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AJ777

Heels in public

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Steve63130    248

I think you sense an opportunity lost here. Oh, well, perhaps it was a learning experience and next time you will engage the greeter or the other shoppers a little more. For example, if you had wanted to strike up a conversation with the gal in the shoe department, you could have broken the ice with some line like, "Don't you just hate it when they're out of the size you want!" or try on a pair and say, "Excuse me, but how do you think these look on me." You'll might get a smile and a pleasant reply and take it from there. Or you could get a frown or a deer-in-the-headlights look as she cautiously backs away from and looks around to see if the coast is clear or if somebody is filming Candid Camera. Not everyone is amused. 

I like the fact that you had the courage to go to the store and wear what you wanted, but I think you might have come across as a bit shy or embarrassed. You don't want to give the impression that you think what you're doing is wrong or could be construed as wrong. You just want to be outgoing and confident, engage in conversation, and include some humor or joking in your conversation: "A guy can't have too many shoes, right?"

Good luck in your future jaunts, and thanks for sharing your story. It gets easier each time, it's legal, and it's fun. And some women are impressed with a guy who has that kind of confidence!

Steve

 

Edited by Steve63130
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pebblesf    405

AJ

First, that is a great combination, very powerful....

Next, I will tell you not to be so hard on yourself, and give yourself some credit for being courageous and confident.  I have been in the same position once or twice I guess, kind of like a "deer in the headlights" after receiving a compliment.  Look at all you have accomplished, and accept the fact that people are actually complimenting you!  I'm sure you will engage more after receiving your next compliment. 

Trust me, the greeter was paying you a compliment.  He would have said nothing if he felt you were strange or customers were poking fun at you. 

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Jkrenzer    224

I'm always aware people notice my heels,  usually stilettos even though I'm in otherwise male attire. People here often say they are not noticed, but can say that's not reality. Most notice, many simply can't grasp what they are seeing so they ignore. I've overheard many conversations and seen many women sheepishly look me in the face as I approach, but i have the sense they turn and look down after I pass. 

Good outing and keep going. By the way love the yellow beauties you added to your gallery. 

Edited by Jkrenzer

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MackyHeels    218
1 hour ago, Jkrenzer said:

I'm always aware people notice my heels,  usually stilettos even though I'm in otherwise male attire. People here often say they are not noticed, but can say that's not reality. Most notice, many simply can't grasp what they are seeing so they ignore. I've overheard many conversations and seen many women sheepishly look me in the face as I approach, but i have the sense they turn and look down after I pass. 

Good outing and keep going. By the way love the yellow beauties you added to your gallery. 

So true, woman often notice subtly before you can realize them observing your or my style outfit. Taken from experience if woman enjoy the view they will stare with a smile. As you said, people can't grasp what they are seeing but many do, but prefer to ignore you or me, only because they instantly disapprove. Think the one's that ignore us believe in fashion sense that belongs to individuals gender. Once you cross that boundary instant disapproval is brought your or my way. If they argue or get upset voicing their beliefs to us for our heels or outfit often than not they are jealous and envious but don't admit it. While people ignoring us is one way of showing disapproval quietly. 

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Gudulitooo    63
12 hours ago, AJ777 said:

This time I have new black pants that come down perfectly to the bottom of my shoes

Lesson one:  long pants only make heels more obvious, because they guide the eye to your feet.

12 hours ago, AJ777 said:

As I was leaving the greeter stopped me and shook my hand

Lesson two: he could have decided to prevent you from entering the store, or to reject you. Instead he shook your hand.

12 hours ago, AJ777 said:

The lady that was looking at shoes with me just said have a good day as I walked by her

No lesson here.

The question the store people all have in mind is: are these ladies, that constitute the bulk of their sales, and that saw them let you enter the store, still going to feel comfortable with the place ? They surely already experienced the visit of trans women or crossdressers (that may have more or less success in "passing"), and surely even have a formation on how to react. But your visit is different.

Are you, as a fashion conscious alpha male, a sign that a new kind of customers is going to improve their sales in the near future ? As they do not have enough experience with this new kind of customer, they observe. The impact of a single visit of yours on their sales is not going to be noticeable, so they will only report it. When they experience more visit like yours, they can establish a policy.

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pebblesf    405
9 hours ago, Jkrenzer said:

I'm always aware people notice my heels,  usually stilettos even though I'm in otherwise male attire. People here often say they are not noticed, but can say that's not reality. Most notice, many simply can't grasp what they are seeing so they ignore. I've overheard many conversations and seen many women sheepishly look me in the face as I approach, but i have the sense they turn and look down after I pass. 

Good outing and keep going. By the way love the yellow beauties you added to your gallery. 

I know that people notice our heels, just not nearly as much as "we think they do".  We/I are so self conscious, thinking all eyes will be fixed on our feet as we step out into the public.  I am definitely "my own worst enemy", just like my Mom always said.  I think some of my neurosis stems from being a boot/heel guy, I always notice a guy's foot wear.  I made the mistake of thinking most everyone else concentrates on noticing foot wear as well.    Some Men can really pull off wearing heels or traditional "feminine gear" so well, I don't consider myself to be in this amazing group of guys.  Although, even I think I look good in great boots and jeans, the problem is that I don't think most of the public will agree, which results in my hyper self consciousness.  I know, I know, who cares what others think.  I guess I just want the general public to agree with my assessment of how I look in high heel boots.  With the help of this site, and fellow male heelers, I have realized that my boots are not the focus of the general public, which has allowed me to relax a bit.  My confidence has improved a bit with every outing.  Confidence surely is the key to successful and enjoyable public heeling. 

 

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maninboots    100

For me it's not about a man wearing women's shoes, fashion is gender neutral, anyone can wear anything, if anybody asks why I'm wearing women's shoes or boots i always reply I'm not, i tell them these are mine, if they were women's then a woman would be wearing them, let's all be who we want to be and wear what we want to wear, women don't have a problem wearing jeans, sweatshirts, trainers etc so why should it be a problem if men want to wear heels or even dresses or skirts, as it's already been mentioned, we are not breaking any laws, if people don't like it then they don't have to wear it, it's individual choices at the end of the day 

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SF    141

For me I just like wearing gals shoes, have since I was a teen.  Early on, i decided that if I was going to spend money on gals shoes, why restrict wearing them inside or on a dark street at night?  I might as well enjoy wearing the shoes all the time.  When I made the "jump" to wearing gals heels about 20+ years ago I just continued that trend and wore my heels - along with my flats - publicly.  Some folks notice, some comment, but most of the time folks don't notice or care that much...   Have fun.....  sf

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AJ777    258
On 3/23/2017 at 7:13 PM, Steve63130 said:

I think you sense an opportunity lost here. Oh, well, perhaps it was a learning experience and next time you will engage the greeter or the other shoppers a little more. For example, if you had wanted to strike up a conversation with the gal in the shoe department, you could have broken the ice with some line like, "Don't you just hate it when they're out of the size you want!" or try on a pair and say, "Excuse me, but how do you think these look on me." You'll might get a smile and a pleasant reply and take it from there. Or you could get a frown or a deer-in-the-headlights look as she cautiously backs away from and looks around to see if the coast is clear or if somebody is filming Candid Camera. Not everyone is amused. 

I like the fact that you had the courage to go to the store and wear what you wanted, but I think you might have come across as a bit shy or embarrassed. You don't want to give the impression that you think what you're doing is wrong or could be construed as wrong. You just want to be outgoing and confident, engage in conversation, and include some humor or joking in your conversation: "A guy can't have too many shoes, right?"

Good luck in your future jaunts, and thanks for sharing your story. It gets easier each time, it's legal, and it's fun. And some women are impressed with a guy who has that kind of confidence!

Steve

 

Thanks alot Steve, I agree, I am so worried people will think I am weird, gotta get over that I guess. I am left wondering what they thought of me. Wow that dude had some high heels wow how does he walk in those?? Or that dude is Gay.  Did they think it was a negative that I had those on or was it wow that guy can pull that off? 

I appreciate everyones support, this is a great place to share, and the only place to share!!

 

Thank you everyone

On 12/31/2016 at 2:33 PM, XtremeHeels said:

Fantastic pair of classic black pumps!!!

 

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AJ777    258
On 3/23/2017 at 8:55 PM, pebblesf said:

AJ

First, that is a great combination, very powerful....

Next, I will tell you not to be so hard on yourself, and give yourself some credit for being courageous and confident.  I have been in the same position once or twice I guess, kind of like a "deer in the headlights" after receiving a compliment.  Look at all you have accomplished, and accept the fact that people are actually complimenting you!  I'm sure you will engage more after receiving your next compliment. 

Trust me, the greeter was paying you a compliment.  He would have said nothing if he felt you were strange or customers were poking fun at you. 

Thank you good points, I appreciate them, can't wait to do it again. I have been wondering, do I go to that store again? thoughts?

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AJ777    258
On 3/23/2017 at 8:55 PM, pebblesf said:

AJ

First, that is a great combination, very powerful....

Next, I will tell you not to be so hard on yourself, and give yourself some credit for being courageous and confident.  I have been in the same position once or twice I guess, kind of like a "deer in the headlights" after receiving a compliment.  Look at all you have accomplished, and accept the fact that people are actually complimenting you!  I'm sure you will engage more after receiving your next compliment. 

Trust me, the greeter was paying you a compliment.  He would have said nothing if he felt you were strange or customers were poking fun at you. 

Thank you for that and I agree on all. The question I have been asking myself is do I go back to that store again??

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AJ777    258

I really appreciate all of the feedback on this so far, I love the idea of being me and am so jealous of my friends that are women that they can wear the heels out there and I am afraid to do so. I do have a friend that has going out with me in heels to easy my mind, that was fun. Need to do that more.

Thank you everyone, look forward to posting more!!

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Steve63130    248

AJ777,

Yes, of course you go back to that store again! They were very welcoming and they deserve your business. You should feel comfortable with that kind of acceptance. But don't go there every day or make a spectacle of yourself. Wait a week or so, go back, be a good shopper, buy from that store, and be a good repeat customer. That's what good stores like that want.

Good luck! And keep sharing your heeling adventures with the forum. We love to hear about successes (and we can learn from failures, too).

Steve

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SF    141

Where is the store, I will go there (in heels of course) with ya.....   Would be fun....   sf 

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HappyinHeels    254

AJ777,

You had the courage and confidence to wear what you wanted and where you wanted to wear it. All your future success and confidence builds from this experience and this moment. I'm not sure any "lesson" was lost since you still got a positive interaction. Many noticed and one person took the time to pass on your shoes were noticed. Many have said before if you will be noticed but are either unaware or unaffected by it because there was no meaningful effect on your day's or night's activities. What people notice on your feet, body, or elsewhere is a completely normal result of being out in public. To the extent any of this background effect matters is entirely up to you. You had the confidence of character to dress the way you wanted BEFORE the encounter by the store greeter so what has really changed now? Nothing really important. You have now a piece of useful information which should actually help reinforce your confidence. You did what you wanted and the Earth did not rotate off its axis. I have said whatever one does is best executed, and ultimately admired, when it carried out with confidence. You may have already know that subconsciously and now you know it tangibly. That's a good thing. Keep striding, keep moving, and keep your head held high. And don't hide your heels as your money and patronage are just as good as anyone else's. HappyinHeels

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AJ777    258
On 3/25/2017 at 2:37 PM, HappyinHeels said:

AJ777,

You had the courage and confidence to wear what you wanted and where you wanted to wear it. All your future success and confidence builds from this experience and this moment. I'm not sure any "lesson" was lost since you still got a positive interaction. Many noticed and one person took the time to pass on your shoes were noticed. Many have said before if you will be noticed but are either unaware or unaffected by it because there was no meaningful effect on your day's or night's activities. What people notice on your feet, body, or elsewhere is a completely normal result of being out in public. To the extent any of this background effect matters is entirely up to you. You had the confidence of character to dress the way you wanted BEFORE the encounter by the store greeter so what has really changed now? Nothing really important. You have now a piece of useful information which should actually help reinforce your confidence. You did what you wanted and the Earth did not rotate off its axis. I have said whatever one does is best executed, and ultimately admired, when it carried out with confidence. You may have already know that subconsciously and now you know it tangibly. That's a good thing. Keep striding, keep moving, and keep your head held high. And don't hide your heels as your money and patronage are just as good as anyone else's. HappyinHeels

Thank you

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Rick24    31

AJ777. I can point out that women are very jealous creatures. and men wearing heels is fierce competition too them. and many guys on this forum have came across women who have said there jealousy with nice words. or with a long stare. like what you got in the shoe shop. but what will really bug you is that most women will have huge misconceptions about men who wear heels. they think that we are very diva-like. a little bit feminine like. and highly eccentric. yes its really annoying but at least we are not harassed in public when we are in heels. there's a give or take when wearing stilettos in public.

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BFGheels    57

Well.... I did it... 

My sis (female friend) ask me to go with her to public volleyball match. I worn my 3 inch boots under some grey jeans so most of the boot was cover (down to the top of the heel).. I was sitting in the car semi freaking out and making up my mind up if I would go in with the boots on or flip flops... was about to go the flip flop option then something in me said fuck it and I went with the boots.

I am tall so the heel added to it and I stuck out like a giraffe.. I got lots of looks of unknown nature but in the end no one said anything (no bad or good comments)... was kinda hoping for someone to come and either talk to me about them or complement me as it so nice and breaks the ice big time :) 

It was a gut curdling move but I feel good that I can push my boundaries and I couldn't have done it without my sis ...

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Thighbootguy    1,125
1 hour ago, BFGheels said:

I was sitting in the car semi freaking out

The hardest step to take in heels is getting out of the car.  I still remember the first time I got out in thigh boots.

1 hour ago, BFGheels said:

I am tall so the heel added to it and I stuck out like a giraffe.

I suspect this was more a product of your imagination that based in fact especially with only a 3" heel.

1 hour ago, BFGheels said:

was kinda hoping for someone to come and either talk to me about them or complement me

Then you should have worn them over your jeans.

 

All in all it sounds like you had an exhilarating first outing and congratulation for taking the step.  Each step does get easier and more fun as your anxiety is reduced.  Keep pushing your boundaries, but be sure you do it with confidence.  I can't emphasize how important it is for you to like the image you are presenting.  If you think you look good, go out and show the world that "This is the look I like".  If you don't like the look, don't go out.  Presenting yourself with confidence is the key.

By the way boots over jeans is a classic look.

Give your Sis a big thank you and what did she think of your outing?

:wavey:

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Cali    401

Or maybe being a volleyball match a tall person might be thought of as a player/coach type.

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heelsareme    118
2 hours ago, BFGheels said:

Well.... I did it... 

My sis (female friend) ask me to go with her to public volleyball match. I worn my 3 inch boots under some grey jeans so most of the boot was cover (down to the top of the heel).. I was sitting in the car semi freaking out and making up my mind up if I would go in with the boots on or flip flops... was about to go the flip flop option then something in me said fuck it and I went with the boots.

I am tall so the heel added to it and I stuck out like a giraffe.. I got lots of looks of unknown nature but in the end no one said anything (no bad or good comments)... was kinda hoping for someone to come and either talk to me about them or complement me as it so nice and breaks the ice big time :) 

It was a gut curdling move but I feel good that I can push my boundaries and I couldn't have done it without my sis ...

Well done, a huge high heel step forward!

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BFGheels    57

Thanks THB and heelsareme 

When I say tall I mean that I stand at 6'4 without heels.. 

My sis was egging me on but to be happy. She played volleyball and just sat and watched. She was happy and proud of me for stepping out I front of people, also she has my back 100% so she will stare at people if she thinks they are being rude or mean lol 

I wore lose jeans so they wouldn't have looked good inside my boots. Plus being the first time out I didn't want to much attention considering everyone else was in flip flops or barefoot. 

See pics 

IMG_5324.JPG

IMG_5347.JPG

Edited by BFGheels
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Thighbootguy    1,125

I stand corrected - 6'7" is tall, even outstandingly so. 

Try a full knee high (or higher :penitent:) pair for the boots over jeans look.  The jeans don't have to be skinny jeans.

You should be able to wear those boots and jeans anywhere without attracting too much attention (but what is the fun of that :cheeky:).

As Cali said, "Nice heels".

:wavey:

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Sydheel    773
On 25/03/2017 at 0:17 PM, AJ777 said:

Thank you for that and I agree on all. The question I have been asking myself is do I go back to that store again??

Of course you do

Remember your a customer, they're a shop. Your a perfect merchandising match  

each visit will grow your confidence and help you dispel those voices inside your head.

James

 

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Puffer    53

Well done, BFG!   I have a pair of knee-length boots with a very similar heel of 3.5" (and no platform) which I have worn out under boot-cut jeans a few times, without obvious problems.   The slim heels are scarcely masculine, and neither really is long boots-over-jeans, but I am encouraged by your outing to be more adventurous with mine!

What is your usual boot/shoes size?   I assume a large size, given your height.   (I am 6' 1.5" and a UK 11 or 12.)

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Stoney3057    42

BFGheels I am 6'1" and wear size 14, so you have to be at least a size 14. If so where do you find boots that will fit? Cause I am having a hard time finding any in my size.

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