AJ777

Heels in public

18 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

I think you sense an opportunity lost here. Oh, well, perhaps it was a learning experience and next time you will engage the greeter or the other shoppers a little more. For example, if you had wanted to strike up a conversation with the gal in the shoe department, you could have broken the ice with some line like, "Don't you just hate it when they're out of the size you want!" or try on a pair and say, "Excuse me, but how do you think these look on me." You'll might get a smile and a pleasant reply and take it from there. Or you could get a frown or a deer-in-the-headlights look as she cautiously backs away from and looks around to see if the coast is clear or if somebody is filming Candid Camera. Not everyone is amused. 

I like the fact that you had the courage to go to the store and wear what you wanted, but I think you might have come across as a bit shy or embarrassed. You don't want to give the impression that you think what you're doing is wrong or could be construed as wrong. You just want to be outgoing and confident, engage in conversation, and include some humor or joking in your conversation: "A guy can't have too many shoes, right?"

Good luck in your future jaunts, and thanks for sharing your story. It gets easier each time, it's legal, and it's fun. And some women are impressed with a guy who has that kind of confidence!

Steve

 

Edited by Steve63130
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AJ

First, that is a great combination, very powerful....

Next, I will tell you not to be so hard on yourself, and give yourself some credit for being courageous and confident.  I have been in the same position once or twice I guess, kind of like a "deer in the headlights" after receiving a compliment.  Look at all you have accomplished, and accept the fact that people are actually complimenting you!  I'm sure you will engage more after receiving your next compliment. 

Trust me, the greeter was paying you a compliment.  He would have said nothing if he felt you were strange or customers were poking fun at you. 

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Posted (edited)

I'm always aware people notice my heels,  usually stilettos even though I'm in otherwise male attire. People here often say they are not noticed, but can say that's not reality. Most notice, many simply can't grasp what they are seeing so they ignore. I've overheard many conversations and seen many women sheepishly look me in the face as I approach, but i have the sense they turn and look down after I pass. 

Good outing and keep going. By the way love the yellow beauties you added to your gallery. 

Edited by Jkrenzer

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1 hour ago, Jkrenzer said:

I'm always aware people notice my heels,  usually stilettos even though I'm in otherwise male attire. People here often say they are not noticed, but can say that's not reality. Most notice, many simply can't grasp what they are seeing so they ignore. I've overheard many conversations and seen many women sheepishly look me in the face as I approach, but i have the sense they turn and look down after I pass. 

Good outing and keep going. By the way love the yellow beauties you added to your gallery. 

So true, woman often notice subtly before you can realize them observing your or my style outfit. Taken from experience if woman enjoy the view they will stare with a smile. As you said, people can't grasp what they are seeing but many do, but prefer to ignore you or me, only because they instantly disapprove. Think the one's that ignore us believe in fashion sense that belongs to individuals gender. Once you cross that boundary instant disapproval is brought your or my way. If they argue or get upset voicing their beliefs to us for our heels or outfit often than not they are jealous and envious but don't admit it. While people ignoring us is one way of showing disapproval quietly. 

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12 hours ago, AJ777 said:

This time I have new black pants that come down perfectly to the bottom of my shoes

Lesson one:  long pants only make heels more obvious, because they guide the eye to your feet.

12 hours ago, AJ777 said:

As I was leaving the greeter stopped me and shook my hand

Lesson two: he could have decided to prevent you from entering the store, or to reject you. Instead he shook your hand.

12 hours ago, AJ777 said:

The lady that was looking at shoes with me just said have a good day as I walked by her

No lesson here.

The question the store people all have in mind is: are these ladies, that constitute the bulk of their sales, and that saw them let you enter the store, still going to feel comfortable with the place ? They surely already experienced the visit of trans women or crossdressers (that may have more or less success in "passing"), and surely even have a formation on how to react. But your visit is different.

Are you, as a fashion conscious alpha male, a sign that a new kind of customers is going to improve their sales in the near future ? As they do not have enough experience with this new kind of customer, they observe. The impact of a single visit of yours on their sales is not going to be noticeable, so they will only report it. When they experience more visit like yours, they can establish a policy.

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9 hours ago, Jkrenzer said:

I'm always aware people notice my heels,  usually stilettos even though I'm in otherwise male attire. People here often say they are not noticed, but can say that's not reality. Most notice, many simply can't grasp what they are seeing so they ignore. I've overheard many conversations and seen many women sheepishly look me in the face as I approach, but i have the sense they turn and look down after I pass. 

Good outing and keep going. By the way love the yellow beauties you added to your gallery. 

I know that people notice our heels, just not nearly as much as "we think they do".  We/I are so self conscious, thinking all eyes will be fixed on our feet as we step out into the public.  I am definitely "my own worst enemy", just like my Mom always said.  I think some of my neurosis stems from being a boot/heel guy, I always notice a guy's foot wear.  I made the mistake of thinking most everyone else concentrates on noticing foot wear as well.    Some Men can really pull off wearing heels or traditional "feminine gear" so well, I don't consider myself to be in this amazing group of guys.  Although, even I think I look good in great boots and jeans, the problem is that I don't think most of the public will agree, which results in my hyper self consciousness.  I know, I know, who cares what others think.  I guess I just want the general public to agree with my assessment of how I look in high heel boots.  With the help of this site, and fellow male heelers, I have realized that my boots are not the focus of the general public, which has allowed me to relax a bit.  My confidence has improved a bit with every outing.  Confidence surely is the key to successful and enjoyable public heeling. 

 

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For me it's not about a man wearing women's shoes, fashion is gender neutral, anyone can wear anything, if anybody asks why I'm wearing women's shoes or boots i always reply I'm not, i tell them these are mine, if they were women's then a woman would be wearing them, let's all be who we want to be and wear what we want to wear, women don't have a problem wearing jeans, sweatshirts, trainers etc so why should it be a problem if men want to wear heels or even dresses or skirts, as it's already been mentioned, we are not breaking any laws, if people don't like it then they don't have to wear it, it's individual choices at the end of the day 

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For me I just like wearing gals shoes, have since I was a teen.  Early on, i decided that if I was going to spend money on gals shoes, why restrict wearing them inside or on a dark street at night?  I might as well enjoy wearing the shoes all the time.  When I made the "jump" to wearing gals heels about 20+ years ago I just continued that trend and wore my heels - along with my flats - publicly.  Some folks notice, some comment, but most of the time folks don't notice or care that much...   Have fun.....  sf

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On 3/23/2017 at 7:13 PM, Steve63130 said:

I think you sense an opportunity lost here. Oh, well, perhaps it was a learning experience and next time you will engage the greeter or the other shoppers a little more. For example, if you had wanted to strike up a conversation with the gal in the shoe department, you could have broken the ice with some line like, "Don't you just hate it when they're out of the size you want!" or try on a pair and say, "Excuse me, but how do you think these look on me." You'll might get a smile and a pleasant reply and take it from there. Or you could get a frown or a deer-in-the-headlights look as she cautiously backs away from and looks around to see if the coast is clear or if somebody is filming Candid Camera. Not everyone is amused. 

I like the fact that you had the courage to go to the store and wear what you wanted, but I think you might have come across as a bit shy or embarrassed. You don't want to give the impression that you think what you're doing is wrong or could be construed as wrong. You just want to be outgoing and confident, engage in conversation, and include some humor or joking in your conversation: "A guy can't have too many shoes, right?"

Good luck in your future jaunts, and thanks for sharing your story. It gets easier each time, it's legal, and it's fun. And some women are impressed with a guy who has that kind of confidence!

Steve

 

Thanks alot Steve, I agree, I am so worried people will think I am weird, gotta get over that I guess. I am left wondering what they thought of me. Wow that dude had some high heels wow how does he walk in those?? Or that dude is Gay.  Did they think it was a negative that I had those on or was it wow that guy can pull that off? 

I appreciate everyones support, this is a great place to share, and the only place to share!!

 

Thank you everyone

On 12/31/2016 at 2:33 PM, XtremeHeels said:

Fantastic pair of classic black pumps!!!

 

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On 3/23/2017 at 8:55 PM, pebblesf said:

AJ

First, that is a great combination, very powerful....

Next, I will tell you not to be so hard on yourself, and give yourself some credit for being courageous and confident.  I have been in the same position once or twice I guess, kind of like a "deer in the headlights" after receiving a compliment.  Look at all you have accomplished, and accept the fact that people are actually complimenting you!  I'm sure you will engage more after receiving your next compliment. 

Trust me, the greeter was paying you a compliment.  He would have said nothing if he felt you were strange or customers were poking fun at you. 

Thank you good points, I appreciate them, can't wait to do it again. I have been wondering, do I go to that store again? thoughts?

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On 3/23/2017 at 8:55 PM, pebblesf said:

AJ

First, that is a great combination, very powerful....

Next, I will tell you not to be so hard on yourself, and give yourself some credit for being courageous and confident.  I have been in the same position once or twice I guess, kind of like a "deer in the headlights" after receiving a compliment.  Look at all you have accomplished, and accept the fact that people are actually complimenting you!  I'm sure you will engage more after receiving your next compliment. 

Trust me, the greeter was paying you a compliment.  He would have said nothing if he felt you were strange or customers were poking fun at you. 

Thank you for that and I agree on all. The question I have been asking myself is do I go back to that store again??

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I really appreciate all of the feedback on this so far, I love the idea of being me and am so jealous of my friends that are women that they can wear the heels out there and I am afraid to do so. I do have a friend that has going out with me in heels to easy my mind, that was fun. Need to do that more.

Thank you everyone, look forward to posting more!!

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AJ777,

Yes, of course you go back to that store again! They were very welcoming and they deserve your business. You should feel comfortable with that kind of acceptance. But don't go there every day or make a spectacle of yourself. Wait a week or so, go back, be a good shopper, buy from that store, and be a good repeat customer. That's what good stores like that want.

Good luck! And keep sharing your heeling adventures with the forum. We love to hear about successes (and we can learn from failures, too).

Steve

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Where is the store, I will go there (in heels of course) with ya.....   Would be fun....   sf 

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AJ777,

You had the courage and confidence to wear what you wanted and where you wanted to wear it. All your future success and confidence builds from this experience and this moment. I'm not sure any "lesson" was lost since you still got a positive interaction. Many noticed and one person took the time to pass on your shoes were noticed. Many have said before if you will be noticed but are either unaware or unaffected by it because there was no meaningful effect on your day's or night's activities. What people notice on your feet, body, or elsewhere is a completely normal result of being out in public. To the extent any of this background effect matters is entirely up to you. You had the confidence of character to dress the way you wanted BEFORE the encounter by the store greeter so what has really changed now? Nothing really important. You have now a piece of useful information which should actually help reinforce your confidence. You did what you wanted and the Earth did not rotate off its axis. I have said whatever one does is best executed, and ultimately admired, when it carried out with confidence. You may have already know that subconsciously and now you know it tangibly. That's a good thing. Keep striding, keep moving, and keep your head held high. And don't hide your heels as your money and patronage are just as good as anyone else's. HappyinHeels

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On 3/25/2017 at 2:37 PM, HappyinHeels said:

AJ777,

You had the courage and confidence to wear what you wanted and where you wanted to wear it. All your future success and confidence builds from this experience and this moment. I'm not sure any "lesson" was lost since you still got a positive interaction. Many noticed and one person took the time to pass on your shoes were noticed. Many have said before if you will be noticed but are either unaware or unaffected by it because there was no meaningful effect on your day's or night's activities. What people notice on your feet, body, or elsewhere is a completely normal result of being out in public. To the extent any of this background effect matters is entirely up to you. You had the confidence of character to dress the way you wanted BEFORE the encounter by the store greeter so what has really changed now? Nothing really important. You have now a piece of useful information which should actually help reinforce your confidence. You did what you wanted and the Earth did not rotate off its axis. I have said whatever one does is best executed, and ultimately admired, when it carried out with confidence. You may have already know that subconsciously and now you know it tangibly. That's a good thing. Keep striding, keep moving, and keep your head held high. And don't hide your heels as your money and patronage are just as good as anyone else's. HappyinHeels

Thank you

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AJ777. I can point out that women are very jealous creatures. and men wearing heels is fierce competition too them. and many guys on this forum have came across women who have said there jealousy with nice words. or with a long stare. like what you got in the shoe shop. but what will really bug you is that most women will have huge misconceptions about men who wear heels. they think that we are very diva-like. a little bit feminine like. and highly eccentric. yes its really annoying but at least we are not harassed in public when we are in heels. there's a give or take when wearing stilettos in public.

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