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Hi, i'm Billy I'm new here, shame I never found it earlier. I've had a fetish for High Heels and well worn flip flops (???) since puberty. The invention of Ebay has allowed me to build a frankly ridiculous collection of shoes.over the last 12 years, but sadly i've got to get rid. I'm moving in with my girlfriend next month and coming clean about my obcession isn't an option. I pretty much live with her now but i'm staying at my place tonight and next week, just to wear them all one last time and take loads of photos. :( I've kept this well hidden from 2 previous girlfriends, but i'm really serious with my current oneand I daren't come clean because I know it would be over. There are 12 pairs of heels, mainly thin soled, thin heeled stiletto sandals and 5 or 6 pairs of sandals/flip flops. There are about 6 pairs I cannot be parted with though, and my question is, guys in my position, how do you keep the habit hidden?


This is my collection...
...and these are my absolute favourites, thin heel, thin straps over the toes and around the ankles

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Well, your choice is honesty with your girlfriend or to start hiding from day 1 or to give it up.

 

I would stick them in the roof, forget about them, if it works out okay with the new Girlfriend, ditch them, if it does not, you still have your collection. happy to stick them in my roof for you. 

 

Find a good hiding place, but dont let it ruin the relationship please.

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Hello Billy, and welcome. Cutting right to the chase, you must realize that your inner self isn't going to change just because you get rid of some shoes. In my experience, it isn't like a habit the one needs to quit, like smoking. It is a part of one's being. This isn't ever going to go away. I know, because I was in your "shoes" 20 years ago.

What makes you so sure your girlfriend would dump you if she knew about your differing fashion sensibilities? And also, if you would, please describe how things would work out in a perfect world, as far as not having to hide. Do you wish to wear your shoes out in public, or just around the house?

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If you want your marriage to work out well, then honesty is the ONLY policy. You can't hide stuff from each other. Secrets don't strengthen a marriage, they weaken it. Before you jettison your shoe collection, share your secret with her. You could be right that she'll be turned off by your habit, in which case you can ditch the shoes or put them away for a long time. If she truly loves you, she won't be bothered by what she can't see. But you might be wrong. Some gals are intrigued or even excited about heels, including their man in heels. Don't assume anything. Share your secret. And ask her about her secrets. She has some, I can guarantee it. Find them out. One reason this is very important, besides bringing you closer together, is that you can't hide stuff forever. You'll worry about your stash getting found. And sooner or later it will happen. And when you backpeddle and try to explain it to her, she'll wonder what ELSE you've been hiding from her. The relationship goes downhill from there. So it's important for both of you to share all your warts and imperfections and habits and turn-ons and turn-offs at the very beginning as you are getting serious. Neither of you should be buying a lemon! Be totally honest.

 

Good luck.

 

Steve

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Hi, i'm Billy I'm new here, shame I never found it earlier.

Welcome!

 

I've had a fetish for High Heels and well worn flip flops (???) since puberty. The invention of Ebay has allowed me to build a frankly ridiculous collection of shoes.over the last 12 years, but sadly i've got to get rid. I'm moving in with my girlfriend next month and coming clean about my obcession isn't an option.

Im afraid to say, but my honesty tells me to do this.. Your relationship is in huge trouble before it gets any more serious.

 

I pretty much live with her now but i'm staying at my place tonight and next week, just to wear them all one last time and take loads of photos. :( I've kept this well hidden from 2 previous girlfriends, but i'm really serious with my current oneand I daren't come clean because I know it would be over.

Think of this : Every time you hear a nice pair of heels strike the ground in a mall, a parking lot, where you work or even out on a date with the girlfriend, what thought will enter your mind? " Wow, heels! I love wearing them.. but I cant.. because I told myself I cant because of certain reasons.. " . You will haunt yourself for as long as your with her.

 

There are 12 pairs of heels, mainly thin soled, thin heeled stiletto sandals and 5 or 6 pairs of sandals/flip flops. There are about 6 pairs I cannot be parted with though, and my question is, guys in my position, how do you keep the habit hidden?

Many of us have found out, you CANNOT keep anything hidden from your partner. To do so is ( somewhat ) lying to them. At the very least, your being dishonest to your partner. Your partner will eventually find out about this and the longer things stay ' hidden ' the worse the consequences are.

What *I* would do is tell her outright that you have this ' thing ' about high heels. You find them very attractive and have even worn them in the past. Tell her your willing to give up such a thing to try and make things work out between the 2 of you.

She needs to understand that you do have a past you cannot change and a FUTURE you wish to share with her if shes willing to have it.

Your relationship is a 2 way thing. Shes been with other men ( assuming shes not a virgin ) and you dont hold her as a ' cum dumpster ' or a ' toy ' of some other men before you. You respect her enolugh to say ' I wish to be with you from now on ' and dont care what the past was. She should have the same consideration towards your past, that its irrelevant ( just some shoes you wore ) and that the 2 of you are going to move forward together.

There are many of us that have found out your fears used to be the same as ours.. and thats all it was. ' Fear ' and nothing more. MANY of us have Wives/Husbands/Partners that like us for who we are, not what we wear.

Cheers!

-ILK

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Live in fear and a lie or open up and be free?

What about her? What could she be hidding?

 

Now lets be serious, you haven't mentioned your ages or how long you've been together prior to prepareing to move in, neither have you hinted on her disposition whether she is an "church mouse" or "confident and streetwise"?

You must know her sufficiently to know how she ticks, dress style, shoes, how you flirt together and more.

No, we don't need to know but it's these things that will help you chose.

 

Some of us that are in good relationships that share our heeling with our ladies have problems, - they don't want to know and "keep it out of sight". some understand but again don't want to see.

Some of us are accepted but may have to be sensible around family and her work pals, some have full openess and no holds barred.

 

At the end of the day it's your decission but many of us will advise to be open.

 

Al.

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Methinks any relationship with someone whom you either can't tell your deepest desire too, or who cannot accept that part of you is doomed from the start. Because ultimately your in a relationship with the wrong person.

So its either great discomfort now fessing up and running the risk of the relationship breaking up, or much unhappyness for the duration of the relationship with a HUGE chance of inevitable divorce. So better make sure she IS the right person because divorce is not a pretty thing.

But if you do ignore all advice, please don't ignore this, GET PRENUBS!!! You will most likely need them.

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Hide your heels??  When you really love wearing them??  For me that would be a terrible option.  I have like gals shoes and sandals since I was a kid.  All of my g/f's knew I liked gals shoes (flats at the time - heels later), including the one who became my wonderful wife.  

Being open is so much easier, I can not imagine trying to hide my enjoyment of shoes!!  

But you must decide what is best for you and your relations.  Take care…  sf

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Hi electrofoxx,

 

I did not tell my girlfriend, against the opinion of the others who answered this topic. This is because, unfortunately for me, I met my girlfriend long before I read this forum.

 

Anyway, here are the various places where I have hidden my collection over the years:

 - in the garage / basement, where she rarely goes, the thickest the dust the better

 - in my personal car, under the seats in black plastic bags (beware to vent the shoes for some time before to pack them there)

 - in the car roof box when it is not used (all year except a few days)

 - in a self storage for short periods of time

 - once or two I asked my parents or friends to temporary store a lot of affairs (several boxes) in which shoes were hidden. i knew they would not open the boxes.

 

But, as I said, I kept this secret for 9 years now, mainly because I was not so sure of where i wanted to go. It would have been easier to be open from the beginning, including the doubts

 

 

 

There are about 6 pairs I cannot be parted with though, and my question is, guys in my position, how do you keep the habit hidden?
 

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Tell about it now. I had a girlfriend that new before I got married and I also told my wife before we got married. This will NEVER go away. It will always be a part of you and the desires will always be there.

I told my wife 26 years ago. She does not love it but puts up with it. But at least she new going into the marriage.

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I have been married for over 40 years now and my wife does not know of my heel wearing (almost been caught a few times, but hasn't happened yet!)  Back in the 1970's when we met and were dating/got married, it would have been very much frowned up, so I kept it to myself.  I would love to be able to be open about it, but it is far too late in this relationship to upset the ship.  Just not worth going there anymore.....    Wish the support groups like HHPlace would have been around back then, as there is no doubt that "not being alone" is a major positive influence.

 

As far as hiding places, right now, I have four pairs in my closet and one in the spare tire area of my car.  Closet stash is in a bag of what were once part of a Halloween costume - I did go in drag to a couple of parties many years back - a long story.  But we no longer share a closet, and she wouldn't be shocked to see the top pair in that bag and would not likely ever look beyond that, so the three newer pairs are reasonably safe.

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Under my clothes in a set of draws.

When buying anything in a box, keep the box and hide shoes in there.

It would be better to tell her than have to hide your shoes.

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Well electricfoxx,

I grew up existing among people, but scared stiff they would discover that I wasn't like them because of my love for wearing stiletto pumps. So I did it in secret (a deception) and created ways to hide my wearing them. I'd even buy larger sizes of men's shoes, boots, and even high top tennis shoes so that I could fit my feet with 3 to 4" heels on into them. That is an idea of the extent I was willing to go, in satisfying my need to wear my choice of heels. Using such deceptions may have gotten some more heeling time, but it only extended the misery of living in fear of being revealed as a social non-compliant and an unfit role model. I decided if I was going to make my situation better, that being a guy wearing heels truthfully would be the best role model. I still have a way to achieve this end, but I'm well on the path in the personna of this goal.

 

Everyone's life can be so much richer, should they choose to be forthright and open about their desire to wear their heels of choice. They may loose some associates as  close friends, but they'll have their self-respect and integrity intact. That is far more valuable to a potential sole-mate, then fearing the worst about a person - a deceiver.  

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In the end it's up to you as all people and relationships are different but I'd tell her straight up.  You mentioned that you've been buying and wearing heels for over a decade.  With that said it's not a phase, it's not a curiosity, it's who you are.  First I'd take a step back and not use words like "obsession" as those tend to have negative and absolute connotations.  I think a big problem with the whole "I can't tell my significant other" talk is that most try to blow the whole thing open in one breath.  You have to ease into things.  "Hey, you know I really like heels, I actually have a couple pairs myself I've picked up over the years."  Could be as simple as that.  Put the majority into storage, round up a few of your favorite pairs, and lead in with those.  Just put them in the closet for awhile once she knows.  The important thing is that you both understand that your heels aren't your main fixation in life and won't be the main fixation of your relationship.  They're just another part of who you are and in turn who you will both be in a relationship together.

 

At the end of the day, IT'S JUST A PAIR OF SHOES.  It's not a criminal record, it's not some big scandal, and it's not some locked away secret.  When you keep things hidden from a loved one that you are with every day, that's when things get out of hand and something that should be common and fun and enjoyable becomes a scary taboo.  Relationships change people - that's one of the reasons we seek companionship, but everything has to be over time.

 

Why would I want to be with someone who finds something that is such a part of me and my style to be so dispicable?  I don't care who it is, ultimatums make bad bedfellows.

 

My girlfriend always knew of my fetish (said as good thing between us) for heels and women's shoes in general.  She also knew that I had worn heels a few times over the years for costuming and the like.  I had bought a pair here and there over the years while we were together but kept them hidden as they were a very occasional thing for me to buy and wear.  Well I made the descision that I would like to wear heels more often and told her I had bought a pair in my size.  We had a bit of a "secretary encounter" one night and after that I would wear the heels occasionally.  I mentioned that I would like to buy another pair that I had my eye on and did so, of which by that time she had no problem.  See, I wasn't anyone other than me, and she realized that.  I think that's a big problem with hiding things for years, you get the whole "you're not the person I knew" thing.

 

Well I probably have about 30 pairs now (nothing to her something like 120 at last count), buy and sell all the time, and have them all displayed in a secondary closet for easy access.  I wear heels almost every day I work from home, in fact I wear heels more than she does to be honest.  The big thing is I'm just always me, even on days I wear hosiery (which is almost every day) and a skirt, it's just me wearing clothes.  I'm still her boyfriend, I'm still a man, I'm still the person who will hold the door open for her, I'm still who fixes the appliances and plumbling, I still have all my regular hobbies, go to work, good relationship with family, have friends, nothing is different - I'm still me because I've always been me.  Most days she's completely indifferent to me wearing heels, on other days she's more into it - however never is there a negative response.  When she looks at me, I'm just me, the man she loves - whether I'm wearing blue leopard sneakers and jeans or 5" black and white spectator stilettos with a green pencil skirt.

 

....man I've rambled a bit.

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Hi Billy, 

 

I see you are still coming back here from time to time, (it says so in your profile) so I am guessing you have been reading this, I have just re-read your first post. 

 

If you really really cant find anywhere to store them, (and my offer is still open to you, just stick them in the post), then just ditch them, you may well regret it, but they are only shoes remember.

 

If, it does not work out, then back to your heels, if she is not going to be accepting, then fine, no worries, dont make a big deal out of it, maybe bring it up later on in life Lime15 has some good advice on how to bring it up again later in life. There will always be a party or Halloween where you maybe able to start the whole collection off again.

 

Good luck, and feel free to reply here, you have been given a lot of advice from people that have been through it, even if you dont want to take the advice, a thanks might go down well  

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Billy-

If I could do anything before I pass, I wish it could be to help another guy through what you are dealing with now, which is what most of us here have dealt with at some point in our lives. 

The advice most have given is spot on, your love of heels is not going to go away.  You may be able to ditch your collection for now, but you will collect more heels.  Having to hide your shoes from a girl friend will only lead to frustration, and no long term relationship will work out well if your can't be yourself around your loved one.

All that being said, I sure understand your situation.  My love of high heel boots has surely caused big problems in most of my relationships.  I'm not saying to reveal your shoe preferences on a first date.  But, you will need share your love of heels with anyone who you want to share a long term relationship with. 

I really like the advice given here, start sharing your interests "gently" and soon during a new relationship.  Complimenting your girlfriend's heels, perhaps going into a shoe store at the mall with her and showing interest in the shoes there.  You will get an idea of how she feels fairly quickly, allowing you to either share your love of heels with her, or backing off from the relationship. 

One thing is for certain,  a long term girl friend will need to be accepting of your love of heels.  She may not love it, and that is OK, but she needs to accept your shoe preferences as a part of you that can not be changed.

Good luck to you buddy, be brave, we are all here for you.

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First of all, thank you so much for replies. Telling my girlfriend, sadly, isn't an option. Boring story here, leave at this point if you're not bothered, I'll bear you no Ill feeling. Your replies have been fantastic, the main thing being that I'm not alone and I never will be. It means the world. I've been like this since I was about 8 or 9, I caught sight of my dearly departed Mother's wardrobe, a lot of her shoes in the late 80s/early 90s from the 60's, she was a gorgeous, fashion conscious woman. She eventually got on to me wearing her heels when I was around 12 or 13 and said my Dad and my Grandad (who I adored, the ultimate bloke, served during WW2 in a massive capacity on a very famous liner) wouldn't approve in the slightest. That was the early 90s. She's the only one who ever knew years later when she binned, without telling me, a pair of heels and a pair of well worn flip flops abandoned while I and my current girlfriend were on holiday. I went through the bins while the family was out and found a better hiding place. In 1994 my Mum's friend, who lived around the corner, asked me to look after her house while she went away for 2 weeks because I was trustworthy and mature. I soon as I got to the house, I was straight up the stairs to the wardrobe. They've been family friends since in the day, she is a couple of years older than my Mum was but pictures show from back in the day she loves her very pretty feet but also, her shoes. In her wardrobe her heels didn't fit, she was a small 5, but I found a pair of wedge toe post mules that fitted but the ones that sent me wild were a pair of white flip flops, really lovely high quality but only worn briefly. I won't go into details but I smuggled these shoes back, wore them when I could, without going into detail they moved me on with regards to shoes turning me on. I love the way worn flip flops show every contour of the wearers foot.

I did a good job, her house wasn't robbed and it was spotless when she come back. Over the next year she'd come and visit my Mum in these Flip Flops which she hadn't worn much before I had. Despite her age and my age, she had, probably still has, tremendously sexy feet. Shoe play with well worn shoes makes me weak at the knees which, next year, after she'd been wearing these flip flops for 12 months, she knocked at our door in them, well worn, and then, totally in deliberately, engaged in a shoe play thing, slipping them off and on. Banging them against her feet, she couldn't fail to notice how turned on I was. She left her keys and said look after the house after me watching a little foot show in these flip flops from the year before, only well worn (and 100% more sexy). She was wearing these gorgeous flip flops all the time so when I inevitably stuck my face in her wardrobe, they'd be on holiday with her. They weren't. After months of seeing her wearing these, foot play without her knowing, she'd left these flip flops I knew she loved at home, on top of the pile, for anyone to find. I wonder if she knew? This moved things on considerably. I was just dying to take them and lock them away. She knew without a doubt. I was 14,15,16 when this was going on, she is an old woman, born in 1943. But her (seemingly innocent) footplay when she'd be sitting there talking to my Mum would make me rigid. That is where I really developed, with the help of the Internet.

I wonder if she knew?

I'd love to wear those flip flops belonging to her again, 20 years ago, scary!

Crazy how things move on, the Internet allows you to buy anything from wherever in the world. In the context of what is going on in the world today, how harmless is this hobby? I'm sitting here now, wearing a pair of white Fredericks of Hollywood mules, that I adore, gutted that this hobby is far more restricted soon. im happy though! Can I share this pic with you?

Hated these when they turned up, adore them now. Fredericks of Hollywood shoes, anyone go them? Please comment!

More shots, more to follow of my collection

BTW, what a lovely bunch of people you are, it's good to know I'm not alone!

Few more:

A few more, I'll be doing this all night! Sorry about the flip flops but I love this type with the straw/seagrass/bamboo footbed!

Via Spiga platforms, a gorgeous shoe, love the thin straps over the toes. Wish I'd got the black ones though, these are already on Ebay

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First of all, thank you so much for replies. Telling my girlfriend, sadly, isn't an option. Boring story here, leave at this point if you're not bothered.

 

If it "isn't an option" because you think she'll flip out and think worse of you, I think you're making a grave mistake. If you disclose your past and come clean, you haven't a thing to lose and everything to gain. The worst she'll say is "Ewwww", in which case drop the subject; she at least knows. But it could be she'd like to see your collection and discover what turns you on. If you don't disclose your passion to her, you'll never know her response. Rather than separate you, it could bring you closer together. If you hide your passion from her, it will undoubtedly come back to haunt you someday when she discovers your stash or comes home unexpectedly to find you dressed in heels. THEN you've got some explaining to do and she'll want to know what else you've been hiding. You will regret not telling her sooner.

 

Steve

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^^ well said Steve.

how it happened for me was we were on a bit of a vacation, her shoes were laying on the floor as I'm laying on the bed. she came back from the bathroom and slid the shoe on my foot it didn't fit but I really liked the way it looked. So probably a month or two later nothing else has ever said of it, until the power went out one evening so we were just sitting around talking and I said honey you know I really liked the way that shoe looked on my foot. ... she said if that is something that you like to try let's order some shoes and see how it goes, it's been wonderful ever since.

BTW I was scared stupid to say anything but I'm glad I did.

my advice is to just tell her straight out as the others have said it will only come back to haunt you.

Larry

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Electricfoxx

Thanks for your honesty.  I read your post remembering so clearly enjoying boots and shoes secretly in buddy's closets, along with their mother's boots. 

I appreciate your feelings, and I have followed a similar approach.  I remember alluding to my love of boots to my current partner during one of our first dates, probably after too many beers though.  Unfortunately, I did NOT follow through, my partner HATES my love of boots, and it is a real problem for us.  So, please know I am not preaching to you, I get it!  I know that revealing your love of heels to your girlfriend is the best advice, but surely understand how complex and difficult it is to "come clean". 

I'm hoping your current girlfriend will notice a little something about your love of heels, then encourage and support you!  Meeting everyone here has shown me that many partners/girlfriends/wives are way more accepting than we could imagine they would be! 

We are glad you are here buddy, and hope sharing with like minded guys is helpful.

Don

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well im lucky because, i have no girlfriend to make my life a misery, mocking me every day about men wearing heels is wrong , and calling me all the names of the day, :giggle: :giggle:

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Hello,  I understand.  Like most of us here, this "interest" started at a young age.  Try as we might, it really is part of how we are "wired" and although we're unique, there is nothing wrong about it.  We have different tastes in favorite styles, but the common thread is that we like "altitude enhancing" footwear that has generally come from the women's department.   I am in the middle of a terrible family ordeal that was largely caused by my shoe interests and a huge surge of fear and jealousy on behalf of my wife of many years.  She has known about my interest in shoes and has been the recipient of plenty of shoes as gifts over the years.  However, she has never actually understood where it all fits into my personality and that lack of understanding has now caused a very painful situation.  However, whatever the outcome and whether I'm able to stay married or not,  I have learned that being open about this is the best plan.  Some women may be completely turned off and it's best to leave them alone.  Others who understand a more true loving relationship will at least accept it and some truly think it's special and unique. 

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Trickrider1,

 

I'm sorry to hear your marriage is encountering some potholes and a bumpy ride. I hope you can work things out to save it and still continue to pursue your interesting and unusual hobby as well. You may want to see my advice to Joesranch2 under the thread, "Loved the Shoes So Much That I Chose Them for My Avatar."

 

Good luck and keep us informed on your progress!

 

Steve

 

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I know these topics are older but it it very nice reading.   You can see how the views and questions have changed with the times.    I see from topics years ago how the wording is very mellow and if it makes  sense very proper (not politically correct) but question or answers that do not get off the subject(I am sure I sound like i am babbling)    This is in response to ElectricFoxx in how he is giving up his heel collection to because he does not want his girlfriend soon too be his wife. finding out about his appreciation(I do not call wearing high heels a fetish-Just my opinion   some lady friends  tell me I have one tho!) of  ladies foot wear.     And the heels and mules in his collection    Nice  shoes. (   I  like the black stilettos with the 5 inch heels and the very worn foot  bed)    I too like strappy sandals.         I am going  to read all the topics again from the beginning of this site.      Just the fact in how  lurking to actually joining and asking questions.     And how this will be a positive benefit and more of an active participation.   and to go over to my shoe closet and get a pair of heels out and put them on to enjoy as the main reason I wanted(needed  L.O.L) to wear in the first place

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ElectricFoxx ,

I've read your posts and still have one question; why are you convinced that your girlfriend will not only not like your wearing heels, but possible break up with you?  Is it that you are just afraid to tell her? 

Perhaps you could ease your way into the conversation with something like, "... I saw a video on YouTube with a man in a suit wearing heels...", or "... have you heard of those guys who dress in drag including high heels for Halloween?"  and gauge her reaction.  But ultimately, her decision will be strongly affected by her love for you. 

When my relationships got serious, I would tell my girlfriends.  The reactions ranged from "don't let me see them" to not blinking when I wear them around the house and accepting that I would wear them when we traveled out of town and purchased them from thrift stores.  The latter because I would occasionally pick up a pair for her.

Best of luck in whatever you decide to do.

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Billy

Have not read all the replies on  here

However from those that I have read,  am going to sound like a broken record 

 

Been there done this

Self have been married,  and all my ex wife's accepted my fetish 

Such a fetish is not something that one can just turn on and off one day

This will NOT go away out of your mind just couz it's out of site and a secret 

Sit her down, and maybe ask on here for ideas and advice on how to break it to her gently 

All the woman that I shared my fetish with accepted it, however in our minds there is always this though that if it comes out it will be a disaster. It dosent quite work like that

Honesty in a relationship is very important,  and by you hiding things,  then you are setting off on the wrong get footage by hiding  things 

 

What if your girlfriend secretly also has a fetish to see her man in thin heels and also says nothing, then you will both be missing out. And your mutual fetish and interest would not be the 1st couple to share such

 

Maybe sit here down and explain to her nicely what is a fetish,  and that having a harmless fetish does not change who you are, despite society frowning upon such

 

How would you feel if your girlfriend is  keeping things hidden from you

 

 Being open is very important 

Hope it works out for you

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I really can’t understand why so many people, especially members of this forum, automatically assume that any guy who likes to wear heels must be doing so for fetish reasons, or that any man who likes heels must have a fetish for them. Is it really so far beyond the realm of imaginative possibility that a guy could simply like heels for their style and fashion’s sake, just as a woman does? 

Nor is describing your liking of heels as a fetish to your partner likely to help you achieve your goal of acceptance - unless of course it genuinely is a fetish and you are being candid, but that is a different sort of conversation altogether. 

No doubt there are members of this forum whose liking of heels is indeed founded in fetish, and fair enough, if that is what floats their boat. But it is a very big, and usually incorrect, assumption to make that it must be a fetish. I would say that the majority here, and possibly even the vast majority, like wearing heels and boots as fashion items, and simply that. 

 

 

Edited by Shyheels
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What defines it as a fetish? whether its a sexual thing? 

Sure, its a turn on, but its just also plainly because we enjoy it and like the look. 

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