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Hello,

Was wondering, has anyone (while heeling) ever asked a friend to trail them and look at the reactions other people have? I think that would be a good way to get an honest reading on how much other people stare, laugh, take photos, whatever... I can't do this myself, as I'm alone when heeling, but perhaps someone else has?

It's mainly curiosity, as I don't think it would change anything for me...

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people stare at anybody wearing high heels.

If I wear a miniskirt and flats I don't get stared at like a pair of stilettos and a miniskirt.

Doesn't matter who is wearing, man/woman - its the heels that get the attention going.

I don't bother about peoples reactions - if you own your look and a confident - the reactions are almost always positive.

 

cheers

NZF

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I spend the day in stilettos and skinny jeans. Work, Costco, errands...Did I get noticed?  There's no way I didn't get notice, But as @JeffB often points out, most of the people are so rapped up in their own world that they don't notice. And as @nzfreestyler says "if you own your look" and show confidence in your look then "the reactions are almost always positive."

Did I get noticed?  Today the "bank greeter" asked "Don't your feet hurt walking in those? I cant even try." instead of the normal greeting or directing, However, the cashier at costco was more fascinated with my Christmas theme fingernails and never notice my stilettos.

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nzfreestyler nailed it. I wore flats out several times before I got the courage to don heels. I dont remember any reactions, much less interactions, compared to my experiences wearing heels. We notice heels, so of course other people are going to notice heels too. Its what they are designed to do, draw attention. If they were not so dang sexy & unique of a shoe style no one would ever bother to ware heels at all...would just be keds & uggs all the time...

Edited by chesterx
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7 hours ago, chesterx said:

nzfreestyler nailed it. I wore flats out several times before I got the courage to don heels. I dont remember any reactions, much less interactions, compared to my experiences wearing heels. We notice heels, so of course other people are going to notice heels too. Its what they are designed to do, draw attention. If they were not so dang sexy & unique of a shoe style no one would ever bother to ware heels at all...would just be keds & uggs all the time...

And wouldn't THAT be an awful thing!  :giggle:

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I have sometimes wondered about this myself from time to time. According to my wife, people think I'm a total freak, but you've got to take that with a grain of salt, because I am sure she exaggerates people's reactions as she would really like it if I suddenly decided I didn't like heels anymore. Don't get me wrong, she's very tolerant, but she really doesn't like it. Over the years, I guess I've decided that I really don't want to know if people are staring at me or not. I have yet to find myself on the internet, but I'm sure I'm out there somewhere, being made fun of. So be it.

I think there is something to what @nzfreestyler said--the heels make a difference. In my case, they're pretty much everything, since I don't really wear anything else that would be considered super femme, like a skirt or dress. The closest thing would be my shorts in the summer with my shaved legs, and it's absolutely true that people don't react much on the rare occasions when I'm wearing flats. It's kind of nice to be anonymous sometimes, but that rarely enters into my decision about what to wear on my feet. What does influence my occasional decision to wear flats is that I don't feel like I can go out in heels if I don't look at least halfway presentable otherwise. For example, if I've just come home from work and I look grubby, but for some reason have to go to the supermarket to pick up something right away, I won't wear heels. If I've at least got time to comb my hair and put on a decent looking shirt, I'll always wear heels. And why wouldn't you wear heels to the supermarket? What's wrong with people?

 

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My wife sometimes watch the reaction of people around. She found that few people notice my heels. And the reaction is just a second look. Such boots with 9 cm heels have almost no reaction. Only a few women asked whether I bought them or had them made by a shoemaker.

IMG_20181227_204048.jpg

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My wife tells me I get stared at a lot.  While we were in the UK she thinks there were a lot of stares at my cowboy boots with 3" heels, but she doesn't always attribute the stares to my footwear.  I must be used to the stares, as I am never bothered by it.  I am Chinese, 6 feet tall, (6'4" with heels) and grew up and live in the rural USA - many people take notice of me.  It would be hard even for someone else, I think, to isolate the source of people's stares to my footwear.  They could be staring at me for many other reasons, such as ethnicity, height, clothes, or thick glasses lenses lol.  

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9 hours ago, p1ng74 said:

My wife tells me I get stared at a lot.  While we were in the UK she thinks there were a lot of stares at my cowboy boots with 3" heels, but she doesn't always attribute the stares to my footwear.  I must be used to the stares, as I am never bothered by it.  I am Chinese, 6 feet tall, (6'4" with heels) and grew up and live in the rural USA - many people take notice of me.  It would be hard even for someone else, I think, to isolate the source of people's stares to my footwear.  They could be staring at me for many other reasons, such as ethnicity, height, clothes, or thick glasses lenses lol.  

I think in your particular case, you're probably right. It may be the boots, but they are likely just a small part of the equation. You're just an interesting person to look at, and I mean that in a good way. Striking in many ways, and that's before you pull out your violin. I, on the other hand, am practically invisible where I live, with the one exception of my heels (and possibly shorts in the summertime).

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On 12/13/2019 at 9:06 PM, Cali said:

But as @JeffB often points out, most of the people are so rapped up in their own world that they don't notice.

For sure.  People are so wrapped up in their own world.  If they've taken notice, their own priorities, stresses, and worries soon take back over and the guy in heels that just walked by is but a passing blip on their radar.

Edited by kneehighs

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Thank you, good points all around. I do not think I would care either way, but am just curious. My wife is supportive, but I am sure she would also be super happy if this "feature" of me went away. At certain points, I also think I would be happy myself.

 

On 12/14/2019 at 4:12 AM, mlroseplant said:

I think there is something to what @nzfreestyler said--the heels make a difference. In my case, they're pretty much everything, since I don't really wear anything else that would be considered super femme, like a skirt or dress. The closest thing would be my shorts in the summer with my shaved legs, and it's absolutely true that people don't react much on the rare occasions when I'm wearing flats. It's kind of nice to be anonymous sometimes, but that rarely enters into my decision about what to wear on my feet. What does influence my occasional decision to wear flats is that I don't feel like I can go out in heels if I don't look at least halfway presentable otherwise. For example, if I've just come home from work and I look grubby, but for some reason have to go to the supermarket to pick up something right away, I won't wear heels. If I've at least got time to comb my hair and put on a decent looking shirt, I'll always wear heels. And why wouldn't you wear heels to the supermarket? What's wrong with people?

I would love to wear heels to the supermarket, why not? Don't need to look like a slob just because it's your buying groceries. I do know that when I'm going out in heels I do a much better job at coordinating what I wear, how dark the jeans are, etc. I've found that I'm starting to coordinate my "male"-cloths more and more nowadays, so the heeling is probably making me a bit better dressed all-around.

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Thank you, good points all around. I do not think I would care either way, but am just curious. My wife is supportive, but I am sure she would also be super happy if this "feature" of me went away. At certain points, I also think I would be happy myself.

 

I'm with you on that one, friend.  At times my desire for heels consumes way too much of my time and energy.  There are certainly other things I could do that would be more productive or charitable.

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I’m pretty sure nobody takes any notice at all of me in heels and if they do i really don’t care, unfortunately i have to do all my heeling alone as my wife does think everybody will be staring and making fun at me, i keep reassuring her that I don’t experience any of this when I’m out on my own in my boots but she still can’t bring herself to accompany me in public, i can get away with low heels non feminine boots under my jeans but nothing more adventurous than that I’m afraid, I’ll keep working on it though 

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9 hours ago, RonC said:

Thank you, good points all around. I do not think I would care either way, but am just curious. My wife is supportive, but I am sure she would also be super happy if this "feature" of me went away. At certain points, I also think I would be happy myself.

 

I'm with you on that one, friend.  At times my desire for heels consumes way too much of my time and energy.  There are certainly other things I could do that would be more productive or charitable.

I can get behind you on that sentiment. I do spend a fair amount of my life worrying about shoes, and sometimes one thinks that one could be doing something else instead. But on the other hand, what are those other productive things we could be doing? For example, I should be doing yoga right now, instead of replying to this thread. However, if I weren't on here, would I actually be doing yoga? Probably not. I need to get re-motivated by the activity itself.

To use another example, I spend a tremendous amount of time and energy practicing music. Why do I do this? I don't make a living playing music. I am not good enough at any instrument that I bring some great contribution to culture and society. I have a tremendous amount of money tied up in musical instruments and accessories. I'm looking to buy a cornet, and I don't really play the cornet very well. So why bother? There is no real practical justification for it. Same for people who collect cars or postage stamps. Is there any real practical value to it? Taken from some perspectives, the answer is obviously no. However, there must be some personal value to us, or we wouldn't do it. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself.

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Exactly, i spend hours just about weekly on building paper models, mostly ships. Value, to me a lot but honestly only few would appreciate. Yet i do it.

20191216_062907_resized-1.jpg

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Nice looking ship models!
 

I have a beautiful hand crafted touring bicycle which I ride thousands of miles each year simply because I enjoy it. 

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No one has ever accused me of spending my time wisely or being a good businessman for sure.  The things I enjoy doing, working on my old outboards and small engines are not profitable endeavors for sure.  Nonetheless, these activities are enjoyable to me, so I consider them totally "worthwhile".  Just wish I got to spend more time doing the things I enjoy, especially while wearing boots....

On ‎12‎/‎14‎/‎2019 at 10:15 PM, p1ng74 said:

My wife tells me I get stared at a lot.  While we were in the UK she thinks there were a lot of stares at my cowboy boots with 3" heels, but she doesn't always attribute the stares to my footwear.  I must be used to the stares, as I am never bothered by it.  I am Chinese, 6 feet tall, (6'4" with heels) and grew up and live in the rural USA - many people take notice of me.  It would be hard even for someone else, I think, to isolate the source of people's stares to my footwear.  They could be staring at me for many other reasons, such as ethnicity, height, clothes, or thick glasses lenses lol.  

You have "got a lot going on" for sure buddy, "multi-faceted" in a good way....

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Any activity that keeps us occupied and that doesn’t bother or arm anyone is a good activity 

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I guess I think about the amount of money I've spent on this "hobby" of mine..lol

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On 12/16/2019 at 2:08 AM, maninboots said:

I’m pretty sure nobody takes any notice at all of me in heels and if they do i really don’t care, unfortunately i have to do all my heeling alone as my wife does think everybody will be staring and making fun at me, i keep reassuring her that I don’t experience any of this when I’m out on my own in my boots but she still can’t bring herself to accompany me in public, i can get away with low heels non feminine boots under my jeans but nothing more adventurous than that I’m afraid, I’ll keep working on it though 

That's more than what I have... Late night, she joined me once or twice if I go out in the dark for a walk in heels, but daylight etc, nope. Nada.

 

While I agree that hobbies are good, I don't think I would call my "heels" a hobby. It feels like a necessity, sort of. Hobbies can be harmful (if you spend too much $ on it for ex) but I don't think my wife would be upset if I started building paper ships... In any case, most of the times the entire topic gives me a joy (when looking at heels online, or being here) but it's the conflict with my wife I do not enjoy. I am getting to the point of accepting that this will never change, and also starting to see how much people don't care what I wear, but I really do not wish conflict within family.

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2 hours ago, hiddenheels said:

That's more than what I have... Late night, she joined me once or twice if I go out in the dark for a walk in heels, but daylight etc, nope. Nada.

 

While I agree that hobbies are good, I don't think I would call my "heels" a hobby. It feels like a necessity, sort of. Hobbies can be harmful (if you spend too much $ on it for ex) but I don't think my wife would be upset if I started building paper ships... In any case, most of the times the entire topic gives me a joy (when looking at heels online, or being here) but it's the conflict with my wife I do not enjoy. I am getting to the point of accepting that this will never change, and also starting to see how much people don't care what I wear, but I really do not wish conflict within family.

Yeah I’m exactly the same mate, i have a good long marriage and don’t want to jeopardise that in anyway, my wife takes an interest in my boots at home and never stops me going public on my own but no way will she accept going out with me in heels, i did pick her up from work once wearing heels and we had to stop at John Lewis to collect an online order, she didn’t realise at first that i was wearing heels as i hadn’t got out of the car, so i told I’d got my boots on and she waited in the car while i went in to collect the order, she did comment that nobody seemed to take any notice as i walked across the carpark towards the store and then back again but it still didn’t convince her that she’ll be fine to accompany me so I’ve just accepted that heeling has to be done alone which for me is better than not at all 

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2 hours ago, hiddenheels said:

That's more than what I have... Late night, she joined me once or twice if I go out in the dark for a walk in heels, but daylight etc, nope. Nada.

 

While I agree that hobbies are good, I don't think I would call my "heels" a hobby. It feels like a necessity, sort of. Hobbies can be harmful (if you spend too much $ on it for ex) but I don't think my wife would be upset if I started building paper ships... In any case, most of the times the entire topic gives me a joy (when looking at heels online, or being here) but it's the conflict with my wife I do not enjoy. I am getting to the point of accepting that this will never change, and also starting to see how much people don't care what I wear, but I really do not wish conflict within family.

Same here....My love of boots will never go away, and I don't want it to.  Just wish there was something I could do to repair the damage to my relationship....

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6 hours ago, pebblesf said:

Same here....My love of boots will never go away, and I don't want it to.  Just wish there was something I could do to repair the damage to my relationship....

Do you mind if I ask, what sort of damage? Was it strictly over the heels?

7 hours ago, maninboots said:

Yeah I’m exactly the same mate, i have a good long marriage and don’t want to jeopardise that in anyway, my wife takes an interest in my boots at home and never stops me going public on my own but no way will she accept going out with me in heels, i did pick her up from work once wearing heels and we had to stop at John Lewis to collect an online order, she didn’t realise at first that i was wearing heels as i hadn’t got out of the car, so i told I’d got my boots on and she waited in the car while i went in to collect the order, she did comment that nobody seemed to take any notice as i walked across the carpark towards the store and then back again but it still didn’t convince her that she’ll be fine to accompany me so I’ve just accepted that heeling has to be done alone which for me is better than not at all 

I would imagine if I did the same as you, my wife would do the same as yours...

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11 hours ago, maninboots said:

Yeah I’m exactly the same mate, i have a good long marriage and don’t want to jeopardise that in anyway, my wife takes an interest in my boots at home and never stops me going public on my own but no way will she accept going out with me in heels, i did pick her up from work once wearing heels and we had to stop at John Lewis to collect an online order, she didn’t realise at first that i was wearing heels as i hadn’t got out of the car, so i told I’d got my boots on and she waited in the car while i went in to collect the order, she did comment that nobody seemed to take any notice as i walked across the carpark towards the store and then back again but it still didn’t convince her that she’ll be fine to accompany me so I’ve just accepted that heeling has to be done alone which for me is better than not at all 

Totally with you - pretty much on every word (except that I don't heel publicly at all) - but in the most important thing in my life (wife, kids and fam) and not wanting to jeopardize that. Bonus points for her taking an interest still. Maybe she doesn't feel threatened by it (knowing she wont be with you in public), so feels she can still communicate with you about it in a 'safe' way for her.

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1 hour ago, jeremy1986 said:

Totally with you - pretty much on every word (except that I don't heel publicly at all) - but in the most important thing in my life (wife, kids and fam) and not wanting to jeopardize that. Bonus points for her taking an interest still. Maybe she doesn't feel threatened by it (knowing she wont be with you in public), so feels she can still communicate with you about it in a 'safe' way for her.

Yeah i think you’re right, if we see a man in heels either on tele or out and about then she always points them out likewise if she sees a woman in a nice pair of boots, she also often says how much she admires me for having the bottle to wear heels in public and for not being afraid to be who I am,  but still won’t accompany me in public, by the way, you should try public heeling, it really is a lot of fun mate 

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4 hours ago, maninboots said:

... she also often says how much she admires me for having the bottle to wear heels in public and for not being afraid to be who I am,  ….

Wow, amazing, that's really big of her... 

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Try to start with "men's" high heels. These have 9 cm heels at size US14 (women). No one really has a problem with them in public. Then you can go to bolder models.

w.jpg

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10 hours ago, jeremy1986 said:

Totally with you - pretty much on every word (except that I don't heel publicly at all) - but in the most important thing in my life (wife, kids and fam) and not wanting to jeopardize that. Bonus points for her taking an interest still. Maybe she doesn't feel threatened by it (knowing she wont be with you in public), so feels she can still communicate with you about it in a 'safe' way for her.

That makes sense... That might also explain the way my wife is treating this... Although she has joined me a few times when it's very dark outside. Anyway, will not push her with my heels, I'm quite happy to do it alone, although obviously would be happier if everyone was accepting of it...

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Having a friend trail you to measure reaction to your heel wearing could be a diversion leading you to conclusions both positive and negative about what the friend saw and their implications for you. The fact is people have 5 senses and use them to observe. Cannot stop it. You should really focus on increasing your confidence and that is really what makes the difference! HinH

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