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hiddenheels

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hiddenheels last won the day on November 2 2019

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About hiddenheels

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  1. I'm thinking of this "style" as well. Specifically thinking about the idea of showing a lot of unshaved leg with pumps. I'm not criticizing, but am curious whether you like it or not? I've found it works OK with some shoes, but not others? Love the heels though!
  2. Since the lockdown, I've been unable to wear heels, family is at home 24x7. This sucks, and the anxiety has kicked in a few times. My wife can read my moods and asks when I'm down, why I'm down. Based on our past interactions I've started telling her about how I would like to wear them a bit more and I'm not able to thus am a bit upset. In the last little bit this has led to some more discussion between her and I, and it's clear that she's not supportive of me wearing them in front of her or outside. Although she says she doesn't care if I wear it into a store, the attitude of how she says it clearly indicates that that's not the case. So it's been tough, and not only have I not been able to express myself for the past 8 weeks, I've also made backwards progress with my wife. This topic will never be resolved between her and I. As a side-note, she knows I love it when she herself wears heels to go shopping or something, that has not happened in a very long time. I've given up caring what she wears. While I understand her points on how this should not be a ruling factor in my life, or our lives, the inability to express myself as I wish it to be is difficult. She's also said that a relationship is compromise, and she also makes compromises. I agree with her on this. So, I'm going to have to settle into not doing anything until this thing is over, and I can get back to work. Once some semblance of normal returns, I am hoping to have some time to be able to do this on my own, even if it's stopping by some coffee shop or store periodically. Disappointing, but do not see much of a choice but to go at it alone. In the meantime I'll try to deal with my anger on this.
  3. This is a tough problem, but you're not alone. I've also been struggling with this for the past 20 years, at least. Some good days/weeks/months, some bad ones. If I have to chart my progress, then initially it was curiosity, and some amateurish outings, explorations, discussions with my wife. Although this never ever ever went away, I suppressed it for years, hiding things, and not discussing it with my wife. Resentment built, both towards myself, my desires, both in myself and my wife around this topic. About two-three years ago, as I matured I guess, I started exploring these desires more and more. I started going to parks, whenever possible. Started slowly opening up to my wife about this, and although she doesn't understand, and doesn't want to see me in them, as a "theoretical discussion" she's OK. "Out of sight, out of mind" for her, but at least I can open up to her. I've started buying proper jeans, slowly going to coffee shops, a few random mall visits, some grocery store visits, and over the process have become more comfortable with myself. The shoes, and the overall look, is starting to lose some of the weirdness, and at least to me, looks acceptable. I keep telling myself, if women can wear whatever, so can I, gender equality and all that. If someone ever does ask about my heels (and so far noone has), my response will be: "I support gender equality, and am walking the walk, not just talking the talk". Most recently I've started exploring skirts, and that's a lot of fun and cause of more confusion. Now, this all might sound great, but I have regular ups and downs. Just a few days ago I had a major down, has happened multiple times recently, where I'm just not sure why I'm battling this, thinking something is majorly wrong with me, why can't I be "normal" (whatever that is), life would be so much easier if this didn't exist in me, I want to apologize to my wife for putting her through this... But the desire to dress as I wish is just in me. It's not going away. It's been too long for it to be just a simple obsession. I want to dress the way I want to dress, while still looking male. I have no ability or desire to present as a female, I like my stubble and how my body looks like, I do not wish to change that. I noticed a lot of the same sentiment in your description of what you're going through. It does get easier, and more "normal" (at least to youself). Keep it up, and keep posting. Vent your frustrations here. One thing I did notice was a change not to look at this as something weird, but as pushing my own boundaries and comfort levels. Trying to push myself out of my comfort zone. Whenever you do that (for whatever reason) you get more resilient and stronger. I view each outing as a personal challenge, just like spiders or public speaking, you're afraid of it, until you do it over and over and your phobia slowly disappears. Yes, each outing is hard, but that only makes me stronger.
  4. hiddenheels

    WFH

    Those are some awesome heels! Love them! Wow, these I want! Lucky people here, I can't wear any heels at home. Makes it tough to enjoy heels...
  5. Wow... Those shoes look so awesome. Probably not $280 awesome, at least on my budget, but still... Nice!
  6. Probably pushing the boundaries a bit, but I'm trying to make a compromise, and do what I can, when I can. My favorite height is 4", that's just what I find most comfortable, but that would have been too much trouble at that time. Would have needed a different pair of jeans and all. :(
  7. hiddenheels

    WFH

    That does look nice and comfortable! I'm home with the entire family locked into a single place. Doing this is impossible, and being in boring cloths is a bit frustrating, and definitely no fun.
  8. With the virus, outings have disappeared. But I did have a chance a few days ago to go to a store. Left home, dressed in my usual guy cloths, but took my 2" chunky heel boots with me. They look like dress shoes, but have a bit of a heel to them. Changed into that in the car, and went into the store. The jeans do not hide the shoes one bit, but whatever. It was only a 2" heel. Didn't have any problems going into the store, or browsing or shopping. Was just a tad bit self conscious. Even ran into someone I know, but nothing was said. At least I was able to do a tiny bit of heeling, it's a rare opportunity nowadays...
  9. Been a while... With the lockdown opportunities are impossible to come by, so movement on this front has to be put on hold... At least I can spend some time reading about it, and trying to figure out in my head what it is I really want to do. I did have one outing a week or two back which it looks like I didn't post about. Was able to go out, it was dark already. Recently I bought a red plaid mini-skirt (my all-time favorite look). Black pantyhose, 4" stiletto heel boots, white T-shirt and black jacket. The look was simply amazing. The skirt very comfortable. It took a bit of effort to get out of the car, but I ended up walking around several blocks, including by a large road, for 30 minutes. It was dark, and I was stressed out of my mind for the first 5 minutes or so. Then I started relaxing and enjoying it. It was an amazing experience... The skirt looks something like this:
  10. My goto shoes? With kids and family at home 24x7, wearing anything remains a dream... Withdrawal symptoms are showing up.
  11. Those are some killer heels! I doubt you'll ever get rid of the butterflies with those. But then again, do you want to? :) Isn't that part of the thrill?
  12. That's a nice casual look! I also would be curious about reactions...
  13. How many women have feet larger than US 11? I try for US11, but can handle US10 most of the time. It is great, but wished my feet were just a bit slightly smaller as not everything goes up to 10/11.
  14. I'll also have to take a break, with everything closed and the entire family at home, it's difficult to disappear for a few hours.
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