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balletboot

My first public heel adventure

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Just now, Shyheels said:

Without knowing all the details, and just going on those three points above I'd say you're overthinking things.  

thanks

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1 hour ago, dagino said:

If you want to wear higher heels you have to give more love to your wife.

She gets absolutely everything I have to give and it's been that way since day one. I just think I pushed it to far to fast. At least that's what I'm hoping right now.

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Posted (edited)
7 hours ago, Gudulitooo said:

Perhaps it is not only between you and her.

How many friendships or relationships will she have to abandon / recreate when her friends or relations see you both in heels ?

This is an interesting point, and I sometimes wonder if it is healthier to introduce things like heel wearing during a vacation trip away together or something, where you do not expect to see anyone you know, and you are already in the mood to be more anonymous and create new experiences.  

Similarly, I can’t help but note that I started wearing heels in public under similar circumstances - on a trip away from home and among people that I didn’t already know.  It was only through time in these experiences that I became comfortable  with the idea of wearing them into the office and among people I already knew.  

Edited by p1ng74
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On 3/4/2019 at 7:17 AM, Gudulitooo said:

Perhaps it is not only between you and her.

How many friendships or relationships will she have to abandon / recreate when her friends or relations see you both in heels ?

Yes, those are good points, p1ng74, and I'd like to add on to that. Even I, who wear heels basically anywhere I want, with or without my wife, am not allowed to wear heels in a few situations. One is while we are in Vietnam. I believe that many of her family knows about my heel wearing, but they have never actually seen. Two is if we have a company function such as a Christmas party with her coworkers. Third is a certain group of Vietnamese friends we occasionally socialize with. I say a certain group because there are two separate and distinct groups--the other Vietnamese group would ask me where my heels were if I didn't wear them.

I took the opposite approach when I started wearing heels in public, and this may be the secret of my success. The very second time I wore heels in public, I marched straight into my church to be met by dozens of people I knew. When people there seemed all right with it, I figure my wife was pretty much shook her head and thought to herself, "Oh, well.  .  ." I must also reveal the fact that back then, I wasn't wearing giant stiletto heels or anything, just slightly higher heels than a man would normally wear.

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1 hour ago, mlroseplant said:

I must also reveal the fact that back then, I wasn't wearing giant stiletto heels or anything, just slightly higher heels than a man would normally wear.

2 to 3 inch heels are relatively common standard heel heights in cowboy boots, and are also relatively “normal”.  I found that people didn’t really notice anything different until I went into the over 4” range.  

I agree that for those that still have doubts about the social acceptability of a man in 2” block heels, do what @mlroseplant did and just plunge right in to show that it is no big deal.  

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balletboot,

Ah yes, the familiar "how dare you wear what you want and shatter my protected view of the world" syndrome. Men can't flip out when they see women dressed in jeans and polo shirts one day and then a dress and heels the next but many women simply can't understand a man trying the same variety. What's going on here is traditional roles being challenged. She sees you about to go out in heels with her and she feels threatened. Your heels threaten her traditional view of you and how you, as a biological man, are supposed to be seen as her protector. Her heels are simply part of her traditional role. She's defining the world by who is wearing the heels rather than person's character. I disagree with Rick24 in that it seems premature to simply state you two are incompatible with each other but I do think you have to directly challenge her apparent insecurity. She sees your heels and is thinking, "Is he turning gay or what's next a sex change operation?" She needs that reassurance that neither of these is about to happen. That can be done by rewinding the tape of the last two years and reviewing what you already know. That you two were attracted to each other for reasons having nothing to do with heels and that heels in of themselves do not define either of you. That she has known of your heels for some time and has not objected. She owes you an explanation for her reaction and you owe her some reassurance of who you really are and why she fell in love with you. Two years is not that long, a blink of an eye compared with how long many of us have known or been married, so you are essentially still in the "road testing" phase though near the end of it I would think. I think all women want to look good next to their man in social settings and what you wear is a reflection of that. I think you two could go out together in heels but perhaps somewhere else not in your local area to start with. A frank discussion is definitely needed.

You could point out that heels were originally designed for men 500 years ago and that it wasn't until the late 1800's that women exclusively started wearing them. You could point out that men still design much of what women now wear from their heels to their dresses and tops. You could show her this website but don't do it until after you have started to really talk about things. Whatever path you choose know that you have received some caring and thoughtful advice here from many men who wear heels and only want the best for you.  We live in cities and suburbs and small towns and rural areas all over the world and have wives and kids and work in a multitude of professions. Heels are one facet of our personality. Keep the dialogue going and keep us informed. You came to the right place :welcome:   HappyinHeels

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On 3/1/2019 at 9:14 PM, balletboot said:

Well tonight was a disaster. 

My girlfriend and I were supposed to go out to dinner. So we were getting ready and as I watched her pick out her outfit and then pick out her heels to match it I thought. I want to wear heels tonight instead of my boring mens sneakers.. I found a nice shirt and grabbed the pants and the heels in the picture below. Got dressed and thought to myself. This looks good I can't wait to go out to dinner!

 

I came out of the room and she lost it. Started crying saying she hates that I have heels and hates that I want to wear them. Men dont wear heels. We talked a little but she wouldn't listen to me she has some image in her head and I can't get it out of her to really know what's going on. I offered to change into my regular sneakers with no luck.  In the end we didn't even leave the house...

I guess my healing is now put way out on the back burner :/ 

Hopefully tomorrow we can have a real conversation once she has calmed down a little.

20181103_123009.thumb.jpg.e7cac081cb361271cfa80648a7d97a26.jpg

I'm so sorry to hear that your heels have caused a problem in your relationship....My boots have created a horrible wound in my relationship for sure, one that hasn't healed up for sure.  I should have been upfront when I first met him, but was not.  He knows about my boots and has seen them, he knows I take them while on layovers to wear.  I am guessing he thinks I am misbehaving terribly while away in my boots, even though I try my best to convince him otherwise.  

So, back off a bit for now, but try to keep the conversation alive.  Maybe she will reveal her fears/objections, so you will have the chance to reassure her that you are not going to run off the a drag club or change your sexual identity and desire for her.  This is a tough situation for sure, try to look at things from her perspective so you relate to how she feels insecure in the relationship.  

By the way buddy, the combination of those boots and pants is amazingly masculine and powerful....Don

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1 hour ago, HappyinHeels said:

balletboot,

Ah yes, the familiar "how dare you wear what you want and shatter my protected view of the world" syndrome. Men can't flip out when they see women dressed in jeans and polo shirts one day and then a dress and heels the next but many women simply can't understand a man trying the same variety. What's going on here is traditional roles being challenged. She sees you about to go out in heels with her and she feels threatened. Your heels threaten her traditional view of you and how you, as a biological man, are supposed to be seen as her protector. Her heels are simply part of her traditional role. She's defining the world by who is wearing the heels rather than person's character. I disagree with Rick24 in that it seems premature to simply state you two are incompatible with each other but I do think you have to directly challenge her apparent insecurity. She sees your heels and is thinking, "Is he turning gay or what's next a sex change operation?" She needs that reassurance that neither of these is about to happen. That can be done by rewinding the tape of the last two years and reviewing what you already know. That you two were attracted to each other for reasons having nothing to do with heels and that heels in of themselves do not define either of you. That she has known of your heels for some time and has not objected. She owes you an explanation for her reaction and you owe her some reassurance of who you really are and why she fell in love with you. Two years is not that long, a blink of an eye compared with how long many of us have known or been married, so you are essentially still in the "road testing" phase though near the end of it I would think. I think all women want to look good next to their man in social settings and what you wear is a reflection of that. I think you two could go out together in heels but perhaps somewhere else not in your local area to start with. A frank discussion is definitely needed.

You could point out that heels were originally designed for men 500 years ago and that it wasn't until the late 1800's that women exclusively started wearing them. You could point out that men still design much of what women now wear from their heels to their dresses and tops. You could show her this website but don't do it until after you have started to really talk about things. Whatever path you choose know that you have received some caring and thoughtful advice here from many men who wear heels and only want the best for you.  We live in cities and suburbs and small towns and rural areas all over the world and have wives and kids and work in a multitude of professions. Heels are one facet of our personality. Keep the dialogue going and keep us informed. You came to the right place :welcome:   HappyinHeels

This is one of the most relevant post yet. It is basically exactly what has been said between us during that night and next day. 

One of the things shes said was I'm "supposed to to protect her not be prancing around in heels." Of course in the heat of the moment I couldn't chime in much as she was to emotional to hear a single word I said. Of course as you all know we dont just prance around in heels, we just walk like every other human.

 

And yes I did come to the right place. I havnt been given anything other than kind words and support since I joined this site!

1 hour ago, pebblesf said:

So, back off a bit for now, but try to keep the conversation alive.  Maybe she will reveal her fears/objections, so you will have the chance to reassure her that you are not going to run off the a drag club or change your sexual identity and desire for her.  This is a tough situation for sure, try to look at things from her perspective so you relate to how she feels insecure in the relationship.  

By the way buddy, the combination of those boots and pants is amazingly masculine and powerful....Don

I have definitely stepped back a few steps. But I'm not going to just let this stop me. I'm going to keep slowly trying to talk to her about it all. Maybe suggest going out of town the first time we go out in heels.

I agree I love the look! I've never recieved a negative comment when going out. I need her to see that to help her come around.

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1 hour ago, balletboot said:

This is one of the most relevant post yet. It is basically exactly what has been said between us during that night and next day. 

One of the things shes said was I'm "supposed to to protect her not be prancing around in heels." Of course in the heat of the moment I couldn't chime in much as she was to emotional to hear a single word I said. Of course as you all know we dont just prance around in heels, we just walk like every other human.

I think it will take time and actions to convince women that we are not putting our masculinity on the shelf when we wear heels.  This is why I am taking every opportunity to go out looking comfortable doing normal things while wearing heels.  Forgot something back in the car?  Yes I am sprinting, even while wearing 3” heels. Lifting my luggage at the airport?  Changing a flat tire?  I do it in 4+” heels.  Nothing changes.  I will still hold doors and elevators open for women, and bend over to pick things off the ground that get dropped.  

When I walk to the office at the beginning of the week I bring the whole week’s worth of lunch to keep in the refrigerator.  There is a gallon of milk and ice, among the other things, in the cooler.  I have two laptops in the bag.  Yes, wearing 4” heels added a new element to this routine at first, but it’s a fun routine that is now normal.  

44669C4E-C4D8-40E8-BE98-6728DB0349C6.thumb.jpeg.8a67939515d29242de13489937eac9a1.jpeg

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12 minutes ago, p1ng74 said:

I think it will take time and actions to convince women that we are not putting our masculinity on the shelf when we wear heels.  This is why I am taking every opportunity to go out looking comfortable doing normal things while wearing heels.  Forgot something back in the car?  Yes I am sprinting, even while wearing 3” heels. Lifting my luggage at the airport?  Changing a flat tire?  I do it in 4+” heels.  Nothing changes.  I will still hold doors and elevators open for women, and bend over to pick things off the ground that get dropped.  

I think you are right. Time is most likely the biggest factor. Also If I didn't work in a position where steel toe boots are a must and instead was in an office. I would definitely try to incorporate heels into my daily wear at work.

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@balletboot

Sounds good to hear that you two had discussions. I think that is the way, to talk to each other and to find a way.

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wow... such interesting timing. I just had a discussion with my wife last week. it was comforting and disappointing at the same time. I was going to write a post in my own thread about it, but will join in the discussion here as its more relevant. 

But first about yours, @balletboot. I am sorry for the shake-up you went through. I know how troubled you must feel now... it can really shake us to the core. I didn't understand if you have already had that next conversation with her since that little blow-up?

I agree with much that has been said above too. Yes - a relationship is way more important than a pair of shoes (no matter how high the heel!), but I definitely understand folks who want it known that they like heels and are looking in advance for someone with an open mind who will accept it. I do not agree with others who have said that heels are most important, so hell with having a GF ;-)   ... but each to their own.   

It will take time to get over this, but you might have to come to terms with the fact that you two may NEVER get over this. it might remain something uncomfortable for your GF to see or participate it... and you might be left to do it alone, if you so choose to continue.

In fact I was surprised by all the others who chimed in and also shared the difficulty their spouses are having with this hobby/passion of ours. I think so often, here on the forum, we hear from the guys who could care less about what's accepted or not, and just go about and do what they feel is good for them, and anyone else has "not accepted themselves yet", or is just playing around with heels and not "doing it right", or is "on the way" to do it right - in public, at work and with the wife and co-workers by their side. And from my own experience, that's kind of fantasy world... and I'm kinda happy (sorry...!) that there are others in the same position having to deal with this also, and are not in a supportive environment. 

So yes - by all means, try help her understand how you see things, but yes - its still not "normal", despite what we think and hope, and she may not come around to liking it, or even accepting it. As others have said, I think it would be unwise to show her the forum right now. Take it easy with her, and slow. have discussions about what you like about each other... and back to basics. and then have calm discussions about the issue (without your heels on!)

* * * 

Now about my own experience - last week I was working from home, on a nice cold day, and I had selected a pair of boots to wear, but hadn't put them on yet, as I felt I wanted to open the discussion again with my wife. I haven't worn heels in front of her at home for a long time (in fact have heeled very little over the past few months), and I wanted to make it an open discussion again. I was debating how to do it and my time was running short as the kids would be home at some point... so I just jumped to it at some point, and raised the subject and asked her for some space to heel, and for some level of accommodation for me and my heels. it felt hard having to really ask for something for myself. it was hard kind of admitting that this is something I want to be able to do.

the response I got was not what I expected. she did not come out viciously against it... but said how hard a "thing" it is for her to swallow, or accept. She said she understands its something I want to be able to do, and I can do so if I wish, but she does not want to have to see it, and definitely not to partake on any level. She said that its obviously sitting on some deep-rooted issue, and she sometimes wishes I could open it with a therapist, dig down, and "cure the issue" and not have it anymore. 

It was a tender and open discussion, and in that way I am happy. she says she loves me and wants me to be happy, but she wants no part of it.

Her response surprised and disappointed me, because I feel that she also does not stick to the "middle road" of what's necessarily normal or expected. We live in a very conservative community and she doesn't always walk the walk or talk the talk, and I was hoping she would "allow" me the space to do the same - especially seen as its really harmless, only at home, with no one really knowing. Also, after a long and difficult period, of having to "put up" with serious emotional issues that *she* is going through, I had hoped to have some level of appreciation and acceptance of my own "issues", and after having grown closer over the last few months too. 

Yes, obviously I can make my own decisions and should I want to - wear the heels nonetheless, with or without asking, where the heck I want. But A) I don't want to hide it, and B) I don't want to ruin our marriage over "a pair of heels" as was said above. So I was left with very mixed feelings. I did put the boots on for a short while afterwards, mainly as  statement to myself, more than anything else.

I still dot really understand how my wife was somewhat accepting when I "came out" to her and even helped me shop a few times - and now, told me how hard it is for her. but that's a legitimate change of mind that one can have. 

But the more I continued to think about it, the more stupid (the exact term someone else used above) I felt for being a man who likes wearing heels. yes - its NOT normal and NOT accepted, despite the few voices we hear on the forum. I took a week off from the forum (used to visit daily or sometimes multiple times daily), and am close to a purge. Am still going back and forth in my own head. sure - as I said, its not harmful to anyone, and nothing "wrong" with it at all... just that its not normal... wouldn't it just be simpler if I could just get over it??

* * * 

Sorry for the long post... I appreciate those who took the time to read it. Don't want to seen as having hijacked the post - just chiming in with my similar experiences.

Wishing everyone well, and hope everyone gets to be happy and satisfied in their own setting :) 

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@jeremy1986 It sounds like we are both in very similar situations. Along with many others but both of ours are happening more or less right now. 

My gf and I havnt talked about it since the night of when it all happened. I can tell she is still stressed out and not ready to talk yet, so I havnt tried bringing it up. But in due time.

I'm sorry to hear that your talk didn't quite go the way you had hoped but it could still be worse.

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15 minutes ago, balletboot said:

@jeremy1986 It sounds like we are both in very similar situations. Along with many others but both of ours are happening more or less right now. 

My gf and I havnt talked about it since the night of when it all happened. I can tell she is still stressed out and not ready to talk yet, so I havnt tried bringing it up. But in due time.

I'm sorry to hear that your talk didn't quite go the way you had hoped but it could still be worse.

Thanks @balletboot

You are totally right - it could be much worse. Which kind of brings me back to what I said: what do I need this for? Maybe I should indeed just "get over it" (somehow) and we can all get on with things... and move on to the next crisis ;-) 

I think your not bringing it up for now is the right choice, and probably what I would do as well. But at some point (after creating  the right setting, atmosphere etc) you will probably want to bring it up, not to reach a resolution or agreement, but even just to clear the air. 

 

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11 minutes ago, jeremy1986 said:

Thanks @balletboot

You are totally right - it could be much worse. Which kind of brings me back to what I said: what do I need this for? Maybe I should indeed just "get over it" (somehow) and we can all get on with things... and move on to the next crisis ;-) 

I think your not bringing it up for now is the right choice, and probably what I would do as well. But at some point (after creating  the right setting, atmosphere etc) you will probably want to bring it up, not to reach a resolution or agreement, but even just to clear the air. 

 

Yes next time I bring it up will definitely be to try and clear the air. From there I'll have to wait and see how the conversation goes.

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My thoughts are with you both....  Jeremy, please don't punish/be so hard on yourself about this.  I too have parted company with some of my boots, but only the ones I know I won't wear publicly, this was done as a bit of a compromise with my partner.  "Purge" suggests you will discard/donate all of your heels/boots, I'm hoping you won't do that.   Chances are pretty good that you will just replace them in the future....

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On 3/8/2019 at 1:20 AM, pebblesf said:

My thoughts are with you both....  Jeremy, please don't punish/be so hard on yourself about this.  I too have parted company with some of my boots, but only the ones I know I won't wear publicly, this was done as a bit of a compromise with my partner.  "Purge" suggests you will discard/donate all of your heels/boots, I'm hoping you won't do that.   Chances are pretty good that you will just replace them in the future....

Thanks Pebbles, I appreciate it. I don't know yet which way I'm heading... still pondering (read: aching over trying to sort my feelings out, on all the direct and related issues!)

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j-1986 and balletboot,

As your situations are similar enough I figured I would address you both. I appreciate the candor of both and the struggles you are negotiating right now. I believe both of you should just sit back and pay close attention to your lady and let her initiate the topic or most of the conversation for that matter. I would NOT entertain ideas of a purge. This forum has plenty of prior posts of members who did this only to regret it later and realise it wasn't the solution. That is because the need to wear heels has been part of your DNA longer than you knew it was in your DNA. It is a natural part of your identity and will not simply go away by purging your closet of heels. Whether or not a woman we love will accept that fact is another matter. We men routinely accept various facets of being around women such as they need more time to put on makeup, colour their hair, get dressed in general, more space for shoes and clothes, and just the general fact their wardrobe is so varied and so colourful while ours tends not to be. We accept her nice ventilated outfit on a really warm day while we struggle by in a suit. We accept they get to show their emotions more readily whilst we keep the stiff upper lip. Women really do tend to build a protective bubble around themselves and many times a man is at the centre of that bubble. We are expected to show strength, resolve, and a certain masculinity by appearing to protect our lady and wearing heels seemingly screws with a woman's natural programming like it or not. The real trick is the reassurance that YOUR heels cannot and will not diminish your love for her nor will they will lead to start playing for the other team as it were. You both must convince her that the fundamental reasons which attracted you have not changed and that a desire to wear shoes or boots with that familiar high heel she likes so much is not logical grounds to turn on someone. Nobody enjoys having their insecurities laid bare but sometimes that is exactly what is needed to get past them and move on with enjoying your life together. Or not. Some women simply will choose to not give ground and this may be a sign of an unwillingness to compromise and much of life is indeed a compromise.  There is a simple word for those who never compromise when sharing space in an imperfect world; DIVORCED or otherwise lonely. Since we humans are designed for interaction we are also inherently designed to compromise with one another.   Again, those who do not compromise shall face the wrath of their own stubbornness and live in deafening silence. I certainly believe your situations are salvageable and fixable but remember it takes two people to make a relationship work. As soon as one wants to point the finger of blame that person needs to be reminded any pointed finger results in three others pointed right back at you. People forget that. Keep working at it and keep listening which I believe will help greatly. You both have a right to be as happy as you can be in this temporary journey we call life. God Bless You Both. HappyinHeels

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My latest heel adventure was different from any other time when going to the mall.

Had meet with female friend so called mall date. Was running late as usual so i quickly made my way through the crowded mall parking lot and into the building. Texting messaging was my only thoughts. In the past i would be like some members who have shared their experiences having wrote in there wearing heels in public butterflies in the pit of  there stomach. Little did i care or think i had on heel booties with my skin tight legging jeans and waist length parajumpers parka lined fur hood. 

Once i got to the place for a meet up with my lady friend she acknowledged me before i discovered where she was. She made a scene raising her hand waving me over. As i walked towards her she looked at my heels immediately loving the shoes. Other people she was with were in shock although she introduced me to them. We parted ways from her friends left together walking around the mall to grab beverage. Didn't notice one person around the mall that gave me erie stare or snubbing reaction. In fact i had long time family friend stop me with my lady friend to catch up, but left as quick not wanting to intrude in our outing together. As we sat having beverage together sitting at table seemingly in middle of the square of  crowd of people none seemingly recognize my footwear or skin tight jeans. 

After parting from my lady friend i walked to my car alone through the mall. Seemingly found none gave any care what i was wearing. Total difference if i were alone going on to do my errand thinking what other maybe thinking of my outfit. Looking at any slightest reaction expression from others was my hobby making it more clinic then it is actually.

Later went to another mall alone feeling very confident yet my feet began to hurt from the 4 inch block leather booties. Didn't care what others thought but seemingly was if i was wearing average joe plain clothes and flat sneakers. Knew i appeared very different from others for sure but that wasn't what i concentrated on all day. 

So when questions are asked on the forum is it easier to heel with a woman? Answer is Yes! wonderful experience. Wish more women would accept men in garb i wear. It only takes one and she totally loved it as much as me, noticing me smiling lot more. Suppose it was what i wanted to wear giving me happier expression thinking for that brief time my outfit is  acceptable in public eye or at least tolerated and ignored like every plain joe or jane. Yet difficult for me to ignore some nice looking ladies on my trip that day, pleasant eye candy to observe .

 

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On 3/6/2019 at 2:22 PM, p1ng74 said:

I think it will take time and actions to convince women that we are not putting our masculinity on the shelf when we wear heels.  This is why I am taking every opportunity to go out looking comfortable doing normal things while wearing heels.  Forgot something back in the car?  Yes I am sprinting, even while wearing 3” heels. Lifting my luggage at the airport?  Changing a flat tire?  I do it in 4+” heels.  Nothing changes.  I will still hold doors and elevators open for women, and bend over to pick things off the ground that get dropped.  

When I walk to the office at the beginning of the week I bring the whole week’s worth of lunch to keep in the refrigerator.  There is a gallon of milk and ice, among the other things, in the cooler.  I have two laptops in the bag.  Yes, wearing 4” heels added a new element to this routine at first, but it’s a fun routine that is now normal.  

 

This 100%.  In my discussion with the girl I'm seeing, I was careful to articulate that me wearing heels doesn't change my spirit of leadership, spirit of responsibility, or spirit of ambition.  It doesn't change my intelligence, my sense of humor, or my self confidence (things she finds attractive in me).  

 

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Posted (edited)

Kneehighs you have always been one of the best heel wearers amongst us in public. I'm sure she'll  come around. Honestly a bit surprised she didn't already know before you became involved.

Edited by Jkrenzer
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i'm sure she approves of you wearing heels kneehighs.

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I am still a little defensive about my heels, so when women wonder if that makes me less of a man, I just challenge them and their wardrobe. At one time trousers were only for men of course, and now that's no way to judge somebody's character. That usually ends the conversation, although I'm finding more and more if I just say I like heels and be myself, they are intrigued by me more than anything, and fun often ensues.

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11 hours ago, bambam said:

I am still a little defensive about my heels, so when women wonder if that makes me less of a man, I just challenge them and their wardrobe. At one time trousers were only for men of course, and now that's no way to judge somebody's character. That usually ends the conversation, although I'm finding more and more if I just say I like heels and be myself, they are intrigued by me more than anything, and fun often ensues.

Yeah, second option is probably the best...It is like you say, either they are going to like you/be intrigued by your confidence and look in heels, or move on.....

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Kneehighs,

EXACTLY my friend. Those qualities which attracted her to you didn't magically change when you put on heeled footwear. You have always appeared as one of , as JKrenzer put it, "one of the best heel wearers among us in public". I think you are also one of the articulate members and believe these two qualities are inextricably linked. I have not been shy at wearing heels but take some of my inspiration from certain members in this forum. You are one of those members and I thought it was important to reaffirm that. HappyinHeels

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A quick search through our website’s archives will find many, many pages discussing this subject.  I doubt there isn’t one male member of this forum that has not wrestled with this question at one time or another.  The archives are full of stories concerning how various individuals resolved this issue with some solutions ending in tragic circumstances.  After seriously analyzing many of cases, there is no simple answer because each instance is totally different as are the people involved.

There are, however, several similar things that each of these situations has in common.    First, Recognizing your desire to wear high heels (girls shoes) will never go away.  An individual might successfully repress this desire for a period of time (weeks, months or even years) but, at some point in time, it will resurface. And, when it does is when problems begin. Especially if there is a wife involved.

The earlier (sooner) your desire to wear heel, any other unusual desire, is revealed in any relationship the greater the chances are that your prospective partner will, with time, understand and accept you wearing them.  Perhaps there might be some restrictions placed or when and where you can wear them (as there were in my case) but remaining within the boundaries of the agreement can lead to long and successful relationship.

The proper time in my opinion, for a man to tell a prospective lifelong partner that he has a unusual habit or desire, such as cross dressing or wearing high heels , is as soon as he realizes their relationship has become more than a “boy friend-girl friend” attraction.  Lifetime relationships are built on trust.  Not revealing an unusual personality desire is more likely to lead to a tragic ending especially if marriage and children are involved.

Any male high heels wearer that fails to reveal their desire to wear heels to a prospective life partner before making any commitment, is really disrespectful to their partner — as it is likewise, with their partners.

 

 

 

 

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I avoid this issue from the start. My fingernails are exquisite at all times and I wear heels almost all the time.

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Balletboot,

I've been gone a while and and was trying to catch up on what others had to say which resulted in me doing a lot of skimming, so what I say may have been covered.

Obviously, your SO wasn't comfortable at all with you wearing heels publicly.  Not sure how she feel about you wearing them when both are home.  But you definitely pushed the envelope WAY too far for her.  Perhaps a better option would be to ask her ahead of time if she minded if you wore them under long pants that cover most, if not all of the heel.  Doing it ahead of time, puts her in control and may open up the door to some discussion about you wearing heels. 

Even if she says no, I think the blowup caused by the surprise would have been avoided.

Comments?

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Balletboot and to all who have "troubles" with their better half. 

As a new member and as guest I was following this topic from start. We all know how hard is our passion, how happy can it be, how rewarding can it be. On my own I can say that our wife's, gfs, fiances and all women are hard to understand, they have different moods, different approach from us on many things, but one is common to all of us. We can't live without them. So we are doing everything to keep them happy. But...

Heeling for many of us is something that pleasure ourselves, those pair of heels make our day a better day. We know this, but our halfs don't know this feeling. Unfortunately for them it's only another pair of shoes. Its like for us casual pair of men shoes. 

My point is that we have something important for us. Heels. And our heels are main enemy to ours halfs because every woman needs to be in center of our attention. Maybe we all look better in heels than our halfs ?(at least in ours halfs minds). Maybe this is a problem ? I've seen many photos of You guys and damn, most of You if not all have great legs, and this is the reason for our halfs to behave like they do. We took feminine part of clothings and we look better than them. Maybe in the end of the day it's just envy ? Same thing goes when You're in public places and women are looking on us with envy and thinking "this guys moves and look better than me, let's mock with him". 

"convince women that we are not putting our masculinity on the shelf when we wear heels"

I agree with that also. Women are "weaker" than us and for that matter there is public thinking that men should protect them, give them safe feeling. Maybe if our woman saw us I heels they lost that idea of men being protective. 

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2 hours ago, WenHH said:

Balletboot and to all who have "troubles" with their better half. 

As a new member and as guest I was following this topic from start. We all know how hard is our passion, how happy can it be, how rewarding can it be. On my own I can say that our wife's, gfs, fiances and all women are hard to understand, they have different moods, different approach from us on many things, but one is common to all of us. We can't live without them. So we are doing everything to keep them happy. But...

Heeling for many of us is something that pleasure ourselves, those pair of heels make our day a better day. We know this, but our halfs don't know this feeling. Unfortunately for them it's only another pair of shoes. Its like for us casual pair of men shoes. 

My point is that we have something important for us. Heels. And our heels are main enemy to ours halfs because every woman needs to be in center of our attention. Maybe we all look better in heels than our halfs ?(at least in ours halfs minds). Maybe this is a problem ? I've seen many photos of You guys and damn, most of You if not all have great legs, and this is the reason for our halfs to behave like they do. We took feminine part of clothings and we look better than them. Maybe in the end of the day it's just envy ? Same thing goes when You're in public places and women are looking on us with envy and thinking "this guys moves and look better than me, let's mock with him". 

"convince women that we are not putting our masculinity on the shelf when we wear heels"

I agree with that also. Women are "weaker" than us and for that matter there is public thinking that men should protect them, give them safe feeling. Maybe if our woman saw us I heels they lost that idea of men being protective. 

Interesting theory. Its possibly I guess … 

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