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Kjones92

Aspiring London Public Heeler

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Stumbled on this site just over a year ago and been a member for a while.I'm inspired by some of the members here past and present from reading their stories,seeing their pics and public outfits.My shoe collection keeps growing and becoming a little addicted now. I have been wanting to go public or at least get outdoors for sometime now, and wishing wont make that happen But I eventually got outdoors in heels.

For the past few days I've been planning on my first outing on Friday night in central London. After meeting up with my friend i had a choice to either go home or face my fear and wear my heels which i brought with me. I stayed out and went to one of the major public parks which was pretty much empty. After 20 - 30 mins of being stuck in my head i got my Kurt Geiger booties out of my bag,got changed and started walking. And soon realised how much harder it is to walk with heels outdoors than at home.After walking around the park for several minutes I changed into my platform-less Simi stilletos which where easier to walk in. I walked around the park for 20 mins stopping a few times to sit down.

Eventually I got near the road which was a little busy and without hesitation  I started walking on the footpath next to the road. My heels where fully exposed (so where my booties earlier) as i was walking next to the road, and both my face and heels were visible to cars driving in the opposite direction. It felt good but I was nervous. After several minutes I got back into the park through another entrance. Nearly bumbed into a few people during my time there who could have noticed my footwear even at night, but Im sure some heard the sound. A few times part of me also wanted someone to notice me as a guy in heels, haha. 

Overall it wasn't a dramatic expirience compared to the early stories of others but for me it was about taking the initial step of getting outdoors and eventually making it a habbit. Since Im going to be heeling at night for now (when its darker and less busy in general), i dont mind my heels being exposed. A few times before i reached the road I wanted to call it a night as my legs were tiring but I'm glad  I kept pushing my comfort zone and walking a little further with my heels exposed knowing i could potentially  bump into someone at somepoint.

Cant wait until Sunday night. Wont be wasting much time in the park this time, but only to get changed. I want  to walk next to the road,residential areas and streets for longer, slowly pushing my comfort zone each time I go out.

I will post some pics of my collection soon. 

Edited by Kjones92
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My knee boots don't have heels but I wear them over skinny jeans and have wandered all over London with nobody taking the least bit of notice - Charing Cross to Euston station, along the Thames path, to the Tate, around Covent Garden and Seven Dials etc. Not so much as a raised eyebrow.

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1 hour ago, Kjones92 said:

Stumbled on this site just over a year ago and been a member for a while.I'm inspired by some of the members here past and present from reading their stories,seeing their pics and public outfits.My shoe collection keeps growing and becoming a little addicted now. I have been wanting to go public or at least get outdoors for sometime now, and wishing wont make that happen But I eventually got outdoors in heels.

For the past few days I've been planning on my first outing on Friday night in central London. After meeting up with my friend i had a choice to either go home or face my fear and wear my heels which i brought with me. I stayed out and went to one of the major public parks which was pretty much empty. After 20 - 30 mins of being stuck in my head i got my Kurt Geiger booties out of my bag,got changed and started walking. And soon realised how much harder it is to walk with heels outdoors than at home.After walking around the park for several minutes I changed into my platform-less Simi stilletos which where easier to walk in. I walked around the park for 20 mins stopping a few times to sit down.

Eventually I got near the road which was a little busy and without hesitation  I started walking on the footpath next to the road. My heels where fully exposed (so where my booties earlier) as i was walking next to the road, and both my face and heels were visible to cars driving in the opposite direction. It felt good but I was nervous. After several minutes I got back into the park through another entrance. Nearly bumbed into a few people during my time there who could have noticed my footwear even at night, but Im sure some heard the sound. A few times part of me also wanted someone to notice me as a guy in heels, haha. 

Overall it wasn't a dramatic expirience compared to the early stories of others but for me it was about taking the initial step of getting outdoors and eventually making it a habbit. Since Im going to be heeling at night for now (when its darker and less busy in general), i dont mind my heels being exposed. A few times before i reached the road I wanted to call it a night as my legs were tiring but I'm glad  I kept pushing my comfort zone and walking a little further with my heels exposed knowing i could potentially  bump into someone at somepoint.

Cant wait until Sunday night. Wont be wasting much time in the park this time, but only to get changed. I want  to walk next to the road,residential areas and streets for longer, slowly pushing my comfort zone each time I go out.

I will post some pics of my collection soon. 

Hi, I’m always pleased to find new heelers on here and especially fellow uk ones, very interesting story and takes me back many years when i was scared stiff to venture out in my heels in case i was spotted by someone, how things have moved on where i now wear up to 4” heeled knee high boots over jeans in broad daylight.

     I don’t know if you’ve seen my Costa in boots thread, you’ll see quite a few different pairs i wear on there and possibly a nice coffee shop would be a good place for you to get started heeling in public, I’m actually enjoying a latte in a branch of McDonald’s wearing my next western slouch knee high boots with a 31/2” heel as i write this reply.

  Nobody really takes any notice and if you do get any comments  they’re normally complimentary. 

    I think if you keep your style masculine and contemporary it really won’t look out of place, try the coffee shop mate, think you’ll find it beneficial and hope you keep progressing in your heels, I’m sure we’ll speak again soon and good luck 

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Kjones92,

Congrats on your first outing! It gets easier every time, and pretty soon you'll look back and wonder what all your fears were about. Yes, you might get some compliments, but don't be surprised if you don't. People are pretty much wrapped up in themselves and if they're not paying attention, they won't notice. And most people, if they do notice, won't care. We who are into high heels think everyone notices, but in truth, they don't and don't care.

Practice. A lot! Wear heels every chance you get. You need to build up your ankle muscles so that you can walk gracefully and not clomp around like a teenage girl in her first pair of heels. If you're graceful, you will blend in and feel confident, and that's the key to success.

So get out there often and strut your stuff. Watch where you put your stiletto heels. Sidewalk cracks are dangerous! And stay out of parks at night. You'll attract undesirable people and possibly the police. Go to busy places, such as malls and coffee shops - much safer and much more fun!

Good luck!

Steve

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This is the one instance I can think of where Steve and I have differing opinions about what is the best way to go about building up one's confidence. Steve says stay out of parks at night, and advises against night walks elsewhere in general. I say it depends. In London, I assume there are some safe places to heel at night, and I assume there are some unsafe places, which contrasts with my small town, where there are no unsafe places ever, unless you count ice in the winter. The dilemma is, on the one hand, you don't want to been seen as furtive and timid, as if you're doing something wrong, but on the other hand, as you noted, walking in the real world is much harder than walking around the house. So how are you supposed to get competent without other people seeing you look like an idiot? My personal solution to this was a LOT of night walking. I hate other people watching me struggle at anything. In any case, good luck with your continuing journey.

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@Kjones92 congratulations on your first outing, it sounds successful.  In my experience, it only gets more fun from here.  If you live in an urban area there are lots of opportunities to create a walking routine to get practice.  Last year I started a new daily working routine.  On a good day I walk through a grocery store in the morning, walk to and from the office, walk down the street to a restaurant for dinner, and then walk around a mall/department store for as long as I wish to finish the day.  This routine started before I ever came to HHP or owning 4” heels.  When I wanted to go higher I just added them to the routine starting with the casual outings.  Now I wear the 4” heels into the office and am in them from breakfast until bedtime.  It’s pretty fun and satisfying.  

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So @Kjones92 you've over come the hardest hurdle, going out for the first time. Scary wasn't it. but in a relatively short period of time you will laugh at yourself for being so scared.

I never went through the "break-in period". I put on 4 inch heels and it took around a minute to find my balance and off I went. I agree with Steve to stay out of the park at night. Big cities have many more problems not found in Iowa. The other reason is encountering a crack in the path with stilettos. harder to see in the dark. Also walking around a park facing traffic might lead to different type of problems. Also when at home walk around outside so you can get use to different types of surfaces.

Edited by Cali

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Well done @Kjones92!!  Am sure you enjoyed the outing, despite the discomfort and anxiety. 

Keep it up, and don't forget to show us the footwear of choice! 

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Kjones92,

Thanks for posting on your outing and you saw it was no big deal. I wouldn't be confused by differing opinions, say between Steve63130 and mlroseplant, as to approaching how to develop confidence when wearing heels. We all have differing methodologies in some way to get there but we do get there. The common denominator is the belief in yourself. You have conviction and determination to do something and see that it happens and others will take note of that. The conviction that heels are part of your identity, that you are doing nothing wrong, and that you are moving about the world freely and essentially saying "here I am and I will stand and be counted on my terms. When you do something often enough it becomes second nature and you may actually forget you have heels on. This means it will have become a natural part of the background. Indeed, many members here have related stories of being seen so frequently in heels that when they don't wear them friends, acquaintances, and salespeople are surprised. They get used to seeing you in heels and the confidence you display doing so. Confidence is the fuel which drives successful people all over the world. Whether they are entrepreneurs, elected leaders, administrators, surgeons, or recently retired people like me. You gather information, get input if you need it from trusted sources, and formulate a plan. Then you take the steps to see it through. Many people are more creative than they think but lack the confidence to see it develop. It is said we humans, on average, have about 30,000 days on planet Earth to live, thrive, and survive. What will you do with yours?????

I believe you have answered part of that for us. You are to be commended for coming forth. Live life as if this week were your last. Treat the powerful no differently than you would someone not so powerful and leave a trail of smiles in your wake. Take nothing for granted. Take those heels on the journey. :fine:  HappyinHeels  

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1 hour ago, HappyinHeels said:

Kjones92,

Thanks for posting on your outing and you saw it was no big deal. I wouldn't be confused by differing opinions, say between Steve63130 and mlroseplant, as to approaching how to develop confidence when wearing heels. We all have differing methodologies in some way to get there but we do get there. The common denominator is the belief in yourself. You have conviction and determination to do something and see that it happens and others will take note of that. The conviction that heels are part of your identity, that you are doing nothing wrong, and that you are moving about the world freely and essentially saying "here I am and I will stand and be counted on my terms. When you do something often enough it becomes second nature and you may actually forget you have heels on. This means it will have become a natural part of the background. Indeed, many members here have related stories of being seen so frequently in heels that when they don't wear them friends, acquaintances, and salespeople are surprised. They get used to seeing you in heels and the confidence you display doing so. Confidence is the fuel which drives successful people all over the world. Whether they are entrepreneurs, elected leaders, administrators, surgeons, or recently retired people like me. You gather information, get input if you need it from trusted sources, and formulate a plan. Then you take the steps to see it through. Many people are more creative than they think but lack the confidence to see it develop. It is said we humans, on average, have about 30,000 days on planet Earth to live, thrive, and survive. What will you do with yours?????

I believe you have answered part of that for us. You are to be commended for coming forth. Live life as if this week were your last. Treat the powerful no differently than you would someone not so powerful and leave a trail of smiles in your wake. Take nothing for granted. Take those heels on the journey. :fine:  HappyinHeels  

Wow, now there's a motivational talk if there's ever been one - seriously!! Take out heels, and put in anything else, and its a perfect fit!

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I believe when any one of us is able to inspire another to enjoy their life more than before we have fulfilled not only our mission as a forum website but also our fundamental obligation as human beings. That is to simply care for one another. This is not the exclusive domain of the those who say they care more rather it is the collective conscience caring for the neighbourhood no matter how far flung it may be. It is inherently in our best interest to inspire and encourage others so our species can continue thriving.

As for motivation I can only say I have drawn on the strength of my experiences and certain people along the way to master small but important skills.

I am not college-educated though many are surprised at the revelation. I have run no large company, started no business, have not invented anything, have not been elected to any major office and have not made splash on the world in any famous way. Yet, I am successful.

I have been successful at marriage whilst many around me are not. I have, with the solid foundation that is my wife, been successful at child-rearing. A daughter is a registered nurse and a son is an engineer. I have been successful at investing. When I left the US Navy at the end of 1985 I had a net worth of about $6000. I saved and invested and saved some more over the next 31 years by buying older cars with cash and driving four of the five over 200,000 miles, taking a bag lunch, brewing my own coffee, doing my own yardwork, my taxes, and removing my own snow. I retired at the age of 57 last year and had a net worth of $975,000 at the end of 2018. No inheritance, no gifts, no cozy relationships on which to ride someone else's coattails. I listened to good advice along the way and especially listened to anyone older than I. Listened to what they did wrong but honed my ear to what they did right. I have a monthly pension for the rest of my life and a decent amount of savings for travel, projects, and incidentals as well as a supplemental retirement account which continues to grow. I have my 2 acres with my house, our 40 acres in northern Wisconsin, one acre near Flagstaff, AZ, a 250-acre tract on my dad's family farm in Quebec and have NO debt anymore. I do not need creditors or their system anymore because I am my own system. When one renders the credit system irrelevant it is a source of power and confidence. I seem to have a nearly inexhaustible source of internal energy which is where my confidence comes from. Why not use it to enhance the lives of those around me???

Once you get to the point of self sufficiency you realise one day that banks and lending institutions have to compete for your business instead of you groveling for theirs. I believe so many more people could be successful at solving life's financial challenges if only they'll do without for a while and avoid the mistakes others are making. So much of the poverty which plagues young people here in the USA is because of poor life choices. Buying new cars they don't need, buying a house three times the size of their needs, buying too much crap online, smoking and "going out" and hanging out with others who do the same. Sure, you can hear and see motivational talks out there but it always comes at a price. I give my advice free of charge. It's the best kind really.  Just one story of one average person who kept his eyes open and ear to the ground. Anyone can do it. Everyone should. HappyinHeels:fine:

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In all fairness, all aspects of society tell people to buy stuff. Consume, buy, get a degree and a house, with all the debts that entails, be a good drone. The system is rigged against us. And once you know that, then you can finally try to make it work to your advantage. But most people still believe the lies. And of course lies are comfortable. But enough alu tinfoil hat soapbox standing.

 

As for the OP, I agree with others. Its good that you took the plunge, that takes courage. But parks at nights is bad, m'kay? The last thing you want is to run into a bunch of muslim young men, because to them guy in heels = gay. And they might do more to you then just call you bad names. No joy of wearing heels is worth getting beaten up over it.

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A little cautionary note here: they wouldn't have to be muslims to beat up a guy in heels just for the hell of it - just thugs. Religion has nothing to do with it. One can find thuggery and intolerance right across the spectrum of humanity.  The same as one can find kindness and acceptance. And happily one is far more likely to find goodness in my experience, and, to repeat, find it right across the spectrum of race and creed.

Edited by Shyheels
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I respectfully disagree. Religion has everything to do with this, thanks to countries like Saudi Arabia, the same people who brought us the wars in Yemen, Syria and the dismemberment of Kashogi, thanks to them mosques all over the Western world are feeding hatred of gays to the average Muslim rank and file. A lot of opposition to the LGBT community native in the West also comes from religious groups, the Nashville accords ring a bell, but not on the same scale as in the Islamic community. Gays are being murdered for being gay in basically all Muslim countries. I've spent a lot of time with Muslim young people as part of my previous job at a youth center, I've been to the Middle East several times and plan to go there many times still. I like traveling there and enjoy Arab and Persian culture. But I am not blind to their cultural failings, just like our culture has them. And the one thing I have learned is that even though you can have a Muslim who sounds and appears like a open minded westerner, eventually the cultural differences will come through. I once courted a Muslim girl and I thought she was both moderate and open minded. And then she asked what would I do if I had a son who was gay. Well, as long as he's happy I would love and accept him no matter who he decides to bring home, I said. Let's just say that that was not what she wanted to hear. What that taught me was that no matter how liberal your Muslim friend might appear, be willing to eat pork and drink alcohol, that in no way guarantees that they don't still hate gays. 

 

Tl:dr: Yeah, there will be thugs of Western descent who still have caveman attitudes, or who like to beat up people for shits and giggles, when given the choice between two approaching groups of young men, one Western, one Muslim, I'll take my chances with the Westerners. Not because they are better and Muslims are inferior, but in this regard they do suffer from greater homophobia. And guys in heels = gay to most people. That being said, the best course is to avoid getting into this position and avoid parks at night altogether. Because unless you find a late night party with lots of light, music and smiling happy people, you generally don't want to hang with people who congregate in parks late at night.

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Welcome Kjones! 

Like others have said, there is no "one size fits all" method for building up heeling confidence and abilities.

The only thing I can add is don't rush it, which is tough I know.  We all just want to jump into 5" stilettos and hit the streets....It is important that you wear heels publicly that you can walk confidently in.  Stumbling, or being excessively nervous will draw negative attention, and be quite a set back for you.  Wearing some nice block heeled boots or lower heels makes it much easier to get started, and "blend in" publicly.  For me, I know I am on the right track when out publicly and almost forget I'm wear 5" boots.  We tend to be our own worst enemies, convinced the whole world is watching and judging us, most won't even notice.  People will notice if we are fumbling about, or appear nervous/uneasy.  I won't comment on heeling at night, or in the park, except to encourage you to be safe and be aware of your surroundings.   You are so right about heeling in public, so much tougher than at home for many reasons.  Be careful where you walk, avoid slippery surfaces.  Once you are a bit more confident, you can wonder into a store in your heels during less busy times. 

We are here to encourage, and support you buddy.  It is like everyone says, confidence is key, but confidence takes some time, so don't rush it too much!

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Posted (edited)

This might be a long post, so bare with me. It's more than a year since my failed attempt at public heeling. 

I'm also a big fan of ballet flats and since Sunday night I've done 5 outings( one going to work and one on the way back home) using the 3 different pairs across 3 days. Until my outing today, the previous 4 have been an emotional  rollercoaster to varying degrees.

I dont know what came over me on sunday night before preparing for work, but I put my flats on and put my trainers in my work bag. I wore the flats on the bus to work, which was mostly empty. Were I was positioned however, they were visible to anyone who got on the bus, although hardly anyone noticed. This has been the case on the other journeys, and when walking in public. However I've noticed an increasing number of people noticing to some degree including  double takes at my feet. At some pont during my journeys i started wanting to be noticed, lol. I remember  a blonde girl who came to sit near me slightly facing my direction in the morning one time  were my shoes were already obvious. I remember a security guy at residential area look at my face then down at my feet just before I reached  home as he got out of his car. These moments felt significant, as if I was given permission to do what I was doing,and I have cared less and less since. Up until this point my head was rushing , I was high on adrenaline and dopamine, haha.

Today I wore my most daring shoes yet, a red pair of ted baker flats, which on full display as with the previous 2 pairs. I need to purchase some groceries so I wore them to the local supermarket  which was fairly busy. For some reason I had a sence of calm much better than previous days, but I was still a bit nervous as I made no effort to disguise I'm a guy. I wear a half face respirator, but i think strangers can still tell I'm a guy, as has been acknowledged a few times.

I do own just many heels as flats though, including ballet heels and 6 inch pleasers,  platforms, wedges e t.c. but need to practice for public, and only wear at home. 

I can't work from home during the pandemic i work nights so there are hardly any people are around unlike the daytime, plus I wear PPE everytime I leave the house now. That said I'm taking time off from next week as the Covid19 situation worsens here in London and UK. So outings will be for when I need to go to buy something. Uni has been cancelled so that opportunity has gone too.

I wont be posting about my outings in flats since this is a heels site, but if choose to continue with this path in generally, flats are my starting point, and I want to start wearing my 3.5 inch block heels at some point. 

In summary my goal Is to wear heels (and womens shoes in general) in public on a regular basis,skirts, leggings .and painted toes, e.t.c.But presenting as a guy, not fully crossdressing. However I intend to keep wearing guys clothes and shoes too, I just want fashion freedom If anything.Although the excitement I felt the past few days makes me want to only want wear womens shoes almost all the time.

 I'm still going through inner conflict with this behaviour and thinking of stopping sometimes, none else knows if this. I don't know if I can stop now, and get rid of the desired. I come from an African background and this behaviour would not be tolerated. I'm  screwed,  This is a can of worms  that shouldn't have been opened. But sometimes I really want to stop. But feels too good and exciting.

I now understand what the public heelers here talk about regarding the early stages and how it gets easier exponentially. I cant wait to get out again tomorrow night when I go to work. But I must say the daylight outings are much more fun and liked it how the shoes were on display for anyone to see, but was still nervous.

NO MORE WALKING AT NIGHT TIME IN DARK PARKS.

But health is  the priority right now,  so I will have limited outings or almost none, for a while to come as  the case for everyone. 

Apologies for the long post but I had to get this of my chest, and I'm back down to earth now. I will post some pics later. Stay safe. 

20200401_200206_compress81.jpg

20200401_200411_compress82.jpg

Edited by Kjones92
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10 hours ago, Kjones92 said:

This might be a long post, so bare with me. It's more than a year since my failed attempt at public heeling. 

I'm also a big fan of ballet flats and since Sunday night I've done 5 outings( one going to work and one on the way back home) using the 3 different pairs across 3 days. Until my outing today, the previous 4 have been an emotional  rollercoaster to varying degrees.

I dont know what came over me on sunday night before preparing for work, but I put my flats on and put my trainers in my work bag. I wore the flats on the bus to work, which was mostly empty. Were I was positioned however, they were visible to anyone who got on the bus, although hardly anyone noticed. This has been the case on the other journeys, and when walking in public. However I've noticed an increasing number of people noticing to some degree including  double takes at my feet. At some pont during my journeys i started wanting to be noticed, lol. I remember  a blonde girl who came to sit near me slightly facing my direction in the morning one time  were my shoes were already obvious. I remember a security guy at residential area look at my face then down at my feet just before I reached  home as he got out of his car. These moments felt significant, as if I was given permission to do what I was doing,and I have cared less and less since. Up until this point my head was rushing , I was high on adrenaline and dopamine, haha.

Today I wore my most daring shoes yet, a red pair of ted baker flats, which on full display as with the previous 2 pairs. I need to purchase some groceries so I wore them to the local supermarket  which was fairly busy. For some reason I had a sence of calm much better than previous days, but I was still a bit nervous as I made no effort to disguise I'm a guy. I wear a half face respirator, but i think strangers can still tell I'm a guy, as has been acknowledged a few times.

I do own just many heels as flats though, including ballet heels and 6 inch pleasers,  platforms, wedges e t.c. but need to practice for public, and only wear at home. 

I can't work from home during the pandemic i work nights so there are hardly any people are around unlike the daytime, plus I wear PPE everytime I leave the house now. That said I'm taking time off from next week as the Covid19 situation worsens here in London and UK. So outings will be for when I need to go to buy something. Uni has been cancelled so that opportunity has gone too.

I wont be posting about my outings in flats since this is a heels site, but if choose to continue with this path in generally, flats are my starting point, and I want to start wearing my 3.5 inch block heels at some point. 

In summary my goal Is to wear heels (and womens shoes in general) in public on a regular basis,skirts, leggings .and painted toes, e.t.c.But presenting as a guy, not fully crossdressing. However I intend to keep wearing guys clothes and shoes too, I just want fashion freedom If anything.Although the excitement I felt the past few days makes me want to only want wear womens shoes almost all the time.

 I'm still going through inner conflict with this behaviour and thinking of stopping sometimes, none else knows if this. I don't know if I can stop now, and get rid of the desired. I come from an African background and this behaviour would not be tolerated. I'm  screwed,  This is a can of worms  that shouldn't have been opened. But sometimes I really want to stop. But feels too good and exciting.

I now understand what the public heelers here talk about regarding the early stages and how it gets easier exponentially. I cant wait to get out again tomorrow night when I go to work. But I must say the daylight outings are much more fun and liked it how the shoes were on display for anyone to see, but was still nervous.

NO MORE WALKING AT NIGHT TIME IN DARK PARKS.

But health is  the priority right now,  so I will have limited outings or almost none, for a while to come as  the case for everyone. 

Apologies for the long post but I had to get this of my chest, and I'm back down to earth now. I will post some pics later. Stay safe. 

 

20200401_200206_compress81.jpg

20200401_200411_compress82.jpg

That’s fantastic news that you’re enjoying your shoe wearing in public now and brilliant that you’ve now found the confidence to do so, don’t worry about any nerves at this stage, it’s really quite natural and you’ll find it gets easier with every trip, i think at some point we all have that feeling of doing something wrong, i still do on occasions but as soon as I pull on a pair of boots and get out there I realise my love for these things and there’s nothing wrong with it at all.

please keep posting on here, this forum doesn’t have to all about heels and from your pictures those shoes are certainly feminine enough to qualify for here, i too like to wear flats aswell as heels although I’m mainly in boots, i just think there’s so much variety in women’s shoes that you can’t help but keep exploring them and those shoes look really good on your feet, it’s a shame this current situation is so restrictive but keep safe and we will enjoy our trips out again soon.

hope to hear from you again on here soon mate 

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On 4/1/2020 at 2:56 PM, Kjones92 said:

In summary my goal Is to wear heels (and womens shoes in general) in public on a regular basis,skirts, leggings .and painted toes, e.t.c.But presenting as a guy, not fully crossdressing. However I intend to keep wearing guys clothes and shoes too, I just want fashion freedom If anything.Although the excitement I felt the past few days makes me want to only want wear womens shoes almost all the time.

 I'm still going through inner conflict with this behaviour and thinking of stopping sometimes, none else knows if this. I don't know if I can stop now, and get rid of the desired. I come from an African background and this behaviour would not be tolerated. I'm  screwed,  This is a can of worms  that shouldn't have been opened. But sometimes I really want to stop. But feels too good and exciting.

This is a tough problem, but you're not alone. I've also been struggling with this for the past 20 years, at least. Some good days/weeks/months, some bad ones. If I have to chart my progress, then initially it was curiosity, and some amateurish outings, explorations, discussions with my wife. Although this never ever ever went away, I suppressed it for years, hiding things, and not discussing it with my wife. Resentment built, both towards myself, my desires, both in myself and my wife around this topic. About two-three years ago, as I matured I guess, I started exploring these desires more and more. I started going to parks, whenever possible. Started slowly opening up to my wife about this, and although she doesn't understand, and doesn't want to see me in them, as a "theoretical discussion" she's OK. "Out of sight, out of mind" for her, but at least I can open up to her. I've started buying proper jeans, slowly going to coffee shops, a few random mall visits, some grocery store visits, and over the process have become more comfortable with myself. The shoes, and the overall look, is starting to lose some of the weirdness, and at least to me, looks acceptable. I keep telling myself, if women can wear whatever, so can I, gender equality and all that. If someone ever does ask about my heels (and so far noone has), my response will be: "I support gender equality, and am walking the walk, not just talking the talk". Most recently I've started exploring skirts, and that's a lot of fun and cause of more confusion.

Now, this all might sound great, but I have regular ups and downs. Just a few days ago I had a major down, has happened multiple times recently, where I'm just not sure why I'm battling this, thinking something is majorly wrong with me, why can't I be "normal" (whatever that is), life would be so much easier if this didn't exist in me, I want to apologize to my wife for putting her through this... But the desire to dress as I wish is just in me. It's not going away. It's been too long for it to be just a simple obsession. I want to dress the way I want to dress, while still looking male. I have no ability or desire to present as a female, I like my stubble and how my body looks like, I do not wish to change that.

I noticed a lot of the same sentiment in your description of what you're going through. It does get easier, and more "normal" (at least to youself). Keep it up, and keep posting. Vent your frustrations here.

One thing I did notice was a change not to look at this as something weird, but as pushing my own boundaries and comfort levels. Trying to push myself out of my comfort zone. Whenever you do that (for whatever reason) you get more resilient and stronger. I view each outing as a personal challenge, just like spiders or public speaking, you're afraid of it, until you do it over and over and your phobia slowly disappears. Yes, each outing is hard, but that only makes me stronger.

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I share 99% ( the 1% is about the wish of wearing skirts) of what you wrote @hiddenheels

I have the same up and down and has followed the same evolution 

Just one thing: If the situation doesn’t give me the opportunity to wear heels,I imagine stopping could be possible. On the other end the more I wear them,the more natural it is.Then the confidence reaches such  a level that I don’t understand why it could be a problem for anyone.But i prefer  to keep my heel passion secret. Life has sadly teaches me not to rely on anyone. 

Pierre 

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Posted (edited)
On 4/1/2020 at 10:56 PM, Kjones92 said:

This might be a long post, so bare with me. It's more than a year since my failed attempt at public heeling. 

I'm also a big fan of ballet flats and since Sunday night I've done 5 outings( one going to work and one on the way back home) using the 3 different pairs across 3 days. Until my outing today, the previous 4 have been an emotional  rollercoaster to varying degrees.

I dont know what came over me on sunday night before preparing for work, but I put my flats on and put my trainers in my work bag. I wore the flats on the bus to work, which was mostly empty. Were I was positioned however, they were visible to anyone who got on the bus, although hardly anyone noticed. This has been the case on the other journeys, and when walking in public. However I've noticed an increasing number of people noticing to some degree including  double takes at my feet. At some pont during my journeys i started wanting to be noticed, lol. I remember  a blonde girl who came to sit near me slightly facing my direction in the morning one time  were my shoes were already obvious. I remember a security guy at residential area look at my face then down at my feet just before I reached  home as he got out of his car. These moments felt significant, as if I was given permission to do what I was doing,and I have cared less and less since. Up until this point my head was rushing , I was high on adrenaline and dopamine, haha.

Today I wore my most daring shoes yet, a red pair of ted baker flats, which on full display as with the previous 2 pairs. I need to purchase some groceries so I wore them to the local supermarket  which was fairly busy. For some reason I had a sence of calm much better than previous days, but I was still a bit nervous as I made no effort to disguise I'm a guy. I wear a half face respirator, but i think strangers can still tell I'm a guy, as has been acknowledged a few times.

I do own just many heels as flats though, including ballet heels and 6 inch pleasers,  platforms, wedges e t.c. but need to practice for public, and only wear at home. 

I can't work from home during the pandemic i work nights so there are hardly any people are around unlike the daytime, plus I wear PPE everytime I leave the house now. That said I'm taking time off from next week as the Covid19 situation worsens here in London and UK. So outings will be for when I need to go to buy something. Uni has been cancelled so that opportunity has gone too.

I wont be posting about my outings in flats since this is a heels site, but if choose to continue with this path in generally, flats are my starting point, and I want to start wearing my 3.5 inch block heels at some point. 

In summary my goal Is to wear heels (and womens shoes in general) in public on a regular basis,skirts, leggings .and painted toes, e.t.c.But presenting as a guy, not fully crossdressing. However I intend to keep wearing guys clothes and shoes too, I just want fashion freedom If anything.Although the excitement I felt the past few days makes me want to only want wear womens shoes almost all the time.

 I'm still going through inner conflict with this behaviour and thinking of stopping sometimes, none else knows if this. I don't know if I can stop now, and get rid of the desired. I come from an African background and this behaviour would not be tolerated. I'm  screwed,  This is a can of worms  that shouldn't have been opened. But sometimes I really want to stop. But feels too good and exciting.

I now understand what the public heelers here talk about regarding the early stages and how it gets easier exponentially. I cant wait to get out again tomorrow night when I go to work. But I must say the daylight outings are much more fun and liked it how the shoes were on display for anyone to see, but was still nervous.

NO MORE WALKING AT NIGHT TIME IN DARK PARKS.

But health is  the priority right now,  so I will have limited outings or almost none, for a while to come as  the case for everyone. 

Apologies for the long post but I had to get this of my chest, and I'm back down to earth now. I will post some pics later. Stay safe. 

 

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I know how it is as of African heritage myself. It can be a can of worms initially, but to be honest people have had to adapt to different gender norms, styles of dress etc., and younger generations will more than likely shrug a shoulder than run you out of town. 

In this crazy time of Coronavirus and social distancing, there will be few observers, save for any overzealous cops telling people to stay indoors. A casual denim skirt is great for a starter, and if bold enough, the formal office skirts like these are great for work, teamed with booties. A block heel helps with balance. Team it with a guy's shirt. Ebay is great for clothes and heels as well, seeing as most shops are closed  ;)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by SkirtDude
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I have gone thru the desire to the doing.  I had always wanted to adapt certain clothing sold to women to my use. In the mid 2000's I started to buy women's turtlenecks because I wasn't happy with what was be sold to men.  I have since also purchase sleeveless turtlenecks and have TOO many now. But I do wear them constantly thru the winter.  Have purchase a men's since.  In 2007-8 I found out that women's size 10 shoes fit better than any men's shoes ever did when I went to buy some men's water shoes and they were out of what i thought was my men's size, a us men's size 9.5. The size 11 was too big but I tried the women's size 10 and was perfect.  Later that fall I saw booties come into the marketplace and I remembered a 2.5 inch shooties I had in the 80-90's so I took a gamble and  bought a Material Girl (Macy's brand) booties with a 1.5 inch heel and studs. It took a while to get comfortable wearing them and colleagues notice.  I was now taller. Then I got 2.5 inch booties.  I remember one of my University students told me, "Damn Dr. --, you wear some fly shoes."  I just smiled and set "thank you." 

The big switch for me came in 2015 when I discovered the benefits I got from 4 inch heels.  Now its almost all I wear everywhere.  While I don't dress as a woman or project as a women, I still wear mostly clothes sold to women. It fit better and looks better on me.  Lately I have transitioned to skinny (shaping) jeans and leggings. The funny thing is I have had several men ask where they can get a jacket like mine, they want their own. I don't tell them the women's department (yet).

It does take time. 

It does get easier the more you do it.

You will always have ups and downs, but the downs get smaller over time.

 

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Posted (edited)

Wow....  HinH that was nice write up on self sufficiency.  Was more than a year ago, I missed it.  You must have read the Stanley and Danko book, The Millionaire Next Door.  An excellent read for ALL ages, especially for someone jut starting out.  I read it when I was in my mid 20's and never looked back.  I made it a point over the years to give the book the my kids and their friends, hoping they too read it - my kids did.     

You can be self sufficient, at least in the United States (can't speak to other countries but I would assume similar results),  and it's not that hard....  Smile.....   sf

The-Millionaire-Next-Door-book-review.thumb.jpg.f00946447ee4ff1a532af6af62e1bcd4.jpg

Edited by SF

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OP,

Typical skirt styles I've worn with a less prominent heel. People were more concerned about the top half, since then, I wear guys shirts and tops. I won't list the insults thrown at me initially, but am now seen as part of the furniture. Where abouts in London are you? Some parts are easier than others ;)

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Posted (edited)
On 4/4/2020 at 10:51 PM, SkirtDude said:

OP,

Typical skirt styles I've worn with a less prominent heel. People were more concerned about the top half, since then, I wear guys shirts and tops. I won't list the insults thrown at me initially, but am now seen as part of the furniture. Where abouts in London are you? Some parts are easier than others ;)

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Thanks.

Currently living in Tottenham near the new stadium. Tbh I'm finding the hardest part is leaving the house and bumping into one of my neighbours during the day.

But once in public I'm calm. Night, late evening or early morning is somewhat easy when going and coming from work. I now intend to wear womens shoes (starting with ballet flats and sandals) more and more often until it becomes my regular footwear (Apart from when working or when with friends/family).  I'm not ready for skirts yet  maybe in  late summer or the fall, before that womens jeans with preaty sandals (Ted Baker London) with painted toes for the summer and openly wearing low to medium heels is the next goal. So I guess the adrenaline and heart pounding will continue for a while, after my initial success.

Although I'm straight, I  was thinking Soho as it will be more accepting and Camden area initially, but since the city is in lockdown these wont really be an option for sometime, so just sticking to my local area and when going/coming from work as they are the only feasible/safe options. 

What are some your recommendations in terms of places and how long have you been wearing skirts and heels in public?

Edited by Kjones92
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Posted (edited)
18 hours ago, Kjones92 said:

Thanks.

Currently living in Tottenham near the new stadium. Tbh I'm finding the hardest part is leaving the house and bumping into one of my neighbours during the day.

But once in public I'm calm. Night, late evening or early morning is somewhat easy when going and coming from work. I now intend to wear womens shoes (starting with ballet flats and sandals) more and more often until it becomes my regular footwear (Apart from when working or when with friends/family).  I'm not ready for skirts yet  maybe in  late summer or the fall, before that womens jeans with preaty sandals (Ted Baker London) with painted toes for the summer and openly wearing low to medium heels is the next goal. So I guess the adrenaline and heart pounding will continue for a while, after my initial success.

Although I'm straight, I  was thinking Soho as it will be more accepting and Camden area initially, but since the city is in lockdown these wont really be an option for sometime, so just sticking to my local area and when going/coming from work as they are the only feasible/safe options. 

What are some your recommendations in terms of places and how long have you been wearing skirts and heels in public?

 

Quite a while ;)

Edited by SkirtDude

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On 4/5/2020 at 11:17 PM, Kjones92 said:

Thanks.

Currently living in Tottenham near the new stadium. Tbh I'm finding the hardest part is leaving the house and bumping into one of my neighbours during the day.

But once in public I'm calm. Night, late evening or early morning is somewhat easy when going and coming from work. I now intend to wear womens shoes (starting with ballet flats and sandals) more and more often until it becomes my regular footwear (Apart from when working or when with friends/family).  I'm not ready for skirts yet  maybe in  late summer or the fall, before that womens jeans with preaty sandals (Ted Baker London) with painted toes for the summer and openly wearing low to medium heels is the next goal. So I guess the adrenaline and heart pounding will continue for a while, after my initial success.

Although I'm straight, I  was thinking Soho as it will be more accepting and Camden area initially, but since the city is in lockdown these wont really be an option for sometime, so just sticking to my local area and when going/coming from work as they are the only feasible/safe options. 

What are some your recommendations in terms of places and how long have you been wearing skirts and heels in public?

Sorry for the late reply. Problem with uploading pictures...  I am not far from you, near the high road too. Lockdown means hardly anyone about, but don't want hassle from cops as it may look like an unnecessary trip outside. Been wearing for 6 years, though I do still mix it up with regular guys clothes too. Sometimes it's a hassle to coordinate skirts, tights, underwear, shoes, find a decent bag etc... all the accessories are time consuming, lol... it's sometimes easier to just blend in with everyone else. As for areas like Camden, can be dicey. Soho as well. I find going outside London much better, shopping for heels whilst in a skirt is better as well. Have you been venturing out much recently?

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Posted (edited)
On 4/8/2020 at 1:46 PM, SkirtDude said:

Sorry for the late reply. Problem with uploading pictures...  I am not far from you, near the high road too. Lockdown means hardly anyone about, but don't want hassle from cops as it may look like an unnecessary trip outside. Been wearing for 6 years, though I do still mix it up with regular guys clothes too. Sometimes it's a hassle to coordinate skirts, tights, underwear, shoes, find a decent bag etc... all the accessories are time consuming, lol... it's sometimes easier to just blend in with everyone else. As for areas like Camden, can be dicey. Soho as well. I find going outside London much better, shopping for heels whilst in a skirt is better as well. Have you been venturing out much recently?

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Yes i have been venturing outside in ballet flats for 8 out of the 12 days since my debut. I were a 3M 6200 half face respirator instead of a mask in public, which partially disguises or covers my face, but most people notice im a guy anyway and i dont hide it, haha.

Ive noticed people look down, double takes  and stares from people.For example  Including when i got on the bus with several black or african people.  But i suppose the respirator does attract some looks though. I have worn several  other pairs not shown in the original pics. Today i wore a  bright pink pair of Ted Baker flats to Tesco, nothing much happened really and no heart pounding just calmness mostly. 

These expiriences motivate me to master and wear my heels/wedges in public along with the accessories you mentioned hopefully soon and dress how i want in public. I dont hide my flats, and wont be hiding the heels either. Im planning debuting my 3.5 inch block heels within the next week, when i visit the supermarket at some point. The shoes are open toe mules, so considering doing a pedicure for the outing, with skinny jeans.

I have a treadmill at home which doesnt get used much, so will using it to practice my heeling for the longer term.  So 4 inches in public is my target within the next month or so.

Edited by Kjones92
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Posted (edited)
19 hours ago, Kjones92 said:

Yes i have been venturing outside in ballet flats for 8 out of the 12 days since my debut. I were a 3M 6200 half face respirator instead of a mask in public, which partially disguises or covers my face, but most people notice im a guy anyway and i dont hide it, haha.

Ive noticed people look down, double takes  and stares from people.For example  Including when i got on the bus with several black or african people.  But i suppose the respirator does attract some looks though. I have worn several  other pairs not shown in the original pics. Today i wore a  bright pink pair of Ted Baker flats to Tesco, nothing much happened really and no heart pounding just calmness mostly. 

These expiriences motivate me to master and wear my heels/wedges in public along with the accessories you mentioned hopefully soon and dress how i want in public. I dont hide my flats, and wont be hiding the heels either. Im planning debuting my 3.5 inch block heels within the next week, when i visit the supermarket at some point. The shoes are open toe mules, so considering doing a pedicure for the outing, with skinny jeans.

I have a treadmill at home which doesnt get used much, so will using it to practice my heeling for the longer term.  So 4 inches in public is my target within the next month or so.

I'm glad you are getting out and about. The flats will get zero attention, I have even found my 22 inch pencil skirt gets very few looks as well. In this hot weather, the breeze is quite delightful, lol. To the big supermarket by the stadium today, plenty of black folk, I've heard all the insults, and sometimes it's just in our head as we fear hostility. People have no time for the clothes or heels you wear, they are looking forward to when all this lockdown stuff is over. After a while, you won't notice double takes.

Today: polo shirt, Principles penstripe pencil skirt, 22" with 5 inch slit at rear, black hold ups, ballet flats. Sometimes I pose for the kids trying to take my photo. They feel embarrassed and run off :biggrin:

I have a couple of skirts in a 10 (34-36 mens) if you would like them. Denim is the easiest to go out in first of all :flowers:

Other areas you could try is Lea Valley Park by the Marshes. Nice weather, open space it's part of my "exercise" now and then. A couple of benches to sit on when your feet start to ache in pumps, or you need to re adjust your tights or stockings discreetly ;) ebay is a good site for clothing if you don't fancy charity shops (majority closed now). It's never supposed to replace  mens wear,  just a nice addition to the mostly drab :) there are plenty of guys who have such a wardrobe... just look at Balletboot, CAT and JeffB for starters :)

 

Perfect day for a walk! Sat on the bus in a mini kilt, stockings and booties. Heading to the Marshes for my daily exercise. Some double takes, my card didn't work on the reader when I got on the bus, but after trying a different one, walked to the back of the bus, so all eyes on me.

How are you spending your Lockdown weekend, KJones? :) 

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Edited by SkirtDude

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Posted (edited)
On 4/10/2020 at 5:45 PM, SkirtDude said:

I'm glad you are getting out and about. The flats will get zero attention, I have even found my 22 inch pencil skirt gets very few looks as well. In this hot weather, the breeze is quite delightful, lol. To the big supermarket by the stadium today, plenty of black folk, I've heard all the insults, and sometimes it's just in our head as we fear hostility. People have no time for the clothes or heels you wear, they are looking forward to when all this lockdown stuff is over. After a while, you won't notice double takes.

Today: polo shirt, Principles penstripe pencil skirt, 22" with 5 inch slit at rear, black hold ups, ballet flats. Sometimes I pose for the kids trying to take my photo. They feel embarrassed and run off :biggrin:

I have a couple of skirts in a 10 (34-36 mens) if you would like them. Denim is the easiest to go out in first of all :flowers:

Other areas you could try is Lea Valley Park by the Marshes. Nice weather, open space it's part of my "exercise" now and then. A couple of benches to sit on when your feet start to ache in pumps, or you need to re adjust your tights or stockings discreetly ;) ebay is a good site for clothing if you don't fancy charity shops (majority closed now). It's never supposed to replace  mens wear,  just a nice addition to the mostly drab :) there are plenty of guys who have such a wardrobe... just look at Balletboot, CAT and JeffB for starters :)

 

Perfect day for a walk! Sat on the bus in a mini kilt, stockings and booties. Heading to the Marshes for my daily exercise. Some double takes, my card didn't work on the reader when I got on the bus, but after trying a different one, walked to the back of the bus, so all eyes on me.

How are you spending your Lockdown weekend, KJones? :)

92676029_522324401764624_5972591287944215680_n.jpg

Im staying in mostly to do my Uni work. Part of  me wants to get noticed when i get on the bus or out about in public, but still working towards being comfortable in public and still self conscious. I went to tesco, in my pink flats, but this time it was the big store and in daylight(morning), i was a little nervous but the intence feelings from my early days are generally gone. Daytime outing in flats now and now im off work the rest of the month, so i only intend to wear women's shoes.

I know people here say you should wear heels and dress how you want for you, and i agree. But when ive noticed people notice or look, the attention was neccesary in telling my subconscious mind there is nothing to fear and im being granted permission. Thus, I can and will continue to push the boundaries a little with each outing.

On Monday i plan to do some heeling and skinny jeans in the evening, then daylight very soon. At this rate i will be in skirts sooner than i expected, im trying to take my time but, this is very addictive, and ive seen members say their confidence grew rapidly. 

So at this point i feel its neccesary to reflect on why im doing this tbh, for my own sanity.

Edited by Kjones92

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Kjones, glad you are slowly pushing the envelope! Most times I am in knee-length skirts (I prefer straight ones with a slit at the back, but are fitted) as I find them the most comfortable. It all started with jeans or denim ones, but I didn't like the "stonewashed" look to them or the seam down the middle. So went for a more smarter variant instead ;) I had considered kilts, but these are so expensive, I could buy several skirts for the price of even one cheap kilt! My most expensive skirt was £50, but I am diversifying to shift dresses now. These are worn with heels, to keep on topic... pencil skirts are easier when you need the loo as they stay up and out of the way until you're done, lol.

I reflected on why I like dressing the way I do, but sometimes there are no clear answers. I got tired of thinking how I could have dressed but didn't due to cultural expectations or society. It's better to seek foregiveness than permission, lol... There's decent skirts at Sainsbury's / Tu when you are next at the big store. If you don't fancy that, then ebay will have all you need for around a fiver upwards. Tights can be found in any convenience store, the higher the denier, the thicker and darker they will be. I wear hold ups for better airflow in summer, and it's easier when nature calls. Heels and pumps cry out for skirts and tights too!

Don't worry about looks, a scared or anxious vibe will attract more attention than what is around your hips or on your feet. Do an experiment: go to Tesco or any shop in regular guy clothes and see how many people look at you. Repeat again in heels / skirted etc. You will find some will look anyway, but the majority just don't care. It's mostly our own conditioning telling us it's wrong and to conform.

Below is a typical smart look that's tried and tested. :)

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