This might be a long post, so bare with me. It's more than a year since my failed attempt at public heeling.
I'm also a big fan of ballet flats and since Sunday night I've done 5 outings( one going to work and one on the way back home) using the 3 different pairs across 3 days. Until my outing today, the previous 4 have been an emotional rollercoaster to varying degrees.
I dont know what came over me on sunday night before preparing for work, but I put my flats on and put my trainers in my work bag. I wore the flats on the bus to work, which was mostly empty. Were I was positioned however, they were visible to anyone who got on the bus, although hardly anyone noticed. This has been the case on the other journeys, and when walking in public. However I've noticed an increasing number of people noticing to some degree including double takes at my feet. At some pont during my journeys i started wanting to be noticed, lol. I remember a blonde girl who came to sit near me slightly facing my direction in the morning one time were my shoes were already obvious. I remember a security guy at residential area look at my face then down at my feet just before I reached home as he got out of his car. These moments felt significant, as if I was given permission to do what I was doing,and I have cared less and less since. Up until this point my head was rushing , I was high on adrenaline and dopamine, haha.
Today I wore my most daring shoes yet, a red pair of ted baker flats, which on full display as with the previous 2 pairs. I need to purchase some groceries so I wore them to the local supermarket which was fairly busy. For some reason I had a sence of calm much better than previous days, but I was still a bit nervous as I made no effort to disguise I'm a guy. I wear a half face respirator, but i think strangers can still tell I'm a guy, as has been acknowledged a few times.
I do own just many heels as flats though, including ballet heels and 6 inch pleasers, platforms, wedges e t.c. but need to practice for public, and only wear at home.
I can't work from home during the pandemic i work nights so there are hardly any people are around unlike the daytime, plus I wear PPE everytime I leave the house now. That said I'm taking time off from next week as the Covid19 situation worsens here in London and UK. So outings will be for when I need to go to buy something. Uni has been cancelled so that opportunity has gone too.
I wont be posting about my outings in flats since this is a heels site, but if choose to continue with this path in generally, flats are my starting point, and I want to start wearing my 3.5 inch block heels at some point.
In summary my goal Is to wear heels (and womens shoes in general) in public on a regular basis,skirts, leggings .and painted toes, e.t.c.But presenting as a guy, not fully crossdressing. However I intend to keep wearing guys clothes and shoes too, I just want fashion freedom If anything.Although the excitement I felt the past few days makes me want to only want wear womens shoes almost all the time.
I'm still going through inner conflict with this behaviour and thinking of stopping sometimes, none else knows if this. I don't know if I can stop now, and get rid of the desired. I come from an African background and this behaviour would not be tolerated. I'm screwed, This is a can of worms that shouldn't have been opened. But sometimes I really want to stop. But feels too good and exciting.
I now understand what the public heelers here talk about regarding the early stages and how it gets easier exponentially. I cant wait to get out again tomorrow night when I go to work. But I must say the daylight outings are much more fun and liked it how the shoes were on display for anyone to see, but was still nervous.
NO MORE WALKING AT NIGHT TIME IN DARK PARKS.
But health is the priority right now, so I will have limited outings or almost none, for a while to come as the case for everyone.
Apologies for the long post but I had to get this of my chest, and I'm back down to earth now. I will post some pics later. Stay safe.