My first public heel adventure

[Pierre1961]

These boots look very " normal" ..That means your wife don't accept men in heels at all.So,yes ,a serious conversation is needed.Maybe more than one  I would be surprised that she would change her mind within a few minutes  

i am sorry not to have followed your heeling stories better: does she  knew about your heel passion? 

Is it the first time you tried to wear heels with her? 

 

[CAT]

Well that blows. Sorry you are having that issue,,,,,, well not you but she is havring the issue.  I hope you can reason with her so she can accept your heels.  Maybe you can have some conversations about it and even show her this website.  My GF of 7 years accepts me for who i am and she do everything together. I am very fortunate.  I wish you the best and don’t give up,,,,, but be very careful.  It also could be very damaging to your relationship 

CAT

[balletboot]

2 hours ago, Pierre1961 said:

These boots look very " normal" ..That means your wife don't accept men in heels at all.So,yes ,a serious conversation is needed.Maybe more than one  I would be surprised that she would change her mind within a few minutes  

i am sorry not to have followed your heeling stories better: does she  knew about your heel passion? 

Is it the first time you tried to wear heels with her? 

 

She knows about my heels she knows I wear then. ( probly unaware if worn them in public, definitely doesn't know about my skinny Jean's or skirts.)Usually i just get a roll of the eyes when i wear them around the house. she has been tolerable about it all. But this was the first time she really spoke her mind. Before last night it never seemed like a big deal to her so I thought things were going well. 

I know it wont be fixed in one day but hopefully it can be fixed in the future.

8 minutes ago, CAT said:

Well that blows. Sorry you are having that issue,,,,,, well not you but she is havring the issue.  I hope you can reason with her so she can accept your heels.  Maybe you can have some conversations about it and even show her this website.  My GF of 7 years accepts me for who i am and she do everything together. I am very fortunate.  I wish you the best and don’t give up,,,,, but be very careful.  It also could be very damaging to your relationship 

CAT

Ive thought about showing her this site. But I'm still undecided. I also thought she had accepted the fact that I have a passion for heels but I guess that was just a front she was putting up. Careful is the key word now as I dont want to ruin the relationship over shoes... this is the first person in my life that's I've ever actually seen a future with and I am not trying to mess that up.

On 2/28/2019 at 1:51 PM, projectz said:

@balletboot love those brown boots, may I ask where they are from??

They are from Nordstrom and are made by tory Burch 

[Pierre1961]

Showing her the site could be a way to tell her you are not the only straight guy  who loves heels 

But she will for sure also find some others with skirts and more. Then she will undoubtedly think you are just at the first step of your coming  out. Dangerous ! 

Keep all skinny jeans,skirts and any more or less feminine clothes well hidden. 

You are right: carefulness  is the key word now and time as well 

[balletboot]

18 minutes ago, Pierre1961 said:

Showing her the site could be a way to tell her you are not the only straight guy  who loves heels 

But she will for sure also find some others with skirts and more. Then she will undoubtedly think you are just at the first step of your coming  out. Dangerous ! 

Keep all skinny jeans,skirts and any more or less feminine clothes well hidden. 

You are right: carefulness  is the key word now and time as well 

Yea I agree at the moment I dont think she will see the site as a bunch of other straight guys who wear heels. I think she will see it as exactly the opposite :/ 

and most definitely all other feminine clothes are very well hidden. 

thanks for any help and support. Its greatly appreciated!

[maninboots]

13 hours ago, balletboot said:

Well tonight was a disaster. 

My girlfriend and I were supposed to go out to dinner. So we were getting ready and as I watched her pick out her outfit and then pick out her heels to match it I thought. I want to wear heels tonight instead of my boring mens sneakers.. I found a nice shirt and grabbed the pants and the heels in the picture below. Got dressed and thought to myself. This looks good I can't wait to go out to dinner!

 

I came out of the room and she lost it. Started crying saying she hates that I have heels and hates that I want to wear them. Men dont wear heels. We talked a little but she wouldn't listen to me she has some image in her head and I can't get it out of her to really know what's going on. I offered to change into my regular sneakers with no luck.  In the end we didn't even leave the house...

I guess my healing is now put way out on the back burner :/ 

Hopefully tomorrow we can have a real conversation once she has calmed down a little.

Those boots and jeans look fantastic and that styling is right up my street too.

   While my wife is accepting of my heels and boots wearing, she point blank refuses to accompany me outside anywhere whilst wearing them, so to be fair i don’t even go there now, she has no objection to me going out in them on my own, so whenever we’re going out together i only ever wear my flat boots where you can’t really tell what I’m wearing. 

I know it’s frustrating and there’s nothing I’d like more than to go out with her in heels, i keep hoping one day it might happen but I’m afraid that day seems a long way off at the moment, i feel for you but don’t do anything you might regret in terms of your relationship mate 

[AZShoeNut]

1 hour ago, maninboots said:

I know it’s frustrating and there’s nothing I’d like more than to go out with her in heels, i keep hoping one day it might happen but I’m afraid that day seems a long way off at the moment, i feel for you but don’t do anything you might regret in terms of your relationship mate 

Boy I hear you on that.  With the exception of Walk a Mile events my wife too refuses to go out with me in heels, with the exception of a handful of evenings where we were both having drinks prior to going out.

I too have wondered just how long I will have to wait if ever for my wife to be okay with going out with me in heels.  I am chewing on the fact that I turn 44 this month and am not the healthiest person in the world, we've been married for 13 years,, and the last 25 years went by in a flash.  I would like to still be able to move about without a walker by the time she comes around, if ever.

Maninboots, it is a dicey, tricky road.  This may be the best relationship you have ever had and I understand that you don't want to lose a relationship over "stupid" shoes.  I would also point out that your interest in heels will not go away, likely ever.  That interest when suppressed can easily turn into resentment and put together some serious bumps down the road in the relationship.  At least that has been my experience.

Furthermore, limiting your experience by telling her that it is not frequently that you wear heels or the like can limit you from growing into whatever it is that you want to be/experience on the inside.  When I met my wife and told her about my heels I couldn't possibly see into the future that one day I might want to wear them out.  I told her that I had no plans to do so.  But I also at the time was just coming to terms with my passion for heels.  As I grew to accept myself my genuine inner interest took me further and further outside the house and my wife is quick to point out that I told her in the beginning that I had no desire to step outside the home in heels.  And though, by and large, our relationship is pretty decent and we have made it through some serious challenges, 13 years later, even with the help of a counselor, the shoes are still an un-surmounted challenge.

Okay, I think that is it.

Best wishes as you work through this.

Larry

[Cali]

I feel sad for those who are not “allowed” to wear your heels out with your SO.  As @AZShoeNut  puts it

1 hour ago, AZShoeNut said:

your interest in heels will not go away,

And this is true also. 

1 hour ago, AZShoeNut said:

That interest when suppressed can easily turn into resentment and put together some serious bumps down the road in the relationship.  At least that has been my experience.

There are many issues involved here: insecurity, jealousy, the fear of not be cookie cutter normal, ...

If you have been wearing heels all this time why should her knowing about it change things. The only difference is she knows about it.

This issue is particular important to me. 

I switched to wearing women’s shoes about the same time I was breaking up with my wife.  The break up had nothing to do with my shoes. I started to wear high heels a few years later when I found the benefit (pain relief) I got from them. So I wear high heels about 70-80% of the time, and I plan to for the rest of my life.

I am presently looking for a girlfriend AND I have decided that I am going to up front with wearing heels. My dating profile includes the lines

“I often wear 4+ inch heels (wedges, booties, ...) for … pain relief”

and

“I'm looking for a woman that has enough confidence in who she is that this isn't an issue or somehow feels threaten by it.”

I know this really limits who I meet, but then again I don't waste my time with a woman with a narrow mind about who can and cannot wear heels.

 

[MackyHeels]

2 hours ago, Cali said:

I feel sad for those who are not “allowed” to wear your heels out with your SO.  As @AZShoeNut  puts it

And this is true also. 

There are many issues involved here: insecurity, jealousy, the fear of not be cookie cutter normal, ...

If you have been wearing heels all this time why should her knowing about it change things. The only difference is she knows about it.

This issue is particular important to me. 

I switched to wearing women’s shoes about the same time I was breaking up with my wife.  The break up had nothing to do with my shoes. I started to wear high heels a few years later when I found the benefit (pain relief) I got from them. So I wear high heels about 70-80% of the time, and I plan to for the rest of my life.

I am presently looking for a girlfriend AND I have decided that I am going to up front with wearing heels. My dating profile includes the lines

“I often wear 4+ inch heels (wedges, booties, ...) for … pain relief”

and

“I'm looking for a woman that has enough confidence in who she is that this isn't an issue or somehow feels threaten by it.”

I know this really limits who I meet, but then again I don't waste my time with a woman with a narrow mind about who can and cannot wear heels.

 

Think your not the only one searching? 

Found one married woman being honest telling about her male preferences when dating.

She had point system if you like can try to gauge yourself upon her rating system.

One she loved males with long hair as most woman no balding men 3 points

Comfortable with his appearance in public basically what your wearing no matter how controversial you do it with confidence 2 points.

Intelligence 2 points, which puts me out of luck Lol..

Overall body 1 point just don't be fat but fit.

Nice smile 1 point be fun to be around, not idiot like me being downer for everyone to read my lamentations.

Lastly just have something woman really sexually desire  and want you know what i mean so does she. 1 point.

If your 7 or higher woman begin to pursue you not need to look thy will find you. 5 or 6 she will accept advances,  3 or 4 could be just friends might get frisky now and again,  1 or 2 no interest. 

 

 

[Rick24]

balletboot it won't be easy but. you will have to admit it that you both are just not compatible with each other. continue with the relationship and it will deteriorate in the future. some women like your girlfriend are sadly  insecure/territorial/ with an inferiority complex towards men in heels. at 24 I ditched having girlfriends and getting married because wearing heels made me more happy and nothing else did. there are things about marriage and girlfriends that put me off it. I'm 31 and made the right choice because it's 2019 and some women sadly still have these dated views. I wear heels and in the end I can't just live in other people's expectations and make them happy every minute. it's 2019 and we don't have to do that anymore. balletboot it would be best if you make yourself single again yes it will be tough at first but from what I have viewed. there's a puzzle piece missing from your confidence and that is meeting women when wearing your true style. in your mind you think women will run a mile if they see it. but read back from the forum and you will see more positives than negatives. look at eddie izzard and the amount of female fans he has got. they know he is a straight guy but they find him attractive especially in female style. having one bad relationship is not the end of the world. some guys here have had one bad one but found a great woman in the end. don't stay with a woman with silly social norms because they act like spoilt brats who cry if they don't get there own way. many women like confident men and i'm sure you have had a few women flirt with you when they seen you wearing heels in public. i'm glad that I have no woman in my life because it makes me selfish but they are even more selfish than I am because I can't stand there hypocrisy because of what we want to wear.

[balletboot]

6 minutes ago, Rick24 said:

balletboot it won't be easy but. you will have to admit it that you both are just not compatible with each other. continue with the relationship and it will deteriorate in the future. some women like your girlfriend are sadly  insecure/territorial/ with an inferiority complex towards men in heels. at 24 I ditched having girlfriends and getting married because wearing heels made me more happy and nothing else did. there are things about marriage and girlfriends that put me off it. I'm 31 and made the right choice because it's 2019 and some women sadly still have these dated views. I wear heels and in the end I can't just live in other people's expectations and make them happy every minute. it's 2019 and we don't have to do that anymore. balletboot it would be best if you make yourself single again yes it will be tough at first but from what I have viewed. there's a puzzle piece missing from your confidence and that is meeting women when wearing your true style. in your mind you think women will run a mile if they see it. but read back from the forum and you will see more positives than negatives. look at eddie izzard and the amount of female fans he has got. they know he is a straight guy but they find him attractive especially in female style. having one bad relationship is not the end of the world. some guys here have had one bad one but found a great woman in the end. don't stay with a woman with silly social norms because they act like spoilt brats who cry if they don't get there own way. many women like confident men and i'm sure you have had a few women flirt with you when they seen you wearing heels in public. i'm glad that I have no woman in my life because it makes me selfish but they are even more selfish than I am because I can't stand there hypocrisy because of what we want to wear.

I dont agree with any of that. If that's what you want more power to you. But I myself what to try and make this work. Yes I love heels but I certainly love the woman I am seeing more than heels. I know my love for heels isnt going anywhere but I'm willing to work on this and try to make it blossom into something great instead of just running away so I can wear heels everyday.

[Cali]

1 hour ago, balletboot said:

I dont agree with any of that. If that's what you want more power to you. But I myself what to try and make this work. Yes I love heels but I certainly love the woman I am seeing more than heels. I know my love for heels isnt going anywhere but I'm willing to work on this and try to make it blossom into something great instead of just running away so I can wear heels everyday.

Then show her you are no different with or without heels. That heels do not define the person. You just like life 3 inches higher.

For me, I wear heels all the time, so I wont start a relationship with a woman without her being on board with me in heels (and with my nails). She needs to love me for who I am just as I need to love her for who she is.

[p1ng74]

3 hours ago, balletboot said:

I dont agree with any of that. If that's what you want more power to you. But I myself what to try and make this work. Yes I love heels but I certainly love the woman I am seeing more than heels. I know my love for heels isnt going anywhere but I'm willing to work on this and try to make it blossom into something great instead of just running away so I can wear heels everyday.

Maybe you can work out a compromise to start and see where it goes.  The heels in your picture look to be at least 3.5”, which is fairly normal for me and HHP but we have to admit is pretty unusual in the broader world.  How does she feel about a 2.5” cuban heel, which is relatively common in men’s fashion?  I am only suggesting this because I am living a similar compromise right now with my wife, who is opposed to the feminine look of thin heels but has no problem with my 3” underslung heels.  

[maninboots]

11 hours ago, balletboot said:

I dont agree with any of that. If that's what you want more power to you. But I myself what to try and make this work. Yes I love heels but I certainly love the woman I am seeing more than heels. I know my love for heels isnt going anywhere but I'm willing to work on this and try to make it blossom into something great instead of just running away so I can wear heels everyday.

I think you’re approaching this with a sensible head, I’ve been married over 30 years now, i still wear heels regularly enough to enjoy them but as i said not with her, flat knee high boots under trousers are not a problem and on odd occasions I’ve pushed the boundaries very slightly and got away with it, she accepts me wearing heels on full show around the house and even outside when I’m alone, she knows she’ll never stop me wearing them so now she doesn’t try while at the same time i respect her thoughts on this matter, she actually respects me greatly for what i do and thinks it takes a lot of guts to walk round in public as a man wearing heels and long boots on full show, but can’t bring herself to come with me, a compromise can be found that suits both of you and you can still enjoy your heels as i do, you’ll just have to accept you’ll have to do it in your own time. At home we sometimes wear heels together and have a bit of fun, we’re both the same size so we can swap shoes and boots lol and this helps with her understanding of my passion, we also look at heels and boots in shops together but for me there’s no trying on in shops together, that’s only done alone.

Good luck and keep enjoying your heels but be careful not to throw away something very special mate 

[mlroseplant]

I tend to shy away from discussions like this, but in this case I feel compelled to reply.

First of all, let me tell you Brother.  .  . I feel for you. My wife also hates my heel wearing, but for whatever reason she tolerates me, and tolerates me quite extensively, with some well defined, carved-out exceptions. I honestly cannot tell you the reasons why our significant others object to our fashion choices, but I will hazard a guess that it is really a hangup with the idea of being different. I guess I don't really know what to tell you, other than to keep talking if you can. I hope she realizes that you're the most normal guy, only 3-4 inches taller outside the house.

What p1ng74 says makes a great deal of sense. In fact, that's kind of how I started out, and my wife got used to me in slightly elevated heels and had very little problem with it. The difference between you and me, and I believe also p1ng74, is that we evolved after we were married, and a little bit at a time. It wasn't like one day we came out of the bedroom wearing five inch Louboutins and tight skirts and said to our wives, "What do you think of me now?" I saw your pictures of your short skirts and your pointy-toed stiletto pumps and thought, "How can his girlfriend suddenly object to some pretty tame block heeled boots with pretty ordinary pants?" Then I read back a few pages and realized, "Oh.  .  . his girlfriend don't know about that shit, does she?" And therein, you have a problem. The true "you" is kind of far away, at least in fashion sense, from the "you" that you have presented to her. I realize I am not telling you anything that you don't already know. I'm just putting it right out here in print for open discussion.

I apologize if I come off as being anything but sympathetic, because I am, in fact, very sympathetic with your plight. I think that nearly all of us on this forum who are seriously attached to another person have been through, or live this every day to one degree or another. Carry on, Brother, and try to make the best of it. Now is not the time for rash action. I wish I had better advice, but the only advice I can really think of is that Logic has nothing to do with any of this. You can't Logic your way out of this. Well, why could you? Heels in and of themselves are illogical, but we love them anyway. Just treat her extra kind while you two are experiencing this change together. Who knows what good things might happen?

[Rockpup]

18 hours ago, balletboot said:

I dont agree with any of that. If that's what you want more power to you. But I myself what to try and make this work. Yes I love heels but I certainly love the woman I am seeing more than heels. I know my love for heels isnt going anywhere but I'm willing to work on this and try to make it blossom into something great instead of just running away so I can wear heels everyday.

Focus on her for a while. We will be here

[balletboot]

On 3/2/2019 at 7:07 PM, Cali said:

Then show her you are no different with or without heels. That heels do not define the person. You just like life 3 inches higher.

Yea I dont act any different when I'm in heels I'm still the same person I am without them. (As I'm sure most people on here are the same way)

On 3/2/2019 at 8:24 PM, p1ng74 said:

Maybe you can work out a compromise to start and see where it goes.  The heels in your picture look to be at least 3.5”, which is fairly normal for me and HHP but we have to admit is pretty unusual in the broader world.  How does she feel about a 2.5” cuban heel, which is relatively common in men’s fashion?  I am only suggesting this because I am living a similar compromise right now with my wife, who is opposed to the feminine look of thin heels but has no problem with my 3” underslung heels.  

Those particular heels are about 4.25" but i dont think the height has much to do with the problem. I will definitely figure that out for sure in the near future.

16 hours ago, maninboots said:

Good luck and keep enjoying your heels but be careful not to throw away something very special mate 

Thanks I will definitely try to find the balance between the two.. I dont want to give up either one

13 hours ago, mlroseplant said:

 

First of all, let me tell you Brother.  .  . I feel for you. My wife also hates my heel wearing, but for whatever reason she tolerates me, and tolerates me quite extensively, with some well defined, carved-out exceptions. I honestly cannot tell you the reasons why our significant others object to our fashion choices, but I will hazard a guess that it is really a hangup with the idea of being different. I guess I don't really know what to tell you, other than to keep talking if you can. I hope she realizes that you're the most normal guy, only 3-4 inches taller outside the house.

What p1ng74 says makes a great deal of sense. In fact, that's kind of how I started out, and my wife got used to me in slightly elevated heels and had very little problem with it. The difference between you and me, and I believe also p1ng74, is that we evolved after we were married, and a little bit at a time. It wasn't like one day we came out of the bedroom wearing five inch Louboutins and tight skirts and said to our wives, "What do you think of me now?" I saw your pictures of your short skirts and your pointy-toed stiletto pumps and thought, "How can his girlfriend suddenly object to some pretty tame block heeled boots with pretty ordinary pants?" Then I read back a few pages and realized, "Oh.  .  . his girlfriend don't know about that shit, does she?" And therein, you have a problem. The true "you" is kind of far away, at least in fashion sense, from the "you" that you have presented to her. I realize I am not telling you anything that you don't already know. I'm just putting it right out here in print for open discussion.

 

Yea of course I dont see the ordeal like she does. I'm definitely trying to understand it all from her side. And your right she doesn't know about the clothes but she knows about all my heels and I've worn them all around the house when shes home. She has known that I have heels shortly after we started dating. That I have never hidden. All my shoes are in plain view in the closet next to all (probly 40-50 pairs) of her heels. I can do without the skinny Jean's and skirts. I enjoy them but they are more just accessories to the heels. I can give up the slightly fem attire I have. But I know the desire for heels isnt going amywhere.

9 hours ago, Rockpup said:

Focus on her for a while. We will be here

That's the plan.

 

Thank you all for your opinion and words of wisdom. Its is greatly appreciated!

[Pierre1961]

Some thoughts : 

It took me several years before I was sure that my heel passion had nothing weird but jut something unusual 

Some more years before I was bold enough to wear them publicly. And even at present only block heels if visible. 

Never any other outfits that could be considered as feminine. At home,yes,sometimes for matching the heels. But more in the quest of trying new matches 

So it could take some times for your wife to follow the same track and reach the point she is ok with your heel wearing 

Probably she personally  is ok with your heels but she knows that other people you could meet would think you are a weirdo and she feels uncomfortable with it. 

So heels at home or you alone outside seems to be an acceptable goal you could reach 

[balletboot]

I agree that is a good goal to reach. It's been 10 years since I bought my first heels. it wasnt untill a little over a year ago that I actually wore them out. Then it didn't take long to build up my confidence. I've only known my girlfriend for 2 years and we have been dating for the majority of that,  so you are probly right it will take her a significant amount of time to get used to it.

[Pierre1961]

And could she feel bad ,walking on your side if you ,wearing  3/4" heels are much taller than her ?

[Gudulitooo]

Perhaps it is not only between you and her.

How many friendships or relationships will she have to abandon / recreate when her friends or relations see you both in heels ?

[balletboot]

1 hour ago, Pierre1961 said:

And could she feel bad ,walking on your side if you ,wearing  3/4" heels are much taller than her ?

I am taller than her. But she is always in heels that are also in the 3-4" range. So us both in heels it's like looking her when we are both barefoot.

 

1 hour ago, Gudulitooo said:

Perhaps it is not only between you and her.

How many friendships or relationships will she have to abandon / recreate when her friends or relations see you both in heels ?

I feel like our group of friends is very open to just about everything including a couple of openly gay people (both male and female) and it seems pretty much anything and everything comes up in conversation and no one bats an eye. Of course heels hasnt come up in conversation or I would have had my chance 

[Shyheels]

You could always try brining heels up in the conversation - not necessarily about you, but in general, and see how that stick floated. 

[balletboot]

4 minutes ago, Shyheels said:

You could always try brining heels up in the conversation - not necessarily about you, but in general, and see how that stick floated. 

I've thought about it but I havnt done it yet..

[Shyheels]

It would be very low risk. 

[Gudulitooo]

2 hours ago, balletboot said:

I feel like our group of friends is very open to just about everything including a couple of openly gay people (both male and female) and it seems pretty much anything and everything comes up in conversation and no one bats an eye. Of course heels hasnt come up in conversation or I would have had my chance 

This is great.

On my side not so much. 1) my wife doesn't know, 2) my wife doesn't really understand why some other mums don't want to befriend her, thus 3) I suspect I may have been spotted wearing heels by them, even if I do not do it in my town. Or maybe I overthink things.

[dagino]

If you want to wear higher heels you have to give more love to your wife.

[Shyheels]

13 minutes ago, Gudulitooo said:

This is great.

On my side not so much. 1) my wife doesn't know, 2) my wife doesn't really understand why some other mums don't want to befriend her, thus 3) I suspect I may have been spotted wearing heels by them, even if I do not do it in my town. Or maybe I overthink things.

Without knowing all the details, and just going on those three points above I'd say you're overthinking things. 

[Gudulitooo]

Just now, Shyheels said:

Without knowing all the details, and just going on those three points above I'd say you're overthinking things.  

thanks

[balletboot]

1 hour ago, dagino said:

If you want to wear higher heels you have to give more love to your wife.

She gets absolutely everything I have to give and it's been that way since day one. I just think I pushed it to far to fast. At least that's what I'm hoping right now.