Any Advice on Telling my Girlfriend?

[bambam]

I'm sure I just haven't found the correct pages that have already dealt with this topic, but I have decided to tell my girlfriend about my high heel collection today or tomorrow. I feel bad keeping it from her, especially since I seem to care so much about it. She sent me a picture yesterday of a new pair of stiletto boots she had just purchased, and it kind of hit a nerve in me. She's only a few inches shorter than me, and I'm sure it's been nice for her to only wear low heels for the past couple months, but it seems she wants to wear the high ones as well, which I totally understand of course. Any help, because I don't want to lose her, but my heel collection doesn't seem to be going anywhere...

[KneeBooted]

It sounds like she already may have a thing for heels, so I suspect it may go better than you think.

I just told my then g/f, now wife, that it was something I enjoyed and that I didn't think it was a phase. She was very understanding, and has even gotten into wearing more heels and boots herself. She even helps me pick out pairs for me to buy.

I would tell her first, and then she will either ask to see, or you can ask to show her.

[maninpumps]

The only info I can share is how I told my girlfriend and my wife of almost 20 years . 

I waited until I was serious about getting married . When there was 110% certainty I was ready to spend the rest of my life with her , I told her before we proceeded any further in our relationship I needed to share something with her , after I did , she just wanted to see all my high heels and see me walk in them . We spent the better part of the evening going through my heels and me doing a shoe show for her . The only thing she said , I need more heels ! We went shopping and I bought her many pair and a ring . She has lots of shoes and a purse collection Vera Bradly would be proud of .  The best advice I could give you : Be honest and don't be afraid . People may just surprise you . Good luck and let us know how it goes . 

[CAT]

Be very careful and move slowly. Life is short and you don't want to look back and say I should have done this or that.   Not all women are accepting of what we like to do. My girlfriend is accepting of the  heels and clothes.  We shop with and for each other. Others on this site have some spouses that are accepting.  My ex was and is not.   I hope it goes well for you 

CAT

[Rick24]

tell the true yes. but. if she is against it. then don't marry someone that has very little in personality wise. tell her that you and other heel wearing men are just ordinary people who wear heels. out of personal choice. its a choice of are style in what we wear on are feet. and your heels are a part of who you are. take that away. then you are not the same person that she met. BamBam. I will never marry or have a relationship because my heels make me happy and they are a part of me. the reason why I do this is because we live in a very selfish world. and there is nothing wrong in looking out for number one me. because that's how tough are world is. what would your girlfriend think of me for saying that. would she say that I am selfish and I should appease other people's ways. you should only feel bad about not telling her when you first met her. but you have nothing else to be ashamed about it. a fashion choice is a fashion choice. tell her that men who wear heels are just normal people who work in places like construction sites or a factory. and many are married and we do not want to be women or dress like them.

[bambam]

My concern is, she was already concerned about my orientation (I've experimented before), and although I am straight for the most part, she may just take this as evidence of homosexuality. And I'll get angry, and explain how unfair it is that Sexual orientation is so closely related to my choice of footwear. I know she grew up in this world, and I can't help that, but I just can't seem to understand how she would be wearing what she pleases, and I can't. 

[pebblesf]

Well buddy, I agree with you on both counts.  Your love of heels is not going away, in spite of your best efforts to squash it.  And, the truth is the only answer, and the sooner it is revealed in a relationship, the better.  The variables here are just how you reveal things to her.  I guess I would probably not just "drop it on her", by saying something like I like to wear heels and have a collection of them already.  You care about this girl, and need to give her a chance to digest your revelation slowly.  From what you have revealed, I'm thinking she is feeling a bit insecure about the relationship, and that is understandable.  Put yourself in her shoes, you might feel a bit insecure as well. 

I guess I would start by openly admiring her new boots, and showing interest in them, to see how she reacts.  I'm guessing her feet are much smaller than yours, so you can't ask to try them on.  Tell her how much you love the way she looks in boots, perhaps ask her to wear them to bed, if that is something you would enjoy.  Take her shoe/heel shopping, showing interest in her choices, again letting her know how much you love the way she looks in heels/boots.  In other words, make sure she knows she is a big part of the equation, not just the heels/boots.  I guess the next step might be letting her know you would like to try out some heels/boots and see how she reacts. 

In other words, your girl friend is going to need some time to digest all of this.  Please don't get mad at her, even though your upset about the heel/sexual orientation is warranted.  Again, put yourself in her shoes, so you can understand why she might be feeling insecure.  Unfortunately, I know there is the possibility that she will not be accepting in spite of your best efforts to ensure her that she is the true object of your affection.  And, if this is the case, then the relationship just isn't going to work out. 

Good luck buddy, please let us know how things progress...

Don

[Gudulitooo]

10 hours ago, bambam said:

She may just take this as evidence of homosexuality.

You mean she might think you may have greater chances of cheating on her because she will not - as a woman - be able to fulfill all your desires ?

 

[Rick24]

when you tell her the truth. you have to give her an ultimatum. accept you for who you are. or call it a day. its not healthy being in a relationship when your partner is trying to change there partner's personality. this has caused a lot of break up's in relationships and marriage. I suspect that she might be the jealous type. if a man has a bigger collection of heels and can walk so perfect in them. it make's her insecure. and a insecure woman makes the worse type of girlfriend ever.

[Rick24]

when you break the ice with her. tell her too have a very good look at this site. and she will be shocked to see that we are just normal people. and many are married and have children. and other's have girlfriends who support them. its 2017. and these things no longer matter in today's world. make her understand that telling such a personal thing. is outside of your comfort zone. and if she threw it back at you. then she has betrayed your trust in her. and that means you will have to end it with her. its not easy to tell such a personal thing like this but in the end. you need to know that if you two are made for each other.

[Bubba136]

On 1/24/2017 at 0:14 PM, maninpumps said:

The only info I can share is how I told my girlfriend and my wife of almost 20 years . 

I waited until I was serious about getting married . When there was 110% certainty I was ready to spend the rest of my life with her , I told her before we proceeded any further in our relationship I needed to share something with her , after I did , she just wanted to see all my high heels and see me walk in them . We spent the better part of the evening going through my heels and me doing a shoe show for her . The only thing she said , I need more heels ! We went shopping and I bought her many pair and a ring . She has lots of shoes and a purse collection Vera Bradly would be proud of .  The best advice I could give you : Be honest and don't be afraid . People may just surprise you . Good luck and let us know how it goes . 

This is the only way to go about telling a prospective mate about your wearing heels.  This way you give her a choice by being completely honest with her upfront and letting her make up her own mind as to if she can handle your situation.  I did it this way and although it took her more than three months to sort it out, were married when we were 19 and are now almost 61 (or, she would be if she were still alive.  She passed three years ago.)

[Steve63130]

If you focus on heels as the most important thing to you, she will probably walk away; why should she accept being second in importance? If you are casual about it, don't make a big deal of it, treat it as a fun hobby, and keep the focus on her, she will probably stick around and find you an interesting and confident companion. Women love confidence. It's sexy to them. If you wear your heels proudly, she'll get that message and (I hope) she can deal with it. If you are shy, embarrassed, or treat it like you're ashamed, she'll pick up on that, too, and probably drop you like a hot potato. So be confident, whatever you do. If the relationship was meant to be, great! If not, accept it and move on. There are lots of accepting women out there. Better to find out now than after you're married and have kids!

Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

Steve

[Thighbootguy]

@bambam - Learn to listen louder then you talk.

[HappyinHeels]

bambam,

You have a wealth of information here which, I hope, helps you. Look, it's a choice of footwear and NOT a declaration of sexual orientation or a girlfriend vs shoes priority contest. The idea someone could factually conclude sexual orientation from mere footwear choice is like branding a woman wearing pants or a baseball cap an instant lesbian. Does an especially high heel make one a  slut?  You see the nonsense in this?? Besides this anyone who loves unconditionally  should not then reveal their love is, in fact, with conditions. The only requirement is this; that the relationship is founded upon mutual respect with commitment to each other exclusive of any one else's influence. A person who can commit unconditionally to another makes a strong foundation upon which to grow and prosper. It is the keystone of a meaningful and honest society. If we, as humble beings, can't commit to such a simple yet fundamental relationship it becomes nearly impossible to govern or make progress as a  country. Quality of country and quality of life is determined by the quality of commitment we make at the most basic level.

Tell her succinctly and confidently. Perhaps tell her to go put on a higher pair of heels. Go to your room and get a pair of yours and then come and look at each other. This is one way. There are others. Just don't procrastinate and don't think your desire to wear heels will fade away because it will not.  Tell us how it goes.   HappyinHeels

[maninboots]

If it was me, the next time you go to meet her just wear a pair of heels, I'd only been seeing my girlfriend a couple of weeks and i just picked her up for a meal out wearing some black stiletto knee high boots, she did ask why I was wearing women's boots to which I replied I'm not, these are mine, i asked her if she liked them, and she said i didn't think i would but actually they look really nice, we've now been married 29 years and i still wear higher heels than her, if she loves you it won't matter what you wear 

[bambam]

So we ended up breaking up anyway, but for reasons that have nothing to do with my fashion choices. Private message me if you want any more details, suffice to say I am a little freer now..

[mlroseplant]

That's a bummer.  .  . sorry, man.

[wood&metal]

bambam..  After having been there-done that many times, my rule is if a perspective female didn't meet me while I was wearing heels, then I respectfully decline any future possibilities..

[pebblesf]

On ‎3‎/‎6‎/‎2017 at 9:51 PM, wood&metal said:

bambam..  After having been there-done that many times, my rule is if a perspective female didn't meet me while I was wearing heels, then I respectfully decline any future possibilities..

This seems like the best approach indeed!

[pebblesf]

Bambam

Sorry buddy, but it seemed like she was pretty insecure about the relationship anyway.  Wood and Metal offers sound advice, surely wish I had the support of this site and its members thirty years ago.  Trust me, I am not speaking from much experience, I am not very far along on the heeling confidence scale, and my relationship is messed up because I was not honest up front about my high heel boots.  So, I understand and appreciate your predicament and frustration. 

All I can say is be confident and proud of who you are, do everything you can to ignore self imposed fears of how you will be perceived in heels publicly.  As others have so wisely said, women love confidence.  Being timid or shy while wearing heels will not impress women, so start working on your confidence by taking small confidence building steps to ensure success in future relationships.

All the best, be proud and don't let this set back get you down....D

[LuvsStiletto]

I make it a point to disclose my heeling with a new or prospective girlfriend, as soon as possible, usually on the first or second date. If they take issue with my desires, as far as wearing heels is concerned, then it ends there...there are no further dates! I'm not willing to compromise, when it comes to my wearing heels. They either accept it, or they don't, and if they don't, then the relationship does not progress! Their loss! I've been lucky enough, to have many girlfriends who accept this part of who I am, including my current one, so for me, there is no reason to limit or compromise my heel wearing, based on what she will "allow". I am not interested in gaining permission from a woman I may be romantically interested in, so I can wear heels, be it in private or in public, or face other imposed "restrictions" by said romantic interest, such as only being able to wear certain styles or (lower) heel heights, etc. If she isn't 100 percent on board with my heel wearing, she's done, and I move on to the next gal who is. It's that simple! So to answer the question, I just tell them straight up about my proclivity for heels. No games, no stories, no sugar coating it, no "softening the blow", no anything, except, "oh, by the way, I enjoy wearing heels both in private and in public. Is this going to be an issue?" And that's it! They either say "yes", or "no", but I don't change my routine or my heel wearing preferences to gain favor with any woman. I've been in plenty of short, medium, and long term relationships with women who accept it, and I'm not about to deal with the ones who can't or won't accept it. I understand some guys are already married with kids or whatever, and need to think about how their heeling affects the established family unit and their status quo, however, that is exactly why I won't begin a relationship with someone who can't deal with my heeling. I deal with it up front, so I don't need to deal with the b.s. later!

Edited April 4, 2017 by LuvsStiletto

[Jkrenzer]

I went to this philosophy a few girlfriends prior to the one I eventually married and was 3 for 3 with no issues. Reality is men look good in heels just like the ladies and, I know this will get me in some trouble, but we have stronger and more muscular  legs and feet making higher heights easier for us to cope with for much longer in our lives. 

[LuvsStiletto]

I agree! finding a great gal who is cool with a guy's heeling, starts with knowing what one is willing to accept, or not accept, when it comes to a relationship. I found that being honest with myself about wearing heels, helped me find women who were more accepting. When you start compromising who you are or what you want out of a relationship, then you get exactly that... women who feel it's within their right, to tell you what you are "allowed" to wear! To me, that is just crazy! Can you imagine, if a guy were to tell the same woman, that she could not wear heels, or red lipstick, or a skirt, or whatever? She would be like, "just watch me!", and then, she would proceed to kick said guy to the curb! Why should a guy have to step back from his desires, especially when a woman would never put up with it, if the situation were reversed? I say, that if you are a guy who wants to wear heels, just do it, and tell your romantic interest what you do or want to do, and be up front about it as soon as possible. Life is much easier, when you start it off that way...