Are we addicted?

[jeremy1986]

Hiya all, 

Was going to post this under my longer personal thread as a thought I had, but figured it was worth its own post.

My wife recently started treatment for addictions. Its a long and painful story .... and I wont go into details right now. But its obviously brought on a lot of thinking. One of the thoughts I have had, is that maybe we also have some kind of addiction... to heels. Yes - it may not be destructive as drugs or alcohol... and its certainly not harmful in any way (other than the pocket sometimes...),  but can we say "no", when needed? 

Example: I have always loved heels, and had been borrowing my wife's heels for quite a few years (behind her back), till I decided to buy my first pair, and open up to her about it. My thinking was that having my own pair to use when I wanted, would alleviate my constant need to borrow my wifes and I would be able to control it more. I am sure you know the story - that pair of boots... was just the first one, with many more to come. At the beginning, I said to myself, I just need 1 pair of the few styles I like - 1 pair of boots, 1 sandal, 1 pump etc..., but y'all know it doesn't work like that. I am able to keep myself pretty much under control, but still find myself at around 20 pairs. I know folks here have many more than that.

So - what do you all think? Are we addicted? Is this healthy...? Do we need treatment?? 

[Cali]

To some here the act of buying and buying maybe addictive behavior. I started buying high heels over three years ago and have over 50 pairs, but I don't think I am addicted. I got to have a heel for every outfit.  

For me shoes never fitted so buying/wearing them was a chore. When I found in 2011 that I had women's shaped feet it all made sense and I started to purchase only women's shoes. And 4 inch heels in 2015.

I'm not addicted because I will only buy heels that fit perfectly, or duplicates of favorite shoes. Yes, I've learned the hard way that if you find something that you like get more before they are gone. But I can go into a store and try on a few pairs. If they are not perfect I have the will power to put them back in the box and not get them. Shopped six shoe stores last week; tried on 3 pairs of heels. Bought NONE.

Edited May 14, 2018 by Cali

[Shyheels]

In cycling the rule to establish the number of bicycles one needs is expressed as n+1

[Steve63130]

Yes, we're addicted, and it's wonderful! What a great hobby this is! Even my wife loves it. She doesn't wear heels any more, but she knows where I am all the time - not out drinking and carousing, not getting into trouble with drugs or dangerous people, and not harming myself in any way. I'm careful and responsible in how much I spend, and I'm much more selective in what I buy now, since closet space is limited. But my tastes have changed over time and with fashion changes, there are always new shoes to find attractive and old ones to discard. So, rather than worry on whether or not it's an addiction, I just admit that it is, but for me, it's mostly a hobby: I love to spend time shopping (mostly online), keeping up with the trends, chatting with friends online, emailing other friends, acquiring new shoes, and savoring that "eureka!" moment when I get something that looks and fits as well as I'd hoped! Alas, and sending the package back when it doesn't <sigh>. 

Steve

[Shyheels]

It is the passion shared by collectors or aficionados of anything and as middle aged crises go, far cheaper and less of a cliche than a red Ferrari. 

[Bubba136]

Not an addiction but a compulsion?

[SF]

But Steve....   A little bit of drinking and carousing is OK??  No??  Come on......   ha ha ha

sf

[MackyHeels]

Don't believe it's addiction owning something or hoarding unless it interferes with our daily lives. We indulge in a lot of activities because we want to not that we need to or forced to. When life is comfortable and we reach a higher class of living or have more time on our  hands, less important stuff often takes center stage, makes us sane or keeps our minds preoccupied. You can call it  a hobby or just preoccupation of an idea or fashion trend like shoes. 

Know very wealthy female who finds comfort exercising her rich husbands bank account to purchase designer clothing. She has spreadsheet noting her purchases only because her shopping habits may buy the same item twice without realizing it. Talk about luxury of choosing to buy anything your heart desires without worrying about having enough money. Sometimes shopping is like a primitive instinct humans have like hunting. We just skew it to feelings of want, rather needs as looking for food or we starve to death. 

Don't believe it's compulsion because we have free will choosing to buy heels rather needing to, in order we would not be able to walk without them.

If you have reason to purchase your addiction whatever that may entail, be heels, clothes, drugs, alcohol , gambling you need an end game. Meaning why are you doing what you are spending money, time, effort to what effect.  If the effect is feeling of happiness and your not hurting yourself or others then everything is fine. Once the happy feeling disappear or no longer there or are watered down then find something new to replace it. 

 

 

[Shyheels]

I think because men are not supposed to wear heels, we make a bigger deal of it than it really is or needs to be. It is simply taking a personal interest in footwear fashions - women do it all the time and, rightly, think nothing of it. Men seldom do and so, with a masculine interest in categorising things, come up with labels like that. 

[Logjam]

12 hours ago, Shyheels said:

In cycling the rule to establish the number of bicycles one needs is expressed as n+1

Same as for motorcycles!

Logjam

[Shyheels]

I can believe it. There is something alluring and compulsive about getting around on two wheels that brings that out.

[spikesmike]

Shyheels : Do you own a Red Farrari ?  I could own one if I didn't spend so much money on high heels. Am I an addict, OH hell yes. 

I spend hours every day on the computer looking for new and different styles of high heels--> boots or shoes. I have been this way

since I was a child. Be for computers. At the Dressing for Pleasure Galas In New York (years ago) I gave seminars on the subject. 

I justify my addiction by reading all I can find on The History of the high heel shoe.   Different times now.   spikesmike

[Pierre1961]

You don't have to  justify @spikesmike.you spend the money you want(you didn't robbed it ,did you?) Just be happy. 

You don't harm anyone. If people are jealous that just their own problem. 

Congratulations. 

Pierre 

[Shyheels]

 

5 hours ago, spikesmike said:

 

Shyheels : Do you own a Red Farrari ? 

 

I do not own a car at all. I own several bicycles though, all hand made, all of them bought for a love of cycling and the appreciation of a frame builders art rather than a mid life crisis.

[pebblesf]

An interesting question/topic for sure, one I have often questioned myself about.  I guess we would have to have a clear/concise definition of "addiction" before being able to answer. 

I "collect" high heel boots, vintage adidas sneaks, levis,  and old outboard motors.  Do I have more than I need or can use, absolutely.  So, to me, this indicates I am addicted to some degree.   But, I have not over spent that much, and surely always put basic needs/bills before luxury expenditures.  I usually buy thrift store items, or affordable used items online.  I can honestly say that I could probably walk through a few shoe stores and avoid purchasing.  I am quite fussy when it comes to boots, and prefer a few distinct styles.  Sure, I dream of owning some of the high end stuff I see online, but have been able to avoid spending hundreds/thousands on a pair of boots, so I guess there is still hope for me. 

I think some of my compulsion/addiction stems from not having much as a kid, so I "reward" myself with those things (in excess admittedly) now.  My brother and I always had "hand me down" worn out Evinrudes back in the day, so now I collect real nice examples of those engines.  My family could surely never afford Adidas sneaks, or levis, so I have many examples of the exact styles I longed for as a kid.  And needless to say, the parents were not going to buy high heel boots for me.  But, I do remember the boots my sister had, some of my teachers, and a few of my male/female school mates, those are the ones I look for now.

Sure wish there were psychologists who specialized in this stuff....

[Shyheels]

I would not describe that as addiction in any way shape or form. Think of an alcoholic or a junkie or a compulsive gambler who loses the house, family and goes to prison for embezzlement - now, that’s addiction. What you describe is lively interest, a collector’s passion, and perhaps compensating for things you missed out on earlier in life, but which still hold appeal. Totally natural.

Why would anyone need a psychologist just because they have a passion for collecting what are, in fact, everyday objects? And in this particular instance objects derived from a widely recognised and celebrated art form - fashion.  If that was the case, the curators of the V&A Museum should certainly be in care.

Edited May 14, 2018 by Shyheels

[Jkrenzer]

To the original question, absolutely. 

[jeremy1986]

Interesting answers here - thanks for weighing in guys. 
I think that the comment made above by @Shyheels might be correct - that its partly, the element of us wearing heels being "not allowed" that contributes to the feeling of wrong doing ... similarly to addiction. But I guess beyond those, it comes own to an individual's behavior. Can we say "no"?  how much time/money do we spent on this? how many pairs do we have? How many pairs do we feel we NEED (n+100...?)
and each of us will answer differently to each of these questions.

As I mentioned above, I DO feel I can easily say no... but when the right pair comes out at the right price in the right size... that will be harder. So then is it a hobby, or an addiction? Do I need it, or want it? 

 

[Shyheels]

Wearing heels is also a form of personal expression, not merely an indulgence. A woman who buys numerous heels, unless she is Imelda Marcos, is not considered an addict but merely fashionable.

Edited May 14, 2018 by Shyheels

[pebblesf]

13 hours ago, Shyheels said:

I would not describe that as addiction in any way shape or form. Think of an alcoholic or a junkie or a compulsive gambler who loses the house, family and goes to prison for embezzlement - now, that’s addiction. What you describe is lively interest, a collector’s passion, and perhaps compensating for things you missed out on earlier in life, but which still hold appeal. Totally natural.

Why would anyone need a psychologist just because they have a passion for collecting what are, in fact, everyday objects? And in this particular instance objects derived from a widely recognised and celebrated art form - fashion.  If that was the case, the curators of the V&A Museum should certainly be in care.

Well, other unresolved family issues are at the core of many of my issues I'm sure.  I have had therapy in the past, perhaps I just need a "tune up".  I'm sure the therapist would concur with you Shyheels, so thanks for the support!

[Shyheels]

I know lots about family issues...

[Histiletto]

To me it is more of an obsession that never seems to be completely satisfied. The fact that I was denied many opportunities in my youth to buy and wear high heels openly has contributed to my mind-set of getting all the high heels that do a little more than tickle my fancy. Once I'm allured to a pair that fits well, I tend to buy as many as I can before they are sold out. 

Edited May 21, 2018 by Histiletto

[Pierre1961]

Exactly the same for me. When I find a pair that fits me I am able to buy four  pairs .It is so difficult to have nice and confortable ones. 

[maninpumps]

I feel we are heel addicts . We are also at different levels of addiction . Same as a cyclist covets different frames as mentioned above or the Ferrari .  If you were to ask my brother the difference or even one of my sisters about my shoes all they would notice would be the color . We see more than just the shoe we see the whole picture of the shoe like the heel style the material or the sole of said shoe . To me that would make us addicts . We also try to wear them every chance we can and we take the best care of them we possibly can . You take a cigar smoker look how they covet the taste and try to keep the cigar at the perfect temp.until time of smoking . I have a collection of models kits started in the 1970's to modern day releases of WWII aircraft from Axis to Allied . I keep all my kits at a controlled temp . .  Financially speaking , no I will never let any of my addictions get in the way of my families needs , bottom line we all have addictions in some form or another .

[Shyheels]

I think passion is being confused with addiction. An addict wouldn’t care what happens with family or finances or who gets hurt, the compulsion is too strong. There is no control. Someone who take a deep and intelligent interest in something, whether the something is fashion, bicycle frames, or model aircraft is an entirely different sort of person.

[Cali]

1 hour ago, maninpumps said:

I feel we are heel addicts . We are also at different levels of addiction . Same as a cyclist covets different frames as mentioned above or the Ferrari .  If you were to ask my brother the difference or even one of my sisters about my shoes all they would notice would be the color . We see more than just the shoe we see the whole picture of the shoe like the heel style the material or the sole of said shoe . To me that would make us addicts . We also try to wear them every chance we can and we take the best care of them we possibly can . You take a cigar smoker look how they covet the taste and try to keep the cigar at the perfect temp.until time of smoking . I have a collection of models kits started in the 1970's to modern day releases of WWII aircraft from Axis to Allied . I keep all my kits at a controlled temp . .  Financially speaking , no I will never let any of my addictions get in the way of my families needs , bottom line we all have addictions in some form or another .

By your definition of addiction I'm a big time addict. Shoes, garden, skiing, fishing, the list goes on and on.

[Shyheels]

There appears to be a desire for labels - in particular one that suggests a surrendering of the freedom of choice. 

Edited May 28, 2018 by Shyheels

[maninpumps]

Sorry if I have offended ! I would like to direct your attention to the bottom two . That is what I am referring too .  

Definition of addicted

: having an addiction: such as

a : having a compulsive physiological need for a habit forming substance (such as a drug) 

• addicted to heroin

b : strongly inclined or compelled to do, use, or indulge in something repeatedly 

• addictedto chocolate

 

• addicted to (watching) soap operas

 

[Shyheels]

No offence - I just thought the term seemed rather strong. 

[maninpumps]

No , that was not my intention

 ..... I have been told many times by my wife I have an addiction to heels and my planes and sometimes even a fetish for bombers . By my dictionary , what I found on google , she is correct .