Talking to your kids about HH

[jeremy1986]

I thought I'd open a new thread about conversing with ones children about our heels - based on a short dialog recently in @mlroseplant's thread, as well as a comment made by one of my daughters this week.

Feel free to jump in with comments, thoughts and stories.

So yesterday, we were doing some clothes shopping for the family - me, my wife and the girls. After my wife tried on some low heeled sandals she saw and liked (but didn't get!), the one daughter (age 12) asked her if she (the daughter) can start wearing heels, to which my wife replied an immediate "NO!" - which I approved of   Way too early in my opinion too! 
Anyway, then the daughter proceeded to say to me quietly that its not fair, because my wife has all these high heels under my bed and doesn't wear them!! Little does she know...  I consoled her, and thought to myself, that no doubt, her heeling time will come too - but she certainly ain't starting with my 4" heels 

 

 

[hiddenheels]

I don't have a story here, but your story is awesome!

[Cali]

I glad I past that point. My youngest is 26. She knows I wear heels and color my nails. She is not thrilled that I wear heels all the time, but she has stopped complaining about it. She use to also complain that I color my nails, but she and my Ex liked my nail colors so much that they got the same ones for themselves.

[maninpumps]

When my daughter was 7- 9 years of age , she asked my wife why she has some size 8 and some size 12 shoes . My wife told her some were Daddy's and left it at that . I did catch my daughter trying to walk around the house in mine once . My wife asked if it would be okay to find her some small heels in her size . She did find some low heels cheap at the secondhand shop in town . She wore them around the house and by the time she had outgrown them it was time for her own pair of heels 21/2 " area or a little lower .

My son on the other hand wanted to see if he liked wearing heels around the age of 12 and wore a pair . He decided it was not his thing after a few weeks . We never made a big deal of it or tried to hide it from them . The only person in the family that makes a big deal of me wearing heels , my oldest sibling  she wears ugly shoes anyway and I told her that many times !  My  wife and I decided long before the children were born we would never make a big deal of my heels and they don't either . I think looking back we made the right decision . 

This is kinda funny , one of my daughter's teachers at a parent teacher conference did look to see if I was wearing heels . I asked her what she was looking for and she said my daughter said I wore heels . I simply replied "only on special occasions" .  She got a chuckle and we finished our conference .   

[jeremy1986]

2 hours ago, maninpumps said:

This is kinda funny , one of my daughter's teachers at a parent teacher conference did look to see if I was wearing heels . I asked her what she was looking for and she said my daughter said I wore heels . I simply replied "only on special occasions" .  She got a chuckle and we finished our conference .   

Loved this part!

[mlroseplant]

10 hours ago, jeremy1986 said:

I thought I'd open a new thread about conversing with ones children about our heels - based on a short dialog recently in @mlroseplant's thread, as well as a comment made by one of my daughters this week.

Feel free to jump in with comments, thoughts and stories.

So yesterday, we were doing some clothes shopping for the family - me, my wife and the girls. After my wife tried on some low heeled sandals she saw and liked (but didn't get!), the one daughter (age 12) asked her if she (the daughter) can start wearing heels, to which my wife replied an immediate "NO!" - which I approved of   Way too early in my opinion too! 
Anyway, then the daughter proceeded to say to me quietly that its not fair, because my wife has all these high heels under my bed and doesn't wear them!! Little does she know...  I consoled her, and thought to myself, that no doubt, her heeling time will come too - but she certainly ain't starting with my 4" heels 

 

 

I sometimes wonder what kind of dad I'd be to a daughter. Since I don't have one, I guess I'll never know. I suppose it would mainly depend upon the wife. My older son's mother was a bit of a helicopter parent, and certainly wouldn't allow him to do anything even marginally risky until he was nearly in high school. My younger son's mother (my wife) is pretty much the opposite. My younger son made it through infancy playing with scissors, plastic bags, and 5 gallon buckets that had a little bit of water in the bottom of them. He was mowing the lawn by the time he was 5. So if I had a daughter, I suppose I would probably let her wear heels at age 12. Then again, I suppose it depends on the kid. One of my younger son's friends is basically a walking disaster. She'd probably break her ankle within a week if she got anywhere near heels.

4 hours ago, maninpumps said:

This is kinda funny , one of my daughter's teachers at a parent teacher conference did look to see if I was wearing heels . I asked her what she was looking for and she said my daughter said I wore heels . I simply replied "only on special occasions" .  She got a chuckle and we finished our conference .   

Cute story, and good answer! I have not worn heels to a parent-teacher conference for a couple years. The main reason is because I know my wife likes it better. She's willing to put up with some slightly girly shorts with some slightly girly flat sandals, though. When we go to a school concert or other after-hours event, I'll always wear heels. No one has ever questioned or commented.

[SF]

I (we) have daughters that are now all growed up with their own kids.  Since before the kids and wife, I have worn gals flat sandals and heels.  When the kids showed up nothing much changed.  I did decide NOT to wear (higher) heels around the girls and their friends, I did not want them to be made fun of at school.  However, I did and still wear low heels, less than one inch, around them.  They were aware that I wear high heels and saw my sandals around the house all the time.  Once my youngest asked me (when the wife was present) why does daddy wear high heels?  I just told her that those are daddy's shoes and he likes them.  The subject never came up again.  For our family, daddy's heels were just was something that was aways around and it never really became an issue.  For us, we did not make a big deal out of it and it worked out well....    sf

[KneeBooted]

This has crossed my mind as our son approaches the age of 2. He still has a couple of years probably before he would ask about them, but I do want to be prepared when he does.

I hope when the time comes that it’s as simple as ‘I like to wear heels/yes those are my shoes’ and that’s it.

I had a brief conversation back around when our son was born about me wearing heels as he got older. She didn’t seem to be bothered by the idea of me continuing to wear them regularly around the kids, so we will see.

I am glad this thread is here because it’s helpful to read about other parents and their methods of exposing the kids to your heeling.

Edited September 21, 2019 by KneeBooted
Brain fart

[pebblesf]

On 9/18/2019 at 7:26 PM, jeremy1986 said:

I thought I'd open a new thread about conversing with ones children about our heels - based on a short dialog recently in @mlroseplant's thread, as well as a comment made by one of my daughters this week.

Feel free to jump in with comments, thoughts and stories.

So yesterday, we were doing some clothes shopping for the family - me, my wife and the girls. After my wife tried on some low heeled sandals she saw and liked (but didn't get!), the one daughter (age 12) asked her if she (the daughter) can start wearing heels, to which my wife replied an immediate "NO!" - which I approved of   Way too early in my opinion too! 
Anyway, then the daughter proceeded to say to me quietly that its not fair, because my wife has all these high heels under my bed and doesn't wear them!! Little does she know...  I consoled her, and thought to myself, that no doubt, her heeling time will come too - but she certainly ain't starting with my 4" heels 

 

 

I'm surprised you didn't get the usual "all my friends' parents let them wear heels..." retort...But,  now that I think of it, that approach never worked on my parents either...So, the heels under the bed are yours I'm guessing....  Kids grow up much quicker these days than we did unfortunately, they are exposed to way more "stuff" than they need to be, thanks to the darn interweb and phones....  What kind of heels does she want to wear?  Maybe she will be satisfied with some lower block heeled boots, or perhaps lower wedges/sneaks for now.  

When the time is appropriate, maybe you can take her heel shopping, might be a good way to "break the ice" and ease your heel wearing into the conversation....  Good luck buddy, raising kids is just about the hardest job there is....

[DProud2700]

When I engaged to the lady I am now married to(wonderfully I might say) I told her and both my now stepdaughters.  They were very cool with it and in fact would ask me for my opinion on what they should purchase for heels or otherwise.  I even let a niece know about it and surprisingly is the same shoe size as I am.  I am also her consultant for heel buying if not letting her have something from my collection to wear if she needs it.

[jeremy1986]

1 hour ago, DProud2700 said:

When I engaged to the lady I am now married to(wonderfully I might say) I told her and both my now stepdaughters.  They were very cool with it and in fact would ask me for my opinion on what they should purchase for heels or otherwise.  I even let a niece know about it and surprisingly is the same shoe size as I am.  I am also her consultant for heel buying if not letting her have something from my collection to wear if she needs it.

Well, thats quite lucky, on all fronts! 

On 9/21/2019 at 8:39 PM, pebblesf said:

I'm surprised you didn't get the usual "all my friends' parents let them wear heels..." retort...But,  now that I think of it, that approach never worked on my parents either...So, the heels under the bed are yours I'm guessing....  Kids grow up much quicker these days than we did unfortunately, they are exposed to way more "stuff" than they need to be, thanks to the darn interweb and phones....  What kind of heels does she want to wear?  Maybe she will be satisfied with some lower block heeled boots, or perhaps lower wedges/sneaks for now.  

When the time is appropriate, maybe you can take her heel shopping, might be a good way to "break the ice" and ease your heel wearing into the conversation....  Good luck buddy, raising kids is just about the hardest job there is....

Thanks @pebblesf buddy. Interestingly, none of her friends are into heels yet, maybe like a 1" wedge heel... so thankfully no peer pressure yet, but I can only assume it will come, as this daughter is your typical girly-girl teenager-to-come ... so I just hope we make it through! 

Ad yes - the heels under my bed are mine... my wife's (or, the ones she still holds onto) are packed nicely into her cupboard. I think taking her out shopping might be a good option... In fact she saw me looking at some wedges at the shop on that day that I wrote about, and gave me a little teasing comment, to which I just smiled. Guess if I was ready for it, I could have taken the opportunity. But not sure if I want to right now.

And heck yes - raising kids might well be the biggest challenge out there!

[pebblesf]

Yeah, kids are aware of much more than we would like to believe.....

[mlroseplant]

15 hours ago, pebblesf said:

Yeah, kids are aware of much more than we would like to believe.....

And yet, simultaneously, much less than we would like to believe.

[HappyinHeels]

Yes, I find both of those above to be true as they relate to the millenial generation. Very aware of tech and social stuff but also naive as to how the world tends to actually work as opposed to the what they may have heard inside the university bubble. This generation is undoubtedly the most open-minded as it relates to things like men in heels though. HinH

[Shyheels]

True, and yet incredibly close minded about many other things. I think that goes back to the fact that, as you say, they know much about tech etc but little about how people and the world actually work, and become blinkered and rigid about many things as a result 

[maninpumps]

On 9/26/2019 at 11:16 PM, Shyheels said:

True, and yet incredibly close minded about many other things. I think that goes back to the fact that, as you say, they know much about tech etc but little about how people and the world actually work, and become blinkered and rigid about many things as a result 

 You have a great point here . Being a parent as many in here are we must take into consideration what they are being taught outside the home as well . Children's brain's are by nature a sponge , mine are anyway . About the best we can ever offer to them is the right to make their own decisions and pray they do . 

[hhboots]

My two teenage kids have both known from a very young age that their dad does things different than most dads. They have seen me at various times over the years wearing short-shorts, leggings / skinny jeans (which were more controversal to wear 5-10 years ago when virtually every guy was wearing rather loose fitting pants and shorts below their knees, etc) ... I wear mid-height heels most days of the week, my toe nails are always painted, shaved legs, and many other things considered feminine. 

I have tried to not to take things too far in front of them, and especially if they have friends around, I totally switch back to a more socially acceptable appearance.  I don't want any of their friends to tease them.  I have gotten a few innocent questions over the years asking why I do this or that, but for the most part, they have come to just accept, this their dad I suppose.

Edited October 22, 2019 by hhboots

[p1ng74]

1 hour ago, maninpumps said:

 You have a great point here . Being a parent as many in here are we must take into consideration what they are being taught outside the home as well . Children's brain's are by nature a sponge , mine are anyway . About the best we can ever offer to them is the right to make their own decisions and pray they do . 

I would extend that to say that we don’t just offer them the right, but also teach the power of making informed, confident, and responsible decisions, even when they go against the grain of popular thought.

[jeremy1986]

On 10/22/2019 at 9:18 PM, hhboots said:

My two teenage kids have both known from a very young age that their dad does things different than most dads. They have seen me at various times over the years wearing short-shorts, leggings / skinny jeans (which were more controversal to wear 5-10 years ago when virtually every guy was wearing rather loose fitting pants and shorts below their knees, etc) ... I wear mid-height heels most days of the week, my toe nails are always painted, shaved legs, and many other things considered feminine. 

I have tried to not to take things too far in front of them, and especially if they have friends around, I totally switch back to a more socially acceptable appearance.  I don't want any of their friends to tease them.  I have gotten a few innocent questions over the years asking why I do this or that, but for the most part, they have come to just accept, this their dad I suppose.

Sounds very well balanced. and very caring of them too. Sometimes I think after reading stuff here that folks don't mind throwing them into the deep-end on this issue, to stand up for what we might think is rihht. But which is a little selfish... or even cruel (not saying that anyone here has done that!)  

Edited October 25, 2019 by jeremy1986
Clarification

[pebblesf]

6 hours ago, jeremy1986 said:

Sounds very well balanced. and very caring of them too. Sometimes I think throwing them into the deep-end on this issue is a little selfish... or even cruel (not saying that anyone here has done that!)  

Well said Jeremy, hhboots is a great dad...

[jeremy1986]

55 minutes ago, pebblesf said:

Well said Jeremy, hhboots is a great dad...

Yup.  Just re worded my comment above to clarify what I meant. 

[mlroseplant]

Latest update on my 10 year old son: To briefly recap for those of you who didn't read the other post, my 10 year old is only a size smaller than me now, and he decided he was going to try on some of my lower heels, discovered he could actually walk in them, and then proceeded to wear them all weekend, much to his mama's dismay.

Now a few weeks have gone by, and he has worn heels around the house a couple of times, but doesn't really seem all that interested, which is probably good in the end. I did just buy him a new pair of trainers! One thing I couldn't help noticing is that the women's shoes (which are the exact same style, exact same model name as the men's and boys') came in 53,486 colors, whereas the men's and boys' came in 3 colors. I'd be buying from the women's section, but he wanted.  .  . wait for it.  .  . BLACK. So no cross referencing was necessary.

[KneeBooted]

53 minutes ago, mlroseplant said:

Latest update on my 10 year old son: To briefly recap for those of you who didn't read the other post, my 10 year old is only a size smaller than me now, and he decided he was going to try on some of my lower heels, discovered he could actually walk in them, and then proceeded to wear them all weekend, much to his mama's dismay.

Now a few weeks have gone by, and he has worn heels around the house a couple of times, but doesn't really seem all that interested, which is probably good in the end. I did just buy him a new pair of trainers! One thing I couldn't help noticing is that the women's shoes (which are the exact same style, exact same model name as the men's and boys') came in 53,486 colors, whereas the men's and boys' came in 3 colors. I'd be buying from the women's section, but he wanted.  .  . wait for it.  .  . BLACK. So no cross referencing was necessary.

I admire your restraint as a parent here. I worry that I’d almost be like “you should totally try heels!” and overdo it when my son gets to that age. It’s a wonderful thing that you’re able to step back and let him find out on his own whether or not he enjoys them.

With regard to the color options on shoes, I have to agree that on multiple occasions I have found myself browsing the women’s section for shoes. I’m not there to find heels, but to find a pair of sneakers in a color other than white, gray, or black. It’s frustrating beyond belief!

[Shyheels]

I think that is my biggest beef with men’s fashions - the incredibly limited colour palette that is available, and usually only the most basic and drab of colours. That does seem to be changing a bit lately, but there is a long way to go. 

[KneeBooted]

1 minute ago, Shyheels said:

I think that is my biggest beef with men’s fashions - the incredibly limited colour palette that is available, and usually only the most basic and drab of colours. That does seem to be changing a bit lately, but there is a long way to go. 

I have to agree. Part of the reason I have been venturing into women’s tops now is for the sheer fact that the men’s side is fairly bland.

I wear tshirts primarily during the summer months, and usually stock up with 4-5 each season from Old Navy when they have their sale. This year even my wife mentioned how sad the selection was. I’ll post pictures in my thread, but I was fortunate enough to find two very bold colored sweaters on Target’s site/app that I don’t recall seeing in the men’s section.

To be fair, I am sure there are clothiers/retailers that do carry some more variety in the way of colors, patterns, styles, etc. My experience however is that those tend to also come with a higher price tag. If I’m honest, I haven’t paid more than $20 for a shirt, pair of pants, etc. in a few years and I’d like to keep it that way. I have to save my money for the important things, like shoes! 

[Shyheels]

I do a lot of cycling and one nice thing about cycling fashions is that cyclists have never been hung up on colours - pink is quite an ordinary colour in cycling. Indeed the winners jersey of the Giro d’Italia is pink you can always find interesting colours and shades in cycling gear.

[SF]

I love bright colors, always have..  I have shirts and pants in most of the colors of the rainbow, vivid and pastels.  Never been a problem, and aside from “I like your shirt / pants” comments, no further mention made..  Having said this, all of my clothes, except for the heels of course, are guys, and it IS hard to find guys clothes that aren’t drab looking.  Sad....  

have fun.    sf

[Cali]

My wardrobe became more colorful once I stop limiting myself to one side of the store. Not only have I found more colorful clothing, but in some cases, better fitting. Sometimes I like the texture better as well. Some things I only purchase the women's version because they are superior to the men's and other things only the men's version because they are superior and other things from either

[Steve63130]

I was in JC Penney the other day and I was looking for a red sweater. I was appalled to find all the colors are drab and boring earth colors this year. I went home empty-handed. It's easier and more productive to shop online!

Steve

[Cali]

Sorry, moved what I was going to post to another location.

Edited October 27, 2019 by Cali