Where do you wear heels?

[hiddenheels]

I've been thinking about this a lot recently. Traditionally, I mean over the past decades I've been (trying to?) wear heels, I've tended to go to parks, or out at night.

Parks: I feel like a deviant wearing heels in a completely out of context place. No one (your average woman) would wear heels to a park, unless perhaps block heels only a couple of inches high.

Night: Granted this is a lot of fun, but still often feel like I'm out of place, or doing something bad.

Coffee shops: I've found some bad places where I feel completely uncomfortable (near industrial parks, with a lot of trucks and their drivers) while I've also found places where I feel much more comfortable (suburban areas).

Outside during day-time: Infrequently able to do this, but with the right footwear and cloths, I'm comfortable.

 

However, I am barely seeing heels being worn by anyone. "Downtown" is far away. Malls would be good, maybe I'll try that.  Do you guys have any suggestions where heels would be more seen, where your average heel wearer (man/woman) wouldn't stick out as much? Just trying to find places where I can wear heels where I wouldn't feel like a deviant, although I understand that feeling is coming from within, not without.

[p1ng74]

In my experience, there is more heel wearing where people are dressed up:

Hotel lobbies and business centers during the weekday

Nicer restaurants and bars in the evening

Upscale retail / shopping malls, to some extent

Parties that people dress up for, like weddings, graduation, etc.  

 

I guess it helps that I work in an office where heels are appropriate, and I try not to think too much about it afterwards.  If I am stopping by the supermarket or hardware store before or after work, I'm still wearing heels and I'm not about to change out of them just to go into a store... 

Edited September 17, 2019 by p1ng74

[pebblesf]

2 hours ago, hiddenheels said:

I've been thinking about this a lot recently. Traditionally, I mean over the past decades I've been (trying to?) wear heels, I've tended to go to parks, or out at night.

Parks: I feel like a deviant wearing heels in a completely out of context place. No one (your average woman) would wear heels to a park, unless perhaps block heels only a couple of inches high.

Night: Granted this is a lot of fun, but still often feel like I'm out of place, or doing something bad.

Coffee shops: I've found some bad places where I feel completely uncomfortable (near industrial parks, with a lot of trucks and their drivers) while I've also found places where I feel much more comfortable (suburban areas).

Outside during day-time: Infrequently able to do this, but with the right footwear and cloths, I'm comfortable.

 

However, I am barely seeing heels being worn by anyone. "Downtown" is far away. Malls would be good, maybe I'll try that.  Do you guys have any suggestions where heels would be more seen, where your average heel wearer (man/woman) wouldn't stick out as much? Just trying to find places where I can wear heels where I wouldn't feel like a deviant, although I understand that feeling is coming from within, not without.

You, like many of us, have fallen victim to the underlying subliminal messages that society loves to dump on us.  There is nothing wrong with wearing heels wherever you feel comfortable doing so... We have all done similar things, wearing heels at night, at secluded areas, etc.  We do this because we are nervous about wearing our heels publicly, but desperately want to wear them out of the confines of our homes..   Ground surface is a major concern for me when wearing my boots.  Jagged sidewalks, tile/sippery floor surfaces, all spell trouble for heel wearing.  Carpeted or hard surfaces that are not slick are best.  Malls, coffee shops are good options.  The important thing is to only wear heels that you can handle with confidence, slipping/stumbling/taking very short strides all attract unwanted attention. 

Just remember that you are not "out of place", if you are comfortable and feel you look good.  Don't let society get the best of you by using words like "deviant". 

[Cali]

I'm laughing about all this talk about stumbling. I got blinded by the sun and didn't see the inch gap in the sidewalk, my heel came down in the crack and I came close to falling.Didn't but came close

When I first started wear booties with a 1.5 to 3 inch heel I was so concerned about any one noticing. Several people noticed I was suddenly TALLER  . However, once I went to 4 inch plus heels there was no way I was going to be able to prevent my heels from showing, plus I like to wear shorts, so I just wear my heels almost everywhere. Some exceptions are parks where I am going to have walk on uneven grass, kayaking, ....

Edited September 18, 2019 by Cali

[Simcity3]

Well…. The short answer to that is where my feet take me.

But to answer your question you wanna be in business area's if you wanna see more heel's around you. The funny part is if you want to not be seen i generally found the more crowded a place is the less people seem to notice, or at least visibly notice i'm in heels. 

In general it's very clear to me that the world is becoming more open minded. I haven't had a bad reaction from anyone in years and the younger generations are very interested and often ask questions. 

[jeremy1986]

8 hours ago, pebblesf said:

Just remember that you are not "out of place", if you are comfortable and feel you look good.  Don't let society get the best of you by using words like "deviant". 

Take this from someone who doesn't heel publicly (me), and of course nothing personal against our dear member @pebblesf: I don't see the above as necessarily true. Sure, on the "empowerment" level, its great  - and true. But on a practical level - people want to blend in. Even a man wearing heels, wants to blend in along with other heelers (mostly woman obviously). So sure, he can wear heels anywhere, but still wants to feel part of the picture. Am I making sense? 

[mlroseplant]

2 hours ago, Simcity3 said:

In general it's very clear to me that the world is becoming more open minded. I haven't had a bad reaction from anyone in years and the younger generations are very interested and often ask questions. 

I've found this to be true, with some notable exceptions, in the last few years. What was kind of a big deal 10 years ago is now just a little unusual.

I wear my heels pretty much everywhere nowadays, and most of the time I am the only one wearing heels, so in that sense, I do stick out. Oddly enough, the one place I go regularly where it is guaranteed that I won't be the only one in heels is church. But that's only on Sunday morning. On Wednesday nights, I'll still be the only one in heels.

I've spent my time walking in the darkness, and part of it was being self-conscious, but part of it was I needed to learn how to walk in heels, and I didn't want anybody to see me struggling. Using the same logic, when I was learning how to play the pipe organ, I used to come to the church late at night to guarantee that I wouldn't have an unwanted audience.

Edited September 18, 2019 by mlroseplant

[p1ng74]

3 hours ago, jeremy1986 said:

Take this from someone who doesn't heel publicly (me), and of course nothing personal against our dear member @pebblesf: I don't see the above as necessarily true. Sure, on the "empowerment" level, its great  - and true. But on a practical level - people want to blend in. Even a man wearing heels, wants to blend in along with other heelers (mostly woman obviously). So sure, he can wear heels anywhere, but still wants to feel part of the picture. Am I making sense? 

I think the desire to blend in vs stand out may vary depending on individual personalities.  Also, I don't think it is black or white, as different people have different tolerances for what they consider to be "blended in".  We live in a world with so many different kinds of people that look and dress differently as an expression of one's self.  I feel like a "blend" is often a mixture of many different unique expressions.  A comfortable social environment, to me, is not necessarily one where everyone is dressed and looks the same, but rather one where everyone is comfortable interacting with each other and between their unique expressions.  

For example, I chose to wear a blazer into the office, all the time.  Some days, I am the only guy in a blazer, as everyone has decided to go casual that day.  Am I sticking out, deviant, and not part of the picture?  I think that would depend more on my behavior than the mere choice to wear a blazer.  If I am still comfortable and "blending in" to the social environment I am in, it's just another productive day in the office.  Same with heels, especially in a contemporary western setting.  In this open society I doubt most people find it uncomfortable talking or interacting with you just because you are a guy wearing heels, and for the people that to do, perhaps this is an opportunity to discover differently.  

[pebblesf]

5 hours ago, jeremy1986 said:

Take this from someone who doesn't heel publicly (me), and of course nothing personal against our dear member @pebblesf: I don't see the above as necessarily true. Sure, on the "empowerment" level, its great  - and true. But on a practical level - people want to blend in. Even a man wearing heels, wants to blend in along with other heelers (mostly woman obviously). So sure, he can wear heels anywhere, but still wants to feel part of the picture. Am I making sense? 

yes, makes perfect sense

[Pierre1961]

I did the same  at the early beginning: at night ,parks,parking lot. 

Always feeling bad because inadequate. 

Now i wear heels in the day time,in the city,when traveling ( Flying is the best because airports are perfect) hotels ... 

i pay more attention to the clothes that match the heels. Always as manly a side possible. 

Ans i try to pay no attention at all to others despite the fact i am the only one on heels. Not so easy.

So far so good!

[Jkrenzer]

I used to work the edges, night walking, long pants, etc. Now openly just about everywhere. I don't walk around at work but do have a nice pair of 5 inch basic black pumps i keep at my desk and wear from time to time when i know i won'tbe up and about much. Several coworkers are aware and i discussed with one. I simply said I'm more relaxed with them on. Nothing more. 

I think my confidence grew at a logarithmic rate, took a long time to get comfortable to being known as different by wearing heels to boldly going where no man has gone before with no concerns. 

[hiddenheels]

On 9/17/2019 at 6:13 PM, pebblesf said:

You, like many of us, have fallen victim to the underlying subliminal messages that society loves to dump on us.  There is nothing wrong with wearing heels wherever you feel comfortable doing so... We have all done similar things, wearing heels at night, at secluded areas, etc.  We do this because we are nervous about wearing our heels publicly, but desperately want to wear them out of the confines of our homes..   Ground surface is a major concern for me when wearing my boots.  Jagged sidewalks, tile/sippery floor surfaces, all spell trouble for heel wearing.  Carpeted or hard surfaces that are not slick are best.  Malls, coffee shops are good options.  The important thing is to only wear heels that you can handle with confidence, slipping/stumbling/taking very short strides all attract unwanted attention. 

Just remember that you are not "out of place", if you are comfortable and feel you look good.  Don't let society get the best of you by using words like "deviant". 

This broke my brain. Rings completely true...

 

For whatever reason, I'm overwhelmed by the responses in this thread, and need a bit of time to reflect... Thanks.

[HappyinHeels]

hiddenheels,

You've received some good advice here but that's the purpose of a site like this one. I think each of us has gone through some sort of mental process to figure it out until many of us realised we weren't doing anything wrong and just decided to "get on with it" as many would say in the U.K. Get on with enjoying your life and not limiting yourself by artificial restraints. I bought my first heels in 1978 in a Kresge store going out of business and have been buying heels nearly exclusively in-person at store like Macys, Nordstrom Rack, Bakers (when it was around) , Aldo, and Charlotte Russe since 2009 and have never had a bad reaction. Over time I started wearing heels into these same stores and got better service than ever. The visual of a man in heels sends a message that the world needs to reckon with you on your terms. This is the essence of enjoying life while you have the health, imagination, and money to do it. What fuels your ability to walk out that door and demand to be counted is confidence. Experience is gathered over a period of time by living and doing. Knowledge is gathered by living, doing, and learning and confidence is fusing all of this together to achieve your goals. It's an equation really; Experience=Knowledge, Knowledge = Confidence, and Confidence = Success. Success cannot be achieved without any of these prior ingredients. You have the desire and the creativity but just need to light the torch and ignite your confidence. Human beings with abundant confidence are virtual blast furnaces of energy and optimism and they invariably inspire others to do the same. I have met some of our members so I know it's true. I hope this is helpful for you. You're in the right place my friend. HappyinHeels

[DProud2700]

I have worn heels to malls, membership stores, the movies and to dinner at certain restaurants.

[hiddenheels]

I'm now somewhat comfortable in coffee-shops, downtown, but am still looking for a lot more opportunities where I get the feeling that wearing heels is appropriate and would fit in if a woman were wearing it. Not a lot of opportunities unfortunately. I guess I just need to make sure that my attire is appropriate for the situation, and I'm still figuring that out.

I'm very self-conscious when wearing heels, regardless of where I am, but that'll probably pass with time.

@Jkrenzer: "wearing heels to boldly going where no man has gone before". Love this! :)

[mlroseplant]

9 hours ago, hiddenheels said:

I'm now somewhat comfortable in coffee-shops, downtown, but am still looking for a lot more opportunities where I get the feeling that wearing heels is appropriate and would fit in if a woman were wearing it. Not a lot of opportunities unfortunately. I guess I just need to make sure that my attire is appropriate for the situation, and I'm still figuring that out.

I'm very self-conscious when wearing heels, regardless of where I am, but that'll probably pass with time.

@Jkrenzer: "wearing heels to boldly going where no man has gone before". Love this!

You've hit the nail on the head saying that you're self-conscious, but it will pass with time. It is good to be somewhat self-conscious, in order to try to look your best, but in the end you just have to let it go. As many of us have lamented, hardly anyone wears heels anymore. I have often said that even if I were a woman, I'd probably have unwanted attention wearing exactly the same thing I do as a man. Possibly for different reasons, though.

[hiddenheels]

On 9/28/2019 at 4:59 AM, mlroseplant said:

You've hit the nail on the head saying that you're self-conscious, but it will pass with time. It is good to be somewhat self-conscious, in order to try to look your best, but in the end you just have to let it go. As many of us have lamented, hardly anyone wears heels anymore. I have often said that even if I were a woman, I'd probably have unwanted attention wearing exactly the same thing I do as a man. Possibly for different reasons, though.

Thanks. Agree that women don't tend to wear heels, which makes it even more difficult for me to do so.

One realization though... I do karate, and sometimes on the way to/from my workout, I will stop by a store and buy something, in my workout gear. Completely different cloths, completely non-standard, but I feel perfectly comfortable even though I stick out like a sore thumb. I've been reflecting on this a lot, comparing why I feel fine dressed like that, but completely self-conscious when I put on a pair of heels that you can barely see...

[p1ng74]

I just got back from spending a week in London, and not surprisingly the city is a great place to wear heels.  Londoners are well dressed, and I could always find women in heels, whether it be walking on the streets, the subway, or museums.  For practical reasons, I didn’t see a single stilleto in the 42 miles I walked - every single one was a block heel, but they were not shy to go high into the 3”+ heights.  

[Cali]

But you forgot your "Heels at Costa" picture.....LOL

[Shyheels]

43 minutes ago, p1ng74 said:

I just got back from spending a week in London, and not surprisingly the city is a great place to wear heels.  Londoners are well dressed, and I could always find women in heels, whether it be walking on the streets, the subway, or museums.  For practical reasons, I didn’t see a single stilleto in the 42 miles I walked - every single one was a block heel, but they were not shy to go high into the 3”+ heights.  

I’m glad you had a nice time in London. I hope Hastings and Bodiam Castle were good to you as well! 

[DProud2700]

5 hours ago, Shyheels said:

I’m glad you had a nice time in London. I hope Hastings and Bodiam Castle were good to you as well! 

I live on the left coast of the United States and in particular the San Francisco Bay Area.  There seems to be a fashion turn where the ladies here seem to be more interested in wearing nothing more than universal bland shoes and boots since Calif. wants everyone to be all the same.  Seeing a women in dress and heels is a rarity these days, what you do see is more of "casual Friday" every day of the week.  So sad.

[SF]

I left the Bay Area one year ago for the reasons you mentioned, as well as many more.  Now in SoCal, where things are a little, very little, better.  Still see some gals (and me) out in heels.  Hope to be outta here in a few years, the once golden state is no longer.....   sad, very sad......    smile....    sf

[p1ng74]

13 hours ago, Shyheels said:

I’m glad you had a nice time in London. I hope Hastings and Bodiam Castle were good to you as well! 

Yes!  Enjoyed Bodiam Castle and went to Maggie’s afterwards.  Fortunately they informed me over the phone that they are cash only, so I was able to stop at the ATM beforehand.  We walked along the shore afterwards and enjoyed the pretty rocks.  

 

[Shyheels]

Gosh, sorry! I should have mentioned the cash only routine at Maggie’s. Glad you found out. I nearly got caught out by that the first time I went. I am pleased you had a good time. Nice pic of you guys at Bodiam! 

[p1ng74]

3 hours ago, Shyheels said:

Gosh, sorry! I should have mentioned the cash only routine at Maggie’s. Glad you found out. I nearly got caught out by that the first time I went. I am pleased you had a good time. Nice pic of you guys at Bodiam! 

It was all good, as I found out more generally that the old travel advice to always carry some amount of cash seemed to prevail for the entire trip, even in 2019 and the age of VISA and tap-and-pay.  One thing in particular is for tips.  In the US restaurants never include the tip unless it is a large group, but in the UK either 12.5% is automatically added, or the card is charged with no opportunity to add a specific tip to the charge.  The only way to leave a truly discretionary tip, it seems, is to have cash to leave on the table.  

[Shyheels]

Some places here add tips, but by and large the tipping culture in Britain is nothing like as pervasive as that in the US

[HappyinHeels]

Adding a service charge of 15-18% may sound more efficient elsewhere but I have seen where the service also dipped in quality. Adding a service charge takes away the option from the consumer and that's not a good thing. Tipping is pervasive in the U.S. and Canada (less so in Quebec) but we're so used to it and it works. By and large people getting tips in these two nations work their ass off and I believe earn them. HinH

[at9]

Service charge in the UK is typically between 10% and 15% though many restaurants don't add it. Then it's up to the customer to tip. Remember that service charge is levied on the price after sales tax (VAT). VAT is always included in the menu/sticker price so you don't see that you're being charged 20% VAT in the UK. In the US, sales tax is added at the till or on the bill.

Personally I'd prefer the Japanese culture of no tipping at all. Failing that I'd like to choose to tip. In theory, service charges are optional in the UK. But to demand that it be removed from the bill is something that rarely happens.

[p1ng74]

50 minutes ago, HappyinHeels said:

Adding a service charge of 15-18% may sound more efficient elsewhere but I have seen where the service also dipped in quality. Adding a service charge takes away the option from the consumer and that's not a good thing. Tipping is pervasive in the U.S. and Canada (less so in Quebec) but we're so used to it and it works. By and large people getting tips in these two nations work their ass off and I believe earn them. HinH

I wonder if some of the difference is due to different operational procedures in restaurants.  Typically, in the US, when you are seated at a restaurant, you get assigned a server.  That server becomes individually responsible for your restaurant experience, and earning the tip.  I noticed in the UK, it was more or what we would call team serving.  When well run, this has the added benefit for the customer of being able to ask any of the servers for anything, rather than trying to hunt down your individual server.  However, we did also find ourselves in a couple of establishments where this was a total failure, and it didn't take long for us to realize that we were never going to get served, and so we left.  It's been years since I have found it necessary to leave a restaurant due to service - it tends not to happen in the US because if you leave, it reflects personally on the server and they tend to try to make things right rather than see you leave unhappy.  

 

[at9]

Lived in the UK all my life and only ever walked out due to failed service on 2 or 3 occasions.