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hiddenheels

Unhiding my heels

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Posted (edited)

I'm going to post my outings in this thread, just to share. 

A few things about me: Have been married for a long time, with kids. My wife knew about my heels before we got married, but was never supportive, and eventually all heels became hidden (hence my alias) from view, we didn't talk about, I didn't wear it in front of her, nothing. Recently the topic came up, and the conclusion was that she said is OK if I go out periodically, she might join once in a while. It's slowly been improving, I showed her my heels, we discussed them, etc, but she doesn't want me wearing them at home. I'm used to that, so it's OK. 

Traditionally, 50% of my outings have been at night, with noone around, lasting about ~30 minutes. 50% of my outings have been to parks, or other more-deserted locations, during the day, hoping noone would be around. 

I usually wear jeans which cover the heels, and the heels vary depending on my mood. I much prefer boots, or ankle-boots, so it's almost always that. I have never ventured into a store or anything like that. Now I'm working hard to change that... 

More recently however, I've been getting really angry, sad, anxious, etc, most of it I am convinced is because of my inability (self-imposed or otherwise) to wear heels out. These emotions have been really difficult, and have preoccupied me greatly. I am getting really fed up with it, and have decided to try to challenge myself a bit and try to wear them outside. This is all recent, and has been happening in the last 2-3 months...

OUTING

A while ago I had to go downtown for work, and was in a huge mood to wear heels. I decided to take the required cloths with me, and a ~3.5" ankle boot that looks professional, no platform. After I was done with my work stuff, I quickly changed... Jeans covering almost the entire heel (about 1" was showing), and off I went. Broad daylight, with your general downtown population moving about, roads, etc. Put in headphones and walked around downtown, looking into stores, just browsing. Obviously lots of people saw me, but I was having fun. Didn't bother me who saw, and I didn't hear, was busy listening to music. 

Once I was done walking around, I walked too far from the car, so I decided to take the bus back. Got on the bus, in heels, sat down, and paid no attention to anyone. Was a bit self-conscious, but it was great. This was the first time I went out in public, ever, in broad daylight. 

I had a blast, still processing the experience. :)

Cloths were: jacket, white shirt, very dark blue jeans, and black ~3.5" chunky heel ankle boots. The outfit I think worked perfectly.

OUTING

A few days after the above adventure, I got another chance. Was near a shoe store that I don't get a chance to go to often. Was coming home from a work-thing, and wanted to challenge myself. After my work-thing, I got changed, put on very long jeans, and a pair of 4" stiletto boots which I simply love. So comfortable. The heels could barely be seen. 

I got out of the car, shuffled around a bit, battling my thoughts, but then decided to just go for it. Ventured into the mall, past some coffee shops, and into a large department store. I looked around a bit randomly, just enjoying that I'm there in my heels. Then walked around the mall for a few minutes before making my way to the shoe store. I looked around, found nothing of use, then walked around the mall for a few more minutes and out to the car. The entire thing took 30 minutes or something, but it was broad daylight, with lots of people around, and I loved it. I was just a bit self-conscious. 

Cloths were: dress-shirt, black sweater, long blue jeans, and black 4" boots. I think it looked OK, upon reflection the outfit could be improved, but am still trying to figure that out.

OUTING, OUTING, OUTING, OUTING

A few days after the above adventure, over the course of ~2 weeks, I had the chance to be alone during the day once in a while for some hours to do my own thing. I wanted to challenge myself again, and wear heels. This time I decided to go to a coffee shop and grab a drink & some food, and work. So I did just that, picked a coffee shop that was far enough away from home, packed myself into the car, and went. This time I was quite self conscious in my brown wedge ankle boots, and long jeans covering most of it. While standing it was OK, the heels weren't showing, but when sitting I'm sure they were. I tried it out before going to the coffee shop and the jeans would ride up if I sat down, so I assume people could see some of it. But I sat down, enjoyed my drink, ate a bit, and worked on my laptop. Spent about an hour there. Got to repeat this 3, maybe 4 times over the course a few weeks. Quite enjoyable, but doesn't beat the above two adventures. 

Cloths: Varied, but long blue jeans with 3" wedge ankle boots covering most of it.

---------------

The above outings might show progress, and they are huge progress compared to what I was doing a year ago, or further back. But I am still very much conflicted with this heeling thing, and I am sure these emotions will not go away for a while yet. I am trying to challenge myself, and in the process wear my heels, and so far so good. I am still very uncomfortable showing photos or URLs of the heels, or myself. I love it when others post photos of themselves in coffeeshops, etc, but I am not comfortable with that, for various reasons. :(

Edited by hiddenheels
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5 hours ago, hiddenheels said:

--------------

The above outings might show progress, and they are huge progress compared to what I was doing a year ago, or further back. But I am still very much conflicted with this heeling thing, and I am sure these emotions will not go away for a while yet. I am trying to challenge myself, and in the process wear my heels, and so far so good. I am still very uncomfortable showing photos or URLs of the heels, or myself. I love it when others post photos of themselves in coffeeshops, etc, but I am not comfortable with that, for various reasons. :(

There are several postings that tell more or less the same story. I'm not sure which one I should reply to, so I'm going to pick.  .  . this one. First of all, again, I want to say welcome to the group. I am not sure why you were a part of Jenny's group 20 years ago, but I can say for myself that I didn't wear heels back then, choosing to spend most of my energy trying to get my wife to wear heels. What a waste of time! Things were different back then, both personally and culturally, and it didn't occur to me that I could wear my own heels just like any woman until much later. I made my debut in May of 2012. I wish I could say I've never looked back, but it hasn't been quite that easy. It looks rather like a long term line graph of a stock market, with lots of peaks and valleys, but generally trending upwards.

You said elsewhere something to the effect of life would be a lot easier if you weren't this way. You have no idea how many times I've said this to myself over the years. I've even said that this year at one point. There are some people who evidently have no fear, no conflict, and either have completely supportive spouses or are single. Those are very few. Even though you won't catch me leaving the house in flats nowadays (with the exception of work--construction and heels don't really mix), my wife is not anywhere near 100% behind me on this. She kind of hates it, but tolerates it 99% of the time.

Just so you know, I do not like to take photos of myself either, but occasionally do so because sometimes words are not quite enough. I wish I could tell you that in a year, you will feel nothing but wonderful when you go out in heels. It does get better, but it is not really a light switch event for most people, it is a gradual process. Heck, even light switches are more complicated than they used to be! In closing, eventually you do have to Just Do It, but you don't have to feel like if you're not perfectly comfortable all of the time that's it's a sin. Good luck!

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You are making great progress indeed buddy...I like the idea of wearing headphones, shields you a bit in case of negative feedback.   But, on the other hand, you won't hear any compliments either.  To me, wearing my boots publicly is so liberating, such a great feeling indeed, one that can't be duplicated walking around inside the house by one's self.  Keep doing what you are doing buddy, you won't be concerned so much about your jeans riding up over the heels after awhile.  You will know things are going real well, when you actually forget (almost anyway) that you are wearing your boots in public.  Once you forget, the inhibitions that might make you stumble or feel uneasy will disappear, and confidence will win out....

I'm sure you look great in the outfits you have described, so am hoping you will post some pictures someday....After rethinking my reply to one of your initial posts, I'm guessing the wife doesn't want you wearing boots at home to keep the kids from knowing about it.....

Great job buddy!  Don

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Nice stories... If you want to wear heels outside of your home, the only way to do it is to do it...  All of us who wear high heels out in public have had the same "fears" and have, for the most part gotten past.  Personally, I was pretty much terrified when I began to heel in public, now I don't give it much thought, it's just something I do.  

You are very fortunate to have a supportive spouse, a lot of guys here can't claim that, so count your blessings at least in that regard.  

As for why you like gals shoes and heels, I have been axing myself that question since I was a teen.  I have no answer, so I just go with it, and it makes me happy...  

Have fun....   sf

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I’m sure many if not most of us here have had most of the feelings and conflicts you have had. I am at a point in my life where, while I’d love to openly wear the footwear of my choosing publicly, it’s just not going to happen for me. I’ll likely continue to do things similarly, with long pants that cover the heels. I don’t need someone to take an unknown photo and end on Facebook or somewhere.  It’s just too late in my life to want to upset my wife and family just for a bit of my own enjoyment.  So I’ll take the occasional outing and enjoy it as much as possible. Life would be easier without the desire for heels for sure!

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That is an unselfish stand given the medical challenge you face. It would seem, indeed, you'll keep putting others' needs above our own to the bitter end. I salute you sir. HinH

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Thanks HinH. I appreciate that.

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Haven't had the chance to do anything funky recently, but am still thinking about those experiences, and am hopeful that in the future I will be as "careless" about what other people think as I was on those days. I'm trying to adopt the slogan of Nike "Just Do It". :)

But yes, have to be careful to make sure the "happy wife, happy life" thing remains true... 

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1 hour ago, hiddenheels said:

But yes, have to be careful to make sure the "happy wife, happy life" thing remains true... 

If done correctly, sometimes you can just wear 'em down. Don't get me wrong, the wife is not enthusiastic about my fashion choices, but she just doesn't make a big deal about it any more.

Happywife.PNG

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Had a need to go to some stores, and though I would try some new heels I bought. Lower, ~3" chunky heels, but light brown, harder to hide. Jeans, TShirt and my bag. Sat in the car for a few minutes, contemplating things, then got out and just went for it. I felt very comfortable, and not so self-conscious as last time. Walking in heels outside is interesting, can't hurry as much as I usually do, which is kinda nice.

Anyway, went into one store, browsed around for ~20 minutes but didn't find what I was looking for. Reparked by another store, a much busier store, and again sat in the car for a few minutes. Then got out, and went in. Timing couldn't have been better, as a lady with awesome heels was walking out. Went in, grabbed what I needed and walked out. Nothing unusual happened, no comments, no stares, nothing. The boots do look a bit like cowboy boots, but they were very hidden under jeans. 

I'm now happy, I got it out of my system for the time being. :)

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The first few steps are always the hardest. And it get's easier each time. One day you won't remember when you didn't wear high heels.

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For me, the different steps walking in heels outside are: 

1/- hidden block heels boots or booties

2/- hidden stilettos booties 

3/- visible block heels boots or booties 

4/- visible stilettos booties 

5/- hidden very female style stilettos court shoes 

6/- visible court shoes  

i personally am fine until step 3.sometimes step 4 .Not yet steps 5 and 6  

as RonC wrote,the risk someone could take a picture and post it somewhere worries me . The odds are 1/10000  (?) but not nothing  

depending the place the risk being noticed by someone we know is more important.So far it personally never happened 

So....let's go ahead and wear heels    

Pierre 

 

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17 hours ago, Pierre1961 said:

the risk someone could take a picture and post it somewhere worries me .

I would be surprise if there wasn't a picture of me out on the internet. I have been wearing 4+ inch heels everywhere for over 5 years.  So Don't Worry, Be Happy and wear those heels proudly! Project that confidence one needs to walk around in public while wearing shorts and heels.

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I used to catch people taking or attempting to take pictures of me all the time. I haven't noticed it lately. Which means that either I don't care enough to really notice, or people care less than they used to. I too, am probably out there somewhere on the Internet, probably in one of those "People of Walmart" videos.

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Oh! That sucks! 

If my 1/10000 odd is good ( which is probably not), crossing the CDG airport departure/ check in level all the way long approximately 30 times a year,with at least 1000 persons able to see me,that make 3 pictures of myself in someone cell phone! 

Plus all other airports and different places  I use to go with unhidden heels,then  more than 10 could possible 

But! Not so many people notice someone walking from the front,a lot from behind and for sure standing in the escalator. 

In that case the face is not visible 

i never noticed someone obviously taking a picture of myself. What a good thing not to be a well known personality! 

Conclusion: I won't give up wearing visible heels in public!

 

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hiddenheels,

You have seen a sampling of reaction + support since your first posting. If you refocus on the posting by mlroseplant on 27 June I offer my validation of that post. Whilst I know some things on the internet should be taken with a grain of salt I can assure you may confident in mlroseplant because I know him and his wife. I have visited him a few times now as I passed through Iowa on my way home to Wisconsin. He lives in a small town and wears his heels openly just as described. He walks the walk and is secure in who he is. So, when he writes about his experiences in hopes of encouraging you, I believe you can take it to the bank. Ultimately this forum exists to encourage others to enjoy their heels and indeed enjoy their lives wearing those heels. There are many others here who have similar stories but you can take inspiration from any of them if that helps and I hope it does. I have met several of our members and my life is enhanced for having done so. Bet on it. Bet on yourself. HappyinHeels

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I'm getting old, but have never seen another male wear heels, dressed as a male. It's a bit daunting, but I have noticed that as I get older, I realize that the time I have available to me to do this is getting shorter. So I venture outside more.  Thank you everyone for the positive feedback. I am making progress in my adventure to wear heels. I hope I will be comfortable to wear them more openly as time progresses.

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Dresse de as a man,with heels. That's totally unusual. And that's why it's fun. No one can put a tag on you! 

I am getting old also. So I am wearing heels visible more and more. Go ahead. 

Pierre. 

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Posted (edited)
5 hours ago, hiddenheels said:

I'm getting old, but have never seen another male wear heels, dressed as a male. It's a bit daunting, but I have noticed that as I get older, I realize that the time I have available to me to do this is getting shorter. So I venture outside more.  Thank you everyone for the positive feedback. I am making progress in my adventure to wear heels. I hope I will be comfortable to wear them more openly as time progresses.

Keep it up buddy, great work indeed...Confidence builds with each outing, and it feels so liberating....  I am older also, but have found that I am less worried about what others think with each passing year.  All that matters is that I think I look great in boots.  Please don't misunderstand, I know that many have families and can't put themselves "first" very often.  My partner hates my boots, fortunately I work for the airlines so can wear my boots freely while away on layovers.  I am very lucky in that respect....

Edited by pebblesf
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I (re)claimed heels and wear them as my everyday shoes, so I don't consider wearing my heels out as an outing. To me it just my normal. It's more of an outing when I don't have heels on.

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48 minutes ago, pebblesf said:

Keep it up buddy, great work indeed...Confidence builds with each outing, and it feels so liberating....  I am older also, but have found that I am less worried about what others think with each passing year.  All that matters is that I think I look great in boots.  Please don't misunderstand, I know that many have families and can't put themselves "first" very often.  My partner hates my boots, fortunately I work for the airlines so can wear my boots freely while away on layovers.  I am very lucky in that respect....

From the heel wearing perspective, that would be a great job! I get to travel a bit, and will have to challenge myself, to maybe spend a day in heels during one of my trips. Have been thinking about that for a few weeks now, but I don't have a trip coming up for months... :(

 

Does your partner know you do this while away?

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16 minutes ago, hiddenheels said:

From the heel wearing perspective, that would be a great job! I get to travel a bit, and will have to challenge myself, to maybe spend a day in heels during one of my trips. Have been thinking about that for a few weeks now, but I don't have a trip coming up for months... :(

 

Does your partner know you do this while away?

Well, I'm sure he knows, we just don't speak about it much.  I fear he thinks I'm "out on the prowl" while away, which is not the case, but I understand why he might feel this way....My "prowling days" have long since passed for sure...I take responsibility for some of these issues, but a little "acceptance" on his part would sure be much better than being ridiculed and made to feel like some sort of freak....

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Don 

i wish that part would get better for you.   I am thankful that my GF partakes and has no issue.     

CAT

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9 hours ago, CAT said:

Don 

i wish that part would get better for you.   I am thankful that my GF partakes and has no issue.     

CAT

Thanks CAT....I'm hoping he will "soften up" a bit soon.  We all know my love of boots can not be ignored and won't just "go away".   Take good care of your GF buddy...

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On 6/27/2019 at 4:32 PM, RonC said:

I’m sure many if not most of us here have had most of the feelings and conflicts you have had. I am at a point in my life where, while I’d love to openly wear the footwear of my choosing publicly, it’s just not going to happen for me. I’ll likely continue to do things similarly, with long pants that cover the heels. I don’t need someone to take an unknown photo and end on Facebook or somewhere.  It’s just too late in my life to want to upset my wife and family just for a bit of my own enjoyment.  So I’ll take the occasional outing and enjoy it as much as possible. Life would be easier without the desire for heels for sure!

@RonC, that is my biggest fear is someone smart ass posting a hate photo on social media and people finding out. I am in a very public career and this is my fear. I go far away from home but sadly I always seem to run into someone that knows me.

Out of town trips may be the solution.... hope to try more

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10 hours ago, AJ777 said:

@RonC, that is my biggest fear is someone smart ass posting a hate photo on social media and people finding out. I am in a very public career and this is my fear. I go far away from home but sadly I always seem to run into someone that knows me.

Out of town trips may be the solution.... hope to try more

Somewhat in a similar position, but I try to go far enough from home that my immediate neighbourhood will not find out. There's a danger that others who know me will see me, but at those times I take that risk. Otherwise I will be stuck at home only, which is no fun. Starting to focus more on potential trips, and trying to plan ahead... 

OUTING: Had a chance to try my new 5" ankle-boot (no platform) outside, along with another 5" ankle-boot (with 1" platform). It was in a suburban neighbourhood, and it was dark already.

My no-platform-boots, although they're size US9, I have no idea what kind of messed up sizing system they used, as US9 would be way too small and unworkable for me, but these shoes are a perfect fit with socks, and I mean 100% perfect, so comfortable. I don't think I've ever gone out in a 5" boot before, but I simply had to try these out. As usual, it was with long jeans covering most of the heels. Getting out of the car is getting less of an issue, and I am starting to not worry about that at all. Although I've worn heels this tall inside, outside turned out to be a challenge. Took me about 10 minutes to get used to it, and figure out how to handle the slopes on a sidewalk, and the ups and downs of driveway entrances. I didn't trip, ankles didn't go out, so am quite proud of myself. Walked around for ~30 minutes, and it was an amazing 30 minutes. Had some people walk by, but didn't care. Did get a small group of teenager guys walk my way for which I stopped and messed around with my phone until they passed. I didn't trust that situation. After 30 minutes of walking about, my feet didn't ache, my toes weren't crushed, I love these. Although the heels are higher than my usual, I'm surprised how well I did.

Before calling it quits, I had to try the other boots, so changed into them, and took a quick stroll. I don't know why, possibly because after 30 minutes with a 5" lift, wearing something with a 4" lift was child's play. I felt like I was wearing my sneakers, so comfortable, so easy to walk in. 

Overall, I had no issues, both new boots did great, and I'm super-happy. Before heading home I considered stopping by a grocery store or something just for the thrill of it, but decided to head home and not freak out my wife (that I went into a store in heels - maybe next time). 

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10 hours ago, AJ777 said:

@RonC, that is my biggest fear is someone smart ass posting a hate photo on social media and people finding out. I am in a very public career and this is my fear. I go far away from home but sadly I always seem to run into someone that knows me.

Out of town trips may be the solution.... hope to try more

I used to be that way. Now fully in public but not at work other than under the desk. Been spotted and questioned a couple times at work. Simply said i used them as comfort shoes to relax and work on projects at the computer more focused this way. Many off hand heel remarks since, that i simply off hand reply to the overall subject and move on. I wear colorful heels to work everyday and place them on the passenger seat in plain sight for yrs now as well so I know everyone is aware. 

Factory requires steel toes in the plant so no heels there, besides i realize where i am so no wearing away from the desk as customers are often about. 

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4 hours ago, hiddenheels said:

Somewhat in a similar position, but I try to go far enough from home that my immediate neighbourhood will not find out. There's a danger that others who know me will see me, but at those times I take that risk. Otherwise I will be stuck at home only, which is no fun. Starting to focus more on potential trips, and trying to plan ahead... 

OUTING: Had a chance to try my new 5" ankle-boot (no platform) outside, along with another 5" ankle-boot (with 1" platform). It was in a suburban neighbourhood, and it was dark already.

My no-platform-boots, although they're size US9, I have no idea what kind of messed up sizing system they used, as US9 would be way too small and unworkable for me, but these shoes are a perfect fit with socks, and I mean 100% perfect, so comfortable. I don't think I've ever gone out in a 5" boot before, but I simply had to try these out. As usual, it was with long jeans covering most of the heels. Getting out of the car is getting less of an issue, and I am starting to not worry about that at all. Although I've worn heels this tall inside, outside turned out to be a challenge. Took me about 10 minutes to get used to it, and figure out how to handle the slopes on a sidewalk, and the ups and downs of driveway entrances. I didn't trip, ankles didn't go out, so am quite proud of myself. Walked around for ~30 minutes, and it was an amazing 30 minutes. Had some people walk by, but didn't care. Did get a small group of teenager guys walk my way for which I stopped and messed around with my phone until they passed. I didn't trust that situation. After 30 minutes of walking about, my feet didn't ache, my toes weren't crushed, I love these. Although the heels are higher than my usual, I'm surprised how well I did.

Before calling it quits, I had to try the other boots, so changed into them, and took a quick stroll. I don't know why, possibly because after 30 minutes with a 5" lift, wearing something with a 4" lift was child's play. I felt like I was wearing my sneakers, so comfortable, so easy to walk in. 

Overall, I had no issues, both new boots did great, and I'm super-happy. Before heading home I considered stopping by a grocery store or something just for the thrill of it, but decided to head home and not freak out my wife (that I went into a store in heels - maybe next time). 

Great job buddy!  It feels so liberating to wear the boots we love publicly...  Just be a little careful, try not to venture out in boots that you can not walk confidently in, tripping/stumbling/sore feet can cause a big set back...On the other hand, sure sounds like you handled your new boots with ease.  Confidence will increase with each trip, before you know it, you might even forget you are wearing boots while out and about...  Seems like you have made more progress in a few weeks than I have made in years....Good for you...Just be careful not to accidentally wear your boots home (forget to change them in the car)!  I almost did that once....

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Yes,great job @hiddenheels!! 

Your post is so similar to what I ( and many others here probably) have experienced. 

Same choice of a far enough location 

Same firt our side walk in the dark and hidden heels.

Same duration 

Same messing around with the phone if a group of guys is in sight. That is still the only situation I could be worried about 

Same feeling walking in flat just changing for 1" lower. 

Have fun ! Keep on posting ! 

Pierre 

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