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Out and about in heels!


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Hi Scrappy, Thanks for being so open and honest about a difficult situation.

Reading your post and the replies made me wonder if maybe your wife's outbursts go hand-in-hand with her efforts to bottle it up inside at other times (at a guess maybe for the good of the kids or even your relationship?). Vindictive actions can often be a cover for insecurity or feeling overwhelmed with a problem. I guess how you approach her depends if you still see a good person within her behind those public reactions.

The other impression I got is that your wife has a negative association with heels regardless of you wearing them. Does she think "tart!" when she sees another woman wearing heels or dressed nicely? Is it possible she doesn't feel positive about her own body image (media pressure often makes sure of that), which might make her jealous of other women or even of you... not necessarily the look, but even just envious of the self-confidence (not realising the years of inner turmoil it's taken to get there).

It's strange, us guys are usually the ones who are renowned for suppressing our feelings and being outwardly aggressive, but I guess sometimes "the shoe's on the other foot" so to speak.

Sorry if any of my comments are totally off the mark. I really wish you and your wife all the best for figuring things out.

If you like it, wear it.

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Well, I finally broke down and wore my heels out and about. Didn't get no comment'sI did get a few look's escpecially from one girl in an office store I went to she made it a point to come over and ta

scrappy, your grammer is so bad.

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Scrappy - - - Sorry to hear about your latest escapade. Most of the comments regarding this episode are pretty common and kinda on target although I have to wonder if some of this sentiment toward you isn't somewhat related to the general location. Given that you don't see many women out shopping where you do in heels, and the selections at all he stores do seem to aim more toward flat footwear, I'm not too surprised at the outcome. I was out at the mall recently (during the new car show show) and it was surprisingly crowded, but I only saw three women in anything close to a 3" and up heel, and all were boots under jeans. It's almost like the general mentality toward anyone in heels is negative. If you were shopping at one of the big malls toward the center or southern end of the state, it's completely different. I can walk through a crowded mall in 4" stacked heels, loud as hell, and not get a response. Maybe a couple double takes from those bored guys sitting on a bench, and a sales associate at Victoria Secret, but nobody seems to really care. Just a thought

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Not I noticed it right away but did not say anything then my wife noticed it. That's when all hell broke loose she started bitching and calling me a freak once again. The only problem was she did it in the restaurant with the people sitting there and she wasn't really quite about it. I just kept my cool we left shortly after they did. Are next stop was target. Now I was going to go in there mainly cause I wanted to look at there shoes. Anyway when my wife asked if was coming in I said nope why would I want to go anywhere with u since I am such a freak! And left it at that. Later that night I needed to stop by the St where I work and pick up my charger for my phone. I wore what I had on all day. Before I left she said are u wearing that I said yep and started out the door she then said i wouldn't wear something like that into the place where I work. I turned and looked at her and said that's right you wouldn't wear anything like this period and left. Went I and got my stuff had a good conversation with the crew that was in duty. Now most of the people I work with know I wear heels but this is the first time anyone of them have ever seen me in them. Nothing was said. I came home and went to bed. I am at the point now I. My life to where once my kids are grown up I may start looking for someone of the opposite sex that likes me for me and not what I wear.

Hate to say it fella, but your days with this wife are numbered. She thought she married a man (in her mind) and, instead, got a guy that liked to wear skirts and heels. You are really going to have to take another look at yourself and decide what is more important to you ... A continuing relationship with a woman that you married years ago and who happens to be the mother of your children, or your desire to wear high heels and woman's clothing. Apparently, from your description of her reaction to you in crossdress, even though she has made a valiant effort to try to accept you in your new persona, she can't handle it.

Women want MEN as their mates. You know, knight in shining armor; slay the dragon types and men that can match their ideals to carry on the species -- and, unhappily for some of us, their ideal image doesn't include a man wearing high heels and women's clothing.

it appears it's decision time........

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I have to agree with JNR. I think you need to make a choice. Certainly, you cannot blame her completely, as she just can't understand what happened to the guy she married. Imagine if she cut her hair real short, quit wearing makeup of any kind, and started dressing in three piece suits with wing tips in full guy mode. You'd likely be a bit aghast as well.

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well, from what I can see about this, it's really all about that "image" thing as stated by JNR your wife had certain preconceptions (like most women in society) about this "male" thing-it is all in the mind, when you think about it, I mean it is set like a program after a period of time I think about these things as time goes forward in society & my personal "theory" if you will is that when so much time has gone by, people may have forgotton the real reasons behind gender fashion rules in general, so much so that they make up their own reasons perhaps later on (not always remembered correctly) as to the why of it in the first place.

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Well I guess I should explain a little more. When I met my wife she was all about being the girly girl if that makes sense. She never hardly ever wore pants she always wore skirt and heels and what not. Her hair was shoulder length and she was into her style and fashion. Overtime and a few children that all changed. Now her hair is shorter and she really does not wear as much makeup like she use too. I have come to accept her for who she is. It all I feel come down to the fact that she is so worried about someone making fun of me that she feels that she needs to protect me. Even before we married she was like this and would get really upset when someone would make fun of me and I would not do anything about it. She would want me to try to start a fight with them and would get mad at me for "Not standing up to my self" I just look at it like this, I pick and choice my battles and will deal with thing's my way and that be that. I know the question will ask do I wear heels cause she does not wear them anymore to which I can say no! I wear heels cause I like the way they look. I guess I get fustriated with her because I have choicen to love her and accept her for who she is not who I want her to be I just wish she could do the same with me.

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Well I guess I should explain a little more. When I met my wife she was all about being the girly girl if that makes sense. She never hardly ever wore pants she always wore skirt and heels and what not. Her hair was shoulder length and she was into her style and fashion. Overtime and a few children that all changed. Now her hair is shorter and she really does not wear as much makeup like she use too. I have come to accept her for who she is. It all I feel come down to the fact that she is so worried about someone making fun of me that she feels that she needs to protect me. Even before we married she was like this and would get really upset when someone would make fun of me and I would not do anything about it. She would want me to try to start a fight with them and would get mad at me for "Not standing up to my self" I just look at it like this, I pick and choice my battles and will deal with thing's my way and that be that. I know the question will ask do I wear heels cause she does not wear them anymore to which I can say no! I wear heels cause I like the way they look. I guess I get fustriated with her because I have choicen to love her and accept her for who she is not who I want her to be I just wish she could do the same with me.

There it is right there. Relationships are supposed to be equal, not one person doing what they want and the other person not being allowed to. I'm not saying she should have to give in to your every desire, just like you don't have to give into hers, but calling you out for being a "freak" is completely uncalled for and she should apologize for it. COMPROMISE is the key word here. You've compromised and accepted with how she chooses to present herself and she (if the marriage is in fact 50-50) should have to do the same.

That being said I'm truly sorry for what you and your family are going through right now, and wish you all the luck to be able to rectify everything. I sincerely hope she isn't as close minded as she is coming off as, and is able to work with you to salvage your relationship.

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You are not alone scrappycoco. I had a similar outburst from my wife, early part of last year, but after our first heel meet together last November, for some reason she came around with a little acceptance, and near encouragement since we have enjoyed just recently dining out and going to movies in our high heel boots this winter. Our last few outings were planned in advance. Not that this is any solution but I found a good compromise with my wife, she would not mind my boots, as long as she was taken out to places she wants to go. That plan of course will not work for every relationship. I also agree with our members, that hopefully some sort of compromise can be reached. Hope things work out for you.

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Maybe she's perceiving mixed signals when you ignore public reactions (which she sees as weakness) but confront her reactions (which she sees as strength). From your perspective it's probably the opposite: it takes a lot of strength to be who you want to be regardless of public reactions, and maybe it's a moment of weakness when you get angry at her because she's important to you and her acceptance really means something to you. I guess what you both have in common is not living up to gender stereotypes, you because you're challenging them, and her because she was immersed in her femininity and now she feels like she's had to give that up. If you like wearing heels and skirts because it expresses a part of your identity, for her as a woman it must be a huge loss of identity to feel like she can't wear that girly stuff any more. Maybe she even feels a little resentment that you've been so accepting of her "decline" from the pinnacle of girliness, or feels like you've been more caught up in expressing your identity while hers has been slipping away. I definitely don't think you should start freaking out at the public to (supposedly) show strength, or that your wife should return to her teenage wardrobe to feel girly again. But if you could persuade her that inner strength is more important than letting anger get the better of you, and remind her that she's more of a goddess now than she's ever been, maybe that could be a basis to bring you closer together and find a solution?

If you like it, wear it.

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.... because she was immersed in her femininity and now she feels like she's had to give that up. ... as a woman it must be a huge loss of identity to feel like she can't wear that girly stuff any more. .

Thank you SleekHeels, this is far better said than I could have done.

Scrappy, even if you say that you don't wear heels because she doesn't, I am sure you hoped that your recent small attemps to improve your look and fashion could trigger her interest in girly fashion.

Don't forget that women need time, and courage, to be girly.

The best I can do for my wife to help her keep her feminity is to assume more chores thus letting her more time. We find time for more sophisticated outfits by rearranging and exchanging tasks in our two agendas, not only hers.

If I want to take more care of myself, I know I can ask her to do her part so that I have more time. This goes both ways.

Cheers

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She would get really upset when someone would make fun of me and I would not do anything about it. She would want me to try to start a fight with them and would get mad at me for "Not standing up to my self"

Ok I had not finished thinking this part through. There is more about it.

Most women wear heels because they feel more attractive ... to men.

So a few questions in a wife's head (or worse, by her friends):

Who are you trying to attract with your heels and skirts ?

Are you willing to be publicly humiliated ? Already met someone ? Domina ?

Nightmarish.

I couldn't sleep.

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I still think that a compromise must be struck. Compromises come with concessions on both sides. It's obviously a bit much to expect the wife to blindly accept your wearing of skirts, hose, and heels while with her in public. I dare say that most women wouldn't go for this. I know my wife wouldn't. It probably wouldn't have been an issue when you first met. Had you been wearing the same outfit she probably wouldn't have been interested in the first place. That's what makes springing such interests so tough after the fact. I still say it's going to come down to a consession on your side or a seperation. From my perspective, you've got some real thinking to do. I hope you find happiness. Charlie

Everything I say is a lie!.......I'm lying

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  • 7 months later...

Well I figured I would up date on my most recent outing. I have been out quite a few time's in heels but I have kind of went a way from skirts and heels. It's a look I just feel I pull off well as a male. I have however went a way from wearing mens jeans and for the most only wear womens jeans. I have been out all over the area dressed how a please and not a bad issue at all. I have gotten to the point where wearing heels is a non issue for me anymore. I go where ever I want and wear whatever heels I want. My most recent outfit I choice to wear a pair of dark washed women's low rise boot cut jeans, suntan hose, black patent seilleto pump's, light purple shirt and with the urgining of a few from here i pair it with my black mens blazer. My outing was brief as I only had to stop at an law office. I had to drop some items off to them. Didn't really get any comment's did get a few looks but other than that the interaction with the staff was like normal. I though I looked great in my oppinion. here is a picture of what I wore. let me know thought's or idea's.

post-18403-133522959024_thumb.jpg

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Much better look with the jacket, I like that, but check out the collar of you shirt in the photo. What's going on there?

Shafted, the boots that is! View my gallery here http://www.hhplace.o...afteds-gallery/ or view my heeling thread here http://www.hhplace.org/topic/3850-new-pair-of-boots-starts-me-serious-street-heeling/ - Pm me if you want fashion advice or just need someone to talk to.

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Impressive, my friend! That's a sharp outfit you sported. Bravo!

I don't want to LOOK like a woman, I just want to DRESS like a woman!

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I know that a lot of people in here have done things more daring than this but, here's my experience from yesterday: I had to go to a public auction in Epsom, south of London. It takes about one hour from my place between trains and buses and I thought there would have been some people there, not too many I thought, and I took the decision of going in my 3" block heel boots. I wear them under my jeans so they are not very noticeable, but the clicking is pretty loud as the heel is empty and the shape of the boot is clearly not masculine. I was going with my Girlfriend, who said I looked very elegant in my suit jacket, red shirt, bootcut dark blue jeans and boots. At the station I had a few looks from some 20-something girls that probably heard the clicking or noticed the way I was walking. Nobody said anything at all. Getting to Epsom was a little scarier because it's a small town and I wasn't sure of how people would react to something different if they notices, but nobody said a word. Actually I think nobody really noticed. Then the auction: the "few people" were several hundreds in a huge reception room with a hard tiles floor. Also the chairs were finished and I had to stand for about 3 hours. I am sure somobody noticed the heels because it was impossible not to hear the click and I also started turning my feet on my heels to relax one foot a time. Not a very masculine movement. We also had to wait for another hour in a queue on the stairs to pay for our goods at the end of the auction. Once again I guess somebody noticed. Well, nobody during the day said anything at all. My feet were killing me after all that standing but I was absolutely satisfied and I am now much more confident than ever about going out with some heels on!

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Well I figured I would up date on my most recent outing. I have been out quite a few time's in heels but I have kind of went a way from skirts and heels. It's a look I just feel I pull off well as a male. I have however went a way from wearing mens jeans and for the most only wear womens jeans. I have been out all over the area dressed how a please and not a bad issue at all. I have gotten to the point where wearing heels is a non issue for me anymore. I go where ever I want and wear whatever heels I want. My most recent outfit I choice to wear a pair of dark washed women's low rise boot cut jeans, suntan hose, black patent seilleto pump's, light purple shirt and with the urgining of a few from here i pair it with my black mens blazer.

My outing was brief as I only had to stop at an law office. I had to drop some items off to them. Didn't really get any comment's did get a few looks but other than that the interaction with the staff was like normal. I though I looked great in my oppinion. here is a picture of what I wore. let me know thought's or idea's.

Congratulations on your outing and your outfit. Your positive attitude toward wearing high heels in public is definitely an asset.

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I know that a lot of people in here have done things more daring than this but, here's my experience from yesterday:

I had to go to a public auction in Epsom, south of London. It takes about one hour from my place between trains and buses and I thought there would have been some people there, not too many I thought, and I took the decision of going in my 3" block heel boots. I wear them under my jeans so they are not very noticeable, but the clicking is pretty loud as the heel is empty and the shape of the boot is clearly not masculine.

I was going with my Girlfriend, who said I looked very elegant in my suit jacket, red shirt, bootcut dark blue jeans and boots.

At the station I had a few looks from some 20-something girls that probably heard the clicking or noticed the way I was walking. Nobody said anything at all. Getting to Epsom was a little scarier because it's a small town and I wasn't sure of how people would react to something different if they notices, but nobody said a word. Actually I think nobody really noticed.

Then the auction: the "few people" were several hundreds in a huge reception room with a hard tiles floor. Also the chairs were finished and I had to stand for about 3 hours. I am sure somobody noticed the heels because it was impossible not to hear the click and I also started turning my feet on my heels to relax one foot a time. Not a very masculine movement.

We also had to wait for another hour in a queue on the stairs to pay for our goods at the end of the auction. Once again I guess somebody noticed.

Well, nobody during the day said anything at all. My feet were killing me after all that standing but I was absolutely satisfied and I am now much more confident than ever about going out with some heels on!

Well done, every outing in heels, no matter how high takes a certain amount of courage and confidence. People will realise what you are wearing but 99% won't say a thing and it would only be an issue if we make it so.

I think we have to accept these stares and that some are disapproving but do they effect us - no. Keep it up our numbers are growing.

High heels are the shoes I choose to put on, respect my choice as I repect yours.

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Well done, every outing in heels, no matter how high takes a certain amount of courage and confidence. People will realise what you are wearing but 99% won't say a thing and it would only be an issue if we make it so.

I think we have to accept these stares and that some are disapproving but do they effect us - no. Keep it up our numbers are growing.

I do a lot of people watching when out in the world. One thing I have noticed is people will look at you no matter what just that simple. I see my wife do this all the time looking at guy and gals. She will ask me my thought's on things and I try not to say anything that I wouldn't want said about me. Like I said in post before there are just certain thing's that don't look right on certain people period, but if you like it and feel comfortable in it go for it. It's your life not mine just that simple.

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Well done, every outing in heels, no matter how high takes a certain amount of courage and confidence. People will realise what you are wearing but 99% won't say a thing and it would only be an issue if we make it so.

I've been saying that very thing for years, and that is the biggest truth out there regarding our unique passion. We have maybe a second to make an impression in a person's mind when they see us in heels, I feel it's important to make that impression a positive one by both the way we look and the way we conduct ourselves.

I don't want to LOOK like a woman, I just want to DRESS like a woman!

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...I was going with my Girlfriend...

I'm sure some would debate this, but I think if you're out with a woman (and better if it's a wife or girlfriend), I think there's a lot more you can get away with. There are different standards for:

- a guy all alone

- a guy with other guys

- a guy out with women

Alone or with someone, you'll probably still get some looks (especially if, as you said, you have a 'noisy' pair of heels). But in terms of having someone 'get in your face', or worse case, accost you because 'you are different', I really doubt that would happen if you are with a woman.

But regardless of that, still congratulations on your outing.

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I'm sure some would debate this, but I think if you're out with a woman (and better if it's a wife or girlfriend), I think there's a lot more you can get away with. There are different standards for:

- a guy all alone

- a guy with other guys

- a guy out with women

Alone or with someone, you'll probably still get some looks (especially if, as you said, you have a 'noisy' pair of heels). But in terms of having someone 'get in your face', or worse case, accost you because 'you are different', I really doubt that would happen if you are with a woman.

But regardless of that, still congratulations on your outing.

I can't say you're wrong but I think this changes depending on where you are.

I've used the same boots going around alone one whole afternoon. I went to pick up my GF from work but that means walking for 10 minutes in a crowded road in Clapham, London, and taking a bus. Same boots means that they were still noisy but I didn't get many looks and the few ones were from girls about 20 years old.

I've never worn heels with guys only but I definitely will at a birthday at the end of november. We're going downtown london but I can already predict that nobody will care (we're going near Soho that is the gay area of London where is very common to see trannies or drag queens).

So, again, I am coming to thing that in London no one cares. As you say, you might get some stares but they will forget about you in no time, and you about them.

I have to admit that a few years back, before thinking of going out in heels, I would've looked at a man in women's shoes in the way you say. I would have judged (being wrong) him on the ability to attract a girl thinking that heels would have taken that from him. Now I know that I would've been wrong and I'm pretty confident that less people than we might think will actually have an opinion on us men in heels.

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London clearly is a very 'safe' place to go out in heels at any time of the day due to the diverse population and anything goes attitude. Well it ether be as I am there next week for two days and may even be wearing my five inch heels to the theatre dependant on how tired my feet are after a whole day shopping in my four inchers.

High heels are the shoes I choose to put on, respect my choice as I repect yours.

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  • 1 month later...

Well I figure it's time to give a update on my most recent outing. I decied to go out and about with the family. Are first stop was Big Lot's. While in the store I bumped into my late uncle's girlfriend. I am not sure if she seen my heels or not. I tried to keep them hidden for the most part. After we where done talking as I was walking around I noticed another guy in heeled boots. This is the first time that I have been out and about in my area and seen someone else in heels. It was a good outing I don't think anyone noticed I was wearing heels. I am now to a point where I wear heels when I want and where I want. I will try to keep everyone posted on my trips.

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Seeing another guy in heels may indicate that guys in heels is becoming more common. Many of us have not had the opportunity to see another guy in heels. Nice to see you have found your comfort level scrappy.

Shafted, the boots that is! View my gallery here http://www.hhplace.o...afteds-gallery/ or view my heeling thread here http://www.hhplace.org/topic/3850-new-pair-of-boots-starts-me-serious-street-heeling/ - Pm me if you want fashion advice or just need someone to talk to.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I reported recently (see http://www.hhplace.org/290682-post195.html) some progress with streetheeling in my boots from Evans (3.5”) and Priceless (4”), both of which are quite wearable in public under longish bootcut jeans. I have yet to go out in a normal daylight situation in the 4” boots (although that will doubtless happen soon!) but have worn the Evans 'cowboy' boots several times when supermarket shopping in the daytime – a supermarket provides a good and fairly anonymous venue for discreet heeling with probably a minimal risk of physical difficulty or any awkward or unpleasant encounters.

On my last such outing locally (early Friday afternoon), I walked towards the store entrance quite confidently and comfortably. A middle-aged woman leaving the store turned into my path and walked directly towards me from about 20 feet away. She immediately glanced down at my feet and then up into my face; her look was somewhat penetrating as we passed. I walked on and didn’t look back to see if she was observing me from behind but I was (and am) curious as to whether she noticed my heels and, if so, what her reaction was. Thinking about it, I am very doubtful that she could have seen anything from the front; my jeans concealed nearly all of the boot heel and the only thing that would indicate that I was wearing high heels would be my slightly slower gait with shorter steps – a stroll more than a determined walk but hardly unusual for an unhurried shopper.

Perhaps I am being too sensitive – or maybe she likes to look at people’s feet and shoes (a curious habit that!), or perhaps she has a well-tuned high-heel radar? I wasn’t worried by the encounter; although I was trying to be fairly inconspicuous, I was quite happy for my heels to be ‘noticed’ – indeed, I almost hoped they might be as it would vindicate my courage in wearing them publicly. My only concerns are that I am not regarded or assailed in some unpleasant way, especially if I am recognised. But I guess that most of us feel like that, although some will be quite happy to push the boundaries in terms of footwear style, exposure or occasion. Next week's excursion: pink 5.5” stiletto sandals with shorts? Perhaps not!

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I reported recently (see http://www.hhplace.org/290682-post195.html) some progress with streetheeling in my boots from Evans (3.5”) and Priceless (4”), both of which are quite wearable in public under longish bootcut jeans. I have yet to go out in a normal daylight situation in the 4” boots (although that will doubtless happen soon!) but have worn the Evans 'cowboy' boots several times when supermarket shopping in the daytime – a supermarket provides a good and fairly anonymous venue for discreet heeling with probably a minimal risk of physical difficulty or any awkward or unpleasant encounters.

On my last such outing locally (early Friday afternoon), I walked towards the store entrance quite confidently and comfortably. A middle-aged woman leaving the store turned into my path and walked directly towards me from about 20 feet away. She immediately glanced down at my feet and then up into my face; her look was somewhat penetrating as we passed. I walked on and didn’t look back to see if she was observing me from behind but I was (and am) curious as to whether she noticed my heels and, if so, what her reaction was. Thinking about it, I am very doubtful that she could have seen anything from the front; my jeans concealed nearly all of the boot heel and the only thing that would indicate that I was wearing high heels would be my slightly slower gait with shorter steps – a stroll more than a determined walk but hardly unusual for an unhurried shopper.

Perhaps I am being too sensitive – or maybe she likes to look at people’s feet and shoes (a curious habit that!), or perhaps she has a well-tuned high-heel radar? I wasn’t worried by the encounter; although I was trying to be fairly inconspicuous, I was quite happy for my heels to be ‘noticed’ – indeed, I almost hoped they might be as it would vindicate my courage in wearing them publicly. My only concerns are that I am not regarded or assailed in some unpleasant way, especially if I am recognised. But I guess that most of us feel like that, although some will be quite happy to push the boundaries in terms of footwear style, exposure or occasion. Next week's excursion: pink 5.5” stiletto sandals with shorts? Perhaps not!

I'd have winked at her. lol

Charlie

Everything I say is a lie!.......I'm lying

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I'd have winked at her. lol

Charlie

What??? In public??? :wave: Ah - winked - (I must get new glasses!) :smile:

(I wasn't concerned by her apparent observation, only puzzled that she was in a position to notice, if indeed she did.)

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