The Adventures of kneehighs...

[Shafted]

I kinda have to agree with the remark of ILK about homophobia. I've never actually met anyone who was actually homophobic. I've met a few people who didn't like homosexuals, but fear of them was never in the equation. From my own observations, homophobia by it's definition does not exist.

[Steve63130]

I have a friend who lived in San Francisco who wore pantyhose with shorts and sneakers out one day and was badly beaten up by a gang of kids right in front of his own home. He was almost killed, and it took months of therapy for him to recover from that event, which fortunately he did. Events like these are rare, fortunately, but just because you've never been a victim doesn't mean you can't or won't be someday. All I'm saying is don't get too complacent and let your guard down. We don't want to hear stories about how members here became victims of violence because a gang of drunken thugs didn't like their appearance. Steve

[kneehighs]

I have a friend who lived in San Francisco who wore pantyhose with shorts and sneakers out one day and was badly beaten up by a gang of kids right in front of his own home. He was almost killed, and it took months of therapy for him to recover from that event, which fortunately he did. Events like these are rare, fortunately, but just because you've never been a victim doesn't mean you can't or won't be someday. All I'm saying is don't get too complacent and let your guard down. We don't want to hear stories about how members here became victims of violence because a gang of drunken thugs didn't like their appearance.

Steve

Wow, was this an act of bigotry, a true hate crime instigated specifically because of his pantyhose and shorts? Or was this a crime committed just people the guys were horrific to begin with? While I feel for your friend and hope he was able to to receive proper legal justice and hopefully has the internal fortitude to inspire others through this adversity, my point is that people can be violent wherever in the world you go, regardless of the clothes you wear.

I contend the problem is not so much with his clothing as it with the predisposition of the men who accosted him to be violent to begin with.

Given this world view which you are free to reject, my attitude towards my safety doesn't change whether I wear heels or not. The same decison making processes still apply with regards to neighborhoods and venues.

[Steve63130]

The thugs were never caught so we'll never know what prompted their actions. What you are saying makes sense, and I don't reject your world view. I embrace it. You need to be careful wherever you go, no matter what you are wearing. And I agree that you shouldn't let fear dictate what you wear. Steve

[Gudulitooo]

You need to be careful [...]

Steve

I hope I don't interfere too much in your discussion guys. I personnally don't agree when people make themselves in danger and then have to be rescued with the community's ressources, such as off-piste skiers, etc. But here, it is completely different. The one that deserves to be blamed and sermonned are the violent guys instead of KH imho. In some countries girls must remain covered not to attract the attention of guys, and are "sermonned" to say the least when the guys lose control.

Fear of the reactions is not the way to educate kids.

[kneehighs]

If I ever was to reorganize another heel meet (I organized 4 consecutive World Heel Meets starting HERE in 2006), I'd probably seek to expand the benefits to include charity and the possible inclusion of the broader general public, such as this guy @ivancitogualva did in Los Angeles, CA.

He organized a party with the Men In Heels theme. Click HERE or check out the first image below.

This party at a club was created for Domestic Violence Awareness, as the flier reads and his second instagram post specifies. Click HERE to see the original instagram post and/or see the second image below.

The value of this type of party would transcend the limitations of hhplace.

--Conversations could go, "I actually enjoy wearing these heels anyhow" and awareness would increase.

--charity would benefit

--who knows, maybe a local shoe shop would donate the shoes for charity. The options are virtually limitless.

Somehow I doubt I'll be doing this, but if I do....

[Impala]

When has that event happened? If something like that would happen in my area, I would definitely go, but I think it's more likely to happen in Los Angeles than in my boring and conservative Belgium. We haven't got these BIG cities where you can do anything.

[kneehighs]

When has that event happened? If something like that would happen in my area, I would definitely go, but I think it's more likely to happen in Los Angeles than in my boring and conservative Belgium. We haven't got these BIG cities where you can do anything.

The fact that you don't have those "BIG" cities is first off all relative. I wore heels for 4 straight days while meeting new people in Brussels, which according to a 2013 CIA World Fact Book has nearly 2 million people in it. Antwerp has around 1 million. According to THIS report, Brussels is larger than Stockholm, Amsterdam, and Copenhagen. And we all know those three cities are safe to heel in.

Futhermore, Shafted lives in Skowhegan, Maine. Thighbootguy lives in the Cincinatti, Ohio area. Both heel safely with no problems.

The fact is that using the size of your city to avoid heeling is really just an excuse. In many cases, some common prudence about what neighborhood you heel in is as well as what venue you choose is enough to assure a safe external environment for heeling. Enjoy.

[bluejay]

Well said, kneehighs! Happy Heeling, bluejay

[malinheels]

Yo Kneehighs that would be great as a party like that may just bring some of those guys who are to timid to do it alone i just got back from Sydney yesterday and had a great day in the Harbour city in heels check out my post in real life meetings cheers malinheels

[kneehighs]

SHAME AS THE ROOT OF FEAR OF PUBLIC HEELING.

Roosevelt is famous for saying "all we have to fear is fear itself." I think Roosevelt was wrong. I say "all we have to fear is shame itself" for shame is the core cause of fear.

Shame is the core emotion that causes us to hide our true self from others. Shame is the core emotion that causes us to hide our true self from ourself. And shame is the core emotion that causes us to hide our true self from our higher power.

In his book Healing the Shame that Binds You, John Bradshaw states,

"A person gives up responsibility for some of his or her actions by identification with a socially approved norm of behavior. When
this happens, the individual...feels little guilt when orders are executed from that collective will which, in fact, may go against his or her own personal norm of conduct."

So what's the solution to shame then? Psychologists argue there is no solution. Albert Ellis developed the REBT model of rationalizing events. Former President of the American Psychological Association Martin Seligman expounded on Ellis's REBT model by creating Learned Optimism. Both are improvements over BF Skinner's take on Stimulus-Response theory in which removed man's free choice from the equation. One could argue reconditioning our feelings based on Pavlovian Conditioning is the solution. Move to a country like Japan that doesn't see beauty as sex specific?

Personally, I have my own solution. What's yours?

[heels59]

I'm very interested in this conversation. I'd like to extend it a bit by asking whether shame isn't a tool of the conscience. If we destroy or ignore shame, do we risk disarming the conscience?

[Thighbootguy]

I recently heard a discussion where shame was described as societies’ most inexpensive technique for social control. There is generally very little monetary expenditure involved in shaming someone. However, the commentator also noted that for shame to work, the shame has to be accepted! His example was when a collogue posted a fictitious quotation on the departmental bulletin board, supposedly from a recent controversial publication of the commentator. The intention was to draw shame on the commentator. As it turned out the commentator thought the quote was great, framed it and hung it in his office. Confidence is the antidote for shame. If you are confident in your actions/presentation/thoughts… it is difficult for you to accept shame for them (hence difficult or anyone to shame you for them). Heels59 does ask a significant question, “If we destroy or ignore shame, do we risk disarming the conscience?” History is full of people that society thinks should have been ashamed of what they did, but they were confident in their actions and kept going. Sometimes these actions changed the social attitudes but more often the results were disastrous. I think confidence is a good thing, but there can be too much of any good thing. Many of societies’ “rules” are based on something reasonable, so when you bucking them (and inviting shame) at least give it some thought. If shame universally worked, there would be no individuals. And, as dangerous as individuals are to society, consider what a boring place this would be without them. Kneehighs, thanks for getting me thinking about this.

[Heelster]

I kinda have to agree with the remark of ILK about homophobia. I've never actually met anyone who was actually homophobic. I've met a few people who didn't like homosexuals, but fear of them was never in the equation. From my own observations, homophobia by it's definition does not exist.

I can understand ILK's points, but at times I wonder. I have to say that I don't believe some of the people around me 'fear' homosexuals, but they do seem to despise them with a passion, and they are not bashful about it.

Your lucky if you have not observed homophobic charactoristics. I on the other hand see it regularly, although I am seeing s slight shift in the mentallity lately.

(Spell check not working this morning- - Hmmmm)

[Steve63130]

What I don't like about shame is how it is overused by the clergy and religious zealots to force their idea of morality on others. Shame is in the eye of the beholder, true, but how it's defined is also in the eye of the person causing or pointing it out. The oft-quoted Biblical verse in Deuteronomy about a male not wearing a woman's garment is a good example. Is what was decreed three thousand years ago still relevant today? Times and circumstances change. Our definitions of what constitutes shame need to change also. Steve

[SleekHeels]

I think the key is to not be ashamed of shame.

[kneehighs]

I'm very interested in this conversation. I'd like to extend it a bit by asking whether shame isn't a tool of the conscience. If we destroy or ignore shame, do we risk disarming the conscience?

Conscience can both defend and accuse you, depending from person to person over space (geographic location) time (1000's or 2000's) and culture. But this isn't purely an intellectual discussion.

...Confidence is the antidote for shame. If you are confident in your actions/presentation/thoughts… it is difficult for you to accept shame for them (hence difficult or anyone to shame you for them).

Agreed. Confidence can be one antidote for shame. Like stated above, there are multiple pathways to alleviating shame's power, but they are all circular and lead back to the same start point.

Heels59 does ask a significant question' date=' “If we destroy or ignore shame, do we risk disarming the conscience?”[/quote']

The saying "harden your heart" applies to the conscience as well. What we abhor at the start we can eventually with repeated exposure learn to approve.

Kneehighs, thanks for getting me thinking about this.

Your welcome!

What I don't like about shame is how it is overused by the clergy and religious zealots to force their idea of morality on others. Shame is in the eye of the beholder, true, but how it's defined is also in the eye of the person causing or pointing it out. The oft-quoted Biblical verse in Deuteronomy about a male not wearing a woman's garment is a good example. Is what was decreed three thousand years ago still relevant today? Times and circumstances change. Our definitions of what constitutes shame need to change also.

Steve

I think when we start to lose the distinction between the SEXES, both for ourselves and others, is when "crossdressing" becomes a shame based issue. For it's at that point at which we seek to alter our bodies that deception to both self and others occurs. Just my two cents.

I think the key is to not be ashamed of shame.

Shame will never disappear from our lives until we are dead, unfortunately. We can attempt any spin on our conscience we want, but we'll always be subject to it's effects. Some more than others.

I think the lack of shame in Sweden, as contrasted to the USA, is one of the reasons I like the country so much. Compared to the US, Sweden is much more open to gender fluidity, so guys in heels are more readily no big deal out there.

[Curt]

Its all in our heads. I feel self concious when I walk through the mall in all girls clothes, then all of a sudden, I walk past a mirror and look into it. I look really good, and then don't concern myself of others looking at me. I'm sure girls get negative looks as well.

[kneehighs]

Its all in our heads. I feel self concious when I walk through the mall in all girls clothes, then all of a sudden, I walk past a mirror and look into it. I look really good, and then don't concern myself of others looking at me. I'm sure girls get negative looks as well.

Shame isn't actually "all in your head". Shame often finds it's originas from socially constructed stereotypes, family constructed values, social circle values, and changes from within the same person over time.

....

Confidence is the antidote for shame. If you are confident in your actions/presentation/thoughts… it is difficult for you to accept shame for them (hence difficult or anyone to shame you for them).

...

In the book The Shame Response to Rejection, Thomas in the introduction states what you can read about accepting one another as the antidote for shame.

I think this just illustrates the inescapability of shame from our daily lives as there are an infinite number of schools of thought on how to battle shame.

[SleekHeels]

In the book The Shame Response to Rejection, Thomas in the introduction states what you can read about accepting one another as the antidote for shame.

That could almost imply that shame can be the catalyst for accepting others, although that relies on a degree of empathy. Unfortunately many small-minded people inflict shame on others to make themselves feel bigger. They should be ashamed of shaming others.

[Steve63130]

In the end it all boils down to tolerance of other people who are different or don't fall into nice neat pigeonholes that we've constructed to categorize our observations. While none of us may like every fashion that comes along, we ought at least to elevate ourselves not to denigrate it just because we don't like it. If we can turn it around and be constructive in our criticism, supported by some rationale, that's a much better approach. And with more exposure, who knows? We might start to like it. For example, I never liked wedges, but I'm starting to warm up to them. I might actually like them in the future, probably about the time they fall out of favor! lol Steve

[Gudulitooo]

Kneeighs, your posts about shame are really thought provoking. Mine are a bit more prosaïc than what others posted above but here they are. At first I wore heels only for myself, choosing neutral styles and trying to hide them under long pants. You can say it was only a kind of fetish and the desire to experience the feeling. Now I am more interested in presenting a nice sight for the passer by to see, and I think at complete outfits. I even changed my "all male" outfits to add more color. You could say I am in the exhibitionist phase. On a different level, I understood why heeling in the grocery store was easier than everywhere else. It is mainly because the public there is constitued of 90% women. Many wear heels. And each woman has her personal style, with huge style differences from one to another, which render them more accepting of a guy wearing an "out of the norm" style. And most of all, nearly every customer is alone, so they have nobody to comment or giggle with. But when I go in a more male environment, looking at them, gathered in small groups with similar attire, makes me feel different ... and maybe ashamed.

[kneehighs]

The following article found in Smithsonian Magazine When Did Girls Start Wearing Pink is probably the single best historically documented resource I've ever found that proves the concept of clothing as masculine or feminine is absolutely socially constructed.

 

I reordered some of the photos the article includes so they appear in strict chronological order, beginning with a photo from 1870 and ending with a Boy Paper Doll from 1920.  The second photo is a photo of FDR taken in NYC approximately around 1884.

 

This is article provides conclusive evidence that gender which revolves around clothing is totally socially constructed.

[Steve63130]

Good find, Kneehighs! Thanks for bringing the article to our attention. It ought to be standard required reading for anybody looking at us heelers in disdain. "Odd" is in the eye of the beholder. What's odd to us now was socially accepted convention in the past. It applies not only to children's clothing, the subject of the article, but to men wearing high heels, stockings, tights, skirts, powedered wigs, satin, jewelry, cosmetics, brightly colored fabrics, and lace, all of which were once worn proudly by men.

 

Steve

[fashionablefun]

What I find interesting, Kneehighs, is the attribution to the advertising industry, of which I'm a part: The rise of consumerism directed at children making them "the subjects of persuasive and sophisticated advertising that tends to reinforce social conventions. So they think, for example, that what makes someone female is long hair and a dress." Conventions become standardized when media is ubiquitous. Some independent thinking, outside conventional media norms, by parents (and society) would help. 

[JeffB]

Hey there, kneehighs! That was an absolutely fascinating piece which made for fascinating, insightful reading.

[saudade]

So normally I hate these adventure posts, but it looks like kneehighs posts are interesting.

 

http://blog.seattlepi.com/seattlearts/2013/10/15/fashion-the-french-revolution-and-a-masculinity-in-continual-crisis/

 

Food for thought, its rather covered in feminist phrasing as a forewarning but worth a quick read. I never really thought of the effects of the french revolution upon western dress. Or at least the impact it had.

[Steve63130]

Good article, but not an easy read. Nevertheless, don't let the highly academic vocabulary scare you from reading it. The best part is the the last, where it pertains to the fashion that interests us here.

 

Steve

[kneehighs]

Albert Einstein in open toe pumps?

 

http://www.transadvocate.com/einsteins-fabulous-footwear.htm

[ilikekicks]

He ( Einstein ) was rocking the short pants/crops/capris long before modern women!