Advice Needed Please

[blacksmith25]

Hi everyone. I know I haven't posted on this site in quite some time. I would like to get your thoughts on a situation. Do you guys think or believe that wearing heels or doing anything for that matter or the opposite sex have taken away your masculinity in any way? I was told that people don't understand why I wear heels because they feminize me and why would I want to do that. My take on the situation is I don't put labels on things and I normally ask the girls that have questioned me why do they wear what they wear and why aren't they questioned about it normally I can't get a direct answer from them on why they wear what they wear but it's okay to take away my masculinity because of something that I wear or put on my body. I know that for a long time things were said to be a certain way and it's still believed to be that way today I get that. I'm kind of getting off of topic because my initial question is do you feel like you are less masculine because of what you wear??

[SF]

no..

[blacksmith25]

Simple no I like it thanks for answering

[JeffB]

As someone who not only wears heels but skirts, I don't feel so much as a fraction less masculine. I seriously doubt women feel they're not feminine when wearing jeans and Timberlands, so why should the opposite hold true for us as heelers? That's just bunk, plain and simple. The important thing is to feel confident about what you choose to wear and to not worry or care about how others perceive you.

[hoverfly]

It takes balls to do what we do!

[dww]

I must say I feel no different than normal in heels or not. Just something I have enjoyed all my life cannot tell you why though must have been born with it.

[Rockbass19]

I wear them because I like them and I like the look I present.  While I am trying to be different, I'm not trying to be feminine.  I'm just being me...  

[Thighmax]

The only person that can take your masculinity away is yourself.  A lot of people can talk and say that you look more feminine, but as always, that's pure talk.

 

That being said, I do believe that we have both masculine and feminine parts to ourselves, I don't have any problem with having more of a feminine side than someone else.  I like to have balance in my life and it helps me see things from different perspective.  

 

That's only my opinion.  I only wish I could have the courage to use my high heeled boots in public.

 

Have a good one.

[SF]

Mr. Blacksmith…   You are welcome..  Sometimes a short answer is the best.  Take care and  have fun.  sf

[blacksmith25]

Thank you all for the advice. I haven't really had many people try to fully understand me but that's okay I just don't like the fact that they try to be my friend but quickly label me while contradicting their own self in the process.. I don't feel emasculated at all. It's just the people today still amaze me on how they are so quick to place labels on things they actually don't really know why they do it. Thank you all for the great straight forward advice

Another question for you guys. I have been reading everyone's threads and experiences over the years and they really helped me with not feeling so alone in the world and gained alot of confidence to just be myself. So what I want to ask is in your lives have anyone ever told you guys that you should seek some sort of therapy? because obviously the world doesn't make anything easy. Many occasions I was told that I should talk to someone about this situation and for a while now I haven't considered it because there isn't anything wrong with me granted I do have a bit of a problem getting my feelings out because I was raised to handle my problems on my own I never ask for help I always listen to everyone else and help them out so I never really took the time to worry about myself. Now that I have a child and my situations are becoming alot bigger I still have this problem with speaking up because I am used to be the strong one the helper having the answers. So now I have tried numerous times to reach out to friends and family but it just doesn't seem to do the job and I'm wondering since I've been so stubborn all this time and not talking made it so I would have to seek some sort of professional help or what your thoughts would be greatly appreciated

Another question for you guys. I have been reading everyone's threads and experiences over the years and they really helped me with not feeling so alone in the world and gained alot of confidence to just be myself. So what I want to ask is in your lives have anyone ever told you guys that you should seek some sort of therapy? because obviously the world doesn't make anything easy. Many occasions I was told that I should talk to someone about this situation and for a while now I haven't considered it because there isn't anything wrong with me granted I do have a bit of a problem getting my feelings out because I was raised to handle my problems on my own I never ask for help I always listen to everyone else and help them out so I never really took the time to worry about myself. Now that I have a child and my situations are becoming alot bigger I still have this problem with speaking up because I am used to be the strong one the helper having the answers. So now I have tried numerous times to reach out to friends and family but it just doesn't seem to do the job and I'm wondering since I've been so stubborn all this time and not talking made it so I would have to seek some sort of professional help or what your thoughts would be greatly appreciated

Sorry when I wrote the last message it didn't come out that way until I sent it sent twice for some reason. But I hope you guys can understand it

[Bubba136]

Professional help doesn't do anything to alter the desire or "want" to wear high heels. Treatment might able one to "quit" the practice for a few weeks or even months but the desire never will leave you. And, after a length of time, you will start wearing again. Having conversed with many wearers over the years, some whom were in their mid 70's, and all tell me that the desire never goes away no matter how much they want it to.

But, each one of us is different and should you really want to stop, your experience might be totally different.

[freestyle75]

 

Do you guys think or believe that wearing heels or doing anything for that matter or the opposite sex have taken away your masculinity in any way?

 

Let me ask you a question: Do you think that a women wearing trousers has taken away her femininity in any way?

If the answer is yes, then the answer to the question you asked should also be yes. Otherwise: No.

 

Guys wearing pink shirts were unthinkable 20 years ago (or being seen as gay). Nowadays, that color is just as available as blue, white or black. 20 years back, a guy wearing a pink shirt would have been seen as beeing "feminine", nowadays, he is just a guy wearing a pink shirt.

 

Although I don't think that I will still experience it in my lifetime, I just think that guys wearing heels are a bit ahead of their time.

 

Do you look "more feminine" to the average John Doe on the street? Yes. Undoubtedly so.

But does it really matter?

 

Do you hurt anyone? No (as long as nobody makes fun of your kid because of your heels, then you have to consider that you hurt your kid's feelings).

 

If you would die tomorrow and would have never had worn heels (and done the other stuff that's on your list) - would you regret it?

 

Personally, I am not doing anything wrong when wearing heels. Or a kilt. Or something that might be considered "off" compared to regular menswear.

But I am not hurting anyone and it's also legal. It's not like the guy (or gal) that removed the four hub cabs from my BMW's winter tires while it was standing in front of my apartment this weekend. They are gone...

 

In a nutshell: Masculinity is what you make out of it. You don't have to be a Schwarzenegger to still feel masculine while wearing heels.

[Bassheels]

I don't feel feminine when wearing heels. I'm a man who likes to wear heels, simple as. I like shoes & boots as opposed to sandals & it took me a while to work out that it's heels I'm into, not dresses. I didn't really wear them out in public until I'd worked that one through. I don't try & hide my heels either, they're all high!

[SleekHeels]

I think that wearing heels does make me less "masculine" in the conventional mainstream sense, both in terms of how I feel and how I might be perceived by others. But so what if I'm less of a stereotype, I feel more me. If I was trying to pass as a woman, or pass as a macho man, both would be equally fake.

 

As for therapy, I don't agree with it if it's suggested as a "cure" to try to stop wearing heels, but for someone who faces difficulties as a consequence of wearing heels, maybe therapy could be a useful way to deal with those difficulties.

[blacksmith25]

Thanks for the replies they do help alot. The ultimate reason for therapy for me was to open up about other issues than just being me and wearing heels because I know for a fact that it won't stop the biggest mistake I made was depriving myself of my own individuality I won't allow that to happen again. For my child's sake she will be raised to know the difference between the stereotypes and have her own mind and own free will. She possesses that already and only a year and a half she's a little adult can't tell her nothing lol. In my journeys of researching and interpreting information about numerous things so I could understand them was that the idea of masculinity and femininity is more of mindset rather than something materialistic or certain objects and materials being categorized as such. And things are the way they are because someone once said it to be so and we as a people follow it. I started to question it all because I believe there are a quite a bit of flaws in this system but that's just me. Thank you guys for listening

[heels59]

Ditto, Bassheels. I don't feel feminine in heels, in fact i dig doing guy things, yard work, construction in my heels. I've worn my 4" heel boots on all sorts of jobsites and will continue to do so. I like the sound of a hard heel on a hard floor. I like the punishing pressure a stiletto can apply. I'm not an exhibitionist and don't just wear to be seen, but i don't care much who sees me either. I've worn more androgynous heels in front of clients, including churches.

My wife knows some of what i do and doesn't want to see me in heels, so i respect that.

[loveit]

I do not feel feminine even of I thing high heels give me the same advantages they give to girls like sexiest legs, being taller etc... When I do wear high heel, I just feel more myself. next step for me is to wear theme more often in public

[AZShoeNut]

It takes balls to do what we do!

 

Pat McMahon, in Phoenix, AZ, had a bit on his morning TV show after I participated in a "Heels for HEAL" fund raiser.  They showed a picture of me and Pat exclaimed nearly that when he said, "Man, that takes guts," referring to guys wearing heels for the fund raiser.

 

I certainly do not feel less masculine when I wear heels.  I just feel like I am getting out doing something that I dig.

 

I do get a little kick when I catching myself doing something that is a bit more feminine because of the heels whether that be how I carry myself or how I recover from a near stumble.

 

Interestingly I have received a few compliments that sound like, "I am not sure that you will take this as a compliment but you do really well in those heels."  I think that the person complimenting is worried about taking away from my masculinity.  Usually I respond saying that I most certainly do take it as a compliment.

 

On the subject of counseling if you get a good counselor it can be a good place to voice your stuff.  And as said above don't buy it if they say you gotta lose you heels.  All but one counselor that I have spoken with in the past suggested that I would likely be happier if spent more time celebrating my uniqueness as opposed to trying to push it away.

 

Best,

Larry

[WarrenB]

I have a pink short sleeved shirt that I occasionally wear. One woman complimented me saying I looked good in it. I thanked her and we talked about pink vs blue.

 

Earlier this week I went to a bar wearing my gladiator style flats. The server said she really liked my shoes. I thanked her. I didn't tell her I bought them from her side of the aisle.

[ilikekicks]

Do you guys think or believe that wearing heels or doing anything for that matter or the opposite sex have taken away your masculinity in any way?

 

I was told that people don't understand why I wear heels because they feminize me and why would I want to do that. My take on the situation is I don't put labels on things and I normally ask the girls that have questioned me why do they wear what they wear and why aren't they questioned about it normally I can't get a direct answer from them on why they wear what they wear but it's okay to take away my masculinity because of something that I wear or put on my body.

 

I know that for a long time things were said to be a certain way and it's still believed to be that way today I get that. I'm kind of getting off of topic because my initial question is do you feel like you are less masculine because of what you wear??

 

 

USUAL DISCLAIMER : To the ' P.C. ' type, please read no further. you might experience a high level of blood pressure, an annurism or have a display of ' Developmental Disabilities ' if you respond.

 

 

I held off on this topic but as of a gig I played tonight, odd as it might be, what your asking was part of the topic of discussion. Just out of nowhere with a pair of guys whom I never seen/spoke with in my life that were patrons where we played.

 

What started the conversation was the new wedge boots I was wearing. With the stage monitors out front and sharing the stage with a vocalist whom is 6foot5 and a bass player whom is 6foot3 and my being 5foot10, nobody really saw that I was normally shorter then the other guys. Its not why I wear what I do, but it kind-of hides it without intentionally trying to.

 

After our first set, I spoke with a couple of the local patrons whom asked me about the boots. It seemed weird to them at first but they werent hostile at all, more or less  " curious " would be how I would describe them. Maybe even ' intrigued '.

 

( Lemme quote you here as its relevant : "I was told that people don't understand why I wear heels because they feminize me and why would I want to do that. " )

 

Lets do a small ' twist ' on this for a second: "I know that for a long time things were said to be a certain way and it's still believed to be that way today I get that "

 

Picture the ' women ' of ' today '. Im stating the obvious here people so dont get your panties in a bunch and scream how offended you are. If need be, the thread could be flooded by pictures of exactly what Im going to say. Truth is quite viewable. facts are facts!

 

- How many have fake breasts? Its not uncommon.

- How many women actually wear a dress outside of formal occasions?

- How many look BUTCH with shaved heads, all kinds of metal sticking out of their skin everywhere and tattoos all over their bodies?

- How many women are so ' Feminine ' with the language they use?

- How many would even wear heels outside of a formal event or if they are not " out on the prowl "?

 

If one is to look at the women of today, MANY are really starting to resemble men! There are some ' hold outs ' whom havent taken the plunge and ' gone butch '/ fully bra-burned yet. Im betting the majority of the members on this forum ( if they gave it a thought ) know someone of those 5 descriptions above. I bet the majority of us SEE women described above almost daily through where we work, the coffee shop or even just driving down the street.

 

So I would ask *you* how ' wearing heels ' feminizes you when most women DONT wear heels. I say this from *my* experiences of ALL the women I know. This includes family members ( In the city, not where I presently live ). To see a woman in heels becoming a rare instance. A nice looking skirt is even a stretch.

 

I grew up with the babes of my time wearing mini skirts, stilettos, long ' big hair '. They took baths and actually SMELLED good. They didnt have 5 kids with 4 different guys! They seemed to have had more self respect or self control ' back then '.

 

Knowing the above add this to the equation :

 

There are MEN out there whom saw the boots I was wearing and didnt even know they were ( supposedly ) ' womens ' boots. Shouldnt someone whos " masculine " know what mens boots should look like? The 2 guys I spoke with didnt know until I told them.

 

Another question you asked : "My take on the situation is I don't put labels on things and I normally ask the girls that have questioned me why do they wear what they wear and why aren't they questioned about it normally I can't get a direct answer from them on why they wear what they wear but it's okay to take away my masculinity because of something that I wear or put on my body ".

 

Its called " Political Correctness ". MANY people believe and will recite all this history about how women were once slaves to men or theres a war against them.. they were and still are today considered " lower then men "..  They are ALLOWED to ' take away your masculinity ' and you are not permitted to state anything different else you'll be the bad person in the conversation ( as many are going to probably complain to Dr. Shoe and Shafted about this message being ' offensive ' to them ) because the truth boils down to one and only one thing :

 

YOU wear as *you* choose. It doesnt matter why you do. You are a man. What you wear does NOT change what you ' are '. You have a penis, a ' Y ' chromosome, facial hair and an urge to go through life while trying to enjoy it. Its the same ( urge/stance ) everyone else wishes and would DEMAND such be ' accepted and respected '.. even though they state they are for ' equality ', they really arent and they dont even realize the delusion they suffer from. 

 

 

Another question of yours : " I'm kind of getting off of topic because my initial question is do you feel like you are less masculine because of what you wear?? ".

 

Im going to be quite blunt here and go over a self imposed questionnaire out loud instead of in my head:

 

Does anything *I* wear..

- Take away my ' Y ' chromosome ? Nope.

- Take away my penis? Nope.

- Take away my facial hair? Nope.

- Take away my enjoyment in life? Nope.

- Make my wife feel Im not a man or any less of a man? Nope.

 

I guess I cant be shamed by those ' correct type ' of people into feeling my ' masculinity ' is jeopardized. You shouldnt be either.

 

Peace to you!

-ILK .

[Steve63130]

Humans have a need to classify things to understand them better. We divide humans into two genders, male and female. But it's not that simple. Everyone is on a spectrum of masculine to feminine, and not necessarily in one or the other pigeonhole. Men have a feminine side and we're usually taught never to let it show, since masculine is strong and feminine is weak. That puts some of us (a lot of us?) in an uncomfortable situation. I happen to like carrying a purse instead of wearing cargo pants with bulging pockets; I enjoy wearing pantyhose or stockings, wearing high heels, wearing women's boot cut jeans, and sporting nail polish. Am I more feminine? I don't feel that way. I feel liberated, as a guy, to be able to wear what I want, and confident enough to do it all in public. I don't go around flaunting it; I just do it, much as any woman would wear jeans, loafers, shirt and tie, and not think of herself as masculine. 

 

We only go through life once. Make the most of it and be yourself, wherever you fall on the M-F spectrum. Enjoy life and have fun instead of worrying about what others think. Nobody was ever successful in pleasing all the people all the time, so why try?

 

Life is short. I don't have to be.

 

Steve

[mtnsofheels]

Lots of comments there;

 

Humans have a need to classify things to understand them better. We divide humans into two genders, male and female. But it's not that simple. Everyone is on a spectrum of masculine to feminine, and not necessarily in one or the other pigeonhole. Men have a feminine side and we're usually taught never to let it show, since masculine is strong and feminine is weak. That puts some of us (a lot of us?) in an uncomfortable situation. I happen to like carrying a purse instead of wearing cargo pants with bulging pockets; I enjoy wearing pantyhose or stockings, wearing high heels, wearing women's boot cut jeans, and sporting nail polish. Am I more feminine? I don't feel that way. I feel liberated, as a guy, to be able to wear what I want, and confident enough to do it all in public. I don't go around flaunting it; I just do it, much as any woman would wear jeans, loafers, shirt and tie, and not think of herself as masculine. 

 

We only go through life once. Make the most of it and be yourself, wherever you fall on the M-F spectrum. Enjoy life and have fun instead of worrying about what others think. Nobody was ever successful in pleasing all the people all the time, so why try?

 

Life is short. I don't have to be.

 

Steve

Totally agree with you Steve, that is me as well.

Not everything in life has to have the "feminine or masculine" designation to it, we have named ships planes and nature itself. But if we want wear something because we want to and we like to, It does not take away from whatever gender we are, it means we like to do something different.

[mlroseplant]

This is a very difficult question for me to answer, because I really don't know myself. I am heterosexual, (mostly) happily married, have a kind of a macho job as an industrial electrician, but I generally hate the way most men look, and strive to do the opposite for my own look. Well, I should not say the opposite, but I have definite likes and dislikes.

I like many things girly, especially high heels. On the one hand, I definitely feel way hotter in heels, though I'm sure the rest of the world doesn't see it that way. But on the other hand, there's a golden band to remind me of someone who would not understand.....oh wait. Sorry, I forgot where I was. But on the other hand, I also view wearing high heels as an athletic challenge, a hurdle to be overcome. I actually go for regular walks in all my shoes, and record the distance. I have goals for upping the heel height and be able to do it in comfort. To me, that's kind of a masculine thing to do. My women friends who marvel at my endurance in heels don't really seem to understand this athletic, and to me, masculine side of it.

I have taken this gender-bender thing about as far as I want to. I shave my legs. I shave the upper part of my chest. I wear short shorts. I wear women's jeans and t-shirts. I wear high heels pretty much every chance I get, every day. Even my work boots have 2 1/4 inch heels.

But on the other hand, there's a golden band--damn you, Randy Travis! LOL. On the other hand, I have short hair, I sometimes grow a beard in the winter (and probably will this year, due to my soon to be cold, COLD job), I don't wear makeup, don't wear nail polish, have no desire to wear skirts or dresses.

Masculine, feminine? You tell me. I yam wot I yam.

[bluejay]

Humans have a need to classify things to understand them better. We divide humans into two genders, male and female. But it's not that simple. Everyone is on a spectrum of masculine to feminine, and not necessarily in one or the other pigeonhole. Men have a feminine side and we're usually taught never to let it show, since masculine is strong and feminine is weak. That puts some of us (a lot of us?) in an uncomfortable situation. I happen to like carrying a purse instead of wearing cargo pants with bulging pockets; I enjoy wearing pantyhose or stockings, wearing high heels, wearing women's boot cut jeans, and sporting nail polish. Am I more feminine? I don't feel that way. I feel liberated, as a guy, to be able to wear what I want, and confident enough to do it all in public. I don't go around flaunting it; I just do it, much as any woman would wear jeans, loafers, shirt and tie, and not think of herself as masculine. 

 

We only go through life once. Make the most of it and be yourself, wherever you fall on the M-F spectrum. Enjoy life and have fun instead of worrying about what others think. Nobody was ever successful in pleasing all the people all the time, so why try?

 

Life is short. I don't have to be.

 

Steve

Steve,

 

I agree totally with that.

 

Happy Heeling,

bluejay

[Thighbootguy]

 since masculine is strong and feminine is weak.

 

 

Are you sure about this?  Or is it a myth that males have propagated throughout time and maybe females have also been willing to take advantage of until recently.  The human male on average tends to be physically stronger then the female but that is the only characteristic where males are stronger.  I'm just being picky on this point. 

 

I totally agree that "everyone is on a spectrum of masculine to feminine, and not necessarily in one or the other pigeonhole", in fact I think many folks (guys and gals) are closer to the middle of the spectrum than either end.

[blacksmith25]

Thanks for all the advice. Ilikekicks I get what your saying being blunts helps you did get a little off the question but I all made alot of sense so I appreciate it. Everyone else thank you very much for the responses they all helped alot

[ilikekicks]

Thanks for all the advice. Ilikekicks I get what your saying being blunts helps you did get a little off the question but I all made alot of sense so I appreciate it. Everyone else thank you very much for the responses they all helped alot

 

All you need is to realize that what you do in your ways is for your own enjoyment. Its decisions you make for yourself that matter the most. If someone doesnt like what your wearing, Thats their problem, not yours.

 

So long as you harm nobody, they shouldnt care what you do.

 

Im one of the guys whom is just tired of all the " 2-sidedness " of the Politically Correct shaming everyone about everything and making an absolute nuisance out of common sense. Things dont have to be over complicated about everything. Its a very simple concept : If you like something you wear, continue to wear it.

 

-ILK

[blacksmith25]

Ilikekicks you sir are a wise man thank you for the words of wisdom

[AZShoeNut]

Yes, It is ILKs words that I want to remember when I go out and about in heels.

[mtnsofheels]

Ilks raises some very excellent points about this subject which we could face.

It may worth while to do a cheat sheet and have it in your pocket for exactly the occasion which may come up.

I do have a selection of those questions in my mind should I encounter a curious person who may

chance a conversation.

Thank you Ilks for taking the time to write your well experienced points out for us.

With that it certainly gives one a confidence boost to be who want to be!