Permission to wear heels (I think not)

[LuvsStiletto]

I would like to share some of my experiences concerning former girlfriends, who were cool with my heel wearing. However, before I add any of those posts, I felt it was important to share my state of mind regarding something that is often discussed in these forums (how the wife/gf feels about the guy wearing heels and seeking "permission" from her, to wear them). Simply put...I'm pretty much "type A". Actually, there's no "pretty much" about it...I'm a full-fledged, my way or the highway, type guy, who is used to getting what I want, without asking anyone's permission. This is why I will not date (or even consider dating), any woman who is not on-board with my heel wearing! And it really doesn't go just for heels, as I don't ask for permission from women to do anything...If i wan't to do something, I just do it, and if they don't like it, they will be replaced! I've dated, and have had enough long and medium term relationships to realize, that there are enough women who are cool with me wearing heels, that I don't need to waste my time and efforts with the ones who are not. Now, I realize that some guys have known their wives or girlfriends for a long time, and the heel thing was never brought up in conversation at the onset of the relationship, and that some guys not only have their spouse or girlfriend, but there may be others to consider, such as much loved children, and I get that! I really do... But for me, heels are a significant part of who I am, and I would sooner torpedo a fresh relationship, than to ask some girl for "permission" to wear heels! Women have always been striving for equality with men. And yet, can you even imagine a scenario where a woman asks "permission" from her man, for her fashion choices, or to wear heels? Heck no! In that same light, I refuse to ask permission from a woman to wear heels, if I so choose. I get the heel topic out on the table, very early in a relationship (practically immediately), and if the woman seems to have any issues with it, then I don't waste my time; I really don't care how gorgeous she is, or how sweet she seems. I need to have the freedom to be myself, and that can't happen with women who are too judgemental, structured, and finicky. I simply don't have time to deal with the consequences of getting involved with someone who is going to be a pain in my you-know-what, about the heel thing. This is just how I am, and I realize not every guy is in the same situation, or has the same mindset about this. And that is understandable. It's just that, one thing you will never hear from me, on this board, is: "my wife/gf won't 'let me' wear heels", or "I need to ask my wife/gf if I can wear heels, (or these types of heels)"! I just don't keep them around long if I sense it's going to be an issue.

[Shyheels]

I see. And how is Mrs L.S. these days?

[SF]

Hi there.  Yep you seem to be Type A alright.  As for me, I am - for lack of a better word "lucky" - to have a wife who is alright with me in high heels and has been since we were dating, a long time ago.  I don't ask permission, nor does she grant permission, it (wearing heels) is just something that I do, and we do as a couple.  Kinda nice….  take care, sf

[pebblesf]

Well, you are right, of course.  I have only myself to blame for not getting the heel thing out there on the first date, probably should have worn heels on the "first date".  My lack of self confidence has certainly created many self imposed problems!  Wish I could have hung out with "LS" years ago. 

[Bubba136]

A man wearing heels does, more often than not, complicate relationships.  Best advice I can give is to get the issue out as soon as you realize that there is a chance that your relationship is going to be more than just normal boyfriend/girlfriend.  Your prospective mate deserves to know what she's getting herself into.

[w6ish]

10 hours ago, LuvsStiletto said:

I would like to share some of my experiences concerning former girlfriends, who were cool with my heel wearing. However, before I add any of those posts, I felt it was important to share my state of mind regarding something that is often discussed in these forums (how the wife/gf feels about the guy wearing heels and seeking "permission" from her, to wear them). Simply put...I'm pretty much "type A". Actually, there's no "pretty much" about it...I'm a full-fledged, my way or the highway, type guy, who is used to getting what I want, without asking anyone's permission. This is why I will not date (or even consider dating), any woman who is not on-board with my heel wearing! And it really doesn't go just for heels, as I don't ask for permission from women to do anything...If i wan't to do something, I just do it, and if they don't like it, they will be replaced! I've dated, and have had enough long and medium term relationships to realize, that there are enough women who are cool with me wearing heels, that I don't need to waste my time and efforts with the ones who are not. Now, I realize that some guys have known their wives or girlfriends for a long time, and the heel thing was never brought up in conversation at the onset of the relationship, and that some guys not only have their spouse or girlfriend, but there may be others to consider, such as much loved children, and I get that! I really do... But for me, heels are a significant part of who I am, and I would sooner torpedo a fresh relationship, than to ask some girl for "permission" to wear heels! Women have always been striving for equality with men. And yet, can you even imagine a scenario where a woman asks "permission" from her man, for her fashion choices, or to wear heels? Heck no! In that same light, I refuse to ask permission from a woman to wear heels, if I so choose. I get the heel topic out on the table, very early in a relationship (practically immediately), and if the woman seems to have any issues with it, then I don't waste my time; I really don't care how gorgeous she is, or how sweet she seems. I need to have the freedom to be myself, and that can't happen with women who are too judgemental, structured, and finicky. I simply don't have time to deal with the consequences of getting involved with someone who is going to be a pain in my you-know-what, about the heel thing. This is just how I am, and I realize not every guy is in the same situation, or has the same mindset about this. And that is understandable. It's just that, one thing you will never hear from me, on this board, is: "my wife/gf won't 'let me' wear heels", or "I need to ask my wife/gf if I can wear heels, (or these types of heels)"! I just don't keep them around long if I sense it's going to be an issue.

Nice work!

that's what i would do!

[maninpumps]

WOW ! This sounds like "driveway talk" to me . 

[Steve63130]

Like SF, I'm lucky, too. My wife is accepting, and the more I wear heels in public and nobody comments, the more confident she gets, so it's all going in the right direction. But it was not smooth for the first few years, as I didn't disclose my passion to her early in our relationship - more like 4 years after we married. Fortunately we've worked it all out, and there are no kids to complicate the equation. So, LS, I applaud your direct approach - that's what I should have done. Put your cards on the table and whoever wants to can see up front what she's getting, warts and all, as they say. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Steve

[HappyinHeels]

LuvsStiletto,

Read your post and self-analysis of your personality. While Type-A is certainly needed to assert oneself in this world you do run the risk of perhaps missing out on a potentially great companion or deal or connection. Certainly demanding and expecting the same degree of equality is transparent enough but the actual application of personality projection the way you described it is usually a bit more bumpy. Most of life involves some measure of compromise. That does NOT mean you can't be who you want to be but if you hope to share yourself with anyone or interact with the world then some give and take is absolutely essential. As Steve63130 knows I have a passion for very high heels and also work other things into the outfit like him I  also keep everything in perspective. Show me someone who has never compromised EVER and I'll show you a robot. HappyinHeels

[Chorlini]

9 hours ago, HappyinHeels said:

LuvsStiletto,

Read your post and self-analysis of your personality. While Type-A is certainly needed to assert oneself in this world you do run the risk of perhaps missing out on a potentially great companion or deal or connection. Certainly demanding and expecting the same degree of equality is transparent enough but the actual application of personality projection the way you described it is usually a bit more bumpy. Most of life involves some measure of compromise. That does NOT mean you can't be who you want to be but if you hope to share yourself with anyone or interact with the world then some give and take is absolutely essential. As Steve63130 knows I have a passion for very high heels and also work other things into the outfit like him I  also keep everything in perspective. Show me someone who has never compromised EVER and I'll show you a robot. HappyinHeels

On the other hand, how great a companion, or how good can the connection be if she can't accept an important part of who you are?

LuvsStiletto's approach basically says, there are plenty of fish in the sea, if you don't like it, tough like, I'll find somebody who will. He approaches it from a viewpoint of abundance. Yours, if I interpret it correctly, seems to approach it from a viewpoint of scarcity. That if you find somebody who you are compatible with in many ways you should hold on to her and if need be compromise, because ultimately such a person is rare.

I never understood the attitude of some of you who talk about getting permission from their wives/girlfriend. I get it that its hard to introduce heels into the relationship. I get it that its even harder the longer you wait. Or if there are kids involved. But as LuvStiletto said, reverse things around the other way. How weird and creepy does it sound if a wife/girlfriend has to ask her husband/boyfriend for permission to do anything basically? We'd call social workers, maybe even the police if we heard a woman tell such a thing. And yet for men it seems to have become the norm. Oh no, can't do that, the wife would kill me!

[pebblesf]

Well, this is one case where the double standard is reversed, our society is certainly biased against guys who like heels.  I can only say that my relationship errors have been not following Luvstiletto's approach when starting a new relationship/dating.  The heels should be introduced immediately, no sense wasting time and emotional effort on a relationship that may not work out or be strained later.  We all know that our love of heels is not something that can be put aside, or be expected to take a back seat to maintaining a relationship.   I guess the best scenario would be to meet a potential partner while wearing heels! 

Speaking for myself here, I have failed to follow this good advice, so have always had the impossible task of trying to "introduce" heels into the relationship, and have never been successful.  I am hoping that my current partner/relationship will last, so have accepted the fact that my boots will take a back seat most of the time.  Unfortunately, in my case, wisdom has only come with advancing age.  But, I know I will definitely follow Luvstiletto's advice in the unlikely event of a new relationship. 

My weak link has always been self confidence, which is so important! 

 

[mlroseplant]

2 hours ago, Chorlini said:

On the other hand, how great a companion, or how good can the connection be if she can't accept an important part of who you are?

LuvsStiletto's approach basically says, there are plenty of fish in the sea, if you don't like it, tough like, I'll find somebody who will. He approaches it from a viewpoint of abundance. Yours, if I interpret it correctly, seems to approach it from a viewpoint of scarcity. That if you find somebody who you are compatible with in many ways you should hold on to her and if need be compromise, because ultimately such a person is rare.

I never understood the attitude of some of you who talk about getting permission from their wives/girlfriend. I get it that its hard to introduce heels into the relationship. I get it that its even harder the longer you wait. Or if there are kids involved. But as LuvStiletto said, reverse things around the other way. How weird and creepy does it sound if a wife/girlfriend has to ask her husband/boyfriend for permission to do anything basically? We'd call social workers, maybe even the police if we heard a woman tell such a thing. And yet for men it seems to have become the norm. Oh no, can't do that, the wife would kill me!

I think that perhaps HiH is speaking more generally than that. Sure, there are certain things which one should not compromise at the beginning of a relationship, for example, one's choice to wear what he likes. In that case, there are plenty of other women in this world, I agree. 

What I believe HiH means is that if this extreme attitude of "I'll do whatever I want, when I want, and how I want, because I want to" becomes a person's basic philosophy of life, rather than just applying to certain things, well .  .  . a long term relationship is probably not in that person's future. 

Having said that, if I were single, I wouldn't bother pursuing a relationship with somebody who didn't like my shoes. Even then, they wouldn't have to like ALL of them. Just most of them. 

[LuvsStiletto]

I understand that my approach to dating and relationships might mot work for everyone. And it may not always work in my favor either! There is no doubt, that I have lost some "opportunities" with a number of women, who otherwise (aside from them not liking my heel wearing), would have been great opportunities. However, heel wearing is not just a "hobby" for me. It is a significant part of who I am. If it were not, then compromise on my part would certainly be easier. HappyinHeels' post does make a lot of sense, in that, no compromise, ever, would make one a robot. And I agree! I am definitely able to compromise about many things in a relationship, such as what movie to see at the theatre, what restaurant to go to with a date, etc., but for me at least, heels fall into a totally different category of compromise. A catagory, that does not allow for much compromise! This is based on my past experiences. Like many, in my early days of heel wearing, I waited too long to introduce it into the relationship. An otherwise great connection, often made me miserable, because I was not able to be myself. On the other hand, a number of women I have dated in the past, were surprisingly cool with it. It is those experiences, that reaffirmed to me, that getting it out there, very early, was the approach that worked best for me. It definitely is approaching dating and relationships from an abundance mindset. I have often been very fortunate to meet women who are accepting and non judgemental about my heel wearing. Which in turn, has solidified in my mind, that I don't need to settle for someone who is not on board with the heel thing. Also, I will add, that in addition to them being on board with my heel wearing, that they too, need to be avid heel wearers! It may sound extremely shallow, but I'm generally not attracted to women who don't wear heels, or who only wear them on "special occasions". For me to be truly happy, I need the whole package. But that is just me! Having had that whole package in multiple prior long and meduim term relationships, I realize just how attainable it is. So, I don't relish the thought of wasting my time with those women who have bias against my preferences. While having that partner who accepts heel wearing is ideal,  I don't "need" to be with someone, just to be with someone. There have been periods in my life where I was with a great gal, and there have been periods where I was single. The freedom to be who I am, and wear heels, needs to be there, either way. I will be posting some experiences soon, that have gotten my to realize that there are plenty of women who are accepting of it! And I have had some truly amazing and exhilirating experiences, which have happened in my life, that have shaped my whole philosophy about it. Confidence is huge, and a major part of that, is having a supportive partner, which I can see, many of you are lucky to have. Everyone needs to go about it their own way. It takes time to develop that confidence. The first time I stepped out of my car in heels, I was both self conscious and gratified. From that point forward, it just kept getting easier. 

[HappyinHeels]

LuvStiletto,

Mlroseplant had it right. It was a general observation. Chorlini had it right in that good companions are a rarity. Too much time is wasted by people trying to control and manipulate each other and much more should be spent listening to each other. It has been 44 years since I first slipped on a pair of high heels and I new it was important. Dresses, skirts, earrings, and women's watches followed after that. These are as important to me as heels are to you.

I have been married 30 years to a lovely woman from Mexico that knew of my heels from the start. I had a simple plan really: "Take my hand and hear my thoughts; I have wandered and looked for ages and my destiny stands before me. I will care for you which means I will not injure you. I will protect which means I will not abandon you. I will love you for all the days which you allow me to do so. Take me as you see me.

It has worked so far. It seem the harder we look for something the more elusive it becomes. Put it into the background and all of a sudden your dream woman that loves your heels as much as hers will be standing right in front of you. You'll get there from here I know it. HappyinHeels

[Gudulitooo]

LuvsStiletto, why did you post this in the first place ?

[LuvsStiletto]

Hi Gudulitooo,

the first few sentences of my original post spell out why I posted it. Basically, since I am rather new to this site, I wanted to share my mindset concerning "asking permission" from wives, girlfriends to wear heels, before I just started posting about my heeling experiences. 

[Histiletto]

The choosing of what an individual wears is one of the personal rights nature/God first assigned to each person. Besides, who knows better what one's tastes are than that person. When the only selections of body coverings were to wear large leaves, the concept of having other people choose what a person wore was not part of their thinking. This change came after the civilized world had advanced their technology in fabric making, started to separate people by their ability to afford the materials and the costs of clothing being made. Then caste systems developed rules and etiquette that used types of clothing as status symbols, which society also uses to maintain some control over what people are allowed to wear for most of mankind's existence. When the Industrial Age came about, more of the financial wealth started to be distributed over a greater part of the world's population, which created the middle class. More people had access to income better than the world had known before. The Industrial Age also made it possible for many of the formerly high cost items to be made for significantly lower pricing, which made their availability and affordability attainable to the people that were considered middle and lower classes. Clothing could no longer be  absolute status symbols, so society started applying homophobic campaigns to limit more of what people could choose to wear by their sex. Although this wasn't necessarily a new idea, it became more blatant in separating what men wore and women could choose. Concepts, like practicality and simplicity were streamlined in creating the male wardrobe, while women were given the opposite choices to dress flamboyantly and seductively, especially in their courting stage. It didn't matter to society, as a whole, how an individual wanted to attire, for it hadn't been part of the thought process for centuries, even millenniums. Then the experiences of men and women having thoughts and feelings they weren't suppose to have became more prominent in people's lives. Society tried to squelch such things by labeling them as perverse and demeaning. Programs and movements were organized to head off these social dissenters, but the experiences were enough evidences to start new groups that saw these unjust standards and rules made to enforce them as hypocritical and misleading. All of this deception could have been avoided had society not interfered with people's individual right to make their own attiring choices. Then again, sometimes it has been noted that many of the good and better things of life have come from overcoming the adversities and the oppositions against them. The civil rights movement is one of these examples that have helped people to have better opportunities to grow and achieve many goals that were once forbidden to them. High heels for men is actually an individual's right to choose, not anyone elses.