Psychology...

[cjveritas]

It has been a while since I posted anything here. I am the more silent type. A few facts about me: I still have a high heels fetish/retifism (since age 4) and I still keep it hidden from the world other than this forum, and probably always will. I know this now as I know myself and the people around me. If there is one message on this forum for heel-loving men it is that this is something each man has to figure out for himself. I'm straight (should you consider this important for the following) and about to leave home to live on my own in a few month time (yippee). My fetish waxes and wanes, apparently unrelated to anything, as does my interest in things other than high heels. I occasionally wear one or more female pieces of clothing but it's not a regular habit. I never fully cross-dress on account it not being my thing. The question to all: my high heels fetish is what I would call a light fetish. Enough to get me to discretely glance (not stare) a women wearing high heels and to get me to buy my own pairs of high heels (5 pairs at this point of a total of 8 bought in my life). I can do without my heels for a few months without life feeling like that of a monk. After about 6 months life without my high heels becomes dry like that of an exhausted camel in the Sahara desert, still alive but unhappy. Being honest: my 'adult infatuation' for high heels is as much a fashion-thing, hopelessly-romantic-soul-thing as it is a sexual-thing. All tied together and never in even parts divided, making it all the more of a long-term deal than a brief puberty- or adolescence craze. As you grow up you try to ‘make peace’ with the notion of a high heels fetish, in my case ever so discretely. HOWEVER, being a more introvert person (about everything) my minds always returns to the same questions: how did my fetish start? When exactly? Where? Did a single event 'cause' 'it' or was it gradually 'enforced'/'empowered'? Is it a bad thing? As I have an accountant's mind I always seek logical reasons even though this is something logic will most likely never entirely explain. In the words of Spock: “logic is the beginning not the end”. Many of these questions I have answered myself through some soul/sole-searching and have been explained quite rationally/factually and with ‘acceptable’ satisfaction. My fetish started around the age of 4 when I was in a strictly women’s shoe store with my mom where she was trying on shoes and of course like all kids I started to wander around in the shop. In that shop I saw, through the eyes of a toddler, a lady trying on a pair of high heel pumps with metal heels while being assisted by a shop-lady. Of course this is a common scene in women's shoe shops: the lady had quite some trouble getting these pumps on her feet. And yet, despite the fact that those pumps were perhaps the wrong size or her feet were swollen or to large and she suffered at least some discomfort, she endured it and finally got one shoe on her foot with the other one still to go. The whole scene took perhaps 3 to 5 minutes of time (however being a toddler then I could have a false perception of time about it today) when my mother 'yanked' me by the hand and rushed out of the shoe shop as if I had just seen something I was not meant to see. Something very secret. To my perception equal to my mother covering my eyes from the sight of a naturist passing by on a bike. You should know that my mother has always been rather austere and that the mere fact that she went into that shoe shop was in itself somewhat of a miracle since I recall it being a women's shoe shop with only high heels and quite fashionable footwear for the time (in 1987). I guess despite her own austerity, her own desire for high heels or fashion shoes took over briefly. In the aftermath of all this it gradually 'sunk/soaked in': the image of that woman 'going the distance' and struggling even with a smile on the face to get on a pair of high heels to satisfy her shopping spree and to feel sexy on her next date. I even recall this lady smiling at me while she was doing this as I was staring like small children can uninhibitedly do due to the lack of that self-constructed adult psychological barrier. To this day I still wonder did my mom rush us out of the shop because the high heels on sale were a bit to 'wild' for her taste or did she really, in her eyes, want to shield me from such a 'seemingly intense' sensual scene (not to get all Freudian: like seeing your mother naked for the first time). No point in asking my mother though. I just will not ask her and even if I did she will not have remember that day (26 years ago!) of this I am certain. All of this has to do with perception. After witnessing this scene in the shoe shop, like witnessing so many other things as a toddler, it would probably have faded to the dim background and have caused no high heels fetish were it not for mother’s sudden reaction or my own perception to my mother’s reaction. This probably caused/sparked not a fetish but an infatuation for women's shoes out of sheer bewildering while trying to understand why that woman in the shoe shop was doing something uncomfortable and enjoying it at the same time. It defied my basic logic of a toddler at that time. Fast forward to age 7: mom went shopping and dad was watching westerns on the BBC2 channel (John Wayne and so on). At some point I got bored with my lego, G.I.joe or other toy and was looking out for a new toy. In my mind I remembered the shoe scene from age 4 and wondered if my mom’s shoes could serve as worthy toys. So I tried on my mom's shoes. Since there was still no fetish or any other lingering feelings I got bored quickly, asking myself: what is the big deal? Why would mom not want me to see or perhaps wear these shoes? I took my chance to do something like a sneaky kid, mom said no to me about without words but with an action when I was 4 years of age, but I did not understand the big deal. Fast forward to age 11: mom has always had the same reaction to other women in high heels since that event I witnessed at the age of 4. Knowing my own mother a bit better now at the age of 30: a bit out of jealousy that those women could/can parade around in high heels and look/feel sexy and that she didn't and still doesn't dare to do so herself, locking her in a sort of defensive mode hence her austerity. However there must have been a time, before I was born, in her early twenties when she did wear high heels and was happy about it. Like many women she kept them as keepsakes of a seemingly better past-tense time (if any ladies were to read this: I DO NOT JUDGED THIS so don't go all defensive on me - I love my mum all the same) somewhere in the back of a closet. Since the age of 7 I had gotten more 'curious' with high heels out of the logic: if mom has such a strong reaction every time to the sight of high heels then it must be something special about it. So I investigated further and in doing so I found my mom’s 'keepsake' high heels and tried them on to know what was the deal about them. I still remember these shoes: a pair of white 5 inch high heel cork sandals with a small platform, undoubtedly a remnant of the disco years, and a pair of navy 4 inch high heel sling back sandals. I wore them once, twice, three times and felt nothing special. But then puberty hit and I suddenly became undeniably aware of the sexual 'connotation' that exists to high heels. For about the next 4 months I 'played' with them. One day I was playing with my mom's shoes again when mom and dad were out however they came home unexpectedly early. Since I knew my mother's reaction to me+high heels could not be good in any way, based on her previous reactions, I did my best to hide them temporarily elsewhere in order to put them back in the right place later, but I forgot all about the shoe-boxes. Mom must have noticed this but said nothing. So at the most convenient moment I put the shoes back in the right place and waited in absolute terror to see if my mom really would say nothing about it or if would start a rant and shout at me. Perhaps she had not noticed after all and I got lucky. But this was not the case. A few days later she took her own precious ‘keepsake’ shoes she had so carefully ‘preserved’ along when we went to visit my aunt. She handed the shoes over to my aunt, and that was the last I ever saw of them. No words to her own son but a cold and calculated act to keep her eleven-year old son away from the ‘harmful influence’ of high heels. Today I even realize that she deliberately did this to make sure I would have noticed that the shoes were gone for good, as if she was telling me ‘kid, just give it up’. Of course this had the adverse effect on me and only made ‘the legend’ of high heels for me for good. In the days that followed this event my previous curiosity with high heels became, aided by early puberty, a high heels fetish. Fast forward to age 25: I made it through high school and just finished college to start in my first real job. Still living with my parent to save money to get my own place. After my first year working on the job, the routine settled in and I started to reminisce my times with high heels. I somehow needed it back in my life. It had been since age 11 that I had worn any high heels. I felt I was living the life of a monk which was logical as long as I was studying but now I had started to work I expected something new not more of the same. So I straight off bought 3 pairs of high heels: a pair of black 5 inch small platform sandals, a pair of black 6 inch platform sandals and my favourites then a pair of white 5 inch platform wedge sandals. I was in heaven and had something to break the ‘tension’, the self-imposed discipline when out the window. But I was not careful enough since I was still living at my parents’ house. Even though I had my shoes well hidden my mother found them after one year of ownership. I went through the whole scene (the nine and the ten yards): are you gay? Do you even love girls or both? Are you a cross-dresser? I loved and still love my parents but as the interrogation progressed it became clear that neither of my parents and especially my mother was going to have any tolerance whatsoever for my love for high heels. So I worked myself a way out of the predicament and chose to put things on hold and went in against myself and basically lied. I explained that it was just a temporary craze of lonely adolescent and that buying those shoes was a mistake. To make matters worse: as proof of my commitment to this bold ‘lie’ my mother demanded without words, the way only mothers can, that I disposed of those shoes myself. And I did. With no small measure of heartache. I did not cry or anything but it did feel like I was being forced to throw away my hifi-installation or TV-set. I chose peace with the old folk over my own ‘joy’. Live to fight another day I guess. Fast forward to today (2013): still without heels? NO. I still live with the old folk but I will soon move out to my own place after having saved enough money. As you get older you get to know yourself better and better and I found out that I am quite resilient if I put my mind to it. In 2010 I bought a new pair of high heels and started a new collection with a pair of black suede 5 inch platform high heel pumps. Since then I have bought 5 more pairs of heels. The inventory: a pair of white peep toe cork wedge pumps, a pair of red satin small platform sandals and recently a pair of black and white Buffalo classic platforms, a pair of satin print 6 inch platform sandals and a pair of white wedge thong sandals. Since I lost the previous collection of 3 pairs of shoes…lets just say I now keep my shoes in a more secure and isolated place away from the old folk. Please don’t go thinking what a loser living with mom at age 30. It is deliberately so in order to have enough money to straight up buy my own place instead of renting a place. That’s my story basically. So what? Well… I started to think too much again lately. I am moving out to my own place and I am thinking of the path that led me here and the questions about my love for high heels that remain unanswered today. Is It bad? Was it all me, mom & dad, or a little of both? Being a pragmatist I will answer the first for myself: ‘it is not bad as long as it does not get me into any trouble’. Like speeding on the highway and getting away with it. I can understand that other high heel lovers cannot take sufficient satisfaction from that but I can. But the last question irritates my still and I really do mean irritate. My mom is somewhat narcissistic and even though she is getting older it is not ‘mellowing’ but getting a bit worse. At times she terribly impatient and impulsive. It is those times I start to think: are you the cause of my high heels fetish? WE PROBABLY ALL KNOW THE THEORY: A HIGH HEELS FETISH IS CAUSE BY A DOMINANT MOTHER AND AN ABSENT FATHER. Agree with it or not my case fits the bill. My mother was/is dominant and my father is rather absent. And I also agree that living with the old folks to my thirties is most likely not beneficial. MY QUESTION TO THE SHRINKS: IS THIS THEORY FACT FOR ME OR NOT? MY QUESTION TO ALL OTHERS: AND DOES THIS THEORY LOOK LIKE FACT FOR YOU OR NOT? (be honest or shut up)

[Impala]

I'm not entirely sure what causes a high heel fetish. I have one myself, but it evolved in a very different way than yours. I'll try to explain it here, maybe it can help you and others to form a better opinion on hh fetish. From as early as I can remember, I had a very strange interest in heels. I actually had real negative feelings about them. I don't know why, but when I saw a woman in heels, including my mom (she didn't and still doesn't wear heels very often), I immediately thought about it as a bad thing, a sign that it was a bad person. Nevertheless, I took a lot of glances at heeled shoes. I still do. I remember how it continued this way until the age of around 13, when I slowly started thinking about heels in a more positive way, and by the age of 14 I completely enjoyed the idea and the look of women in high heels and loved looking at them, both in real life and on pictures, television... By that time, puberty and the first teenage ways of behavior came, and turned this interest into a strong fetish that is still in me now. 17 and a half years old, half a year ago, I decided that I wanted to have at least tried on heels once before I'd die. After some time of thinking about a way to do this, trying on heels in a shoe store was no option for me, I decided to buy a pair via internet and have it ordered to me. I got my first heels 4 months ago, and more pairs followed! I love the way heels feel, it's fun to wear them and walk in them, and of course the fetish still is present! So I think you could say that there's been a "hate-love" relation between me and high heels. I don't know how it started, but it did start anyway. My mother isn't really dominant and my father isn't absent at all. My mom rarely wore and wears heels, and never higher than 3 inches. Kind of boring for me at this time... I think that it might be meant to be, whether a guy develops at least an interest in high heels. Just like some women love heels and some don't, the men that do like heels don't get to wear them most of the times, but can still like seeing them. Further actions that might link high heels to sexual actions may cause a fetish, but I don't think anything like that has happened to me or you. I actually do not at all mind having this fetish. I'm sure you think about it this way too. It's nice, and we can enjoy heels whenever we see them! I have always found it good to be different, it keeps me from getting bored and disappearing in the common and boring normality of our society. What do you think about my story, cjveritas?

[jdmonto]

That was quite an interesting read, i my case i don`t really have a memory of my mother in heels, se wore them fo course since she worked in an office enviroment untill she retired, i don`t recall any pair as particullary interesting, she isn`t particullary dominant either and my father is not absent at all, so i guess i don`t fit that theory. My earliest memory of female shoes that really struck me was a women clothing catalog, i kept that catalog as a precious item and i actaully hid it like it was a dirty magazine, i loved to watch the women in there, but specially a pair of slippers that, curiously, were not heels. As far as wearing i remember a kind of shoe that was word with chidren costumes, they were kinda ballerina flats or something like that, but not for everyday use, i kept them after haloween however and used them ocasionally. I guess i allways admired female clothing centered around women shoes, as i grew i guess it grew into heels, but i have never searched for a deeper meaning into it. ¿As far as it beeing bad? i guess most of us agree that it`s not, my fetish doesent hurt anyone and it really doesen`t affect anyone in any way, maybe my wife, but she is more or less alright with it so the rest of the world doesen`t matter (no ofeense )

[Shafted]

Well, I must say you've given us all a lot to absorb. Your story is similar to others here, from what I have seen. Family are probably the most difficult to come out to as far as wearing high heels. The reality is that to change their opinions requires you to present yourself in a very stylish AND masculine manner. It's as much about you as it is the cloths you wear. I'm actually lost in your questions at this point, but if you stop thinking about it as a fetish and just consider that it is a part of yourself that you can exploit to your benefit and you'll be a lot better off. As I am typing this I notice another answers. I hope he is of help.. Really, it's time to turn what you think is a fetish into the new you. If you are stylishly challenged you have us to lean on. Guys can wear high heels (even stilettos) if they do it right. If you have a particular heel persuasion, there are those here with the same. They can help you out. Your many questions will be answered here.

[cjveritas]

I'm not entirely sure what causes a high heel fetish. I have one myself, but it evolved in a very different way than yours. I'll try to explain it here, maybe it can help you and others to form a better opinion on hh fetish.

From as early as I can remember, I had a very strange interest in heels. I actually had real negative feelings about them. I don't know why, but when I saw a woman in heels, including my mom (she didn't and still doesn't wear heels very often), I immediately thought about it as a bad thing, a sign that it was a bad person. Nevertheless, I took a lot of glances at heeled shoes. I still do.

I remember how it continued this way until the age of around 13, when I slowly started thinking about heels in a more positive way, and by the age of 14 I completely enjoyed the idea and the look of women in high heels and loved looking at them, both in real life and on pictures, television...

By that time, puberty and the first teenage ways of behavior came, and turned this interest into a strong fetish that is still in me now.

17 and a half years old, half a year ago, I decided that I wanted to have at least tried on heels once before I'd die. After some time of thinking about a way to do this, trying on heels in a shoe store was no option for me, I decided to buy a pair via internet and have it ordered to me. I got my first heels 4 months ago, and more pairs followed! I love the way heels feel, it's fun to wear them and walk in them, and of course the fetish still is present!

So I think you could say that there's been a "hate-love" relation between me and high heels. I don't know how it started, but it did start anyway.

My mother isn't really dominant and my father isn't absent at all. My mom rarely wore and wears heels, and never higher than 3 inches. Kind of boring for me at this time...

I think that it might be meant to be, whether a guy develops at least an interest in high heels. Just like some women love heels and some don't, the men that do like heels don't get to wear them most of the times, but can still like seeing them. Further actions that might link high heels to sexual actions may cause a fetish, but I don't think anything like that has happened to me or you.

I actually do not at all mind having this fetish. I'm sure you think about it this way too. It's nice, and we can enjoy heels whenever we see them! I have always found it good to be different, it keeps me from getting bored and disappearing in the common and boring normality of our society.

What do you think about my story, cjveritas?

I think your story just opened the debate in my mind again. Especially the part about the love-hate-relationship with high heels (in the text-book an attraction to an inanimate object). I guess I have that too althought I am a bit older now and am making my peace with it.

I do think that the fact that you 'hated' heels first was somewhat of a psychological illusion perhaps created by your subconscious. Don't get angry just yet, don't mean to upset you but I do believe you still have this aspect in common with me. I too had a sort of 'hate' towards high heels when I was young. But I now know it was something I 'generated' because I wanted too react in the same way as my mother did to the sight of high heels. When your young you sort of 'emulate' emotions of your mother. The older you get the more you get psychologically detached from your mother.

I have to be honest I have never liked all this Freudian psychobabble. I suspect that for high heels lovers at first it even sound offensive, as it felt for me. The idea of a theory telling you your not free when your young and that your mother 'predestiny' for you. I still don't like Freud, but as I get older I try to stop lying to myself and accept that some things about the theory are just true. However there the similarities end. We are free-thinking people and the mind is a 'plyable' thing.

Your reply is much appreciated. But I see that you probably won't aswer that question for yourself either. Maybe that's what the high heels fetish is all about: never finding the true answer to the origin of your fetish.

Family are probably the most difficult to come out to as far as wearing high heels. The reality is that to change their opinions requires you to present yourself in a very stylish AND masculine manner. It's as much about you as it is the cloths you wear.

I'm actually lost in your questions at this point, but if you stop thinking about it as a fetish and just consider that it is a part of yourself that you can exploit to your benefit and you'll be a lot better off.

Well I can tell yout this: I don't have enough character to pull a masculine high heels style off and my environment is too steep to the 'concept'.

But you are right, but I knew this when I started the thread: we overthink it too much. Enjoy it or stop but either way choose something. I enjoy too much to stop but out and about is too much for me.

I do wonder now: do the girls on this forum fit 'the theory'? In the same or in 'reverse'?

[freestyle75]

Hmm.. dominant mother and absent father... my father was an airline pilot, so he was often away from home. Nonetheless, it didn't feel as he was "absent". In addition, I also don't recollect any particular scene in my early years that I would connect to heels. Quite to the contrary: My mom was wearing flats and sneakers all the time, and the only pair of heels she had was a pair that I considered totally ugly (still do). Quite honestly, I cannot pinpoint any event that could have triggered my love for heels. It more of evolved - I had seen a men's skirt in a shop window more than 13 years back, walked by and thought "no, you cannot wear something like that". It was the forbidden fruit that made things interesting and the question "how does it feel to wear something like this?". I walked by, walked back, walked in and got out with the skirt. It was back in 1999 when I ordered my first pair of heels from a mail order catalogue. Today I wouldn't touch them - 70s style, probably 2 inch plateau and very cheaply made. Why I ordered them? Because after the skirt, I again wondered how it would feel to wear something like this. I wanted to wear the highest heels that were out there. In the mail order catalogue Fast forward to today: I still like heels very much, as much as enjoy the variety that fashion as such has to offer. I also like fast cars, expensive watches and good food. I am not sure whether I would consider any of these a fetish - once you use your heels at least every weekend, they quickly lose that "forbidden" touch and become just another pair of shoes. Shoes that I cannot wear during the week to work (so they are still special), but nonetheless just shoes...

[SleekHeels]

I don't think we can generalise... for some guys wearing heels is empowering, for others it's degrading/humiliating, there's a whole spectrum of possibilities. A big factor is what age someone first identifies with heels, and how that evolves over time with your experiences, and that's different for everyone. I didn't have an absent father but he was very authoritarian, which I didn't relate to, so I would say I did have an absence of a positive male role-model. I wonder how other's who have said their father wasn't absent feel about that? Is it bad? I think there's nothing inherently bad about wearing high heels, but it can be bad if it's eating you up. I liked your phrase "you try to ‘make peace’", I can relate to that. I'm not a psychologist but I did go through a phase of reading psychology books to try and find some sort of explanation. I didn't find oone but I found clues I could piece together and that was helpful. Beware of looking for something to "blame" it on rather than simply explain it.

[pebblesf]

Hmmm, yes I had the strong mother/absent father thing...BUT, I don't remember ever being "interested/attracted" to any of my mother's shoes...My interests started at a young age with boots worn by both of my sisters...Futhermore, my brother was exposed to the same parental set up, and I know he has no interest in high heels and is straight...So, I have to believe that I was "hard wired at birth" to be gay, and be drawn to high heeled boots. In my case, I'm not afraid to say it is a definite sexual fetish, but also enjoy wearing women's boots and think I look better in them...In fact, I think that some men's masculinity can actually be amplified by combining masculine attire with powerful high heeled boots...

Does my family know about my love of boots, don't think so, but who knows...Seems doubtful that I will ever reveal this to them. but I am always trying to wear my boots more publicly because this makes me feel so liberated and at peace with myself.

Do I consider my fetish to be wrong? Definitely not.

I think most of us strive to solve the mystery/get the answers to the same questions you have posed. Again, I feel my love of boots is something I was hardwired with at birth, not something that was learned or caused by my home life...I am happy to just accept that boots are a big part of who I am, and that is OK...

[Steve63130]

Like others here, my interest in heels started out as a fetish, but not as a youngster. I was a senior in college when I got interested in heels, and only as a fetish. But after wearing them for 40-odd years, the fetish wore off, and I began to see them more as fashion, as art, as sculpture, and mostly as fun - something I never got from men's shoes. So I came up with the explanation that I was born with the "high heel" gene, like many others, male and female, and I might as well enjoy it, which I am, immensely. I've made quite a few friends here on this forum, and have met many of them in person. I am completely happy with myself, I feel privileged to be able to enjoy heeling in public when it's appropriate, and I'm grateful that my wife, family, and friends accept it as part of who I am. I would suggest that if your interest in heels is strictly fetish, maybe this forum isn't really the place for you. If your enjoyment is only sexually oriented, there are other forums out there that would better serve your interests. On the other foot, if you have a desire to be able to wear heels and enjoy them for the fun clothing they are, then this is definitely the forum for you, and welcome! Just my opinion. Please don't be offended in any way. Steve

[gallux]

As Steve said just above, the high heel fetish is more intense when it is something "forbidden", or something "that should not be", in our early age, since the parents are watching over you and might catch you anytime, and of course because you are in puberty, so sexual identity is being formed. As you grow old and independent, the enjoyment, amusement, fetish, starts to wear out, since it is no longer something forbidden, and become a part of your normal life, as it is for any women. This is why so few women are so attached to wearing high heels, or think of it as something thrilling. They mostly wear because it upgrades the appearance and make them feel sexy. So for a man that has the freedom to do this when he wants, it is just as entertaining as it is for any other woman. To me personally, since I don't have the freedom to wear female shoes or clothing whenever I want anymore, the fetish is becoming more intense again. So if you want to keep it as a fetish, I think you should put some thresholds or "sober" periods.

[Curt]

Not a fetish at all! I should be able to wear what I like, just like women wear whatever they want, and don't care what others think. I've been lucky to have open minded family and friends to allow me dress in a certain way. My friends like the look of me with knee-high boots over skinny jeans. Don't think for a second that heels are unacceptable for guys. In the high-fashion circles, men and women are walking down the runway in clothes that will never see the light of day in any department store. You can over-analize things too much. For example: I shop in a womans store because the clothes fit me good, and because I like the style. There's no such thing as crossdressing in my opinion. If there was, every woman out there would be guilty of it. Wear what you like, and feel good about yourself.

[cjveritas]

Hmm.. dominant mother and absent father... my father was an airline pilot, so he was often away from home. Nonetheless, it didn't feel as he was "absent". In addition, I also don't recollect any particular scene in my early years that I would connect to heels. Quite to the contrary: My mom was wearing flats and sneakers all the time, and the only pair of heels she had was a pair that I considered totally ugly (still do).

...once you use your heels at least every weekend, they quickly lose that "forbidden" touch and become just another pair of shoes. Shoes that I cannot wear during the week to work (so they are still special), but nonetheless just shoes...

In reply to the first: that's just my point is it not out of some reaction that we emulate after seeing our morther's reaction at a young age? The fact your mother did not wear high heels is perhaps it. That somewhere in your young subconscious a NO was registered on high heels because your mom seemed to have a NO on it herself, I emphasize 'seemed'. I am either right or wrong on this - that much I know.

In reply on the second: I fully agree here. Same with me. I can even almost put my clock to it: about a month of wearing a new pair and it is just another pair. When I think about it, it is almost like the streotype girl-response: "O, of course I still have those, but it is last years fashion...". However me too I do not part with them, at least not voluntarily, ha (read my story)!

I don't think we can generalise... for some guys wearing heels is empowering, for others it's degrading/humiliating, there's a whole spectrum of possibilities. A big factor is what age someone first identifies with heels, and how that evolves over time with your experiences, and that's different for everyone.

I didn't have an absent father but he was very authoritarian, which I didn't relate to, so I would say I did have an absence of a positive male role-model. I wonder how other's who have said their father wasn't absent feel about that?

Is it bad? I think there's nothing inherently bad about wearing high heels, but it can be bad if it's eating you up. I liked your phrase "you try to ‘make peace’", I can relate to that.

I'm not a psychologist but I did go through a phase of reading psychology books to try and find some sort of explanation. I didn't find oone but I found clues I could piece together and that was helpful. Beware of looking for something to "blame" it on rather than simply explain it.

Thank you. You really got the essence of my point. And I stand corrected: I did not keep in mind that there is in fact a spectrum.

But I do wonder. If I am honest with myself I must say that I am closer to 'degradinghumiliating' end of the spectrum than the 'empowering' end. Although that rather strongly put. I would choose 'timide/introvert/private passion" to my insight due to my upbringing. However how many like myself would tell this about and have such a moment of honesty? I think many (without putting any numbers on it) especially lie about it to themselves!? I think with age comes 'acceptance' and 'pragmatism' which tends to break down mind-barriers with put up for ourselves, at least in this respect.

At the same time: someone here said do not overthink it. I think it applies at all times. And then you realize that because you think about in this way it has become part of your life. And that can be quite scary for the 'non-empowering' end of the spectrum because you did not expect it in your 'lifetime'.

I would suggest that if your interest in heels is strictly fetish, maybe this forum isn't really the place for you. If your enjoyment is only sexually oriented, there are other forums out there that would better serve your interests. On the other foot, if you have a desire to be able to wear heels and enjoy them for the fun clothing they are, then this is definitely the forum for you, and welcome! Just my opinion. Please don't be offended in any way.

You would be but the sexual fetish is in equal part with romantic-, fashion feelings. Since early childhood.

Not a fetish at all! I should be able to wear what I like, just like women wear whatever they want, and don't care what others think. I've been lucky to have open minded family and friends to allow me dress in a certain way. My friends like the look of me with knee-high boots over skinny jeans.

Don't think for a second that heels are unacceptable for guys. In the high-fashion circles, men and women are walking down the runway in clothes that will never see the light of day in any department store.

You can over-analize things too much. For example: I shop in a womans store because the clothes fit me good, and because I like the style. There's no such thing as crossdressing in my opinion. If there was, every woman out there would be guilty of it.

Wear what you like, and feel good about yourself.

True, very true. But I lack the 'guts' for it, I just do. But I am also ok with that. In private suits me just fine.

[ilikekicks]

I don't think we can generalise... for some guys wearing heels is empowering, for others it's degrading/humiliating, there's a whole spectrum of possibilities.

Absolute truth right there.

A big factor is what age someone first identifies with heels, and how that evolves over time with your experiences, and that's different for everyone.

I can agree with this to.

I didn't have an absent father but he was very authoritarian, which I didn't relate to, so I would say I did have an absence of a positive male role-model. I wonder how other's who have said their father wasn't absent feel about that?

My step father and I used to get stoned together from when I was about.. 13? 14? Till recently. He quit toking. I wouldnt say we are ' close ' in most regards ( hes ass backwards on sooo many things it confuses me! ) but he wasnt what I would call a ' role model ' either.

To the Original Poster :

I dont see what I wear on my feet as being a ' fetish '. I wear heels, openly, and in front of anyone I know. Is it a ' part of a lifestyle '? I wouldnt say ' YES! ' due to if all my heels disappeared in 10 minutes, I would just grab whatever fits my feet in the house and go about my business as usual.

As SleekHeels said, its different for everyone. Maybe, in trying to find your ' peace ', if you dropped the term ' fetish ' and just look at your shoes ( all of them, even non-heels ) as just clothing you wear, it would clear your mind a bit and help you rationalize it all out from a fresh perspective.

Just a thought.

-Ilk

[shirazmn]

Let me give you my point of view: I have been interested in girls' clothing since I way 4. I remember I tried on my mom's shoes the first time when I was 5 and that curiosity came from a little girl that was with me at the nursery school that was wearing coloured thights and nice mary janes. I consider myself sort of a crossdresser because I like to wear women's clothes, but I don't feel the need to show my femininity (that doesn't exist) arouund. Even wearing a women's tracksuit at home while watching TV with my wife puts me in a relaxed state of mind. So, I said I don't feel the urge to wear women's clothes outside but heels are a different story. I like the feeling and I bought some chunky heels boots to be able to feel it outside. Overtime I asked myself why heels. And after years of thinking I think I found my answer: I am a dominant person in everyday life, I am opinionated, a team leader and I take pride in organizing events and I like the responsibility that comes with it. I like to provide for my wife, eve if she works, and I am happy this way. So, I must be strong and in control all day. I must be protective and able to protect, move fast when i need to. And that's hard in heels. High heels shoes switch my passive mode on almost automatically. On high heels I relax because for as long as I have them on I can't be in control and I put myself in that state of mind. I think my will to wear heels outside is a cry for an environment where I can give up control or at least give it up physically. I am sure that this is different for all of us anyway.

[cjveritas]

As SleekHeels said, its different for everyone. Maybe, in trying to find your ' peace ', if you dropped the term ' fetish ' and just look at your shoes ( all of them, even non-heels ) as just clothing you wear, it would clear your mind a bit and help you rationalize it all out from a fresh perspective. Just a thought. -Ilk

 

I just recently had such 'mental clearing'. So, point understood. Althought 'just' clothing is a bit to liberal for me. It's still shoe collection 1 and 2. Again it must be because of adulthood. I saw this differently as an adolescent and certainly as a teen.

[blueparrot]

 I'm not interested in other fm clothing at all, just some of their footwear.  In particular it seems I only really like certain boots and clogs.  I'm not especially attracted to pumps,sandals, or any other type of shoes at least for me.  I've had the attraction since childhood. 

[Dr. Shoe]

The question is is it a fetish or do you just like high heels?

 

Firstly, a fetish is any behaviour that's sexually motivated. Do you find it difficult or impossible to perform "sexual" functions without heels being involved? If your girlfriend told you she never wanted to wear heels again, would you dump her? Do heels rule your life?

 

I'm guessing that the answer to all of these questions is a no. If this is true then your question is irrelevant in any case.

 

FWIW, no one is really sure where fetishes come from. It could have something to do with what you were wearing or what you saw when you first had an erection. It is said to be a remnant of an evolutionary trait of imprinting where the pleasure centres are stimulated when you're about to have sex to encourage procreation. Nothing to do with dominant mothers or absent dads.

[Pumped]

I suppose for me it borders on fetish. I love it when my wife wears heels and I like wearing them too, but I do not need heels to perform sexually, but heels sure help get the fire going!

 

Would I dump her if she would not wear heels? No, but it would be a huge disappointment.

 

My wife and I have had discussions abut my love for heels and we are trying to figure out where is started, what triggered it. I doubt I will ever know. I do remember my mom wearing spike heels as a very young boy, maybe 3-4 years old. I remember trying on her shoes when I was a bit older. So it seems my interest started before I even remember.

[Gudulitooo]

Well I may suggest something that struck me last week.

 

What about I feel more confortable in heels (psychologically, physically, fashion, etc.), and that's all ?

Many women do wear heels even at an advanced age (I am not speaking of 4'' spike heels of course), just because they like it.

You could compare it with sneakers. They are confortable but not formal so you can't wear them to a job interview, period.

 

Women feeling confortable in heels can attend formal events in heels.

Women feeling confortable in sneakers cannot attend formal events in them, or maybe in wedge sneakers.. ?

 

(By the way, wedge sneakers are more sneakers than high heels, they have ultra soft sole and are ultra confortable shoes.)

 

As for men, both sneakers and heels are not available as formal footwear.

Yet also many others confortable things (accessories, clothes, hygiena, etc.) are not going to help the job interview, yet we accept to forget about these things. So why bother specifically for the shoes ?

 

I assume you can change "confortable" for "fashionable" in this post without changing the meaning.

[dww]

Only thing I can add for me it is not a fetish, nothing to do with my mum sisters or anything else, I just think I was born with it, and noway can I stop, well I can for a few months then it takes over again, wish I knew why.

[Jkrenzer]

That's why it's a fetish like - you are addicted. I have no problem referring to my love of heels as fetish. I wear them and I like seeing others with them on. I get some additional arousal wearing them as I know many women do too.

[Amanda]

That's why it's a fetish like - you are addicted. I have no problem referring to my love of heels as fetish. I wear them and I like seeing others with them on. I get some additional arousal wearing them as I know many women do too.

 

You're so naughty, that's just an assumption .....who's been telling you that?

[Jkrenzer]

You're so naughty, that's just an assumption .....who's been telling you that?

assumption is it?

[wedgemao]

this is an interesting topic....

personally I think I have always been attracted in some ways to high heels (I remember being thrilled by looking at dancers in clubs and their boots...well not only at the boots i was looking at actually....) but never actually have the idea of trying heels on untill 2011 when I started to have an ever increasing interest in wedge boots/ sandals/ wedge sneakers...

I have always encouraged my wife in wearing high heels and she is a heel lover so we often choose her heels together...

funny thing is that every once in a while we do discuss about who is getting too many shoes in the closet...

[ilikekicks]

You're so naughty, that's just an assumption .....who's been telling you that?

 

[ LIKE! ]

 

Probably my cheating wife! I found his wallet laying on the floor.. in my bedroom.. must have left in a hurry..  LOL!

[jetheelsfan]

My first "inclination" to girl's shoes was in kindergarten whe the game we were playing delt with items of clothing being worn.  Whe the call for "black patent shoes" was made; I responded as I had on black shoes and it was explained to me that girls wore black patent and boys didn't.  I was shown the difference as a girl with black patent mary-janes had to show me.  I think that was the early trigger but I never played in Moms shoes that I remember.  I do remember playing with a pair once using them as a hi-way saw-horse baracade with my trucks and blocks - but never remember trying to walk in them.  My Dad was not a high heel enthusiast and I believe he did not allow Mom to wear the "tooth-pick" heels as he called them.  My first inclination of wanting to try a pair of girl;s footware was the advent of the "Parisian White GoGo Boots" of 1965 when I was around 12 years old.  I really liked the sleek look from the calf, to the one inch plastic "clicking" heel, to the pointed toe.  The girls who wore those really caught my attention in a "different" way than I had ever seen them before.  I started looking in the Aldens Catalog at especially girls shoes and saw "She'll Feel So Grown-Up In Her 'FIRST HEELS'."  They were described a having sleek 'jet heels' "just a little bit higher to delight her; yet low enough for healthful foot comfort."  I think that was when I was in 6th grade and the following year - some of the girls were in their 'first heels" during the day.  Years later, I realized those catalog first heels were actually for girls from about age 6 up and the classmates were actually in "women's size" shoes with little stilettos - kitten heels in todays vernacular.  It was about this time I tried my Mom's shoes the first time to discover her size 6 was way too small for me.  My first chance as in he mother's - grandmothers - quarter strap open toe pumps with a tapered block heel.  Thankfully they were sturdy as I enjoyed walking in them and especially walking only on the heels with the toes up - ah that balancing act  (every so often, I have noticed youngsters doing that very thing in theirs).  My actual first pair were not high at 1 1/8" but were so "thrilling" from Mongomery Ward catalog in a size 10B.  The were tight but did fit for a while while I was in college.  I added pairs of size 10s and they became tighter and tighter until I tried size 11's and then 12's which are now almost too tight to get on.  Lately I have found the "new world of 13" at Payless to now accomodate my present size after many years of hiatus of being able to wear.  Now I guess it has started again with more boldness of trying them on in public.  I just like the feel of the heel as I always imagined and finally accomplished as a late teen.  Maybe it was Dad's attitude of "how can they walk on theose toothpicks with out breaking an ankle" that stirred my interest to find out - just as the low block heel became the raging style of the 70's

 

Glad those days have been missing for the last several years but it seems many women lost the interest in real heels when the style returned.  So sad so many miss out on the joy heels seemed to bring my peers in the mid 60's as they explored their new world form a loftier perch - for only a couple of more years. 

[hhboots]

Lots of good posts here.  I didn't notice this thread until now, but definitely some good reading.  I'm sure I answered this ages ago in another thread, so I'll try to make this reply shorter.  As others have said, it was fetish at the start, and has evolved over time into just being a part of me and don't consider it to be so anymore (that early excitement is not there any more). 

 

Anyway, I started to notice heels and being fascinated with them at maybe 10 or so.  There was occasional heels worn by my sisters and mom, but I don't think there was much impact from heels just yet. It wasn't until I met and spent time with my best friends' sister.  I had quite a crush on her and she rocked 4"+ heels almost daily.  I spent the night at my best friends' house pretty often around the age of 11-16, and have to admit, as time went on, I was there more and more to see his sister  .

 

So, there was this time (I was maybe age 12), at one of my sleepovers she was away at her friends and I managed to spend some time in her room alone.  I snooped around for a while (I know, bad).  Anyway, I eventually went over to her closet and tried on some of her heels, and amazingly they fit me like a glove and I was able to stand and walk in them like it was nothing.  I was in heaven, and that was the moment that did it for me.  Within a year, I managed to get my own pair to keep around the house stashed away, and from there its all history.

 

Today I wear them almost daily, and it's not a big deal anymore, anyway, I'll leave it there...

[jetheelsfan]

I don't know what I would have done If I had had the chance you had at 12 HHBOOTS, I never did get a chance to try the GoGo Boots that got my attention.  Congratulations

[trickrider1]

For me it is both fetish and practical everyday wear.  Over the last fifteen years I've almost completely ceased buying any kind of shoe or boot that is a "men's" style.  From the practical standpoint it is for better fit, my feet are small and rather narrow and women's shoes fit much better.  However, there is a deep satisfaction that simply comes from wearing women's styles even though most of my closet and certainly what I wear on a daily basis are very unisex looking.  But then there is the true fetish part where it is definitely exciting to wear truly serious, if not radical heels for the challenge and thrill of it.  But to explain how this has all come to be or what factors in my upbringing may have had an effect is simply without answers.

As for women wearing heels, I like it, but many traditional heel styles actually do very little for me and are sometimes a turnoff.  On the other hand a sweet lady wearing cowboy boots will catch my eye every time, but that comes partly from a huge love of horses and the western lifestyle and everything that goes with that.  I certainly love to see my wife wear heels, however, this ability has been seriously threatened at least for awhile following a severe ankle fracture last year.... fortunately she can wear her cowboy boots and that is good.

[Guest]

You're so naughty, that's just an assumption .....who's been telling you that?

I think it was you Amanda during a conversation with Roz, many many moons ago. If you still keep contact with her, I hope she is well. Al