Negative terms that create problems

[Tech]

Today I've seen a member post that he has been out with his "accepting" girlfriend and have seen others say "My accepting wife"...

Why does your footwear have to be "accepted"?

I wish everybody would stop using these derogatory terms to describe what you put on your feet like you have some sort of disease!

What terms do you personally use and/or have seen others use that create negative images that shouldn't exist?

[Shyheels]

I am a writer. Words matter to me. I make a point of trying not to use loaded words and phrasing. Having spent years in journalism - old fashioned journalism, that is, where accuracy, balance and nuance mattered - I have learned to keep an eye out for such words and phrases and avoid them. I had old school editors drilling this into me from the start of my career many years ago. These little things matter because they help establish an overall tone.

If wearing heels by men is ever to be normalised in society it needs to be normalised first and foremost by those of the vanguard who wear them. 

Edited March 26, 2019 by Shyheels

[at9]

In the 20th century when trousers started to be routinely worn by women, there was substantial opposition. Followed by acceptance.

[Shyheels]

Indeed. And the women who broke the mold, starting with the female cyclists of the 1890s, simply got on with it and wore them.

[at9]

Were these women seeking acceptance? Did they have "accepting" husbands or boyfriends?

[Shyheels]

Not as far as I know.  I don't believe they worried about it - or if they did, they didn't allow such considerations to sway them.  

[Tech]

8 hours ago, at9 said:

Were these women seeking acceptance? Did they have "accepting" husbands or boyfriends?

I'd like to think it wasn't even a "thing", they just did it and so be it... It didn't need "accepting" as they didn't view themselves as doing anything wrong or having anything wrong with them?

[Shyheels]

Exactly! They were what we should aspire to be - fearless and by sheer force of character they carried it off.

[meganiwish]

22 hours ago, Shyheels said:

I am a writer. Words matter to me. I make a point of trying not to use loaded words and phrasing. Having spent years in journalism - old fashioned journalism, that is, where accuracy, balance and nuance mattered - I have learned to keep an eye out for such words and phrases and avoid them. I had old school editors drilling this into me from the start of my career many years ago. These little things matter because they help establish an overall tone.

If wearing heels by men is ever to be normalised in society it needs to be normalised first and foremost by those of the vanguard who wear them. 

Orwell suggested that one should avoid using phrases that one is used to seeing in print.  I'd suggest that 'My accepting. . .' is one such phrase.  That's the language bit.

If you want to be mainstream, do what the mainstream wants.  If you want to be avant-garde, do something out of the mainstream.  The price of being avant-garde is accepting some opprobrium.

[Cali]

The word BUT in

"Men as men but in heels"

Should be just "Men as men in heels"

[HappyinHeels]

All,

I figured I'd chime into this curious conversation by including some source material from the online Merriam-Webster dictionary which is an indispensable tool for anyone learning English as well as we native speakers;

accepting

adjective

ac·cept·ing | \ ik-ˈsep-tiŋ

 

, ak-\

Definition of accepting

 

1 : able or willing to accept something or someone : inclined to regard something or someone with acceptance rather than with hostility or fear —often + of I had become more accepting of death as an inevitable and natural part of life …— Nigel Farndalem

2 : tending to regard different types of people and ways of life with tolerance and acceptance His parents are very accepting people.

 

If it is the goal of anyone, whilst trying to find their rightful place in the world, to gain trust and respect then I think the second meaning is especially relevant. Whether it was the struggle of blacks in the 1960's to get equal rights, of Native Americans/First Nations peoples over the last 200 years, or of the entire GBLTQ community all over the world during the last 30 years to cite just three examples then it is precisely the right adjective one would hope for. 

There is also a certain truth to the first meaning of it as it relates to heels and men. We have all seen posts by members describing their spouse or girlfriend as barely tolerating wearing of heels but eventually it led to "acceptance" simply because the spouse/girlfriend had come to realise it was a natural and inevitable part of their partner's identity. If initially you are hostile towards something or someone but over time no longer show animosity or resistance then it could be said you have, in fact, become accepting. That does not mean the same as embracing the idea but the lack of hostility is I think what these posters are conveying when they use that word. I really don't think this rises to the level of negative anything. People just want to differentiate from what they used to experience to what they now experience. I will, however, say that for heels to become a normal part of the background we should be less hung up on words and more focused on being seen in the world. More walking and less talking about walking. May your stride be long and your heels high. HappyinHeels

 

Edited March 29, 2019 by HappyinHeels
omit word

[jeremy1986]

6 hours ago, HappyinHeels said:

I will, however, say that for heels to become a normal part of the background we should be less hung up on words and more focused on being seen in the world. More walking and less talking about walking. May your stride be long and your heels high. HappyinHeels

 

Always the voice of reason around here. Well done HiH!

[Tech]

10 hours ago, HappyinHeels said:

I will, however, say that for heels to become a normal part of the background we should be less hung up on words and more focused on being seen in the world. More walking and less talking about walking. May your stride be long and your heels high. HappyinHeels

Perfectly said. Sadly for every 1 person taking a picture of themselves out in the real world, far too many are hiding away in their bedrooms taking 1000 pictures of their feet, thinking anybody cares about it. In 15 years, I "think" I can count on just my hands, how many members actually "Just get on with it" instead of hiding indoors.

[p1ng74]

56 minutes ago, Tech said:

In 15 years, I "think" I can count on just my hands, how many members actually "Just get on with it" instead of hiding indoors.

:O no wonder people are saying to me “I’ve never seen a guy wear heels before.”  Twelve men have walked on the moon, and we don’t even know ten that wear heels in public?  Guys, if you are holding out, you are missing out on an opportunity to walk on the moon, without any of the risks.  

[HappyinHeels]

Tech + p1ng74 et al,

Well said. There is simply no substitute to getting out into the world. I am not an "easy on the eyes" man by any stretch but it is amazing how, after wearing heels for a few years, I started to get noticed and complimented. That can't happen when one is penned up in an apartment or house. And once any of you who have been hiding indoors take that first step outside you will ask yourself, "why the hell did I wait so long?" Then  you'll realise all the money you've spent on shoes or other things you wear with them only for an audience of one and ask yourself, "What the hell was I thinking?" From my perspective I first met members Spikesmike and benrheels and iloveboots at a Chicago restaurant in 2013 followed by Steve63130 and mlroseplant and Cali in years after that and have seen how they enjoy life OUTSIDE the confines of the apartment or house. They have seen me as well and we all know the pleasures of interaction away from the mirror. Why should what we already know be limited to a few when so many more could get out there and "get on with it"??  We should measure 2019 here at HHP by the number of members who finally stepped away from the mirror and out into the world where they belong. Let's see how many more will break out of their shell and discover what we already know. That may be the enduring legacy of this forum indeed. HappyinHeels

[mlroseplant]

On 3/25/2019 at 9:27 PM, Tech said:

Today I've seen a member post that he has been out with his "accepting" girlfriend and have seen others say "My accepting wife"...

Why does your footwear have to be "accepted"?

I wish everybody would stop using these derogatory terms to describe what you put on your feet like you have some sort of disease!

What terms do you personally use and/or have seen others use that create negative images that shouldn't exist?

I guess I never thought of "accepting" as being a negative term. I would use the term "begrudging" with my wife. I kind of say that in jest, maybe about 80% kidding, as I seem to have worn her down over the past several years. It has become a seldom discussed topic, it is just an everyday part of our lives. However, I would love to make it up to "accepting!" Seriously, I do understand what you're saying, but I guess I just don't make a big deal about it any more. I don't even get upset when people refer to me as wearing "women's" shoes. Whatever.

18 hours ago, Tech said:

Perfectly said. Sadly for every 1 person taking a picture of themselves out in the real world, far too many are hiding away in their bedrooms taking 1000 pictures of their feet, thinking anybody cares about it. In 15 years, I "think" I can count on just my hands, how many members actually "Just get on with it" instead of hiding indoors.

Can this possibly be right? I know I'm a small minority, but I didn't think I was quite that small of a minority, particularly here at HHP. As an aside, I don't really see the point of pictures of just feet, unless they are accompanied by other photos to show the whole of the outfit, and the foot picture is meant to show a closeup of the shoes (New Shoes/New Boots thread excepted). Evidently, some people like them.

[SF]

For the past 20 years I have “just gotten on with it,” wearing heel in public, that is....  Never looked back and proud that I did.  

Have fun...  sf

[Shyheels]

I certainly wear my knee and over-the-knee boots over my skinny jeans as a regular thing and have never drawn so much as a sidelong glance. 

[HappyinHeels]

Your over-the-knee boots are merely a sideshow to the main event; your vocabulary! Sometimes I go to play the word game and see you're the last post and my jaw just drops . I just defer in awestruck wonder; "Who IS this guy???"  It's my sidelong scratch of the head HinH

[Shyheels]

Thanks! I’m just a writer who loves his palette of words...

Edited March 31, 2019 by Shyheels

[Puffer]

I have only just chanced on this thread and have to say that I am surprised that it was started.   Where is the harm in describing someone as 'accepting' in this context, if that is the case - and indeed welcome?   It is not a negative term unless one is unduly sensitive to the potential of the opposite situation, i.e. one of disapproval if not condemnation.   OK, maybe a better and more positive concept would be 'approving', but there is a valid difference between tolerance and appreciation - and we must respect that in the minds of our 'audience' - wives and girlfriends included.

As I grow older (and I hope a little wiser), I find myself increasingly concerned at the growing importance that the world (and his wife!) gives to words, ascribing pejorative if not downright offensive motives to almost anything said or written.   I do not condone overt racist, sexist or other discriminatory or offensive conduct, but I do despair when use of the 'wrong' word is considered a greater crime (literally) than would be a physical attack on someone, or an action which deprived someone of a job, or property, or money.   And am I allowed to wince (let alone object) when I see the hi-jacked word' gay' used, and seemingly only now used, to relate to the homosexual community, rather than in any traditional way to mean 'bright, cheerful, jolly ...' etc etc?    Or long-established words such as 'mankind', 'black', 'queer', 'chink' regarded as beyond the pale because some consider that they can only be offensive?

The English language is rich in words and expressions and is a sharp and versatile tool that can be used to create and enhance much in life.   To be sure, like any tool it requires careful handling if its users are not to injure themselves, or others, but that is not to say that it should be so hedged around with taboos or other restrictions that no-one is willing to handle it.   Sticks and stones ... 

Perhaps it would be better if we concentrated on improving the accuracy and clarity of our writing and speech, in terms of presentation, vocabulary, spelling and grammar.   Poor communication, if not miscommunication, so often undermines what is otherwise something worth reading or hearing - and that is as true of this board as it is of anything else.

[Shyheels]

It does seem to be that outrage is now considered to rank among the noblest of human emotions and that the world - particular those on Twitter - is only too eager to take offence. 

[mlroseplant]

47 minutes ago, Puffer said:

Perhaps it would be better if we concentrated on improving the accuracy and clarity of our writing and speech, in terms of presentation, vocabulary, spelling and grammar.   Poor communication, if not miscommunication, so often undermines what is otherwise something worth reading or hearing - and that is as true of this board as it is of anything else.

I apologize if my clarity is sometimes lacking. I know that my sentences are full of parentheticals, thoughts off to the side, and so forth. There is a good reason why I have a thread entitled "The Ruminations of Melrose Plant." To know me is to love waiting for me to finish the end of my sentence. I shall try to do better in the future.

[Shyheels]

Dr Johnson described an essay as a 'loose sally of the mind; an irregular undigested piece" and Montaigne was famous for his rambling digressions so you're in good company!

[Puffer]

1 hour ago, mlroseplant said:

I apologize if my clarity is sometimes lacking. I know that my sentences are full of parentheticals, thoughts off to the side, and so forth. There is a good reason why I have a thread entitled "The Ruminations of Melrose Plant." To know me is to love waiting for me to finish the end of my sentence. I shall try to do better in the future.

I don't think that you have anything to apologise for!   Your posts are invariably literate, interesting and informative.   And, if (when!) they become tangential, I for one usually enjoy the meandering.   My comment above was primarily aimed at those with rambling tales (especially without proper paragraphing and punctuation) or who fail to carry out any reasonable proof-reading.

Oh for the days when everything was inscribed by hand on vellum by patient monks!   And then along came Mr Caxton ... and whoever lays claim to the (not-so) smartphone.

[pebblesf]

On ‎3‎/‎30‎/‎2019 at 7:34 AM, mlroseplant said:

I guess I never thought of "accepting" as being a negative term. I would use the term "begrudging" with my wife. I kind of say that in jest, maybe about 80% kidding, as I seem to have worn her down over the past several years. It has become a seldom discussed topic, it is just an everyday part of our lives. However, I would love to make it up to "accepting!" Seriously, I do understand what you're saying, but I guess I just don't make a big deal about it any more. I don't even get upset when people refer to me as wearing "women's" shoes. Whatever.

Can this possibly be right? I know I'm a small minority, but I didn't think I was quite that small of a minority, particularly here at HHP. As an aside, I don't really see the point of pictures of just feet, unless they are accompanied by other photos to show the whole of the outfit, and the foot picture is meant to show a closeup of the shoes (New Shoes/New Boots thread excepted). Evidently, some people like them.

I hear ya buddy....I hope the day will come that my better half will get to the "begrudging" stage when it comes to my boots.   I do my best not to bet bogged down with words here, we are all at different stages of heeling confidence, and our situations are quite different.  My home situation is difficult, but I am very fortunate to have a job that allows me the time to wear my boots publicly.  I still have a long way to go, but am making progress.  I am hoping that all participants of this forum will feel encouraged to discuss/ask questions without feeling judged....

[mlroseplant]

3 hours ago, Shyheels said:

Dr Johnson described an essay as a 'loose sally of the mind; an irregular undigested piece" and Montaigne was famous for his rambling digressions so you're in good company!

 

1 hour ago, Puffer said:

I don't think that you have anything to apologise for!   Your posts are invariably literate, interesting and informative.   And, if (when!) they become tangential, I for one usually enjoy the meandering.   My comment above was primarily aimed at those with rambling tales (especially without proper paragraphing and punctuation) or who fail to carry out any reasonable proof-reading.

Oh for the days when everything was inscribed by hand on vellum by patient monks!   And then along came Mr Caxton ... and whoever lays claim to the (not-so) smartphone.

It's always hard to tell in print, but now you know beyond any doubt that my post was a joke. How do you British folks say it? I was winding you up a bit, or something close to that. Here in the States, we would say I was poking you in the ribs. I don't know if that translates directly, but it probably does. I always enjoy both y'all's responses to anything here on the site.

[Puffer]

8 hours ago, mlroseplant said:

 

It's always hard to tell in print, but now you know beyond any doubt that my post was a joke. How do you British folks say it? I was winding you up a bit, or something close to that. Here in the States, we would say I was poking you in the ribs. I don't know if that translates directly, but it probably does. I always enjoy both y'all's responses to anything here on the site.

I'm thinking that this is really the joke posting!   (We could go round in circles for ever now!!)

Yes, old boy, we British chaps do understand 'winding up' and being given a 'poke [or dig] in the ribs'.   Other suitable expressions we use are: 'taking the mickey', 'taking the piss', 'having one's leg pulled' and 'making a monkey of', amongst others.    If the concept is more akin to being thoroughly misled, the expression is 'being led up the garden path'.  

[meganiwish]

On 3/30/2019 at 2:02 PM, Shyheels said:

I certainly wear my knee and over-the-knee boots over my skinny jeans as a regular thing and have never drawn so much as a sidelong glance. 

Mind you, there's some stiff competition for sidelong glances where you live.  Merely wearing boots puts you in the situation of Accrington Stanley playing against Brazil

[jeremy1986]

On 3/30/2019 at 2:34 PM, mlroseplant said:

I guess I never thought of "accepting" as being a negative term. I would use the term "begrudging" with my wife. I kind of say that in jest, maybe about 80% kidding, as I seem to have worn her down over the past several years. It has become a seldom discussed topic, it is just an everyday part of our lives. However, I would love to make it up to "accepting!" Seriously, I do understand what you're saying, but I guess I just don't make a big deal about it any more. I don't even get upset when people refer to me as wearing "women's" shoes. Whatever.

 

Totally with you buddy!