Jeffrey Campbell, Telling the GF and Halloween

[las]

Hi everyone!

I still browse/lurk as I used to, and am happy to still see a number of old faces on the boards

This might be a long thread - I have a few things that are distracting my mind big-time recently, and where best to raise and discuss them than HHP? I would be so grateful for any advice or commentary on anything in this thread!

As the topic title suggests, there are 3 things on my mind, as follows:

1) Jeffrey Campbell Lita's

• So I received an email from Solestruck a couple of weeks ago that these shoes The Damned Lita Man were back in stock! I don't recall signing up to that... well, it must have been me - it's hard to find a UK 12 in a nice pair of heels/boots, and these certainly fit the bill! I ordered a US 13 (EU 46) which promptly arrived in the UK. Unfortunately, they didn't fit so good and were too large. They're currently on eBay (UK) if anyone wants them - and instead ordered a US 11, which should arrive in the next week. I'm crazy excited by the prospect, as I've already had 2 complete heel purges in the last 12 months, and as many of you will agree, it's not something that we can "get out of our system" and the feelings/desire will return... hence taking the plunge on these JCs!
• I've not worn heels outside (apart from once in a club in London with another forum-goer years ago) and due to my 6"2 stature it would be hard to do so without drawing attention, and have only every really worn them inside when alone - which has worked great for me so far. I think the plan with the Lita's is the same, but of course I wonder what it would be like to wear them out. <insert desire for courage>
• Anyway, hopefully they'll fit... tbc!

2) Telling the GF

• I finally met a lovely girl (my first!) via a dating app last Easter. She's 5 years younger than me, and we hit it off straight away. Around this time I still had about a dozen pairs of shoes in my collection (currently: 0) and they were cleverly hidden around the house. We would see each other every weekend (living in different towns) and she never (to my knowledge) found any of them. Last Christmas I asked her to move in with me as her work contract was up and I knew she could find work easily in this town. (she did) I immediately had a massive purge - 2, in fact - to whittle my collection down to 0 usable pairs. (I still have 1 in the garage from my past club outing, but they are really falling apart)
• She is a lovely young lady and we have been in a relationship for almost 18 months; living together for just over half that time too - so there is no doubt we can get along etc. She rarely wears (high) heels, but has a few nice pairs of boots that are usually seen in the winter. Unfortunately, she has suffered in the past from anxiety attacks, depression etc, and I cannot imagine how she would react knowing how I admire high heels - let alone have owned some and would at least like to wear them to some degree indoors. I feel that it would take her back to a dark place if she knew my little secret; obviously, conversely, it might be no problem!
• I have read most of the various threads over the years that cover massively similar subjects about discussing/telling your SO, and whilst massively inspiring and brilliant reads - I still have no idea how on earth I would approach the subject with my lady. I have already tried purging, but this did not work - I would love to tell her about the JCs but I fear her reaction and how damaging it would be for our relationship. I think that she may fear for my masculinity - but heels are all that I am interested in - and they're just shoes, right?

3) Halloween

• This fabled event is soon upon us once more - except that this time, for the first time in my life there are 2 possible events on the horizon that might make it "acceptable" to wear heels in public. My employer is holding a fancy dress day at the end of the month - I'm not usually the kind of person to participate in events like these... but recently I realised that life is too short, and I would like to try it! Similarly, my girlfriend told me just tonight that a work colleague of hers is having an 80s-themed birthday party next month, and we're (probably) invited. Surely this is an excellent chance for some heeling? How should I approach this?

So these things are what's bothering me lately - heeling opportunities aside, given the length of time we have been together and not yet had any "secrets?" discussions, I think it is still plausible for a reveal that should not damage the relationship too badly (re: trust) - but I'd really like a second opinion. I think my other 2 problems can be resolved as part of the discussion that needs to take place and any "middle ground" that can be agreed upon - but I'd still really appreciate any fancy dress/costume ideas involving heels/JCs!

Thanks for reading & regards

 

[ANDROgenius]

Hi Ias,

heeling opportunities come and go. My point of view is that it could work. To ensure this you should "test the waters". Start talking about dressing for the events. If she likes David Bowie, show her this Google pic search  , if she like 80´s Rock/Heavy Metal music, show her this or that . If she like Prince - no problem: here you are . In the case you want to go wild: here you are  . Not far enough? Try this one (RIP Lux Interoir from The Cramps - godfather of a wild life)

Be prepared! Know what you will need. A wig from from Amazon, some 70´s/80´s vintage clothes. Dress to impress!

Regarding the two opportunities you mentioned: I think the first step is to know and ensure that it will a "wild party"! This is about her reputation. Make her feel comfortable. Make her your partner in crime 

If testing the waters does not work: how about the fetish scene? Or the goth scene?

 

Please update me on your thoughts!

 

[las]

Hi Androgenius,

Thanks for your reply & great range of ideas!

Definitely a fan of the Motley Crue boots like these; Bowie has certainly worn some great boots in his time too. She mentioned KISS earlier today, so now I need to do some research and present some ideas. 

Ended up buying these last night on sale, not a clue if they'll fit... but may come in handy. Also super interested in these awesome boots that would probably work in a KISS outfit.

Should I just keep testing costume ideas and shoes etc, and/or "come out" about my fondness for boots/heels too? Seems like an appropriate time for it, probably? I'll probably wait until sometime next week when the new JCs and hank studs come in, and hopefully they both fit well!

As for the fetish scene, I imagine it's all in London. Honestly not sure on either, but I'm up for (almost) anything these days, but highly unlikely she'd feel the same way. Again, it's one of those things that I can only find out about if I ask her... but the problem is how badly that scares me and how she will react to all of this.

[Chorlini]

Seems like such a complicated way to find out if she's okay with you wearing heels or not. It seems like all approaches/ideas come down to the same thing, summoning the courage to ask her if she's okay with it. The rest seems just complicated scenarios to help you find the right moment/time. Might as well skip the whole complicated nonsense and go straight to the question as there usually never is a right moment/time. Either she's okay with it or not. If she says no it might save you the whole complicated hassle. And if you go through all the complicated hassle and you find out she's still not okay with it then all of that would have been for nothing anyway. 

 

It might have been better if you had asked her this before she quit her previous job and moved in with you. There was already some investment into the relationship on her part and it would have made any potential breakup a whole lot less messy. Besides, how would you feel if at this point in the relationship she came up with a revelation that might have you sit up and reconsider everything?

[at9]

 

As for the fetish scene, I imagine it's all in London.

If you are interested in the fetish scene it's certainly not all in London. There's quite a bit going on in Kent, as well as the Midlands and elsewhere. This forum is not the place to discuss the fetish and BDSM scenes but if you look on Fetlife you will find out more.

But as others have suggested, just because you like high heels, doesn't mean that you've any interest at all in fetish, BDSM or any other subculture.

[pebblesf]

LAS, we all know that purging does not work for us heel lovers, it's in our blood.  Chorlini's comments are surely valid, but that is water under the bridge now, she is living with you. 

In any event, I think that the office party would be a great excuse to introduce her to your love of heels.  I would go for those great goth boots you pictured with the heels, along with some sort of Bowie outfit.  But, it is so important that you are able to handle those heels confidently, and will you be OK sharing this outfit with co workers?  Just go ahead and put the outfit together on your own, then introduce it to her before the party.  Ask her if she likes how you look, then you can let her know that you like the way you look and feel also.  You will know pretty quickly how she feels.  I'm sure you will get positive comments from your coworkers, hopefully that will help influence your girl friend's acceptance. 

I know you want this relationship to work, but it is probably not going to work out if your girl friend can't accept/like your love of heels.  I just wish I was not speaking from experience.  Be strong, get going on that outfit, let us know how it goes buddy!

Don

[Histiletto]

Hey! LAS,

If you really want to be with this person, it is time to start having these discussions with her. When she can or can't still see you as her knight in shining armor while your wearing heels, then you'll have the right answers to your questions. However, today's answer doesn't mean it will always be that way. You'll have to be even more attentive to her so as to at least match your need for wearing heels and even this is no guarantee one way or the other. Most importantly is the matter of honestly being who you are. Facades can be peeled away, especially in a relationship. If you are expending efforts and/or thoughts to hide something, this becomes reinforcement material for destroying whatever your intentions for true happiness might have come.

[LuvyourShoes]

To echo many here, I suggest you go ahead and tell her. Find a way to bring it up in conversation. Talk about a Halloween drag show or rock stars in heels or some tv show that has men in heels, then ask her for her thoughts until eventually you ask her if she thinks you could pull off heels for halloween. From there you can tell her that you've always been interested in heels in your own way. 

She'll ask the standard questions:

Are you gay? Does your family know? Do you wear them out? Do you wear other womens clothes? 

Be prepared for this.

In the future,  the earlier you discuss this topic the relationship the better. If she doesn't feel comfortable with it there's less stuff to go through. 

Good luck! 

[las]

To echo many here, I suggest you go ahead and tell her. Find a way to bring it up in conversation. Talk about a Halloween drag show or rock stars in heels or some tv show that has men in heels, then ask her for her thoughts until eventually you ask her if she thinks you could pull off heels for halloween. From there you can tell her that you've always been interested in heels in your own way.

Hi, thanks so much for your reply - this is stellar advice. I think I will try to tell her this weekend, on Sunday as it's her day off - we can discuss ideas for the 80s party next month and this can be worked into the conversation.

Thanks to the other posters too; @pebblesf I'd need to buy those chunky boots, but am having a really hard time with Solestruck's sizing. Received the US 11 Lita's today and the hank boots - the Lita's are quite tight fitting and I can't fit into the hank boots. (didn't really expect to!) Unsure whether to order a third pair of Lita's in US 12 which should finally fit better. Will probably ring their customer support and discuss options. I think if I (had &) wore the "goth" boots then I'd feel less uncomfortable in front of coworkers over the Lita's, for example! Sorry to hear about your previous experience in this situation - hope you are happy/ier now?

@Chorlini I completely see your point but I think that if this did turn out to be a huge problem then we'd work it out, somehow. I doubt she would have any such similar revelation, but the thought excites me! She is at such an early stage in her life/career that if my revelation were such an issue that she'd want to leave, she can move back home - whether she'd want to or not is another story.

@Histiletto This is also a great post, thanks for sharing this.

[maninpumps]

I am not a boot fan however , I do own 3 pair and I must say the Lita's

 would be a style I would wear . Thanks for posting !

[las]

Hi @maninpumps - the Lita's are very comfortable but I went down a size to achieve a snug fit.

So last night (Sunday) the GF and I had a couple of short conversations about costumes/fancy dress (mainly as my work event is less than 2 weeks away) and we moved from KISS to Motley Crue, for myself. This was easy as she thought the KISS look was over the top, and I said the new rock boots I had weren't similar with their style of platform boots.

She agreed I could probably pull off the Crue look, using this image as the reference but she assumed without the shoes when I asked her if she thinks I would pull off the "whole outfit." She said I could wear the lipstick if I liked - I said it's probably not necessary and that I was more interested in the rest of the outfit. I said it could be fun and be a stand-out at the party; she immediately said that she would not like any attention like this at all, and that "men in heels, just no!" And that "wearing heels is hard" and "you can't just put them on walk." I retorted that there's 2 weeks left for me to practice then! She said she could not tell if I was joking or not, and was halfway to bed by this point so I went to the bathroom.

Tonight is going to be tough to resurrect this conversation!

[freestyle75]

 "men in heels, just no!" [...]

And you still want to resurrect the conversation?!

Most girls dislike their boyfriend wearing heels, some tolerate it, very few embrace it. I guess with the comment she made, you are in the "dislike" section. Of course feel free to resurrect the conversation, but I don't think that the outcome will change. Even if you talk her into allowing you to wear heels for Halloween, the underlying "just no" thingy will still be there. Three future fun scenarios:

1. You ditch the heels and become plain vanilla. All is good, you marry her and live happily ever after.
2. You don't ditch the heels, but also never manage to come clean with her. But you like her too much, so you marry her, have a couple of children, build a huge heels collection somewhere hidden in the new house you bought. 10+ years later she finds your heels collection. You come clean, she divorces you and you are broke. Broke - but at least you still got your heels.
3. During halloween, she falls down a staircase, hits her head and when waking up again, suddenly likes you to wear only heels. Her first words after recovering are "Men in heels, yes, yes, yeeeeess!!!"

Number 3 is very unlikely. You will probably end up with #2, like some people in this forum. Sad, but true.

I am still single, which causes some problems, but definitely also gets rid of many others ...  in any case: GOOD LUCK!

[Steve63130]

Scenario 1 is unlikely also. You may ditch the heels and become plain vanilla, and you may marry her, but if she won't accept you in heels, you will never be happy ever after. You will be miserable. This forum is replete with stories from guys who have purged their shoe collections, but the urge to wear heels never went away. It's how your brain is wired and you can't change it and be happy.

You need to have a heart to heart talk with her now before the relationship goes any further. You have to bare your sole (so to speak) and heels and tell her ALL about you, the stuff she doesn't know but now suspects. You need to come completely clean. If she loves you, she'll continue to love you, and maybe even more for being honest and up front. If her love is conditional on your never wearing heels, you need to part ways and the sooner the better. If she can be persuaded, show her this forum and point out that guys can look good in heels. Her perception might be a drag queen or something along those lines, not seeing you as a fashion forward male.

That leaves Scenario 2. Not very pretty.

 

Steve

[las]

Thanks for the advice and scenarios guys - I did not bring up the dropped conversation last night as planned, as she had had a pretty bad day and has a lot on currently.

I know that whilst telling her (based on her previous remarks from the other night) might break her and ruin us - I just feel like I need to tell someone, particularly as we are pretty close and have been together for 18 months. It's completely rolling the dice and statistically I'll end up where I was 18 months ago, but seeing as I can't change the way I feel/keep purging forever she needs to know... then it's up to her to decide how we proceed.

Maybe tonight is the night.

[Chorlini]

Mistake one: Not telling her soon enough. Obviously not at the first day, but most certainly not after she has moved in. Methinks the ideal moment would have been after she had made some investment into the relationship but before you guys had any plans to move in together. Now telling her is hard. Probably one of the hardest things you have to do, but this is not something that will get easier by the longer you wait for the right time.

Mistake two: All this wishy washy waiting for the right moment Halloween dress up fishing for her opinion stuff. Women like confident men. They respond well to guys like JeffB because he doesn't give a crap about what other people think negatively of him. All that this wishy washy fishing for her opinion stuff has done is to negatively form her opinion. Best to have never asked her for her opinion about men in heels but to just flatly say that you like wearing heels. That this is how the f*** you roll in life and if she can live with that she's welcome to tag along with you. And then answer and allay her questions. Above all be confident about it. Which you have made nigh impossible by this long wait and wishy washy stuff. Now you're into damage control mode. And as Freestyle75 said, you now have only limited options.

1. You go vanilla. Give up all heels. Either you will learn to live with it and find some happiness or you will become miserable in time. In which case see 2.

2. You keep on hiding it. Which may work for a while until she inevitably finds it. In which case divorce rape will follow. Be sure to get iron clad marriage nuptials just for that case. Then again, she may surprise you. In which case see 3.

3. You may hit the jackpot that through sheer luck she changes her mind or is far more liberal then she let you to believe. The chances of that are slim.

4. Breakup now. Be miserable for a while, learn from your mistakes and move on. Maybe next time if you play your cards right and in the right time you will find happiness and heels.

I'd say drop the wishy washy waiting for the right moment conversation time and go full disclosure. There will NEVER be the right moment! Man up and above all be confident in your delivery. Tell her that you love her, that you want to grow old with her, but that this is how the f*** you roll in life and if she can live with that she's welcome to tag along with you (not in those exact words of course). If not, then better you break up now then after having followed option 2. Chances are you probably ruined your chances to have both a relationship and wearing heels, but she might surprise you. If she gives you an ultimatum, her or the heels, do NOT give in though. It will only make you look even weaker in her eyes, which will doom the relationship anyway.. Confidence is the only thing that can save you at this point in time. And with confidenceof course I don't mean being an asshole.

I wish you the best of luck, that you may find the wisdom and courage to make the right decision and I do hope it works out for the best for you! Now place your fist against your screen so I may bro fist you through the internet for good luck.

[las]

@Chorlini *brofists*

Thanks for your follow up post. I agree it needs to be now or never. She's at work now, as I am meant to be (working from home in the JCs!) so will see her in a few hours.

It's time.

[Steve63130]

Well stated, Chorlini. Las has gotten himself into a very tight situation and you summed it up well in calling it "damage control." I agree that he has to come squeaky clean and doing it with confidence is the only way it can possibly succeed.

So, Las, have that heart-to-heart talk now.  There will never be a better time, but the longer you wait the worse it will be. We've seen it play out on this forum before. Take our advice. Do it tonight. Bad day at work for her? Give her a hug, make an adult beverage, sit down, rub her feet or legs if she likes that, and launch into it:

"Honey, we need to talk. Before our relationship goes any further, there is something about me you need to know and I need to tell you now. I tried to hint at it a few days ago when we were talking about Halloween outfits and I dropped hints about wearing heeled boots, but you rejected the idea. So here's what I need to tell you. I LOVE WEARING HIGH HEELS! I've done it for many years. I'm hard wired to love it. I will love it till I die. It's part of me, just as my personality, my voice, my sense of humor, etc. I got the message the other night that you DON'T like men wearing high heels. So this is a problem, because I love you, and I think you love me. I'm sorry I've kept this secret - I should have come out with it a lot sooner. But I'm not keeping it secret any longer, I don't have any other secrets, and no, I'm not gay (unless you are) nor do I want to wear other women's clothes (unless you do want to). So if you hate men in high heels but you love me, we will need to work together to change your thinking on that, so it doesn't divide us. I really want to be constructive."

Las, finish the monologue. Good luck, man. I really hope this story has a happy ending.

Steve

[Cl0setheels]

As a wise girlfriend once told me, "they are just shoes!" If you embrace that philosophy it's not such a big deal. I remember a story my mum once told me. Back in the days (fifties I guess)  my mum had an aunt that wore pants. At the time that was not done and people though bad things of it. Nowadays, who cares about women wearing pants? (They can look damn good in them.  ) It's all about doing so and not caring. That last part is quite difficult but you need to get there. Women did so with pants (as with a huge amount of other things) so us men should do the same. And then people dare to call women the weaker sex......  

It might help to let her read some of these posts, if not all of it.  

 

Good luck with your situation and I hope things work out for the two of you! 

[las]

Hi all,

So on Tuesday evening, shortly after dinner I resumed the halloween costume discussion, and proposed that maybe we could get inspired by visiting fancy dress shops on Saturday, which we'll do tomorrow. Also, I told her that we needed to finish a discussion we had started over new year's - about secrets. I came out with it, and she misunderstood as she literally assumed what I said - "I like high heels" - like admiration. She said she already figured this as I regularly compliment her when she wears them - but I had to stop her and say no - that I knew how to walk in them and liked to wear them.

We jumped past the usual follow-up questions, and I explained that with halloween a week away, that this could be the one time per year that I could wear them outside without question. She seemed unsure still, and asked how many pairs I currently owned. I answered 1, but that I used to have about a dozen but purged before she moved in. She seemed totally shocked by the figure and remained fairly silent for the rest of the night. Prior to this she definitely said "they're just shoes" but I think was so shell-shocked by the revelation that perhaps she found it hard to convey thoughts. I certainly apologised for having kept this from her, and said that I didn't want to lose her - she said the same.

We went to bed soon after and have been fine the rest of the week, including an anniversary meal out on Wednesday. No mentions or anything since the discussion on Tuesday, and she hasn't asked to see them or me in them. Maybe she'll raise it tomorrow whilst we're out shopping, but in my opinion it seems to have completely blown over, or she is still struggling to process it.

I'll still keep heeling whilst she is out of the house, but at least she knows - if she ever happens to come across the box in my wardrobe, she'll know what to expect. Hopefully can get some ideas etc for costumes tomorrow, as I'd really like to go out for halloween to a club or similar - I already discussed this with her last night, which she agreed to.

If there are any other developments etc I'll be sure to keep this thread updated.

[Steve63130]

Sounds like good progress. Do you best to keep her in her comfort zone and push the envelope ever so slowly. Read her body language and if she resists, back off a little. The more exposure she has to you in heels, the more accepting she'll be. Just take baby steps and make sure she knows she's more important than your heels.

Good luck!

Steve

[Chorlini]

Well done! A well deserved internet bro-fist for you!

Wise men have said that you shouldn't only listen to what a woman says but especially to what a woman does. She hasn't stormed out of your life, which is good. Take comfort in that, you did something right at least. But I do suspect she's still in denial. The dam may still burst in the future. I think it would be best to assume she's not going to be one of those women who will be comfortable with you wearing heels and encourage you. She may surprise you but lets expect the worst, hope for the best instead. She may be one of those people who deals with it by not talking about it. I know that my (late) mother and grandmother knew about my heels, they found my collection. My brother knows. But they all deal (or dealt) with it by not talking about it. I'm fine with that. Guess I'm like that too. Thing is, denying is not yet acceptance. On the contrary, remember the 5 stages of grief.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kübler-Ross_model

This seems silly for something as seemingly normal as men wearing heels, but culture is as it is and to the vast majority of women learning that their boyfriend or husband is into wearing heels is quite an outside context problem.

My advice for now is to ride out the mellow, continue your heeling when she's gone and abstain from doing it in front of her. But try to think of what your long term strategy is. Are you content with your own personal stash and private heeling, don't rock the boat. If you want more, you will have to risk more, including the risk of failure. In which case you might be in luck though as chances are she will walk into you one day by accident. Murphy's law basically cannot be subverted. It's bound to happen. In which case you better be prepared. My advice for that case is to act like nothing is going on. Like you would if she were to come home from work. Act calm and confident. How she will react then will probably tell you what to really expect.

- She looks funny for a moment but says nothing. You have a denier on your hands. Chances are she's not happy with it but she can live with it as long as you are discrete.

- She becomes interested. Jackpot! Chances for acceptance are high. Chances of it happening, probably not that great.

- She becomes angry. You busted her bubble of denial, now the floodwaters will flow freely. Can lead to a breakup but anger is also the necessary stage 2 of grief acceptance, remember? If she does become angry, remember to keep calm and stay confident. Let the waters of her emotions flow and break on your rock of steadiness. Do not engage in emotional discourse, do not try to counter emotions with logic, it will not serve you. NEVER give in to ultimatums, they will only make you look weak. And remember that after anger comes bargaining. And first rule of bargaining is to know perfectly what you want then aim higher. And not give in too soon.

[Cl0setheels]

Lots of advice going on here. Not agreeing with all of it but everyone has his/her own view on things.

If it where me i'd keep the conversation going. Nothing forced but I think it should be thoroughly discussed (over time) and both partners should be able to express how they feel about things and both should be heard. Until the both of you feel comfortable with the situation. Reaching a point where she's in a sort of denial state and you do things in 'secret' is not the way to go in my opinion. Mature people in a good relationship should be able to reach middle ground.  And in essence what are we talking about....just shoes!  

It's a good thing the both of you are going shopping, how did it go?

[Bubba136]

Mistake # 1:  not telling her as soon as it became obvious that you would be more than just boy friend/girl friend.

Mistake # 2:  not telling her now. You must give her a chance to sort her feelings before things become more complicated.  Even if she decides now that she can live with it, over time she might discover that she really can't handle it.  Besides, at the moment you two are the only ones involved.  Best to get things straight before any children are added to the equation-- 

[las]

Hey all!

Wow, somehow it's been a year since I made this thread. The contents of all your super-helpful posts have been in my head since then, and I realise I never posted a follow-up since the girlfriend & I went shopping last year for some fancy dress ideas for halloween and that 80s-themed party of her work colleagues... so here that is:

I had put together a very basic version of a Slash / Alice Cooper costume; plain black t-shirt, black jeans, leather jacket (rented from the fancy dress shop) and wig. For the 80s party, I wore the New Rock boots which added a couple of inches to my height. It was funny to tower over everyone (I'm already 6'2) and whilst I was far from the best dressed, the feedback was good. I'm not usually a "dress-up" kinda guy, so it was a good experience - and the room was largely full of people I didn't know, but it was a good few hours out.

The following weekend came for the halloween party - I had already purchased tickets for a local club for us both. We began to dress in the same outfits as before, with one exception for me - the shoes. As soon as they came out of their box and I put them on... I struggle to remember exactly what happened. We were sitting on the sofa, and perhaps the image of me in costume wearing towering platform boots just resurrected the previous shell-shocked state in her. I really can't remember much else. All I do recall is that I spent some of the night on my computer in the outfit and she went to the bedroom. By the time I got there, she was fast asleep and the lights were out.

Fast forward to the present...

I came across Zalando (European shopping site) during the middle of August. I was searching online for an online retailer that stocked large size Jeffrey Campbell shoes, as Solestruck was in the process of shutting down. They had loads of styles... I was in heaven! I ordered a pair (plus some trainers) which was delivered to my place of work. I took the whole package home but only explained the trainers. (their packaging is as crystal clear obvious as Amazon's, btw) The box remained in our kitchen for a week, by which point I sent them back as they were legitimately too big. I know that she could tell what was probably in the box, but perhaps waited for me to start a conversation about them?

The replacement came and I brought this home too. It also sat on the side for a few days, until I offered to buy anything she wanted on the site, as she had already heard of them. I brought home a couple of large boxes containing a mix of shoes and handbags. I suggested it could be fun to open "ours" together, implying she open those boxes and I would show my replacement pair which had been sitting on the side for a few days.

That evening passed and maybe it was because it was quite late, but I did not get my pair out from the box after hers had concluded. I sent them back, again.

It dawned upon me that halloween is nearly here again and I still like the idea of going out for it, with her, and with us dressed up - not something we'd normally do. I've identified a few venues locally and a few in London that are holding events we could go to. Am I just wanting to go to one of these to wear my boots outside? Maybe. Will we actually enjoy it? We're not particularly social people... maybe it's best I ignore the possibility of going out in the hope of tackling the fallout from last year's non-halloween - just so I know where we stand? The only thing that's changed in the relationship since then is that we bought a house together before the summer. But if the heels were such a problem, would she have bought the house with me... would she still be here?

The only hint she has given towards starting a fresh conversation about them was when the mos recent pair was still sitting in the kitchen a few weeks back, and she said "you know you can talk to me anytime" - which was definitely about them. Like I said earlier, I sent them back, but the original 2 pairs remain in my wardrobe.

I'm not sure what my aim with this post was, other than to conclude the story from last year and provide a brief update on the current situation. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Black_Boots]

Well, you sound sad, and it seems your gf is open to a discussion, so to me the only remaining blockage is somewhere between your heart and your hair!

Go ahead! It's just a pair of boots, you've made the most difficult part of it:
You attended a party with her and her workmates, dressup ok, but then you ordered some boots home and she knowns about it...

GO! Life is short and it seems she is your lady!

[Rick24]

there are a number of men who wear heels around this small world. and many have girlfriends. who support them, but a number of heel wearing guys are just uncomfortable in wearing them in front of there girlfriends. because of all the negative thoughts are in are minds. just like when we buy them in a shoe shop or walk out in them, we first think of the negative things first, wearing heels has taught me one lesson in life that you can't live in other people's expectations. life is way to short for that. in the end there just shoes. big deal. its a bit silly that some women seem to make heels as some sort of competition. and get jealous if their boyfriends can wear them better or have a better collection.

[Steve63130]

Many women are impressed with a guy who has the courage to wear women's heels, nail polish, carry a purse, wear tights or pantyhose, skirts, etc. Your woman might be too. No woman is impressed with a wuss, so don't be one. Man up the courage you need and just do it. The earth won't stop rotating. If she doesn't like it, she'll tell you. If she's ok with it, you'll wonder what all the fuss was. Listen to her, not the demons in your head.

Steve

[gj]

hi,

If you want the lita's in your size. Zalando sells them at the moment. https://www.zalando.nl/jeffrey-campbell-lita-spike-veterlaarsjes-zwart-je711c00v-802.html

Be fast as they run like hell. All biggersizes up to EU 45 are almost gone.

And I saw you found their site.

As for your gf, be yourself, I did and it makes life a lot easier.

Edited October 11, 2016 by gj

[las]

Hi @gj thanks for your post! Yeah that was the pair that I ordered the EU 45 in but they were too large, and the 44 has been out of stock for weeks now. As @Steve63130 has said, my current issue definitely seems to be the demons in my head! How would you approach my current situation? (I just got the black suede Lita last week as they were on sale - amazingly comfortable!!)

Thanks also to @Black_Boots - yeah, reading my post again it sounds quite sad! I just need that courage, grr!

Hey @Rick24 I get it exactly. Just a shame society has made it how it is currently perceived.