Boots29 Posted March 1, 2020 Share Posted March 1, 2020 So, I first (and only) posted here several years ago when my wife "caught" me wearing boots. We went through some tough times and I threw it all out and thought all would be well. Well, as I've read here and now understand, this "feeling" doesn't just go away. We are now at another cross-roads. I purchased more boots and was caught again. I've been completely honest with her in that this "feeling" has been with me my entire life. She, understandably, feels that I deceived her and wasn't honest with her from the start. True - guilty as charge. But imagine a young 21 year old telling his love/fiance that he likes to wear women's boots (back in the 80's). Wouldn't go over well. Hindsight, though, is a bitch. I should have told her then, but honestly, I was too much the coward. So now we have to deal with this. When she "caught" me last time, she made her feelings perfectly clear. This was not acceptable to her and was an abomination. I thought I could get over it. Not. So, knowing her attitude towards it, I hide it and kept it a secret. She feels betrayed, that I have been lying to her. In truth, I have - guilty again. But I didn't think I could bring it up. But I love this women. We have been together virtually our entire lives (since I was 16, ). We have raised two incredible kids. I am closing in on retirement. We have talked of our years ahead and I truly want to spend those years with her, but I don't think she can accept "this." I have several counselling appointments set up to get to the root of it all. It all comes down to her or the boots. I can give them up, but I fear the desire will come back, even as I age. Help. Has anyone else gone through this? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hiddenheels Posted March 2, 2020 Share Posted March 2, 2020 (edited) Just read your intro message from a few years back. Very sorry to hear that this is how it is turning out. Totally can see both sides, as I've been through what you're going through, although not quite "it's me or the boots", but it has caused a massive amount of stress between us. I also wish the desire would go away in me, but I've purged, ignored, suppressed, ignored more, to no avail. I now have more heels then ever before, a lot more than she. If your choice really is that binary, then there isn't a lot of choice. I would choose my wife for sure, but fortunately for me there's a bit of a middle-ground. She's also suggested counseling to me, but I don't think that'll solve anything. I believe it to be similar, but not quite the same, as like going to counseling for being "gay" (or whatever sexual preference), it's "just in you", and no amount of talking or understanding will remove that. What I would probably do if faced with your choice is either throw everything out, or put it away in storage, so it's not a "threat" (to the wife). Then slowly, talk it through. Just like you, as a result of this, she pretty much no longer wears heels, and I've come to accept that, although it is sad... I understand she's said that it's an abomination, but hopefully a middle-ground could be found. For me, she's OK if I wear it out periodically without her. My desire is a lot stronger, and I would like to wear it a lot more, but "happy wife, happy life". Edited March 2, 2020 by hiddenheels 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jkrenzer Posted March 2, 2020 Share Posted March 2, 2020 It's hard to hear your story. You did deceive her but only because you couldn't get her to accept your desires. She also bears some responsibility since she is unwilling to accept you as you are. I hate to say it but your situation is not a two way street. If counseling is in your future then you're not really the one who needs it. Purge your heels and be sad about it is your likely future. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chesterx Posted March 2, 2020 Share Posted March 2, 2020 This is heart breaking to read. I feel for you, & I wish I had an easy solution for you. I don't understand how someone could see your desire to wear heels as anything of an abomination, it's just fun. Your not hooked on heroin or alcohol, your not seeing prostitutes, your not cruising gay bars. Your wearing shoes. Its about as harmless of a fetish as there can be. I hope you two can come to some type of agreement over this, something as simple as giving you a few hours a week of "me time" on your own to follow your hobby. Plenty of the guys here have wives that don't like them heel wearing, but tolerate it well enough, so maybe out of sight, out of mind will work. Good luck my friend. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cali Posted March 2, 2020 Share Posted March 2, 2020 (edited) It's an all too common story. The trouble is you are the same person she has loved for 40+ years, whether you wear heels or not. I'm single and looking right now, but I wear heels all the time and have colored nails. I looking for a woman to love me for me, not some image she has. Very few truly open-minded women my age. Edited March 2, 2020 by Cali 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
p1ng74 Posted March 2, 2020 Share Posted March 2, 2020 @Boots29 As a boot lover myself, I am curious to hear what kind of boots you like to wear, and what you like about them. Male fashion is starting to expand these days, so there may be ways to wear what you want to with less of the association with cross dressing that you seem to be unfairly accused of. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shyheels Posted March 2, 2020 Share Posted March 2, 2020 (edited) It's hardly an abomination, it's a fashion choice and not even a terribly radical one - different style of footwear. I like tall boots myself, with or without heels. For me wearing tall boots is purely a mater of style and fashion, nothing more. I know for some people it is a fetish and that can bring with it connotations and dimensions that might not be palatable to partners. I don't know all your particulars and so can't really comment meaningful on your particular circumstances, but it seems you have a tough row to hoe. I would not at all agree with the adage "Happy Wife, Happy Life" unless it's the wife's life you're talking about. It is supposed to be a partnership not a chain of command. Edited March 2, 2020 by Shyheels 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SF Posted March 2, 2020 Share Posted March 2, 2020 Best of luck to you in getting this resolved. I am one of the lucky ones who was a wonderful wife that is almost 100% OK with me wearing heels. She knew that I wore gals flats before we married, I got into the heeling thing after about 10 years of marriage. She balked at first but we talked about it in detail and actually had some counseling (we were there for other reasons but the heeling definitely came up). The counselors, two of them - male and female - at different times, said they saw no problems with my desire to wear heels, but we needed to work it out as a couple, which we did - she's a great gal. As an aside, I was actually very surprised by the counselors opinions, I was expecting to be told that my heeling was a destructive thing. Nice. Bottom line, for me the desire to wear gals shoes has been with me since I was a pre teen. I do not know why, it's just there. It won't go away, and me and the wife are both OK with it. So, consider communicating your feelings with your wife, seek professional counseling, maybe have her take a look at this site, and this message. Hopefully you can work things out. I wish the best to you and your wife. Smile...... sf 1 "Why should girls have all the fun!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pebblesf Posted March 2, 2020 Share Posted March 2, 2020 OI totally understand what you are going through....My boots have certainly caused problems in our relationship. But, it is important to understand that your desire to wear heels/boots probably will not "go away". You have purged once, but that didn't last too long, most of us have been through this same thing. It just seems like we have been "hardwired" with this desire. On the other hand, the word "abomination" indicates that your wife has to do a liitle work also. I don't know if it is a religious thing, or perhaps the usual sexual worries that would cause her to use this word. But, your relationship is surely at a cross roads....Trying to purge your heels once again will probably just result in collecting some new ones and getting caught again, which will for sure be big trouble for you both. I would surely try to find a counselor, see that person on your own before doing joint counseling....Please remember, counselors are humans just like us, not all are equipped to help in all situations....Our love of heels/boots is relatively unique, so don't be afraid to "interview" several counselors to be sure you find someone that will actually be helpful. Like others have said, there has to be some sort of "middle ground" that can work for both of you. I don't know what kind of boots you have collected or like wearing, but I'm sure there are some boots you would like wearing that might be "OK" with the wife. I'm just hoping that you will stay with us here....We are not counselors, but can certainly relate to your situation. Don Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeremy1986 Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 Well, @Boots29 - good to hear from you on the one side, but so sad to hear of your issues. You do seem in a pickle, I needn't tell you. Your wife is naturally upset and feels betrayed after you lied to her. Sure, you and we know the background, but hiding things is not a great recipe for happiness in a marriage. At this point, I think you need damage control. Is your wife/marriage/family your first priority? If so - put everything else on the side for now. Make every effort to do so. It doesn't mean throwing things away, but yes - put them away in some storage unit and tell your wife you have done so, as she is the most important thing to you. Yes - I hear the others here saying how its nothing, its just shoes. That ight be trues - but that's not the issue here. The primary issue is having betrayed your wife's trust again. You need to focus on rectifying that, and then after that, try work on the heels issue. Sure, there night be a middle ground that can be agreed on (many greys between white and black), but you first need to relay the trust. Show that you are commited and love her. Good luck!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pierre1961 Posted March 6, 2020 Share Posted March 6, 2020 I come again with a suggestion I already did a few weeks ago. We are so many who wear heels at home or even publicly but afraid our relatives could know. If by accident we had to explain our heel passion, most of us feel a lack of tools for that.Even ashamed being a weirdo,the only one on earth Because 99% of the people around us are narrow minded. That doesn’t mean they are stupid. They haven’t just given themselves the opportunity to think about that out of stereotypes,educational background,religious behavior or whatever replaces a personal way of thinking. Why don’t we create here a special blog with pictures,videos,others,related to men in heels in a total manly way. So ,if needed we could show these to our relatives,as a proof we are not the only one. They may stop thinking we are cross dresser,drag queens,gay or whatever it is difficult to accept for them.Just men who love to wear heels because of the look There are already here a lot of members who wear heels in a man way and with a perfect taste. If women could post also on that blog and share their acceptance even admiration to men in heels,that would be the best help we could dream on the motto could be similar to”why should only the girls have fun” just a suggestion..... Pierre 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pebblesf Posted March 6, 2020 Share Posted March 6, 2020 Sounds good to me...The "blog" needs to be separate from HHP though, something that can be accessed on its own.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pierre1961 Posted March 6, 2020 Share Posted March 6, 2020 I agree that that blog could be accessible on its own. Technical matters are strangers for me. I don’t suggest any secession from HHP which brings us so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pebblesf Posted March 6, 2020 Share Posted March 6, 2020 55 minutes ago, Pierre1961 said: I agree that that blog could be accessible on its own. Technical matters are strangers for me. I don’t suggest any secession from HHP which brings us so much. I agree, only mentioned it because there has been resistance/concerns about directing insecure partners to this site in the past.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlroseplant Posted March 7, 2020 Share Posted March 7, 2020 16 hours ago, pebblesf said: I agree, only mentioned it because there has been resistance/concerns about directing insecure partners to this site in the past.... Oh hell no, you don't want an insecure partner to even know about the existence of this site. That could easily ruin everything! I am imagining a scenario in which a guy is trying to get his partner to accept his wearing otherwise very masculine boots with a 2 1/2" or 3" blocky heel, and then the partner clicks on my thread. Not that I'm anywhere near the most radical departure from "usual" men's style, but just seeing a picture of me on a website wearing shorts with very high heels, having never met me or talked to me in real life, having never met my wife and family, would probably be a huge shock to someone who is already thinking that boots with slightly elevated heels is pushing it too far. They're just not used to seeing it, and it's almost certain that the reaction would be almost violently negative. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pierre1961 Posted March 7, 2020 Share Posted March 7, 2020 That’s true. And that’s why it must be something separate .With only “gentle” pics or comments .And no possibility for anyone else to discover any extreme or fetish outfit and shoes. Lets keep on thinking 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
p1ng74 Posted March 8, 2020 Share Posted March 8, 2020 (edited) I am always wearing boots with 2.5”-3.5” Cuban heels on my Instagram. These are outfits I wear every day. It is not a fetish. https://www.instagram.com/cowboyup738/ I am not the only one, there are others: https://instagram.com/the_bootiful?igshid=4hi8p8xz6lv4 And there are even designers with a lot of heels on males: https://instagram.com/randomidentities?igshid=1qfvagxive2jw Edited March 8, 2020 by p1ng74 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pebblesf Posted March 8, 2020 Share Posted March 8, 2020 35 minutes ago, p1ng74 said: I am always wearing boots with 2.5”-3.5” Cuban heels on my Instagram. These are outfits I wear every day. It is not a fetish. https://www.instagram.com/cowboyup738/ I am not the only one, there are others: https://instagram.com/the_bootiful?igshid=4hi8p8xz6lv4 And there are even designers with a lot of heels on males: https://instagram.com/randomidentities?igshid=1qfvagxive2jw I have not seen you in many of the boots on your second Instagram link. Love those red boots! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
p1ng74 Posted March 8, 2020 Share Posted March 8, 2020 3 hours ago, pebblesf said: I have not seen you in many of the boots on your second Instagram link. Love those red boots! That is somebody else, and there are probably many more others out there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pebblesf Posted March 9, 2020 Share Posted March 9, 2020 1 hour ago, p1ng74 said: That is somebody else, and there are probably many more others out there. OK, see that now, that fellow is "bootiful"....Sure hope he joins us here.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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