Harassed at Forever 21 Galleria

[blueparrot]

Sorry to report a harassment incident but this happened early in the afternoon at the Forever 21 store in Galleria (Dallas).  I was wearing dark blue skinny jeans, a red/tribal geometric sweatshirt (which was purchased at F21 in Arizona a few years ago), and a pair of Born over knee boots.  The boots have a thick stacked heel about 2.75" high (heel is straight from sides and doesn't narrow any), Top of boots is about 21" which comes to the middle of my knees.  Toes are very rounded, like a half circle round.  Soles are grip style like work boots.  They are a suede like but more of a rustic/weathered looking dark burgundy color with smooth vamps that are more black.  (Freebird has some very similar ones) They are not feminine looking to speak of.   We all here know Born makes comfortable and practical shoes, not known for risque styling at all. 

Now I came down the stairs (store occupies second and third floors of the mall) and a nice lady and her friend complimented my boots.   My wife took a dress and sweater to the dressing room to try on.  I was waiting outside near the registers.  In the long line for the register I heard some commotion where a man and his wife were standing.  The man in a loud male voice started saying something about "them boots on that white dude".  I ignored it, then two children, a boy and girl in elementary school grades came up to me.  The boy said "why are you wearing girl's boots?"  "Are you a girl or a boy?"  I told him that was a mean thing to say.  Keep in mind everything I had on except the boots was from the men's department.  He then asked "then are they boy's boots?"   I told him anybody could wear them.  The girl didn't say anything.  They then returned to their parents standing in the cashier line.  I'm sure the parents sent them over to do their "dirty work". 

This is the second harassment incident in a week.  The first one happened at an uptown DART station where a gentlemen heckled me for wearing wellies (black rain boots).  It was pouring rain and I had a yellow rain coat and umbrella to try and keep dry.  I don't know what's got into people lately.  It hasn't happened much since I moved to this area.  People in the USA do get pretty vicious just before elections so it might be that or possibly the torrential rains we've had to endure the past two weeks.    Hopefully it will settle down. 

 

[Shyheels]

What lovely people. Hopefully they endured a transmission failure in their car on the way home 

If you had been wearing patent pink thigh high stilettos, with mulberry slacks, an orange shirt, zebra striped jacket and a cavalier's hat with an extravagant scarlet plume, it would have been nobody's business but yours. 

(Mind you there'd still be people who probably wouldn't have noticed a thing and been utterly unable to give a description of you if you'd robbed the place)

I wonder what gets into people to make them behave like that. What makes them feel they have the right to intrude on someone in that way.  

[SF]

Bummer....   But I doubt the upcoming elections had anything to do with what happened.....

Unfortunately the world has some jerks in it...   You just happened to find a few...  

smile and have fun in your heels......  sf

[jeremy1986]

Sorry to hear, @blueparrot. Don't let it get you down!

[p1ng74]

@blueparrot I have not spent as much time in Dallas the last 4 years but I used to wear my western boots with 2” heels every day there.  I found that Dallas is one of the most fashion conscience cities I have ever worked in.  People take particular notice at what you are wearing, including shoes.  Every time someone said something out loud about my boots, I just assumed it was a compliment - this is Texas after all.  A pair of Born boots with a Cuban heel like you were wearing deserves the same.  

Your interaction reminds me of when I posted this picture of my new cowboy boots on reddit, and the first response was, “I’m confused. These are men’s or women’s boots?”

I thought for a second, and decided to reply with “they are MY boots”.  Who cares if they sat on a shelf in the “men’s” or “women’s” section at a store.  They are mine now, and you can be the judge if I am a man, if you want to go there.  Not that these boots ever sat on a shelf anyway - they are custom made.  

I am glad you told the boy anyone can wear boots.  It may have opened his mind one day to exploring all the cool shoes that are in the women’s section. 

[mlroseplant]

WELL! That's always just a very pleasant experience! I've had it happen to me a couple of times with young kids, but in both cases, the parents had nothing to do with it. The worst is with large groups of teenaged boys, though I think times are changing, and I haven't had to endure actual heckling for several years.

The latest incident wasn't really harassment in the true sense, but rather, I think, disbelief on the part of a young kid who happened to see me.  It happened at church a couple of years ago. I was picking up my then 7 year old son from Sunday school, and I heard some little girl say something loudly about a guy "wearing girl's shoes." I guess the girl was about 4 or 5 years old. After she said it several times (to her parents), and I had to pass her on the way back upstairs, I felt compelled to stop and talk to her. I don't really remember exactly what was said, but I do remember questioning her about why she thought my shoes were girl's shoes, and why I shouldn't wear them. Of course she couldn't tell me anything better than "just because," and by this time her parents were obviously mortified that their daughter had caused a bit of a commotion, and told her that I could wear whatever I wanted as long as I felt comfortable about it. As I left her, I told her to go home and think about what I had said, and to have a great day, honey. It wasn't an unpleasant exchange (though somewhat awkward), and I tried to be as kind as I could.

[pebblesf]

1 hour ago, p1ng74 said:

@blueparrot I have not spent as much time in Dallas the last 4 years but I used to wear my western boots with 2” heels every day there.  I found that Dallas is one of the most fashion conscience cities I have ever worked in.  People take particular notice at what you are wearing, including shoes.  Every time someone said something out loud about my boots, I just assumed it was a compliment - this is Texas after all.  A pair of Born boots with a Cuban heel like you were wearing deserves the same.  

Your interaction reminds me of when I posted this picture of my new cowboy boots on reddit, and the first response was, “I’m confused. These are men’s or women’s boots?”

I thought for a second, and decided to reply with “they are MY boots”.  Who cares if they sat on a shelf in the “men’s” or “women’s” section at a store.  They are mine now, and you can be the judge if I am a man, if you want to go there.  Not that these boots ever sat on a shelf anyway - they are custom made.  

I am glad you told the boy anyone can wear boots.  It may have opened his mind one day to exploring all the cool shoes that are in the women’s section. 

those boots are amazing, they look to be a perfect fit, great leather also, love the heel ridges and squared toes! 

I want to thank Blueparrot and mlroseplant for sharing these unpleasant experiences, it is probably more important for us to hear about negative encounters than actual compliments.  Most of us live in fear of negative encounters, which keeps us from enjoying our heels publicly.  I guess I feel it is so important to develop a plan for being able to react to these situations effectively. 

The beauty of little kids is they say what they feel, they don't talk behind your back.  Their young minds are still flexible, silly social norms have been planted, but haven't taken root.  We have a chance for a positive effect when dealing with young kids.  I like the responses dismissing the term:  "women's boots", simply saying they are:  "my boots". 

Thanks for reporting these experiences, we all have a chance to learn.  Would love to meet you Dallas guys sometime for a day out in heels, hanging out with other guys publicly gives me  "confidence in numbers"...

[p1ng74]

40 minutes ago, mlroseplant said:

The latest incident wasn't really harassment in the true sense, but rather, I think, disbelief on the part of a young kid who happened to see me.  It happened at church a couple of years ago. I was picking up my then 7 year old son from Sunday school, and I heard some little girl say something loudly about a guy "wearing girl's shoes." I guess the girl was about 4 or 5 years old. After she said it several times (to her parents), and I had to pass her on the way back upstairs, I felt compelled to stop and talk to her. I don't really remember exactly what was said, but I do remember questioning her about why she thought my shoes were girl's shoes, and why I shouldn't wear them. Of course she couldn't tell me anything better than "just because," and by this time her parents were obviously mortified that their daughter had caused a bit of a commotion, and told her that I could wear whatever I wanted as long as I felt comfortable about it. As I left her, I told her to go home and think about what I had said, and to have a great day, honey. It wasn't an unpleasant exchange (though somewhat awkward), and I tried to be as kind as I could.

It takes a village to raise a child, and if that were my child I would appreciate your talk.  It’s normal for kids to form generalizations about the way things should be, “just because”, but it is also good to sew the seeds of critical thinking, and you helped that child reconcile curiosity in a positive way.  

24 minutes ago, pebblesf said:

those boots are amazing, they look to be a perfect fit, great leather also, love the heel ridges and squared toes! 

The fit of custom boots really is amazing.  The narrow 3/4” toe is the way things should be.  I think the wide toes that are popular nowadays look goofy.  

[Shyheels]

If it was your child it wouldn't have been making a nuisance of itself, prompted by its parents... :-)

[p1ng74]

22 minutes ago, Shyheels said:

If it was your child it wouldn't have been making a nuisance of itself, prompted by its parents... :-)

Good point, I had missed that the child had been nagging to her parents about the shoes and she was either being ignored or they did not give her a satisfactory answer.  It’s a good reminder for us parents that while it is tempting to sweep things that children say under the rug, it is not an effective practice.  Better to take every opportunity to form a complete world view, even if it means potential embarrassment and having the conversation in public.  

[jeremy1986]

Today you would probably get arrested for talking to this 4-5 year old directly ;-) 

[Shyheels]

6 hours ago, jeremy1986 said:

Today you would probably get arrested for talking to this 4-5 year old directly

Especially if you were wearing heels.

[blueparrot]

Just to put it behind me, I rode the BMW to Grand Prairie Outlets and then Parks Mall in Arlington and looked at clothes and the few boots they seem to have this season.  Haven't had it out in a while with a scorching summer and recent rains.  I was wearing skinny jeans, brown leather jacket, and OTK Vince Camuto's in dark brown leather (about 2" heel).  Nothing said nor any strange looks.  I don't go over there very often these days since moving last January from an apartment in East Fort Worth.  It's just a easy to go to Northpark from where I am now.  The lady in the shoe department at Dillards greeted me.  She hadn't seen me in quite a while.  She's sold me boots, my wife shoes, and I think even some shoes to my daughter. 

[Shyheels]

Nice to hear. As they say with riding or cycling, if you fall off, the best thing is to get right back on again.

Glad you had a nice day out. 

[Gudulitooo]

Well I suppose the answer "these are my shoes/boots" is the best.

As a parent, I would not appreciate that my son/daughter is instructed how to perceive things by strangers. It is already complicated enough to convince my son to accept to wear his new clothes/shoes when they are not sweat pants or sneakers.

In this case, I would simply tell them they that diversity exists, but they should respect the guy in heels equally for he is a person, and thus they shall not harass him with questions. On the other hand, I understand their curiosity and interest, and this is important: the children went to you without fear, but desire to understand and accept.

 

 

[pebblesf]

1 hour ago, Gudulitooo said:

Well I suppose the answer "these are my shoes/boots" is the best.

As a parent, I would not appreciate that my son/daughter is instructed how to perceive things by strangers. It is already complicated enough to convince my son to accept to wear his new clothes/shoes when they are not sweat pants or sneakers.

In this case, I would simply tell them they that diversity exists, but they should respect the guy in heels equally for he is a person, and thus they shall not harass him with questions. On the other hand, I understand their curiosity and interest, and this is important: the children went to you without fear, but desire to understand and accept.

 

 

Yes, you are right, probably not appropriate to try to "educate" someone else's kid, your response would have to be a fairly quick/short one without any questioning of the child.  I would hope that the child's parent would be present at this point...

[maninboots]

I never refer to any of my boots as women’s, it doesn’t matter how long the leg or how high the heels, if I’m ever asked which i have to say is not very often at all, i just say they are only women’s when a woman is wearing them, as soon as a man puts them on they become men’s, that usually leaves them stuck for a response 

[Shyheels]

Its a good response and unarguable. 

[maninboots]

1 minute ago, Shyheels said:

Its a good response and unarguable. 

It certainly silences a few people 

[Shyheels]

There's not much you can say back, without looking like a complete dill

[Mr. X]

Some people will never grow up

[pebblesf]

3 hours ago, Mr. X said:

Some people will never grow up

Most are just jealous...

[Shyheels]

I think that is correct. You are clearly not constrained by the straightjacket that confines the great rank and file. It's probably very much like the jealous irritation motorists feel when they see a cyclist ride blithely through a red light at an empty intersection.

[JeffB]

Wow! That's quite the unpleasant experience you had, blueparrot. I'm glad you stood tall despite what happened.

It's amazing that despite openly wearing skirts, dresses, high heels and jewelry in public, I can count on one hand the number of times I've faced incidents similar to yours, and still have fingers left over. I guess I've been lucky.

[Gudulitooo]

JeffB, your height alone may incite others to keep their mouth shut isn't it ?

I know this

[JeffB]

On 10/23/2018 at 5:58 AM, Gudulitooo said:

JeffB, your height alone may incite others to keep their mouth shut isn't it ?

I know this

Hmm! I have to admit that hadn't occurred to me!

[blueparrot]

I returned to Galleria today on my motorcycle, wearing over the knee Frye "Kelly" boots with 3.5" heels, skinny blue jeans, and my motorcycle jacket.  I got a lot of smiles from people like I'm used to.  I even went into that store.  I didn't buy anything there but it sure feels better now that I did.

[Shyheels]

Always good to get back on the horse...

[JeffB]

On 11/14/2018 at 7:47 PM, blueparrot said:

I returned to Galleria today on my motorcycle, wearing over the knee Frye "Kelly" boots with 3.5" heels, skinny blue jeans, and my motorcycle jacket.  I got a lot of smiles from people like I'm used to.  I even went into that store.  I didn't buy anything there but it sure feels better now that I did.

Good for you! I'm glad that one incident didn't deter you from going where you like.

[pebblesf]

On ‎11‎/‎14‎/‎2018 at 7:47 PM, blueparrot said:

I returned to Galleria today on my motorcycle, wearing over the knee Frye "Kelly" boots with 3.5" heels, skinny blue jeans, and my motorcycle jacket.  I got a lot of smiles from people like I'm used to.  I even went into that store.  I didn't buy anything there but it sure feels better now that I did.

Wish you had taken some pictures....This is the exact look I wish I could achieve.