Any advice on how to feel better after a break up with a person that accepted your love for heels?

[ljhh]

Hello everyone, 

I know this isn't shoe related but, I really need to let off some steam  Until yesterday I had a 4 and a half years of relationship with a wonderful girl, never been treated better or been more loved before her. She helped me get on the track and go back to school (I am 26 y.o. and 8 months from becoming an electromechanical engineer), feel "normal" and happy with wearing heels (she helped me expand my collection of heels from 3 to almost 40 pairs  ) even let me wear crossdress just for fun... She felt that she needed to be "free" and know how life is (she is 4 years younger than I and her parents were overprotective, didn't let her go out to party) since she was working and studying she felt less "confined" but felt that she needed space frome me, she asked me for some time but you all know what that means  ... Did you ever experienced that before? I am crying like a lil' kid as all of my plans incluided her, I was studying because I wanted to offer her a happy future; maybe it is because I am boring (I don't know how to dance and I don't like to go out for the same reason) or because there is someone else in her heart now  .

 

I would appreciate if you reply or give me some advice as I see there are a lot of older, wiser and more secure gentlemen than me in here. I dunno if there are any women in here that could give me an advice as well... I feel like I am not worth a dime, and that I will never find another woman as her ever again  I can't even look at my high heels collection without thinking about her, but I can't throw them all to the trash! I am very bad for making and keeping friendships and I have only a friend which happens to be her cousin (male).

I hope thay my English is understandable as It is not my native language. Thank You 

 

LJ 

[SF]

Tu hablas ingles muy bien....   

[ljhh]

2 hours ago, SF said:

Tu hablas ingles muy bien....   

Gracias SF...

[Steve63130]

ljhh,

I had a similar experience when I was much younger, well before I was into high heels. I went away to college for my freshman year, and I missed my girl friend from home a lot. I was unhappy and decided to transfer to another college in my home town for my sophomore year. My gf and I were counselors at a kids camp that summer and she decided to break my heart by saying she needed to distance herself from me. I was crushed and took it very hard. But I recovered, and by the time school started in the fall, I started to meet other women, some of whom I liked even better than my old gf. I eventually met the greatest woman of all and we married four years later. We're still married (almost 43 years). I never would have done that if I were still with my old flame. Funny thing is that I have met my old gf a couple of times. She's as nice as I remember, but my present love is far better for me. So cheer up. There are other fish in the sea. You'll have to do some searching. Maybe a lot of searching. But there's the right woman for you out there somewhere, and she will be better than the one in your past relationship. Put on your best heels and go find her! Be patient. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a princess!

Steve

[HappyinHeels]

ljhh,

You are still young so it seems difficult to imagine anyone else in your life yet, as Steve63130 pointed out, there are indeed other possibilities out there. SHe wanted to "some distance from you" so put some distance between you and her. Concentrate on mental distance from her. There is no penalty on going on with your life and putting this into the background. If it meant to be then let her be the one to call you. If not, as they say in Mexico, NI MODO. Concentrate on getting your diploma/certification in electromechanical engineering as that will pay dividends for years and years to come. Build a solid foundation on which to put your heels.

Try to make decisions based more on what is right and logical for you rather than feelings. This might seem hard in passionate Mexico, home of the telenovela, but it is the only way to make sense of things which sometimes make no sense. Who knows what she was thinking but you know you have to keep moving forward. Do not throw away any heels. They are part of you and ALWAYS WILL BE. Yes, many of us are older than you. I am just over double your age and first tried on heels in 1971. Fun then and fun now. My wife of 32 years, also from Baja California, accepts me for who I am. Any future girlfriend, or wife, of yours should do the same. Cada quien cuenta de la feria como le va en ella. Be yourself, keep your head up, and move forward one step at a time. This thing will work itself out. I hope this helps you a bit. HappyinHeels

[subtle]

I've been in the exact situation, you'll feel better as time passes, but the struggle will be hard at first. 

Try not to hope that she'll come back eventually, I clung to this for many years. Use this opportunity to do the exact thing she is doing.

[pebblesf]

Not much to add to the thoughtful advice written here already.  Just know that your feelings/hurt are perfectly normal and expected.  Don't blame yourself, or assume the break up is due to your short comings/faults.  She is younger, and probably just does not want to make a commitment right now. 

Take advantage of this time to concentrate on your career, education.  And, please don't discard your heels buddy, you will only buy new ones in the near future....

Perhaps you have some close friends you can take a well earned vacation with to help get through these tough times....

[ljhh]

Thank You guys, for sharing your stories or opinions. Me and my now ex were going to meet last saturday (I wanted to see her so I could say good bye and end things in a good way, also I wanted to look at her eyes...) but she cancelled the meeting a day before saying that she would be doing other things, I got mad and tried to know what was the activity more important than talking to me. She said she was going out with her friends, which was more interesting and fun than me... I got really mad and rushed to her place. I saw her dad in ther and bought him some beers (we used to drink beers on saturdays, but that day I only gave him the beers as I didnt feel ok), then talked to her... She really looked like she didnt want to know anything about me. Like if she hated me, 0 emotions towards me, she said we would not come back ever again as she did not feel the same feelings towards me, I remember asking her what did she disliked about me so I would not make the same mistakes ever again in my life but she said she had no problem with me, I started to get a little frustrated as I was giving my final "speech" as she was making some uncomfortable facial expressions (which broke my heart even more, but at the same time made me angry to myself for being so pasive) I then asked her to give me back the pairs of heels I bought her as I could not stand the sole idea of her enjoying those heels with other person. As I was gonna enter her house she told me that her dad would see me packing the heels on my backpack (trying to make me think that she was going to tell my secret love for heels ). I know that was a bad move but as I saw there was no chance in heel that she would change her mind about us so I brought the pairs here. I feel a lot better now but still very lonely and blaming myself for being like this  

I seeked for some professional help. I hope it works as I think I have a lot of issues. 

Thank you all for your help and NO, I won't throw away my heels. Not even my ex's heels (we wore almost the same size...) 

[ljhh]

On 26/8/2017 at 7:34 AM, subtle said:

I've been in the exact situation, you'll feel better as time passes, but the struggle will be hard at first. 

Try not to hope that she'll come back eventually, I clung to this for many years. Use this opportunity to do the exact thing she is doing.

I am sure she won't come back, as much as it hurts I have to work on that from that point, and try to stop asking me why...

thanks for replying 

[ljhh]

On 25/8/2017 at 9:02 PM, HappyinHeels said:

ljhh,

You are still young so it seems difficult to imagine anyone else in your life yet, as Steve63130 pointed out, there are indeed other possibilities out there. SHe wanted to "some distance from you" so put some distance between you and her. Concentrate on mental distance from her. There is no penalty on going on with your life and putting this into the background. If it meant to be then let her be the one to call you. If not, as they say in Mexico, NI MODO. Concentrate on getting your diploma/certification in electromechanical engineering as that will pay dividends for years and years to come. Build a solid foundation on which to put your heels.

Try to make decisions based more on what is right and logical for you rather than feelings. This might seem hard in passionate Mexico, home of the telenovela, but it is the only way to make sense of things which sometimes make no sense. Who knows what she was thinking but you know you have to keep moving forward. Do not throw away any heels. They are part of you and ALWAYS WILL BE. Yes, many of us are older than you. I am just over double your age and first tried on heels in 1971. Fun then and fun now. My wife of 32 years, also from Baja California, accepts me for who I am. Any future girlfriend, or wife, of yours should do the same. Cada quien cuenta de la feria como le va en ella. Be yourself, keep your head up, and move forward one step at a time. This thing will work itself out. I hope this helps you a bit. HappyinHeels

You are right. NI MODO. I will keep myself focused I just hope that I don't get fired from my job as my performance is much lower now... 

You are so fortunate for having that wonderful wife with you, come someday to Tijuana to enjoy the Best Tacos in the world haha

 I wish I could also get the right one for me someday.

 

Thanks a lot for the advice I really appreciate it

[ljhh]

6 hours ago, pebblesf said:

Not much to add to the thoughtful advice written here already.  Just know that your feelings/hurt are perfectly normal and expected.  Don't blame yourself, or assume the break up is due to your short comings/faults.  She is younger, and probably just does not want to make a commitment right now. 

Take advantage of this time to concentrate on your career, education.  And, please don't discard your heels buddy, you will only buy new ones in the near future....

Perhaps you have some close friends you can take a well earned vacation with to help get through these tough times....

I threw some pairs years ago and I regret it... I won't do the same. My future in love is a bit foggy now, I had my first session with a psychologist, told him everything I had inside and he recommended me that we should start working on accepting myself and then work on my break up and some childhood issues as well. Maybe some day I'll have the time and money to get out of the city for a weekend at least.

 

Thanks a lot for replying pebblesf 

[Cali]

Let it go. Don't waste any more time on her. Don't think about what you did wrong, maybe you did nothing wrong.  It doesn't matter, it won't change things, it's over so move on.

[Steve63130]

It sounds like the counselor is giving you good advice; that was smart of you to go to one. We know you're hurt and it's tempting to blame yourself, but over time you'll come to realize that you did the best you could and it was HER problem, not yours. You need to look to the future. Life in the rear-view mirror is over with. 

Why not treat yourself to a new pair of heels? "When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping!" is a good slogan! And then check out some online dating sites and figure out how you're going to position yourself to meet new women. You can do it. Keep us posted. We all care how you do, and the sooner you let go and move on, the better off you'll be. Good luck!

Steve

 

[Cali]

38 minutes ago, Steve63130 said:

Why not treat yourself to a new pair of heels?

This is known as "Retail Therapy".  I've been known to partake in retail therapy. Beware it can be costly.

[pebblesf]

Well, sounds like she has made up her mind, and there will be no changing it...Please don't call or attempt to see her anymore, this will only hurt you further and make you look weak in her eyes...Discontinue communication with her father as well, unless he contacts you.  Forget about the heels you gave her. 

This is surely tough, but continuing to contact her will only make things more difficult for you.  Therapy is always a great option, and treat yourself to something nice.  I don't know how quickly I would jump back into the dating scene, you are not in great emotional condition right now, give yourself some time to heal a bit. 

Concentrate on your work, friends, family, and healing emotionally, not necessarily in that order....

[Pumped]

Yes, I agree with the other's. Give it up, she has moved on already and any contact you initiate just makes her angry and drags you down. I know it is tough to do, but just walk away and try forget her and move on. 

Your life will be better the sooner you acknowledge that it is over. I would not even bother sharing beers with her dad, split all ties and move on.

[maninpumps]

Pumped is spot on with his advice  . You have a full life ahead of you , make the best of it and move on  .Things change and you should always keep this in mind as life moves forward .  Moving forward can seem very hard at times and life is always full of forward steps otherwise we would be walking backwards . I would just get me another pair of heels (or two) . People that drag you down don't need to be in your life .  

Best of luck , MIP

[vector]

ljhh,

 

Some time back I was going through a rough spot in life and a good friend offered me these words, "... this too will pass..."  Life can be like a roller coaster; sometimes you are on top and other times you will be on the bottom.  Keep pushing and you'll get back to the top.  Take some time to heal and rediscover yourself.  Relax, a bit.  And as Bob Marley's song (Three Little Birds) goes, "...don't worry about a thing, cause everything's gonna be alright!"

[Gudulitooo]

On 28/08/2017 at 12:49 AM, ljhh said:

I just hope that I don't get fired from my job as my performance is much lower now... 

Why is it lower now ?

[ljhh]

On 26/9/2017 at 4:22 AM, Gudulitooo said:

Why is it lower now ?

It was, as I could not concentrate. I was promoted to my surprise. And was sad at first as I needed her to celebrate one more goal. But I realized that she wasnt that good of a girl. I havent contacted her ever since as now I think she left me for another guy. Good riddance to her.

[ljhh]

Thank you gentlemen for your advice, I stayed away from social media as it only made me feel worse, I have not used heels since that day as it inevitably reminds me of the moments I spent with her wearing heels. Haven't bought a pair neither. I spent most of my savings on partying or drinking and I regret that. The good thing is that I haven't contacted her ever since and I do not want to see her ever again (heard some rumors that she was with another guy, and iI remember that she was very weird a month or two before the breakup. Never thought she was that kind of girl, lol). I got promoted in my job, despite my poor performance and I am a bit better, I still feel insecure and sad but I don't feel like I'm dying anymore. Maybe there is some girl better suited for me somewhere. Meanwhile I will work on being a better and mentally stronger man who enjoys and loves himself. Thank You very much!

[jeremy1986]

Chin up, my friend @ljhh - you getting a promotion is your 1st big step in recovery! Take the confidence that your boss has shown in you, and use it to build yourself up again! 

[robbiehhw]

Sorry that happened to you. Breakups indeed suck, no matter what the circumstances. The best advice i can give is to get back on that horse and get out there and date. I'm a trans woman and as my wife and i became more friends that romantic partners, i got out there and met a great guy. There is a lot more than one or two people out there that are great for us, there are actually many.

[pebblesf]

On ‎9‎/‎15‎/‎2017 at 11:30 PM, vector said:

ljhh,

 

Some time back I was going through a rough spot in life and a good friend offered me these words, "... this too will pass..."  Life can be like a roller coaster; sometimes you are on top and other times you will be on the bottom.  Keep pushing and you'll get back to the top.  Take some time to heal and rediscover yourself.  Relax, a bit.  And as Bob Marley's song (Three Little Birds) goes, "...don't worry about a thing, cause everything's gonna be alright!"

My Mom has been using that expression for years also!

[pebblesf]

13 hours ago, ljhh said:

Thank you gentlemen for your advice, I stayed away from social media as it only made me feel worse, I have not used heels since that day as it inevitably reminds me of the moments I spent with her wearing heels. Haven't bought a pair neither. I spent most of my savings on partying or drinking and I regret that. The good thing is that I haven't contacted her ever since and I do not want to see her ever again (heard some rumors that she was with another guy, and iI remember that she was very weird a month or two before the breakup. Never thought she was that kind of girl, lol). I got promoted in my job, despite my poor performance and I am a bit better, I still feel insecure and sad but I don't feel like I'm dying anymore. Maybe there is some girl better suited for me somewhere. Meanwhile I will work on being a better and mentally stronger man who enjoys and loves himself. Thank You very much!

Unfortunately, I know from experience that hitting the bottle is not the answer, this will only throw you deeper into depression.  Concentrate on your job and congratulations on your promotion!  Sometimes we have to go through these horrible experiences to strengthen ourselves and see things more clearly.  Of course there is a woman out there better suited for you!  But, you need some time to heal, so please don't dive into another relationship just yet.  Casual dating is fine, just treat it that way, and don't get too serious with any one woman.  Don't make the mistake of dominating the conversation lamenting about your past relationship.  Give yourself plenty of credit, you have managed to get promoted even though you are at an emotional low.  Jeez, you are about to graduate with an engineering degree, that is a big accomplishment!  Try to spend more time with friends/family, so you don't have idle time to think about the past.  Don't do anything that might upset you needlessly, including wearing heels.  Your career is going great, don't let anything or anybody mess that up....Healing seems impossible, but it will come in time.