How do I tell her?

[HighHeel2]

I am SO addicted to high heels. I love seeing my girlfriend in them. It never gets old. Whether we are out on the town or shes wearing them with lingerie or nothing at all. My problem is I've been wearing high heels in private for over 20 years now and I'm DYING to tell her in hopes that we can share them together in private. How do I tell her? Any advice?!

[Jkrenzer]

Honestly you should feel out her thoughts by showing something like ax commercial of last year or see her reaction to internet images show men wearing heels in less provocative or over the top ways. If you're into full x-dress then you're in for a much deeper conversation. Myself, when I first met my wife and 2 previous girlfriends I mentioned it very early on, none seemed to mind. The one I altimately married thought it was sexy.

[pebblesf]

A great topic for sure, but the right advice really depends on the individual situation.  What might be the right advice for one, could be detrimental for another....

How long have you been seeing your girl friend?  Do you just enjoy wearing heels, or do you like to dress as well?

In any event, I like JK's advice, which is to test the waters very slowly and carefully.  I like the idea of sharing pictures/videos of guys in heels.  Does she like watching youtube?  If so, perhaps you can share a video with her of a guy in heels, saying something like "look what I found on the net, what do you think?"   Another approach might be going shoe shopping with her....Perhaps, while walking through the mall together you might point out a pair of heels you would like to see her in while walking by a store window.  I'm assuming she is aware of how much you enjoy having her wear heels. 

In any event, if you are serious about this relationship, you need to tell her soon.  I'm hoping this relationship is relatively new, so she will not be put off thinking you were keeping secrets from her. 

Let's hear what other recommend....

 

[HappyinHeels]

HighHeels2,

I'd start by asking her what motivates her to wear heels and how it makes her feel. Do some research and you'll find high heels were invented by men and and for exclusive use by men 500 years ago. Print out the article and show it to her. Visual aids are always helpful when making a point like the one you are about to make. Ask her what are the ramifications if she wears a flat shoe one day and a heeled shoe the next? Why are you undeserving of the same choice?? I guarantee you she'll have affirmative defense short of complete acceptance of your right to the same choice. Equality goes both ways. Women dress like guys every day but they don't view it that way. Identify what your goals are and approach it from that perspective. You should tell her soon. Her answers will reveal her character and will put this relationship to the test of conditional or unconditional. It is a conversation worth having and  a test worth taking.  HappyinHeels

[robbiehhw]

Tell her matter of factly. Don't make it a big "coming out" thing or she may think you keeping it from her is some hidden dark area of your life which it is not. Perhaps a simple acknowledgement that you were afraid to tell her for silly reasons would also put her at ease.

Part of being in a relationship with people is we get to continue to learn about one another the entire time we are together. Its like Christmas morning but ongoing and more often.

[Cali]

I told a new women friend I wore heels while hiking at Point Lobos.  The next time I saw her I wore my 5 inch Steve Madden open-toe Mules. I'm still seeing her.

[BFGheels]

Recently after a night of drinking and chatting with a good female friend who I consider to be more like a sister. 

We grabbed an uber from her place and we went to a local bar and started drink and chatting as we usually do ever 2 weeks. We both drank a fair bit and had a good laugh about everything...  then on the way back to hers... I don't know why I felt like saying it but it just came out of mouth "I like wearing heels... yes high heels" ... she was quite for a minute then she asked if I had pictures and of course I said yes and showed them to her.

She saw the pics, turned to me and said (at this point my heart was racing) " you and I have the same good taste in shoes" ... I was stunned then really happy...

After we talked about it for a while and I said that I felt like I was missing out on great shoes from stores so she suggested the I go with her to stores and play the bro/sis/girlfriend shtick. It's yet to occur but I can see it happening soon. 

My friend also said that now she always knows what to get me for my bday and vis versa haha  

After a few days of going why did I tell her, I feel quite glad I told her and now I'm looking forward to what's to come...

[Thighbootguy]

Nothing like jumping in with both feet (heels and all).  I'm really glad she liked your taste in shoes.

3 hours ago, BFGheels said:

After a few days of going why did I tell her, I feel quite glad I told her and now I'm looking forward to what's to come...

Remember she has had a few days to think about it too.  Without the alcohol, make sure she is still comfortable with you in heels.

[BFGheels]

2 hours ago, Thighbootguy said:

Remember she has had a few days to think about it too.  Without the alcohol, make sure she is still comfortable with you in heels.

Ive talked to my female friend about it recently and she is coming over soon so I can show her the heels and boots. She is happy with me doing it and she was happy that I trusted her enough to tell her. 

She is like a sister so she is keen to get onboard with me and help me. Although I think she hopes to get some shoes out of me haha  

[hhboots]

My telling my wife was about 3 months into the relationship, before we got married of course.  I waited until we were very comfortable with each other, and similar to what was mentioned above, my discussion with her was while were were out drinking and having a great time one night... it was toward the end of the evening.  

Trying to remember the conversation, it was so long ago, but I said something like: I have to tell you something.  I really like your heels, they are very pretty.  She said aww thanks... then I said, also, I have to admit, I have a bit of a thing for heels and actually like to wear them myself sometimes.  (At the time, I only wore them in private, never wore them outside until a few years after that)  Since we were both pretty drunk, we kind of laughed a bit more about it, I then asked her... so, does that make you think differently about me, or do you care?  She finally said, no, I think its kind of cute and that she would like to see me in them later and that maybe we can both wear them in the bedroom later that night (since we had already been intimate in our relationship, it was a nice next step).  

It worked out great from there and she has been very supportive of my heel wearing, even encouraging me to wear them when we go out together.  My only recommendation is once she does accept your love of heels.  Always, ALWAYS, put her first, and do not take advantage of her new acceptance to suddenly make you think you should now open the flood gates.  Be sure to check in with her as your collection will certainly grow over time, make sure you are not getting carried away with the whole thing (I do a little cross-dressing too), etc.  Because even if she initially accepts it, you can still very easily chase her away if she senses that you put your love of heels (and similar items) before your love of her.

Even though my wife supports my different ways, I have still managed to get on my wifes bad side with all of it a couple of times over the years by pushing things a bit further or faster than she was comfortable with.  So bottom line, definitely put her first and keep her feelings in mind as you move forward...  Good luck! 

Edited May 20, 2017 by hhboots

[CAT]

I have said the exact same thing!!! Very good advice hhboots. 

[Thighbootguy]

5 hours ago, BFGheels said:

She is like a sister so she is keen to get onboard with me and help me. Although I think she hopes to get some shoes out of me haha  

That would be a worthwhile investment.  After ll who, posting on this board, doesn't have more shoes than they can wear?

 

1 hour ago, hhboots said:

Always, ALWAYS, put her first, and do not take advantage of her new acceptance to suddenly make you think you should now open the flood gates.

Excellent advice!  Always listen louder then you talk, and more often too.

[Cali]

2 hours ago, Thighbootguy said:

That would be a worthwhile investment.  After all who, posting on this board, doesn't have more shoes than they can wear?

We only have (at most) two feet, of course we have more shoes than we can wear.

 

A similar thing happened to me recently. A colleague last week who loves her heels talked about doing a day of shoe shopping in San Francisco while we are on break.  In a former life she was a fashion buyer so she knows her shoe shops. 

Edited May 20, 2017 by Cali

[jeremy1986]

I found @hhboots's suggestions to be spot on! This is what I did with my wife (after 13 or so years of marriage...) - she does not completely understand. but she somewhat accepts.

As others have said, it will depend if its just heels, or much more. but if its just heels, then @hhboots's suggestion is great (I wouldn't choose the youtube or other suggestions here... or rely on her being drunk :-)   but each to his/her own on what suits them!!)

Edited May 21, 2017 by jeremy1986

[Shyheels]

6 hours ago, Cali said:

We only have (at most) two feet, of course we have more shoes than we can wear.

 

A similar thing happened to me recently. A colleague last week who loves her heels talked about doing a day of shoe shopping in San Francisco while we are on break.  In a former life she was a fashion buyer so she knows her shoe shops. 

Sounds like a very pleasant outing you have coming up. Nice to have such companionship

[mlroseplant]

11 hours ago, jeremy1986 said:

I found @hhboots's suggestions to be spot on! This is what I did with my wife (after 13 or so years of marriage...) - she does not completely understand. but she somewhat accepts.

That's pretty much my situation also. No real understanding, but acceptance most of the time. I'm thankful for that.