Negative comments.....

[Crazyewok]

Iv been street heeling quite abit lately. Some times in very noticeable heels and some times in diecreet heels. Some times on my own and some times with freinds. So far iv had zero negative comments. The most iv had were a couple of confused looks. So is this the same as everyone else here?

[mikeheel]

Exactly my findings. I have had more witterings for wearing a sarong, but I think we all overestimate the number of people who even spot high heels. I wear very obvious high shoes every week and have only had compliments and quesions about "HOW" not "WHY" !! M

[stefan]

I have had some comments but very few of them. A couple of weeks ago a guy asked me whu I had heels on. And he asked the sort of "standard" question, Are you gay? Like that would have anything to do with it. But still it was not put in a negative manner, more qurious.

[johnieheel]

Yep

[Histiletto]

People are generally surprised when they notice my stilettos. Usually they crack a smile as they walk on by and then there are those, usually teens, who openly point and/or stare with a big grin making sure the people their with also notice. This kind of awareness is more of a momental discovery than a negative reaction. At least, there are a few more people who have seen a male wearing stilettos. So! They now have the opportunity to know it is a real choice more than something that will never happen. All we have to do is exhibit our desire and choice to wear high heels and the world will come around to acknowledging heels are another style of footwear for men. We all want to be truthful with those we associate. If others continue to have the idea that only women have the desire, and are able, to wear heels, then the men that also have the heeling desire will continue to be slighted as they have the same drive to satisfy their desire to wear heels. Men will continue to heel in secret and/or seek other outlets, such as finding others of similar interest or communicating anonymously on the internet. This still promotes the faulty attitude which has led people, not just heelers, away from really living life truthfully. Take for instance, a male/female relationship. A male heeler tells of his high heel wearing desire to the woman he cares a great deal for and due to the social stigma, although she has feelings for him, she doesn't accept that part of him. If the relationship is to continue, he has to quarantine his desire away from her, he could abstain and leave this desire unfulfilled, or she has to tollerate some activity. These solutions put undue strain on their abilities to trust each other. She is unsure of his role model as a man and he can't share an important part of who he is, which means they can't freely live life. The right to personal choice is a fundamental principle of being human. When we are told what to desire and told what we can do, aren't these properties used in slavery? Society has been telling what we should like and what kind of things or services we can handle. Now with this stereotyping, we are expected to follow certain guidelines. Any deviation is considered an evil act or violation, which have been given social repercussions to force the offender back into line or separate them from the fold by labeling them as weird, deviant, and/or perverse. Fulfilling a desire to wear heels is a bit odd at this time, because of the famaliarity, but it does not qualify in any other reason to receive such social repuke.

[Majo]

I've seen some confused faces along in my outings; and many weird acts of the people that saw my heels. Once, the guy who gave me the ticket of my credit card purchase let it fall to the floor to get a closer look when picking it up. I work for an industry where heels are inpractical, hence not used even by women. So, it's not very common to see 4" heels around... imagine a guy in 4 inchers. Never the less, I haven't seen any awkward or disapproving faces, just surprise looks. And, by the way, my boots always rock! My view upon the looks of the people that meet when walking on heels is more less as follows: We, humans specimens, tend to sort things out for a better understanding. This is not necessarily -intrinsically- wrong; it's just a way to comprehend what appears before us in the way we are used to address the already known events, things or creatures. This action has a judging implicit nature which is merely due to the act of sorting. When things don't fit we sometimes get stubborn and pretend -want- to make them fit our own way, regardless the needs or desires of the new occurrence. If we are tolerant, maybe we tend to look at this new unexpected event as weird or "unclassified"; but falls into the "Threat, no threat" dilemma which is mostly what generates our reaction. When we are aware of this dilemma, we are more prepared to deal with it. This conciousness brakes the limit to acceptance -or not- in a way we can handle correctly. When it goes by in an more subconscious way, fear gets in the way and all sort of reactions get triggered. Bad reactions from people are usually a mirror of their own fears and not necessarily a response to us as individuals. High heels are usually used by women and are quite noisy. Heads turn not because of the noise, but because they are associated with a nice pair of legs or a good looking lady. When I see a man instead, maybe there is something missing in my internal conception of what I should get. Two of many things occur: The cute lady is not there, which is a drawback; my matching criteria is wrong. So, I can address my criteria, and say "I should review my standards on this"; or I can address his criteria and say "He has wrong standards". The first one is the hard way to go, the second one is the easy way to go. Most of human beings tend to go by the easiest way and react. What I'm sure of this is that: If a guy or a gal has a bad reaction on me, and I can recognize this reaction, it's because I'm able of reacting the same way under similar circumstances -not regarding heels, of course-. So, the bad reaction in some way is a thing a can use to grow in confidence and on the better knowledge of myself.

[wood&metal]

Just some laughs and a "He's sooo gay" from some grubby looking late teen-maybe early 20's kids.. Two boys and two girls, who were all wearing essentially the same t-shirts, shorts, and flip flops, I might add... Mostly though, just odd or quizical looks, and a complement or two...

[Guest]

well wood&metal, you know about that idiot "gay" connection, false due to so much ignorance on their part. Now, I just happen to be gay, but that does not mean in any way I wear heels because I am gay, but a lot people just get so darn confused about what it really means to be gay in the first place & what fashion represents as far as footwear goes (i.e. boots with heels) it never stops amazing me to this social enigma to gender style clothing & sexual orientation. go figure, eh!!??

[Histiletto]

Some people want to control others because they aren't sure of their own perspective when they have feelings they're not suppose to have by their stereotyping. So they throw out negative epithets for those they view as living the feelings they are trying to suppress to prove they are fitting in. This is another reason our gender classification should be reviewed and corrected to fit closer to what and who people really are. The blanket feminine/masculine descriptions aren't that accurate, when the obvious contradictions are so prevellent in each one of us. No one can truthfully say they have never thought or felt any of the things their gender opposites have been stereotypically assigned. Of course, it was from an individual perspective, but close enough to determine the similarities.

[onyourtoes]

I think I've had 2 or 3 negative comments in nearly 50 years of street heeling, the last one was probably 30 years ago. All were from behind, from the 15-20 year old age range, and never from someone who was not in a group. I've had several compliments over the years, mostly from women, but a couple from men including someone who wanted to know where he could get a pair. He was surprised when I told him they were women's, but remained interested. Curiously, the black clogs in the photo below have attracted the most disapproving stares, all from 20-30 year old males. Maybe it's because they're noisy and noticed more often. The heeled "work boots" have one fun story attached. I wore them into a local convenience store and was spotted by a group of late teen males that were hanging around. One giggled, pointed, and said "Look!" Teenage boy #2 said, "Cool," and #3 seemed to agree with #2. Maybe there's hope, after all. Recently in a supermarket, a gray haired, Birkenstock wearing, thinks he's still in 1966 San Francisco hippie, commented on my cowboy boots. "Those are really nice, I'll bet you didn't get them around here."

[Bubba136]

Curiously, the black clogs in the photo below have attracted the most disapproving stares, all from 20-30 year old males. Maybe it's because they're noisy and noticed more often.

That's interesting. A year ago, my wife broke her leg tripping down a set of stairs. While at the hospital, where she underwent extensive surgery putting the broken bones back together, all but one or two of the six or eight member surgical team caring for her, were wearing identical clogs. Both male and female. White was the preferred color, though. In fact, I quite frequently noticed many other members of the nursing staff wearing them during here recovery and 3 week rehabilitative stages of her hospital stay.

[wood&metal]

With reguards to the group mentallity... I've always said that in general, a person is smart, but people are stupid...

[roniheels]

Iv been street heeling quite abit lately. Some times in very noticeable heels and some times in diecreet heels. Some times on my own and some times with freinds. So far iv had zero negative comments. The most iv had were a couple of confused looks. So is this the same as everyone else here?

I cannot ever remember anyone coming up to me while I was wearing high heels and point-blank saying something negative to me concerning me wearing high heels. I've seen the looks, I've heard the whispers and snickers, and I've seen the shaking of the heads. But as I've said many times, it's mostly smiles and positive reactions to me wearing high heels. And as far as when and wear I've worn high heels in public, I just try to use common sense and I plan my outings.

[hh4evr1]

I have only had negative comments from groups of teens. I just ignored them as I don't know them and they don't know me, so their comments don't matter. These same groups were the kind of people who would make fun of anyone/anything different.

[hhboots]

Same goes for me, I have seen some grins, double takes, whispers, and occasional snickering that is harmless and that I usually ignore. However, I did have one time at a store where a middle aged woman practically stopped, dropped her jaw with a look of horror on her face that I have never seen before, and pointed me out to her teenage son that was with her right in front of me. She was clearly whispering something unkind to her son about me, and continued to stare the whole time. That was the closest thing to a negative comment I have recieved even though it wasn't said directly at me, it might as well have been. That incident did give me pause. I took it much harder than I should have and I unfortunately took a 3-4 month hiatus from public heeling to re-evaluate my desire to do this at the time. Happily though I did move on from it and am back at it again. I think that incident made me stronger in the long run, but it was pretty hard to overcome for whatever reason.

[JohnH]

Same goes for me, I have seen some grins, double takes, whispers, and occasional snickering that is harmless and that I usually ignore.

However, I did have one time at a store where a middle aged woman practically stopped, dropped her jaw with a look of horror on her face that I have never seen before, and pointed me out to her teenage son that was with her right in front of me. She was clearly whispering something unkind to her son about me, and continued to stare the whole time. That was the closest thing to a negative comment I have recieved even though it wasn't said directly at me, it might as well have been. That incident did give me pause. I took it much harder than I should have and I unfortunately took a 3-4 month hiatus from public heeling to re-evaluate my desire to do this at the time.

Happily though I did move on from it and am back at it again. I think that incident made me stronger in the long run, but it was pretty hard to overcome for whatever reason.

Maybe you should have confronted the women for her attitude. Part of the exercise of wearing unconventional attire is to give a person confidence to deal with adverse situations. I have had to confront a neighbor for his scorn for my wearing a skirt all the time. Clearly that woman was in the wrong.

Now I suggest you start wearing a dress or at least a skirt with when you heel...

[Prutske255]

I'm wearing some boots with a 8cm (3in) chunky heel in public . I'm going to airport very often and no comments at all . I had only once a comment from a teenager who asked "are these womens shoes ?". I told these are "my shoes " . end of the story and no further comment . Prutske255

[stefan]

Maybe you should have confronted the women for her attitude. Part of the exercise of wearing unconventional attire is to give a person confidence to deal with adverse situations. I have had to confront a neighbor for his scorn for my wearing a skirt all the time. Clearly that woman was in the wrong.

Now I suggest you start wearing a dress or at least a skirt with when you heel...

The ultimate goal would of course be to wear a skirt or dress for work. But I don't think I dare to do that just yet. I do however regularly have earrings, sometimes 4 of them in each ear and sometime just one big hoop earring in each ear. To accompany this I use mascara and sometimes eyeshadow and I also paint my finger and toenails. My colleagues have all accepted / tolerated this.

But I have so far not gone to work in heels and/or a dress or skirt. My best friend has however seen me in a skirt and with heels and he is supporting me whatever I do. It is nice to have friends like that. I don't think anything I do will trigger any negative comment from him.

On the other hand I know that my old mother would be freeked out. She barely tolerates my earrings and painted nails. Here being a phycologist does not make this easier. So I try and go easy on here. But for the rest I really don't care that much. But I have my times when I "chicken out".

My dream scenario is for me to always be in makeup, have large hoop earrings, have painted nails, have either a dress or skirt and heels. I wuld do this still being male. I don't want to be a woman, just borrow the attire.

[JohnH]

The ultimate goal would of course be to wear a skirt or dress for work. But I don't think I dare to do that just yet. I do however regularly have earrings, sometimes 4 of them in each ear and sometime just one big hoop earring in each ear. To accompany this I use mascara and sometimes eyeshadow and I also paint my finger and toenails. My colleagues have all accepted / tolerated this.

But I have so far not gone to work in heels and/or a dress or skirt. My best friend has however seen me in a skirt and with heels and he is supporting me whatever I do. It is nice to have friends like that. I don't think anything I do will trigger any negative comment from him.

On the other hand I know that my old mother would be freeked out. She barely tolerates my earrings and painted nails. Here being a phycologist does not make this easier. So I try and go easy on here. But for the rest I really don't care that much. But I have my times when I "chicken out".

My dream scenario is for me to always be in makeup, have large hoop earrings, have painted nails, have either a dress or skirt and heels. I wuld do this still being male. I don't want to be a woman, just borrow the attire.

I totally agree with you. I like to borrow women's attire and still be recognized as a man and not try to pass myself off as a woman! Since it is unusual for a woman to wear a dress, it is not much more unusual for me as a man to wear one. I would really have a harder time wearing hoop earrings than wearing a dress.

[Maximilian]

I had only once a comment from a teenager who asked "are these womens shoes ?".

I told these are "my shoes " .

end of the story and no further comment .

Prutske255

Why do these morons even ask a question they already know the answer to? Of course they are shoes marketed for women yet here I am, a guy, wearing them, as guy! You don't like it? Boohoo! Now piss off!!! That's what goes in my mind when I read about these stupid people's questions.

[Guest]

I like how you put that Max, thats what I feel too when asked idiotic questions about what SHOULD be apparent to people, but as well you know, there's always that person "apparently a moron" type that you'll come across on occasion. (you could have a "smartass type of answer" to them, since they did ask a like-wise question to you, but ofcourse thats really up to you @ the moment of interaction)

[Amanda]

It's not only you guys who get negative comments you know! it's something that is part of heel wearing that you need to get to grips with.

[jmc]

It's not only you guys who get negative comments you know!

it's something that is part of heel wearing that you need to get to grips with.

Perhaps it's motivated by envy? "Gee I wish I could wear shoes like that. But if I did I'd get all kinds of sneers and catcalls. So I'm gonna jump all over this dude/gal's chili." Kinda makes it all a little silly, doesn't it? All because we happen to like a certain style of shoe.

[Thighbootguy]

I suspect we (guys and gals, but especially guys) get negative comments because what we are wearing is “different”. Most societies are groups of people that have similar values that are passed on from one generation to another and the teaching that guys dress like this (whatever “this” is) is passed on. Young people in a group have to learn what is accepted and the teaching process often causes them to rebel but as the learning continues they conform to the teachings of the group. We are taught almost everything including acceptable behavior, and acceptable appearance. Sometimes the teaching breaks down. In the U.S.A., young people today are much more tolerant of other races than their elders are but it has taken a huge effort to make that change happen. Women in many societies have also been able to break the teaching about what they can wear, with a result that few women wear dresses and most wear slacks. Most of the changes in what is taught as acceptable take a generation to occur. One of societies teaching tools is ridicule. When you see something “different” you are taught (usually by experience) to heap ridicule upon it so it will change to an “accepted” form, and as an example to others to not stray from the “accepted”. Guys wearing clothing that has been “accepted as women’s clothing” are doing something that is “different” and this presents teachable moments to society so we should expect the “lessons”. I do believe that the societies that many of us live in have become more self centered and lax in their teaching, making them appear to be more tolerant societies.

[HappyinHeels]

If you are hip and brave enough to wear heels in public then you should be prepared for, but not dwell on, the opportunity to defend your dignity in the face those jerks that inhabit every corner of the Earth. I liked one forumer's rejoinder to the question' "aren't those women's shoes?" and the reply was "these are MY shoes". Simple and instructive which is exactly what some people need. Others who may openly laugh at you will think twice when you then say; "Hey, did you hear the one about the proctologist called to remove a six-inch heel from another man's rear end???" This will hit with the force of a cruise missile. Just the thought of a guy in heels kicking the snot out of another guy will end such behavior. People who sneer, laugh, or say some of these dumbass things do so in front of some type of audience since they are rarely capable of doing it alone. And if they are alone then you can make the reply just as brash as you want it. The point is this- your freedom and dignity are at stake and they should be heroically and vigorously defended. Some things simply cannot be politely ignored. People like this are bullies and bullies need to be crushed with the boot of freedom. HappyinHeels

[Guest]

way to go HappyinHeels, well said!!

[Guest]

Last week I got from one of our contractors comments about my jeans being "too" flared "that I needed to get up to date". I was ready to give it a "what ever, do I really care" and almost got a retort ready when two of my team gave him an up/down look and together commented on his work style jogging trousers that totally stunned him. Hey sometimes it works both ways but little did he know (or ain't got a clue) that they were female boot-cuts. No one during the last 8 months have cottoned on that the zip is lefthanded and not male right. All my team and several outside on other teams know about me and heels, 25 maybe 30 people in all, I get some teasing but we all pass it around, even our most jack the lad (sorry to say verbally anti gay) accepts that being bald he could be a closet CD/TV and what new wigs he has bought. The two of us have had some eye opening discussions in front of our female work planner. She has asked later what is true and she doesn't believe us. some days a boring, some enlighten but seem to be too few between. Al

[JeffB]

....Others who may openly laugh at you will think twice when you then say; "Hey, did you hear the one about the proctologist called to remove a six-inch heel from another man's rear end???" This will hit with the force of a cruise missile. Just the thought of a guy in heels kicking the snot out of another guy will end such behavior. People who sneer, laugh, or say some of these dumbass things do so in front of some type of audience since they are rarely capable of doing it alone. And if they are alone then you can make the reply just as brash as you want it.

While I agree with what you said, at the same time, you have to be extremely careful about whom you confront as you never know if that person might decide to take you up on your offer and respond with actual violence, just like flipping off someone while driving, only to have that someone go berserk, whip out a gun and shoot at you. How many times have we read or heard horror stories exactly like that? There's way too many nuts out there looking for a trigger or an excuse to set them off, and while 99 out of a hundred buffoons you'll encounter will be all bark and no bite, that one lone cretin who crosses your path might be the one who'll be the painful exception. In my mind, verbal confrontations simply aren't worth the potential trouble. Given the choice between engaging a fool who's looking for attention and turning the other cheek, I'll take the latter option.

[roniheels]

It's not only you guys who get negative comments you know!

it's something that is part of heel wearing that you need to get to grips with.

This is a good point, Amanda. I work with a woman who wears very nice clothes and especially high heels every day. And I can't get over all of the women who riddicule her behind her back.

[malinheels]

Hi Amanda i can't beleive that females get negative comments about wearing heels what i mean to say is that i do beleive what you are saying but why would women be giving negative comments to other women isn't that a violation of the sisterhood act and from my experience with women and myself wearing high heels i get nothing but positive remarks from the sisterhood like i'm an honorary member because i wear high heels & skirts cheers malinheels