I'm Back----For The Most Part

[JeffB]

Greetings! JeffB here! Again! I'm sure a lot of people here have wondered what happened to me, if I had fallen off the edge of the earth or what. Well, the reason why I left was somewhat complicated, and on top of that, I handled my exit from here badly, just dropping off and not letting everyone here know, and I apologize for having been so damned inconsiderate. And now for why I left. Like thighbootguy, I began to realize that I had gone overboard with my passion for wearing women's shoes, something I fear had been exacerbated by my then recent fetish for wearing skirts. Almost all of my waking hours had been consumed by thinking about heels, where to wear them, when to wear them, shopping for them, not to mention all the money I was spending on them, going into the hundreds of dollars, everything was spiraling out of control for me, and it felt quite uncomfortable. On top of that, late in 2005, I was transfered from where I had been working to another facility, one that did have a posted dress code and strict regulations on what employees were required to wear. Since my job was more important to me than wearing women's shoes, I surrendered to practicality and returned to wearing men's shoes at work. This sea change also allowed me to step back and examine my passion and how it had grown out of control, and I found I didn't like what I was looking at. Literally. Looking at all the pictures of myself wearing heels, then skirts, I discovered I no longer liked what I saw, thinking that wasn't me, wasn't who I really was. In a moment of panic, fueled by self-revulsion, I took down the website and deleted all the picture files, not wanting anyone to see what I had become, I reaally thought I had lost my mind by posting pictures of myself wearing skirts and heels. As for my collection, I gave away pretty much everything to the Salvation Army, no longer wanting any of that stuff, no longer wanting to be associated with what I had become. In retrospect, I was arrogant, thinking I was strong and wouldn't lose control of my passion. Sadly, I was wrong. So very wrong. After having stepped back, I could see how crazy I had become with my passion, how I had become so obsessed with it, and it wasn't healthy, that's why I had to get away from it all, including the board. In the months that followed, I began to feel much better about myself as I didn't have my passion to precoccupy almost every waking moment like it had. Life became so much easier and simpler without the passion and I was able to have fun with everything life has to offer, friends, family, work, other hobbies, the whole nine yards. With almost a year spent away from the passion, refreshed and reinvigorated, having realized that there's much more to life than wearing women's shoes, I've decided to dip a tentative toe back into the waters and return to the passion, and here, but slowly, carefully, determined not to go overboard like I had before. As I mentioned before, I apologize for having disappeared like I did. I should've let everyone know of what I was doing, but didn't, and I'm very sorry about that. So I'm back, but as a semi-regular contributor as I'm seeking to maintain a healthy balance between the passion and everything else in my life. In closing, it's good to be back.

[shrimper]

Hey Man. It's good to see you back again. We all wondered and worried about you. You really were missed. We would love to hear more about your journeys of late since you've done such a major purge. Here's hoping when you dip your toe back in (pun intended) that you don't fall in too deeply again. But to deny yourself totally is not the healthiest option either. Welcome back.

[JeffB]

Hey Man. It's good to see you back again. We all wondered and worried about you. You really were missed.

We would love to hear more about your journeys of late since you've done such a major purge. Here's hoping when you dip your toe back in (pun intended) that you don't fall in too deeply again. But to deny yourself totally is not the healthiest option either.

Welcome back.

Hello! Thanks for the warm words. It certainly is good to be back, though I may not be as prolific a poster as in the past. As for my journeys, well, they weren't anything to write home about, just enjoying life, work, free time spent with friends and/or indulging in favorite hobbies and pasttimes. Freed of my obsession with wearing women's shoes, life was all the more enjoyable, however, I won't deny that I did think about the passion from time to time.

Because of the new workplace, I haven't worn heels there in almost a year, and it looks like that's not going to change any time soon, if at all, so when I do return to the passion, it'll only be on the occasional weekend or day off, and even then, it won't be a sure thing. Like I said before, I'll have to go slow so I don't overindulge like I had in the past. The purge of my shoe collection wasn't hard for me as during that time when I felt disgusted with myself and the whole business, I couldn't get rid of the stuff fast enough. Now I'll have to start over again, though not as rabidly as before.

And yes, I do agree that denying myself of something I enjoy isn't the best thing. I'll just have to learn to control things better.

[hoverfly]

Welcome back Jeff!! See folks, I remember saying he will be back, but nooooooooo some of you doubted me... Life changes require a step back and a purge of habits that may not have been a good thing, but you kept your job and sanity so life is good. But that dress code, got to do something about the part with the shoes.......mabye start off with a men's boot with a Cuban heel?

[JeffB]

Greetings! JeffB here! Again! I'm sure a lot of people here have wondered what happened to me, if I had fallen off the edge of the earth or what. Well, the reason why I left was somewhat complicated, and on top of that, I handled my exit from here badly, just dropping off and not letting everyone here know, and I apologize for having been so damned inconsiderate. And now for why I left. Like thighbootguy, I began to realize that I had gone overboard with my passion for wearing women's shoes, something I fear had been exacerbated by my then recent fetish for wearing skirts. Almost all of my waking hours had been consumed by thinking about heels, where to wear them, when to wear them, shopping for them, not to mention all the money I was spending on them, going into the hundreds of dollars, everything was spiraling out of control for me, and it felt quite uncomfortable. On top of that, late in 2005, I was transfered from where I had been working to another facility, one that did have a posted dress code and strict regulations on what employees were required to wear. Since my job was more important to me than wearing women's shoes, I surrendered to practicality and returned to wearing men's shoes at work. This sea change also allowed me to step back and examine my passion and how it had grown out of control, and I found I didn't like what I was looking at. Literally. Looking at all the pictures of myself wearing heels, then skirts, I discovered I no longer liked what I saw, thinking that wasn't me, wasn't who I really was. In a moment of panic, fueled by self-revulsion, I took down the website and deleted all the picture files, not wanting anyone to see what I had become, I reaally thought I had lost my mind by posting pictures of myself wearing skirts and heels. As for my collection, I gave away pretty much everything to the Salvation Army, no longer wanting any of that stuff, no longer wanting to be associated with what I had become. In retrospect, I was arrogant, thinking I was strong and wouldn't lose control of my passion. Sadly, I was wrong. So very wrong. After having stepped back, I could see how crazy I had become with my passion, how I had become so obsessed with it, and it wasn't healthy, that's why I had to get away from it all, including the board. In the months that followed, I began to feel much better about myself as I didn't have my passion to precoccupy almost every waking moment like it had. Life became so much easier and simpler without the passion and I was able to have fun with everything life has to offer, friends, family, work, other hobbies, the whole nine yards. With almost a year spent away from the passion, refreshed and reinvigorated, having realized that there's much more to life than wearing women's shoes, I've decided to dip a tentative toe back into the waters and return to the passion, and here, but slowly, carefully, determined not to go overboard like I had before. As I mentioned before, I apologize for having disappeared like I did. I should've let everyone know of what I was doing, but didn't, and I'm very sorry about that. So I'm back, but as a semi-regular contributor as I'm seeking to maintain a healthy balance between the passion and everything else in my life. In closing, it's good to be back.

[Thighbootguy]

JeffB -

Welcome back!

You have hit the concept exactly right by “seeking to maintain a healthy balance between the passion and everything else in my life”

Several of us were really concerned about what happened (or was happening) to you. Its great to have you back and well.

[JeffB]

JeffB -

Welcome back!

You have hit the concept exactly right by “seeking to maintain a healthy balance between the passion and everything else in my life”

Several of us were really concerned about what happened (or was happening) to you. Its great to have you back and well.

Thanks for the kind words. Yeah, the balance had definitely gone south with a vengeance as I didn't at all like what was happening to me at the time, what with my passion having gone out of control. I feel better for having stepped away, that was probably the best decision I've made in a long time, and I'll definitely be a better person for having done so. Once again, thanks for welcoming me back.

[tal]

Thankx Jeff for your post. Having missed you a long time, i find it very interesting to read your story, expecialy as i'm sometimes wondering if i'm getting dragged to deep into my fetish life at the moment. It comes together with TBG's post. which i also found very interesting to read, and am trying to mirror that to my own life to understand if i'm going to far. Good luck, C

[Bubba136]

Welcome back, Jeff. It's a big relief to learn that you didn't succumb to some frightening imaginary malady or horrific accident that left you laid up for eternity. All things in moderation, as the old saying goes. Itn't it frightening to realize how powerful any addicton can become? And, so quickly does it take over your entire life to a point that it is all consuming. Glad you "got a handle" on it. Wonderful to see you back and I look forward to reading your most interesting posts, again.

[Dr. Shoe]

TBH I was wondering whether you were heading down HiLuc's path and I'm glad that you've sorted yourself out and have found a balance with which you're happy! I'm even more glad that you're back!

[canadianbeaver17]

Thanks for the update, JeffB. I'm sure all of us here have thought that our "heels" were a little overboard or life-consuming (for lack of a better term) at times. It's good that you took a step back and evaluated your life and what is important. Good for you! Just know that there is always a place for you here!

[jmc]

Hey JeffB -- good to see you back! Some of us were getting a little worried.

[dr1819]

JeffB, in life everything must balance. I'm not into this philosophy, per se', but I know that overindulgence in anything is never good. I'm glad you recognized this, and hope you're spending plenty of time with your family, on your job, and in other pursuits, as well. I look forward to hearing from you around the forum.

[Dawn HH]

Hey---JeffB---welcome back to the Forum. It certainly is good to hear from you again and to know that you hadn't fallen off of the earth. (That was for the flat earth people), if there are any left these days. TEE! HEE! Keep us posted on any of your heeling activities for us all to read. Welcome back again, friend. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[BobHH]

It's good to hear from you. Many were worried something bad had happened. Dress codes in this day and age! Having just met with a top government manager on the West Coast, who was casually dressed, and corporate VPs in the midwest and west, all casually dressed, I am not used to dress codes any more. Of course, my business is sort of progressive that way and does not deal with the general public. I understand the tendency to go overboard in the shoe department. I also have lots of men's shoes - more than I will ever wear. I never wear them out. Used to have only one pair years ago and wore them until they had to be replaced. That was certainly simpler. I try to keep things a little even - have not worn heels today as it is cold and the son is home today.

[Danielinheels]

Hey Jeff! Good to see you back around again. Sorry to hear about the job transfer and the subsequent self-reflection that came - that which ended in a purge I can't possibly say enough how great it is to know that you're alive, safe and sound - some of us had feared the worst. Glad to know that can set behind us now.

[ShockQueen]

Hiiiiiiiiii JeffB! So great to see you back again! I truly missed seeing you around here, and am very relieved to hear things are working out for you. I agree that sometimes you have to take a few steps back and see what direction your life is going in, and then make a choice as to what you really want to do. It's good to hear the job is still going well, and although you're not as "deep" in your passion, nice healthy moderation is always a nice thing. You have to go with what will make you the happiest though....that's the important thing. Again, WELCOME BACK, JeffB! Hope you have a wonderful holiday season! SQ

[JeffB]

To everyone! I can't thank you enough for the kind words you relayed to me in your posts. It's certainly good to know you hadn't abandoned me when, through actions I hadn't completely thought out, had abandoned you. Again, I deeply apologize for making all of you worry about me. As for the job transfer, I forgot to mention that it meant a slight raise in pay, so it wasn't all bad, nothing like a little extra cash in my pocket. As for the passion, I'll have to start over from scratch, having given away everything I owned. Some of the shoes I had only worn once or not at all, and thus was the crux of the problem I had at the time, I bought shoes just because they looked nice, actually wearing them was a secondary concern. I try not to think about all the money I spent foolishly. Having learned my lesson, I intend to be much more careful this time, and since wearing heels at work is out, I won't need as many pairs of shoes this time. As for returning to public wearing....we'll see about that. I'll keep everyone appraised of my progress.

[JeffB]

To everyone! I can't thank you enough for the kind words you relayed to me in your posts. It's certainly good to know you hadn't abandoned me when, through actions I hadn't completely thought out, had abandoned you. Again, I deeply apologize for making all of you worry about me. As for the job transfer, I forgot to mention that it meant a slight raise in pay, so it wasn't all bad, nothing like a little extra cash in my pocket. As for the passion, I'll have to start over from scratch, having given away everything I owned. Some of the shoes I had only worn once or not at all, and thus was the crux of the problem I had at the time, I bought shoes just because they looked nice, actually wearing them was a secondary concern. I try not to think about all the money I spent foolishly. Having learned my lesson, I intend to be much more careful this time, and since wearing heels at work is out, I won't need as many pairs of shoes this time. As for returning to public wearing....we'll see about that. I'll keep everyone appraised of my progress.

[Heelfan]

Allow me to join those before me who are understanding and sympathetic to you. As a veteran street-heeler from aged 12 to 62 (50 years and counting), I've gone through various phases of going "over-the-top" (amassing several hundred pairs of heels) and then having periodic drawing-back and having massive clear-outs and non heel-wearing phases. However, many such previous forum debates have established that it seems to be a passion that we're stuck with, and it DOESN'T GO AWAY - it simply becomes suppressed for a while. So yes, as already said in this thread, it is all down to a balance of gently enjoying one's innermost passions without going bust or feeling that you are making a total fool of yourself or worse still, starting to despise yourself. "Everything in moderation" as some wise person said. Happy heeling! Cheers, Heelfan

[sendra45]

Welcome back, I for one feared the worst, but as your pictures dissapeared I realized that you must have been removing them. All of what you have said does not surprise me, and I thank you for coming back and telling us about it. and as for leaving all of a sudden without a goodbye, everybody will forgive you. Thanks for popping by, dont be a stranger, but be strong also. Your words will strike a note with more than just a few here. Nigel

[Krapsparov]

It’s a funny thing.

We want to be treated and have the same freedom as women, but woman look at heels as of matter of fact.

They don’t get obsessed about wearing them, they just do it. Is this what we should be aiming for? Instead of going out and buying a thousand pair of shoes and then beating ourselves up where to wear them, should we not get our heads in the same place where woman are?

How many women do you know with the same amount of shoes as us or feel they have to wear them on every occasion? It’s not that many if you look closely.

I feel that the fact that we are turning it into an obsession could very well be undermining our fight for heel freedom.

Lets learn from Jeff’s experience and slow down a bit.

Jon

[NewfieGuyInHeels]

I too have been thinking the same way as of late. Wondering if I was just foolish to like heels. But then I came to the conclusion that it's just something I like, and there's nothing wrong with that. I have 2 or 3 pairs of boots with heels, and a Pair of cowboy boots with 3 inch heels on the way. Looking at them I think I have all I want in heels. When I wear a pair out, I'll look to replace it. I'm a huge shoe enthusiest (sp?) anyway. I have over 30 pairs (men's and woman's) My friend's make the comment often that I'm "worse than a woman" But I never buy 2 that look alot alike. And I don't fuss over wearing what when and where. I just wear what I'm in the mood for, and that's that. So IMO I think I have a good handle on my shoes, but I will admit I like wearing heels a little more than most of my shoes, I just know there's a time and a place. I wouldn't wear heels running, but I wouldn't wear sneakers to a fancy resturaunt.

[HeelD]

Firstly JeffB, welcome back. It's good to see you are well and in charge of your life.

It’s a funny thing.

We want to be treated and have the same freedom as women, but woman look at heels as of matter of fact.

They don’t get obsessed about wearing them, they just do it. Is this what we should be aiming for? Instead of going out and buying a thousand pair of shoes and then beating ourselves up where to wear them, should we not get our heads in the same place where woman are?

How many women do you know with the same amount of shoes as us or feel they have to wear them on every occasion? It’s not that many if you look closely.

I feel that the fact that we are turning it into an obsession could very well be undermining our fight for heel freedom.

Lets learn from Jeff’s experience and slow down a bit.

I agree. Actually I have a theory regarding this:

We males are restricted by society in where we can wear our heels unlike the girls who can wear heels to work, play or whatever without hinderance. As we guys are restricted we counteract this by buying more shoes as we need to fullfil something so buying heels does this. But if we cannot wear these shoes other than at home, we obsess about it and we need to fullfil something, so we buy another pair of shoes and the circle continues, because hey it's to buy heels! The ladies, as they can wear the shoes where they want, they don't need to buy shoes every time they want to fullfil their shoe desire, they can just put them on and go out. To break this circle for men, all we need to do is balance our heel wearing - wear some nice shoes out at the weekend if you're restricted at work, or if you are brave enough wear heels at work if you can but don't make a big deal out of it.

A good example of someone who is well balanced is kneehighs. Seems to keep his heels specifically for play or pottering around Manhattan.

Remember it's YOU who makes you who you ARE not the shoes.

[MrsHeels]

Jeff B -

I am new here, and sorry to say I have not missed you. Anyway welcome back. It seems your return has made several happy, for that I have smiled while reading these posts!

Balance is everything in life. Like most things when it begins we indulge completely, and at times allow it to overwhelm us, comsume the better part of our life. You seemed to have shifted and are now regaining your balance. This new awareness is very healthy....Good for you!

I am newely married (8 months) to Gary0618, from this forum. In the past year he too has looked at his past obsession with heels. Once married we now had 2 of everything, and at least 4 of our heel collection. Only issue, I will wear all the heels I own, while he owned some very (my opinion) outragious heels. Together we have well over 300 pairs, and a small home.

My solution was he could only buy what he will wear, often in the house, and ocassionally out doors. As for what he already owned, so be it. Well, after thinking and living with this for a year or so, he has decided to sell what he will not or no longer wears.

We are having so much fun putting heels on eBay and watching others enjoy bidding on them. Just today we shipped 10 pairs out! Gives him more money to buy more, and maybe a few for me as well.

You have found your balance, hold on tight. Life is not always smooth sailing, but the bumps in the way only serve to make us stronger.

I agee don't give up your passion completely, rather take control of it, instead of it controlling you.

Good Luck and Be Well,

Katherine

[heelium]

Firstly JeffB, welcome back. It's good to see you are well and in charge of your life.

I agree. Actually I have a theory regarding this:

We males are restricted by society in where we can wear our heels unlike the girls who can wear heels to work, play or whatever without hinderance. As we guys are restricted we counteract this by buying more shoes as we need to fullfil something so buying heels does this. But if we cannot wear these shoes other than at home, we obsess about it and we need to fullfil something, so we buy another pair of shoes and the circle continues, because hey it's to buy heels! The ladies, as they can wear the shoes where they want, they don't need to buy shoes every time they want to fullfil their shoe desire, they can just put them on and go out. To break this circle for men, all we need to do is balance our heel wearing - wear some nice shoes out at the weekend if you're restricted at work, or if you are brave enough wear heels at work if you can but don't make a big deal out of it.

A good example of someone who is well balanced is kneehighs. Seems to keep his heels specifically for play or pottering around Manhattan.

Remember it's YOU who makes you who you ARE not the shoes.

I have been having guilty pangs about my heeling recently too (hence a thread I recently started), for me, Heel-D you are absolutely spot-on, I'm 100% convinced that I purchase as many womens shoes as I do because that has now become the outlet as I can not wear them as publicly as I would like.

Welcome back Jeff, whilst I don't recall ever posting a response to one of your threads, may I say that I always read them with interest. I'm relieved that you are safe & well .

Heelium

[JeffB]

Firstly JeffB, welcome back. It's good to see you are well and in charge of your life.

I agree. Actually I have a theory regarding this:

We males are restricted by society in where we can wear our heels unlike the girls who can wear heels to work, play or whatever without hinderance. As we guys are restricted we counteract this by buying more shoes as we need to fullfil something so buying heels does this. But if we cannot wear these shoes other than at home, we obsess about it and we need to fullfil something, so we buy another pair of shoes and the circle continues, because hey it's to buy heels! The ladies, as they can wear the shoes where they want, they don't need to buy shoes every time they want to fullfil their shoe desire, they can just put them on and go out. To break this circle for men, all we need to do is balance our heel wearing - wear some nice shoes out at the weekend if you're restricted at work, or if you are brave enough wear heels at work if you can but don't make a big deal out of it.

A good example of someone who is well balanced is kneehighs. Seems to keep his heels specifically for play or pottering around Manhattan.

Remember it's YOU who makes you who you ARE not the shoes.

A brilliant thesis, Heel-D. I couldn't agree more as you were on target with everything you said. Because of limits on where I could wear heels, I did indeed overcompensate by buying more shoes than I needed, or could wear, given my limited circumstances, and I could wear my heels to work, but still felt constricted at times because I couldn't wear them more than I could. And that led to my obsessing over shoes which in turn led to everything getting thrown out of whack in my life, thus my purge and dropping off the board. But after all my time away, my balance is back, and that's a good feeling. We do indeed have to be careful about this passion of ours, people. If someone like me who prides himself as being very levelheaded can lose control, it can happen to anyone here. Call it a cautionary tale.

[Rockpup]

Jeff: Very glad to see you alive and well. We all have (or will) hit the wall at some point, it helps give you perspective and helps you to find a healthy balance.

[stilettolover]

Welcome back JeffB. Hope you find yourself to be in a better way now. We all missed your posts while you were absent.

[Thighboots2]

Let me add my few words to all who have already welcomed you "home". Jeff, you are not alone, nor are you the first and for sure you wont be the last. Its a defining moment and with good fortune you will find the balance. This issue can be about anything that becomes habitual or even obsessive, so everyone will go though this at sometime or another. I have read others postings on this board by those who have faced their particular issue describing the usual "see-saw" of purchase and disposal. Only when you step back and take a hard look at the whole issue will you break the cycle, and bravo for having done just so. I am pleased that you have found your balance. It takes courage to do what you have done, but it really takes a great weight of your shoulders and allows you to forge ahead to then next issue - which is usually the major issue of deciding exactly which brewery product you are going to drink next Welcome home. TB2