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SkirtDude

Out With Kilty

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I was surprised it was such a non event...

 

I was also surprised when I read your account.  I thought there would be much more of a todo about it.  But, I'm glad it went well.

 

 

 though I will still tread carefully...

 

Excellent strategy.

 

TBG

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I wonder what the reaction will be when you add high heels to the wardrobe mix?

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I wonder what the reaction will be when you add high heels to the wardrobe mix?

 

We'll find out tomorrow :wink:

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Well, that took the wind out of my sails after such a positive start.

 

After last Friday's successful (well in my view) trip to work skirted (I remind you I've been in kilts before on a dress down Friday), I thought I'd do it one day earlier, and teamed it with a pair of black Ralph Lauren heels (pix to follow) and grey tights and black pencil skirt. Going to work, I was prepared for any sniggers, looks etc, but as it was cold I had my hat on, and scarf and coat done up (rather like this guy :wink: )

At the bus stop, I had my iPod so didn't bother to listen to what people may think, as I got into work, the security guy on the desk said 'Halloween's been and gone, mate' and told me I had to use a temporary pass for the day (wasn't sure why but just went with it - the passes have been playing up for a while), and took my one off me, saying he had to 'upgrade' it :penitent: 

 

When I got in the manager from the Northern office was looking after our team as my usual boss was on holiday, and said to me 'Mate, we need to have a little chat if that's okay. Get a cuppa first, and meet me in the conference room in 10'

 

Silly me I assumed it was about a new rollout of kit we have for one of the new contracts we've started recently.

 

A few did say to me in the office that they said I looked smart, and wish they had the balls to dress like I did. One guy called it my 'straight grey kilt' another just called it a 'manskirt' which I thought was cool. I know very few here (unless working from home) heel, let alone skirt, so I felt I had pushed the envelope enough on the last outing.

 

Who do I see sitting in the office with this manager, but the HR lady. She said I looked 'nice', and wanted me to take a seat (so I did, and sat, legs crossed). The HR lady said 'you don't have to feel on edge, we just wanted to have a discussion regarding your dress which is certainly.... different'

 

I knew this might have been tough. Apparently someone complained in an email saying that I am affecting the credibility of the business in the manner of dress I have chosen. I countered, that last Friday, she herself said I looked smart! The Northern manager, unsurprisingly said that 'most blokes wouldn't leave their front door in a skirt', to which I said 'I'm not most blokes, I don't believe clothing has a gender.'

 

He offered no response to that, but then all of a sudden the HR lady said that they had been thinking to make some changes to my department and merge some roles, and this seemed the right time since a recent acquisition. She said 'we think we've come up with a suitable settlement for you' which seemed strange :penitent: then I realised they're giving me the boot (sadly not a heeled one)

 

I was told I had to accept it or walk away with nothing, and that in the light of such complaints, my final day is this Friday. She said 'we understand if you don't wish to work today if you feel uncomfortable'.

 

So that's how my day went yesterday, I cleared my desk, one of the Agency temps called me a 'battyman' and said he's 'glad' I've gone (I hear they've offered him my role as he'd been contracting for over a year). :irked: 

 

So, stitched up, in the name of fashion freedom. But I tell myself not to give a damn and be strong. It was a difficult journey home, and here I sit figuring what to do next. I have my black boots on with a black denim skirt having changed when I got back. What the HR lady said about 'transitioning' made me think, but my head is all over the place. Things at home haven't been great, and the Mrs walked out after a row about some panties she'd found which weren't hers, and thought I was having an affair (they were mine :penitent: ). I love the heels but I think I want more than that in my wardrobe.

 

I am not sure where I go from here, I filled out a CV and applied for some Admin work. I might look into the TS/TG forums to consider my next move. Scrappycoco who used to post here has a tumblr page which really made me think about genderfluid fashion.

 

Thanks guys, it's been good, but I think I'm moving on.

 

Kilty (aka Keisha) :pulsingheart: 

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I know it sucks now, but having been there before myself, every cloud has a silver lining.

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What the HR lady said about 'transitioning' made me think, but my head is all over the place. [...] some panties [...] I love the heels but I think I want more than that in my wardrobe.

 

I am going to be blunt: Think again.

Here's a quotation of someone who transitioned for the wrong reasons and regretted it:

 

"Don't do it! That's my advice. This is the most awful, most expensive, most painful, most disruptive thing you could ever do. Don't do it unless there is no other alternative. You may think your life is tough but unless it's a choice between suicide and a sex-change it will only get worse. And the costs keep coming. You lose control over most aspects of your life, become a second class citizen and all so you can wear women's clothes and feel cuter than you do now. Don't do it is all I've got to say."

Quote from this page

 

You have lost your job because you looked at this site and became too bold. As they say: Your miles may vary.

Don't go to yet another forum site, read through all of the wonderful transitioner's stories and how well everything went, transition and finally discover that it wasn't what you really wanted. You will permanently mutilate your body.

 

You got off easy. You lost your job, but you did nothing permanent to your body. Put the skirt and boots into your closet, pull on a pair of pants, regular men's shoes, no fingernail polish or makeup, and apply for a new job. You will succeed, no question.

Separate job and spare time. Job=men's clothes with no exception, Spare time = whatever you like.

Once you have earned enough money to be able to not-care-anymore, wear whatever you like whereever you like.

 

That's the way it has worked for me so far.

I am not a millionaire, so I keep separating job and spare time.

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Sorry to hear about your job. Hope you have better kick in your next role. Oh, and beware of HR people using the word "transitioning". It's just a word they use for "firing". Helps 'em sleep better at night. Luck not kick... stupid auto correct

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Freestyle75 said it better than I could. Get over it and move on. Men's clothes for the job; anything you want on your own time. If you feel entrepreneurial, start your own company and be the boss. Then you can wear whatever you want as long as it doesn't scare customers away! Good luck!

 

Steve

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What about UK laws against discrimination? I didn't think anyone could be cut loose because chose to wear unconventional clothing. However, it appears your life is unraveling, with your wife and all. And all hinges on your desire to wear "female style" clothing. Perhaps, after you finish thinking things through, you might seek some professional advice before you take any further action. Proper prospective just might be what you need.

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Speak to a lawyer; they should give a free initial consultation.

Have you breached your employment contract by doing something to damge the reputation of the business?

Is there a clause about uniform?

Do you think it is right that an employer can insist on a convention?

Would a woman face the same pressure?

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Interesting point about them offering your role to the temp. That strongly suggests your position wasn't redundant. The company is therefore on very shaky ground unless your performance has been dire or you've done something to damage their reputation. I agree with Mikeheel. Lawyer up.

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Kitty, if you've been working for them for more than 2 years you have definite rights as regards redundancy under UK law. It sounds like they have not done the whole thing correctly and legally in which case it's time to take them to an employment tribunal. Consult the CAB or a lawyer. If you've been with them less than 2 years you have fewer rights. It's not entirely clear whether they are sacking you or making you redundant. Either way, you can ask them to put it in writing with reasons otherwise they are in breach of UK employment law. I am not an expert in this field, you definitely need professional advice.

 

These links may be useful:

 

https://www.gov.uk/redundant-your-rights

https://www.gov.uk/dismissal

https://www.gov.uk/employment-tribunals

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If you were fired, you should have had verbal warnings, then written warnings before being fired. If your job was made redundant, they shouldn't have given the other person that job. It looks like discrimination and as others have said you should see a lawyer.

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There are a few circumstances in the UK where you can be fired immediately but that cannot possibly apply here. There must have been "Gross Misconduct", usually violence towards a colleague, customer or property.

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Maybe contacting the Equality Advisory Support Service would be a good starting point before deciding if you want to pursue any legal action.

Rember that any discrimination on your employer's part makes them worse people, not you, so keep your self-respect and dignity.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck, I hope things work out for the best for you.

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There is probably more to Kilty's story than has been mentioned here and even though, for the most part, sound advice has been proffered by us, he really needs to engage someone that can listen to his version and interview people that fired him, make a knowledgable assessment of the situation and advise him accordingly. That takes care of the work place situation but the gender confusion still remains. That is a whole separate issue and really has a great deal of pressure upon his self esteem and psychological wellness. While both situations seen to be linked, it would appear to me that gender confusion is the more pressing issue since the employment situation can always be sorted after the gender issue can be assessed. My heart goes out to Kilty. Employment difficulties, marriage problems, along with gender identy questions are almost enough to start a man questioning his own sanity. I hope he unravels things soon

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I had been under immense pressure in the job, it was constant targets to meet. Also the Mrs wanted me to be earning more and want a better lifestyle. We live on a rough housing estate and like many, yearn to 'get out of the hood'. I think the interest in heels, then later skirts may have been the final straw for my wife, as it's not what most black guys do, especially where I live. She loved all those silly TV shows like the Kardashians and loved the lifestyle. I said to her, look we have a car, we don't need something flashy that would just get stolen where we live (a Vectra Di 16v does the same thing as a Mercedes or BMW). She had been mixing in higher circles, and been looking down on our life and the people in our area. I said I'm an individual. When she found out I was fired (I called her, sobbing, saying what happened) she said she's never coming back, and called me an 'embarrassment'. She's not saying where she is now. I thought about the Transitioning, I guess it might have been a term used by them to refer to a point when an employee has no further use, and it's time to kick them out. They were considering a Zero Hours contract, I asked them about that on Friday afternoon, called them 6 times, and they said they were irritated by my calls and next time I do they would call the police.

 

 So that's the end of that then. No job or family, all for the sake of heels. Mixing it with work was a bad idea. If it had been a kilt this never would have happened. It seems the kilts were accepted by HR but I went too far with the skirts and heels. Perhaps jeans and heeled boots would have been okay, so this was my doing and my fault.

 

As one poster said these things end in suicide, esp if I had the sex change. I don't know where I will go from here. I don't know if I am genderfluid, I have been reading up on things on Tumblr and identify with that. My insurance should pay out if I set fire to the flat but make it look like an electrical fault, so that will get me better housing elsewhere and out of the hood.

 

I'm sorry if I'm thinking aloud, it's the way everything's happened so quickly. As for seeking legal recourse, I can't as I was on a final warning for gross misconduct (had a fight with someone at a exhibition where our firm had a stand after they criticised the quality of our lighting products. I wasn't skirted or wearing heels then...), my anger issues stem from when I was picked on as a kid and I vowed never to let anyone mess with me in later life, but I can't draw the balance.

 

I wish I could turn back time but I think it's too late.

 

It's nice to hear your kind words but I think the genderfluid life, and perhaps seeing how Scrappy Coco does with his/hers may be the way to go from here.

 

K

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Kitty,

 

Having similar lifetime experiences, although not necessarily in the same order, my recommendation would be to go see your doctor. This may sound very scary but they have heard it all before. It sounds to me that you really need someone to talk to about your feelings and the current status of your life, councelling may provide an answer.

 

It may sound like at scary idea unburdening your most tender and painful thoughts to a stranger. All I can say is go for it. It helped me loads and you never know what other groups of people you may find.

 

It's time for you to take control of your life and maybe ask for a little help in determining your future.

 

Good luck.

 

Ian

 

 

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Hope all goes well for you in the future. I believe the only times you can get instant dismist for is theft or being drunk at work, and possibly trying to poach their customers.

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Hi Kilty

Just want to say sorry for your troubles. I happen to be gender fluid and have found balance in my life so I know it can be done. But it ain't easy.  Please don't give up or move to fast. You might look at http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/index.php%C2'>

I guess you can't give a link so google crossdressing forms and you might learn a few things. GOOD LUCK Ruby John

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Kilty: Sorry for your troubles, I truly am. All I can say is what others already have, lawyer up and go on the attack. If it turns out you've been unfairly dismissed, especially if you've never been previously reprimanded for how you dressed, you might have a case. As for your gender situation, having had no experience at that sort of thing, I can only recommend that you take a step back and reassess everything before you go any further. Take the time to fully think things over before you take what might well be an irrevocable step that may or may not result in even more trouble. Never think that you don't have options, there always are options if you only stop to consider them. Never feel you have to take any sort of drastic step that you might feel sorry for later. Stay strong, my friend.

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Kilty,

 

It sounds like you need to take some time off to re-discover who you are.  When one door closes, another opens.  Stay optimistic, stay positive, and stay strong.  You have to do what is best for you.  No shoe or piece of clothing is ever worth losing your wife or your job over.  But if you think you may be transgendered, and are considering to make the transition, that is a whole other ballgame.  Listen to BOTH your heart and your mind, but talk to someone, too - a best friend, a close family member, whoever you can trust and can maintain an open-mind.  Good luck to you...  

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Deeply depressed. Dangerous. Time for professional help, seriously, before it gets worse. See a professional soon.

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Bubba is exactly right. Go find a counselor and lay out the entire story with all the details. Counselors can help you turn your life around and find that "open door" alluded to above. You can be successful, but you need help. It is not a sign of weakness that you need help; it's a sign of strength is having the courage to get it!

 

Good luck,

 

Steve

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I hope everything works out for you, kilty.

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I had been under immense pressure in the job, it was constant targets to meet. Also the Mrs wanted me to be earning more and want a better lifestyle. We live on a rough housing estate and like many, yearn to 'get out of the hood'.

 

I think the interest in heels, then later skirts may have been the final straw for my wife.

 

 

What about the interest in heels came precisely from all that pressure both from your wife and job?

Everybody needs a pressure relief device, don't they?

 

I once met a guy at a business conference, he was from another company, but anyway, had these words: when things don't go as planned, don't take all the blame on yourself too quickly. There are too many interdepencies.

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I saw a coffee cup once with wording that read, "When the going gets tough...the tough go shopping!"

 

That's my motto ever since. Shoe shopping, of course.

 

:D

 

Steve

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Thanks for the kind words. This has been so tough for me, I have nowhere to go. I went to my sister and told her everything, she said she had an idea for a while about the heels and clothing, so it felt good to come out. I went to the doctor and have started hormones, and am living full time as a woman. I know it is irreversible but I had been living a lie as a man, I tried everything to fit in with stereotypes (aside from the flash cars)... The wife wasted no time in replacing me, and when I went to the house, there was a BMW 3 Series parked in the drive... I think its a former work colleague. I wore some Aldo heels and a simple shift dress (not enough makeup though) and when I rang the door bell he opened it and took one look at me and burst out laughing. I never felt so humiliated. I fled, sobbing ( l have been so weepy since I started the treatment but I hear it's normal, on the plus size, I see some changes to my body. Girls in my family have quite ample busts and I am already approaching a B cup but that's not a conversation for here). I am going to move abroad and start a new life in Switzerland, near Zurich. I have met a great guy online and he seems so understanding, I am still taking it one step at a time, but this is my life now as a confident woman. Thanks for all your kindness, I may still drop in on the forum now and then. Heels have opened up a new way of life for me ♥♥♥ Take care, Keisha♡

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Hi Keisha

Seems like your moving ahead, Oh so FAST. See Ya!  Ruby

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