Heels And Explaining To Parents

[Curt]

Have many of you had a hard time telling your parents about your clothing choices.? I had for a long time. My parents thought I was just weird. I told my mom that I wanted to be a designer and dress in a certain way for the last 25 years, but was too ashamed that my parents would hate me. I was so wrong. My mom said, if we knew that fashion was what you wanted to do with your life, we would have sent you to the proper school to follow your dreams. So I guess if you are just honest and true to yourself, then everything would work out okay. Too bad I wasted 25 years trying to live a life ii thought everybody expected me to be. Now I show them some of the things I'm designing, they are impressed, and my mom is asking me for fashion ideas and where to shop for certain things.

[Histiletto]

It seems that our own fears are the best social controllers society has to keep us from making male high heeling common every day public activities. If it was causing pain and injury to others, then I could see some reasoning for our fears. Since men in heels is actually being discussed and viewed in fashion circles and on runways, if we need an excuse to wear heels, we could say we heard about men wearing heels and we got curious to find out what it is like to walk in heels publicly. If you are use to heels around 4 inches tall, then I would suggest that you don't go any higher for a while, until you have more familiarity with public walking in heels. It takes a bit more stamina to walk great distances, than it does to wear them around the house area. Also, be prepared to replace some heel tips, especially if you're wearing stilettos and/or spikes.

[yoyo]

For me, i never tell to my parents my love for wearing hells. They surprised me when i was wearing old pair of boots, and they was furious. they tell me "its not a normal thing" or somesing like that. it happened there over 10 years now. And since all this time, my parent know i have and buy women shoes, but they dont inderstand what. i dont talk about, because i know they wont like this. So, now, i am outing most of the time in heels, and never see since all this time any family or friend suprise me i am in heels (or they dont see what i was wearing in other case)

[Shafted]

For me, i never tell to my parents my love for wearing hells. They surprised me when i was wearing old pair of boots, and they was furious. they tell me "its not a normal thing" or somesing like that. it happened there over 10 years now. And since all this time, my parent know i have and buy women shoes, but they dont inderstand what. i dont talk about, because i know they wont like this.

So, now, i am outing most of the time in heels, and never see since all this time any family or friend suprise me i am in heels (or they dont see what i was wearing in other case)

Sounds pretty much like my parents.

[jim102]

Parents and their sisters,brothers,grandma are the worst people to tell them you like heels. They do not figure out yourself wearing heels. So if you tell to your dad, it would be not very funny but if you tell it to your mother maybe she would understand but both parents will tell that to their people.

[hhboots]

I never did tell my dad (he has since passed)... as for my mom, she has pretty much always known, as I know she found some of my 'private belongings' back when I was a teen. She never really spoke of it, but has hinted that she knows whats up. Still many years later, I never have spoke directly to her about it. It is really tough to open up about it to people you are close to. The only ones really close to me that I have talked to about it are my wife and more recently my sister as well. Telling my sister was interesting and I was pretty much drunk (same state of mind when I told my wife, too), but my sister was pretty cool about it. I still prefer to keep it relatively secret though, I just don't feel like making it well known to everyone I know. Even though I have been public heeling for over 5 years, I am still careful and stealthy about it, and avoid doing it in areas that I know I will see people I know. I guess that will never change at this point?

[Alexis Hill]

I asked my mother a few years after she found out my crossdressing if it would bother her if I wore heels around her. She told please don't. It kinda of hurt but I did have my answer. I personally find the unknown more frightening then rejection.

[hh4evr1]

My parents used to tell me not to wear girls shoes when I was caught aged 11. They still don't like it that I wear heels. I still wear them as I feel people should be able to wear what they like. There are worse things I could do.

[jetheelsfan]

I had found I could wear my grandmother's quarter-strap open toe sandals a few weeks earlier and was caught by my Mom trying to get my foot into a red moc-toe heeled oxford. I was told how that was so wrong and to never do that again. As far as I know, she never found out I disobeyed her many, many times. Not long after I had "discovered" wearing heels was fun, I was doing some drywall work in my parents basement at where I was still calling home. I was enjoying the time and it got later than I had expected and I looked over to see Dad standing there. I had on a white pair of lace-up oxfords with 1/2 platform and 3 1/2 inch block heels. To this day, I do not know if he looked down or not - I do not believe he did as he would have been very vocal. I moved to a place that would better block the line of site and kept working. I have wondered though. I never told them of my adventures as I do not think approval was to be found by doing so.

[mlroseplant]

I guess I'm lucky to have understanding parents. Then again, I started my heeling when I was in my early forties, and well out of the house. I also gradually moved from wearing "normal" chef-type clogs to clogs with a bit of a higher heel, to clogs with a truly high heel, and then on to other types of heels over the course of several years, so they had plenty of time to get used to it.

[SleekHeels]

My parents know but they disapprove. They only found out when I was an adult but, judging from their reaction, if they'd found out when I was a child they'd have packed me off to some military camp and blasted me with masculinity (which let's face it would most likely have had the opposite effect). On the couple of occasions we have talked about it I've spoken openly and tried to be sympathetic that it's not easy for them to accept it, and I'll continue to do so, but they seem pretty much entrenched in their mindset and it upsets them so we tend not to bring up the subject. I've made it pretty clear that it was futile and destructive trying to "exorcise" it from my life all those years ago and I've moved on from that way of thinking.

[AZShoeNut]

So, about telling my parents, it is a fairly long story. The first time I told either of my parents about my thing for heels was when I was about 14 or 15 years old. At that time there was no internet and I was already wearing women’s size 12 shoes. This was during the early 90’s when the great really high heel pumps of the late 80’s were starting to become less and less common. The only shoes I could find were fairly ugly mid and low heel shoes at Payless. For whatever reason Frederick’s started sending catalogs to our home. I really craved a pair of 5-inch pumps and I could not find them anywhere until that catalog hit our mailbox. In the catalog there was an awesome pair of 5-inch black patent pumps available in size 12. At that age I didn’t have a credit card and the only way I could get those shoes was if I were to ask my Mom to order them. It took several weeks if not, if not months, to gather up the courage to ask her to buy them but I finally did. I cannot even remember how the conversation went but she wound up buying them for me. Now my dumb a$$ should have realized that this was an open door to being open about this with my mom but being too scared I didn’t bring the subject back up after the shoes arrived and kept things pretty private. Ultimately I wound up getting rid of the shoes because they just didn’t fit right at all. Another time shortly after that I had an opportunity to go to a costume party. I was a sophomore in high school so I must have been 15 years old. I engaged my mom again to help me go dressed as a girl. She did get involved however unfortunately again the best I could find for shoes were only about 2-1/2 inch black suede pumps. I still have them 23 years later. I did take advantage of the upcoming costume party to wear the heels around the house even when my mom was home. I think my Dad was out of the country at the time so he was still in the dark about my heels. I also showed my “stuff” to my friends and I think that I even have a picture around somewhere of each of them trying on the heels and the dress. Then the party got canceled and I stashed the heels only to wear them in private. I know, as I look back on it I really feel stupid about not being more open around my mom with my heels. I should have been wearing them all of the time. But if I really consider how I felt back then it wasn’t so much stupid as it was scarred. The subject came up here and there with my mom but never all out in the open. Then fast forward several years until I was in my early thirties. I was involved with several years of classes that involve really digging deep into ourselves and working out and healing our emotional baggage. During some of the later classes I really became aware of how much I can be like “damaged goods”. This kind of personality trait usually stems from “bad” things that happen in our early childhood that a lot of times we do not remember. I was working from home and I wound up have a very personal phone conversation with my parents (both of them) over the phone. They were very supportive and open as I really tried to find out from them what may have happened in my early childhood that could lead to this. Ultimately during this conversation I brought up the heels. This time with both of my parents on the phone and they were both very supportive. I discussed High Heel Place and my intent to eventually wear my heels out and about. Though still supportive they were certainly cautious about me wearing them out and about. They even offered that if I wanted to I could wear them whenever I went to their home. Fast forward a couple more years my mom would come over to help me watch my infant son a couple days a week so that I could get some work from home done. I had found out that a pair of wedges that I wanted from Payless were available at a store down the street from me so when my Mom arrived I ducked out to go get them. I had just been wearing my heels out for a few weeks at that time so we talked about what that was like. By the end of the conversation she had seen all of my heels and remarked that it was funny how things had turned. When I was a teenager I envied the shoes that she could freely wear and that now, with arthritic feet, she envied the shoes that I could freely wear. She mentioned that she had wished that I had been more open about it in my younger years and that she would have been supportive. So, of opportunities lost, in my youth I could have had and worn some great shoes if had only been courageous enough to be open about it. My mom is currently my biggest supporter. I still keep it on the down low with my dad. A couple times I have brushed the subject ever so slightly and I can see that he is a bit uncomfortable about it but if pushed he would gather strength to be supportive. Rather than push I just stay on the down low there. So, that is my story about my parents and my heels. Best, Larry

[Steve63130]

Great story, Larry. Don't you wish sometimes that you could rewind the tape and play it over a different way? We learn too late in life about things that we could have done differently, if only we'd had the courage to say or do things right the first time. Steve

[AZShoeNut]

Great story, Larry. Don't you wish sometimes that you could rewind the tape and play it over a different way? We learn too late in life about things that we could have done differently, if only we'd had the courage to say or do things right the first time.

Steve

Thanks, Steve.

Yes, I find myself wishing that in so many ways.

The real trick, however, is to figure out what is going on in the now that I will be wishing similarly about in the future and trying to make it so that I don't have to be wishing in the future.

Best,

Larry

[bluejay]

Thanks for your post Larry. I really enjoyed reading it. Happy Heeling, bluejay

[AZShoeNut]

Thanks for your post Larry. I really enjoyed reading it.

Happy Heeling,

bluejay

Thank you Bluejay :-)

[Logjam]

AZshoenut, I appreciate your story, and I'm a little jealous of your success! Regards, Logjam

[w6ish]

Larry: I enjoyed your story and it sounds so much like mine own!

[Mechanic]

Great story. Thanks for sharing.

[AZShoeNut]

Hey guys, thanks. I hardly have any time to post anymore so I'm glad that this was appreciated. Logjam, I never really thought of my experience as successful so thank for pointing that out. It has always been a work in progress. W6ish, I would like to hear about how our stories are similar if you wouldn't mind sharing. Best, Larry

[ChipsHH]

Quite the story, AZ. As I'm away from college due to financial means, I might consider those said classes you took when I'm back to attending. It might help me break the shell a bit more with my mom. She's totally against me in heels, though sometimes insist on bringing it up at awkward & random times. I know that I should just stand my ground & defend what I like the most, but it's pretty hard when you're against the one that brought you into the world.

[Steve63130]

HHDude, I understand your dilemma. My advice would be to arrange a time for you and your mother to sit down and discuss the issue as two rational mature people. Lay all your cards out on the table and be totally honest. Tell her what you love about heels and why you love them. Disclose all about your collection. Tell her about his forum and that there are many others like you out there. Ask lots of questions about why she is so against you wearing heels - is it for your safety? For her reputation? Is she afraid you're gay? What bothers her? Learn more, find out what makes her tick, and explain to her that you're distressed because you love her and don't want to hurt her, yet you love heels, too, and it's part of your being, which won't change. Perhaps by communicating in a rational way, you and she can come to terms and compromise. Who knows, it might even end up that she would take you shoe shopping and give you advice. What better way to bond? Good luck! Steve

[Curt]

My parents have no problem with the heels. They don't like them, but they realise I'm happy wearing them. Makeup and really tight clothes are a different ball of wax. My brothers girlfriend asked me if I liked the new mascara I picked up. Obviously, my mom overheard! She freaked out. My dad is different, he will let me live my life anyway I like, as long as I'm happy. He make light of the siituation. He walked out in the living room with my moms wig on. Too funny. We were laughing. My mom asked me if a was gay. I said no, because I'm not. But I missed a perfect opportunity to tell her I'm TG, and am trapped in the wrong body. But I couldn't put her through all that stress. Everybody else knows except my parents. I would rather her not know, she would not understand. My dad would be supportive. Buut wearing heels is fine, and they know I have some girls clothes, but don't know how much. They would freak iif they saw my heel collection, and of course my make-up and womens coat collection. Its all so harmless anyway. I started wearing womens clothes, because I can get smaller sizes that fit me perfectly. Then I really started to like various things females wear. All you guys can understand that. Mens clothes are boring, and do nothing to make your body look sexy! So in essence, I do it for fashion, just like everybody else here.

[Gudulitooo]

Pumpcat, There is always the same question : as you state, female clothes do help to make your body sexy, ok. So you want some people to look at your body and find it sexy, which litterally means want to have sex with your body. Which ones do you prefer to feel like this ? Males or females ? Just trollin'

[Curt]

Just sexy in general. Do women dress sexy just to attract men. Not entirely. They dress sexy just to dress sexy. Same with me. If you don't want to dress sexy, then you wouldn't wear heels. Are you wearing heels for the whole purpose to pick up women? Think about that. It doesn't matter who I would be attracted to anyway. If wanted everybody to knoiw if I'm gay, or straight I would have done so.

[radiodave]

I'd be very reluctant to tell my family. They probably have their suspicions; when I was a teenager I bought some women's canvas flats, and my mom asked why I was wearing girls' shoes. I've had flat sandals that came from the other side of the store, and my little sister once asked if she could borrow them. I think she suspected they were really women's sandals, but never said anything about them and I got them back. One Halloween when I was about 10 I tried on my older sister's wedge sandals, and got an "ick" reply, but she would have been about 17 at the time. My fear is if I spill the beans, they will get the idea that "Oh, so that's the real reason why your marriage failed". Um, no, my ex knew about them soon after we started dating, and she had no problem with me wearing them. I don't think I'd be able to fully convince them that it wasn't an issue for her. My other fear is it will be a big disappointment to them. Much as I'd like to tell them, I feel like I shouldn't tell them. When they visit, I just have to hide the shoes.

[jim102]

If anyone else have something to tell about his experience? My anxiety of wearing heels dropped of 50% but it still the last 50% for the family. I think the best way is to be honest and to not defend the love of heels or it is not girls shoes but mine as i heard about in that website. They might  not like at most parents but telling them it is your choice you wear what you want and just tell them the truth. They cant allow you to do that! If they laugh as I expect for me in the future do not pay attention to them or get too seriously their comments. They tell you their opinion you do not care! They do not decide for yourself! This is not talkable it is a personal choice!

[ilikekicks]

If anyone else have something to tell about his experience? 

 

Making this brief/simple.

 

I was married to a ' high maintenance ' girl. She had QUITE the wardrobe. She took a job as a flight attendant, flew around , screwed around, caught an addiction to Heroine.. things didnt work out.

 

I was left with a LOT of items for eBay. Sold stuff for months ( actually over a year ). 

 

I needed a clean pair of sneakers for a casual meeting with some friends. I didnt have any. Went into the old wenches stuff and there were 4 or 5 pairs of all white, new in the box sneakers that fit quite well.

 

Noticed they were VERY comfortable and fit better then my own stuff. Went on through the collection and decided to keep what I didnt sell.

 

Nobody I know really gave a shit what I wore. Be it on my feel, top, bottom.. doesnt matter.

[jim102]

Parents espcially the father is narrow-minded. Parents are the worst thing you can have! No negociation or no deal can be applied. Noone can understand better than yourself. I love court shoes and will never dislike that and like to walk with that!

 

My favorites. Made people scary concerning girlfriends I say it works or not. Do not care to stay alone

[AZShoeNut]

Say, Jim, I am just curious as to how old you are. If you are old enough to go about things on your own then the parents opinion will weigh less and less. Also, on the girlfriend topic, If you are yourself and confident about your thing for heels then the girlfriend will work itself out. Talk to ladies, ask them about what they dig and listen to what they have to say about what they dig, and have a sense of humor - make them laugh. Eventually you'll find the one who is cool with your heels and it will work. You're a bold guy that can make life happen in a way that you enjoy. In light of your current situation just keep moving forward. This is your life. Spend in a way that brings you the most joy. Best, Larry