Would like some general advice

[jarod81]

Hi everyone, I’ve been pretty quite on this forum occasionally adding post but mostly just enjoying and reading about everyone’s adventures. Since being here and along with my career, has given me so much more confidence that I ever thought I would have. I work as a paramedic here in Australia I realized from my job that life truly is a gift and it can be taken away from us ever so quickly. I no longer want to be afraid and not enjoy life so I decided that in February last year decided that enough was enough and that I would begin to tell my family and friends about my love of wearing heels and women’s attire as it is so much more comfortable and I feel more comfortable in them and that I had been feeling this way since I was about 12 years old. I have never really been comfortable wearing traditional male clothing and since I have been wearing women’s clothing at home for the past several years and out in public more recently (thanks to here) I have felt so comfortable and confident in myself. I’m only 58kg and 175cm tall so I’m quite a small guy. My family have accepted it really well and are very supportive . The few friends that I have told have also been very supportive with the majority being female. What surprises me a lot is how supportive and understanding they all have been with them all loving what I wear and telling me I have great fashion sense and taste. Unfortunately there is a darker side to all this and my fiancée is well….. Not accepting of it all and is forever telling me that she doesn’t like it, and will never accept it and never wants to see me wearing it. At this point in time I’m a little lost and confused . She forever tells me that she loves me but will not accept me for me, yet there are things she does or like that I still accept her for her. She knew about my heel and clothes before w e got engaged, and before we built a home together . Am I being selfish for wanting my fiancée to accept my clothing choices? Have any of you guys had similar experience as myself?

[maninpumps]

Here is the real thing you need to ask yourself . Can she ever see this my way or will she try to change me? You are the only person who can answer that question. I wish you the best of luck with whatever you choose. Please let us know how it works out.

[pata]

*accepting* does not mean forcing one to change ones mind. first step is beeing honest about a crucial point, you were. the second is: in a partnership other things count, not high heels. the third is: those who like heels (it does not depend on gender) always will and this does not change. so do not make the mistake to refuse, to deny this part of yours because of her, it would not function well for long (reversed as well, though we can get used to nearly anything- if you force her to share your feminine side while she does not like it, it can destroy a lot- also love and trust). so the actual point only will be to find compromises. and this is where both have to be willing to find a solution. also, it is always a steady work and development. so the start might also be: YOU accept she does not like. (and yes, she has been honest to you too, she is right: most likely her not liking you in women´s clothes won´t ever change). you don´t want her telling you she likes things she don´t, do you? so what about letting this be a part of you you do not share with her? one does not have to share EVERYTHING in a partnership. Of course it would be fair now from your fiancee to accept you will most likely share this with other people - nowadays it is easier than it was before, how lucky we are!- respectively to find ways how this will be ok for your both. Once again it won´t be a smooth way but actually finding compromises in crucial differences never are. So you both can train before you marry .

[scrappycoco]

Ok well let me first start bu saying this. I am also a EMT on my way to becoming a medic myself. I too can truly understand how hard it was for you to let the people around you know about who you truly are. If you look back through some of my post you can kind of get the idea of what I went through. I won't talk about it here because I do not want to hyjack your post. Anyway here are my thought's. My wife is like you soon to be wife she does not like nor does she accept the fact that I like to wear heels and stuff from across the isle. It has taken me a very long time to get to the comfort level that I am at know where I can talk to people about how I dress without feeling akward. I have spent many of hours on the net reading thing's. Spent lost of hours talking with a tharipist trying to understand why I think the way I do. I too am like you in the fact that I have always like the way heels, skirts and what not looked. I as a young boy could care less about the fact that they where suppose to be for girls. Growing up in my area and time if you thought about it you where made fun of and got your backside beat by your parents. Fast forward to today. One of the hardest thing I have had to do is figure out how to be me and still be able to do my job! You know from being a medic it is really hard being in the public eye. You go place's and people are like hay I know you, you where in the paper the other day on this call or that. So when you dress the way I do and someone see's you one day wearing heels and then the next time you may run on them and they say hay I just seen you the other day wern't you wearing heels? It get's kind of akward. I guess the best thing I can tell you is this. As far as you S.O. goes it may have to be something that you have to agree to dissagree on if that makes sense? My wife does not like how I dress my girls don't mind one bit as long as I keep it with in reason. So what I have done is when I go somewhere with my wife and I want to wear heels I wear some that are low key! They are still heel's but they don't stand out as much. When I am by myself or with my girls I wear what I want. As far as work goes obviously you wont wear them at work. I have developed them mind set like this. Women come into my carrer field and are able to dress how they want away from work, gay's work in this field and no one say's a word, so why should it be any different for me because I like to wear heels? I guess the way I handle the work place and the people that I treat is this i they know me and they ask me about it then I tell them the truth I don't lie about it! If they don't ask or don't talk to me about it I just don't talk about it! There are for the most part a lot of people that I work with that know's. Do I wear heel's into off duty activites? Not for the most part unless the people that are there don't mind then I would. Then as far as the genral public I look at it like this! I dress how I want I wear for the most part women's pants and heels quite often. I go into the store's and try on my shoes that I want to by. If a sales person ask's me what I am looking for I tell them. I have found out that if you lie then it make's things worse for you! You are going to run into the someone that does not like it and there is nothing you can do or say to change there mind. So I think of thing's this way I can not control what other people think or say about me the only thing I can control is my self! I hope that I have helped you out some! If you ever feel like talking in private feel free to drop me a line. Because I can say I honeslty know what you are going through from both sides of the coin!

[Dr. Shoe]

Speaking as a full time girl, I have found that the only way to get to live your life the way you want to is to make a clean break. I was lucky i that I found somewhere to live and already had a new job lined up. If your partner won't come with you then you may need to consider going it alone. I have to say that in spite of loving my wife very much, it is like a huge cloud has been lifted.

[Histiletto]

As long as society teaches us to be sexist and they continue to use the ill-conceived gender standards, people won't be able to understand why men and women have desires for the same things. Both want to have a mate that looks so good that they fall in love all over again just from the very thought and/or essence of their existence. Our social up-bringing is telling us what these requirements are or what we need to expect for such attractiveness. In seeing beauty, this approach often leaves out everything except the visual. Selling the idea that men and women had nothing in common might have been more justisfied had they never shared wearing items or styles of adornment. From the Middle Ages up until the latter 1800's, boys and girls of the financially well-to-do were known to wear dresses and Mary Jane shoes for social occasions. The men of the French aristocracy and the Englishmen of nobility in the 1700's, were the ones wearing the decorated hats, the ruffled shirts, the appliqued suits with matching breeches, the cotton tights, and the high heels to signify their financial or social status. If women wore heels, they were usually covered by the fashionable floor length gowns. There are many, many more examples of clothing, footwear, hair styling, and jewelry items crossing back and forth across the socially created gender gap throughout the ages. These transitions didn't happen with out their social objections or those standing up for their rights to choose. Even today, the fashion gurus introduce seasonal looks that may find some approval or be totally shot down. Some of the traditional haute culture fashions are just as good today as when they were created, because they had the basics of the beauty people want to see in apparel. It's too bad that the fashion minded can't remember and include the looks of the Middle Ages. The idea of men wearing high heels wouldn't be as sexist as it has become. I hope this will help your mind-set in better understanding how we got here.

[wood&metal]

I'd seriously sit down and get to the root of exactly what bothers her about it... Is it the heels and clothes themselves, or is it her fear of being talked about or laughed at for being with the guy who wears different clothes than everyone else... a.k.a., the "socially accepted, "normal", and peer-pressure" bull$#!t...(pardon my french)..

[roniheels]

I think I would agree with the advice wood&metal gave you. Sit down with her and ask her exactly what it is that bothers her about your fashion choices. But you need to make the final decision. If she absolutely will not accept you wearing high heels and feminine attire, then you need to decide if you want to change your life and attitudes to accommodate her perceptions of you. I don't know how strongly you feel or how much you enjoy wearing high heels and feminine attire, but if you are going to give up these things for this women, then be unhappy for the rest of your life, is it really worth it? Take it from one who learned the hard way. Be totally honest and upfront with her about everything. You might not like the final outcome. But that outcome could be less painful in the future if you are deceptive with her and especially yourself.

[JNR]

You have managed to ask the million dollar question. It's already been asked a couple of thousands times on this forum. Just search back through the archives and see how many times members have answered it. And, the specific advice that has been offered. Most of the answers to your problem that are posted in this tread, are way too complicated. Simple answer. You like to crossdress and wear high heels. Your prospective life mate. even though she is aware of your desire, doesn't/can't accept it. You can't stop and she wouldn't ever be able to change you. So, unless you can convince her to accept you with your shortcomings -- it is time to dissolve this relationship. Especially before you have children and they get caught in the middle of what could be a really messy situation not of their making. If you still insist upon getting married, your marriage is doomed to unravel at some point. Your heel wearing, crossdressing will be a constant source of irritation. So, the most honest answer to your dilemma is find someone else that can accept you with all of your desires to wear women's attire. Save yourself a whole lot of grief before it's way too late.

[hhboots]

I partially agree with JNR, even though he's essentially saying choose your love of shoes over your fiance. But, I understand why he says this, because I think many of the guys coming to this forum would have a really REALLY hard time giving it up (myself included). But I also agree with Wood&Metal's reply, you really need to sit down and talk with her and let it all out. She needs to know how you feel and you need to understand how she feels, perhaps you can come to a common ground. I have two kids and have come to an understanding with my family that heeling has a time and place. When I am out with my whole family, I usually take things down a few notches, if we are going to see people they might know, I probably will not heel, otherwise if I do decide to heel with them around me, I make sure it is not obvious to the casual observer. I don't ever want to put my kids in a situation where they are embarassed or forced to defend their dad to their friends. When just me and my wife go out, I usually will heel, but I take her feelings into consideration first and make sure she is ok with it. I try not to take it too far. I avoid wearing shoes and outfits that scream out "hey check out what I have on today". When I go out alone, this is where I usually push things further and try to get it out of my system so to speak . So, I really do my best to put my family first, but still do what I can to integrate this part of my life because lets face it, this part of me will probably will never go away. Well, good luck with it, hopefully you two can work it out, and if she is important enough to you, you will have to try, if not, keep searching, you will find someone more understanding in the long run if this one does not work out.

[geo]

yes, I got married and for 13 years she accepted my boots that I wore. She has been sick and she ordered me to get rid of them. This is a short storied version of it.

[yozz]

Reading this all, I am still missing a few points. Plus that I have comments on the comments. Like: in a good relationship you do not order people to do things. My wife would never consider to order me to do something and neither would I with her. I got the feeling from your o.p. that your girlfriend knew already rather early about your preferences but probably thought that either you would grow out of it, or she would be able to change you. This is not uncommon. Problem is, that your habit will never go away for longer than a given period. If you try to abandon it, you will grow exceedingly restless and nervous and after a while you will break down, after which you will feel better again for a while. This you can read in many places. A good book is: My husband wears my clothes" which you can find in Amazon.com. It is more likely that, with the proper approach you can come to an understanding with your girlfriend that there is a time for your hobby and there are other times that it is completely out of line. The important thing is that she realizes that it is part of you and it is not something that you can switch off, just to please here. That it is not that you do not love her. The statement "if you really love me, you give it up" is an impossibility. This she has to realize. You on the other hand have to accept that it is not pleasant to her, so you should keep it all in good taste and confront her with it as little as possible. If she cannot accept this all as a compromise, you have a real problem. In that case you will have to consider what is more important: your mental health or your relation. Maybe time to see a therapist and get some advice there. (provided you find a good one). Y.

[scrappycoco]

In that case you will have to consider what is more important: your mental health or your relation. Maybe time to see a therapist and get some advice there. (provided you find a good one).

Y.

I can agree with you on this as far a seeing a therapist. I have been seeing one for awhile now and can not tell you how much she has helped me as far as understanding this side of me. I am now at a point where i look at heels as just a shoe. It wont be until us men push the envelope and say look just because we where heels and other item's of a softer nature does that make me any less of a man. Just like women have said just because I don't wear makeup, dress's, or do all the girly stuff does not make me any less of a women! The sad reality of today is this! Men in general are put on the back burner when it comes to every thing. When I say this I am talking about mens health, clothing, and the list goes on and on. When was the last time you seen anybody do a charity event to help find a cure for prostate cancer? Yet it is proven that prostate cancer kills just as many men and breast cancer does women! The only difference is once you find out you have prostate cancer you might as well start picking out your grave! I know I am kind of ranting here but I read where so many guys say I want to wear this or that, I want to do this or that, but they don't! They sit in there house and live in fear and ridicule because someone might see them. It wont be until we men start doing what we want and taking back are freedom to be an indavidual and showing the world that we can still look and dress a certain way will we ever get to an even playing field. I am sorry for high jacking your thread just had to vent for a min. The best thing I would tell you would be to sit with your girl and talk to her about it to see why it bother's her so much. Try to come up with some sort of compromise and hope for the best. Would I leave her because she doesn't like the way I dress that is not for us to choice only you can do that. I have been able for the most part work out a little bit of a compromise with my wife when it comes to wearing heels and for the most part it works ok. Like I have said many of time's if you want to talk to someone that is in the same spot as you and is going through the same thing drop me a line. Once again sorry for some what hijacking your thread!

[SleekHeels]

I think the flip side to "what bothers her about it" is what qualities does she love you for? At a guess maybe you're a good medic because you care about peoples well-being and perhaps your fashion choice is an expressive outlet for that because caring doesn't fit the male stereotype (like I say, just a guess/example). What I'm trying to say is that if she can see your fashion preferences as an integral part of a package with all the stuff she loves about you, she can be in a better position to decide about if she's able to accept it or not, as opposed to just seeing it as an isolated feature and a bunch of pre-conceptions about it that she hopes can be purged out of you.

For some of us maybe that's been a part of finding self-acceptance within ourselves, and usually that takes years of soul-searching so it's pretty hard to expect a partner to make that journey in a much shorter space of time.

[mtnsofheels]

Hi Jarod81, Tough situation, but along with the many other comments which I agree with all, the end result is what you want and what she is not willing to flex on. Where do you want to be in your life, living to the fullest which you are and which is important. One thing for sure is, as JNR has stated, once you have started on this road , heeling and cross dressing you will always have that desire you can not change it I don't think. I too have struggled with myself, desires similar to yours, I can not give it up nor do I want to since it is me and I have finally accepted it. To accept yourself as you have done and continue to do so, it is so much more difficult to reverse that versus finding some one who will accept you for you. We only have chance at life and you are doing what you want to do and probably having much fun with it, just be you and enjoy! Regards, Mtnsofheels

[pussyinboots]

Hi everyone,

I’ve been pretty quite on this forum occasionally adding post but mostly just enjoying and reading about everyone’s adventures. Since being here and along with my career, has given me so much more confidence that I ever thought I would have. I work as a paramedic here in Australia I realized from my job that life truly is a gift and it can be taken away from us ever so quickly. I no longer want to be afraid and not enjoy life so I decided that in February last year decided that enough was enough and that I would begin to tell my family and friends about my love of wearing heels and women’s attire as it is so much more comfortable and I feel more comfortable in them and that I had been feeling this way since I was about 12 years old. I have never really been comfortable wearing traditional male clothing and since I have been wearing women’s clothing at home for the past several years and out in public more recently (thanks to here) I have felt so comfortable and confident in myself. I’m only 58kg and 175cm tall so I’m quite a small guy. My family have accepted it really well and are very supportive . The few friends that I have told have also been very supportive with the majority being female. What surprises me a lot is how supportive and understanding they all have been with them all loving what I wear and telling me I have great fashion sense and taste. Unfortunately there is a darker side to all this and my fiancée is well….. Not accepting of it all and is forever telling me that she doesn’t like it, and will never accept it and never wants to see me wearing it. At this point in time I’m a little lost and confused . She forever tells me that she loves me but will not accept me for me, yet there are things she does or like that I still accept her for her. She knew about my heel and clothes before w e got engaged, and before we built a home together . Am I being selfish for wanting my fiancée to accept my clothing choices? Have any of you guys had similar experience as myself?

Hello 'Jarod'.....I've been reading this Thread with great interest as a wife...so I thought I would add my two penneth.

First off I'm really sorry that your relationship has come up against this problem - although it's inevitable that it would. I would also say that there is a problem in the fact that you have become engaged - despite knowing how your fiancee has felt all along.

Essentially, I believe that a lot of her objections to this stem from a fear of the unknown. I'm pretty sure that she objects to it, because she simply doesn't understand why a 'macho' man like yourself (being a medic and all) would want to do an 'effeminite' thing like wearing women's clothing and high heels. I don't know how open-minded she actually is, obviously - but she may even wonder of you're going to 'come out' as gay. She needs to understand that this is simply a way of you expressing your sensitive and artistic side. Believe it or not - 95% of crossdressers are hetrosexual males in full-time partnerships with females, or marriages.

I would also hazard a guess that she feels very threatened by this as well. She may well perceive that her own sexuality and attractiveness to you, is being challenged by your indulgence as a 'woman'. She probably (quite wrongly) feels that she is not enough of a woman for you.

Finally of course, as any slightly niaive woman would be (I say that it the kindest possible way), she is no doubt absolutely scared to death of the public ridicule that she (and you) might face if you stepped out with her as her 'sister'......("What on EARTH will our friends and neighbours think..let alone the people at work..?!?!).

Before you talk to her - you have to be absolutely certain in your own mind, of how this crossdressing sits in your own life...like...is it going to grow...or diminish..?

Once you're straight in your own mind on this, then in my view, there are two essential points that you both need to be clear on:

1) You - need to know the precise nature of her objections to your heel wearing - and the aspects of your character that she loves (which she obviously does).

2) She - needs to understand your reasons for wearing heels - and that this is something that will not go away - no matter how much she wants to change it. She also needs to understand that this crossdressing is not a threat to her own position in your relationship.

Once you both have a clear idea and understanding of each other's standpoints, hopefully you can then move forward in an amicable and mature manner.....whatever the outcome may be. You both need to be prepared to compromise of course, however this should be based on mutual understanding - not emotional 'deals' being done. This is as big a test of true love as you're likely to get - and I'm sure that if you approach it sensibly then you will, at least, both understand more about each other. Perhaps seeing a Counsellor together may help - depending on your fiancee's feelings about it of course.

I hope and pray that you can both come together and find a solution.....although you must be prepared to accept the possibility, that ultimately, you two are just not suited for each other

[jarod81]

Wow! Thank you all for your good advice and am sorry it has taken me a while to reply. As stated in the post I do work as a medic and well the community has needed me alot in the past week. I would like to say quickly I have to disagree (in my head) with what I do as crossdressing. I would more call it being me, or free style or my favourite, clothes that fit me dressing. I have no intention of wanting to be or look like a girl, mind you there has been time where patients think I look like a girl until I speak. Yes I wear clothing aimed and the opposite sex and like make up but I would go as far to say that it is crossdressing. You all have valid points and I do understand that there needs to be alot of talking to be done. Once again pussyinboots your wisedom has been help. Only wish there were more higher beings like yourself, and am very aware that there is a possibility that we may not be suited together but this is the wonders of life sometimes can take a while to find these things out. However you never know whats around the corner. Yozz you would be correct in saying that my partner was aware before we got engaged and moved in to a house together unfortunately I never got the time ti tell her the way I wanted too. She kinda found it all one night. However I have to disagree about the need for therapy, I know I'm a little messed up in the head as I choose to be a paramedic and what sane person would do that? Seriously though I feel that just because, like a lot of us, I like heels and dress differently that it requires therapy. Do women need to see a therapist before they do something that would be considered more male orientated? Thank you to everyone else as I said before you all have valid points and in the end it is I who can make the right choice that will make me happy. Sorry for harpping on and will need to start documenting my adventure/outings for you all to read adn to help others as well.

[Amanda]

Leave the woman who stifles your passions or give them up and forget them. Life is so short. how will you look back at this in years to come?.

[jarod81]

Leave the woman who stifles your passions or give them up and forget them.

Life is so short. how will you look back at this in years to come?.

Hey Amanda, the most stupid thing of all is I can give this sort of advice to other people but never listen to my own words. I'm forever telling people life's a gift and short so make the most of it... and yet here I am.

The whole reason of not keeping a secret was 1) I got a lot of confidence and 2) When I'm old and look back at my life I don't want to regreat enjoying it.

[pussyinboots]

Hey Amanda, the most stupid thing of all is I can give this sort of advice to other people but never listen to my own words. I'm forever telling people life's a gift and short so make the most of it... and yet here I am.

The whole reason of not keeping a secret was 1) I got a lot of confidence and 2) When I'm old and look back at my life I don't want to regreat enjoying it.

Wise and honest words 'jarod'. "Practice what you preach" my Mother always used to say.

If you're willing to take the risks in order to lead a more fulfilling life, then you must also be prepared to shoulder the disappointments alongside the highs.....and if this means giving up a happy partnership in favour of your own personal well-being - then so be it. As I said before.....you must be prepared to accept that ultimately, you may not be suited to each other.

However I'm sure that if you stick to your principles and are honest with yourself and others around you - then there will be a happy ending to all this......whatever it may be.

[Womer_uk]

Funnily enough, this question cropped up on a so called, "Babe" channel on TV today !

For people not in Great Britain, these satellite programmes are generally known to punters as, "Slapper Channels"

They usually consist of a woman, (sometimes a triumph of the surgeons art ), sat on a bed in various states of undress as the day and night wears on, encouraging you to ring up and talk to her for £1.53 a minute, (about $2).

At 1700 on one of the channels usually there's an, "Ask Jo" spot, where a thirty something ex dancer usually answers questions from SMS texts sent in (at the same extortionate rate ), from lonely men.

One today was from a bloke who had a love of heels and wore them in the house when he was on his own all the time, (he said he had about a dozen pairs).

He really wanted to tell his live in girlfriend about his heel passion, and would have liked to wear them in front of her, but was scared of her reaction.

“Jo”, quickly got down to it, and pleaded with him not to upset his partner, “why can't you just carry on as you are babe, why hurt her ?”

Two texts on, another bloke texts in asking her what size of shoes she wore, (BTW, they really were nice too)

She replied, “I really love wearing my size 6 (6” court shoes), I really do look after all my heels, and just love to dangle these in front of you on the show, they make me feel so good !”

I shouted at the TV, “It's a shame you didn't show some support to the other bloke, you ******* hypocrite, that's what he feels like !”.

It seems some women want only want the pleasure of wearing heels for their own sex, though it's perfectly acceptable for women to wear what, only a few decades ago was just male attire.

Thankfully my niece isn't like that, I wore my 5” black patent heels in front of her for the first time just a few weeks ago, and said, “good on you John, you're nearly as good as me in mine !”

Sorry to rant on a bit

[Amanda]

It seems some women want only want the pleasure of wearing heels for their own sex

And why not...what's so wrong about that?

[Foxyheels]

And why not...what's so wrong about that?

Absolutely nothing wrong with that Amanda. Fortunately though there are some women who don't mind sharing the pleasure.

[Guest]

Jarod there are many good lines of advise here all coming down to a sequence of 3 events to action. Discuss, decide and act! big discussion set some rules "no anger" when it gets heated adjourn and return later. A compromise would be good for you both as a relationship but must be workable. Our mindset does not go away and avoiding it becomes difficult. My OH, Chris fully understands and we agree that certain things are non heel (for me that is) it is her fear of "incidents" and professionally what people don't need to know. She knows now that it isn't a fetish and it's part and parcel of me in two aspects, Desire and since a major accident <6 years ago, posture work (in heels) helps relieve the pain, half hour does make a difference. Our kids are ok with it, her youngest (a cosplayer) almost sets up challenges. If at the end of the great debate there is no joy, then a departure is foreseen, do try to make it as friends without malice. BUT I hope a better solution with manifest itself. Al

[Gudulitooo]

I have no intention of wanting to be or look like a girl. Yes I wear clothing aimed and the opposite sex and like make up but I would go as far to say that it is crossdressing.

First, this statement is the key. Your fiancee is going to be hurt in her heart if you have the slightest doubt about what you tell here. Maybe a therapist could confirm, or be kind of "certificate" in her eyes, or making yourself more confident.

Next if you wear clothes intented for girls, and you have a small and thin body, there are chances that you will look like a girl... (*). If you wear heels, there are chances that you move like a girl. So the issue that you don't intend to look like a girl has little effect on the result.

Fiancees have certain rights that you cannot go against. They choose the color of your tie, want you to forever act and behave in a seductive manner, want you to do your conjugal duties, etc.

Trying to impose your views in that field is forcing her to abandon some of her rights (**). Many men had to throw away these comfortable shoes she finds old and ugly.

(*) If you are able to turn womens clothes into manly looking attire for skinny guys, then you could take a chance as designer or artist.

(**) starting a designer career could also improve your legitimacy in the choice of clothes.

[benno]

And why not...what's so wrong about that?

Er... It's selfish, boring and outmoded. Amanda I do accept that you like playing Devil's advocate and expressing a view but are you really that blinkered in your thinking? I'm sure you drive a car, wear trousers and have a job. These used to be unholy and perverse things for women to do. Try to expand your horizons. All the moaning is a little wearisome. You are entirely welcome to have your views but I fear you may be fighting the inevitable. You sound slighty unenlightened and old fashioned.

[Amanda]

Actually Benno,

I don't have a job and I don't need one. However I do like to work from time to time albeit just for the challenge.

I do own a pair of jeans and a wetsuit which also happens to have legs on it and yes, I will drive a car if I have to.

You obviously have no idea of my horizons. I can't blame you for that but please don't accuse me of moaning. You are moaning not me.

Furthermore you're just so way off the mark with your comments that even you yourself would be quite shocked if you were faced with the reality.

As for boring....well I find that it's only ever boring people that get bored.

Now, I don't know what it was that sparked off such a response from you or what was going through your mind when you wrote it but I will give you the chance to apologize after which I will forgive you and think nothing more of it.

Amanda

Er... It's selfish, boring and outmoded. Amanda I do accept that you like playing Devil's advocate and expressing a view but are you really that blinkered in your thinking? I'm sure you drive a car, wear trousers and have a job. These used to be unholy and perverse things for women to do. Try to expand your horizons. All the moaning is a little wearisome. You are entirely welcome to have your views but I fear you may be fighting the inevitable. You sound slighty unenlightened and old fashioned.

[StormClaw]

Lets not start making personal attacks please people.These posts are supposed to help people not attack them.Everyone has their own valid opinions.Yes in the old days women were looked down upon,I feel thats wrong.Women are just as important in life as men.Amanda I can undersand how you feel,heels have always been part of womens domain but but some of us men have a love for heels like the ladys and want to be,not part as women but part of the heel community I say that because I love heels and only wear heels lol So please lets keep the attacks to a none and just have decent conversations

[jarod81]

First, this statement is the key. Your fiancee is going to be hurt in her heart if you have the slightest doubt about what you tell here. Maybe a therapist could confirm, or be kind of "certificate" in her eyes, or making yourself more confident.

Next if you wear clothes intented for girls, and you have a small and thin body, there are chances that you will look like a girl... (*). If you wear heels, there are chances that you move like a girl. So the issue that you don't intend to look like a girl has little effect on the result.

Fiancees have certain rights that you cannot go against. They choose the color of your tie, want you to forever act and behave in a seductive manner, want you to do your conjugal duties, etc.

Trying to impose your views in that field is forcing her to abandon some of her rights (**). Many men had to throw away these comfortable shoes she finds old and ugly.

(*) If you are able to turn womens clothes into manly looking attire for skinny guys, then you could take a chance as designer or artist.

(**) starting a designer career could also improve your legitimacy in the choice of clothes.

Yes some of my clothes can make me look like a girl however I wear a uniform for work and am forever getting patients ask me if I'm a girl, which cna be funny sometimes.

I can't tell you how I'm so against this whole wife/fiancee has rights bussiness such as you stated which colour tie I would wear. It's this kind of behaviour which puts us men wearing heel back in to a dark area. A relationship is ment to be equal with equal rights.

Again thank you for everyone for your advice. Hopefully other users can find this as helpful as I have.

On a side note can we leave the personal attacks somewhere else. I'm aware of Amanda's point of veiw but she has also left a non-judgemental piece of advice at the begining of the topic which can be said to be "general advice" about anything that someone may enjoy.

[ChipsHH]

Been reading...... came across something.... won't quote them directly, because I'm going on a come-and-go thought right now... Because one side says "yada-yada-choose what your well-being thinks you should do." But then, there's the other side that says "if you gotta sacrifice it for the relationship, it just has to be. Live through it." (And trust me; I'd do quotes if I wanted, but that could stir things more, and we DON'T quite want that, now do we?) Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this what he's trying to figure out? Point being: I don't think we're the most helpful bunch to go by, really. Even I couldn't merely choose a side without months to years of thinking about it. Cause some things, especially this, needs A LOT of time to think about. I say it's up to him to think about what to do. But the least he could do is see which outweighs the other: loving the fiancee, or your passion for whatever you exactly do (I found it hard to interpret, no offense). And if it's already been said, then....sorry, and delete this post as you see fit. Just know that, people, it's possible to do both. Just takes some realistic steps to get to it...... Hope I got my point(s) across somewhat.