Giving Up Heels...

[fatfuzz]

...and throwing them all out only to start again a few days/weeks/months later. Sound familiar to anyone? I felt compelled to write this post after reading a post by a new member, highheelboots, who mentioned how every now and then he'd get a pang of guilt about his love of heels and throw them all out only to buy some more a while later. How many times have I done that? More than I'd care to mention. I hate to think about all the gorgeous shoes I've binned off because that guilt thing, feeling as though it's wrong and that I shouldn't be doing it. I did it again just before christmas and after a night on the pop just a few weeks ago found me ordering 4 new pairs of shoes/boots and a couple more since. It is not going away - when will I learn? I have been obsessed with them in the past to the point of serious distraction and I think I get rid because I can't handle thinking about it anymore. Because I don't publicly go heeling or share with friends then there has never been a proper release for it hence the whole thing getting out of control in my head (am I making sense here?). So now I don't allow myself to get obsessed by them and am working on slowly bringing them into my everyday life by talking to friends and aiming at wearing my flatter, less conspicuous shoes publicly (see my post Breaking the Ice). So far so good. It's less of a peck and I actually enjoy them more when I do wear them around my flat. So I just wondered if anyone else had similar experiences or just wanted to share some thoughts on the subject?

[willi01]

Well, that sounds very familar to me. One important aspect for me is that I need some more space to hide all the heels from my family (especially the kids)... Guess we are all suffering from the same addiction than all the girls arround, aren´t we? Anyway that gives room to discover new styles, colours, shoetypes and to expand your personal heeling horizon. Best regards from Germany Willi

[AZShoeNut]

Howdy,

Oh, ya, the purge, quit, realize this is not going away, get more shoes was a pretty active part of my earlier heeling experience. It turns out that this experience is pretty normal for those of us who have yet to come to celebrate our unique passion. I cannot speak too heavily as I am still pretty young on the celebrate my heels part of this path. Heck, just a year ago I had a crappy psychologist send me way off my path regarding my heeling.

I just recently read an artical about cross dressing and the LDS church. It looks like the purge, quit, realize that this is not going away, get more stuff is also pretty common in that world too. I have posted a link below.

All I can say is that the more I appreciate this unique interest and the more open that I become with it the less tendency there is to purge. In fact the only reason that I get rid of shoes now is to make room for new ones. When we move into a place with more storage then that will be less of an issue.

Best wishes on your journey with heels,

Larry

Article

https://www.sunstonemagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/sbi/articles/153-44-47.pdf

[mlroseplant]

I have, in fact, thrown away, let's see, I can count them. . . 3 pairs of shoes in the past because of guilt or fear. That was many, many years ago, and good riddance, because every one of them hurt my feet. I now own many more shoes without guilt that do not hurt my feet. On edit: Nope, wait a minute, I just thought of a 4th pair that I threw away before I got married the second time. Actually, I wish I had those back. I'd forgotten about them.

[Curt]

I've never purged heels. Why would I? I piad for them, I wear them, I like them, I love them! Just be honest with yourself and know you are not weird. You just love sexy shoes. Isn't that why most shoe designers are men. Making beautiful shoes for women. Don't think for a second that they don't wear them themselves! Maybe if you're a manly man, people will give you a hard time with your shoes because it could look a lot like crossdressing from the outsiders that are not into fashion. I am transgendered, not completely a woman, or intend to be. Just too many complications with family, friends and at work. But it makes wearing heels and shopping at womens stores a breeze. I'm really one of them without having all the necessary parts. I'm going off-topic. Just think that you men are creating something cool here. Something that designers are too scared to bring out or to profit from. Men should be able to wear heels just like the females that love them! Mens fashion is totally dead right now. It havnt changed at all in 60 years. Dress the way you want to, and embrace it. People will respect you for being true to yourself!

[fatfuzz]

Howdy,

Oh, ya, the purge, quit, realize this is not going away, get more shoes was a pretty active part of my earlier heeling experience. It turns out that this experience is pretty normal for those of us who have yet to come to celebrate our unique passion. I cannot speak too heavily as I am still pretty young on the celebrate my heels part of this path. Heck, just a year ago I had a crappy psychologist send me way off my path regarding my heeling.

I just recently read an artical about cross dressing and the LDS church. It looks like the purge, quit, realize that this is not going away, get more stuff is also pretty common in that world too. I have posted a link below.

All I can say is that the more I appreciate this unique interest and the more open that I become with it the less tendency there is to purge. In fact the only reason that I get rid of shoes now is to make room for new ones. When we move into a place with more storage then that will be less of an issue.

Best wishes on your journey with heels,

Larry

Article

https://www.sunstone...s/153-44-47.pdf

Thanks Larry! Interesting reading in that article. I think that religion has a lot to answer for but I'm not going there now and I respect that many people get a lot from it so for them it's a good thing.

[hh4evr1]

Lots of people on this site have mentioned purging their heels through guilt etc (myself included). Once I realised I will always like to wear heels and no longer felt guilty/ashamed I haven't purged my heel collection.

[hhl4vr]

I too have thrown out many pairs (somwhere close to 20 pairs) just to go out an purchase new ones. I find that since joining this site about 15 months ago, I have not thrown out any pairs. I still sometimes get that guilty feeling and ask myself the WHY? but have come more to terms that I'm just a guy that loves to wear heels. Still a huge issue between my wife so still have to 'heel' in secret (but that another topic for another day)....

[Steve63130]

In fact the only reason that I get rid of shoes now is to make room for new ones. When we move into a place with more storage then that will be less of an issue.

Larry,

You haven't heard of "Steve's Law of Shoes," have you? It says, "The shoes accumulate to fill (and eventually to exceed) the available space."

Getting a larger place with more storage is not the answer; it is only a short-term temporary adjustment.

Interesting article, btw. Thanks for posting the link.

Steve

[RonC]

I cannot tell you how many pairs of shoes I purged over these many years. While feeling guilty or "odd" about it is part of the process, since I do not share my desire to wear heels with anyone, one of the biggest probelms is finding a place to keep the shoes. So with limited storage, I can only have maybe one or two pairs around at any given time. Therefore, I will buy a pair, wear them for a while, and then pass them along. Many years ago I stopped putting them in the trash, as that just seemed stupid for perfectly good shoes. Now a days, I try to give them to the Salvation Army or another charitable group, for re-sale. I know there have been many guys thrilled to find a nearly new pair of heels in their size at some re-sale shops! I would likely spend a lot less on shoes if I could keep what I buy, but.... I can tell you that there are many pairs of shoes that I would love the have back! And in the past, in the days when I wouldn't try on before buying, there were numerous pairs that were passed on simply because they did not fit! Glad I finally reached the try on in store stage!

[hhboots]

I typically purge a certain portion of my collection out of feeling guilty that I am taking over the closet and have far too many pairs already. Usually after I add a few new pairs, I get rid of a matching number of pairs of heels that I don't wear or like very much. There have a few occasions that I have actually considered throwing them all out, but I can never bring myself to do it and I know it would never last anyway. It would just end up being a huge waste of my money

[SleekHeels]

I have purged a few pairs due to feelings of guilt when I was younger. I don't feel that way now so I only get rid of shoes that are beyond repair, or if I don't like the style/fit I'll donate them to a charity shop. Since I started heeling publicly I feel I've become more ruthless about not keeping badly-fitting shoes (or preferably not buying them in the first place). In the old days I also used to buy styles just because I saw someone else wearing them and liked them. Now I always try on in the store to make sure of the fit and how the style looks for me. Definitely a case of giving up guilt, not giving up heels.

[alan]

Ive thrown away many pairs of heels in the past. Every time I have done it I also regret it. The feelings of guilt are a waste of time and energy. Ive accepted that I like to wear heels.

[Steve63130]

Sleekheels and Alan, very well stated. I am the same way. I accept myself in heels (and have done so for several years) and now I'm proud of my collection of shoes, I'm not afraid to talk about my preferences to anyone, and I'm wearing styles in public that I wouldn't have dreamed wearing a couple of years ago. No guilt here, unless I can feel guilty for having WAY too much fun! HA HA! Steve

[mlroseplant]

Sleekheels and Alan, very well stated. I am the same way. I accept myself in heels (and have done so for several years) and now I'm proud of my collection of shoes, I'm not afraid to talk about my preferences to anyone, and I'm wearing styles in public that I wouldn't have dreamed wearing a couple of years ago. No guilt here, unless I can feel guilty for having WAY too much fun! HA HA!

Steve

Like, especially the part about having way too much fun.

[Stilletto2004]

I've never purged at the garbage can, I did it on E-bay. The fun thing about that is, it loads up your PayPal account so you can buy more... HEELS!

[Histiletto]

How can I say this without revealing my unquenched disgust and contempt for the people who continue to perpetuate the ideas and attitudes that high heels are for females only and off-limits for males? I have never known a time that I haven't desired to wear some style of spike or stiletto heeled pumps, even when they were in the categories of lows to flats. My childhood memories are full of wanting to wear some of the same style shoes the girls had the social permission to wear, but was socially denied because of being a person who could not have such feelings for being a male. Learning to live among this attitude made the idea of purging seem the only way to possibly conform or should I use repent. The problem with this scenario is that I have no remorse for wanting to wear heels, because there is nothing wrong with this desire. The conflict with this natural process is from the homophobic people who didn't want men and women appearing to display the same desires, like the wearing of heels. They decreed that men can't wear what women wear. However, females have the reputation for wearing what men wear without any social reprimand. Apparently, homophilia is being dealt with by some one-track minded people, who can't see the injustice and the obvious contradictions of their decrees. Like so many heelers, I have a number of regrets from purging, until I also realized the folly of doing it. I do agree that we must revamp our clothing closets at times to realize what selections we have to choose for their stability, wearability, and/or compatibility. Keeping heels that you never intend to use ought to be mounted and displayed as art or released to be found by some other adoring wearer.

[SandalFan]

I've "purged" once before. I got rid of my single most favorite pair of knotted peep-toe 5" stiletto slingbacks, and my favorite pair of knotted open-toe ankle-strap 5" stiletto sandals - neither of which are in production anymore - thanks to my guilty feelings.

I've sworn to never do it again.

[highheelboot]

Thanks for this thread fatfuzz.

This is exactly what I have experienced over the years of my roller coater heel wearing and detailed in my intro post!

http://www.hhplace.org/topic/21041-hello-first-post-and-introduction/

I dread to think how much money I have wasted over the years.

Initially when I hit a 'down' I would get so cross with myself that I would literally bin my boots - Faith, Aldo or whatever I happened to have at that time.

I then started giving them to charity shops or leave them in those 'donation bins' you see scattered around - goodness knows what the staff thought when they found my size 9 knee boots, thigh boots or are very supportive,what ever I was running away from!!

However, the tide has changed for me having at long last confided in a friend re my boot wearing. Whilst they do not entirely understanding - but then again its a lot to suddenly take in, they have been 100% supportive and most importantly have given me an outlet to my boot wearing!

No more dashes of confidence or purges for me!

[ilikekicks]

When I parted ways with the former ' to be ' wife, I must have sold at least 250 pairs of shoes online. a LOT of them were designer.. ( Jimmy Choo, CL ) some were of the upper-middle types ( Cole Hann ).. I never thought I would get into heels.

[fatfuzz]

All this talk of purging and guilt and I'm sat here, not feeling like a purge is coming, but definitely feeling a bit.. um.. frustrated shall we say... It's too much of that feeling that makes me feel fed up with it and want to give it all up! I just want "closure" on it - to feel happy and content within myself. It's like being trapped. I want to feel accepted by people who are close to me for in what I do and so I think the only way forward is to start talking about it to those friends whom I know will see it for what it is. Anyway, my ramblings aside, thanks everyone for your input. Once again, I find I am not alone in the cycle of feelings that goes with the mental battle of coming to terms with this "thing".

[Marion]

I threw up some heels when I was around 20 years old, because of guilt. Now, either I sell them if they are still wearable, either they are completely worn-out and it takes ages before I decide to throw them up...

[fatfuzz]

Throw them "out"! Throw "up" suggests you vommited them which sounds funny but is also ridiculous!

[Histiletto]

I have used e-bay quite a bit to purchase heels, but it became unreliable as to the quality and the sizing. Many heels have been purged, because of this. So now any new heels are generally bought from retail outlets, either on-line or over the counter. I still breeze ebay once in a while, but I hardly ever find a pair that sparks my interest. In a sense, it has done me a favor by helping me to save my funds for the better heel purchases and decreasing my rate of heel buying.

[Curt]

All this talk of purging and guilt and I'm sat here, not feeling like a purge is coming, but definitely feeling a bit.. um.. frustrated shall we say... It's too much of that feeling that makes me feel fed up with it and want to give it all up! I just want "closure" on it - to feel happy and content within myself. It's like being trapped. I want to feel accepted by people who are close to me for in what I do and so I think the only way forward is to start talking about it to those friends whom I know will see it for what it is.

Anyway, my ramblings aside, thanks everyone for your input. Once again, I find I am not alone in the cycle of feelings that goes with the mental battle of coming to terms with this "thing".

if you want to give it all up, then you have the choice to do so. Just do it for the right reasons. Don't do it just because others don't like it. We have only one chance in life. We have to live it to the fullest.

[fatfuzz]

Don't get me wrong Pumpcat - I have no intention of giving it all up. I was just expressing what was going through my head at the time and looking for reasons as to why these purges keep happening and also ways of making it stop because it is not going away!

[niknhose]

I, like many others, have purged a few times over the years. Most of my purges were forced however . From my own experiences I can tell you that the toughts of purging stem from social acceptance/peer pressure. I would feel the guilt of being different and think it would be better if I was "normal". I would consider purging and then procrastination would set in, which has saved my stuff on more than one ocassion. Nowadays I don't get that urge to unload all of my heels and nylons, it is a part of who I am and I don't feel guilty about that. Society is a cruel teacher. In life we are told to be individuals by our parents, teachers and friends, yet we are constantly taught to seek out differences in everything we do. We are conditioned to conform to someone else's idea of normal and admonished when we do not meet those expectations. As we get older we see those that are expressing themselves and being different, we are jealous and envious because we feel that we are not able to express ourselves how we want. We wind up feeling guilty for the things we hide in our closet and to try and remove the guilt, we clean it out. However the closet remains and we feel empty without something in there, so we fill it back up. I believe that part of the guilt also stems from the fact that we are hiding something and are in denial. I think most of those that are wearing heels openly and out in public would agree that they don't have feelings of guilt and wanting to purge. To be clear, I am not saying that those that keep it in the house feel any less or more about purging. In my years in various forums, I have read many stories of the guilt, purging and then feeling guilty for purging. I have also read many times the stories of opening up the closet and letting it out and how happy those people are now. I see that in this forum as well. Hope thiis helps Nikki

[JustJenny]

I used to be with a guy that was a altocalciphiliac in the truest sense of the word. He was aroused by wearing heels, seeing heels , shopping for them or simply put anything high heels. That’s not to say it was the only thing that excited him but it was right up there at or near the top. I supported him as much as I could and though it never bothered me, I know he always wondered how I "really felt" about his addiction. And rest assured it was an addiction. Over the years he bought literally hundreds of shoes. He obsessed over finding that "perfect" pair of heels. I think it was in hopes of putting an end to something that very much controlled the majority of his free time and I'm sure something that always occupied his thoughts. But even if that’s not it, his personality was one that’s ALWAYS looking for the next better thing, whether it’s a car, power tool or piece of sports equipment, he was rarely satisfied. He most certainly spent more time shopping for heels than he did wearing them and I’d say rarely a day goes by that he isn’t doing some kind of high heel shopping (browsing)either online or in the shops around town. Really what I think Jeff wanted was me to want him to wear heels. He wanted me to be aroused by him wearing heels and not just a little. I think he wanted me to feel the same way he did about heels. Maybe it was some way of deflecting the embarrassment he felt. Even though I tried to support him, never once saying anything bad, he could never just “let go” and get caught up in the moment and enjoy his fetish honestly, openly and without shame. Again you could just feel that he was sooo worried what I might “REALLY” think.

From time to time I guess it was guilt or fear that made him throw them away. I could feel it coming on. His personality definitely changed and he began to withdraw. I think it was alot like any addiction that people can have. I knew he enjoyed heels addiction but I also know it "haunted" him. He was ashamed of his love for heels. Even when I tried to talk openly about it you could see that it wasn’t comfortable for him despite so desperately wanting to do so. The styles today make things worse for him. The more extreme 5-6.6” heels are everywhere now attracting his reluctant yet desperate attention. Like an alcoholic sitting in a bar and trying not to drink, you can see him trying not to look when he sees or hears a pair of heels coming. He definitely has little or no control over it. Aside from heels Jeff was your typical guy. He enjoyed sports, crude humor, action movies. I know him well enough to know that he wouldn’t care that I shared this with the people here. Maybe some of you are similar….

Cheers

Jenny

[SleekHeels]

if you want to give it all up, then you have the choice to do so. Just do it for the right reasons. Don't do it just because others don't like it. We have only one chance in life. We have to live it to the fullest.

I like that pumpcat.

Thinking about the whole topic made me think of a new poll: http://www.hhplace.org/topic/21069-purging-and-heeling/

[kikepa]

I did the purging thing during the first twenty or so years of heeling. Five times. I wish I hadn't, as I lost the best pair of leather pumps, leather boots, and sandals I ever had. But when the wife (now ex) flipped her lid, it was either her or the heels. I chose her. She wound up leaving anyway (throws hands up in the air and sighs). Fortunately, it was *only* about twenty pairs over the years, so call it around $1,000. These days I have three favorites, which I wear all the time while at home, and often while driving. I usually change out when meeting with friends, as they'd probably not continue to be friends if I didn't. They're good people, but conservatives, so that's just life. We all make the choices we need to make. I'd rather keep a secret and the friends I have than let it out and loose my friends.