stratty Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Does anyone else get a guilty almost shameful feeling after indulging in wearing high heels? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RonC Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 I feel guilt only in as much as there have been times I spent money on heels that would have better been spent on otehr things, and that my wife has no idea how much I spend on shoes (or even that I wear heels, for that matter). So the guilt doesn;t come from wearing the heels, it is more from buying them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Shoe Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 No, none at all! Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreshinHeels Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 no guilt whatsover except maybe that I waited so long to start In the process of becoming the person I always was...but didn't dare to let her come out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SF Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 No, I do not feel guilty at all when wearing heels. If fact, when I wear heels I feel very happy and confident. Maybe the "endorphin" rush that one gets after exercise?? I wish I could get out in heels more often tho. I have been heeling in public since 1996 (I still remember the first time!!) and wish I had done it sooner.... Life is short.. Take care all... sf "Why should girls have all the fun!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdmonto Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 There is no reason to fell guilt at all, I know that it's hard to go against many years of social programming, but that is all there is to it, a social convention. We don't hurt anyone, and our choice of footwear affects no one but yourself, so there is no reason to feel guilty. I think you (stratty) should try to reprogam yourself in this area, because there is no reason to punish yourself for what should be a rewarding experience, i understand you, and i used to feel a little shame at first, but you should really try to get over it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fatfuzz Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 I used to get that but I have gotten very bored of feeling like that about something which gives me pleasure so I decided to face up to it and stop fighting it. I've started talking to certain close friends about it and I no longer feel any shame or guilt about it. It's quite a relief actually and I recommend it to anyone who feels shame or guilt about wearing heels. It takes some balls to approach it with anyone for the first time and you need to choose the right person but you just know who to tell and who not to tell and those are the people closest to you who you know will take you for who you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffB Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 The only guilt I feel is that I waited so long to indulge in my passion. Why should I feel guilty about wearing shoes? I mean, shoes keep your feet warm, dry and protected from the elements, nothing more, nothing less. If the shoes I choose to wear have high heels, big deal! I don't want to LOOK like a woman, I just want to DRESS like a woman! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waisted_Giraffe Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 I used to get that but I have gotten very bored of feeling like that about something which gives me pleasure so I decided to face up to it and stop fighting it. I've started talking to certain close friends about it and I no longer feel any shame or guilt about it. It's quite a relief actually and I recommend it to anyone who feels shame or guilt about wearing heels. It takes some balls to approach it with anyone for the first time and you need to choose the right person but you just know who to tell and who not to tell and those are the people closest to you who you know will take you for who you are. Quite agree, I do every now and again feel the whole thing is completely absurd but that is normally if I've had a couple of "cheeky vimtos". Was amazed at the almost non reaction when I told 2 of my closest friends; they are quite obsessed about it and keep asking me about the collection; they have yet to see me in heels in the flesh though.......think that may garner a interesting reaction he, he, he. R Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roniheels Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 No guilt in wearing high heels at all. The only guilt I might feel is for not finding High Heel Place sooner, and then realizing how many women and especially men enjoy wearing high heels, and all of the great stories and experiences that could have been shared if I had found this web site sooner. I'm just glad I found it and have enjoyed every minute of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dblair Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Your sense of guilt has nothing to do with wearing high heels. It has to do with the fact that you hide it. It is normal to feel guilty about keeping secrets from those that are close to you. Nobody feels "guilt" over their choice of clothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DProud2700 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 I never have any guilt when I wear my high heel shoes or boots Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legzG Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 mmmmm let me think......NO!! not a chance. The higher the better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bernheels Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 I agree 100% with Dblair, I met Dave at a heel meet in Canada and lved the event. That was the 1st time that I actually walked around town in high heels and wiashed I could have done more. Circumstances prevented me from finishing the weekend in heels. I would do it again in a heartbeat. My only guilt is that I do not have the courage that David has to strut in his heels - whenever he wants. He is enjoying the feeling and living the moment. Go for it - you only live once! Bernheels Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyinHeels Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 I don't feel guilt, since I am doing nothing wrong in buying a product legally and using it as designed. I only wish I had found this site sooner and started wearing heels in public sooner. Now, I can't imagine not buying my shoes in person and enjoying the shopping experience. The only ingredient missing is meeting some of you to share it with! HappyinHeels:wavey: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gudulitooo Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 I feel guilt only in as much as there have been times I spent money on heels that would have better been spent on other things I feel the same especially when the shoes stay unused, or worst, unused and purged. Bad for personal finances, bad for the environment, etc. Also for the time spent looking for the shoes that would have been better spent with my familly I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kneehighs Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Your sense of guilt has nothing to do with wearing high heels. It has to do with the fact that you hide it. It is normal to feel guilty about keeping secrets from those that are close to you. Nobody feels "guilt" over their choice of clothing. I actually don't agree with the level of mind reading inherent in that statement. I used to feel guilty for wearing heels and I wasn't keeping it a secret from anyone. The guilt I felt was the result of not living up to my dads expectation of what a normal masculine man would wear. The guilt I felt was the result of not living up to the expectation of my friends. The guilt is a result of violating a childhood script inbred by my father about how masculinity should symbolize itself in the clothing that I wear. Now that I'm an adult (and all grown up, ha) I can mourn and grieve for my past, know that I can never go back and change the past, embrace the emotional pain as a competent adult empathic for myself, and move on to ultimate emotional freedom. Just my two cents. Feminine Style . Masculine Soul. Skin In The Game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SleekHeels Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 As a kid (age 5 to 10) I felt a sense that I was doing something not necessarily "wrong" but "forbidden" and that I should keep it to myself, but I wouldn't call that guilt. I think at that age you wear heels with a childlike innocence just because they're fun, whether you're a girl or a boy. As a teenager the feelings of guilt and shame definitely made their presence felt. It was a constant cycle of (a) the irresistible urge to wear heels as self-expression of the affinity I felt with feminine qualities (or a rejection of the masculine stereotypes I couldn't relate to), and then ( feeling disgusted with my male self for exploiting femininity for selfish pleasure. I'd vow never to wear heels again, but that'd last all of a couple of days at most before the need to wear them would overwhelm me again. That's a lot of inner conflict and turmoil, and I felt pretty screwed up really. I'd always struggled to try to keep heels separate from the rest of my life, thinking I could somehow purge it from within me. But like fatfuzz says there comes a time "to face up to it and stop fighting it", like jdmonto says to "reprogram yourself" for the better, which pretty much sums up my 20's. I decided it was time to embrace my feminine feelings and let my "inner woman" express herself as a confident and positive force in my life and a part of who I am as a guy. I figured if I can't show kindness and compassion towards myself how could I possibly show kindness and compassion to a real woman in my life, or any other fellow human beings for that matter? After that I think the inner guilt goes away, but like others have said there can be other feelings of guilt from keeping secrets or spending money you shouldn't be spending (but women could feel that guilt too, it's not a "guy in heels" thing any more). I think what I'd feel guilty about now would be to impose my heel-wearing on my girlfriend just as a personal need of my own without any empathy for her... but if she feels the need for affection and compassion and emotional support, and can understand my heel-wearing as an expression of that, then maybe there's hope that things can work out just fine. Thanks for listening... if my psycho-babble has a positive effect on just one other person then I guess that makes posting it worthwhile. If you like it, wear it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kneehighs Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 As a kid (age 5 to 10) I felt a sense that I was doing something not necessarily "wrong" but "forbidden" and that I should keep it to myself, but I wouldn't call that guilt. I think at that age you wear heels with a childlike innocence just because they're fun, whether you're a girl or a boy. I agree that at that age, you are just expressing childhood curiosity. At that age, you are also very vulnerable emotionally to outside parental influence. At that age, you will nearly do anything within your power to keep the love of your parents. If this means further denying your curiosity about wearing heels to keep mom or dad from reacting negatively and making you feel guilty, then that is what you will do to keep their love. I remember when I was 6, I got caught wearing heels in a closet--literally. I shut the closet doors on myself, put on my moms shoes which I can still readily recall their color and texture and heel height and heel shape and toe shape. Then my mom and dad came into their room and opened the closet door on me. I was discovered and felt not only embarassed, but ashamed and guilty. Judging from their emotional reaction, mom wasn't really phased but dad was. I knew I wasn't supposed to do it any longer. So I continued to wear my mom's heels later on in life 6-7 years. When she left home and there was no one around, I would sneak into her room and trace the outline of her boots with yarn. Then I'd lift the boot from the floor and carefully place it back within the perimeter of the yarn to keep my secret. The guilt came from not being true to myself, despite what my parents thought. The guilt came from knowing that my true self was not something my dad wanted me to be. At that tender age though, who would have the sense of independent thought to act despite parental objections? .....I figured if I can't show kindness and compassion towards myself how could I possibly show kindness and compassion to a real woman in my life, or any other fellow human beings for that matter?.... Love this. Agree with it very much. You seem like someone reasonably in touch with your emotions and your true inner person. Good for you! Feminine Style . Masculine Soul. Skin In The Game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlie Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 If anyone can make a logical argument as to why I should feel guilty, I'll give it some thought. I can't personally come up with one myself. Charlie Everything I say is a lie!.......I'm lying Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SleekHeels Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 Kneehighs, what you said about keeping the love of your parents, and not living up to your dad's expectation really made me think. As a kid I felt that my dad and pretty much all the other male figures of authority in my world were anti-role-models that repelled me, so I don't recall feeling at all guilty about not meeting their expectations. What you said about "The guilt came from not being true to myself, despite what my parents thought. The guilt came from knowing that my true self was not something my dad wanted me to be"... I'd never thought of it that way before but it's spot on - it's that self-denial of falling short of my own expectations because they didn't fit the world around me. However, I guess liking heels and having positive male role models is a whole other load of tensions beyond my experience. On the other hand as well as demonising men, I think even at that time I idealised women as positive role-models. While the gender stereotype was of "weaker" gentle qualities, high-heeled shoes perfectly represented the confidence and empowerment of those gentle qualities, a kind of best-of-both-worlds which I found very aspirational. While for some (most?) guys even the thought of wearing heels would be degrading/humiliating, for me it feels empowering and positive even though society might not see it that way. It's ironic how something we can be ridiculed for can be the source of self-respect. I think wearing heels (or rather how I've come to terms with it over the years) has helped me break down those polarised preconceptions, but that's taken the best part of 30 years. What I'd feel guilty about now is dumping all that on a girlfriend/wife and expecting her to deal with it without any emotional support from me. (BTW, I thought I'd been meticulous putting shoes back so as not to get caught, but I never even thought of the yarn trick... perhaps your mum never noticed her shoes but spent years wondering who'd been fiddling with the yarn! A guy knitting would get even funnier looks than a guy in heels, so maybe we're making more progress than we realise! ) If you like it, wear it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kneehighs Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 ^ Hey! I'm preparing myself for the Paris shows right now, so kind of pressed for time. But what I do want to say is that I respect your honesty with your self and your feelings. It's healthy and like you said, will empower you to truly connect with others and truly care about others, and should be followed by more here. Too many people in the world consider empathizing with one's own emotions, be it from the past, or the present, or even the future as something negative and weak. Personally, I prefer to re-experience my early childhood feelings of abandonment, helplessness, remorse, aloneness, etc as an adult, because it brings me closer to my true inner core, not some projected false image of grandiosity that I want people to mirror back to me. If you ask me, most psychological problems and with them, the symptom of an inability to truly connect and care about others, arise from a person hiding from their true feelings. The same holds true for heeling. To a certain extent, as an adult you live out your childhood scripts associated with heeling. Au revoir all, have a much needed dinner to attend to. Feminine Style . Masculine Soul. Skin In The Game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
z91209 Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 Your sense of guilt has nothing to do with wearing high heels. It has to do with the fact that you hide it. It is normal to feel guilty about keeping secrets from those that are close to you. Nobody feels "guilt" over their choice of clothing. Couldn't agree more. But I still do not have courage to public heeling yet ;( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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