Are we kidding ourselves ?

[Pumps]

I was just going to the hairdressers in my beige pumps and the other day I was out photographing in my 4" ankleboots. Both times people (girls) were laughing pretty obviously and that made me think. Are we so caught up in this heel wearing that we can't see what others see ? I don't think either outfit was that big a deal, but maybe I'm just so used to see it, that I don't see that it looks ridiculous and maybe I would laugh if I saw myself (Actually I wouldn't, but you get the point) ?

[Tech]

I was just going to the hairdressers in my beige pumps and the other day I was out photographing in my 4" ankleboots. Both times people (girls) were laughing pretty obviously and that made me think. Are we so caught up in this heel wearing that we can't see what others see ? I don't think either outfit was that big a deal, but maybe I'm just so used to see it, that I don't see that it looks ridiculous and maybe I would laugh if I saw myself (Actually I wouldn't, but you get the point) ?

Hi Fella

How about showing us what you looked like on these occassions?

Then maybe we can tell you if you did look stupid or looked good?

[Pumps]

Hi Fella

How about showing us what you looked like on these occassions?

Then maybe we can tell you if you did look stupid or looked good?

I was thinking more in the general "Men in heels" sense.

[Dr. Shoe]

Yes we do look a little ridiculous but I think it's a matter of acceptibility really. Some of us wear kind of manly boots with a heel and get no adverse comments (or any comments at all). I mean to say, beige pumps and you wonder why girls were laughing? Also as soon as you start taking photographs of anything at all people will want to know what it is you're taking pictures of and why, then the notice you're a guy in girls' shoes and of course they laugh. If you wear black 3" block heel boots you'll be OK but beige pumps, people will notice and some won't care and others will laugh.

[lorriette]

I often see people do double-takes, or start giggling after seeing my footwear. I think we all understand this, and, for the most part, ignore the looks and comments. Console your nerves by thinking of yourself as a street entertainer; you've made their day, brightened their lives, broadened their horizons. Doesn't it feel great!

[Pumps]

Here we go then....

[Tech]

Here we go then....

The beige pumps =

The black boots =

Beige footwear on any guy stands out anyway, so wearing pumps just looks even less co-ordinated, and I'm not really suprised you got some laughs...

[Skirted-UK]

I was just going to the hairdressers in my beige pumps and the other day I was out photographing in my 4" ankleboots. Both times people (girls) were laughing pretty obviously and that made me think. Are we so caught up in this heel wearing that we can't see what others see ? I don't think either outfit was that big a deal, but maybe I'm just so used to see it, that I don't see that it looks ridiculous and maybe I would laugh if I saw myself (Actually I wouldn't, but you get the point) ?

A lot of women look ridiculous in the stuff that they wear these days, may be we should laugh at them?

[HeelD]

I would've worn the boots. It looks a lot more co-ordinated with what you're wearing. The beige pumps look out of place with that outfit. For a start if I was wearing those pumps I would go for longer jeans and lighter colours on my top half. Personally I don't really like the style of the pumps but that's just me. There's nothing wrong with a guy in pumps it just needs to be co-ordinated enough to work. For what it's worth, I've certainly had double takes and giggles but it doesn't bother me that much as I know my outfit looked good.

[new_look]

i suppose it depends what u want. personally i like to keep a low profile, but its catch 22 cos i enjoy the sounds of noisy heels and styles with pointed toes which are obviously likely to draw the unwanted attention. Low profile would mean a style that looks more or less like a typical blokes shoe at a quick glance, ie a high wedge with round/sq toe, cowboy boot styles or blocks, and probably under longer jeans. That way you are unlikely to be noticed at all and u can go about your happy way heeling in peace minding your own business unaffected. however i know from the meets etc not everyone is like me, some like to display outwardly hi look at me in doing something new stylish and different and wear a trendy outfit with their matching heels, and some like to just wear a noisy pair of yellow stilettos with 3/4 jeans so everyone can see and think sod what everyone thinks. however much we argue that theres maybe nothing wrong with this, ot WILL get easily noticed to most and not everyone in the world is on the same wavelengths and some will take it well, some will giggle. so as i said it depends which of the above you are trying to stand into, and have to accept the effects of each. you original point are we kidding ourselves is a good one i suppose. as Heel D says you can coordinate most outfits to to look fine, but until fashion changes in our favour reality mainly falls with the above examples.

[BoyLegs]

If I recall correctly: "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world, while the unreasonable man expects the world to adapt to him. Thus all progress depends upon the unreasonable man." -- G. B. Shaw

[Marion]

I think that women wearing trainers and sportswear for a party or to go out are looking ridiculous. Of course this is my own opinion and I keep it for myself. I never want to hurt people nor look for trouble, and I don't want to be hurted either. I have nothing to do with narrow-minded people that tease others. Just ignore them. Don't forget it's not only about heels : wear some old "forgotten" fashion style (like Grandmaster flash or Mickael Jackson at their beginnings) and you'll look "ridiculous" to most people in our current society. We (street-)heelers are just out of time or "out of todays fashion", whatever we can call it... I think that wearing heels is both a forgotten-from-the-past and a unbelievable-for-narrow-minded-people fashion for men. Furthermore, as far as I know, most of the heeled shoes for men from the past were thick heels, and that may be one of the clues to understand why men wearing stiletto or thin heels look more unusual/"weird" and, as a consequence, why they are more likely to be teased. I think it is linked with the feeling that stilettos "look" more feminine. But I'm not sure of that last point... just a thought (sorry for the abuse of compound words ; I hope I was clear )

[thedesigner]

Ive got similar shoes too from soulmate an their v comfortable. Heeld is right, get the whole outfit to gel together and it looks cool and natural and original and YOU, not "some bloke wearing heels"

[Pumps]

I would've worn the boots. It looks a lot more co-ordinated with what you're wearing. The beige pumps look out of place with that outfit. For a start if I was wearing those pumps I would go for longer jeans and lighter colours on my top half. Personally I don't really like the style of the pumps but that's just me.

There's nothing wrong with a guy in pumps it just needs to be co-ordinated enough to work.

For what it's worth, I've certainly had double takes and giggles but it doesn't bother me that much as I know my outfit looked good.

I have nothing against people looking weird at me, because it's not very common, but a loud haha laugh can meen 2 things: It really IS hillarious, which I don't think it is or a kind of "Lets laugh real loud so he'll know we'll never accept that look". The latter is probably most likely and will actually make me do it more to prove a point.

About the shoes. The beige ones is my oldest pumps and I chose those because they the least "dramatic". Women here usually don't wear 4" heels to the hairdressers and these pumps are really comfy. The black boots are also comfy and perfect for walking a longer distance.

[HighBoots]

My opinion is that a guy in stilettos looks ridiculous, specially if it's pumps. I think pumps and stiletto heels just aren't for guys, but that's my personal opinion of course. Now I would NEVER laugh at someone wearing stiletto heeled pumps, I'm of the "live and let live" kind. I doubt anyone would laugh at you, or even notice you if you wear black or brown boots with a block, cuban or cowboy heel.

[Thighboots2]

Pumps, You have started an excellent discussion topic. Throwing my 2p worth at the discussion, I must agree with the opening statement of Hghboots. Certainly there are exceptions and our leading light Kneehighs is one of those. We have all read and look forward to the continuing stores that Kneehighs posts in his Adventures thread. But note that these adventures are based around the evening scene and having fun, so therefore it works so much better. Sure, KH does wear stiletto heels in the daytime as we have seen at heel meets, Amsterdam springs to mind. However, I think that stiletto heels -all thin heels for that matter - will remain outside the male footwear because they just look plain wrong and out of scale/proportion. It really is about aesthetics. It is acceptable for any woman to wear stiletto heels - but - if she is overweight (ie Mrs Michelin) then socially it is acceptable for her to wear stilettos, but is just looks plain wrong and opens her to ridicule. I see this is the same for guys and it is only those who enjoy a slender frame that can get away with thin heels. To forward our cause, we should get away from the idea that it is acceptable for men to wear stilettos. That is a long way down the road and too much of a dramatic leap for society to take. Change is a gradual thing. What would be really nice would be for a major shoe manufacturer/retail chain to present men with a lower priced version of the YSL Johnie Boot. IMHO, they would be perfect for the first step, masculine looking, but with an elevated heel. We can drive it, but not if we keep on banging on about us wearing shoes that do not work with our shape. Personally, I wouldn't be seen out in heels that measure less than 1" x 1" (x 3.5" high ) because I do not feel that thinner heels look right for my proportions. You must judge for yourself, but having work heels now daily for 2 years without a second thought or worry, it appears to be right. Now this doesn't mean I dont want to wear stilettos, I do and I do, but for my own pleasure and not for the entertainment of the public at large. TB2

[Mikey63]

In my opinion the key is to avoid pointy toe shoes/boots of any color, its this which seems attract the most bad attention. Round toe stiletto boots work fine, nobody seems to notice, same with block heels which always tend to be square toe. I apologize to any/all of you but this is just my opinion.

[HighBoots]

Cowboy boots have been male footwear for ages (before the women stole them from us too ...) and have pointy toes, I don't see the problem with that at all ...

[Pumps]

Pumps, you are my friend, so I ask this with the greatest possible respect. How do you know they were laughing at you? Was there a cluster of other obvious signals they were giving besides the laughing to suggest they were laughing specifically at your style, and not something someone else added to the conversation?

I know what you mean, but this was pretty obvious. As soon as I walked in the door, they couldn't take my eyes of me and laughed loudly. On the way back girls very laughing loudly just beside me and it sounded like they wanted me to hear them. Kinda evil. The incident the other day was pretty obvious too, but the girls were not that old so that doesn't bother me that much.

Correlation doesn't equal causation. Just because A and B occur at the same time, or one after the other doesn't mean that A caused B.

Besides, these girls were most likely thinking about something else seconds after the incident. Why should you continue filter your memory through this incident? What about the courage it took you to wear your pumps outdoors? What about being true to yourself, and dressing for yourself? What about all the positives that went into your street heeling adventure?

I know. I always wanted to do something like going to the doctor,dentist,optician or hairdresse in pumps, but always chickened out in the last minute.

I can handle people looking surprised. That's to be expected, but if it's so bad that it's ha-ha-funny, I gotta think twice.

My opinion is that the beige shoes look fine, although I would pair them with another color of pants similar to beige to elongate my legs--but that's just me.

Yeah. I've often worn them with my beige chinos. I just think jeans are cooler. Maybe with a brown suede or leather jacket ? They're usually a bit pricey though

The black boots without a doubt look absolutely fine. Pointy flat shoes are the "IN" thing right now in fashion circles, so the front of your shoes actually give your look an edge that is current and up to date.

Looking forward to rooming with you at the World Heel Meet!

Me too. I can't wait.

[Pumps]

In my opinion the key is to avoid pointy toe shoes/boots of any color, its this which seems attract the most bad attention. Round toe stiletto boots work fine, nobody seems to notice, same with block heels which always tend to be square toe.

I apologize to any/all of you but this is just my opinion.

Don't apologize for your opinion. I just don't wan't to wear shoes I don't like to avoid attention. I'd just as well give up womens shoe-styles.

[Pumps]

I used to look in the mirror and think "nah, this looks to weird for a guy", but I rarely do that anymore, so the question is: Are my style getting better or am I just getting used to seeing men in heels ? I know that my current size 43 and 44 looks a lot better than cramming my feet into size 42's and that might make a difference. On other hand if it IS a case of getting use to men in heels, than it should be possible to anyone else too ? I totally get why women don't like it. Men weren't crazy about women in pants either back in the 50's. I just don't get why that don't accept it. I certainly don't like all the clothes women wear, but I don't object to them wearing it. I think Crocs look ridiculous, but I don't laugh out loud at the people wearing them.

[Thighbootguy]

A while back I started thread How do we look to the rest of the world that had some interesting discussion along the line of this thread.

Are we kidding ourselves? I can only answer for myself and I come up with “sometimes”. There are times when I know I’m pushing the limits but there are other times when I really think thigh boots with stiletto heels on a guy are Ok. I’m not sure what swings me one way or the other. It might be the environment I’m in at the time and the reaction I’m getting or it might be how I feel that day (or both).

I really do believe what I have been preaching about looking at yourself in a full length mirror before you go out and really liking what you see. If you don’t like it, how can you expect other to like/accept it?

About the reactions of others… laughing at someone in public is just plain rude. However it may be the only thing some folks know to do when something in the outside world doesn’t correspond with something in their inside world. When folks encounter the unexpected, most people just ignore the outside world, others consider it and accept it (altering their inside world), still others take some action to make the outside world conform to their inside world (this includes laughing).

I find that most folks just ignore a guy in thigh boots, some comment on it, and a few laugh.

Are we kidding ourselves? It depends on why we wear heels and what we expect. At this time in history, guys in heels is not fashionable (fashionable is one of those majority rules things). So when we go out in heels we should expect to be noticed. (Noticed and accepted ate two different things.) So if you go out wearing heels and expect to not be noticed, then you’re kidding yourself.

Why we wear heels is a major discussion thread all by itself that may be the most revealing about “Are we kidding ourselves”.

[tallguyinheels]

Pumps, you broke the rule and didn't match the belt to the heels! LOL I have worn my brown pumps out and about with jeans such as yours. They do seem to get noticed more the by usual black oxfords - b/c I think even from the front (unless the jean's flare covers it) they look like womans heels. The black oxfords I commonly wear usually make someone look twice. I man in the convenience store yesterday had to look three or four times at my shoes. Of course he tried to be discrete. Maybe he was a high heel appreciator on women, and took a while to assure himself of the incongruity. Remember, I'm over 6'8" in the 5" heels and with longer jeans only about an inch shows if I stand still. But, like most of us, we rarely hear outwardly negative outbursts. Once, At the airport concourse it was obvious a mom and teenage daughter sort of scoffed as the hurried past me. I don't think I look incongruous in heels - even stillettos - at all, in fact I think that attention interesting shape - is what got me into wearing heels in the first place. My shorter than proportional legs get into balance with my body when I add those 3+ inches and I nice bootleg jean. And though I'm not slim, I wear my weight well, and I'm down almost 15 pound since early spring!

[gwl1]

I don't think it's the pointed toes or the stiletto heels that got the laughs. It's my observation that, as Thighbootguy has said many times, contrast is what draws attention. The brown pumps have a low throat and expose the tops of your feet, showing your pale skin which contrasts with the dark jeans. If you wore black pumps with opaque black tights or sheer black pantyhose, there would not have been any contrast between the jeans and your feet to draw people's eyes to your feet. Consequently there would not have been laughter or at least not as much. Laughter is a natural reaction to a situation that is incongruous, and I agree that a very obese woman in thin heels would look funny, too, whereas a thin woman would not. I agree with those who suggested that the look was not as well coordinated as it could have been. Darker shoes or at least darker stockings (dark brown to match the shoes) might have made the total package less obvious. Nevertheless, I applaud your courage for going public as you did. If I saw you in public, I would not laugh. I'd go right up to you, introduce myself, and compliment you on the look and your courage to wear what you like! GWL

[micha]

I used to look in the mirror and think "nah, this looks to weird for a guy", but I rarely do that anymore, so the question is: Are my style getting better or am I just getting used to seeing men in heels ? I know that my current size 43 and 44 looks a lot better than cramming my feet into size 42's and that might make a difference.

On other hand if it IS a case of getting use to men in heels, than it should be possible to anyone else too ?

I totally get why women don't like it. Men weren't crazy about women in pants either back in the 50's. I just don't get why that don't accept it. I certainly don't like all the clothes women wear, but I don't object to them wearing it. I think Crocs look ridiculous, but I don't laugh out loud at the people wearing them.

Hi Pumps,

I'm conscious that I'm wearing "womens" shoes on the street. In my opinion my actual style on the street (4'' cowgirl boots) is a nice male footwear but I'm also aware that many people think otherwise.

There isn't anymore the same anger as some years ago when I was pondering "with these heels you will be guaranteed slaughtered on the street...". Today I'm pulling on my boots without any further thoughts and go out for doing my daily purchases. It has become totally normal for me. The young turkish guys have become accustomed to their "pansy guy" and I have switched vice versa one gear back. The last bad comment is almost one year ago. I don't count the less or more ironical comment "Nice shoes!" when I was wearing white wedge sandalettes last summer on the street.

Sometimes my most beloved pansy haters are getting my personal pinpricks: me with overknees over skinny drainpipe jeans walking through little Istanbul. They are hungry for such performances - otherwise life would be simply too dull. That's much better than a talkshow in commercial TV

But I never felt to be ridiculous.

[JeffB]

To be perfectly honest, I see nothing alarmingly wrong with that outfit other than the contrast issue which others have already addressed. God knows I've seen women wear far more horrific outfits in public, stuff that makes me shake my head and mutter "WTF?", but no one laughs at them since they're women and they can wear anything they want without worrying about anything in the way of ridicule. However, men aren't allowed by our narrowminded society to enjoy that same sort of freedom without inviting the same sort of ridicule women easily manage to avoid.

Are we kidding ourselves? Let me respond to that with a question of my own:

"Who gives a sh*t?"

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing that the purpose of this thread centers around the fact that we still have to worry about what the rest of the world thinks about us and what we choose to wear, and the simple fact of the matter is that we shouldn't! Period! So what if people don't agree with us, I don't ask for society's permission to wear what I like, nor do I care if I may look foolish to the world as a whole, or at least to certain closeminded segments of society. As long as I look my very best, regardless of what sort of shoes I wear (and I make damn sure I coordinate), then I know I'm not "kidding myself" when I leave my place on an outing.

And that's it for my rant.

[iloveboots]

Jeff...always have loved your way of stating things. Can't wait to enjoy great conversation and enjoy anew friendship at the Heel Meet in London, we are looking forward to meeting you! david & cathy

[JNR]

Nothing about that outfit is wrong. Everything looks ok to me. The only unusual aspect of that look is that it's a guy wearing pumps. So what?

[Danielinheels]

Nothing about that outfit is wrong. Everything looks ok to me. The only unusual aspect of that look is that it's a guy wearing pumps. So what?

There's plenty wrong with not matching belt to shoes. The actual articles of clothing? Nothing wrong in my eyes, either. It's a point of aesthetics, which in my opinion are compromised. I wouldn't go so far as to laugh, though...

[Bubba136]

There's plenty wrong with not matching belt to shoes. The actual articles of clothing? Nothing wrong in my eyes, either. It's a point of aesthetics, which in my opinion are compromised. I wouldn't go so far as to laugh, though...

Hummm! Let's see. Don't really think he's dressing for any formal occasion or even a hot date. Dressed looking like a plain working stiff to me

Black jacket. Dark (almost black) t-shirt. Blue Jeans...and black belt. Looks like a lot of the "day hire" workers around here. As JNR said in his post, the shoes contrast with the rest of the outfit. However, I've seen many of farmer wearing brown boots with black shirts and jackets and blue jeans. The high heel pumps do stick out like a search light.