How do I tell her?

[HighHeel2]

I am SO addicted to high heels. I love seeing my girlfriend in them. It never gets old. Whether we are out on the town or shes wearing them with lingerie or nothing at all. My problem is I've been wearing high heels in private for over 20 years now and I'm DYING to tell her in hopes that we can share them together in private. How do I tell her? Any advice?!

[meganiwish]

Dare I suggest, just tell her.  Or not.  Why not think about her instead?  That would make you a gentleman and we're suckers for gentlemen.

[Shyheels]

16 minutes ago, meganiwish said:

Dare I suggest, just tell her.  Or not.  Why not think about her instead?  That would make you a gentleman and we're suckers for gentlemen.

Is that honest up-front gentlemen, or sneaky behind the back gentlemen you are thinking of? Which one wins the fair maidens hand - and keeps it?

[meganiwish]

This fair maiden  would go for honest up front every time.

[Shyheels]

I thought so, but your earlier post was ambiguous, could be read both ways.

Of course one could always say nothing, but simply show up at the Bar Mitzvah in patent pink thigh-high stilettos and take it from there...

Edited March 24, 2017 by Shyheels

[Gudulitooo]

On 23/3/2017 at 3:06 AM, meganiwish said:

Why not think about her instead?

So true.

@HighHeel2 Telling her is only seeking your own salvation.

Anyway, this quest - improving your own life - should be pursued, even by gentlemen.

Edited March 24, 2017 by Gudulitooo

[meganiwish]

23 hours ago, Shyheels said:

I thought so, but your earlier post was ambiguous, could be read both ways.

Of course one could always say nothing, but simply show up at the Bar Mitzvah in patent pink thigh-high stilettos and take it from there...

Is Bar Mitzvah still open?  I'd heard it went out of favour.  The bagels were good, but who wants screens showing the 1961 FA Cup final on a loop?

[at9]

Having been to a number of Bar Mitzvahs, including my own, I don't recall seeing any footwear of special note. Neither on men nor women.  Perhaps I mix in the wrong circles. 

[Shyheels]

I was being a bit flippant...

But fronting up at an event like that in patent pink stiletto thigh highs would certainly be a memorable way of introducing your love of heels to your significant other...

Speechless might be the term

Edited March 28, 2017 by Shyheels

[delinata]

I came out to my Wife 5-6 years ago. I just stepped into the room she were in my 6 inch stilettos. She emidetely accepted that this was important for me. Now I can wear heels a whole evening and we both like it.

She is jealous that I can wear up to 7 inch heels without any problem (lot of practice). She likes to but can not.

I want to come to my family as well but Im scarred.

[Charlotte]

In my opinion just being honest is the best policy.  One of 2 things will happen.  Either she will like it and you wil be happier or she doesn't and you find out she's not the right person for you.  I've found out the hard way that a guy was not right for me.  It was better to find out then invest more time in it.

[Shyheels]

Good advice.

[Cali]

7 hours ago, Charlotte said:

In my opinion just being honest is the best policy.  One of 2 things will happen.  Either she will like it and you will be happier or she doesn't and you find out she's not the right person for you.  I've found out the hard way that a guy was not right for me.  It was better to find out then invest more time in it.

Charlotte - how would you react? Would you be okay with it? If you have limits/conditions, what are they?

The trouble with "just being honest" is too many women can't take it. And extremely very few over the age of 55. Many women are jealous that a man can walk in high heels as if it was tennis/running shoes (British translation: trainers), especially if they can't. Many women have "norms" embedded in them that prevents them being okay with this (aka lemmings). And most of the women that are okay with it, but not for their boyfriends.  It's tough to be "honest' up front, over 60, and dating.  I'm up front with it because have no choice since I wear heels most of the time.

 

This thread is from March, so it begs the question: Did you tell her yet?

 

Edited September 9, 2017 by Cali

[Charlotte]

Personally It wouldn't be a turn on for me if my man wore heels.  The question is would you give up that fetish for the right woman? (If she was compatible with most of your other desires). If not, the fact that some woman won't like it is irrelevant.  You would need to find one of the ones ok with it and  you would be unhappy untill you find that person.

So, as I said before, be honest before you invest to much time.  Also try darting sites that cater to your preferences so your odds are better.  This is not a dateing site, but sites like Fetlife might have more girls into guys in heels.

[Shyheels]

Your assumption is that it is a fetish - for many on this site it is more about fashion and style.

[Charlotte]

2 minutes ago, Shyheels said:

Your assumption is that it is a fetish - for many on this site it is more about fashion and style.

I assumed that because it's a guy wearing heels.  I could be wrong though.  I kinda thought it was stronger the a fashion statement if it such a big deal.

[Shyheels]

8 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

I assumed that because it's a guy wearing heels.  I could be wrong though.  I kinda thought it was stronger the a fashion statement if it such a big deal.

Not necessarily - breaking with traditions is quite a big deal and fraught with social dangers, especially for a guy. A woman can shop in the menswear section - as many do - and buy and wear what she likes without being questioned or judged. Men do not enjoy that reciprocal freedom or have that privilege - one crosses boundaries at one's peril.  

Edited September 9, 2017 by Shyheels

[CAT]

As many of you have seen my pics my heels are a fashion and look that I love to be dressed in.  It is not a fetish 

[Cali]

1 hour ago, Charlotte said:

The question is would you give up that fetish for the right woman?

Sorry Charlotte, for me it pain relief, not a fetish. You wear your heels in more of a fetish way (locked,  etc.) than some of the men here.

Would I give it up...NEVER. After over a decade in constant pain, to accidentally find something that is drug free, NEVER!!!!!! 

 

Charlotte I not trying to "beat up on you", just trying to educate you that not every man in heels is doing it for a fetish reason.

Edited September 9, 2017 by Cali

[bambam]

Hate to say it, but Cali has a great point. I'm a 26 year old man living in Los Angeles, where you would think lots of progressive people would be, but as soon as a progressive woman is confronted with something like that, she starts saying she is old fashioned, and likes the 'old ways'. It's very cruel, and hypocritical to boot.

[Charlotte]

 Fetish or not, if you're not willing to give it up then it's best to let them know before you get too involved.

[Cali]

 

1 hour ago, Charlotte said:

if you're not willing to give it up then it's best to let them know before you get too involved

That's why I show up in 4+ inch open-toe wedges. There's no hiding your heels when you wear shorts. 

2 hours ago, bambam said:

as soon as a progressive woman is confronted with something like that, she starts saying she is old fashioned, and likes the 'old ways'. It's very cruel, and hypocritical to boot.

Women say they want a guy who can think out of the box until confronted by out of the box thinking. I've been a research scientist where there was no "box".

[jeremy1986]

On ‎25‎/‎03‎/‎2017 at 0:09 PM, at9 said:

Having been to a number of Bar Mitzvahs, including my own, I don't recall seeing any footwear of special note. Neither on men nor women.  Perhaps I mix in the wrong circles. 

Going to one tonight. Will let you know what I see

 

[SF]

From my experience, it is probably best to just tell her. I have been attracted to gals shoes all my life, not sure why, but I just have been. I began to wear gals shoes (flats) when in high school and more when I went away to college. When I met my wonderful wife to be I was regularly wearing gals flat sandals. She questioned my footwear choices but stayed with me. We even bought some matching sandals that we wore together. None of my (our) friends ever said anything critical.  

I got the "high heel bug" about 10 years after we got married. Long story that has been discussed here previously, one day I tried on a pair of heeled sandals, loved them and never looked back!!  

I knew I intended  to wear the heels in public and did not want to keep that from my wife, so when I got home, I put the heels on and casually walked over to her.  When she saw the heels she seemed shocked / surprised but did not freak out.  Another long story, but I was up front and told her that I liked the look and feel of high heels and intended to explore wearing heeled sandals.  

Fortunately , she was somewhat OK with my explanation and went along.  Run the clock ahead almost 20 years, I am still wearing gals shoes, both flats and heels on a regular basis with the same wonderful and understanding spouse.  I know I am lucky, but I have to believe that just being honest and up front initially helped to avoid any conflicts.  

I wish you and your girlfriend the best of luck.     sf

 

[Paintedtoes]

If you don't tell her it will build up in side you and will explode. 

[Dutchbootman]

know the feeling, i had luck mine first wife cought me in here boots, and since then its very easy. Mine girlfriend i tell in the begin, i like to wear boots, with high heels. Okay np i think was here answer, and she i totally fine with it. So mine advice is tell here, she is also wearing heels, dont know if you fit them, you can start with a joke, could i wear them, most girlfriends have np with that, its funny so see here man struggle in heels, and then you could build up from that, with a joke the feel fine, or something like that. You have a heartbeat over 200 that will be normal.

 

But the best thing you could do is tell. And if she no accepted it, its hard but then she is not your dream wife, and i could know mine second thought i was gay, so no boots. Whas the hard 4.5 years of mine life, no boots wearing.

[Rhys]

Just tell her. Best to be open about it, keeping it to yourself will only make things worse. Trust me, I’ve been there.