The Next Steps

[Impala]

Here I am again, with more questions. I hope I do not bore you. I told my parents about my heel habit about 1.5 months ago, when they found a shoe package that was delivered to me. I explained it as a high heel fetish, which it is partly, and they didn't really understand how and why. When alone with my mother, she talked about it a few times. She mostly asks if it is just a period, something that will go away eventually. She asks it in a way, clearly showing that she doesn't really like my heeling and would rather have it all stop. After reading posts on this forum, I am sure that it won't go away. I love it too much. I already told them that there is no problem at all with me, my sexual preferences or my mind. Still, they worry (about stuff like, what are you going to do when you have a girlfriend?) For now, I only wear heels when I'm home alone, or when I'm studying and sure that I won't be disturbed. Though better than nothing, I still would like to wear them more often. I would love to have my parents accept it and just be able to walk around in heels whenever I feel like doing it, but I'm pretty sure they wouldn't accept it. Another problem: My sister still doesn't know anything about it. My parents told me to keep it secret for her, they think she won't be able to handle such a strange thing as her brother in heels. I will have to tell her eventually, but when? So my question to you is: What could I do to get acceptance for what I do? Should I just wear heels more often and get caught on purpose, so that they will get used to the sight? Or should I just tell them that this is how I feel good, a part of me. Happy heeling! Joris.

[Shafted]

It looks like you might be already on the road to acceptance. You are certainly capable of establishing yourself in heels. You are actually in an enviable position. You have come out to your family. This is a huge step.

[Impala]

I know it's not a secret anymore, but it still seems quite disliked by my family. I guess I'll just wear them openly one time and see their reaction.

[Rick24]

you have the right to wear what you want not care for any ones feelings. we can't keep living in a world where women are free to wear what they want and men must be pushed around like little dogs. females are the biggest at hypocrisy on equality, I am a man that want's his freedom to wear what makes him feel happy,

[hhboots]

I think you are doing the right thing. You've already taken the biggest step, so they may not really accept it, but that will get better in time, just be patient. Also, you are right, your strong feelings about heels will probably never go away, most people here will attest to that. Anyway, I wouldn't push things with your parents too fast, that could backfire, and you probably should do as they wish and keep it from your sister, for now. Not sure how young she is compared to you, but maybe wait until she at least somewhat closer to your current age to tell her about it, unless something happens to make it happen sooner.

[Steve63130]

One of the biggest things you could do is convince your parents that you are not the only male that is like this (there's strength in numbers). You are not dysfunctional. You are just different. BUT...you have thousands of friends and acquaintances here that feel exactly as you do, and you fit right in. You could tell your parents about this site at some point in time, and talk about it as a support group. We help each other with issues, questions, problems, and concerns, and we discuss those things that are important to all of us or just some of us. We're all in this together, and our goal is to be a happy and supportive family. When you bring up the subject with them, you might offer to show them this site if they are interested, and let them see it for themselves. You can also look through some of the older threads on this site for newspaper and blog articles about how men in heels is a coming fashion. Print them out and at some point, share them with your parents and indicate that you're just a pioneer - a fashion-forward guy who is onto the future before most people. Another thing I think you can do is wear your heels in your bedroom with the door closed. If anyone comes into your room, they are on your turf, and unless your parents specifically ask you not to wear them there (it is their house after all), you should be able to wear what you want on your turf. Your parents are probably concerned that your interest in heels is just the start of crossdressing and that you will want to wear more and more feminine clothing. If that's not the case, establish it up front so they are no longer concerned. But if it is, I would just not divulge it now. You've given them plenty to worry about as it is. My guess is that your mother is probably more accepting of your wearing heels than your father, but I may be wrong. If she is, you might discuss heels with her once in a while, offer to go shopping to help her buy shoes, ask her to go shopping with you to buy heels...do things that would bond with her and display your love for her, especially since she has already accepted your heel wearing. Be a loving son and you will be amazed at how other things won't matter. After all, they're just shoes. Don't refer to wearing heels as a fetish. Call it a hobby. It sounds a lot less intimidating that way, in my opinion. Good luck, and don't be shy about telling us about your successes and setbacks. No one can promise you a trouble-free path, but we can safely say you're in for an interesting ride. Steve

[Curt]

Why don't you tell your sister? She might like it! All women like fashion, right? Your sister might take your side and your parents will ease up. My brothers girlfriend sticks up for me when my mom starts giving me that euroflash GQ type speech.

[hiheellover23]

Don't shove your views down their throat you have to gradually ease those details in. As far as your sister try to go shopping with your sister and when you get to the shoe department ask her what she thinks about certain types of shoes and eventually throw your opinions and just see what happens from there. It is one thing to express yourself but it is also one thing to express yourself in their household. You have to get your own place that way you can express yourself however way that you see fit. I hope that this little bit helps.

[ilikekicks]

you have the right to wear what you want not care for any ones feelings.

The problem is hes 17. He lives under his parents roof. Its their house and their ' rules '.

Im quite sure he has the right to do as he chooses so long as it harms nobody else. The problem is though : Its not his world. Not his house. Its the parents ' rights ' to their own home and the restrictions they place upon it.

The wife and I have had this conversation in regards to children of our own. If it happens someday, there will be some restrictions as all parents have. In ones own home, there is a limit of what will be allowed and what wont. Its different for all.

These are very wise words :

Don't shove your views down their throat you have to gradually ease those details in. As far as your sister try to go shopping with your sister and when you get to the shoe department ask her what she thinks about certain types of shoes and eventually throw your opinions and just see what happens from there. It is one thing to express yourself but it is also one thing to express yourself in their household. You have to get your own place that way you can express yourself however way that you see fit. I hope that this little bit helps.

<aybe wait for the sister to come around while wearing some nice shoes and compliment her about them. State to her " Those are very nice. Maybe I should get a pair for myself? " and see her response. Let it build from there.

[Histiletto]

Hey! jorisken123, Not too long ago, making such declarations to parents would have meant an immediate confinement to your room and followed by a number of trips to a church leader or psychologist to correct your perceptions and possibly sinful behaviors. The world has changed a bit so that you were able to even consider mentioning such desires and activities to others, especially your parents. My question is: Is this the first time that either one of your parents were made aware of your desire to wear heels or had you been caught in other instances, so to speak, before your initial statements to them? My parents were aware of my wanting to wear "girl's" shoes from the time I was a toddler, but the conversations concerning my activities never happened unless I provoked my sister by taking her dress shoes and wearing them. Even then, it was just a disciplinary happening and was soon hushed, never be openly discussed at least to me. I guess they felt ashamed that my wanting to wear "heels" as a male was in their household and they didn't know what to do except to figure that it was a phase I would grow out of. Well, I'm still heeling with my own selections now. Sometimes I wonder, if the practice of wearing heels was also a male choice, would I have become so obsessive or would male heeling be seen in a similar light as women see their wearing of heels?

[aussieheels1]

joirisken123... good for you..... you have made a huge step and have done something a lot of us in the forum is still struggling to do..... I'm definitely not one to give advice as I have failed to tell my parents and is constantly concern that they may run into me wearing heels..... but I can tell you that you are probably correct in thinking that your interest is not likely to go away. I have had a conflict with my wanting to wear heels (and cross dress to some degree) for so long and keep buying and throwing things out ... it took me so long to appreciate that this is a part of me and I need to accept it and move on and see where it takes me. Like the others, I was wondering how old your sister is, as I would think that she may be one of your best support (assuming you are close... and also you would know her personality more than us). If she is younger than maybe your parents is right in asking you not to tell her as yet. I'm sure your parents will take time to accept this... in fact it's not even a matter of acceptance, they probably have so may things going through their mind before it gets there. Again all parent is different, but being a parent myself, I can tell you if my son want to wear heels (ior tell me he's gay or anything that is not accepted as norm), my first thought is about protecting him to make sure he will not get picked on and then it might come to thinking about whether it's my fault in how we brought him up (whether I have influence him to do so or missed signs earlier on).... so I think it does take a bit of time until acceptance come around.... hopefully you will get your family support but I do agree with others, let's not push it for a little while and see whether they will bring it up with you or it get brushed under the carpet. Histletto - I had similar experience as you and had the same thought that if heels (or feminie clothes) are accepted as norm for male to wear, would I be as obsessive with heels etc.... my current thinking is.... I have no idea..... this is always one that puzzled me..... I keep thinking that if it is widely accepted than I would wear heels whenever I want and probably dressed a lot more feminine but then again if it is generally accepted, then there's no such thing as feminine so the whole argument just collapse on itself..... something we'll never find out i guess....

[Impala]

To answer your questions: My sister has just turned 16, so she was still 15 when my parents told me. A problem is that she is not at all interested in heels (she is more like a straight-edge, alternative hippie) and she doesn't own a single pair of heels. (also, we're not THAT close) Shopping with her (or my mother) would just seem ridiculous, as I have actually always disliked shopping in general. That's again one of the reasons my parents didn't understand it. They didn't get how I, with no interests whatsoever in fashion, would be interested in wearing heels. My father once walked into the bathroom when I was brushing my teeth in heels. I don't know if he saw them or not, but he didn't mention anything. I just took them off, finished brushing my teeth and took the shoes to my room. If he did see it, it would mean that he made no problem about it. He must have really not been paying attention if he hadn't noticed. I'll see what happens the next time I am "caught". I have one more thing to ask that I forget to mention when starting this topic. I currently own 2 pair of heels but I'm not yet happy with my collection. I want to buy a pair that I can wear outside of the house without being noticed, preferably some wedge sneakers, but my mother has told my that I shouldn't buy any more. She's again afraid that it might change into an obsession. Should I keep to her limit, or buy them and tell her it's the last pair, or just hide them really well? Thanks for the replies!

[LuvyourShoes]

Its crazy how its an "obsession" for us guys... for women... meh... normal girlie stuff!! :-)

[Steve63130]

I don't think it will change into an obsession. It already is! I think you should be totally honest and trust in your mother. If it's your parents' money given to you as an allowance, then I think you should obey their wishes. But if you earned the money, I think you should tell your mother than you thought about it, and there is a pair of heels that you want to get with YOUR money, and what does she think of them? Get her in on the decision making and do all you can to engage her in discussion and conversation. Show her you've done your homework and have found the best price. Impress on her that you're spending responsibly. You want her to know you better so she isn't afraid of what she might imagine about your unusual hobby. Conversation and good communication will help you bond with her and that's a good thing. She needs to understand you better. Remember, children come without a manual, so she's trying to understand you. Help her out. Steve

[Histiletto]

In the period of my toddlerhood, I became focused on the type of footwear that appealed to me. Not being able to have an open satisfaction contributed to an early obsession. Another factor that added to this fanatic state was having to hide my desire even when heels were paraded right in front of me in the course of events, occasions, or any other miscellaneous circumstances. No matter what I was doing before, when certain styles came into my notice, I would do any kind of strategy to keep them in sight for as long as possible and continue with the immediate activity. Then when possible, I would seek them out if they were still with in an area I could peruse without bringing attention to my activity. As an example: When I was young enough and the occasion was a church meeting, I would pretend to be tired and lay down on the floor. In this position, I could survey the area to see if my desired focus could be seen from that location. If so, then I would enjoy the view(s) and wish they were mine until my eye lids really got heavy. If not, then I would just go to sleep, while in my mind I would fantasize wearing the selection(s).

[HappyinHeels]

jorisken123,

I think you should pay close attention to what both ilikekicks and Steve63130 said.

ilikekicks pointed out your age and that you live with your parents in THEIR house which means you should respect what they have to say.

Steve63130 suggested you print out some articles about men in heels and show them or let your parents read different threads from this website. If they wanted to know more you could PM me and I would reply back (in English or French). This is all about helping you to help them. Very soon you'll be of legal age and perhaps a short time afterwards living on your own so how you deal with this now may well detemine how well you deal with it later. We're here to help that's for sure. HappyinHeels

[Curt]

Its their house and you have to go by their rules. Would it work the other way around? After you move out anbd you visit your parents in their house, can you wear your heels there? I did it but had no choice because I wore heels and forgot to bring some flats. I knew they were going to flip. I come inside and sat in their reclining chair. All of my 4.5" heels were exposed. My mom took a long stare, I thought time stood still. My dad walked in and asked if I took them from a stripper at the stripclub. I told them that I can wear them because I'm too cool for school. They started laughing. My mom absolutely hates it. If I was born a girl, there would be no problem. I explained to them that guys shoes are lame and boring. Here's an interesting question. Ask any female this and you'll get the same answer. What if women weren't allowed to wear heels anymore and had to wear mens shoes that all look alike, would you do it, or go up against the system and keep wearing heels? Of course women will be wearing heels! That's the difference between women and men. Women don't give a shit what others think. That's what we should do. Wear what you want. I've never had a woman hate my dress except for my mom. Men hate it! They feel threatened somehow. Maybe they're worried their wives will force them to dress like us.

[Impala]

Today I put a pair of my shoes under my desk. My mom walked in to my room and started asking about my weekend. I had been gone for 2 days to some kind of christian event and she had some questions. She noticed the hidden shoes and commented: what a nice pair of shoes you have there. It was not meant to compliment me, but clearly intended as a pun. She said she hadn't seen that pair before, which surprised me, because I'm quite sloppy in hiding my heels and she already once mentioned to me that she found a pair of heels. Anyways, we talked about my day and when she was about to leave the room I pointed at the shoes and asked what she thought about the whole heel thing. She said that she doesn't really know what to think about it. When I first told my parents about my heeling, about a month ago, I explained it as a fetish, which it was back then. I explained how it was just something that I turned me on. I didn't really want to talk about it by then, I was very insecure, so I didn't really explain a lot. By now, it has evolved into like a hobby, something I enjoy doing without the sexual meanings. It still excites me, but less. I just love to wear heels, simple as that! My mother however still thought it was about that and asked me if I did weird (sexual) things with them (I'm not going to give you the exact words) but I said no, actually it's never been like that. I said I just like to wear heels, like some women do. I told her it isn't a normal habit, obviously, but it isn't that bad either. I don't hurt anybody. She asked me: where is the limit? She said that if I find this all normal and acceptable, why don't I just go to school in heels (sarcasm all the way!). I told her society has some strange rules. She also (again) asked what I would do later on in life, when finding a partner. Like I have seen on this forum, combining heels and a wife seems possible, but then again, you must be lucky to find the right wife. After all the conclusion was that she hasn't formed a final opinion about it yet. She's not really supportive, but she doesn't seem to hate it. I had already briefly mentioned this forum before but didn't really talk about it now. I might do it later on. She ended the discussion by telling that if I wanted to, I could always talk about this some more with her. I hope to get into a laissez faire-laissez passer-kind of relation (which means you let me do whatever I desire and you don't do anything about it as long as it doesn't do any damage). I still have to tell my sister about it sometime, I'll do it when I cleared it out with my parents. Happy heeling!

[Impala]

one more question: When talking about it with my mom, I could clearly see that she disapproved the idea of me going out of the house in heels. The problem is that I am planning on doing so. I ordered a pair of hidden heels, but if my mom would find out about them she would probably react badly (maybe with bad consequences, now that everything is just going well). She already told me not to buy anymore heels. Owning 2 pairs is enough, she says. Should I just hide the heels well and only heel outside of the house when I'm home alone? I guess I'll wait some weeks until the stress about heels has dropped and I can talk more openly about it. I don't think I'll ever be allowed to just put my heels openly in the shoe rack, but maybe I won't have to hide them anymore.

[Steve63130]

She ended the discussion by telling that if I wanted to, I could always talk about this some more with her.

Happy heeling!

Right there is your key to success! The door is always open. She wants more dialogue to understand you better, and by talking with her, you are communicating, building a bridge instead of a moat, and "bonding" with her. She is reaching out for you, she is clearly perplexed, she is probably worried that your interests might take you where she thinks you should not go, and she may be concerned for your safety, too. Talk about it. A lot! Understand where she is coming from and try to come up with ways to compromise that meet both of your needs.

By going outside with heels before she has a chance to adapt to the "new normal" you present, you are disrespecting her comfort zone. Don't do it. There is no harm in waiting until she has a chance to adjust to where you are now. Don't push the envelope too fast. Stay indoors. Wear your heels more inside the house; inside your room if she wants it that way. Get better at walking in heels before you venture outside. Continue the dialogue, and get your mother to become comfortable with where you are now. Later you can show her the shoes with hidden heels and discuss going out in them, and even try it out in a mall with her. Let her walk with you or better yet, let her walk behind you and see how well you've mastered the art of walking gracefully, and let her see if others take notice. Let her video your walk so you can see how graceful or awkward you look. My guess is that others won't notice and she'll realize what we've been preaching all along. "It's just shoes."

Good luck and keep posting! You're making great progress and you have a golden opportunity to move forward with your mother's blessing and support. How cool would that be!

Steve

[Lvemadomina]

I ordered a pair of hidden heels, but if my mom would find out about them she would probably react badly (maybe with bad consequences, now that everything is just going well).

Not necessarily, I have a pair of embedded wedge shoes and I've worn them out in public before and I think as long she doesn't see the inside of the shoe were it's sloped it's really unnoticeable. I'll be honest, my parents don't know about my two pairs of heels (cause I'm also scared to tell them...) but I've worn the hi-tops around them and they have no clue. My pumps remain hidden though...

I saw the one post you made I think in "hidden heels" and btw they're nice! But if they can believe you that they're typical shoes, you'll be golden. It helps even more if the size is close to your normal men's size cause strangely enough I'm a mens US 10 and my wedge tops are womens US 11 and they fit just fine. I like the little mustang on the bottom rear of the shoe, it looks sick! And just one quick tip, I find laced sneakers look better if the tied portion is tucked into the shoe. But that's just me.

I hope it all continues to go well for you!

[Thighbootguy]

jorisken123

There is no harm in waiting until she has a chance to adjust to where you are now. Don't push the envelope too fast. Stay indoors. Wear your heels more inside the house; inside your room if she wants it that way.

My 102 year old aunt used to say, "Quality work takes time". I think that is still sage wisdom.

Steve's additional advice about practicing walk in heels is also good. The only thing I would add to practice is more practice.

TBG

[Steve63130]

Thanks, TBG! Steve

[Impala]

Not necessarily, I have a pair of embedded wedge shoes and I've worn them out in public before and I think as long she doesn't see the inside of the shoe were it's sloped it's really unnoticeable. I'll be honest, my parents don't know about my two pairs of heels (cause I'm also scared to tell them...) but I've worn the hi-tops around them and they have no clue. My pumps remain hidden though...

The big problem is: I have always been incredibly uninterested in fashion or buying shoes. I would only go to buy shoes or clothes if I really needed them, my parents going with, and them paying for the shoes. If I'd say "Hi, I bought a pair of shoes for myself because I like them, and I paid them with my own money", they'd give me a really weird look and certainly check the shoes. Just today, when having a walk with my parents, I refused to go to any kind of clothing store because I said I didn't need anything.

It's actually very strange how something like me, with no interest whatsoever in fashion, loves heels. I wear anything that fits and feels well and is not too expensive. how it looks doesn't matter to me. But it does matter to me when it comes to heels. I might however just try to wear them when going somewhere with them, and see how it turns out. They might be surprised in a positive OR negative way.

and thanks for the compliment on the shoes, I also love them!

[Shafted]

Just remember that fashion is one of the keys to successful public heeing.

[Impala]

I'm not really blessed with a great fashion sense, but I think nobody will have a problem with it if I take some more attention to the choice of my outfit. My parents (especially my mother) would LOVE it! Maybe, hopefully, she could link this to heels and be even more open to my heeling! I could try this, showing myself in a "better" outfit won't have any negative effect either. Thanks for the advice!

[Lvemadomina]

The big problem is: I have always been incredibly uninterested in fashion or buying shoes

It's actually very strange how something like me, with no interest whatsoever in fashion, loves heels.

There's nothing strange about it. I used to be the same way. But I changed up my style one day and BOOM I swear I turned into a fashionista lol. I love shopping now and everything. So who knows I mean I think my parents are onto something sometimes, but they know my orientation is straight so I think that's all they care about. I'm still keeping my heels a secret but at the same time, prepared to have the talk if they discover them. It's good you're able to have that now, I feel some serious repercussions if/when my secret gets out to them.

But I guess what I'm trying to say is don't feel strange about anything. If you develop a fashion-ized (I guess) attitude, it's totally cool. Girls love it, and guys too (Idk what your views are so I'm being neutral) I hope that kinda helped, I know I was probably wayyy off topic..

[Impala]

No, it really helped! I'm not planning to turn into a complete fashionista (if I'm a man, wouldn't it be fashionistO or something?), but some more effort on my looks could do well.

[wedgemao]

remember that it is never too late to develope some fashion sense and work your style...maybe in some years you wil be a fashion addict :

[Impala]

i highly doubt it