Does height really matter?

[Gige]

I have been thinking about this post for a while and promise to try and keep it on point. When I started wearing heels, the height of the heel was what was important – the higher the better and I always went for 4.5” – 5.” The style of the heel did not matter whether it was a stiletto, block, wedge, or some other form.  I loved such high heels because there was a certain irresistible and indescribable feeling of just being able to walk on a heel that I found to be so horribly alluring. Fast forward to November 2023 when I started wearing heels out in public. I started with 4” block heels in order to get comfortable with doing so and to date, have only worn a higher heel out to an event just once. When I started wearing heels to work earlier this year, 3” – 3.5” seemed to be a good start but for me, 4” is the limit for my own personal reasons (do not want to restart the what is/is not work appropriate debate).

I have always felt that I wanted that which I was wearing to compliment the heels I chose for the day. I never felt comfortable wearing “guy” clothing with heels and as a result, began wearing feminine clothing with any pair of heels while out in public. To me, and speaking only for myself and not to offend anyone, most heels are alluring but “guy” clothes are boring and drab, thus, the two types of clothing are not compatible for my tastes.  As I realized that my style of clothing to wear with my heels was starting to take shape, I began shopping for heels that matched the outfit in terms of color, style, and practicality; heel height became secondary. Thus, the height of the heel started not to matter so much anymore. Not to get off-topic, I will wear “guy” lounging clothes around my place when I have a new part of heels that need a bit of “breaking in” time before they are worn out in public.

Soon, I began to feel a sense of comfort and fulfillment in the entire outfit even if I was only wearing kitten heels provided that what I was wearing with them reflected my sense of ‘haute couture.’ I, for example, love the look of tailored wide-leg pants with either a kitten heel or a shorter heeled animal print pump. Such reflects a certain sophisticated and classic elegance, a ‘je na sais quoi’ about it. The summers in my part of the world, however, can be quite unforgiving on some days which wreaks havoc on my feet; heels that fit today will not fit tomorrow if it is hot and humid. Fun and useless fact – one acre of corn stalks releases 2-3k gallons of water vapor (humidity) when they are short of maturity.

When the heat takes hold, I opt for my Vans as I have several pairs in many colors which allow me to easily match those shoes to either my pants/skirt or top. Likewise, I have a very comfortable pair of loafers that are probably one of the most comfortable pairs of non-trainers I own. When I go this route of shoe choice, I still feel as great as I do when I am wearing a pair of heels out in public provided that the outfit looks great and my accessories match.  Thus, I have come to realize that as much as heels are an expression of whom I am, I can still do so without having to wear 5” stilettos or the like.  So, I have to ask if the height of the heel really matters?

[Shyheels]

I don’t think it does. I think at the outset the sheer novelty of wearing heels and the satisfying sense of daring in doing so makes higher and racier heels - the five-inch stiletto - seem very attractive. But as you grow more into the idea of wearing heels, and make that a part of your natural look and style, your tastes will evolve and you’ll choose heels that work well with what you’re wearing and be less fixated on how high the heels are. Your relationship with wearing heels will be more like women’s relationship with them - a stylish accessory to complete a look, whatever that look may be.

when I first started wearing heels I really fancied the idea of wearing thigh boots. Now I’m not really interested in them - they just don’t work with my personal style, which is boots and jeans, knee and ankle boots mainly. Less theatre and lower heels - my favourites being 3.5” block heels.

I like stilettos and am pleased that I own a couple pair, including some 12cm ones, but they are not my natural style - fun to wear on occasion, but not really “me”. I do like OTK boots but only just over the knee - and again in styles that work well with jeans and guy clothes. It’s the overall look that matters not heel height or an overemphasis on footwear 

 

 

[mlroseplant]

In a word, yes. While I also will not (generally) wear heels with any old guy clothes, I am also not ready to delve into anything that is not bifurcated on the bottom. How this is different or more radical than wearing Daisy Dukes with heels, I am not sure, but it feels more radical.

Back on point, I have got to where I am rather gradually over a number of years, and I have landed on 4 - 4.5" as the height that feels right to me. Absolute heel heel height is not as important to me as the steepness. I would never wear a 4 inch heel that had a 1 inch platform. Not only does it look kind of weird, it doesn't have the right feel to it. If for some reason the only thing available were 3 inch heels, I probably wouldn't even bother, to be honest. That's why I never really got into the Nike Sky High Dunks. Not enough lift to them.

[Jkrenzer]

I wear what I feel for me are a combination of good looking and comfortable. I typically wear 12 to 13 cm heels, usually narrow stilettos. Like Melrose, I don't wear dresses, skirts, etc. I like "guy" clothes with heels. Your very comments suggest you believe heels are just for women and to wear them you must look like one. I'm not the only one here who doesn't agree with that viewpoint. 

All that said keep wearing what you feel is best for you.

[Shyheels]

Adding to my earlier reply, I think heels look quite good with men’s clothes - otherwise I wouldn’t wear them. I’ve no interest at all in anything else from the women’s side if the shop, just the heels, and then just the styles that appeal to me.

[pebblesf]

2 hours ago, mlroseplant said:

In a word, yes. While I also will not (generally) wear heels with any old guy clothes, I am also not ready to delve into anything that is not bifurcated on the bottom. How this is different or more radical than wearing Daisy Dukes with heels, I am not sure, but it feels more radical.

Back on point, I have got to where I am rather gradually over a number of years, and I have landed on 4 - 4.5" as the height that feels right to me. Absolute heel heel height is not as important to me as the steepness. I would never wear a 4 inch heel that had a 1 inch platform. Not only does it look kind of weird, it doesn't have the right feel to it. If for some reason the only thing available were 3 inch heels, I probably wouldn't even bother, to be honest. That's why I never really got into the Nike Sky High Dunks. Not enough lift to them.

Yeah, wish the sky high dunks had more lift for sure, would still love to wear them though

11 hours ago, Gige said:

I have been thinking about this post for a while and promise to try and keep it on point. When I started wearing heels, the height of the heel was what was important – the higher the better and I always went for 4.5” – 5.” The style of the heel did not matter whether it was a stiletto, block, wedge, or some other form.  I loved such high heels because there was a certain irresistible and indescribable feeling of just being able to walk on a heel that I found to be so horribly alluring. Fast forward to November 2023 when I started wearing heels out in public. I started with 4” block heels in order to get comfortable with doing so and to date, have only worn a higher heel out to an event just once. When I started wearing heels to work earlier this year, 3” – 3.5” seemed to be a good start but for me, 4” is the limit for my own personal reasons (do not want to restart the what is/is not work appropriate debate).

I have always felt that I wanted that which I was wearing to compliment the heels I chose for the day. I never felt comfortable wearing “guy” clothing with heels and as a result, began wearing feminine clothing with any pair of heels while out in public. To me, and speaking only for myself and not to offend anyone, most heels are alluring but “guy” clothes are boring and drab, thus, the two types of clothing are not compatible for my tastes.  As I realized that my style of clothing to wear with my heels was starting to take shape, I began shopping for heels that matched the outfit in terms of color, style, and practicality; heel height became secondary. Thus, the height of the heel started not to matter so much anymore. Not to get off-topic, I will wear “guy” lounging clothes around my place when I have a new part of heels that need a bit of “breaking in” time before they are worn out in public.

Soon, I began to feel a sense of comfort and fulfillment in the entire outfit even if I was only wearing kitten heels provided that what I was wearing with them reflected my sense of ‘haute couture.’ I, for example, love the look of tailored wide-leg pants with either a kitten heel or a shorter heeled animal print pump. Such reflects a certain sophisticated and classic elegance, a ‘je na sais quoi’ about it. The summers in my part of the world, however, can be quite unforgiving on some days which wreaks havoc on my feet; heels that fit today will not fit tomorrow if it is hot and humid. Fun and useless fact – one acre of corn stalks releases 2-3k gallons of water vapor (humidity) when they are short of maturity.

When the heat takes hold, I opt for my Vans as I have several pairs in many colors which allow me to easily match those shoes to either my pants/skirt or top. Likewise, I have a very comfortable pair of loafers that are probably one of the most comfortable pairs of non-trainers I own. When I go this route of shoe choice, I still feel as great as I do when I am wearing a pair of heels out in public provided that the outfit looks great and my accessories match.  Thus, I have come to realize that as much as heels are an expression of whom I am, I can still do so without having to wear 5” stilettos or the like.  So, I have to ask if the height of the heel really matters?

So many variables to consider indeed!  Either combination can work, or fail miserably.  For me, I love combining my heels with "guy clothing".   I would consider a few items from the womens' side of the aisle, but don't think my old dad bod could pull off the look.  I recently bought a few pairs of women's leggings, I think they look good with my new Aldo cowgirl boots and my latest "Hunter tall gloss black refined boots".   I guess I need to snap a few pictures and get some other opinions....

[Bubba136]

My wife used to tell me that shoes were accessories. She chose the shoes that matched or accented the outfit she was wearing.  Women’s shoes don’t have to have high heels to look feminine.  In her more mature years, she would often wear very girly styles with kitten heels and look smashingly sexy.  She often told me that she would leave wearing higher stilettos to me because she found them to be uncomfortable.  As for me, I love wearing heels.  In my. 30’s and 40’s my normal shoes had 5” heels and I enjoyed occasionally wearing higher heels.  Now that I’m enjoying my 60’s, I very rarely wear heels higher than 4” anymore.   My main interest has always been “Girls Shoes”, not looking like a girl.  

But, back on point, you’re evolutionary process is probably normal.  Transitioning from pure male appearance to a male wearing female garments in public has elements of your being comfortable at the same time as your overcoming your apprehension about your appearance not being acceptable.  It’s a long process.  Being a female is a complex process.  There is a lot more to think about, especially if you want to appear only slightly feminine.  One step at a time!
 

 

[pebblesf]

28 minutes ago, Bubba136 said:

My wife used to tell me that shoes were accessories. She chose the shoes that matched or accented the outfit she was wearing.  Women’s shoes don’t have to have high heels to look feminine.  In her more mature years, she would often wear very girly styles with kitten heels and look smashingly sexy.  She often told me that she would leave wearing higher stilettos to me because she found them to be uncomfortable.  As for me, I love wearing heels.  In my. 30’s and 40’s my normal shoes had 5” heels and I enjoyed occasionally wearing higher heels.  Now that I’m enjoying my 60’s, I very rarely wear heels higher than 4” anymore.   My main interest has always been “Girls Shoes”, not looking like a girl.  

But, back on point, you’re evolutionary process is probably normal.  Transitioning from pure male appearance to a male wearing female garments in public has elements of your being comfortable at the same time as your overcoming your apprehension about your appearance not being acceptable.  It’s a long process.  Being a female is a complex process.  There is a lot more to think about, especially if you want to appear only slightly feminine.  One step at a time!
 

 

"Evoluntionary process" is a great description

[mickeyunc]

Yes it does.  depends on the situation and the look you are going for.  there are high heels, stilettos then there are block heels ,which in my opinion are not high heels or stilettos.  which brings us to the questions what constitutes a high heel?  4 inches and up in my view.

[Cali]

I switched to women's shoes after many ankle reconstructions. I would have to wear 9.5 EEE male shoes and I then my heel would swim in the back of the shoes, 1/2 inch of extra space on each side between my heel and the shoe. While recovering from a reconstruction I started to look for a shoe that would FIT my foot. Every search can back with women's shoes. So, I bought a cheap pair of women's running shoes from DSW and they fit like no other shoe ever did. And they were a women's size 10. I have not bought a pair of "men's" shoes since and have not had ankle issues. Heel height was not an issue then as I wore 1 to 2 inch booties.

I had to raise my heel 4 inches to relax my calf so that it could heal. And because of other reasons I had to raise both heels 4 inches. You cannot walk around in 2 plastic medical booties, so I got a pair of high heels. During that time my hip pain subsided and 5 months later when I went back to 'flat shoes' the hip pain returned. So, for the last 10 years I have been wearing heels. It does take away all my pain but makes a tremendous difference.

Does height matter? YES. My sweet spot is 3.75 to 4.5 inch difference between platform and heel. Platforms are okay with me. It's the difference that matters. I will wake up in pain and put on a pair of heels (mules) to reduce the pain. Style, wedges, block, narrow, or stilettos are all good. The only important factor is fit. I will wear my shoes (heels) for up to 16 hours a day so fit is extremely important.

Wearing heels does not mean you have to pair them with a skirt or dress. I dress in 'male' style clothes. I have many leggings and will wear them as my pants often. Compression leggings are great for many sports, especially when you don't want the bulk. And I love my bodysuits as a base layer in the winter.

Edited August 15 by Cali

[Puffer]

A difficult question for me to answer, if I am to be both honest and constructive.   As others have said, or at least implied, there are several reasons for wanting to wear 'high heels'.   (I will not attempt an exhaustive definition but, as a working one, let us assume anything greater than a net 2" (after deducting any platform) and regardless of heel style/shape.   In other words, a heel that would rarely be found on any male footwear other than some cowboy or Beatle boots.)

One may wear such 'high heels' for reasons of any one or more of the following: (a) comfort/health - although Cali's need is probably rare; (b) boosting ones height, if appropriate; (c) style/appearance; (d) feeling - which may or may not include some form of arousal; (e) simple desire to wear 'girl's shoes'.   

This last reason (e) is the most complex; is it because one gets a thrill from wearing something essentially feminine in otherwise male mode, or as part of a wider (or possibly complete) adoption of feminine clothing and appearance?   And is it the feminine appearance of the footwear that is paramount, or simply the fact that it is daring/exciting to wear something 'borrowed' from women?  

There is clearly a big difference between, say, a man in (i) a 3" block heeled boot (which would often go completely undetected when worn with trousers); or (ii) a 5" stiletto sandal (which would be obvious almost regardless of other clothing).   And, whatever the style of footwear, does the male wearer wish to conceal it, or to wear it openly?

I can only say that, as far as I am concerned, I have long been an admirer of 'high heels' , worn by women, and of feminine footwear (such as strappy sandals) generally.   I have always wanted to wear such footwear myself, mainly for the look and apparent feeling but also, to a modest extent, because it is daring to do so.   (I have little desire to wear any other feminine clothing, beyond perhaps a private and experimental 'dressing up' session out of curiosity, which has never happened.)   However, availability, comfort and discretion limit my ideal footwear styles and my activity when so shod - perhaps more than I should wish.   A heel of less than 3" does very little for me, although I have some men's boots with Cuban heels close to that which I can and do wear openly.   I can comfortably (and discreetly) wear boots with a 4" block or semi-block heel, and also, with more care, my Miguel Jones 'cowboy' boots with 5" heels.   I would love to be able to wear stilettos (ideally around 5") as man in public but the reality, having tried, is that I cannot do so comfortably or without risking detection and ridicule.   And the latter really precludes wearing lower stilettos too.

So, I guess I must conclude that, for me, anything less than a 3" heel is of little interest unless the footwear has other attractions, in which case it might be very flat.   And anything much more than 4", especially if a thin heel, is mostly impractical, however desirable.   

[mlroseplant]

That's a very good point about it being evolutionary. Part of it is merely style evolution and part of it is simply getting better at walking in heels over the years. As many of you know, I have walked over 2000 documented miles in heels over a number of years. Although it's not recorded in any sort of organized, accessible way, I can guarantee you that most of the first 1,000 miles was done in what I would consider mid-heels, which for me is 3 - 3 7/8 height difference. The second thousand miles was done primarily in high heels, 4 inches or higher, and especially the last 500 miles. I am pretty sure I never counted anything less than 3 inches, which is the point where a heel begins to feel a little bit like a heel for me, and really I like to be at least 3 1/2" regardless.

Someday I would like to master 5 inchers, but probably not with the idea of wearing them every day, just as a personal challenge. That will require a level of commitment that I don't currently have. I should concentrate more on becoming better in the shoes that I already have.

[Shyheels]

I too would like to master the art of walking gracefully in 12cm stilettos - it’s an acquired skill and I’d like to acquire it, but it terms of simply wearing heels as fashion, I’m not overly concerned about height. I like the 8 to 10cm range and especially chunky or block heels. Whether that constitutes “high” heels is irrelevant to me - and I think probably irrelevant to the world at large, as any guy wearing heels an inch higher than the norm will be considered to be wearing heels, a girly thing to do

[mlroseplant]

Back to the original question, but in a completely different way, "Does height matter?" Yeah, I guess it does, because I have done the unthinkable to myself now. I have injured myself, and I'm having to take it easy for a while. I think I know how this happened, but I'm not 100% sure. All I know is that I made it worse by pounding the pavement incessantly for the past two weeks, trying to make up for my laziness in the first two weeks of August.

I have overtaxed my Achilles tendon in some way, and I can tell that for me, there is a HUGE difference between a three inch heel and a four inch heel. Actually, there is a pretty big difference between a three-and-a-half inch heel and a four. It's not that I can't wear a four inch heel at the moment, but it seems inadvisable to do so. Hopefully taking it easy for a week or so will solve the problem. I hate to even entertain the idea of giving up high heels altogether.

[Shyheels]

Take great care and do not rush things. Achilles tendons are hard to heal. And they are also shortened by wearing heels a lot which can lead to injury if you don’t stretch them.

[Cali]

I hyper extented my Achilles tendon playing tennis in the late 80's. They put my ankle in a 'ballerina' cast for awhile. A 3 inch rubber heel. I wish I had worn high heels then because walking around with different lengh legs was not much fun AND painful.  Good luck.

[mlroseplant]

Yeah, it's a little strange, because it doesn't really hurt, per se, it's just a little achy when I walk in high heels for more than a mile, and it's a little funny when I'm walking uphill in flats (such as mowing a hilly lawn). I'm just worried about it actually causing me a problem if I'm not careful with it. I do and have done calf/tendon stretches every day (among other foot/ankle exercises), but lately I need to do them gingerly on the right side.

[Shyheels]

Here’s hoping it resolves itself swiftly 

[Gige]

So, I thought an update may be necessary. Probably not though....

I have been giving much thought to this topic and have fielded and read a few words of well spoken advice. Thus, I have arrived at the conclusion that heel height is not always that important. I have come to believe, in fact, that what is important is not so much what  is worn but how it is worn. I would argue that one can appear equally as elegant in flats as a pair of 5"/12cm heels. Take today's outfit for example. I was wearing a maroon turtleneck, khaki dress pants, and brown Miz Mooz (brand) 3.5" heeled oxfords. The colors matched perfectly and I accented the outfit with a warm colored short scarf, 15mm rose gold hoop earrings, and a brown belt. Overall, I thought the outfit was gorgeous and reflected a sense of elevated style - simple but well matched pieces.  Compare this to the previous day's outfit which consisted of a black/grey/white color block long sleeve shirt, a knee length black skirt (BTW - my first time wearing a skirt to the office!) and a wonderful pair of almond toe, black knee high harness boots with a 1" heel. Again, simple but well coordinated pieces. Although the two outfits were very different in tone and appearance, they both displayed a sophisticated and professional style. I felt equally comfortable in both. Tomorrow evening I am attending a small reception for the opening of an art exhibit for which I will be wearing a black/white sweater, black pants, and black leather loafers, along with a black Spanish Beret (made in Spain but found and purchased in Ghent last April). Once again, simple and elegant. 

I suppose the point to all of this is that, although heels are wonderful and I will continue to wear them as often as possible, one does not always need to wear the highest heel possible in order to display a sense of style, class, and elegance should that be the desired look. One can have great style in very low heels (e.g. kitten heels) or even flats provided that the outfit with which they are worn is of the same caliber. To me, I believe classic styling of shoe/boot and outfit has always spoke loudly about a person as much as current trends; classic styling will never go out of style as far as I am concerned. Thus, low heels can be just as alluring as a 5"/12cm stiletto; black kitten heel pumps/slingbacks will always be supremely elegant regardless of how tastes and styles change or fade. If I had to provide an example of such, I would say look no further than Kate Middleton (or Jackie Kennedy) as she can make flip-flops or house slippers elegant. 

So, in essence, the height of the heel is not as important when compared to how it is worn.  Flat is not necessarily boring and very high is not necessarily "trashy." 

 

[Shyheels]

I agree. Fashion and style is not something that can be measured with a tape.

[mlroseplant]

I can't really define it, but I know it when I see it. What is elegance? Is it even a goal of mine? I am way more interested in elegance of movement than I am in creating the perfect outfit. And I'm not even very good at that.

Having said that, I still refuse to throw on a pair of heels with anything I consider to be workwear (and by work, I mean the kind where you get dirty), as I insist on looking somewhat presentable while wearing heels. However, I'm afraid I will probably continue to throw together my outfits at the last minute on the fly, and hope for the best. Elegant? I think not. Presentable? Attractive? Maybe.

[Cali]

12 hours ago, Gige said:

So, I thought an update may be necessary. Probably not though....

I have been giving much thought to this topic and have fielded and read a few words of well spoken advice. Thus, I have arrived at the conclusion that heel height is not always that important. I have come to believe, in fact, that what is important is not so much what  is worn but how it is worn. I would argue that one can appear equally as elegant in flats as a pair of 5"/12cm heels. Take today's outfit for example. I was wearing a maroon turtleneck, khaki dress pants, and brown Miz Mooz (brand) 3.5" heeled oxfords.

 

I had to laugh when I read this. On Tuesday, I wore a maroon turtle neck (Express women's), grey Flexx straight leg jeans (also Express) a large hoodie (it was cold) and my standard Steve Madden wedges.

[NrthEastHeel]

Heel height used to be a focal point for me in female shoes in my early days of heel wearing. In recent years its become more focal on style, with height becomming less considered. Having said that all my shoes range between 4" & 5" heel height (which is still high for size 5uk feet :). I have a combination of stilletto, slim block, and block heels and boots in my collection all within the 4-5" height range, but thats what im most comfortable in, and feel more naturalised in when walking

[Shyheels]

That’s a nice height range. Like you I am more interested in overall style than a numbers game. I tend to wear chunky heeled boots in the 3 to 3.5” range but I have three pair of stilettos - two 10cm and one 12cm - whose styling I like very much. I love the lines on the 12cm one. I think that is optimum stiletto - any higher and to my eyes they start looking hunched up, too much about the heel and losing touch with elegance. 

[mlroseplant]

I totally agree with you, at about 12 cm, it's the classic look. Higher than that, it so much depends upon the design of the heel. There are some 15 cm heels that I absolutely adore, and there are others that look just plain odd, and I am unable to qualify exactly what makes something "odd." Unfortunately, I can't walk in any of them. I think a reasonable goal is to be able to walk in the 12 cm someday. And by 12 cm, what I mean is probably about 13 cm in my size.

[Gige]

6 hours ago, mlroseplant said:

I totally agree with you, at about 12 cm, it's the classic look. Higher than that, it so much depends upon the design of the heel. There are some 15 cm heels that I absolutely adore, and there are others that look just plain odd, and I am unable to qualify exactly what makes something "odd." Unfortunately, I can't walk in any of them. I think a reasonable goal is to be able to walk in the 12 cm someday. And by 12 cm, what I mean is probably about 13 cm in my size.

I have a pair 12cm heels and walking in them can be a bit challenging. I find that getting the muscles around the ankle loosened up a bit beforehand is very important. I will not lie but walking out and about in 12cm heels was a thrill!

[Shyheels]

I am definitely not skilled enough in 12cm heels to consider walking out and about. There is a big difference between 10cm and 12cm.

as I say, I do love the elegance of 12cm heels, especially in boots.