The Ladies at the Office

[Gige]

I'm curious if anyone else has run into this "issue"...

I recently started wearing heels/boots to the office with a heel no higher than 3"-3.5" and always very professional in style (block heel, solid, dark colors, with an occasional splash of spice to mix-it up). Likewise, I have started wearing both feminine and masculine clothing with such for a completely professional ensemble.  I also wear accessories such as earrings (still on posts as I just had them pierced - can't wait to start wearing hoops!) necklaces, and painted nails (no make-up). There are two women who sit near my workstation who, since I have started dressing "en femme," have been both complementary of my outfits but at the same time, routinely offer their completely unwanted opinions of what they think I should wear. One of them, "Frick," continually informs me that I wear "too much" black or dark colors, need more color, should wear paisley, and have my eyebrows done. Her partner, "Frack,"  has also told me that I should wear more colors, I wear "too many turtlenecks," and a recent weight loss on my part (~25lbs) has left me with "no butt." With respect to Frick and Frack, both of these women may qualify as being petite (5'2" to 5'4") and, not to disparage them, are grossly obese. Frick often wears sweatpants, a hoodie, or a track suit and crocs (with or without socks) whereas Frack is slightly better dressed in tie-dyed shirts or sweaters, jeans, and rainbow shoes - these are their outfits everyday. Frack also likes to wear cheap, gaudy jewelry from Temu. 

Although I am grateful for the compliments when offered, I am growing tired of the "you should wear this that way or wear that this way..." and the like comments. I have mentioned to both that I do not dress for them nor do I want to be dressed by them but yet, they persist in their comments. In all fairness, Frack is not as bad as Frick in telling me what I should wear. What I find interesting in all of this is that long before I started wearing heels to the office, neither ever said word about my attire. Since I have started wearing heels, however, it seems as I am "open season" for unwanted comments about what to wear. If needed, I can change my workstation so that I do not have to sit near them as they are not part of my unit. The photos are all outfits I have previously worn to the office

 

[Cali]

 Frick and Frack are jealous. First of your weight loss and second you look better than either of them could.

[Jkrenzer]

Turn about is fair play. Make some suggestions for them.

[Gige]

53 minutes ago, kneehighs said:

Are there possible legal repercussions for him if the does that while being on US soil?

 

No, but I do have to be very careful about what I say because it could be viewed as being discriminatory. 

[Gige]

19 hours ago, Cali said:

 Frick and Frack are jealous. First of your weight loss and second you look better than either of them could.

I tend to agree with you about this in both the jealousy and "out dressing" them.  All that I want is just to be myself and not have anyone, including myself, worry or concern themselves with what I am wearing. 

[Jkrenzer]

Actually the legal issues work both ways despite popular thought. So since they opened the door to playful behavior he can follow suit. 

The key is he has no quidproque. He's not their boss or subordinate. They playfully suggest fashion to he can to them.

[mlroseplant]

The question is, is any of this worth it? Yeah, you could start an office battle, but would you want to? I know I wouldn't. And just exactly how bad is it? Does this happen daily? Hourly? What is the demeanor of the ladies? Snooty? Playful? Bossy? There are way too many questions that simply can't be answered in print. Perhaps the easiest way if you just can't stand it is to have your station moved. Even that is not without consequences. Let's face it--it just ain't easy bein' us.

[Bubba136]

11 hours ago, Jkrenzer said:

Actually the legal issues work both ways despite popular thought. So since they opened the door to playful behavior he can follow suit. 

The key is he has no quidproque. He's not their boss or subordinate. They playfully suggest fashion to he can to them.

I think I would tread lightly here because if these women are as unattractive as described, any suggestion of improving their appearance could be taken as insulting and might be considered inappropriate by your company’s anti discrimination policies. 

[Shyheels]

5 hours ago, Bubba136 said:

I think I would tread lightly here because if these women are as unattractive as described, any suggestion of improving their appearance could be taken as insulting and might be considered inappropriate by your company’s anti discrimination policies. 

An excellent point I had been about to make myself. Tread very carefully 

[pebblesf]

On 4/1/2024 at 2:48 PM, Gige said:

I'm curious if anyone else has run into this "issue"...

I recently started wearing heels/boots to the office with a heel no higher than 3"-3.5" and always very professional in style (block heel, solid, dark colors, with an occasional splash of spice to mix-it up). Likewise, I have started wearing both feminine and masculine clothing with such for a completely professional ensemble.  I also wear accessories such as earrings (still on posts as I just had them pierced - can't wait to start wearing hoops!) necklaces, and painted nails (no make-up). There are two women who sit near my workstation who, since I have started dressing "en femme," have been both complementary of my outfits but at the same time, routinely offer their completely unwanted opinions of what they think I should wear. One of them, "Frick," continually informs me that I wear "too much" black or dark colors, need more color, should wear paisley, and have my eyebrows done. Her partner, "Frack,"  has also told me that I should wear more colors, I wear "too many turtlenecks," and a recent weight loss on my part (~25lbs) has left me with "no butt." With respect to Frick and Frack, both of these women may qualify as being petite (5'2" to 5'4") and, not to disparage them, are grossly obese. Frick often wears sweatpants, a hoodie, or a track suit and crocs (with or without socks) whereas Frack is slightly better dressed in tie-dyed shirts or sweaters, jeans, and rainbow shoes - these are their outfits everyday. Frack also likes to wear cheap, gaudy jewelry from Temu. 

Although I am grateful for the compliments when offered, I am growing tired of the "you should wear this that way or wear that this way..." and the like comments. I have mentioned to both that I do not dress for them nor do I want to be dressed by them but yet, they persist in their comments. In all fairness, Frack is not as bad as Frick in telling me what I should wear. What I find interesting in all of this is that long before I started wearing heels to the office, neither ever said word about my attire. Since I have started wearing heels, however, it seems as I am "open season" for unwanted comments about what to wear. If needed, I can change my workstation so that I do not have to sit near them as they are not part of my unit. The photos are all outfits I have previously worn to the office

 

Well, first may I say that your choice of heels and outfits is very "professional" indeed, love the heel styles and those boots worn over the pants!  Don't know what to advise about Frick and Frack, except that their advice is horrible, just like you say.  You have already told them to back off on the advice, how do they respond to that?  Do they respond and say anything, or just keep on with the advice.  I guess at this point I would move my work station, hopefully they will "get the hint".  Congratulations on taking good care of your body, you look great and I don't mind admitting I am envious...

[Gige]

16 hours ago, mlroseplant said:

The question is, is any of this worth it? Yeah, you could start an office battle, but would you want to? I know I wouldn't. And just exactly how bad is it? Does this happen daily? Hourly? What is the demeanor of the ladies? Snooty? Playful? Bossy? There are way too many questions that simply can't be answered in print. Perhaps the easiest way if you just can't stand it is to have your station moved. Even that is not without consequences. Let's face it--it just ain't easy bein' us.

Indeed, it is not easy just being ourselves! I have to wonder if Frick and Frack view as their "Boy Toy" to dress as they please. Not to get on my soapbox, but I agree with other comments about given their large size (and unhealthy condition) they may feel jealous about how I dress. I generally do not think it is appropriate for anyone to comment about what a person should/should not do unless that person can do it themselves. 

[Cali]

About 5-6 years ago I was vindicated of a fraudulent 'MeToo' harassment charge. The accuser resigned shortly afterwards. I was thanked by many men and women throughout the organization for standing up to her 'bully' style of threatening to using the 'MeToo movement' to get her way. A couple even cried while thanking me. 

[Bubba136]

Offense is in the air.  Any one  can be offended by anything at anytime.  Whether it be a person’s nail polish is too red or they don’t like the color you painted your toes, someone somewhere is going to be offended.  Now, (trying not to be too political) you’re in double trouble if the offended individual is a member of a minority community.  They can climb on top of their grievance and scream “race” at the top of their lungs, making the entire incident “headline news”.  People are stupid.  Seeking their fifteen minutes of fame is a very strong incentive.  So, if they are willing to complain, I would just turn the tables on them by citing their actions of not supporting my rights to dress as I choose.  A clear case of “pure sexual discrimination” could be made if a complaint of that nature is made. 

Edited April 14 by Bubba136

[Pumped]

I worked for a company that hired mostly women. I would take lunch in the company lunch room and they would tell raunchy jokes constantly. One day I decided to share a joke I had heard. Nothing but but dirty looks. I decided at that time it wasn't a safe place and started eating lunch elsewhere and avoided them.

I would proceed with caution as they could turn on you and it would be two against one.

[Cali]

I have heard some wild things from women while getting a pedi.  Eye opening.

[HappyinHeels]

Gige, 

Looked this over and decided your “armchair fashionistas” are now fat and can’t master the look you now sport. They are not in the chain of command and the content of what they tell you is really not directly related to the job you’re all paid for. You could note they offered no comments before wearing more feline styles but I’d be inclined to record any interaction with them if you can manage it.  It’s one sure way of shutting down would-be troublemakers. These phones have a life of their own as a phone in a pocket or purse can start recording at any moment…theoretically. HinH

[Gige]

Update!

Frack recently admitted to me that many of her comments regarding my daily outfits were/are driven out of jealousy over the fact that I can and do wear many items that she can not due to her sizes or (claimed) wide feet. So, starting when I head date to the office this week, I will be switching workstations to move away from her (there are other reasons for this as well).  Frick and I have reached a sense of "détente" if you will, and all is good between us. She (Frick) however, may be transferred to another building in the next few weeks anyways. 

G. 

[Cali]

On 4/1/2024 at 7:24 PM, Cali said:

 Frick and Frack are jealous. First of your weight loss and second you look better than either of them could.

Winner, winner,

chicken dinner!

[pebblesf]

11 hours ago, Gige said:

Update!

Frack recently admitted to me that many of her comments regarding my daily outfits were/are driven out of jealousy over the fact that I can and do wear many items that she can not due to her sizes or (claimed) wide feet. So, starting when I head date to the office this week, I will be switching workstations to move away from her (there are other reasons for this as well).  Frick and I have reached a sense of "détente" if you will, and all is good between us. She (Frick) however, may be transferred to another building in the next few weeks anyways. 

G. 

OK, well at least she admitted it....

[Bubba136]

12 hours ago, Gige said:

Update!

Frack recently admitted to me that many of her comments regarding my daily outfits were/are driven out of jealousy over the fact that I can and do wear many items that she can not due to her sizes or (claimed) wide feet. So, starting when I head date to the office this week, I will be switching workstations to move away from her (there are other reasons for this as well).  Frick and I have reached a sense of "détente" if you will, and all is good between us. She (Frick) however, may be transferred to another building in the next few weeks anyways. 

G. 

Situations have a way of working out with time.  🙂

[Gige]

Update (Reprise)!

So, for this past week, Frick told me that she has been involuntarily transferred to another building and Frack has been on vacation - it has been absolute bliss! After considering the words of others members in response to this post, I decided to move my work station away from Frack so that I no longer have to listen to her comments regarding my appearance - I have no plan to let her know I have done so. It has been such a delight to know that I can just be myself without having to hear/endure Frack's envious comments about my appearance or the like. I agree with Mlroseplant that it is hard enough for us to be ourselves and Frack's needling only made it that much more difficult for me to do just that - be myself.  I find it to be interesting that of all the people who made their way into my office this past week, not a single person made any comment regarding my outfit or appearance.  And if Frack is bothered by my decisions, well, too bad! 

[mlroseplant]

20 hours ago, Gige said:

Update (Reprise)!

So, for this past week, Frick told me that she has been involuntarily transferred to another building and Frack has been on vacation - it has been absolute bliss! After considering the words of others members in response to this post, I decided to move my work station away from Frack so that I no longer have to listen to her comments regarding my appearance - I have no plan to let her know I have done so. It has been such a delight to know that I can just be myself without having to hear/endure Frack's envious comments about my appearance or the like. I agree with Mlroseplant that it is hard enough for us to be ourselves and Frack's needling only made it that much more difficult for me to do just that - be myself.  I find it to be interesting that of all the people who made their way into my office this past week, not a single person made any comment regarding my outfit or appearance.  And if Frack is bothered by my decisions, well, too bad! 

Having spent more than half of my life in the construction industry, now would be the appropriate time for me to make some smart aleck comment, but I shall refrain from doing so, as I don't know you very well, and these things don't generally translate well into print. Some people have mastered the art of good-natured banter, and some people have not. I'm glad it turned out well without the need to go to war.