I Have Lost Hope For Now.

[BTBAIHeels]

So today, I was at the Salvation army and I saw a "cool" pair of boots, even my mom agreed. We left since I had to go to work relatively soon. So I copied down the shoe information, and looked online on the way to get home. I found out that they were woman's. My first mistake was telling my mom that they were women. I got home around an hour ago and before my mom went to bed, I asked her if we could go back so I could try them on. Mistake one came back when she said "No, we are not going back. Those are women shoes, and you will not be wearing womans' clothing." This just about broke my heart. She obviously could not see that I really liked them.

 

Honestly by now, My mom has sent me back into my depression cycle. I am going to call a depression call center to talk to someone tomorrow.

 

If anyone wants to help me out, please just comment below.

Thanks,

Preston

 

[Guest]

I don't want to meet the woman that wears those.

[robbiehhw]

It get's better. You will only be under her authority for a fraction of your life.

 

It's sad that people do not embrace gender fluidity, as the world is changing fast. But it will steadily improve for you as you get older.

[Steve63130]

Preston,

 

Your idea to call the hotline is a good one. It sounds to me like your mother is not sympathetic to your situation. Maybe you need to have a heart-to-heart talk with her and tell her the whole truth about your love for women's shoes (or more if it goes further). If you have gender dysphoria, you need some serious counseling. Let your mother know so you can get started on the right path.

 

Steve

[inquisitor]

Nothing screams "women's" about those. Further, even if they were bright pink and had flowers on them, does it really matter? You like them, and that's the important thing. 

[hh4evr1]

There are probably men's boots you could buy that look like the ones you saw and liked. Then you could show your mum that they are men's and she wouldn't have a problem with you wearing them.

[Cl0setheels]

@BTBAIHeels

They look like (look-a-likes) Dr. Martens boots to me, and those are unisex. (All shoes are unisex in my opinion these days but thats a different discussion ).

 

I don't know your mother, but maybe she doesn't realize that her remark affects you that much? Parents in general have a certain view of how sons should be. They don't realize they might want to be a little outside the box. Out of curiosity, may I ask how old you are? As Steve63130 suggested, you might want to let her in a little (or a lot). The most important thing is that you are honest to yourself in what you want and start from there.

 

Possibly unrelated but still: When I was younger stuff like that could get met depressed quite easily as well. I had some sessions with a social worker and have been to a psychologist. And I must say that the social worker (more hands on) has helped me quite a lot. The psychologist was only asking questions and writing things down. And after session 8 he told me, you might be slightly autistic and no improvement might be a possability. I refused that conclusion and things have gotten better since then as well.

 

At some point I also was so sick of feeling bad and a switch changed in my head. From that point forward things got a lot better. :-) Bottomline, never lose hope!

 

@HEELS2U

My best friend (who shops with me and lets me wear heels) wears shoes like that too! She's quite allright! (just kidding with mentioning this ofc).

[BTBAIHeels]

Cl0setheels, I am 16, my mom is 57.

[BTBAIHeels]

Hello all,

I am going to check in with you all. I would like to just say I think I've gone bonkers. I say this because I can not stop having bad dreams, I feel insane. Dreams about the shoes above and all general heels, it is tearing me apart, psychologically. I do not know how to end this madness, even if I told my parents, since they don't even approve of a transgender fly. This will be the death of me eventually if I don't get the help...

[AZShoeNut]

Hello BTBA,

I really suggest connecting with a therapist. It sounds to me like you could be caught up in a whirlwind is rumination along with other things. A therapist can help you get your thoughts and feelings out and understand them better. Also, I have seen 4 therapist in my time and 3 of them have helped me to appreciate wearing heels more.

With as down as you seem to be, please, please work with your folks to go see a therapist. I would hate to learn that your bad experience with the boots got the best of you.

Best,

Larry

[Guest]

Good advice.

Sounds like you are young. Don't let the anxiety of NOT wearing heels bring you down.

It's just like see and young people. You have your whole life ahead of you outside of your teen years to enjoy both.

Don't feel alone. I would say all of us here have felt the tension or pressure inside us over the desire to wear what the world does not accept as normal. Take care of the important things in your life right now like school.get that done get out on your own and dress as you please. The other option is to just confront your parents about. If they offer therapy go do it.

Don't let this ruin your life. This is like a drug addiction. To a point it has controlled (ruined) my life in that I was more concerned about staying home in heels instead of getting out and enjoying life.

[Histiletto]

Hey BTBAIHeels,

I'm puzzled that you are feeling so intimidated by your interest and your mom's objection towards these particular boots that actually could come from the men's/boy's department. Yes, women also have their line of male shoes that are literally men's/boy's with the labeling of women's sizing or are the shoe styles for men/boys actually women's shoes with the size labeling of men's/boy's footwear. Either way these particular boots are more identified with the present male stereotyping, no matter what the labeling suggest. For you to be feeling depressed over not being able to wear male footwear, with a feminine label is a bit ironic. Plus the idea that your mom thinks these boots are for women, you both should go and shop for the same boots in the men's department store that carries this style where the cost could be quite more expensive and then look in the women's department for the same style. By the way, did you get the pricing of the boots in the thrift store?

[SF]

Never give up…..  

[BTBAIHeels]

We went back yesterday (to find the remote of a DVD player) I went to look for them, and they were gone, The sale price is about 10 US Dollars From target

I just bot a pair of litas, they will probably com within the 21st- 27th of may, I am scared but yet, excited, mixed emotions really. I just have to snatch them from the mail before my dad picks it up... unless its a Fedex or ups delivery, then I'll have to get it before they ring the door bell. This will be a hard thing to do, My sister is graduating soon, and I will be having relatives over, so if it happens at the wrong time... I will be definitely be hurting.

[Cl0setheels]

Good you got a pair. Lita's are great and I love mine. Enjoy them, they are just shoes! :-) and technical they can be for men.

[Lvemadomina]

Hello all,

I am going to check in with you all. I would like to just say I think I've gone bonkers. I say this because I can not stop having bad dreams, I feel insane. Dreams about the shoes above and all general heels, it is tearing me apart, psychologically. I do not know how to end this madness, even if I told my parents, since they don't even approve of a transgender fly. This will be the death of me eventually if I don't get the help...

 

You're not bonkers, I have dreams like this ALL THE TIME! I have ones where I have massive shoe collections and they find it or I'm caught wearing heels and get an extremely negative response. It's normal, it's just because of what's going on now and it's a natural psychological reaction to stress...

 

Talk to me if you need me okay?

[BTBAIHeels]

They are here. I am excited, I am wearing them now

here are pics.

 

 

Unfortunately, I have never been more scared in my life... today, my mom heard a country song that is called girl crush, she immediately changed the station because it was a "lesbian song"

 

And the southern relatives are here, imagine the fear I'm going through now.

[Thighbootguy]

I think they look cool.  For now consider wearing them with long jeans and if anybody is rude enough to ask, "Are those girl's shoes?" simply reply, "They're my shoes.".  If someone asks ,"Aren't those heels kind of high?", have a ready answer like, "What? (be surprised that are asking such an inconsequential question) Oh, there my new ones, they're 4 inches".  And, "How do you walk in those shoes? with, "They,re my new ones, they're really comfortable".

 

Wear them with confidence in fact, exude confidence!  The last thing to do is have an "OMG somebody noticed" expression on your face. 

 

They're your shoes, enjoy them.

[Ynotme]

I have 2 pair of Lita lookalike I need to get my long boot cut jeans out and go out for a fun trip someday they look great good for you

[Histiletto]

Hey! BTBAIHeels,

 

Most everyone in this forum has gone through similar experiences in their quest to wear high heels. The opposition to guys wearing heels seems to be an unbearable burden when your desire to do so grows stronger as your being denied fulfillment. Expect that your Litas are going to be discovered and you'll probably get the chance to defend the reasons you want to wear them. I doubt this verbal bout will be comfortable for you or your parents. They might even wonder what they did wrong to cause you to have these feelings. Remember they really do love you and care for your well-being. They see your wearing heel as something that will only cause bad things to happen to you, because that is the world they grew up in. Hopefully, you can eventually have a decent conversation with them once the shock has run its course. If there have been former incidences that have happened leading up to this time they are familiar with, you might refer to these other times by saying "I have tried to let you know about how I feel, would you talk with me now?" "I would like to have your support and understanding."       

[BTBAIHeels]

I think they look cool.  For now consider wearing them with long jeans and if anybody is rude enough to ask, "Are those girl's shoes?" simply reply, "They're my shoes.".  If someone asks ,"Aren't those heels kind of high?", have a ready answer like, "What? (be surprised that are asking such an inconsequential question) Oh, there my new ones, they're 4 inches".  And, "How do you walk in those shoes? with, "They,re my new ones, they're really comfortable".

 

Wear them with confidence in fact, exude confidence!  The last thing to do is have an "OMG somebody noticed" expression on your face. 

 

They're your shoes, enjoy them.

Thanks TBG! I would like to clarify that I will not achieve public status for a while, neither will I be informing my parents; I will start off by telling them how I feel with what they are saying and how it is hurting me; Then I might tell them about my choice of shoes and clothes.

 

Otherwise I have a pair of skinny jeans that I could wear them with, but only on a cold day, otherwise, I have my moms very old skirt to wear.

 

I agree that if anyone does ask, "They are not simply girl shoes, they are the shoes I got because I liked them, I could care less if they were girls shoes only because they are my shoes."

 

they are actually 5 inchers... the highest pair I have ever worn, yet I can walk near perfect.

[Cl0setheels]

Good that you finally got them! They are great! I have a pair like those but then the "worn" look not such smooth leather. Can't wait to get more Litas but they are so expensive.

[Thighbootguy]

Otherwise I have a pair of skinny jeans that I could wear them with, but only on a cold day, otherwise, I have my moms very old skirt to wear.

 

I agree that if anyone does ask, "They are not simply girl shoes, they are the shoes I got because I liked them, I could care less if they were girls shoes only because they are my shoes."

 

they are actually 5 inchers... the highest pair I have ever worn, yet I can walk near perfect.

 

My normal theme is "show off your boots" but what I has in mind for you was a pair of boot cut jeans long enough to cover most of the heel.  That is much less "in your face" than skinny jeans with heels.  I was thinking you would want to reduce the impact of those heels the first time you wore them out and about.  I'm not suggesting trying to hide them, that doesn't work, people will see them.  Don't fall into the false security trap of "no one will notice".  I was just suggesting you reduce the impact of 5" heels until you have the confidence (and support) to wear what you want.

 

Enjoy your boots.

 

Take the words "girl shoes" out of your vocabulary and replace it with "my shoes".

[BTBAIHeels]

Here I am in jeans everyone. Ill get in a skirt later, when everyone is away again

[BTBAIHeels]

Honestly I've gone the route of being a femboy. No I do not mean transgender, I don't want to be a women. I like their fashion of clothes and shoes on the other hand. I will wear a skirt and heels all day if you let me.

[robbiehhw]

Femboi fashion is great.! Congrats on expanding your horizons.

[BTBAIHeels]

Thanks robbiehhw! I honestly just want to wear what I want to wear, no questions asked. I met a girl online who is literally excited that I wear heels, so, another person knows. I'm thinking about getting a skater skirt and a second pair of heels already. I'll post pics tomorrow.

[Thighbootguy]

I'm thinking about getting a skater skirt and a second pair of heels already.

 

Ahh ... It's a slippery slope that get steeper the farther you go.   Once you start it's hard (imposable) to stop.  There are many on this board that will attest to that.

 

 

Be sure that you are right, and then go ahead.  - Davey Crockett

 

 

I met a girl online who is literally excited that I wear heels, so, another person knows.

 

Let me restate this:  I corresponded with someone, who says she is a girl, ....

 

I doubt if you have actually met this person.  There is a BIG difference between actually meeting someone and gauging their reactions and corresponding with someone on-line.  Guard your feelings accordingly.

 

TBG

[weird1]

Well said TBG !!!

[Cl0setheels]

It doesn't need to be like that. I have a bunch of different experiences. I've met my best friend through a Dutch metal band chat and she's exactly the same for real as she was online. And the 'fake' ones usually don't last in the long run. Just use common sense and you'll probably be fine. Can't imagine us Dutchies being such a different kind of people? :-)