Anxiety And Confidence

[SleekHeels]

Does this anxiety subside after a while?

As for anxiety, don't feel bad about it or let it get to you, it happens to all of us from time to time, even me. Yes, anxiety does fade away eventually, but don't force it away, it's all about the process of developing your "emotional armor" that helps you freestyle with confidence. Just keep at it, that confidence will come.

I hope I'm not being presumptuous in picking up on this point, as I feel it's worthy of its own topic (rather than hijacking).

I wonder if that anxiety is a bit like an actor, even an experienced one, might feel anxious before a performance - indeed that anxiety might be essential to giving a good performance. So I don't try to force it away, and it's very reassuring that Jeff would say that with vastly more experience.

I've found that I've kept the anxiety which serves to give me perspective on my personal safety, but the more "paranoid" anxiety has really just dissipated, or transformed into excitement and fun, with each experience. Maybe the anxiety even fuels a drive to constantly push boundaries a little more each time, which can be a bit addictive. There comes a time when your personal comfort zone has expanded to encompass far more than you could have imagined, and everyday scenarios can be faced comfortably and confidently.

[JeffB]

Well, being only human, we all experience anxiety and nervousness when indulging in a practice that society would, in its limited knowledge, consider outside the norm. For most of the members here who are perfectly content to just wear heels, and hide them under long pants and jeans, the anxiety is considerably less since they're able to covertly go about their business and are comfortable doing so. But, for folks like you and me who go the extra distance that comes from publicly wearing skirts and/or dresses, we're much more exposed to the world at large, and that can bring about anxiety if we feel like we're under the proverbial microscope. However, I don't think that the anxiety is a bad thing, it keeps us on our toes, helps us keep us grounded, makes us think rationally so that we don't do foolish things or go places where we shouldn't, makes us think about every aspect of why we do what we do, and how we do it. As with all things, it's all about practice, the more we do something, the better we become, and we invariably become more confident. And being confident enables us to push that envelope, and that is truly exciting. Having departed my previous comfort zone to expand my horizons by wearing women's clothing has been exhilarating, and even though I still get nervous from time to time, I use it to my advantage instead of letting it control me. And that helps build confidence.

[Foxyheels]

I think the greatest confidence comes from the realisation that the vast majority of the public just don't care. The occasional double take and pointing or giggle does keep you aware of the fact you are going against the conventional. A little anxiety or caution is always necessary to best negate the chances of any awkward or dangerous situation and I personally still do have days when I'm just not up to heeling but that just like other things. Our confidence ebbs and flows naturally so anxious days are to be expected but overall it just gets easier and better and better. I have also found that once people realise it's what you want to do to give yourself some happiness and take away the frustration of the fear of doing it they actually become supportive and even protective should others be negative around you. I'm sure others will agree the benefits far outweigh any negatives and the more common place it becomes the easier it will get.

[SkirtDude]

Its a good idea for a thread, yesterday's brief excursion was so nerve wracking for me. It will get easier I know. I'm in a dark blue pleated skirt today, its very comfy, but a little floaty as its a 22 inch. I went to put the trash out this morning and didn't realise as I got to the dumpster a gust of wind caught the back and was worried my neighbor could have caught a view which horrified me... I pulled down the back and tried to style it out like nothing happened. He said he liked my skirt which was a surprise, it definitely wasn't a kilt as it was pleated all the way round, but it did have a tartan check. We then had a chat about cars for five minutes... perhaps this anxiety thing is a waste of time. It seems as much a non event than if I was in a kilt or even jeans. Thankfully he said nothing about the 'wardrobe malfunction'... floatty short skirts take some getting used to... I was wearing my black boots with small heel, though the neighbor said nothing about those either

[Dr. Shoe]

Its a good idea for a thread, yesterday's brief excursion was so nerve wracking for me. It will get easier I know. I'm in a dark blue pleated skirt today, its very comfy, but a little floaty as its a 22 inch. I went to put the trash out this morning and didn't realise as I got to the dumpster a gust of wind caught the back and was worried my neighbor could have caught a view which horrified me... I pulled down the back and tried to style it out like nothing happened. He said he liked my skirt which was a surprise, it definitely wasn't a kilt as it was pleated all the way round, but it did have a tartan check. We then had a chat about cars for five minutes... perhaps this anxiety thing is a waste of time. It seems as much a non event than if I was in a kilt or even jeans. Thankfully he said nothing about the 'wardrobe malfunction'... floatty short skirts take some getting used to...

I was wearing my black boots with small heel, though the neighbor said nothing about those either

Are you sure your location is in the UK? LOL

Yes we have a lot of American members but this is a UK based site and so you don't need to try so much to be so "transatlantic"

You will be surprised, no shocked, by how accepting neighbours can be!

[SkirtDude]

Are you sure your location is in the UK? LOL

Yes we have a lot of American members but this is a UK based site and so you don't need to try so much to be so "transatlantic"

You will be surprised, no shocked, by how accepting neighbours can be!

Blimey! I never knew it was a UK site... I didn't want to patronise our neighbours across the Pond... I'll talk about usual stuff like 'rubbish', 'Tesco', 'skip' then... BTW I love your avatar, you've gotta tell me where you got that gorgeous skirt I'm in London, what part of the UK are you from? Sorry my pics come out sideways, it's something to do with the camera on my tablet when I typed the first post...

[JeffB]

Blimey! I never knew it was a UK site...

Hell's bells! I didn't know either! And I've only been around here for something like ten years, give or take! Wow, you learn something new every day!

[HappyinHeels]

Heels are our universal language! Everything else (US, UK, Canada, NZ, Australia, South Africa, and others) are just a regional dialect of it. The end result is always the same, someone somewhere buys or wears a shoe/boot giving them great pleasure, and conveys that here. The description of the journey is what varies which is precisley what enriches this cyber, and human, experience at hhplace.

HappyinHeels

[Dr. Shoe]

It just goes to show that the 'net crosses boundaries in more ways than one! LOL

Blimey! I never knew it was a UK site... I didn't want to patronise our neighbours across the Pond... I'll talk about usual stuff like 'rubbish', 'Tesco', 'skip' then... BTW I love your avatar, you've gotta tell me where you got that gorgeous skirt I'm in London, what part of the UK are you from? Sorry my pics come out sideways, it's something to do with the camera on my tablet when I typed the first post...

TBH, I was pulling your leg about your use of American English, but most of the guys on here know what rubbish is, and if you'd said "I was taking the rubbish out to the skip" I think they'd know what you meant! LOL

I bought the skirt in a "retro" shop in Greenwich (The Eastern end of Creek Road) but I don't think it's there anymore. In case you can't see from the pic it's a leather pencil skirt of which I have a couple.

You can see more of it here.

BTW, I'm now based near Reading.

[JeffB]

Nice pics there, Dr. Shoe. You certainly don't lack for confidence. Bravo!

[Dr. Shoe]

Thanks. It's not a confidence issue anymore, that is just me, day in day out.

[Steve63130]

Great pics, Dr. Shoe. You're very attractive and your outfits are quite fashionable. Thanks for sharing! Steve

[bionicbabe]

I feel that most ppl dont look at you shoes unless there really loud when you walk, i do skinny jeans that show off my whole shoe, with my male heels most ppl look then dont care, that is i dress jeans and shirts that go with the shoe, mostly its the younge teens that will giggle at them. All my girl friends love wearing heels with me and when there with me in heels too noone seems to care that im in heels.

[ilikekicks]

This is a very interesting topic worthy of discussion weather with or without ' heel ' mentioning! Thanks for the subject!

I hope I'm not being presumptuous in picking up on this point, as I feel it's worthy of its own topic (rather than hijacking).

Very true!

I wonder if that anxiety is a bit like an actor, even an experienced one, might feel anxious before a performance - indeed that anxiety might be essential to giving a good performance. So I don't try to force it away, and it's very reassuring that Jeff would say that with vastly more experience.

Anxiety can also be a motivational factor or a HUGE influence in certain instances for myself.

I've played at some small clubs and Ive also Played at HSBC Arena and Rich Stadium. Crowds from 3 people at a rehersal to thousands. The larger the crowd, the more anxiety sets in and as odd as it would seem, the better I have played because of it.

I believe Anxiety gives us an ' edge ' or a ' rush ' of sorts that we CAN use to be productive or ' better ' in some situations. In others, it can make us fall to pieces.

I've found that I've kept the anxiety which serves to give me perspective on my personal safety, but the more "paranoid" anxiety has really just dissipated, or transformed into excitement and fun, with each experience.

In similar, I do enjoy a larger crowd as it usually has more energy to feed off of and raises that level of anxiety.

Maybe the anxiety even fuels a drive to constantly push boundaries a little more each time, which can be a bit addictive.

VERY true in *my* instance.

There comes a time when your personal comfort zone has expanded to encompass far more than you could have imagined, and everyday scenarios can be faced comfortably and confidently.

Reflecting back, I would say your 100% correct in presenting such a statement. Maybe its a learning curve in which we experience things over and over and the routine never changes but the levels of energy are still staying the same instead of diminishing?

[RonC]

It just goes to show that the 'net crosses boundaries in more ways than one! LOL TBH, I was pulling your leg about your use of American English, but most of the guys on here know what rubbish is, and if you'd said "I was taking the rubbish out to the skip" I think they'd know what you meant! LOL I bought the skirt in a "retro" shop in Greenwich (The Eastern end of Creek Road) but I don't think it's there anymore. In case you can't see from the pic it's a leather pencil skirt of which I have a couple. You can see more of it here. BTW, I'm now based near Reading.

Thanks for the link to the photos Dr. Shoe!  I enjoyed getting a better look!  Nice heels, as always!

[jim102]

I heard about so many stories in that website and it said the majority of people do not care but there will always be folks, a small group of people will react but I am still very afraid that they are everywhere! Everything you do is attached to them!

 

I do not think a sears store with woman shoes in front of all with easy access(You know what I mean)is helpful for anxiety and confidence. I do not trust sales assistant I do not find that they all have seen a man wearing heels! It probably never happen or rarely. Also I am a guy and I would see a teenage girl or an old lady that would be the END!

 

To have confidence I need to avoid as much anxiety and stress as possible.

 

Imagine You try heels and you are caught by a member of your family

 

 

All those fears demons make me very affraid

 

Best thing is to try them in a closed store without noone could notice!

[SF]

This is a UK site??  Interesting…  I never really thought about where the site was hosted.  cool…   cheerio  to all you chaps (and chapettes)  …..   sf 

[krazykev64]

you can ''cheat'' your way to confidence.  if you look at the heels in my avatar think of the stares you would get if you walked down the road for the very first time wearing them.  even a woman would get some strange looks (think lady gaga)

I walked 5 miles for charity wearing them and I was not attempting to hide them.  man did I get some looks.

the secret is in that word CHARITY.  the shoes grab instant attention which is what you need when raising money for charity.  once you find out that the public are giving you support and wishing you all the best it wont be long before you don't give a toss.

my advice to anyone wanting to go public but are unsure of the response they will get is to set up a charity walk.  it is also a lot of fun

the easiest to set up is children in need.  make sure that you have some nice bright high heels.  higher the better.  then team them with a bright spotted skirt and a pair of tights or fishnets.

here is a picture of me doing children in need last year with my mate.  im the one in yellow.  my mate had to remove his high heels as one of the tips broke off.

we were both wearing bright clothing and heels and to say we attracted attention is an understatement.  walking in a busy city centre is not exactly hiding from the limelight

[jim102]

Demons are your family. They say you overestimate yourself

[hotrodboy]

the first time i went out in heels properly i was wearing a pair of 6in devious platforms and black pvc dress to see rocky horror in woking. with long red wig i certanly didnt blend in. but did get quite a few complimants from women as to how well i walked in them.

[WarrenB]

Nice pics there, Dr. Shoe. You certainly don't lack for confidence. Bravo!

 

Ditto.