Anyone Too Scared To Wear Heels Outside?

[scrappycoco]

Yes, I'm just a few miles south of you, but that doesn't mean much.

Three questions.

Would you walk into a Steel Mill locker room wearing heels and any other attire not from the mens work wear department?

Would you walk through the county jail without an escorted in a similar fashion?

Would you walk into a biker club bar in heels and a skirt?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then either you have much bigger nads than me, or your not opposed to the potential outcome.

Ok to answer every question I'll do it like this. If I worked at said steel mill and was going to work? No

If I was going to a jail to be in jail you are not going to get that chance anyway.

Would I go into a biker bar wearing heels and a skirt? Probably not since wearing a skirt and riding are not a very good combo.

Look I understand what and how you think. I use to work in a factory did so for 12 yrs. Would I have worn heels and a skirt to work? No why because I was going to work and that was noy my work clothing. Now if I was going for say a union meeting where I didn't have to wear work clothing. I absolutely would! These are just my thoughts when you are looking at wearing heels or anything else you have to dress for the situation. The only thing I was getting at was this. What you do on your own time is your own biz. There is nothing a company can say or do when you are off the clock, off their property or you are not making any damaging comments on the Internet about them. Trust me I totally understand your fear. I think it is a guy thing to worry about the what if's. When I go places I think about where I am going and I say is this a place I am going practical for wearing heels and I leave it at that. All those places you asked me about not even a woman would wear heels there unless they where working in a front office, was an attorney going to meet a client or was riding bitch on the back of a bike and was going to party at said bar. I am not trying to tell you how or what to do. The only thing I am trying to do is help you have the courage to be yourself and understand that by hiding doesn't help you at all because as long as people see you hiding something like this they will have a totally different thought about you than if you are not hiding and just being honest with yourself and others. In the end it's only a shoe.

[Heelster]

Ok to answer every question I'll do it like this. If I worked at said steel mill and was going to work? No

If I was going to a jail to be in jail you are not going to get that chance anyway.

Would I go into a biker bar wearing heels and a skirt? Probably not since wearing a skirt and riding are not a very good combo.

Look I understand what and how you think. I use to work in a factory did so for 12 yrs. Would I have worn heels and a skirt to work? No why because I was going to work and that was noy my work clothing. Now if I was going for say a union meeting where I didn't have to wear work clothing. I absolutely would! These are just my thoughts when you are looking at wearing heels or anything else you have to dress for the situation. The only thing I was getting at was this. What you do on your own time is your own biz. There is nothing a company can say or do when you are off the clock, off their property or you are not making any damaging comments on the Internet about them. Trust me I totally understand your fear. I think it is a guy thing to worry about the what if's. When I go places I think about where I am going and I say is this a place I am going practical for wearing heels and I leave it at that. All those places you asked me about not even a woman would wear heels there unless they where working in a front office, was an attorney going to meet a client or was riding bitch on the back of a bike and was going to party at said bar. I am not trying to tell you how or what to do. The only thing I am trying to do is help you have the courage to be yourself and understand that by hiding doesn't help you at all because as long as people see you hiding something like this they will have a totally different thought about you than if you are not hiding and just being honest with yourself and others. In the end it's only a shoe.

That's all well and good except there is a reality to be dealt with. I've been around this business for nearly 20 years. I know what the job prospects are for someone like me in my fields of expertise, and I know that if I lost my current job, I would have to relocate. I know it would affect my wife's job too.

All those employee discrimination rules don't mean jack in the real world. You may win the case, but you won't be working there anyways. The costs far outweigh the benefits. No amount of honesty will change that. I've already felt the affects in my work history in this place because of what I don't do - - - I don't need to make it worse.

[FreshinHeels]

This is going to sound kookie but if I am with my lady friend ( who is totally OK with my heels habit ) I am braver and will wear any of my heels in public even in shorts. Not sure why this is, but it is so.

If I am alone I am more timid and will wear HH boots but wilth longer jeans.

Go figure that out ...I can't

Sapoa

Is a logical thing really.

I have the same but working on it.

Went to hospital today to give some blood for check up, in heels on bike on my own.

Afterwards had a coffee in restaurant read the paper nice and relaxing.

Had a few looks offcourse can´t blame I look hot

Funniest thing reals was on the way home a guy passing me by on his scooter straining his neck so much to look at my shoes that I thought

he could turn his head all the way around.

Edited November 21, 2012 by FreshinHeels

[yozz]

I also believe this is not so strange. The fact that you are with your lady friend kind of sanctions it. It portrays you as hetero guy with an interesting sense of fashion. When you are all alone, people have no frame to put you in and many will picture you as gay, weirdo, or whatever. I also am braver with my wife than without. Y.

[peterw]

yes i am too scared as the question goes and its true that in some industries and workplaces it seems just impossible with too serious a consequence its not just the ridicule but loss of a job for being wierd in inverted commas and how easily you can loose your job despite supposed laws to protect you. for me i occasionally venture out in loafers and nothing more - i just dare not take the risk, there is too much at stake. i do search however for the next step, that shoe with a slightly higher heel that still looks masculine that i think i could get away with

[Steve63130]

Thanks to a post on this forum (but I've forgotten who posted it), I've been reading an interesting book on popular psychology called “You Are Not So Smart,” by David McRaney (Dutton, New York, 2011), which dispels a number of myths about the way people think. The following chapter is particularly relevant to those who wear or want to wear heels in public and nervously think everyone notices. As you will read, they don't.

Chapter 29 (page 162)

The Spotlight Effect

You spill a drink at a party. You get a mustard stain on your shirt. Your forehead is breaking out on the day you have to do a presentation. Oh no. What will people think? Chances are, they won't think anything. Most people won't notice at all, and if they do, they'll probably disregard and forget your imperfections and faux pas within seconds.

You lose some weight, buy a new pair of pants, and strut through doors expecting some sort of acknowledgment. Perhaps you get a new haircut, or buy a new watch. You spend an extra fifteen minutes in front of the mirror expecting the world to notice. You spend so much time thinking about your own body, your own thoughts and behaviors, you begin to think other people must be noticing too. The research says they aren't, at least not nearly as much as you are.

When in a group or public setting, you think every little nuance of your behavior is under scrutiny by everyone else. The effect is even worse if you must stand on a stage or go out with someone for the first time. You can't help but be the center of your universe, and you find it difficult to gauge just how much other people are paying attention since you are paying attention to you all the time. When you start to imagine yourself in the audience, you believe every little misstep is amplified. You are not so smart when it comes to dealing with crowds because you are too egocentric, and they are just as convinced that they are being scrutinized.

The spotlight effect was studied at Cornell in 1996 by Thomas Gilovich, who researched the degree to which people believe their actions and appearance are noticed by others. He had college students put on T-shirts featuring the smiling face of Barry Manilow and then knock on the door to a classroom where other subjects were filling out a questionnaire. When you are late to a class or to work, or walk into a crowded theater or nightclub, you feel as if all eyes are on you, judging and criticizing. These students had to shed their normal clothes for a shirt with a giant Barry Manilow head beaming back out into the world, so Gilovich hypothesized they would feel an especially strong version of the spotlight effect when they had to walk into the classroom. Each person did this, and then walked over and spoke with the researcher for a moment. The researcher then pulled up a chair and told the embarrassed subject to sit down, but right as they did they were told to stand back up and were then led out for a debriefing. They asked the subjects to estimate how many people noticed their shirt. The people wearing the embarrassing attire figured about half of the people in the room saw it and noticed how awful it was. When the researchers then asked the people in the classroom to describe the subject, about 25 percent recalled seeing Manilow. In a situation designed to draw attention, only a quarter of the observers noticed the odd clothing choice, not half. Gilovich repeated the experiment, but this time allowed the students to pick a “cool” shirt depicting Jerry Seinfeld, Bob Marley, or Martin Luther King, Jr. In this run, the estimates were the same. They thought about half the class saw their awesome shirt. Less than 10 percent did. This suggests the spotlight effect is strong for both positive and negative images of yourself, but the real world is far less likely to give a shit when you are trying to look cool. Gilovich has repeated his work on crowded New York streets, and although people felt as if a giant spotlight was shining down illuminating their tiny place in the world and all eyes were upon them, in reality, most people didn't notice them at all.

The spotlight effect leads you to believe everyone notices when you drive around town in a new, expensive car. They don't. After all, the last time you saw an awesome car, do you remember who was driving it? Do you even remember the last time you saw an awesome car? This feeling extends into other situations as well. For instance, if you are playing Rock Band or singing karaoke or doing anything else where you feel your actions are being monitored by others, you tend to believe every up and down of your performance is being cataloged and critiqued. Not so.

You will apologize or make fun of yourself in an attempt to soften the blows, but it doesn't matter. In 2001, Gilovich had subjects play a competitive video game and rate how much attention they thought their teammates and opponents were paying to their performance. He found people paid lots of attention to how they themselves were doing, but almost no attention to others. While playing, they felt like everyone else was keeping up with how good they were at the game.

Research shows people believe others see their contributions to conversation as being memorable, but they aren't. You think everyone noticed when you stumbled in your speech, but they didn't. Well, unless you drew attention to it by over-apologizing.

The next time you get a pimple on your forehead, or buy a new pair of shoes [heels! – Steve], or Tweet about how boring your day is, don't expect anyone to notice. You are not so smart or special.

_________________

Chapter 40 of the same book explores the level of attention from the point of view of the observers rather than yourself, with equally supportive results. Here is the first part of the chapter.

_________________

Chapter 40 (page 220)

Attention

Think of the last time you were in conversation at a crowded party or in a nightclub. The guy in the corner doing the running man, the girl dropping it like it's hot, the pulse of low-budget techno – it all fades into the background as you strain to hear the other person's voice and picture the trip to Ireland he or she is describing. The room is still loud, but inside your head, things have changed. When you focus your attention on one thing, everything else blurs into the periphery.

In science fiction movies like Minority Report and Strange Days people's memories are played back for others, and they are usually depicted as short films. The way the camera captures the action is the way memories are played back, but this isn't how you see and remember the scenes in your life. You tune out sounds all the time at work, in a city, watching television, turning down the volume on what you aren't interested in – but you don't notice it as much when you do it visually. When you single out one voice among many, the rest of what is happening is not only getting turned down; most of it is also slipping through your mind without clinging to memory. You accept this easily when it comes to sound, but the same thing happens with the information coming through your eyeballs. The things you pay attention to create your moment-to-moment perception of reality. Everything else is lost or blurred.

Not only do you see only what you're focused on, over time you can become so accustomed to seeing familiar environments, everything blends into the background. Where are those damned keys at? You left them right here, didn't you? Oh, man. You're running late. How can you lose your keys in your own house? No doubt, you've lost your purse, wallet, phone – something – and then found it sitting in plain sight. You go on a scavenger hunt among your own possessions wondering why your IQ has dropped thirty points.

Psychologists call missing information in plain sight inattentional blindness. You believe with confidence your eyes capture everything before them and your memories are recorded versions of those captured images. The truth, though, is you see only a small portion of your environment at any one moment. Your attention is like a spotlight, and only the illuminated portions of the world appear in your perception.

Psychologists Daniel Simons and Christopher Chabris demonstrated this in 1999. They had students divide into two teams and pass a basketball back and forth. Half wore white shirts, and the others wore black. Simons and Chabris recorded a video of the action and then showed it to subjects in the lab. Before the video began, they asked people to count while watching it how many times the ball was passed from one person to another. If you want to try it yourself, they put the video online at www.theinvisiblegorilla.com. You should check it out right now before reading on if you don't want me to spoil the experiment for you. Most people had no problem getting the answer as they stared intensely, hardly blinking. The researchers then asked the subjects if they noticed anything unusual during the action. Most people said they didn't. What the subjects failed to notice was a woman in a gorilla suit who walked into the middle of the players and waved at the camera before casually strolling out of the frame. When people were asked what they could recall, they could describe the background, the appearance of the players, the intensity of the action, but about half missed the gorilla.

Simons and Chabris showed tunnel vision is a fact of life – it is your default setting. In their research, they point out how easy it is to miss people you recognize in a movie theater as you scan for a seat, or how often you fail to notice when someone gets a new haircut. Your perception is built out of what you attend to. In the gorilla experiment, people are more likely to see the bizarre intruder if they are just allowed to watch the video without expectation, but it doesn't guarantee they will see it. Your vision narrows to a keyhole view of the world when you are focused, but it doesn't widen to take in everything when you are relaxed. You are usually ignoring the periphery or thinking about something else. When you end up in the closet wondering why you walked in there, you stand there and blink like a sleepwalker who just awoke because in many ways, this is what you are when the spell of your attention breaks.

The problem with inattentional blindness is not that it happens so often, it's that you don't believe it happens. Instead believe you see the whole world in front of you. In any event where eyewitnesses or close inspection are key, your tendency to believe you have perfect perception and recall leads to mistakes in judgment of your own mind and the minds of others. Human eyes aren't video cameras, and the memories formed aren't videos.

________________

I hope both of these excerpts help guys who are nervous about going out into the world wearing heels. They underscore what many of us have found out by doing it: most people don't notice. We're so wrapped up in ourselves, we just THINK they do. We are not so smart.

Steve

[strappy]

interesting read that Steve . . One thing I do find is that when i'm going out, when I actually find somewhere to go for a wander I'm too nervous to get out the car, but once i'm out of the car, i'm ok and it feels as though I want to be seen and caught !

[Rockpup]

For me the period walking from the car to the store/etc is the worst. Not sure why parking lots are far louder then inside stores when it comes to hearing your own heels.

[Histiletto]

I have to be at work really early in the morning and in the preparation of getting there, from waking up to leaving from my car for the door of starting work, I am wearing heels until the last minutes of getting out of my car. I usually pack my work shoes along to change into at the last minutes. One morning, I forgot to pack my work shoes and had to walk in wearing my 4" black patent stiletto heels with pointed toes. Well, the people there were so busy with what they were incharge of, they didn't notice as I carried on as if everything was the same as usual. Of course I was nervous having no other choice, because my job depended on my being there and executing my duties right then. Later, since I had to meet with our customers, I was able to drop by my residence and pick up my work shoes to continue doing my job. This was eye opening with a lot of luck while knowing the consequences should I have been revealed. Forgetting to pack my work shoes is not an options I can afford, no matter how much I am tempted. All the psycho babble means nothing when you are put on the spot to perform your occupational duties that you have promise your boss you will do in representing the business. To make such a change like this would have to be sanctioned by the boss first and then you'd have to determine when wearing heels would be appropriate depending on the job. In this social climate, I doubt this option will happen, but there is hope for being possible.

[Curt]

Wearing heels is no problem if feel strongly about doing it. If I love the look of my heels, then I have no problem showing them off! There are home shoes I have where I just love the feel of being in them. Sometimes I wear really long bootcut pants, because I like the look of small feet and pants almost dragging along the ground. I've seen a lot of women dress like this, and think the look is hot. You almost expect people to estimate how high the heels would be without seeing them. You can worry what people think! So someone going to tell you to put on different shoes? No! What would happen if you told a woman not to wear heels? She would tell you to mind your own business!

[scrappycoco]

That's all well and good except there is a reality to be dealt with. I've been around this business for nearly 20 years. I know what the job prospects are for someone like me in my fields of expertise, and I know that if I lost my current job, I would have to relocate. I know it would affect my wife's job too.

All those employee discrimination rules don't mean jack in the real world. You may win the case, but you won't be working there anyways. The costs far outweigh the benefits. No amount of honesty will change that. I've already felt the affects in my work history in this place because of what I don't do - - - I don't need to make it worse.

I understand what you are saying. We all have are worries and concerns when it comes to jobs and family. No one knows this better than me right now. The only thing I was doing was just trying to give you the confidence to be ready for that day when someone does find out that's all nothing more nothing less.

[Gudulitooo]

Thanks to a post on this forum (but I've forgotten who posted it), I've been reading an interesting book on popular psychology called “You Are Not So Smart,” by David McRaney (Dutton, New York, 2011), which dispels a number of myths about the way people think. The following chapter is particularly relevant to those who wear or want to wear heels in public and nervously think everyone notices. As you will read, they don't.

(...)

Steve

The book you read deals with people in general not paying attention to a particular individual. Does the book explain what happened at the second encounter with one of the 10% that noticed ? Also 10% of the people noticing... It is largely enough so that the only person you absolutely don't want to notice, is informed.

Scrappycoco, thanks for your effort. I hope everything goes well for you. But how is it possible to be ready for that ? Heelster's fears are legitimate and shared. i think he is right to be careful. I mean, the only preparation I can think of is to remember Calvin (and hobbes)'s "it is not fair" and his father answers "The world is unfair, Calvin". (accept the reality, and act as cleverly as you can to stay healthy)

Histiletto : Wow, you are bold ! In the same situation, I think I would have said I will be late (for any false reason) and propose to take a sick day.

[scrappycoco]

The book you read deals with people in general not paying attention to a particular individual. Does the book explain what happened at the second encounter with one of the 10% that noticed ? Also 10% of the people noticing... It is largely enough so that the only person you absolutely don't want to notice, is informed.

Scrappycoco, thanks for your effort. I hope everything goes well for you. But how is it possible to be ready for that ? Heelster's fears are legitimate and shared. i think he is right to be careful. I mean, the only preparation I can think of is to remember Calvin (and hobbes)'s "it is not fair" and his father answers "The world is unfair, Calvin". (accept the reality, and act as cleverly as you can to stay healthy)

Histiletto : Wow, you are bold ! In the same situation, I think I would have said I will be late (for any false reason) and propose to take a sick day.

Well there really is no easy to be ready for that trust me, but with the world we live in do you think for one second that if someone wanted to find some dirt on you about anything including the type of shies you like they can't? Can you hide it? Sure! Do you want to hide it? Well that depends on the person. I spent the last 5 years working full time in public safety. I was the first to worry about someone finding out and me loosing my job. Well let's just say that someone did and it spread like a wild fire throughout the company including pictures. Now I did a very good job of keeping things hidden some how someone found out and ran with it. What I found out through this whole thing was simply this. Don't lie! Be up front if someone ask don't get defensive and try to hide it. By hiding and lying it is the worst thing you can do. Some will laugh about it, some well say it's all about you and move on and then some wont care at all. What it come down tonis this. Women have fought for their rights all there life. Women would not be where they are now if it where not for standing up for their selfs and fighting for those rights. Until we men start doing the same things we will always be left wondering the what if's? Let me ask this one question if you walked into a shoe store one day and seen a pair of high heels on the men's side and they where sized for a mans foot and made for men would it make you think differently about how, when and where you wear those shoes? If so why? Becuase someone put a label in the shoe and put it on the mens side? I know we all havre are own level of acceptance (confidence if that is what you want to call it) In the end I am not telling anyone what to do all I am trying to do is show you what is the true reality of this "monster" that we men have created are selfs. Nothing more nothing less because in the end it's all in are mind.

[Gudulitooo]

Thank you scrappycoco, very nce answer.

Let me ask this one question if you walked into a shoe store one day and seen a pair of high heels on the men's side and they where sized for a mans foot and made for men would it make you think differently about how, when and where you wear those shoes? If so why? Becuase someone put a label in the shoe and put it on the mens side?

You are absolutely right. My answer is double : for work shoes I will not change my way of thinking as I still want to wear appropriate shoes. Indeed you can buy mens creepers, opera shoes or utility kilts that I will not wear at work because here we have to sport outfits that more represent the company than my own personnality, and there are largely enough customisable details in a suit outfit, but it is still a suit and not a tuxedo.

Now for personal time, this is harder to answer you. Let's imagine I have a backyard and invite my boss to a garden party, and appear with a dressy outfit including out of the norm items, he may be a bit surprised by the duality and question my discernement and ability to properly do my job and handle the human relationships with coworkers and customers. But if he sees me at the third half-time after the rugby match, he will not question anything at all.

[Stilletto2004]

I don't think stores should have a mens, or womens section. As far as I know the only gender specific clothing is the bra and the jock strap.

[Bassheels]

I can't wear heels in my work, so I don't have that dilemma. Not sure whether I would, as I tend to keep work & out of work clothing seperate. I like to wear heels at night, I'm running around too much in the days. Most people don't notice & I don't hide them, I wear skinny jeans & so they are on display & high! Even in my tolerant city there are areas where wearing them could attract trouble, but then again, if I had dark skin I would get the same trouble. I can take my heels off. Sad but true. In the main though, people don't notice & if they do it's mainly stares. I was scared in the beginning, now the thing that concerns me the most is some of the terrible sidewalks round here. The comments quoted from the book ring true with me. I'm one of those people who clocks people's shoes before any of their other clothing, & yeah, I have to remember that not everyone else works the same way (or they would all be heels! lol!). I decided early on not to hide my heels with my clothes, as guys I've seen in heels who've done this look unstylish & a little freaky. Its almost as if their style had become prisoner to their fears, & I could feel this. With one guy, it was the heavyness in his soul I sensed before I saw what he was wearing. Of course, there could be other issues in his life too. But the guys I've seen who don't hide the footwear have seemed to be the ones having a better time.

[Steve63130]

... But the guys I've seen who don't hide the footwear have seemed to be the ones having a better time.

Perhaps, but I tend to wear longish bootcut jeans and slacks and I'm still having a great time. I do it because my wife likes it better, and if that's all it takes to get her support, I'm sure not gonna argue! So I don't know whether what you're saying is generally true or not, but for me, I hide the footwear a bit and still enjoy the experience of wearing, because I do it for the feeling, not necessarily the fashion or appearance.

Steve

[SleekHeels]

I don't think stores should have a mens, or womens section. As far as I know the only gender specific clothing is the bra and the jock strap.

I need a mens department so that all the shoes I can ignore are in one convenient location that I can avoid!

[UpBy5]

All those employee discrimination rules don't mean jack in the real world. You may win the case, but you won't be working there anyways. The costs far outweigh the benefits. No amount of honesty will change that. I've already felt the affects in my work history in this place because of what I don't do - - - I don't need to make it worse.

Yes, Heelster, a fellow realist. Sounds like you, too, have accumulated some scar tissue along the way.

[Gudulitooo]

Paralysis of analysis.

Busted. Worse than being busted wearing heels !!

thanks Kneehighs, I realize you are right.

[scrappycoco]

_{With the job that I have now could I wear heels there sure as I have seen just a few of the ladies wear them. Would I if my boss would let me? I doubt it mainly because I have to carry objects out to peoples cars for them plus get large oversized items out of storage. Is it because I was afraid to? No. Because I am working with the public for the time I am on shift and have to sell thing's to people I wouldn't. Now if I go back to collage for what I am thinking about at some point I may try to do an experiment just to see how much people actually notice, but that's way in the future. I know we all have are own level of comfort when it comes to wearing heels (men and women both). If I worked in an office setting somewhere I would most certainly wear heels. We all need to just really set back and think about the setting in which we wear them.}

[Curt]

I work in a warehouse, so it makes no sense! If I worked in a office, I would wear pumps and chunky heels every day. I got no shame about it. Its part of my everyday outfits. Heels, girls jeans, and form fitting tops. That's my look.

[rocketmann]

I just found out that my girlfriend told her girlfriend that I wear heels. I said OK, call her up and invite her over. I think it would be neat for a closer friend to come over and see me in my heels. She did call her friend but she could not come over. I asked my girlfriend what her friend thought about me in heels. She told me she thought it was cool. I use this when I think that people are going to be negative toward me. You know usually you might get some looks, but really that's not bad. I have learned that if you are wearing heels in public and wear bulky disguise's and try and hide from people then it looks like you are doing something wrong. Throw the shoulders back walk with confidence, say hello to people who look and you will have a good time. Don't let others rain on your parade. The more heelers out there the better for all of us.

[SF]

Rocket.... It' cool that your g/f is OK with you wearing heels. I am fortunate that my wife is OK with me wearing heels also. I have ben wearing heels in public for about 16 years, and would love to see another guy out in heels, but that has yet to happen. As you said, the more heelers out there the better for all of us!! Take care, sf

[Stilletto2004]

I need a mens department so that all the shoes I can ignore are in one convenient location that I can avoid!

Ha! Now that's funny!

[Curt]

I went into aldos last year. I figured a needed at least one pair on mens shoes. I have 50 pairs of girls shoes. All the time I was there, I was lusting after the high heels. You're not the only one that hates mens shoes!

[Steve63130]

I suspect that a lot of us hate men's shoes. I know I do. Steve

[FreshinHeels]

I suspect that a lot of us hate men's shoes. I know I do.

Steve

yep same here need other pair went to zillion shops but can't find a nice pair

[LuvyourShoes]

Ditto on the hate men's shoes thought. I own more shoes that come from the women's department than men's. All my loafers and other everyday shoes... women's section! The comparison between going from men's shoes to women's shoes is like going from Kansas to Oz... :-) Glad I made the jump!

[Steve63130]

Oz glad, too! (lol) Steve