D'ohh...

[radiodave]

Been away a while, and had to share the reason why guys and heels is still very much a misunderstood and not readily accepted thing. My girlfriend of 3 weeks and I were moving along rapidly (she may even be reading this now), and in the midst of sharing our "unknowns", had to let the cat out of the bag. Never was a better example of YOU HAVE TO LET YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS KNOW! It can't end well if you don't, and it may not end well if you do. My case was the latter, and was not the desirable outcome.

[Ppjames12]

Well done at least you told her in the early days that's the important thing good for you !!

[radiodave]

Agreed, and I'm not ashamed of it, nor does it make me think I'm what she now thinks I am. Sad that I upset her, but I wish her well. On the other hand, learned a few things about her in the meantime that may have been problematic later on. Still, any guy here who chooses to hide it from their wives/girlfriends/boyfriends or what have you, I can only say that you have to choose your path wisely. Better to get the big secrets out in the open early, because you can either end in a crash now, or end in a major disaster later.

[Dr. Shoe]

My wife knew I was a TGirl and wore heels in male mode before we even started dating.

[Bubba136]

If there is even the slightest chance that a relationship will advance to the stage where marriage is being thought of, the man wearing heels has an obligation to reveal his entire personality to the prospective bride so she can take her decision based upon the entire and total truth. And, the same goes for the bride. She is also obligated to expose her entire personality, too.

[Dawn HH]

Radiodave:-) It may have been an obstacle between you and her but it was best that you both found out before things got too deep into the future. Now that leaves you both open to find someone else that is better suited to each other. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[skirtedvik]

My girlfriend supports male fashion equality, so there must be other women that do the same.hope you find one. My view of fashion equality is that men should wear whatever they want as MEN and be socially accepted ,as women have already accomplished that.

[loswabs]

Been away a while, and had to share the reason why guys and heels is still very much a misunderstood and not readily accepted thing. My girlfriend of 3 weeks and I were moving along rapidly (she may even be reading this now), and in the midst of sharing our "unknowns", had to let the cat out of the bag. Never was a better example of YOU HAVE TO LET YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS KNOW! It can't end well if you don't, and it may not end well if you do. My case was the latter, and was not the desirable outcome.

Sorry to hear what seemed like a promising relationship has turned sour. Did your gf she you in heels? Did she understand why you like to wear them? It's a shame that your choice of shoes has turned your gf against you. But hey, they'll be other girls and there are plenty who are opened minded enough to accept and embrace their guy's fetishes and fashion taste. I know - I have one.

Best of luck to you

[docs41]

Sorry things turned out like they did, but as you said you learned some things that may have caused problems later on in the relationship. As loswabs said there are plenty of ladies out there who will accept us along with our choice of footwear. After all, we know that our shoes aren't really a problem except for those who are not as open-minded. Your time (and lady) will come. Good luck....

[Histiletto]

If only people were open minded enough to realize that liberation and equal rights are for everyone. Desires and feelings are personal manifestations of an individual's needs to be the person they are. When these are denied fulfillment, the person is left with a loss in the puzzle or segment of life's wholeness. Isn't the experiencing the fullness of life one of the reasons for living, especially in this enlightened era? The technologies to increase life expectancy are finding new ways to cure and regenerate the human body from injuries and imperfections. Open heart surgury, hip replacements, dental transplants, organ donations, corrective surgury for cleft palates are only some of the many life improving technologies that are now possible. We often hear of kidneys and other organs being donated by a man or a woman to be implanted into a relative or friend who may be a female or a male child or adult. Why is it so hard to think that men and women share the same desires, like wearing heels.

[blender]

to many negatives and not enough positives whys in the world as to why we do what we do and because of this people have a knee jerk reaction to the thought of it.

[Maximilian]

You did the right thing Radiodave even though it didn't turn out the way you wanted. Better to find out early than later and have the secret eat you up. There are plenty of fish out there, some would actually like to see their men in heels. We are who we are and shouldn't be ashamed of it. If a woman or anyone judges you by the shoes you wear, they are the ones with issues.

[Guest]

boy, do I agree with you there max!

[Dawn HH]

Very well said, Max. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[wood&metal]

Sorry, radiodave.. You're a good man for being up front... I wish I'd have told the last girl I was with before I eventually did... Wasted time we'll never get back.... In the long run, it's worth the awkward few moments that it takes to tell someone...

[vassies]

radiodave, sorry to here how it turned out but well done for being honest We are who we are and shouldn't be ashamed of it. If a woman or anyone judges you by the shoes you wear, they are the ones with issues.

[radiodave]

Thanks all, and Max said it best. She was raising a few other red flags too, so it was not the end of the world. I agree with you Max, if she judges me by the shoes I wear, then she had the issue. Too bad, she seemed open minded on other things that folks have strong opinions on, and even thought my new earrings looked cool. Even when I let on that it was recently that I pierced my ears, she was impressed that I wasn't afraid to "buck conventional thinking". Oh well, try, try again.

[benno]

Did you tell her or did she see you in heels? These are very different situations. Some people just can't compute things without seeing them. I told my girlfriend about my way of dressing before we even had our first kiss. I think it's the only way to do things if you want a reliable outcome. Now, 5 years later and living together for 3, she buys me high heels and we share a flat full of amazing clothes and shoes. I guess we are proof that it can work out fine. There's nothing special about me. I just really like being honest with myself and those around me. Good luck with future relationships, Ben

[johnieheel]

I tell people right up front, even if I just meat someone, male or female. I always try to throw in a little something about, I wear high heels. 1st things 1st.

[CPB]

Sorry to hear about your bad luck with the gf. My wife & I were fairly far into our relationship when she found out, and luckily, she's willing to life with it. She's doesn't really like the idea of me wearing heels, but as long as it stays at home, she's willing to live with it . I feel it's also a case of compromise, there must be give & take in a relationship. She let's me wear high heels as long as it stays at home.

[chris100575]

Sorry to hear about the way things worked out Dave, sounds like she wasn't the right girl for you. I told my GF about my heels the day we met because I didn't want to invest too much in the relationship if she was going to be freaked out by it. That was over three years ago now and next year we're getting married! She's quite happy for me to totter around in stilettos when the fancy takes me. Accepting women are out there, I'm not the only one to have found one.

[vector]

Chris100575, Congrats on finding that great woman and your upcoming marriage!

[radiodave]

My congrats too Chris . Yes, there are women who accept it and even encourage it, but finding them is the tricky part. With this last one there was no way, no how about it after I told her. Guess there's no easy way about it other than just say "By the way, I wear women's shoes, including heels, and I wear them in public sometimes since I like the look". Too bad a high percentage of them will immediately think "Queer! Gay! Scary!" Oh to find someone who says "Way cool! We'll have to go shoe shopping together!".

[malinheels]

Hey there radiodave I'm coming out of along term relationship with my wife who just could not accept that "that is who i was" apart from my heel & skirt wearing whjch i didn't do in front of her she couldn't get past it so i've decided if i'm going to meet women it will be wearing a skirt & heels & then they know thats the true me & i'm not hiding anything & let me also say it does attract women cheers malinheels

[Maximilian]

Hey there radiodave I'm coming out of along term relationship with my wife who just could not accept that "that is who i was" apart from my heel & skirt wearing whjch i didn't do in front of her she couldn't get past it so i've decided if i'm going to meet women it will be wearing a skirt & heels & then they know thats the true me & i'm not hiding anything & let me also say it does attract women cheers malinheels

sorry to hear that malinheels. I do hope that your next partner will be more than accepting to your fashion choices.

I would only suggest that you do not show up to the first meet/date wearing feminine attire for the simple reason that during those first meetings, each side looks for ANYTHING that might be a problem. If she just met you and doesn't know much about you, she'll ONLY remember your heels/skirt. Depending on how well the first date went, I'd tell/show her on the second/third dates when she has had the chance to like you for other reasons. If she likes your style, it would be the icing on the cake.

[Dawn HH]

My way of thinking too, Max. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[kneehighs]

sorry to hear that malinheels. I do hope that your next partner will be more than accepting to your fashion choices.

I would only suggest that you do not show up to the first meet/date wearing feminine attire for the simple reason that during those first meetings, each side looks for ANYTHING that might be a problem. If she just met you and doesn't know much about you, she'll ONLY remember your heels/skirt. Depending on how well the first date went, I'd tell/show her on the second/third dates when she has had the chance to like you for other reasons. If she likes your style, it would be the icing on the cake.

My way of thinking too, Max.

Cheers---

Dawn HH

Hey I think the better angle is to find an approach customized to suit malin's unique current life goals. To me, the above approach assumes personally disempowering beliefs about dating:

-- the girl is even worthy of a second or third date, regardless of your own personal standards or in this case by Malin's own specific criteria--regardless of whether she approves of male heel wearing or not. Maybe she has serious unresolved childhood issues....maybe she's lazy and doesn't know what she wants...maybe she's an alcoholic?

--the underlying frame of this approach is a scarcity mentality: like there's not enough new girls to go around so you always have to play it safe.

--a state of supplication. A state of being attached to a future outcome instead of just enjoying the moment. You start all first dates by being attached to have a second and third date? A hot girl will thin slice and smell that premature desire for a relationship a mile away. She'll be gone before you can change your heels into flats. Why not just enjoy "being in the present moment" on your first dates? Detach from the outcome and have fun in heels on the first date I say.

Would you rather have a bad date and have at least enjoyed yourself in heels or have a bad date and played it safe? What will you regret more on your death bed: wearing heels on a first date and driving away a closed minded woman or playing it safe only to later realize you weren't compatible to begin with?

Not all dates work out past the first, regardless of male heel wearing. And given the truth is that there is an abundance of girls in the world, a literal infinite supply, I'd say go for the heels on the first date.

You only live once.

[Guest]

well, your so right max, I do believe thats whats called "1st impressions" & those tend to stick to one's mind in this kind of senario. better be safe than sorry (I know, old saying but it does work)

[Steve63130]

I agree with kneehighs. Wear what you want, and if you scare her away, so be it. If she comes back for a second date, you may have a keeper. Look at all the posturing you've just eliminated. She's accepting and you can discuss more important things about the relationship. And besides, you may have impressed her with your confidence and boldness in wearing what you like. Not all women look for stereotypical macho men. Many want a guy who is sensitive, compassionate, and confident in his masculinity. Nothing says those things like a pair of high heels as part of a well planned outfit. Steve

[Simcity3]

Me and the GF met each other in a shoe store:D so there Kinda wasn't anything to tell about it:D