roniheels Posted June 1, 2010 Share Posted June 1, 2010 radiodave ... Good for you being upfront with your friend. As others have said, even though it was not the result you wanted or were expecting, it is good to find out early on. I was not up front in my marriage and it cost me. Since then, I have been honest about my wearing of high heels with two women I was seeing and they ended abruptly, not exactly what I was expecting. But, if they cannot accept me wearing high heels, that's their problem, not mine. Good to see you moving on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radiodave Posted June 1, 2010 Author Share Posted June 1, 2010 Right on, Roni. Thanks for sharing. I'm not too bent out of shape, she was already raising some red flags of her own, so I figured it's time to put out my potential red flag. Turned out it was a major one for her, but like my ex-wife says, you gotta be your own person. If people can't accept you for being you, then you don't need them. In her case, if she's too ignorant to realize that wearing shoes, albeit unusual ones, doesn't mean you want to go shack up with another guy or get a sex change, then that's her problem. My ex accepted it, so I know they exist, even if they are a little harder to find. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maximilian Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 In her case, if she's too ignorant to realize that wearing shoes, albeit unusual ones, doesn't mean you want to go shack up with another guy or get a sex change I'm always disappointed when a person who I've met seems to be a nice, only to find out how primitive and closed minded they are with regard to a few subjects. Even if they are really good people, those thoughts of theirs really affect my opinion about them for the worse. They always think that the way they behave and react IS the normality and that anyone showing some signs of different behavior/ideas is considered abnormal. Take some of the guys at my current new job, all very friendly and helpful at work. However, a conversation during lunch (They don't know about my diverse fashion style) revealed to me that most of them are homophobic and that they consider a man who shows any sign of androgynous behavior and fashion style (piercings in this case) as being gay, not normal or as one guy said, "a faggot". Sure, it's a conversation between guys and no one even considered that someone among them might be gay or take offense to this. I wasn't personally offended but thought how moronic these guys opinion were. Then some of them start talking about how much fun they have while hunting for sport and that how much they hate cats and would gladly kill any stray they encounter. As an animal lover, I found this way of thinking appalling. I'm a very calm and patient person who doesn't get angry easily. However, if I ever catch a person torturing a helpless animal, that person is in serious danger and I'd be in serious danger of going to prison. Others listening agree and laughed and I just keep quiet while thinking to myself that these guys seriously have issues. What's funny is that they think that they are normal. It just shows that the term normal is very subjective. After lunch, we went back to work and were buddies again like the conversation never happened but they have lost lots of points with me. Be careful who you reveal your freestyling to. Always try and test the waters beforehand, especially when telling people that might affect your career and personal life. I would never bring up my freestyling at this job (there's no need for it even if all of the guys there were open minded). If someone spots me in public, so be it but I'd never mention it on my own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 I can agree with you there, Max, it just goes to show you how people (a lot of other guys in this case) in society are taught to think, & like my late grandma would say: "consider the source" when being around people in cases like this. moronic indeed, hell- that kind never seems to learn to grow up to be a mature adult, it seems to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lorriette Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 max, your thread highlights why I prefer to present myself in a feminine manner. The macho bullshit your collegues portray is one of the things I feel strongly against, and when I discovered my liking for heels and skirts, age 9 or 10, fought many battles to lead an open lifestyle. That doesn't mean I approve or condone public shows of affection by gay couples, and even excessive shows by straight couples. Odd, perhaps, but everyone has some views that that clash with the mass viewpoint. totter along into history Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyFeat Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Dave, I have been following this thread, but haven't had much time to compose a reply, but wanted to tell you that I am both sorry and glad for you- sorry that a relationship ended poorly but glad that you took the initiative and did the right thing. It seemed to me that there were other reasons other than heels that were coming to light anyway. Being upfront and honest is the best way to be. And, take it from me, it will work out for you eventually. Gender is such an odd thing. I have never been a guy who was into the macho BS that Max was talking about, in fact I have always found it t o be a big turn off. Throughout my life, I have been happy to see that women have options in their lives that they didn't have before, however the same courtesy hasn't been paid to men. I know dozens of women who embrace traditional male hobbies such as hunting, fishing, golf, etc. but if you are a guy who is into fashion, decorating, etc. it still somehow makes you less of a man. Recently, I found out that I am going to be the father of a daughter. Somebody told me to be sure that she is raised knowing that she can do anything a boy can do. Of course I would do that. However, I don't think that anybody would have told be the opposite had my child been a son. It would have never even come up. Its like when I went back to school to get my degree in library science. I had worked in libraries and had been one of a handful of men, but never really noticed. When I got to school, I found out that less than 10% of professional librarians are male. Does that make me less of a man. We talk a lot about security and confidence on this site. Usually this has to do with us - as guys who enjoy exploring alternative fashion. However, the women in our lives have to be confident and non-traditional as well. A woman who would react in a way that would see our desire to wear heels as anything more than wearing any shoes is not going to be accepting, tolerant - let alone supportive. When the fear of being with somebody as "less than a man" comes into the equation, all is lost. However, I can say with absolute certainty that there are women who don't place the worth of a man based solely on their choice of footwear. The trick is to find them. Besides, you have GREAT shoes and MUST have somebody who appreciates that. Your collection needs to go on dates...Good luck! Style is built from the ground up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radiodave Posted August 24, 2010 Author Share Posted August 24, 2010 I haven't posted much lately, but this whole shebang left me thinking. We actually got back together, and I donated a bunch of shoes to charity. We stuck it out for a little while but still more red flags came up, and finally I got fed up with her level of immaturity and called it quits. Then her really immature side came out. Well, I don't regret making the concerted effort, but I sure don't regret calling it quits. At least with my ex-wife we remained friends and still stay in touch, but this girl made it necessary to block her phone number, block her on FB (including her mom!), and add her e-mail to the spam filters. The sticky part I'm thinking about is the lust for shoes won't change. Strangely, I don't miss the ones I gave away. I think I much prefer seeing women in them though. I guess I still wish that we could wear whatever the heck we want, and either have folks be completely indifferent to it, or (fingers crossed) think it's cool. The pitfall is not everyone is cool with it, or, if women think it's cool, they may not be so accepting if it's their BF who wants to wear them. The other day I went to see a theater production where there were lots of ladies wearing lovely heels, and thought how much I would love to be able to do the same - but I was there on a second date with someone and realized she might not be cool with that at all. The sticky balance I haven't figured out yet is do you a) say "to heck with what other people think, I'm going to wear what I like", or try not to make people think you've got some loose screws because you happen to think women's shoes are way more cool than guys' shoes. I'm sure I speak for a bunch of us that I wish I could wave a magic wand and be able to to wear whatever nice shoes I like whenever I please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raymond.nl Posted August 24, 2010 Share Posted August 24, 2010 The sticky balance I haven't figured out yet is do you a) say "to heck with what other people think, I'm going to wear what I like", or try not to make people think you've got some loose screws because you happen to think women's shoes are way more cool than guys' shoes. Ever since I've adopted the "to heck ..." attitude I've found that more people are sincerely interested in what I think. Sometimes people plainly ask about my loose screws and I tell them that the world would be a better place if more people loosened up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lorriette Posted August 25, 2010 Share Posted August 25, 2010 I think you may have missed an oppertunity to feel her opinion on mens heels here. The other day I went to see a theater production where there were lots of ladies wearing lovely heels, and thought how much I would love to be able to do the same - but I was there on a second date with someone and realized she might not be cool with that at all. totter along into history Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kneehighs Posted August 25, 2010 Share Posted August 25, 2010 ...The other day I went to see a theater production where there were lots of ladies wearing lovely heels, and thought how much I would love to be able to do the same - but I was there on a second date with someone and realized she might not be cool with that at all. The sticky balance I haven't figured out yet is do you a) say "to heck with what other people think, I'm going to wear what I like", or try not to make people think you've got some loose screws because you happen to think women's shoes are way more cool than guys' shoes. I'm sure I speak for a bunch of us that I wish I could wave a magic wand and be able to to wear whatever nice shoes I like whenever I please. At least you are out there dating and building your skill set. You know from experience that if you miss this bus, there will always be another one coming in just a short while. I think the problem for a lot of guys is they approach dating with a limited mind frame, a scarcity mentality that sabotages their power from the get go. To a lot of guys, especially here, getting a date is such a rare incident, they wind up driving the woman off regardless of whether heels are part of the equation or not. In my experience, only a select few women embrace it, the majority tolerate it, and a select few abhor it (deal killer). Personally, I've never had a girl walk off I wore heels on a date with. Why not come up with a conversational routine that qualifies the girls ability to think independently for herself, regardless of what other people think? This is a trait that will have to be present in a woman in order for her to accept you wearing heels in public. If you isolate and test for that trait from the beginning and find it lacking, you cut your losses short and move on to the next girl. Feminine Style . Masculine Soul. Skin In The Game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve63130 Posted August 25, 2010 Share Posted August 25, 2010 You're exactly right, Kneehighs. It's a numbers game, and the more frogs you kiss, the more likely you'll find the right princess, as I told Mal in another thread. Dave, since we've met in person and I know what you look like, I'd say you have everything going for you - good looks, good personality, and good sense of fashion. I'm glad to see you dating, and I wish you all the best in finding a special woman who is in tune with your desires to wear heels. Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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