radiodave Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Been away a while, and had to share the reason why guys and heels is still very much a misunderstood and not readily accepted thing. My girlfriend of 3 weeks and I were moving along rapidly (she may even be reading this now), and in the midst of sharing our "unknowns", had to let the cat out of the bag. Never was a better example of YOU HAVE TO LET YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS KNOW! It can't end well if you don't, and it may not end well if you do. My case was the latter, and was not the desirable outcome.
Ppjames12 Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Well done at least you told her in the early days that's the important thing good for you !! We are all hear fir the same reason HEELS!!!
radiodave Posted May 14, 2010 Author Posted May 14, 2010 Agreed, and I'm not ashamed of it, nor does it make me think I'm what she now thinks I am. Sad that I upset her, but I wish her well. On the other hand, learned a few things about her in the meantime that may have been problematic later on. Still, any guy here who chooses to hide it from their wives/girlfriends/boyfriends or what have you, I can only say that you have to choose your path wisely. Better to get the big secrets out in the open early, because you can either end in a crash now, or end in a major disaster later.
Dr. Shoe Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 My wife knew I was a TGirl and wore heels in male mode before we even started dating. Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects.
Bubba136 Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 If there is even the slightest chance that a relationship will advance to the stage where marriage is being thought of, the man wearing heels has an obligation to reveal his entire personality to the prospective bride so she can take her decision based upon the entire and total truth. And, the same goes for the bride. She is also obligated to expose her entire personality, too. Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public.
Dawn HH Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 Radiodave:-) It may have been an obstacle between you and her but it was best that you both found out before things got too deep into the future. Now that leaves you both open to find someone else that is better suited to each other. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever!
skirtedvik Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 My girlfriend supports male fashion equality, so there must be other women that do the same.hope you find one. My view of fashion equality is that men should wear whatever they want as MEN and be socially accepted ,as women have already accomplished that.
loswabs Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 Been away a while, and had to share the reason why guys and heels is still very much a misunderstood and not readily accepted thing. My girlfriend of 3 weeks and I were moving along rapidly (she may even be reading this now), and in the midst of sharing our "unknowns", had to let the cat out of the bag. Never was a better example of YOU HAVE TO LET YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS KNOW! It can't end well if you don't, and it may not end well if you do. My case was the latter, and was not the desirable outcome. Sorry to hear what seemed like a promising relationship has turned sour. Did your gf she you in heels? Did she understand why you like to wear them? It's a shame that your choice of shoes has turned your gf against you. But hey, they'll be other girls and there are plenty who are opened minded enough to accept and embrace their guy's fetishes and fashion taste. I know - I have one. Best of luck to you It's my opinion, no more, no less
docs41 Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 Sorry things turned out like they did, but as you said you learned some things that may have caused problems later on in the relationship. As loswabs said there are plenty of ladies out there who will accept us along with our choice of footwear. After all, we know that our shoes aren't really a problem except for those who are not as open-minded. Your time (and lady) will come. Good luck.... If the shoe fits-buy it!!!!!!
Histiletto Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 If only people were open minded enough to realize that liberation and equal rights are for everyone. Desires and feelings are personal manifestations of an individual's needs to be the person they are. When these are denied fulfillment, the person is left with a loss in the puzzle or segment of life's wholeness. Isn't the experiencing the fullness of life one of the reasons for living, especially in this enlightened era? The technologies to increase life expectancy are finding new ways to cure and regenerate the human body from injuries and imperfections. Open heart surgury, hip replacements, dental transplants, organ donations, corrective surgury for cleft palates are only some of the many life improving technologies that are now possible. We often hear of kidneys and other organs being donated by a man or a woman to be implanted into a relative or friend who may be a female or a male child or adult. Why is it so hard to think that men and women share the same desires, like wearing heels.
blender Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 to many negatives and not enough positives whys in the world as to why we do what we do and because of this people have a knee jerk reaction to the thought of it.
Maximilian Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 You did the right thing Radiodave even though it didn't turn out the way you wanted. Better to find out early than later and have the secret eat you up. There are plenty of fish out there, some would actually like to see their men in heels. We are who we are and shouldn't be ashamed of it. If a woman or anyone judges you by the shoes you wear, they are the ones with issues.
Dawn HH Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 Very well said, Max. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever!
wood&metal Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Sorry, radiodave.. You're a good man for being up front... I wish I'd have told the last girl I was with before I eventually did... Wasted time we'll never get back.... In the long run, it's worth the awkward few moments that it takes to tell someone... Never frown because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
vassies Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 radiodave, sorry to here how it turned out but well done for being honest We are who we are and shouldn't be ashamed of it. If a woman or anyone judges you by the shoes you wear, they are the ones with issues.
radiodave Posted May 18, 2010 Author Posted May 18, 2010 Thanks all, and Max said it best. She was raising a few other red flags too, so it was not the end of the world. I agree with you Max, if she judges me by the shoes I wear, then she had the issue. Too bad, she seemed open minded on other things that folks have strong opinions on, and even thought my new earrings looked cool. Even when I let on that it was recently that I pierced my ears, she was impressed that I wasn't afraid to "buck conventional thinking". Oh well, try, try again.
benno Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Did you tell her or did she see you in heels? These are very different situations. Some people just can't compute things without seeing them. I told my girlfriend about my way of dressing before we even had our first kiss. I think it's the only way to do things if you want a reliable outcome. Now, 5 years later and living together for 3, she buys me high heels and we share a flat full of amazing clothes and shoes. I guess we are proof that it can work out fine. There's nothing special about me. I just really like being honest with myself and those around me. Good luck with future relationships, Ben
johnieheel Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 I tell people right up front, even if I just meat someone, male or female. I always try to throw in a little something about, I wear high heels. 1st things 1st. real men wear heels
CPB Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Sorry to hear about your bad luck with the gf. My wife & I were fairly far into our relationship when she found out, and luckily, she's willing to life with it. She's doesn't really like the idea of me wearing heels, but as long as it stays at home, she's willing to live with it . I feel it's also a case of compromise, there must be give & take in a relationship. She let's me wear high heels as long as it stays at home.
chris100575 Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Sorry to hear about the way things worked out Dave, sounds like she wasn't the right girl for you. I told my GF about my heels the day we met because I didn't want to invest too much in the relationship if she was going to be freaked out by it. That was over three years ago now and next year we're getting married! She's quite happy for me to totter around in stilettos when the fancy takes me. Accepting women are out there, I'm not the only one to have found one.
vector Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Chris100575, Congrats on finding that great woman and your upcoming marriage!
radiodave Posted May 19, 2010 Author Posted May 19, 2010 My congrats too Chris . Yes, there are women who accept it and even encourage it, but finding them is the tricky part. With this last one there was no way, no how about it after I told her. Guess there's no easy way about it other than just say "By the way, I wear women's shoes, including heels, and I wear them in public sometimes since I like the look". Too bad a high percentage of them will immediately think "Queer! Gay! Scary!" Oh to find someone who says "Way cool! We'll have to go shoe shopping together!".
malinheels Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 Hey there radiodave I'm coming out of along term relationship with my wife who just could not accept that "that is who i was" apart from my heel & skirt wearing whjch i didn't do in front of her she couldn't get past it so i've decided if i'm going to meet women it will be wearing a skirt & heels & then they know thats the true me & i'm not hiding anything & let me also say it does attract women cheers malinheels
Maximilian Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 Hey there radiodave I'm coming out of along term relationship with my wife who just could not accept that "that is who i was" apart from my heel & skirt wearing whjch i didn't do in front of her she couldn't get past it so i've decided if i'm going to meet women it will be wearing a skirt & heels & then they know thats the true me & i'm not hiding anything & let me also say it does attract women cheers malinheels sorry to hear that malinheels. I do hope that your next partner will be more than accepting to your fashion choices. I would only suggest that you do not show up to the first meet/date wearing feminine attire for the simple reason that during those first meetings, each side looks for ANYTHING that might be a problem. If she just met you and doesn't know much about you, she'll ONLY remember your heels/skirt. Depending on how well the first date went, I'd tell/show her on the second/third dates when she has had the chance to like you for other reasons. If she likes your style, it would be the icing on the cake.
Dawn HH Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 My way of thinking too, Max. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever!
Guest Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 well, your so right max, I do believe thats whats called "1st impressions" & those tend to stick to one's mind in this kind of senario. better be safe than sorry (I know, old saying but it does work)
Steve63130 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I agree with kneehighs. Wear what you want, and if you scare her away, so be it. If she comes back for a second date, you may have a keeper. Look at all the posturing you've just eliminated. She's accepting and you can discuss more important things about the relationship. And besides, you may have impressed her with your confidence and boldness in wearing what you like. Not all women look for stereotypical macho men. Many want a guy who is sensitive, compassionate, and confident in his masculinity. Nothing says those things like a pair of high heels as part of a well planned outfit. Steve
Simcity3 Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Me and the GF met each other in a shoe store:D so there Kinda wasn't anything to tell about it:D http://meinheels.wordpress.com/
roniheels Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 radiodave ... Good for you being upfront with your friend. As others have said, even though it was not the result you wanted or were expecting, it is good to find out early on. I was not up front in my marriage and it cost me. Since then, I have been honest about my wearing of high heels with two women I was seeing and they ended abruptly, not exactly what I was expecting. But, if they cannot accept me wearing high heels, that's their problem, not mine. Good to see you moving on.
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