Straight or gay?

[XtremeHeels]

I don't think being gay has anything to do with why guys like to wear heels. I am a straight guy who just loves to wear high heels but when I am wearing them they do infact bring out my femine side!!!

[Heel-Lover]

Hi, I too think that wearing high heels is unrelated to being straight or gay. Most people I meet think I am gay. Its just an assumption they make because of the extravagant way I tend to dress. I think it may be quite the opposite, I have some gay friends who are not at all interested in high heels or dresses/skirts or accessories. I have had a lot of straight guys I meet at bars/ cafes etc talk to me about my wearing high heels and how they would like to try heels but could never muster the courage. Cheers Heel-Lover

[yozz]

Most pages that I encountered with statistical information agree on that indeed wearing heels and things like that are on the whole unrelated with being gay or not. There is an interesting book about this: "My husband Betty" by Helen Boyd. She also mentions that at one time they are on a cruise with many cross dressers and the best evening they had was when many of them dropped the female acting and acted as men in women clothes. Or in short: more like fashion freedom, but she did not know that word at the time she wrote the book. It gives me the impression that there are many men who try to pass as women because that is the only way they think they fit into a society accepted category, but actually would be much happier walking around as a man with women clothes (and may not all but just selected items). It is just that many people are apparently fascinated by a small subcategory of gays who dress in women clothes and because of that start putting labels in completely wrong ways, both on gays and on men in women clothes. And that labeling is so strong that if you just wear one item of the wrong shelve, many will call you gay already. This happened also when men started to have piercings in their ears and wearing very little ornamentations there. Now few will have second thoughts about that. Y.

[JSLS]

It gives me the impression that there are many men who try to pass as women because that is the only way they think they fit into a society accepted category, but actually would be much happier walking around as a man with women clothes (and may not all but just selected items).

This makes so much sense. Do any of HHP's crossdressing men feel that way?

[Geho]

Most pages that I encountered with statistical information agree on that indeed wearing heels and things like that are on the whole unrelated with being gay or not.

There is an interesting book about this: "My husband Betty" by Helen Boyd. She also mentions that at one time they are on a cruise with many cross dressers and the best evening they had was when many of them dropped the female acting and acted as men in women clothes. Or in short: more like fashion freedom, but she did not know that word at the time she wrote the book. It gives me the impression that there are many men who try to pass as women because that is the only way they think they fit into a society accepted category, but actually would be much happier walking around as a man with women clothes (and may not all but just selected items).

It is just that many people are apparently fascinated by a small subcategory of gays who dress in women clothes and because of that start putting labels in completely wrong ways, both on gays and on men in women clothes. And that labeling is so strong that if you just wear one item of the wrong shelve, many will call you gay already. This happened also when men started to have piercings in their ears and wearing very little ornamentations there. Now few will have second thoughts about that.

Y.

Do you know where can I get that book as eBook, I can't get physical copy in my country

[Steve63130]

Amazon has it for their Kindle.

http://www.amazon.com/My-Husband-Betty-Crossdresser-ebook/dp/B002IUZM0S

Good luck.

Steve

[yozz]

Amazon has it for their Kindle.

http://www.amazon.com/My-Husband-Betty-Crossdresser-ebook/dp/B002IUZM0S

Good luck.

Steve

That is where I got it as well.

Y.

[Geho]

Amazon has it for their Kindle.

http://www.amazon.com/My-Husband-Betty-Crossdresser-ebook/dp/B002IUZM0S

Good luck.

Steve

Not available in Europe as well...

[aussieheels1]

When you say lingerie, is that a sexual thing?.

Not sure what is the definition of a sexual thing.... wearing lingerie and heels make me feels good.... is it always a sexual thing... probably not, but it makes me feel nice (don't really know how best to explain it)....

I'm sure most women don't wear lingerie and heels for comfort and there's an element of sexual, an element of them feeling great that they are looking great and some empowerment for them feeling attractive....

So I suppose what I'm saying is that, there's always probably some sort of sexual element to my feeling to liking to wear heels but it all comes back to me feeling great in them (let's not fool myself saying they are more comfortable then flats).... I just feel good in them as I think they look great and want to wear them all the time

btw - i'm straight but love wearing all things feminine ... go figure....

[JSLS]

Thanks for that post. Helps me to understand a little better. I actually find my boots more comfortable than my flat shoes. I wear heels mainly for the comfort, and sure, the way they make my legs look great, and make me feel good.

[Jonathan]

Straight. But I identify as femme. Heels are part of my expressing that.

[hiheellover23]

Hi my preference is straight although I have blown some people's mind in the alternative club when they see how well I can dance in my boots !!!

[JSLS]

Straight.

But I identify as femme.

Heels are part of my expressing that.

Sorry if I sound slightly stupid here but...could you elaborate? You 'identify' as femme?

[Rei]

Sorry if I sound slightly stupid here but...could you elaborate? You 'identify' as femme?

Sexual identity is how someone thinks of and displays themselves as in terms of masculine/feminine/androgynous. It isn't necessarily linked to sexual preference, that's just the norm in society, to be attracted to the opposite gender (Gender is more appropriately defined as someone's sexual identity. Sex is the physical differences). In fact, it's almost better to think of gender as a spectrum sorta like

Masculine -------------- Androgynous -------------- Feminine

and you can fall anywhere on it, but it has no impact on what sex you're attracted to.

[Jonathan]

Sorry if I sound slightly stupid here but...could you elaborate? You 'identify' as femme?

Yes.

It's an identity from an alternate binary: butch/femme — which (partly) denotes gender expression independent of binary sex (male/female). Thus you get, for example, butch women (that is women with a masculine gender expression as women — the last part is crucial) and, as in my case, femme men. And all stations in between.

There's a bit more to it (in particular, issues relating to sexuality), but that's the general idea.

If you want more explanation, just ask. I'm very happy to talk about this. Indeed, I can be very boring about it.

[JSLS]

Thanks Rei, Jonathon. Quite helpful. Education!!

[HappyinHeels]

aussieheels, Understanding gender identity can be illusive in a world that still clings to convenient labels and one is struggling to understand just who they are. Rei did a superb job explaining the basic differences. Sex is absolute, you are either male or female with the sole exception being that rare soul having the organs of both. Gender identity (sometimes seen as sexual identity) is how you present yourself based upon your desire to project a certain identity..how masculine, feminine, or androgynous a look you want to wear that day. Thinking of gender/sexual identity as a spectrum is a great idea to visualize it. Asking a genetic woman who's wearing women's jeans, a polo shirt, some earrings, and neutral color tennis shoes if she desires to be a man would be as ridiculous and offensive as asking a man wearing men's jeans, a polo shirt, earrings, and high heels if he wanted to be a woman. There is an enormous difference between suggesting one go under the knife for sexual reassignment surgery and the mere personal decision to wear the clothing. Lots of people, just like me, are happy to be their born sex I am but love the freedom to express themselves in other ways. I love the outdoors, hiking, digging in the dirt, football and the like but also like fashion magazines and good steamy Latin soap operas. Going into a pond with waist waders is great but so is going to a party with six-inch heels and my freshly-polished toes. The idea of transformation into anything you want is probably why the legitimate theatre is popular and why events like Carnaval in Rio de Janeiro, and its many other cousins around the world, are so very enjoyable to millions. Those who take the time to express themselves in that gender identity spectrum are enjoying their own piece of Carnaval. It is very important that we all find out exactly who we are. Sites like this are certainly a ggod place to start. HappyinHeels

[Tech]

If you want more explanation, just ask. I'm very happy to talk about this. Indeed, I can be very boring about it.

No thanks, its already gone way off topic... Lets get back to the topic..

[Jonathan]

No thanks, its already gone way off topic... Lets get back to the topic..

just as you like of course

[chris100575]

As far as I'm concerned my sexuality is defined by my attraction to women, not my liking for wearing some of their things. I'd only question my sexuality if I started fancying men, and I don't see that happening.

[kikepa]

Born male, am attracted to women, not men. Beyond that, things get a little fuzzy sometimes.

[dww]

Yep born male and I consider myself 100% male not into girly things only shoes, been doing it all my life only thing is I wish I knew why and no I cannot give it up.

[johnieheel]

Nope, never once did I question or doubt my being straight or gay. I have liked girl shoes from childhood and girls equally as much but I did have a problem with why girl shoes for many years until after a lot of research, talking to others, including gay friends who btw, are taking a class in sociology, and hhplace. long story short, I simply love heels and think mens shoes are ugly, flat and boring.

[SleekHeels]

Wearing heels never made me doubt my sexuality (quite the opposite, it's more like an expression of my adoration of femininity). I think the sense of conflict was more to do with doubting my masculinity in relation to the social stereotypes that are so influential in the formative years. I probably didn't resolve that conflict internally until my late 20's, and only resolved it externally (i.e. found the confidence to wear my heels in public) now in my late 30's. One thing that does bug me about being presumed gay is the assumption that I'm wearing heels to attract or please men. Perhaps women in heels receive disapproving reactions based on the same assumption. It's only other high-heel wearers who appreciate the pure joy of wearing them. Would you still wear heels if there were no men in the world? I certainly would. Would you still wear heels if there were no women in the world? I think perhaps I'd be slightly less inclined to.