A very interesting read

[P08C]

I just read this fascinating article by a military man who wore a pair of heels to a military function. The man in question is gay and he discusses his life experiences as a homosexual Male in a very alpha male type environment. Although the article discusses his homosexuality it is most definitely centered around him wearing heels to make a statement about equality. 

 

The biggest thing I took away from this article is that no matter who you are, or where you come from, this thing that we like doing isn't easy. It's a challenge every step of the way. Your fears are validated and there's nothing wrong with being scared. Don't let your fears control you. Even though it is okay to be scared you can't let those fears dictate how you live your life. Be the best you that you can be, and live your life the way you want. 

 

I challenge all of you, "out" or "closeted", to put on those heels, acknowledge your nerves, sweat a few bullets, take a breath, and do that thing you've always wanted to do in heels. This guy is living proof that you can do it, and you don't have to be ashamed. Push yourself to new heights, and challenge yourself to be happy. 

 

Happy heeling!

 

[SF]

Hmmmmm......   OK, here we go again, associating wearing high heels with being homosexual.  Too bad the two (gay and high heels) are consistently referenced together.  

But I will say, the guy (if the story is true) did have a lot of courage....  Good for him, gay or straight....   sf

 

[Shyheels]

I agree - I too weary of the constant - almost Pavlovian - linkage of men wearing heels and homosexuality. 

[P08C]

Why are you so critical of a connection being drawn between homosexuality and males who wear high heels? There's nothing wrong with either of those. Why does it matter to you how an outside observer interprets your sexual identity? You know the truth, your significant other knows the truth, and your friends and family know the truth. To me, the only time this becomes a problem is if the person mis-identifying me begins to berate me for being who I am.

If you think about it, the are quite a few parallels that can be drawn between a straight man who wants to wear heels and a homosexual man. The two experiences are very similar. All the way from living a life  in the closet to worrying about how society will accept you if your secret is discovered.

Besides, I don't think the article ever said "I wear high heels because I'm gay" or "I'm gay because I wear heels." The two were discussed in conjunction, and also discussed in conjunction with gender identity as well. I can't think of a better way to subtly challenge social constructs of gender identity than being a man wearing heels as a man. 

His story, and nervousness wearing heels in public, would've fit in perfectly in one of those standard introduction posts we see here. I've posted a few of those and his description of what was going through his head and how he felt beforehand was dead on to how all of us felt our first time going out. 

In the end, if the reason someone doesn't want to wear their heels in public is because they don't want to be labeled as gay, then I think that individual has a lot more insecurities to work on than just wearing high heels.

Edited March 30, 2019 by P08C

[Shyheels]

I couldn’t care less what some stranger thinks - the point of the criticism being that if men wearing heels is persistently linked with homosexuality, the chances of it’s ever being accepted as a valid fashion choice by the rank and file is virtually nil. It isn’t a matter of any one individual worried about being labelled, it is a matter of having the idea of men wearing heels being seen as a valid fashion choice by men in general. It is difficult to sell the idea if it comes with this baggage. 

You might not like that idea, but that it simply the way the world is. If the notion of men wearing heels is to achieve broad fashionability in our society, broad sections of society need to be able to identify with it. That means it needs to be presented as an everyday fashion choice by what the rank and file perceive to be everyday people.

Having heel wearing continually associated exclusively with the gay community is not going to achieve that.

[Cali]

Stop complaining about wearing heels being associated with being gay and do something about it.

Aren't you @Shyheels a journalist?  Then write a op-edit piece from the view point of a straight man in heels. And submit it. I might do it one day very soon, but I like to get a contract with $ before I start writing.

[MackyHeels]

Only problem i encounter people assuming  i'm gay because of my attire. Even when you tell them your straight they don't believe you. Often giving lip service okay your straight but every opportunity they have gay innuendo persist onto me as some joke they enjoy. Which becomes annoying and disturbing someone believes i'm a liar or won't admit it openly. People like that are tiresome persistent thinking they know others character better oneself.

People who don't want to be labeled as gay are straight single males. When people assume comment to others don't waste your time on him honey he's gay. This type of label can hurt even narrow your choices for relationship with woman.  

 

Edited March 30, 2019 by MackyHeels

[p1ng74]

1 hour ago, Cali said:

Stop complaining about wearing heels being associated with being gay and do something about it.

Aren't you @Shyheels a journalist?  Then write a op-edit piece from the view point of a straight man in heels. And submit it. I might do it one day very soon, but I like to get a contract with $ before I start writing.

I highly doubt HuffPost would publish anything about a straight man in heels, but I hope to be proven wrong.  HuffPost and other media has an agenda of portraying  LGBT+ suffering through systematic persecution against them.  A piece describing the same experience of a man wearing heels as a pure expression of fashion will probably get ignored.  

All guys who wears heels will have similar experiences, whether gay or straight, because the experience has nothing to do with homosexuality.  The writer of the article has the agenda of creating that association, and does so when he uses wearing heels as a way to start conversations about LGBT+ topics.  That is not my agenda for wearing heels, and it would be nice to see some more diversity in the media rather than a single, narrow association.  Meanwhile, I think I would be being unfair to claim that I have any more understanding of homosexuality, simply because I wear heels.  The association is a lot looser than what the simple minded media would like to portray.  

Edited March 30, 2019 by p1ng74

[Cali]

We have two choices: sit back and complain or take action to change that association. All I have seen so far is complaining and I am guilty of it too.

Maybe a letter such as this to Huff Press might make them think about fashion expression independent of sexual expression.

1 hour ago, p1ng74 said:

All guys who wears heels will have similar experiences, whether gay or straight, because the experience has nothing to do with homosexuality.  The writer of the article has the agenda of creating that association, and does so when he uses wearing heels as a way to start conversations about LGBT+ topics.  That is not my agenda for wearing heels, and it would be nice to see some more diversity in the media rather than a single, narrow association.  Meanwhile, I think I would be being unfair to claim that I have any more understanding of homosexuality, simply because I wear heels.  The association is a lot looser than what the simple minded media would like to portray.  

 

Edited March 30, 2019 by Cali

[p1ng74]

2 hours ago, Cali said:

We have two choices: sit back and complain or take action to change that association. All I have seen so far is complaining and I am guilty of it too.

Maybe a letter such as this to Huff Press might make them think about fashion expression independent of sexual expression.

 

I was not sitting when I wrote this, but standing in my boots :p.  More seriously, we all do our part when we wear heels out and about as a fashion expression.  I have had many conversations about my heels now and no one has ever even brought up the topic of sexual orientation.  Even if someone initially thinks it, I think it is an association that can be released at a personal level.  There are many such associations out there, such as wearing pink, being artistic, etc.  There are many people who think that wearing cowboy boots is gay.  I am not about to change my choices in life based on fear of being labeled gay.  

I don’t have any experience writing response letters to the media or any indications if it would have any effect.  It’s a good idea, and I might be more inclined to do so in the future, especially towards an outlet that I felt would be open minded.  

[Heelster]

18 minutes ago, p1ng74 said:

There are many people who think that wearing cowboy boots is gay.

Talked to a Boot manufacturers rep once about cowboy boots and that heel styles had shrunk, and the selection had changed a lot over the last couple years. He said the movie "Broke Back Mountain" just about destroyed the market. Sales plummeted shortly thereafter. Kinda sad.

[Shyheels]

7 hours ago, Cali said:

Stop complaining about wearing heels being associated with being gay and do something about it.

Aren't you @Shyheels a journalist?  Then write a op-edit piece from the view point of a straight man in heels. And submit it. I might do it one day very soon, but I like to get a contract with $ before I start writing.

The magazine to which I contribute doesn’t run op-ed pieces nor does it cover fashion, or at least it wouldn’t in the way you’re thinking. 

And you’re quite right - always get a contract with the money sorted out before you sit down to write. I always do. Writing on spec these days is a mug’s game. 

2 hours ago, Heelster said:

Talked to a Boot manufacturers rep once about cowboy boots and that heel styles had shrunk, and the selection had changed a lot over the last couple years. He said the movie "Broke Back Mountain" just about destroyed the market. Sales plummeted shortly thereafter. Kinda sad.

I've heard that too. It did for cowboy boots what Pretty Woman did for thigh boots. As you say, sad. Which is why, like it or not, the continued association between wearing heels and being gay is going to be a barrier for mainstream acceptance. It may be silly, illogical, unfair, blinkered and mediaeval in its thinking - which it is - but that doesn't alter the fact that this prejudice exists and is fuelled by articles that continue to strengthen that misperception. 

Edited March 31, 2019 by Shyheels

[HappyinHeels]

I think the easiest op-ed piece to write is the one each one of us can write when we step outside and let the world see us. As for P08C I appreciate your post about the article. As some members have already indicated it seems to be the same old fashion equation; man+heels = gay. Which is fine if you're part of that community but most of us are not. Getting reasonable people to believe there are more straight men than gay men who wear heels is exceedingly difficult when nearly all of the print is dedicated to gay-oriented causes. There is another reason I believe your post wasn't well-received. Though concise and well-meaning as it relates to a "pep talk" (third paragraph) I must take your challenge and raise you one more. That is your challenge is to POST MORE so we personally know of your experiences. 30 posts in 6.5 years will not possibly inspire enough people to even remember who said it. This is a live forum with dynamic dialogue. People need constant positive reinforcement. I've done all of the things you described and discovered one inescapable maxim. That is it is not what someone knows about someone else which makes one afraid rather it is what one knows about oneself. There are plenty of members here who "get on with it" and take their strides at a higher level. There are more watching and reading and getting gradually inspired. YOUR increased participation could be instrumental in seeing that happen and not yet another actor in the all-too-familiar "Agenda Theatre" starring the latest gay guy in heels. Always constructive and never malicious. HappyinHeels

18 hours ago, P08C said:

I just read this fascinating article by a military man who wore a pair of heels to a military function. The man in question is gay and he discusses his life experiences as a homosexual Male in a very alpha male type environment. Although the article discusses his homosexuality it is most definitely centered around him wearing heels to make a statement about equality. 

 

The biggest thing I took away from this article is that no matter who you are, or where you come from, this thing that we like doing isn't easy. It's a challenge every step of the way. Your fears are validated and there's nothing wrong with being scared. Don't let your fears control you. Even though it is okay to be scared you can't let those fears dictate how you live your life. Be the best you that you can be, and live your life the way you want. 

 

I challenge all of you, "out" or "closeted", to put on those heels, acknowledge your nerves, sweat a few bullets, take a breath, and do that thing you've always wanted to do in heels. This guy is living proof that you can do it, and you don't have to be ashamed. Push yourself to new heights, and challenge yourself to be happy.  

  

Happy heeling!

 

 

[P08C]

Thanks for all the great responses. 

@MackyHeels to me it seems like your heels are serving a double purpose. 1. They make you look and feel great. 2. They're helping you filter out the people type of people you don't need in your life anyway. Life is too short to surround yourself with close minded people. 

[p1ng74]

6 hours ago, P08C said:

Thanks for all the great responses. 

@MackyHeels to me it seems like your heels are serving a double purpose. 1. They make you look and feel great. 2. They're helping you filter out the people type of people you don't need in your life anyway. Life is too short to surround yourself with close minded people. 

Just to echo @HappyinHeels, thanks for sharing the piece.  References to men in heels in media are far and few between, so I like to know everything that is out there, even if it is biased or has alternate agendas.  As with almost anything else at HHP, it gives us a chance to evaluate, critique, and even act on it, which I think is healthy.  

[MackyHeels]

On 3/31/2019 at 3:07 AM, P08C said:

Thanks for all the great responses. 

@MackyHeels to me it seems like your heels are serving a double purpose. 1. They make you look and feel great. 2. They're helping you filter out the people type of people you don't need in your life anyway. Life is too short to surround yourself with close minded people. 

Thanks for your response as well. 

Your correct in accessing what I’ve experienced and filtered out on many occasions people’s perspective of me. 

Often being surrounded by closed minded people you hope they have a change of heart about my appearance.  Unlikely they do which is disappointing to me. Difficult to treat them with respect knowing how they feel. Makes for lonely exsistance because some are misinformed or uncomfortable with my presence.

Often out of necassitity or lack of luck  i’m surrounded by narrow minded individuals or groups for short time. Often thinking to myself or comparing myself  that some maybe envious or jealous what I wear to some degree. Even if it’s my false assumption or internal delusion about others about me versus them. Helps me cope with what I wear not breaking apart, confident and resolute of there negative amused reactions. 

Edited April 1, 2019 by MackyHeels