Marriage and shoe fetish

[cgllc1860]

Hello,

i am a new guy to this forum, I have filled out my profile in depth if anyone is interested. As I get older and my responsibilities in life increase (46 now) I feel the need to expand my fetish from the bedroom to my day to day life. My wife is worried that she is loosing me and that I will eventually want to become a women. I say i don' think so that I like women's shoes and some cloths because of how they feel on and how they look on me. But, that I have no desire to change careers or lifestyles to satisfy a different gender. There is quite a bit of tension between us has anyone else resolved this type of problem successfully ?

 

Edited January 3, 2017 by cgllc1860

[Thighbootguy]

Speaking from no experience whatever - It seems to me that that the philosophy of "Quality works takes time" would apply.  New ideas are generally difficult to adopt. Consider the current GE commercial on "Ideas Being Scary":

I suggest going at her speed for adopting a new idea.  It may take longer than you want but consistence and reassurance seem to be the operative words.

[cgllc1860]

Thank you,

i am trying but she is scared.

[Thighbootguy]

 

38 minutes ago, cgllc1860 said:

i am trying but she is scared

1 hour ago, Thighbootguy said:

It may take longer than you want but consistence and reassurance seem to be the operative words.

People don't make good decisions when they are scared.

[bailey]

Welcome to hhplace. I too went through the "change" as I best can describe it. I am 50 now and I believe it is a state of mind that life is too short and it is better to be true to yourself and others opinions are not as important as your true happiness. I have always loved heels but finally opened up to my wife 3 years ago. I was lucky she was accepting. I explained that I like how they look and how they make me feel. I am still the same guy. And for me I keep my heel collection private except around her. You have to decide how open you want to be with your heeling. Proceed cautiously and feel the waters. Believe me an accepting wife who will shop for heels with you and keeping them at home is better than no heels at all and a disruptive marriage. The people here are fantastic and very supportive in any of your heeling choices. 

[Thighbootguy]

I just saw your profile.  Consider your feelings if you had just restored a 1946 Ford pickup to mint condition and you wife suggested that it would be fun/better/"she'd like it more" if it had big high monster truck wheels and tall stack exhaust so she could drive it around town.

It sounds like a compromise would be in order.

Remember I said I have NO experience in this, but this is on the WEB so all the advice from total strangers has to be true.

Edited January 1, 2017 by Thighbootguy

[cgllc1860]

Bnchmrk,

i have reassured her that I would be the same guy but I do have OCD and tend to eventually overdue things.lol

thighbootguy,

I see your point we are seeing my therapist together and are trying to stick to a every other night out routine but we are in "uncharted waters " as they say. It is a challenging situation.

Edited January 4, 2017 by cgllc1860

[pebblesf]

13 minutes ago, cgllc1860 said:

Bnchmrk,

i have reassured her that I would be the same guy but I do have OCD and tend to eventually overdue things.lol

thighbootguy,

Good anology I did a complete frame off restoration to a 1949 international KB7 dump truck when I was 21 and won 1st place in a national show. There would be no negotiation with that truck ! 

I see your point we are seeing my therapist together and are trying to stick to a every other night out routine but we are in "uncharted waters " as they say. It is a challenging situation.

Sounds like you are handling things well, a therapist can certainly help in a sensitive situation like this.  I hear and understand what you are saying, but I can also understand how your wife might be feeling insecure and fear "losing you". 

[cgllc1860]

Exactly.

[cgllc1860]

Exactly.

[Thighbootguy]

6 hours ago, cgllc1860 said:

I like women's shoes and some cloths because of how they feel on and how they look on me.

 

1 hour ago, cgllc1860 said:

i have reassured her that I would be the same guy

Don't lie to yourself.  From her point of view you won't be he same guy.  You are attempting to let a part of yourself out that is a part of you but she may have never seen and this can rattle things to the core.  Denying that "liking to wear women's clothing" is not a part of you will generate enough internal tension that it will drive you nuts or force you to hide your activities, and the only way to relieve the internal tension, that I have found, is by wearing what I like.  Fortunately (or maybe not) I don't have to consider anyone elses feelings.  When I'm out by myself I wear whatever I want, but when I'm with a group I generally limit myself to boots.

Seeing a therapist sounds like a good idea, much better than advice from unqualified total strangers. 

[cgllc1860]

On 1/1/2017 at 10:55 AM, cgllc1860 said:

Hello,

i am a new guy to this forum, I have filled out my profile in depth if anyone is interested. As I get older and my responsibilities in life increase (46 now) I feel the need to expand my fetish from the bedroom to my day to day life. My wife is worried that she is loosing me and that I will eventually want to become a women. I say i don' think so that I like women's shoes and some cloths because of how they feel on and how they look on me. But, that I have no desire to change careers or lifestyles to satisfy a different gender. There is quite a bit of tension between us has anyone else resolved this type of problem successfully ?

 

 

Edited January 3, 2017 by cgllc1860

[cgllc1860]

You make a lot of sense it is easier to be your own person alone.

i am committed to my wife as she is too me. I am looking for fresh approach that may have worked for other couples to present to her.

[bailey]

I hope I was not misunderstood...I truely believe what your wife thinks and feels is #1 priority. A marriage is a committment. I believe any others opinions do not matter. But being honest with your wife is what I meant. I hope counselling will help you in your deveopment.

[cgllc1860]

No harm done,

i understand that you feel lucky that your wife was understand and was willing to embrace it at a level that satisfied your needs. I hope I am as lucky.

[cgllc1860]

No harm done,

i understand that you feel lucky that your wife was understand and was willing to embrace it at a level that satisfied your needs. I hope I am as lucky.

[Bubba136]

Most men that like to wear heels and dress in various items of female attire usually make the same mistake when dealing with the prospect of telling their wives/girlfriend of these desires.

 A major part in the process of choosing a life partner is based on the complete honesty of each partner telling the other their entire histories, including any unusual or hidden desires.  How else is a prospective life mate going to make their decision on whether or not to take this "person" as their husband/wife without believing that they completely know them?

Therefore, any "after the fact" revelation that their chosen mate hadn't been entirely honest prior to their marriage can be a crushing blow, creating major trust issues between them, even possibly leading to complete dissolution of their partnership - which can be especially harmful and troublesome if there are children involved.

The proper time to reveal these desires to any prospective partner is as soon as they recognize that they have deeper feelings for this particular person and they have become more than a casual girlfriend.  Any prospective, serious partner deserves to know about these issues beforehand so they can honestly evaluate exactly how they might affect their feelings for them.

Anyone harboring "secret desires" that truly believes they can hide them for any any length of time is absolutely delusional.  And, that goes doubly for those that believe they can, with proper explanation, convince their wives to relax their lifelong moral values into accepting them as "they are."

Perhaps they might.  However, the foundation of deep trust, so necessary in a successful relationship, will forever be damaged.

 

 

 

[cgllc1860]

This is correct but in my case I did not realize the seriousness of my desires until after I was married a few years.

[Thighbootguy]

Life is a continuous learning experience.  We learn about ourselves and we learn about others.  I think your "liking to wear women's clothing"  is a discovery about something that is part of you, at least that is my personal experience.  Denying that the desire exists probably won't work.  The question is how do you and your wife deal with this discovery.   I suggest talking with each other but more importantly listening to each other.   Also, in dealing with your discovery and your reacting to it, use moderation in all things.

Wishing both of you the best.

[Gudulitooo]

16 hours ago, Thighbootguy said:

I just saw your profile.  Consider your feelings if you had just restored a 1946 Ford pickup to mint condition and you wife suggested that it would be fun/better/"she'd like it more" if it had big high monster truck wheels and tall stack exhaust so she could drive it around town.

I am lost in the analogy. You mean cgllc1860's wife brought her marriage to a "healthy" condition and now cgllc1860 is willing to change a few things that are not so insignificant ?

5 hours ago, cgllc1860 said:

This is correct but in my case I did not realize the seriousness of my desires until after I was married a few years.

I know this.

You thought the relationship / marriage would fill in the voids in your existence that you used to patch with the fetish, but in fact it acted on an another level, leaving them as claiming as they were initially.

Try to find how the fetish can fuel the marriage, even if you use it without your wife knowing.

[cgllc1860]

My wife went out for pizza last night and I had a good time. We talked a lot, she read our conversations and realized that there are a lot of other guys out there just like me. That helped. Just her talking about my fustrations in a positive way is relieving instead of the usual attacks and belittlement. She talked about setting some boundaries that I will have to work on, to maintain her trust.

[pebblesf]

Sounds like you two are making progress, keep that honest and open communication going!  Your wife sounds like a very open and accepting woman who loves you very much, give her time to process your revelations.

[cgllc1860]

The love is present no question but she is not as open as I am, that is the problem.

There are barriers for both of us to w overcome. It will require acceptance, interaction and determination to work out your the issues in order find that common ground. I just wish I knew what it was going to look like. 

[cgllc1860]

7 hours ago, Thighbootguy said:

each

 

[cgllc1860]

Thigh boot guy,

Well said !

RE: Life is a learning experience.

Edited January 2, 2017 by cgllc1860

[Bubba136]

1 hour ago, cgllc1860 said:

Thigh boot guy,

Well said !

RE: Life is a learning experience.

Regardless of what you believe at this time, the point is that you have created a trust issue in your relationship with you wife and you will only know the depth of this fracture in about 40 years, if you're still together -- which I sincerely hope.you are.

[cgllc1860]

I know it started at a very early age 5-6 perhaps.

[KneeBooted]

@cgllc1860 just out of curiosity, which city do you live in?

[cgllc1860]

Somebody gave me a shoe with a foot in it. Lol

It looks like AJ's

[AJ777]

On 1/1/2017 at 10:55 AM, cgllc1860 said:

Hello,

i am a new guy to this forum, I have filled out my profile in depth if anyone is interested. As I get older and my responsibilities in life increase (46 now) I feel the need to expand my fetish from the bedroom to my day to day life. My wife is worried that she is loosing me and that I will eventually want to become a women. I say i don' think so that I like women's shoes and some cloths because of how they feel on and how they look on me. But, that I have no desire to change careers or lifestyles to satisfy a different gender. There is quite a bit of tension between us has anyone else resolved this type of problem successfully ?

 

My wife HATES my shoe fetish, she has no idea that I love to wear them either. I am straight but this has been the progression of my heel fetish and I love the feel of them and I can not associate what women feel when in them. The heel fetish is going to be the end of our marriage sooner than later sadly. She does not get it at all