Shoe shopping failure

[legs777777]

Hi all, I left the house today with the intention of buying a pair of red 5 inch heels from a local department store, seen a stunning pair I liked, voulenteered to return something for my wife, a perfect excuse. Went in to the store first thing, store was empty, the returns desk was next to the shoe department another stoke of good fortune there. At the shoe department the manager and about 20 staff were having a daily huddle ( meeting with all the team on the daily events ) All I felt was all 20 pairs of eyes watching as I went to pick up the shoes. Alas my courage had gone and I fumbled about in my wallet and then left. How ashamed do I feel now, 45 years young and still have trouble buying a pair of high heels, I felt like a teenager buying is first adult magazine. Still struggling after all these years, Still feel embaressed, whats the best way to overcome this, somebody help. Legs:penitent:

[Histiletto]

Get back on the horse and persevere! We all fall short at times. It's the getting up and continuing on that determines our success!

[spikesmike]

legs777777 William Wallice had no trouble fighting for his desires and interests. In your case, You do not have to give up your life when buying a pair of shoes. Show some NADS and jump in with the rest of us. Mike

[legs777777]

Thanks, unfortunatly I,m not William Wallace. But I can see your point. Thanks:smile:

[hhboots]

Ahh legs777777, that is nothing to feel bad about, my nerves still get the best of me at times when going to buy heels. If the setting doesn't feel right for me, like trendy/flashy smaller stores at the mall, often filled with young people, where the only try on station is a big island right in the middle of the store and it feels like everyone there is watching, yep, that one will get me everytime. Just get right back out there and try again at another time or try another store that has a more comfortable setting for you. Not everyone here is at the point where they are comfortable walking into any store they want to and buy anything they want, and that is okay, really!

[HappyFeat]

I wouldn't call it a failure by any stretch of the imagination my friend. Now, I have been accused of rationalizing by many people I know, but it works for me. You at least made it to the store, which is a huge first step. We, all need to proceed to our own pace and comfort level. I too was in the same position many years ago, as were most of the guys here. I am sure we could all share our stories and fill up a long thread. Just do what you are comfortable with. My question to you is to examine the reasons for your apprehension. Not only will it help for your next attempt, but it could shed insight into your entire being. Are you afraid that people will think you are gay? Are you afraid that they will talk about you? Laugh at you? In the end it doesn't matter what others think say or do. Its only what you are comfortable with and what you want from life. I wish you luck in your quest for red pumps.

[SleekHeels]

I think I'd also feel uncomfortable with 20 staff around... that's just unlucky timing. If you're not trying them on then a busy time is best as you'll just be another customer in the queue. For trying on I've found the best times are early afternoon (after the lunchtime rush but before the schoolkids hit the mall) or late evening (but not too close to closing time), though it depends on the store and the location.

I still sometimes walk out of a store because I don't feel comfortable, either because I picked a bad time (live and learn) or because the store didn't create a welcoming environment - they're the ones who have failed and should feel embarassed if they can't make all their customers feel welcome.

To get your red shoes, pop into the store again on a few different occasions and see if you get lucky and feel comfortable enough one time (maybe wear tights - even if you don't try the shoes on, they might help you feel more like you're not in the wrong department)... I'm sure we'll all look forward to a success story and a photo of the shoes of course!

hhboots, "the only try on station is a big island right in the middle of the store" used to fill me with dread too, but the last couple of times I've thrown myself into it and it was great! (I'll post as soon as I take some photos).

[ilikekicks]

All I can offer : Just go for it. I have bought some of the shoes that I have on my own. Granted, at the time, they werent for myself. Realize this: Your buying a pair of footware. Its no different then sneakers, jeans or anything else in that store. Its just an ' item '. Your not buying something gay, straight, indifferent, hostile or negative. Your just purchasing an item, nothing more. If anyone has any questions for you, deflect them. Wear a smile : ' Are these for your wife? ' Could be! ' I think you would look good in these! ' Ya think so? ' Are these for you? ' Maybe, you into guys whom appreciate shoes or something? Ive never met a babe into a guy in heels, good concept dont ya think? ( wearing a huge smile is the key. ) . Theres ways of overcoming that anxiety of sorts while laughing about it. You CAN do it! I plan on buying a pair of shoes with the new ladyfriend I've acquired. She doesnt believe I would walk into a story and just buy them or try them on. Why not? Theres nothing wrong with it.

[crotchboots-m]

william wallace indeed...lol. i should hope they dont do to you what they did to him. but getting back at it is the only to deal with....carry on and get it done.

[roniheels]

I think I'd also feel uncomfortable with 20 staff around... that's just unlucky timing. If you're not trying them on then a busy time is best as you'll just be another customer in the queue. For trying on I've found the best times are early afternoon (after the lunchtime rush but before the schoolkids hit the mall) or late evening (but not too close to closing time), though it depends on the store and the location.

I still sometimes walk out of a store because I don't feel comfortable, either because I picked a bad time (live and learn) or because the store didn't create a welcoming environment - they're the ones who have failed and should feel embarassed if they can't make all their customers feel welcome.

To get your red shoes, pop into the store again on a few different occasions and see if you get lucky and feel comfortable enough one time (maybe wear tights - even if you don't try the shoes on, they might help you feel more like you're not in the wrong department)... I'm sure we'll all look forward to a success story and a photo of the shoes of course!

hhboots, "the only try on station is a big island right in the middle of the store" used to fill me with dread too, but the last couple of times I've thrown myself into it and it was great! (I'll post as soon as I take some photos).

I agree with SleekHeels concerning your dilemma and incident. The bottom line is that you feel comfortable making your purchase. It's like heeling in public. Don't put pressure on yourself to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I'm sure there have been women who maybe don't wear high heels that often and when they see a very sexy pai to buy, they too might feel similar to the way you felt. I suggest you do what SleekHeels says above also keep in mind, the bottom line to them is a completed sale. You are the customer and they should treat you as such. Good luck, my friend!

[Walkonit]

I agree with Roniheels thats its like public heeling. Thats to say its gets easier with practice, some situations are tougher than others and that its important to go back and give it another go. I've had quite a few "failed" purchases and have days when I'm more confident and do better than others. I have to say though that I've also had only positive comments from sales people in shops. They want to sell stuff and a more "interesting" customer improves their day. When buying a pair of 5" boots last Autumn after trying them on and walking around the shop I asked the sales girl how often men bought shoes like these. She answered pleasantly that it was a bit unusual. Try again....each small success is a high heeled step towards improved self confidence and personal satisfaction.

[legs777777]

Once again thanks to all the replies. Legs777777

[jwhite44]

I think I'd also feel uncomfortable with 20 staff around... that's just unlucky timing. If you're not trying them on then a busy time is best as you'll just be another customer in the queue..

My thoughts exactly. 20 staff, yeah that could be intimidating. You need the right attitude when you go shopping, and if you're just not feeling that, for whatever reason, then just turn around and try again later.

If you have a rough idea of what size you need, then I don't think there's any shame in buying blind (not trying on), perhaps with the impression that they're for your wife or SO: "I'd like these in an 8 and 8 1/2". If questioned, you should be able to easily say, "There for my ___, I'm not sure which size will fit her better...". I doubt you'd get a objectionable comments from the salespeople. Even if you were really buying for a wife/SO, and you knew her exact size, you still might do that, given that a particular size in one brand, even one shoe, isn't always ths same as a in another shoe.

Personally I think this is better, because it gives you an almost unlimited time at home (or elsewhere) to try them. Are they stable? Did they pinch anywhere? Is the toebox too tight? Even if your confident enough to try shoes on in the store, you can't always get these type of questions answered. Worst case with this approach, you'll have to go back to the store again to return one (or both) pairs. Again, nothing really to hide in saying, "The other pair fit better", or, "Neither pair worked well". With this approach, they really will need to know you're buying the shoes for yourself.

Bottom line, take whatever approach you need to so you feel comfortable, and you're able to achieve your goal to buy yourself some shoes.

[HappyinHeels]

I have read this thread with some serious eyebrow raising. I know what the intent was; to describe the uncomfortable situation one might find himself in owing to either store configuration or an high ratio of staff to customers because of the time of day. What I don't understand is the notion of a "failed purchase" as it is described here. I think the customer failed to have "an enjoyable purchase" and that's really the issue. I mean you either buy or you don't buy. HappyinHeels

[loswabs]

Hi legs777777 In most shoe shops I get a really good reaction and service when trying and buying heels so am pretty comfortable, but am wary of trying on shoes in department stores. New Look, Top Shop and the like are ok, but there's sometimes something which makes me a little less confident. I can't quite put my finger on it. I much prefer the likes of Dune, Aldo or Schuh where they've already had loads of guys try heels and will give you the great service I've enjoyed. I'd suggest you try some shoes on there to get a bit of confidence up, you don't have to buy them if you don't like them!!! Good luck, I hope you get there.

[chris100575]

I think we've all been there at some point, but buying shoes without trying them on is really easy. All you need to do is pretend that they're for your wife and try to get into the mindset that you're buying them for her. If you really were buying them as a present you wouldn't be nervous would you? Don't go overboard, a simple "can I return these if they don't fit her?" will do the trick. The ideal is to get comfortable with just buying for yourself, but pretending they're for someone else is better than a failure, and the more times you manage the easier it gets.

[legs777777]

Thanks again all.

[heelman500]

You have just got to go for it and buy those shoes, admittedly I would not have been overly happy trying on in front of all those staff, but you just have to front it up and remember you are the customer. If they dont see you trying on most staff will assume they are a gift, and even if they do see you trying on they will think its for a fancy dress do (Unless like me they know you buy lots of heels- my local New look the manager of the shoe sectikn puts aside size 9 heels on sale now until she sees me! ) I would urge you just to go for it, it really does get easier

[legs777777]

Thank you.

[Fred87]

Thanks for posting this thread, I also am very nervous about making heel purchases and usually go about it as JWhite44 and Chris100575 it is deceptive, but it gets the job done and I have returned heels that just didn't work out and have even traded for larger or smaller size. I use the gift story and my wife doesn't like shoe shopping because of her shoe size. Not untrue but instead of size 10 shes a 5.5 ! I have talked to two shop employees so far about purchasing for myself and have found both to actually be pleasant experiences. So just do what makes you the most comfortable to get the heels you desire,

[legs777777]

Thank you Fred87

[jwhite44]

.. So just do what makes you the most comfortable to get the heels you desire,

Exactly. Probably some people that don't want to go into a store period, and will only do mail order. As long as that works for you, that's really all that matters.

[SleekHeels]

I totally agree. It's just that sometimes we want to do things (like buying/trying heels) but we feel uncomfortable about doing them. It's Fred87's "So just do what makes you the most comfortable to get the heels you desire" and jwhite44's "take whatever approach you need to so you feel comfortable, and you're able to achieve your goal to buy yourself some shoes" which emphasises that we can do things that change how comfortable we feel.

Legs777777, it's a couple of weeks on from your original post, and it'd be interesting to know if you still want those red shoes, if you've been back to the store at all, if you're any closer to feeling more comfortable about buying them or not... only if you feel comfortable sharing that of course.

The day I had my first ever experience trying on in the store I must've gone to 5 or 6 different branches until I found a situation I felt comfortable enough to try them on. I don't think it magically gets easier after the first time, we just get better at doing all the right things to create good situations and take advantage of them when they come up.

[RonC]

I've posted this suggestion before, but believe it rates stating again. One of the best ways to deflect some of the anxiety of the first time is to call ahead. The first place I ever decided that I was going to try on heels I already knew that the carried large sizes. I called and asked if they minded a guy trying on shoes and the response from the manager was an emphatic "no sir, you've come to the right place!" So with that much known, at least I knew that when I walked in the door there would be no hysterical reaction! That made the first time much easier for me. I went to the shop and told them I had called earilier, and was treated wonderfully, even offered a spot in the back so I wouldn't be uncomforatble among teh other shoppers. Eventually, I grew very comfortable there and bought many pairs of shoes from them (several of which I wish I stall had!), and after a time I would just try on in the sales area. Unfortunately, they went our of business some time ago (along with most of the other small shoe shops that used to dot the landscape). There was another place I used to go to where I called ahead. They manager there showed me to the stock area and said "here are all of the sizes above ten, try on whatever you like." They are, alas, gone as well. I have had a bad reaction as well, when I called a store I knew that carried larger size and asked the girl/woman that answered about trying on shoes and she laughed and said "your a guy and you want to try on womens shoes???" Needless to say, I did not go there. When you call, they can't tell who you are, so there's no need to fear that they will see you on the street and point at you yelling "there's the guy that wanted to try on high heels in my store!"...lol. All I'm getting at is, if you know what the store reaction will be by making a simple phone inquiry, it is easier then to walk in and try on. And that phone call is anonymous.

[legs777777]

In answer to Sleekheels, no I havent been back for the red shoes yet as there has been a change of circumstances at my work which leaves me with a much bigger problem just now, but I do want the red shoes. I may seek more advice later, Thanks all.

[najial]

i have been down that road to, i went to payless one day scared to death of trying on heels, so i grabbed the largest size i could find, and assumed it was what i needed, it turns out i was right, and happened to see some nice boots on their website later down the road, and the only way i could think to be able to go in and actually try them on in the store was to tell the associate i had lost a bet with my g/f and had to wear heels for "X" amount of time, so i needed to be measured for a fit and then asked if i could try on a cpl pairs to see what worked best, and she asked what i was looking for, and then helped reccommend a cpl pairs for me that she thought i would be stable in, which i bought a pair or two of boots right then. Later i went back and there was a different associate there, and i went in looking for more heels, and got a cpl looks from him, and at that point, i turned around and left knowing he didnt want the sale, so in addition to blowing a sale, i only go back when i know certain associates are there, and i tell ya, if you tell them the "i lost as bet line" it works, but i think they know the shoes are really for you, but some associates will show sympathy and help you with out any questions

[beaztheelz]

Trust me legs 77777 you are NOT the only guy who gets nervous shopping for heels. The only stores I can work up the balls to go into are shoe show and stores of the like where they sell man and woman shoes. Walking into an actual high heel store is umimaginable for me. I want to buy the better looking and higher heels of the actual heel store but Im terrified of the people in the store thinking im gay or even worse running into someone I know while in the store. Please dont be like me. Get the balls to buy the heels in the department store.

[legs777777]

Hi thanks for your reply, to date I still havent been back to that store yet, even though now I work only a five minute walk away, I still want the red heels I saw but the other tread I started explains a predicament at my work which has distracted me since then. But thank you for your reply.

[SleekHeels]

The only stores I can work up the balls to go into are shoe show and stores of the like where they sell man and woman shoes.

That's interesting, for me it's the opposite, I feel way more comfortable in a womens only shoe store/department. It's a bit like diving into a cold swimming pool - reluctant to do it at first but great once you're in.

[FXHH]

well dont feel bad!! and dont see your experience as a failure!! self have never tried on a pair of heels in a shop!! necessity is the mother of all inventions!! currently, its easy wife and I have very similar shoe sizes and hence its easy she tries the shoes the shoes on, and if the fit is right we decide from there!! before that, would enquirer that if the shoes did not fit girlfriend/wife if I would be able to return them!! depending on circumstances, we need to do what works and feels right for us!! need to agree with the one point already made!! even though wife and I do shoe shopping together, often feel like people are watching us!! although that is getting better, and as time goes on, starting to care less and less what people think!! enjoy!!