scrappycoco Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Ok everyone male and female I need help! Don't in a way that I am screwed up but in advise type way. So with that being said here I go. My last visit to my theripst she challanged me to wear a skirt in next time I come to see her. I showed her a few diffrent picture's of me. A few in a skirt and a few in pants! She even said that by looking at the pictures that I look more confident in pants and heels than a skirt and heels. She said that I do a really good job of being able to take womens pants or slacks and pair them with a mens shirt and still look confident. Then she said the other does not appear true with a skirt, mens shirt, and heels. What she has challanged me to do is too put a skirt with a mens shirt and heels and wear it in for are next session. She said to be able to truly tell if I carry myself diffrent would be to see me in a skirt. So I told her I would see what I can do. The app is next week. So over the next few days I will post a few pics of all of my diff skirts heels and shirts jacket's belts you name it oh and heels. So everyone here can help me figure out what to wear. The outfit must consist of a skirt, heels and a mens shirt she said. Anything else is optional! Here are to pics of an outfit that I just kind of tossed together. It is my dark blue Izod jean skirt, light tan tight's (Not panty hose), white mens turtle next untucked, my black just bellow the knee boots, and I have some dark brown knee high boot socks on under the boot's. Let me know what everyone thinks. The rest of the pic I will put up tomarrow!
Waisted_Giraffe Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 scrappycoco Not going to berate you about going to a therapist, there is absolutely nothing wrong in exploring why one feels the way one does, by discussing with someone from a neutral point of view - though am intrigued why you are going based on the request you have made. If this were for a date etc I'd be more than happy to help BUT your therapist has asked YOU to make a decision on what you think goes well together and how you present yourself. Now, I appreciate that your therapist is not diagnosing purely on your outfits (an interesting form of therapy if this is so) but you need to be honest about yourself / how you feel / why you chose the combination; getting us to pick the best combination will skew the effect. Maybe this is a good discussion point with your therapist to explore the way you feel. Once again not putting you down; what you pick will be the right choice. Wishing you all the best R
Dr. Shoe Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I really think you should be thinking skirtor heels not skirt and heels. At leats at first. However, it's entirely up to you. Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects.
hhboots Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I tend to agree with Waisted Giraffe on some points. While I think you look pretty good actually in the outfit you posted here, I am not sure what your expected goal or outcome is with the therapist / counselor, but it is a rather unusual request she has for you to make your next visit dressed in a very specific manner. Anyway, if the aim is for you to go in there and be your true self, don't spend too much time worrying about making a specific presentation with your outfit or mannerisms, and I wouldn't spend too much time trying to get opinions from us here really. She is right, you do look somewhat comfortable in the pictures you have shown of yourself while dressed this way, so just go with it, be yourself, and relax.
Histiletto Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 scrappycoco, I appreciate your wanting some input for which outfit to wear before the therapist, but any influence I would have on your choice would skew the intent of the challenge. Taking the libery, all of us at HHP give our support for whatever you choose. A few years ago, when I did odd handyman jobs for hire, I had the opportunity to work for a professional counselor. We developed a limited friendship and somehow a discussion of males wearing women's attire came about. During some bantering, I let on that I enjoyed wearing heels. Being intrigued, there came a similar challenge to wear a pair the next time I came to work. Well, the importance of this was intensified on my side, but the actual activity happened with hardly any regale, except for the acknowledgement that I wore heels that day. The reaction was a bit deflative to my expectations, but actually that is just how it should have happened. Men in heels should be seen as common public occurences.
scrappycoco Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 Well I guess I should be a little more specific in what I am talking about here. I feel the reason she is asking me to wear in a skirt, heels, and some sort of mens top is this. I talk all the time about wanting to wear that combonation out in public but I don't for some reason, why I have no idea. I go just about every where I want in jeans (mens or womens), heels and a mens shirt. The other combonation I just can not do for some reason. Why I just do not know. So by her challanging me to wear one in for are next visit I think what she is trying to help me do is to build the confidence I need to be able to wear the combo out in public. I asked for help from you guys here mainly becuase I respect everyone's oppinion here. Trust me the last thing I am going to do is let everyone here make the decison for me. In the end what I wear will be up to me. The one outfit of me wearing the dark blue womens jeans, the gray mens shirt, and my shinny heels my youngest girl helped me put together. I ask both of my kids all the time I how I look when wearing the combo of the three items. I take what they say and try to make it my own. To clear things up a bit. I have seen a counslar for years for a few reason's and one of them has nothing to do with how I dress:huh: This subject has just came to light over the years of talking to them. I hope this clears somethings up for everyone has far as my intent on this post.
Gudulitooo Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Well the question is why the hell is it specifically to the therapist that you would wear what you like ? It depends how you consider the therapist : trust or not. Seems (s)he tries to change you, and the result will be up to you without (her) him taking any responsibility. I will never be able to see a therapist !! So at your place I wouldn't ask and go through it in my own mind. I know when I am ready. It is when I just act without asking me metaphysical questions. Hope this helps.
scrappycoco Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 Well the question is why the hell is it specifically to the therapist that you would wear what you like ? It depends how you consider the therapist : trust or not. Seems (s)he tries to change you, and the result will be up to you without (her) him taking any responsibility. I will never be able to see a therapist !! So at your place I wouldn't ask and go through it in my own mind. I know when I am ready. It is when I just act without asking me metaphysical questions. Hope this helps. I guess I need to clarify a bit more for you! I wear what I like to for the most part when and where I want. I wear womens jeans and heels all the time out and about. I have worn skirt's out and about 2 mostly in the summer month's and with out heels. What I feel she is trying to help me to do and realize is that clothing is just clothing at the end of the day. It is society that put the label on it and say's this is for a man and this is for a women. She asked me this question the last visit "When do you wear skirts?" It kind of cought me off guard to witch I said well at this point only in the summer month's. What she is trying accomplish I feel is getting me to the point where I will wear a skirt when i want or pants when I want. She is in no way shape or form trying to change me. What she is doing is trying to help me learn to be comfortable with who I am and how I choice to dress. I hope this help's out a little bit. Ok on to some other comment after reading and thinking about what everyone has said this is what i will do (once the battery on my camera is charged) Since at the moment where I live it is cold I am going to wear a long black suite skirt. With that being said I have 3 diff color shirt's that I think will go good with that skirt a purple, gray, and dark green and I have 5 pairs of womens shoes that I think will look ok. I will take the picture's and post them on my fliker page along with a link for everyone to look at and comment. I know Dr. shoe say's I should wear one or the other but not both at first. So there will be a pair of shoes in there for her to see. Jk Dr. Shoe In the end like everyone has said it will be up too me to wear what I think looks good. I am just trying to get everyone's oppinion first since that is where and how I build my confidence to wear what I want!
scrappycoco Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 Ok as promised here is a link to all of the pictures. http://www.flickr.com/photos/28727772@N04/sets/72157626012018022/
Gudulitooo Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I think I understood well from the begining. Still, by accelerating the process with deadlines, the therapist prevents you from enjoying all the mindstorm before you find the light alone. So this is in that way I said she is changing you : you were still thinking it through, now she is accelerating things. Why not. After you are done with that challenge, will there still be more challenging things left ? May the force be with you.
BoyLegs Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Can you take a picture of yourself in a skirt and heels, smiling warmly and confidently? IMO, you don't look confident or at all happy in your pictures.
Thighbootguy Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I agree with Waisted_Giraffe’s comments so I won’t venture comments on your choices. I will, however, offer the same advice I’ve been preaching for years… Look at yourself in a full length mirror and make sure you like the look you are presenting. The next thing is to be sure you are comfortable/confident presenting that image. After that it’s just an exercise in color/style coordination. I dream of a world where chickens can cross roads without having their motives questioned.
xaphod Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Personally, I prefer this one. http://www.flickr.com/photos/28727772@N04/5431399692/in/set-72157626012018022/ The purple shirt is definitely not the boring guys standard of white or blue, but is not too edgy as to be outside someone's comfort zone. The black boots and the skirt, especially with the jacket are just far too much black with the odd glimpse of lighter colour. So far as shoes are concerned, the plain courts (pumps) haven't got too much fussy embellishment which otherwise complicates a plain, understated overall appearance. If anything, I would make my entrance to your therapist's office dressed as the pic, carrying your black jacket over your arm. If you need to remove a pen and notebook, I would do this before the folding the jacket and setting it on a chair. Sometimes, I've seen hangers or coatstands in American offices for people who wish to do this (unlike the UK). Xa
shrimper Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Could it be you haven't gone out in a skirt because you don't want to? I myself have no desire to wear any other feminine item of clothing than shoes (heels or flats). Is your therapist challenging you based on their idea of how you should look or is this feeding back on your stated desires?
JNR Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Could it be you haven't gone out in a skirt because you don't want to? I myself have no desire to wear any other feminine item of clothing than shoes (heels or flats). Is your therapist challenging you based on their idea of how you should look or is this feeding back on your stated desires? I really am not certain, Scrappycoco, what either you or your therapist is trying to accomplish. Sounds to me like you're searching for acceptance and approval. I've been following your thread since the first and am still not sure of where your family is on this issue. If they're supportive and understanding, what is the problem? It seems to me that the real problem is in your own mind, accepting yourself. Perhaps your therapist is trying to "get you comfortable" within your own "self image" by asking you to present yourself in costume that you are most comfortable wearing. But if your family members are supportive, and, as you've indicated, your daughter helps you chose your outfits, why would you have any qualms about dressing anyway that pleases you? Sorry if I seem dense but I actually don't see any problem with you appearing anywhere, dressed in any manner that you chose, especially if you are comfortable in your own mind with who you are and with your self image.
Charlie Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Personally, I prefer this one. http://www.flickr.com/photos/28727772@N04/5431399692/in/set-72157626012018022/ The purple shirt is definitely not the boring guys standard of white or blue, but is not too edgy as to be outside someone's comfort zone. The black boots and the skirt, especially with the jacket are just far too much black with the odd glimpse of lighter colour. So far as shoes are concerned, the plain courts (pumps) haven't got too much fussy embellishment which otherwise complicates a plain, understated overall appearance. If anything, I would make my entrance to your therapist's office dressed as the pic, carrying your black jacket over your arm. If you need to remove a pen and notebook, I would do this before the folding the jacket and setting it on a chair. Sometimes, I've seen hangers or coatstands in American offices for people who wish to do this (unlike the UK). Xa Hey xaphod! Glad to see you're still out and about! (Charlie from the old board btw...) Charlie Everything I say is a lie!.......I'm lying
skirtsnhose Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Personally, I prefer this one. http://www.flickr.com/photos/28727772@N04/5431399692/in/set-72157626012018022/ Xa I agree with Xaphod. I would also suggest unbuttoning the top button. Relax and enjoy! It'll be fun, and nowhere near as difficult as you think.
xaphod Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Hey xaphod! Glad to see you're still out and about! (Charlie from the old board btw...) Charlie Hi, Charlie, Long time no speak. I've been around, mostly lurking, but also busy with other things. ..... time to get back to rebuilding the chimneys on this wreck of a house I bought ! Xa
Gudulitooo Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 Ok as promised here is a link to all of the pictures. http://www.flickr.com/photos/28727772@N04/sets/72157626012018022/ What if you ask your wife which outfit will make her proud to be you wife ? After all, maybe she is allready helping you match your "classic" men outfits. Why not original ones ?
SF Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 counselor..... "Why should girls have all the fun!!"
scrappycoco Posted February 17, 2011 Author Posted February 17, 2011 counselor..... Any way everyone here knew what I was saying! No need to correct my spelling! Any way today is the day I am suppose to go see her! I have debated all day long about if I should or shouldn't. Since it is almost 60 here today I can not use the excuess it's too cold. So I figure I will just suck it up and give it a try. I for the most part had decided on my light purple shirt, and black skirt. The only thing I was not sure of was shoes and hose. So I had my girls help me with that. I ended up wearing nude hose,with my black 4" pumps. So when I get beck I will let everyone know how it went. I can kind of understand what everyone is been saying. For some odd reason I just do not feel as at home in a skirt and heels as I do in pants of some sort and heels. Not sure as to why that is something that I hope my session today will help me figure out!
scrappycoco Posted February 18, 2011 Author Posted February 18, 2011 Well just to update everyone on my visit. The point of her wanting for me to wear a skirt and heels in for a visit was to see by my body language if I was comfortable wearing a skirt and heels. The first thing that she said when I walked in was that I looked great. We sat down and before we started talking she looked at me for a few min and said "I was right you just do not look as confident in a skirt and heels as you do in pants and heels" so we spent most of the visit talking about that. Trying to help me understand why I am not as confident in a skirt and heels as I am in pants and heels. One thing she said was that when she wears a skirt into the office the first thing she notices is that people act different around her. Compared to when she wears pants in. So thinking about that I kind of think that is why I am not as comfortable in a skirt and heels as I could be. I know even if your a female and you wear a skirt in to the office people male or female look at u different. So you take that something with a man that is wearing a skirt and magnify that 10x. She thinks that the thing I need to do is make one of two decisions. One being just don't wear skirts anymore and stick to womens pants and shoes or just put it in your mind like a women does and say to your self. I am happy with the way I look and I don't care what people think or say because at the end of the day the only one I have to please is myself. So I can say last night was a good visit and she really helped me to understand a lot about my self and why I just do nit feel comfortable in a skirt and heels. One comment that kind of made me laugh was she said at one point. If I had legs like yours I would never wear pants because for a man you have a great set of legs and they are really great to look at.
Gudulitooo Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Eureka you're right ! You are a courageous guy ! What your counselor was talking about was exactly what decided me to wear heels in public : I saw a woman at the mall with a "perfect girl outfit". I mean, it was like she had escaped from a modeling book or from a magazine. She was alone in her store and had to cross all the supermarket to get her lunch. She wore heeled boots that were at least 5" high, with her leggings tucked in, and every guy and woman turned its head towards her when she walked. Then I understood women also have to sustain the stares of people. I somehow ended asking me "if she is able to wear that why wouldn't I be able to do the same with humble boots ?"
Thighbootguy Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 It’s kind of nice to have a gal’s perspective on what it is like wearing a skirt. As for making a decision about being “happy with the way I look and I don't care what people think or say because at the end of the day the only one I have to please is myself”, sound a lot like what I’ve been preaching about looking at yourself in a full length mirror and being confident with what your seeing. (I’ll not repeat the sermon here.) I hadn’t considered that it takes ten times the confidence for a guy to wear a skirt than it does for a gal to wear one but considering your counselors comments about being looked at differently when she is wearing a skirt, there may be something to that thought. I don’t know if she mentioned one reason you might not feel comfortable is a skirt and heels is that you have 37 years of society telling you it wrong. That’s a lot of inertia to get past. Oh well here comes the sermon… Part of the goal is “the only one I have to please is myself” but the other part is you shouldn’t offend everyone either. When someone is offended it gives them a feeling of superiority that they will use to take advantage of you. However, if you present yourself with confidence, you take away a good bit of that feeling of superiority (by countering it with your own) and forces them to reconsider their position of being offended. I dream of a world where chickens can cross roads without having their motives questioned.
scrappycoco Posted June 5, 2011 Author Posted June 5, 2011 Well, I figure I would update everyone on how things have been going with this challange. Anyway after the last visit I have had with her in a skirt and talking about what we have talked about. It is very obvious to me that I will prob never reach a level where I can comfortably wear a skirt and heels as confident as a do pants and heels. I think after this last visit I had I know why. So now to explain. With the weather being as nice as it was I figured I would try the skirt and heels thing one more time with out her asking me. So I decided on wearing my izod jean skirt, a black tank top, my light purple mens shirt, nude hose, and my LEI Mj's. I think everything looked great together and was very pleased with what I had picked out. Well when it come time for me to leave and my wife seen what I was wearing to my visit, well I'll just leave it at that. Anyway I noticed that even leaving my house I just didn't feel comfortable and confident. I went dress like I was anyway. I was sitting in the waiting room for about 15 min. I was the only one there. After she was done with the person she was with he left and she came and got me. She said "Oh look you dressed up for me." Not quite sure what she ment by that but anyway. We talked for a bit about the issue I had with my wife before I left. Once again she was very jellious of my legs saying "Seeing more of your legs like this make's me wonder why you are not as confident wearing a skirt. You should have no reason not to be you have some of the best legs that I have seen in a long time." Yet she could tell by the way I was sitting in the lobby and acting that I just did not feel comfortable and confident in a skirt and heels as I do in pants and heels. She feels that after the deiscusion on last thursday that it all stems around my wife and the way she acts when I wear a skirt and heels. She feels that do to the fact that women when they are single will tend to wear skirts and dress's more to attract a mans attention than to wear them becuase that is what they want to wear. She feels my wife thinks I am trying to do the same. She also thinks that maybe my wife acts the way she does because she thinks I look sexy and for a women to like a man based on the way he looks in womens clothing is calling in to question her own sexuallity. For me it's really hard to say. I can go almost anywhere with my wife wearing pants and heels but would never be able to do that with a skirt and heels. So we talked about that and some other things after I left there I still did not feel comfortable being out in a skirt and heels. Who knows maybe some day I will but like I told my counselar that prob wont happen until I see more men being able to dress how they want where they want. Or until they start putting skirts and heels on the mens side of the isle. So I guess until then I will have to just wear my pants and heels and be happy I guess. I will post a picture of the outfit later today.
Shafted Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 scrappycoco, I just found this thread. Thanks for bumping it to the top. It got my attention. I read the whole thread in it's entirety. As soon as read the part where she challenged you to wear a skirt and heels, I knew exactly what she was up to. And next time you see her tell her that I applaud her for her intuition and honesty. Things played out EXACTLY as I suspected they would. I'm happy for you man. Shafted, the boots that is! View my gallery here http://www.hhplace.o...afteds-gallery/ or view my heeling thread here http://www.hhplace.org/topic/3850-new-pair-of-boots-starts-me-serious-street-heeling/ - Pm me if you want fashion advice or just need someone to talk to.
roniheels Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 scrappycoco, Thank you for sharing this with us. I hope everything works out the best for you and I hope you decide to wear what makes you feel the best and most comfortable wearing. Best of luck to you.
maninpumps Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 In the words of my mother do not forget to cross your legs. I think you look fine in the posted pics . Good luck and have fun with whatever you choose to wear.
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