Partners thoughts of you wearing womens footwear?

[bluesman]

OK, I'm really confused & don't know what to make of this. As I've mentioned in other posts, my heeling has recently been discovered by my wife, and she's not approving at all. Or so I thought: She's been out of town for 4 days, and just called to say she's on her way home. In this converstation, she says to me, "Time to put away all the heels and boots, I'm about 15 minutes away." I joked back, "They're going back in the closet." wtf???

[johnieheel]

OK, I'm really confused & don't know what to make of this. As I've mentioned in other posts, my heeling has recently been discovered by my wife, and she's not approving at all. Or so I thought:

She's been out of town for 4 days, and just called to say she's on her way home. In this converstation, she says to me, "Time to put away all the heels and boots, I'm about 15 minutes away." I joked back, "They're going back in the closet."

wtf???

I think you should great her with heels on and a big welcome home kiss. Then see where it goes from there.

[Majo]

Blusman, I think you should thank her for the good sense of humor she has. Maybe she doesn't approve, but she does know there are certain things that are your decision.

I believe that coment means "I don't aprove, but I accept who you are". I mean... great!!!

[Bubba136]

Bluesman, I think you're in for difficult times ahead!

[bluesman]

I think you should great her with heels on and a big welcome home kiss. Then see where it goes from there.

DOH! A missed opportunity. Great suggestion, johnie. Next time she has a little fun with this I've got to be quicker on my feet (no pun intended) to turn it to my advantage.

[BCBG]

Blusman, I think you should thank her for the good sense of humor she has. Maybe she doesn't approve, but she does know there are certain things that are your decision.

I believe that coment means "I don't aprove, but I accept who you are". I mean... great!!!

I aggree with Majo, I believe she is starting to accept you wearing heels. First, shes saying its ok for you to wear them when shes out, soon it will be ok for you to wear them when shes in.

Be open with her and let her know you enjoyed wearing heels when she was away, and see what her response is.

Good luck,

Guy

[shyguy]

An amusing little incident happened to me recently. After I had bought my knee high boots (low heels) my wife immediately gave me the disapproving look and forbid me to wear them with her around. Shortly afterwards we were going out, and I put on a pair of my mens boots which I hadn't worn for a long time. As we went to leave my wife looked down at my shoes and started to have a go, telling me to get those off now, etc. She thought I was wearing the knee high boots, till I started laughing and showed her they were my mens boots. But it also proved how much the new boots look masculine as she mistook my old boots for them as they have the same shape front.

[mrhiheelz]

Thats is a funny comment from your wife. I had a similar situation, my wife came home and saw me in some pumps and she replied, "those are cute". Basically saying, those better not be new shoes. Then about 6 months later. She came home and I had the same shoes on, and she said, "I don't like those shoes". Bottom line is my wife is jealous of me having heels. Especially, when I didn't buy her any. Normally, I will buy heels for me and then take here shopping to get what she wants. THIS WORKS FOR ME!!! Now, to stay with the question. My wife does not like me wear heels but she will let me wear them in private and in intimate moments.

[Titou27]

Hi, My wife, the real love of my life, doesn't know and will certainly disapprove...

[Majo]

...mmm... you are in the oven,,, as we say here

[Titou27]

oh... yes... completely

[Titou27]

Situation has changed... She still don't know my passion of wearing high heels, but she knows that I'm posting on this forum... Maybe she will come and read. Just wait and see...

[bluesman]

I think I'm having a breakthrough in my situation. Since my wife seems to be becoming more accepting, by way of having a sense of humor about my heeling, this morning I decided to go for it and wear them in front of her. I had an overnight business trip and the weather is cold and wet, so what better time to wear boots? The pair of block heeled boots she found in my car has been sitting in our bedroom since discovery. After getting dressed and packing my case, I put on the boots and went out to where she was reading the paper, and started up conversation. After a few minutes she says, "Wearing your boots today?". Yeah, I said, this is boot weather. Just threw it out there. There was the briefest of pauses while she smiled, sort of shook her head and regained her train of thought, and then that was it! We talked about family & house matters for a few more minutes, said our good-byes, and off I went. Just had to share my sense of relief with everyone!

[johnieheel]

I think I'm having a breakthrough in my situation.

Since my wife seems to be becoming more accepting, by way of having a sense of humor about my heeling, this morning I decided to go for it and wear them in front of her. I had an overnight business trip and the weather is cold and wet, so what better time to wear boots?

The pair of block heeled boots she found in my car has been sitting in our bedroom since discovery. After getting dressed and packing my case, I put on the boots and went out to where she was reading the paper, and started up conversation. After a few minutes she says, "Wearing your boots today?". Yeah, I said, this is boot weather. Just threw it out there. There was the briefest of pauses while she smiled, sort of shook her head and regained her train of thought, and then that was it! We talked about family & house matters for a few more minutes, said our good-byes, and off I went.

Just had to share my sense of relief with everyone!

Sounds pretty basic to me. I think she has excepted the fact that you wear heels and loves you enough to just let you be you. Of course I'm not an expert on these things.

[Majo]

Well, Bluesman, enjoy. Cheers to you, my friend!!! Titou... Do you need a helmet?

[Shoeiee]

Bluesman - Sounds like things are starting to come around for you on this subject!! Good luck and I hope to read more positive progress on your front soon!! Dressboots - On Dec 1 you stated in one of your posts..."I did say to my wife the last time we were on the subject that I was trying to rid myself of the boot "demon" (a strong word that I don't believe but wanted to define how she felt on the subject) and she said it was nothing like that and she never opposed my wearing women's boots. She swings back and forth on acceptance and rejection. It does have a lot to do with what her female buddies say and think." The part that I find most interesting is how her friends influence her thoughts on this and the impact it has on your shoe choice. As you know, it takes a LOT of courage and to wear heels as a man. This is something that can play in your favor in this regard...Something you can encourage her to tell her friends if they ever notice is "At least MY man has the courage to be himself!!" Or something along those lines...It takes great self-confidence and courage to do many things...Sky-diving, rock-climbing, any major sport...But those are all universally accepted as 'masculine' things to do. Imagine how quickly MANY of these top athletes would admit to being a whimp when faced with the challenge of admitting they enjoyed wearing heels...They'd MELT under the pressure!!! But you, on the other hand, can keep your cool and actually enjoy the experience. THAT is a feat of no minor proportions!! So have her use that angle when talking with her friends about it...Have her combat any negative statements with confidence, pride and a bit of arrogance that "MY MAN's" got 'what it takes' to be 'different'!!!

[legbarer]

My wife was the one who encouraged me to begin wearing high heels. She bought me 2 pairs of black strappy high heels which she asked me to wear, after I shaved my legs and painted my nails red. I wear them out and about, including to the mall. I feel comfortable wearing the heels, except on cold winter days when my bare toes get cold.

[thedesigner]

U lucky man legbarer!! Soulmate loves me being happy as I am too, her daughter bought me tights for xmas ... Soulmate chooses with me and insists i try them on in the shop..... unless they're heels she wants for herself !!

[latindancer]

My wife/ex-wife to be approved of me wearing whatever I wanted, as long as it was at home. She even helped out with helping me buy my clothes and shoes. She even one New years got me dressed up enfemme, nice black dress(complete dress), and she did the same thing. She looked beautiful and I looked great and felt great. It was the best New Years we had as a couple. Now, that we are divorcing, I wish I can find someone just like her. We are still friends though, and I have told her about my heeling out. She even said that if we were still married that she would've supported that as well. Oh well, She was a good woman, but a lousy wife. It's going to be hard to replace her, especially with my heeling/dressing situation.

[yozz]

I told my wife 5 years ago about my feelings for high heels, after we had bought a nice pair of boots for her. I told her I was jealous of her boots. She was quite good about it. It came as a complete surprise, also the fact that I like skirts and tights. As we can read in many stories her first worries were whether I liked men (reply: absolutely not) and whether I wanted to become a woman (reply: no). After that she started thinking and when I told her that I had this already since my childhood, she reasoned that since she like me very much before I told her this and that telling it her didn't change me, she concluded that she still liked me. Actually I think even more, because I entrusted her with this deepest of my secrets. And we know both that the essence of a good relationship is not to try to change each others character. Hence she picked it up pretty fast and the next day we went together buying a pair of 5" boots for me. I must say: her social IQ is extremely high. I respect her very much. Y.

[las]

No partner..... or not at my age, or not yet. I would like to think that I could meet someone someday that shares the same interests as I.

[johnieheel]

No partner..... or not at my age, or not yet.

I would like to think that I could meet someone someday that shares the same interests as I.

Be patient but open about it when you do meet someone. Let them know right up front so as not to cause problems later in the relationship. Don't worry, there are plenty women out there who are open minded these days.

[thedesigner]

soulmate approves, and her daughter went shopping today in Dune and saw some heels she thought i'd love.... how's that for a positive attitude !!

[HeelD]

My OH actively encourages my freestyling. She's happy for me to wear what I like with her and tells me if the outfit I'm wearing works or not. Also she likes to point out shoes to me that I may like or will look good on me, and tells me if any shoes that I want have been reduced in a sale for example. She sometimes complains that I own too many (and I do own many) and says it would be so much better if we had the same shoe size (so she can pinch my shoes of course! ) To her I'm Emelda Marcos!

[thedesigner]

now why does that sound familiar to me !! Soulmate does the same... Only problem is: if I buy some new ones, she demands new shoes too however i do get her cast offs as we are the same size (6) but unfortunately she doesn't cast them off much.... !!

[will]

My wife totally hates the idea of me wearing anything to do with women's shoes. She doesn't want me to even think about it. Not even for a second. Hmm, I'm married for three years, too late to change the most closed-minded woman in the world. She's so stubborn she kept her last name. I never see her wear a ring either. Most you guys are lucky. Then again I wasn't lucky in finding a woman, and that's a whole nother topic. I just grabbed onto this one for fear of being lonely. What was i supposed to do? Put an ad "Single Man Looking for Woman who loves high heels AND doesn't mind partner wears 'em too"? Hmm, maybe I shoulda. I did buy some heels for my wife, but she doesn't wear them, they just sit in the closet. She will wear heels, if they're low, maybe 1" or 2" if I'm lucky to coax her into wearing them. I never saw her try on anything higher than 4". But 2"-4" hmm maybe she'll try them on, then complain "they're too tight, they're too loose, they're too itchy, they're too sweaty, they're this that, blah blah blah and 101 excuses. I guess youtube is a great website if you know what I mean, *wink wink, haha, got great vids of women in heels, haha, the yolks on you, wife! Well g'nite.

[JNR]

sounds to me like you both made a huge mistake in choosing each other. time for serious reflection and contemplation on "do you want to be miserable for the rest of your life?" If you want to find a woman that is accepting of you in heels, just wear them out socially and you'll soon find one that likes you for yourself. (wave good-bye:wave:)

[euchrid]

My wife totally hates the idea of me wearing anything to do with women's shoes. She doesn't want me to even think about it. Not even for a second.

Mine is the same unfortunately. Last Saturday evening, after arriving home from the 2008 HeelMeet, I gave my wife a brief and watered-down description of how it went, what went on, etc.

She was horrified to hear that I had taken a pair of stiletto-heeled boots with me and had sat in the Miller drinking a pint (or two! ) while wearing them.

(I didn't mention that i'd also gone for a stroll down Oxford Street in them )

Anyway, we then got into a discussion as to why I "do it". I couldn't really answer that question but I mentioned various factors and pointed out the double-standards in society over what woman can wear on their feet (i.e. anything they like) vs. what us men can wear (a narrow range of dull, functional items) and so on but it was all to no avail - she remained unhappy/uncomfortable with the idea. Then I asked her a question:-

"Is it the heels that are the problem? Would you be comfortable with this if I was wearing flat-soled womans shoes or a pair of womans trainers?"

Her answer was "Absolutely not" - which I found very interesting. It indicated that she hasn't got a specific dislike with me wearing blatently female items of footwear - it's with me wearing anything that isn't a 'male' garment. The thought of it somehow diminishes my male-ness in her eyes (or her mind).

I know that this is a deep-rooted, subconcious feeling that she has, so there's no way to convince her otherwise.

I can't see us ever getting to the situation that Heel-D, Johnieheel, thedesigner and other HHP guys enjoy with their partners. I just have to let things continue as they are and hope that she will come to realise in time that this is just something harmless which does not and won't ever affect our day-to-day relationship.

As Frank Spencer used to assert - "I'm a Man, betty!"

I shall have to start doing the same!

[fastfreddy2]

Anyway, we then got into a discussion as to why I "do it". I couldn't really answer that question but I mentioned various factors and pointed out the double-standards in society over what woman can wear on their feet (i.e. anything they like) vs. what us men can wear (a narrow range of dull, functional items) and so on but it was all to no avail - she remained unhappy/uncomfortable with the idea. Then I asked her a question:-

"Is it the heels that are the problem? Would you be comfortable with this if I was wearing flat-soled womans shoes or a pair of womans trainers?"

Her answer was "Absolutely not" - which I found very interesting. It indicated that she hasn't got a specific dislike with me wearing blatently female items of footwear - it's with me wearing anything that isn't a 'male' garment. The thought of it somehow diminishes my male-ness in her eyes (or her mind).

I know that this is a deep-rooted, subconcious feeling that she has, so there's no way to convince her otherwise.

25 years ago (when I woz young), my part-time interest in going out to fetish clubs (or uber trendy clubs) dressed in full girlie gear didn't seem to bother my intimate friends, and certainly didn't bother any of my women friends. My then partner, actually encouraged me enormously. As now, I didn't 'dress up' at home, only to go out.

My wife knew all about this before we got hitched, but she assumed (as did I) all that was behind me. Though I kept all my old shoes.... Since Christmas I seem to have gone berserk on heels, but I think this is just me re-acclimatising myself. I'm already calming down. Oddly, I still don't spend much time wearing heels at home.

However, I go out most nights, walking quieter streets. If I go out early, I usually go with a 'lady-friend' who enjoys the walks, but doesn't want her friends to meet us, as she'd rather not have to explain what's going on. [she's the woman I brought with me to London.] She has always known of my interest in high heeled shoes.

Another lady-friend doesn't [even] want to talk about it, though I keep threatening to turn up with heels on. Her most often mentioned response to this, regards the neighbours.

Another (slightly younger South American) girl-friend, who I had hoped to take to the Miller, is actually looking forward to meeting me with heels on. She's known about my interest in them since day one, now 5 or 6 years ago. Like me, she never expected to see me wearing them.

My (long suffering) wife has mixed feelings to say the least.

As above, my wife sees me as 100% man [ ] and doesn't understand my interest in heels (though knew all about my past) and certainly doesn't find me attractive wearing them.

Just after Christmas, she was okay having me change into heels when we walked home from a local restaurant, as there was little or no prospect of us bumping into anyone we know. [Alcohol might have helped.] Last Monday we both spent the afternoon and evening at the O2 Arena (aka Dome), having attended the Tutankhamun Exhibition. As she knew I'd rather stick my head in a pan of boiling fat rather than spend (what turned out to be) 3 hours walking around looking at 3000+ year old artefacts, she agreed I could wear heels while we were out. There was no chance of us meeting anyone we know [our friends are also Philistines] and my ankle boots are really discreet. On the day, I was more worried about me wearing them, than she was.

She has since proposed we eat out somewhere local on Saturday, and walk home with me wearing heels. [What's she after?] Not enthusiasm perhaps, but maybe a reserved acceptance?

So what do I conclude?

Younger people are more accepting (if they are ever going to be accepting).

People who have always known you as a HH shoe wearer, are maybe also going to be more accepting.

But women who know you as a 'regular' man, are going to think you've had a personality transplant if one day you come home and declare you've become the new owner of some 5 inch heeled, shoes or boots. Apart from the obvious shock of their 'man' owning such shoes, it possibly has the same effect on a woman as them bringing home a vibrator might have on us. Our (male) immediate response would be to wonder what was missing (from our performance), for them to need a vibrator.....

One of the remarks my wife has made was; 'why do I [me] need to wear heels when she has 20 or 30 pairs she's happy to wear for me'? My only answer - that I've not really discussed with her, is that wearing heeled shoes seems 'normal' to me. I haven't mentioned this, because she's already struggling with what she hopes is a short term interest in heels. If I told her that I think this is going to be a long term thing, I'm not sure she would want to even try to cope. So at the moment, I'm trying to acclimatise her in small steps.

Not sure what to expect longterm, but us humans are generally speaking naturally inclined to accept even unpleasant changes in our circumstances. I'm quite hopeful she'll be walking out with me when the weather improves, but it won't be anywhere local. She doesn't need the grief of explaining to her friends my interest in HH, and I don't want her to have to try to explain it either. If I were single, I'm starting to think I wouldn't much care who knew. But I'm not single, and I've got a duty (I welcome) to try to make her life as comfortable as I can.

So little steps for now.

[shyguy]

I can relate to both Euchrid and FastFreddy, my wife knew about my "heel thing" before we were married, but is not accepting of it. It has to be kept behind closed doors as far as she is concerned. Sometimes we talk about it, but just short conversations before she changes the subject.