Our Responsibility As Public Heelers

[JeffB]

When people here compliment me by saying that I'm an influence on them and call me a role model for my public outings in heels, I take those comments to heart. It fills me with pride to know that others look up to me, and I look upon that as a responsibility that I take very seriously.

For us as men to go into the big, bad public wearing high heels means not just wearing the shoes, anybody can do that, the important thing is doing it exceptionally well in every possible aspect of the endeavor. Remember, when we're out and about, like it or not, we're ambassadors representing an entire culture who seek to eliminate the longstanding and incorrect stereotype lodged in the minds of the world at large that men who choose to wear women's shoes are weirdos/freaks/kooks/perverts. To dispell that mindset, we have to both look our best and be at our best at ALL times. We can't just wear the shoes the hit the streets, we have to put together an entire that compliments the shoes which becomes part of a total look, not something that stands out like the proverbial sore thumb. We HAVE to think along the lines of being fashionable, looking sharp. If you dress your best, you'll feel your best. Plain and simple.

The other component to dressing well is acting well. When we go out in heels, we have to act and feel calm, cool, collected and confident, that we have every right to travel wherever we want, whenever we want, dressed in the way WE want to be dressed, not how how society wants us to dress. I'm sure this has already been mentioned on this board about a million times, but it's crucial that we project a positive image to the everyone we come across, we have to project the image that it's no big deal for us to be wearing heels in public, by doing that, people who see us won't pay us much attention. But if we act shy, withdrawn, nervous or furtive, curious minds who see us acting that way will automatically wonder what's up with us, thus attracting the sort of negative attention we can do without. In short, image is everything, the right image will take us far while the wrong image can invite catastrophe. The choice is up to you.

Our responsibility as public heelers is to present just the right image that says to society that we're not weirdos/freaks/kooks/perverts, and that's something we have to work at each and every time we go out. But if you do have everything down pat, it'll make you public heeling experiences all the more enjoyable and rewarding. Think about it.

[raymond.nl]

But please do remember that it's shoes we talking about. Just shoes. Nothing more, nothing less. And everybody should be able to wear whatever shoes they want without giving it a second thought.

[William]

No, it's not "just shoes", not by a long shot! There's an attitude that one has when wearing something fierce on their feet. There's a whole different way of walking and carrying one's torso and shoulders. There's being that much taller than the rest of the crowd. (With my 5" boots, I stand at 6' 4" ... huge difference when standing in line!!!) There's the raw sexual expression of being someone other than the usual guy in his pudgy jeans and tennis shoes. Nope, nada, no way . . . not just shoes. And I agree with the first writer... we've got to have the right look in heels. We must pull off the whole look if we're ever going to get the nod we want from others.

[ShockQueen]

I have also found that it's way easier to pull it off by co-ordinating your heels with the rest of your outfit. If you do it half-arsed, then it looks bad no matter how you slice it. There is a certain pride when it comes to donning a pair of heels to go with an outfit. I know it's something I've taken to heart when picking out a good pair of heels - knowing that I can actually wear them without them sticking out like a sore thumb.

[loswabs]

I have also found that it's way easier to pull it off by co-ordinating your heels with the rest of your outfit. If you do it half-arsed, then it looks bad no matter how you slice it. There is a certain pride when it comes to donning a pair of heels to go with an outfit. I know it's something I've taken to heart when picking out a good pair of heels - knowing that I can actually wear them without them sticking out like a sore thumb.

I totaly agree ShockQueen. I spent an hour or more yesterday trying combinations before going out. I also took a "back-up" outfit in the car just in case I had a last minute change of mind. See, it's not just women who do that!! My reserve outfit was purple suede ankle boots and a matching scarf, as the red boots really are attention grabbers. I'd glad I wore the red ones, but also didn't wear the purple as they're only a 3" heel and I wanted something a little higher.

[Stilettoscot]

"Style" is all up to the person who chooses to street heel, so HOW someone decides to put their outfit together isn't part of this, IMO. The one "responsibility" I'd say we have is BEING CONFIDENT! Like we belong out there with our choice of shoes on (which we do)!

[rxrenesis]

I agree it not just the heels it is the entire outfit. We should work to coordinate our outfits. rx

[fastfreddy2]

Our responsibility as public heelers is to present just the right image that says to society that we're not weirdos/freaks/kooks/perverts, and that's something we have to work at each and every time we go out. But if you do have everything down pat, it'll make you public heeling experiences all the more enjoyable and rewarding. Think about it.

I don't have to think, I'm already with you 100%.

Great notion for "best practice". As you rightly say, we are ambassadors for change, and should behave accordingly. A sense of style isn't always available, so for those who feel they struggle, perhaps get a second opinion if possible.

Look good, feel good ~ eh?

...

[Celso999]

I would just add the fact that we should always look UP when walking in heels. From my own experience, this causes people in the streets not to be attracted by your choice of shoes and, if they do, they will respect you as you are projecting a confident image of yourself. Best Regards, Celso

[tallguyinheels]

I guess I'm a fairly boring dresser - even in heels... Pretty much the same as when not in heels - with Winter nearly upon us, a pair of slacks, dockers or dark jeans - a button down shirt, belt to match the shoes, sweater on top, or a sport coat. The only difference is that I have much more expensive and better fitting (Women's?) jeans when in heels, and all the pants are longer. Jeff, good point though, that we represent a culture - but know more important than how I wish to represent myself.

[hhboots]

Great post Jeff, I fully agree with you. Good tips for many that are taking their first steps out. I want to add for those newer to street heeling, especially those that are very nervous about it... I read time and time again in many of the posts here of guys going out their first time, wearing blatantly obvious and extreme heels. Well, unfortunately, you probably look and feel like a sore thumb in public. You want to appear confident in your walk, and walking out in those types of shoes, you will end up spending a great deal of time concentrating on your steps, and less time looking comfortable and natural in your shoes. You may feel great about yourself at home in those super sexy shoes, but honestly, if you want to go out in public with heels, wear what a typical woman (even a woman that loves heels) would wear. Stick with 3-4" heels at least initially until your confidence and skill increase, then perhaps you can go for the gold and wear exactly what you want I suppose (while still falling within Jeff's suggestions in his post). Don't want to set anybody off, but please be realistic about your first public outings.

[Histiletto]

RESPONSIBILITY -- Sound like an awesome burden to bear. I think I'll replace it with opportunity. Being able to share who you are by appearance and conversation lifts the burden of responsibility to where it becomes an opportunity to spread the freedom and the happiness you feel as a heeler. You don't have to be the life of the party, but show some assertion to comfort those around you should they openly acknowledge your heeling, and share your joy with them by always keeping a sense of humor and decorum. Some people keep important things like that in their shoes, which in your case are heels. So step on it, so osmosis can work.

Thanks for heeling, whether you be a man or a woman.

[secondtake20]

I agree with Jeff and HHboots 100%! The boots I have chosen to start wearing out only have a 2 & 1/2 inch block high heel. (I posted them under the payless thread and new shoes bought thread today). I can wear and walk easily in heels as high as 5 to 5 & 1/2 inches but I don't think the area I live in would take kindly to a guy wearing 5 inch heels too well. I usually wear jeans casual or my khaki work slacks during the week and I feel these will go unnoticed. I feel that I should be able to wear what shoes I want to, but being in a rural area, I feel I should keep it low keyed as possble. Plus I never go into town with out seeing and talking with someone I know. So I am going to heel responsible as possble.

[jwhite44]

I'm a little torn on JeffB's comments. I certainly understand where he's coming from. In sort of a selfish way, it definitely can make it easier for the rest of us to not have a fellow heel wearer give us a bad reputation (however that would happen...). On the other hand, if JeffB was a conservative gay man, and said, "It would be easier on us if those who were more flaming or flamborant toned it down.", I'm not sure how that might be received. Or, perhaps, a woman who doesn't want busty, blonde woman to wear low-cut tops, short skirts, and high heels, because all men might think all woman who dress similarly are tramps. I think the whole outfit thing has a lot to what your heeling goal is. For me, I'd like to be able to wear them with absolutely no noticing or comments from others. I do have a specific outfit (basically long jeans), but it's mean for discretion, not style. There's a decent size group (JeffB included) that have the style thing down, and they make sure their shoes go with the hosiery, which goes with their pants/skirt, then with their top, etc. I don't go to that detail with my male clothing, so it's not likely I'd do it (or well) with woman's. Then there are some others that just want to wear whatever they want - they're going to wear 7" heels with 3" platform, because they want to. Realistically there's not much they can do (wearing a stylish outfit, or walking head-up) that will minimize it's impact. While I appreciate what each of those groups is trying to accomplish, and certainly nothing personal to anyone, as someone looking to wear heels with no attention, I'm not sure I'd want to be in the same mall heeling with one guy who's wearing his heels with a skirt, and another who's wearing platform heels. That's not the attention (perhaps association) I need. But again, I'm defending the group I'm in. JeffB I'd put (easily) in the stylish group, and his comments I think make it easier for him and others like him. I think the statement by hhboots is a good piece of practical advise - if you're a first time heeler, and/or aren't looking to draw attention to yourself, then (literally) leave the 5" heels in the closest, and start out with something lower (perhaps wider also). I really don't want to come off as sounding critical of anyone. I think what makes our group great is it's diversity. I'm definitely much more of a public heeler than I ever thought I'd be, and part of that was accounts by 'more advanced' posters. Did one of JeffB's postings on his heel and sweater coordination inspire me, probably not. However, one by someone else on combining long jeans with ankle boots hit the spot. I'm sure women have a ton of different reasons for wearing heels (from "trying to fit in an office environment" to "wanting to look super-sexy"). I'm not sure you can come out and say, "this is the way you should be wearing them." As long as we are supportive of how anyone chooses to wear them (as long as they are comfortable with it themselves, and aren't looking for help), I think all is good.

[dubheii]

For me, I'd like to be able to wear them with absolutely no noticing or comments from others.

I'm definitely in this group. I enjoy wearing heels for myself. I am most comfortable wearing block heels hidden under long jeans. I still get the thrill of the rise without being the center of attention.

I think that our decision of how we wear our heels is based on our individual personalities. I don't think that there is a "right" way or "wrong" way to wear heels, just "our own" way.

This notion of "responsibility" takes the whole thing a little too seriously for my taste. Yes, just MHO...

Those of you that disagree can now take pot shots at me.

[Stilettoscot]

Great post Jeff, I fully agree with you. Good tips for many that are taking their first steps out.

I want to add for those newer to street heeling, especially those that are very nervous about it... I read time and time again in many of the posts here of guys going out their first time, wearing blatantly obvious and extreme heels. Well, unfortunately, you probably look and feel like a sore thumb in public. You want to appear confident in your walk, and walking out in those types of shoes, you will end up spending a great deal of time concentrating on your steps, and less time looking comfortable and natural in your shoes.

You may feel great about yourself at home in those super sexy shoes, but honestly, if you want to go out in public with heels, wear what a typical women (even a woman that loves heels) would wear. Stick with 3-4" heels at least initially until your confidence and skill increase, then perhaps you can go for the gold and wear exactly what you want I suppose (while still falling within Jeff's suggestions in his post).

Don't want to set anybody off, but please be realistic about your first public outings.

Personally, I'm not so sure this applies to everyone. Part of the "confidence" everyone "needs" to have stems from the shoes they are wearing, and HOW these shoes make them feel. While most of my outtings (non-clubbing) occur with only 4 - 4.5" heels, they are still styles that make me feel like only these shoes can. If I slip on 2 3/4" Cuban Heeled boots, let's say, then that feeling won't be there, for me, regardless of how I am "supposed" to appear out in public. It would effect my confidence.

Simply put, I am much more confident in more "blatantly obvious and extreme" heels out, and it effects my walk and swagger positively. That's more important, to me, than trying not to "stick out like a sore thumb"...

It's all about the confidence and swagger, right?

I particularly like jwhite's post. While my personal goal is not to attract all the attention while on the street, I don't mind, now, some attention, and can deflect the usual array of questions. Many of these encounters end up being very positive.

So, I know my shoes will get noticed, even if I am not openely displaying them to do so. The style of shoes I get the special feeling from are those which will get noticed. I have come to grips with that, and have learned to turn it into a positive. For me, anyways.

But, if your personal situation doesn't allow the same opportunity, or you can still get the special feeling and thus walk with confidence and swagger with a low block heel, then that's awsome. I just need more blatant shoes...

[hhboots]

Good point Scott... after reading stories and seeing pictures of your outings in higher heels right from the start, you are a clear example of one that can pull it off from day one. There were just several recent posts of guys trying to go out in 5-6" heels for their first outing and they sounded like they were kind of tough going, and I can only imagine the awkwardness of them trying to appear confident and non-chalant in those shoes. But you are correct, my message perhaps does not apply to all, no biggie

[Thighbootguy]

I’ve been thinking about JeffB comments a good bit and do not agree with several points.

I reject the notion that I am an “ambassadors representing an entire culture …“. I’m just a guy that like to wear thigh boots and I’m taking it less and less seriously all the time. Ambassadorships imply a level of responsibility that I do not accept.

I’m also not comfortable with the notion that I “HAVE to think along the lines of being fashionable, looking sharp.” My definition of fashion is - a mode of dressing that is acceptable to the majority. The way I dress is not fashionable for a guy and probably not fashionable for most gals. However, I think a guy or gal in thighboots looks perfectly fine and it’s a look I enjoy presenting. I don’t plan on stopping just because it’s not fashionable.

“When we go out in heels, we have to act and feel calm, cool, collected and confident”. I agree with feeling confident, but only as a technique of mental self defense, everything else imposes too many restrictions. Wearing heels should not prevent you from having a wild time, dancing on tables, and comparing you shoes with anyone else’s to see who has the higher heel, or sitting meekly in a corner and not saying a word. If that’s what you want to do, wearing heels shouldn’t be a reason not to do it.

I reject the notion that “Our responsibility as public heelers is to present just the right image that says to society that we're not weirdos/freaks/kooks/perverts”. Some (many) of us are a bit eccentric, weird, and a little kookie, were wearing women’s high heels for crying out loud.

When I go out, I do try to wear stuff that I think looks good. “Good” is ultimately based on my opinion, which I have formed from my own eye, and the advice of others. When I have described my look for folks on this board, some have admired it while others have indicated it wasn’t to their taste. I have had the same reaction to what others have described as their look, some I liked, others I didn’t. It’s not my call to tell others how they would look good. Constructive criticism and advice is one thing, but telling someone what to wear is quite another.

Looking good is a very personal thing. If you think you look good in a Brooks Brothers suit, go for it, but if you think jeans look good, go for that.

There is also the fashion concept of dressing for the occasion. Does the occasion call for a suit, jeans, flats, 5” stilettos,… It’s all input to your determining what looks good. But the key is, it’s your determination.

I have been preaching that if you go out in public, you should feel confident with the look you present, whatever that look is. This has nothing to do with being fashionable or “looking good”, rather being confident is a state of mind that help you fend off the embarrassment others will try to impose.

[crotchboots-m]

since i am not running for office,sainthood,or anything else i will just keep my pecker in my pants in public...and i think that will keep me out of trouble...if not,i want hire racehorse haines as my lawyer

[thighhighguy]

since i am not running for office,sainthood,or anything else i will just keep my pecker in my pants in public...and i think that will keep me out of trouble...if not,i want hire racehorse haines as my lawyer

That quite right, at the end of the day we are all free to do exactly what we like as long as we do not break the law.

And wearing heels certainly breaks no laws in my eyes.

[Histiletto]

As my chosen title infers, stiletto heels are the only style that I want to wear. I do have a few tall and slender styled block heeled platforms that occasionally get picked for subdued romps from time to time, but I really favor the stiletto heeled patent court shoe look with possibly the Mary Jane buckled strap securing most of the time. Right now, this type of footwear is in the social definition of feminine styling, because of the evolutionary process our society has promoted. Wearing these stilettoes with this social attitude, causes the viewer to assume the wearer has a fetish and/or is a pervert. OK! So what! We have grown up heeling in modes of secrecy because of this same social atmosphere. When I thought I was the only existing male that wanted to wear heels, I had little hope of seeing a time where I would find any kind of acceptance. Over a span of years, some truths were opened and I came to realize there were others that felt as I do, but most of them had also been programmed into a kind of secrecy mode. Our responsibility as male heelers in public is to do it and do it as often as we feel comfortable. As more people come in contact with men wearing high heels, the newness will become commonplace and the people who are closet heelers like I use to be, will know they can openly display their heeling tendencies. There will be some occassions of friction, because not everyone has been taught the importance of an individual's right to choose their own look as they want it to be. Like I keep saying, if you have the right to tell me how to dress, then I have the right to tell you how I want you to dress. Sounds fair, doesn't it?

[roniheels]

Personally, I'm not so sure this applies to everyone. Part of the "confidence" everyone "needs" to have stems from the shoes they are wearing, and HOW these shoes make them feel. While most of my outtings (non-clubbing) occur with only 4 - 4.5" heels, they are still styles that make me feel like only these shoes can. If I slip on 2 3/4" Cuban Heeled boots, let's say, then that feeling won't be there, for me, regardless of how I am "supposed" to appear out in public. It would effect my confidence.

Simply put, I am much more confident in more "blatantly obvious and extreme" heels out, and it effects my walk and swagger positively. That's more important, to me, than trying not to "stick out like a sore thumb"...

It's all about the confidence and swagger, right?

I particularly like jwhite's post. While my personal goal is not to attract all the attention while on the street, I don't mind, now, some attention, and can deflect the usual array of questions. Many of these encounters end up being very positive.

So, I know my shoes will get noticed, even if I am not openely displaying them to do so. The style of shoes I get the special feeling from are those which will get noticed. I have come to grips with that, and have learned to turn it into a positive. For me, anyways.

But, if your personal situation doesn't allow the same opportunity, or you can still get the special feeling and thus walk with confidence and swagger with a low block heel, then that's awsome. I just need more blatant shoes...

I wear high heels because of my feet and high arches. They are more comfortable. I wear stiletto high heels (4", 5", and 6") publicly because they are pretty, sexy shoes that I enjoy wearing with my coordinated outfits. I too get that "special feeling" when I wear high heels and especially in public. And I so agree it is a matter of confidence. The more I heel in public, not only the more confident I get, but now it is becoming a natural occurrence, no matter what reaction I receive (almost all are positive). As I have said I coordinate my men's suits and hats with my high heels (inspired by women wearing pant suits, hats, and high heels). As I dress for work in the morning, I almost always start to put on a pair of stiletto high heel pumps to wear to work (I wear men's boots with 3" and 3 1/2" heels to work). When I hear other men speak of the "swagger," I totally understand and relate.

[Shafted]

I for one, JeffB agree. I have practiced this philosophy for the good of the entire group. It does wonders for gaining the acceptance that everyone claims to yearn for. Wanting that acceptance is not going to make it happen. The only thing that will make it happen is giving the world examples of confident high heeling men. Men that the world can freely ask questions of and become comfortable with even with high heels. Even if other men you encounter or befriend have no desire to wear high heels, most will respect your desire to do so. I have done and will continue to be the best representative of this community that I can be. HHPlace has done so much for me that I do feel obligated to give back. That's one reason why I came back. There are many closeted heel wearers still who would love to street heel but for whatever reason feel that they can't. I do sympathize. Those of us who wear our heels in public are the pioneers who are paving the way for others. We really are changing the way that the world perceives us. If we don't try to change the publics view now, then when?

[heelguy]

This is exactly the attitude i try to take every single time i step foot outside in what's considered female's attire. If i can't make it look good, i wont wear it, it's that simple. I don't hide away in a dark alley trying to get a quick thrill from wearing my heels/dresses/skirts. I just want to go about my business and maybe even out of my way just to enjoy being out in the open wearing what makes me feel comfortable and feeling like im being my true self. Wearing this stuff is nothing to be ashamed of, so i always try and keep my head held high, and as stated many times over on this forum, the key to success in your heels is confidence. So look those people who give you strange stares right in the eyes and see for yourself who is the one that looks away first (without getting yourself beaten up for staring ). What's more rude, wearing what you feel like wearing, or staring at somebody for being different? So why should we be the ones to hide away? Be a part of something and open the public's eye to fashionable men pushing the boundaries!

[Shafted]

One thing everyone needs to understand is that tolerance is handed out by society in abundance. Acceptance on the other hand is earned on an individual basis. Acceptance if so desired must be a niche that one carves out for themselves. No one else can do it for you. Acceptance is a much more personal matter than tolerance.

[benno]

I have been ready to go out on a nice night out and at the last minute decided that some cute flat lace up men's plimsolls were a better match to the outfit I was wearing. Heels are not the only fruit. Cheers, Ben

[Shafted]

I have been ready to go out on a nice night out and at the last minute decided that some cute flat lace up men's plimsolls were a better match to the outfit I was wearing.

Heels are not the only fruit.

Cheers,

Ben

Absolutely benno! I still retain men's footwear for certain occasions, just not much of it. I do find that when I buy heels now, I am taking into account what can I wear them with.

[roniheels]

Absolutely benno! I still retain men's footwear for certain occasions, just not much of it. I do find that when I buy heels now, I am taking into account what can I wear them with.

Same here. Before I buy a pair of high heels, I too try to picture what outfit I am going to wear with them.

And I also agree with Ben. Many occassions on weekends when I have had to run 8-10 hours worth of non-stop errands, I am wearing athletic shoes as opposed to high heels to accomplish them.

[SleekHeels]

What Celso999 said about looking up... yes, I've found myself doing that and I think it's mostly the confidence I get from the heels - the extra height, my posture, how I walk, the sound - but as a relatively inexperienced public heeler I think there's also a touch of ostrich head-in-the-sand too that if I don't look down at my shoes neither will anybody else. It is mostly the confidence and feel-good factor though, much of which comes from being comfortable with the shoes/clothes I'm wearing and the environment I've chosen to wear them in (well perhaps we have a responsibility to push the boundaries a bit too). I like Histiletto's "opportunity" perspective, though I think we shouldn't shrink back from responsibility like it's a bad thing. I feel the responsibility is not to waste the opportunity to challenge the prejudice and stereotypes associated (a) with guys (we're not all insensitive pigs) and ( with heels (they don't imply a moral vaccuum - for guys or girls). That's just what wearing heels means to me. Actually I think that's the root of my wanting to wear heels in public - if it was just about me wearing heels keeping it private would be enough. So when I'm wearing heels in public I always try to make every encounter leave a positive image by being polite and considerate. And I also feel it's important to share experiences and reflections on this forum, to help others grappling with what are often very solitary issues. That's my take on responsibility.

[heelguy]

Absolutely benno! I still retain men's footwear for certain occasions, just not much of it. I do find that when I buy heels now, I am taking into account what can I wear them with.

You're going about buying heels all wrong. If you like the Shoe then you should buy them, and build the outfit around them. If that means going out and buying a whole new outfit just to match your shoes, then what better excuse to go shopping?!