heeldancer Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Have any of you guys ever noticed how women automatically assume that you're gay when you're wearing heels? I mean, sometimes when I'm out in public in heels, women see my shoes and automatically feel comfortable around me. They treat me as another girl and they automatically emasculate me mentally. Sure they don't mind hanging out with you or even giving you their phone numbers, but it's like they only want to be your freind, nothing else. Just recently, my girlfreind had some of her female freinds over one weekend and she suggested that I wear my heels around them. "The're just girls. They won't mind.", she said. So, I decided to just let my hair down and just feel comfortable with it and do it. At first, her freinds were a little uneasy seeing me in pumps, but after a while they started to feel comfortable with the whole situation and even began to give me compliments on them. However, their attitudes toward me began to change little by little that weekend. They started to treat me and act like as if I were not a man. They had emasculated me. At one point they got me upset because, after a few drinks, they began to openly talk to my girlfreind about taking her out and hooking her up with other guys. It was like they didn't see me as her boyfreind anymore, but rather her gay best freind. Fortunately, my girlfreind came to my defense and corrected them. Do most women automatically emasculate men just because they're wearing high heels?
crotchboots-m Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 ive said this before but i looks like i will have to say it again. you CANNOT control what other people think about men in heels,or anything else for that matter. either accept the good with bad or dont do it.
radiodave Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Thanks to so many gay stereotypes being thrown around, there are narrow-minded folks who automatically assume any guy doing something un-masculine must be gay. Phooey on them. It doesn't matter what other people think. If they want to show off their level of ignorance, good for them. Heck, I think if a woman I was interested in asked me if I was gay based on what shoes I wear, she'd better have some REALLY good other qualities for me to stay interested. On the other hand, there are women who would rather have a masculine man, so don't be surprised if wearing heels turns some women off, because it will. Nothing you can do about that. Would the playing field be a bit wider if you didn't wear heels? Certainly! Good for your girlfriend for setting her friends straight. Sounds like she's cool with your heels, and she sounds like a keeper from that standpoint.
vector Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 I think we need to keep in mind, that although many people will be accepting or tolerant, most of the public still view a man in high heels as not masculine (or gay). Just the way it is.
SandalFan Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 I'm straight, and been married for the last 14 years now. The only woman who's opinion I care about is my wife's, and she thinks I look great in heels. "Basic instincts, social life... Paradoxes side by side... Don't submit to stupid rules... Be yourself and not a fool... Don't accept average habits... Open your heart and push the limits..." - Enigma
HappyFeat Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 Do most women automatically emasculate men just because they're wearing high heels? First, there is a BIG difference between being emasculated and assuming you are gay. I have a few gay friends who are more masculine than most straight men. Being considered gay is a stereotype that unenlightened people often jump to. The vast majority of studies done on men who wear women's clothing items says that most are straight, in monogamous relationships, upper middle class and professional. Yes, many a sociologist have gotten tenure studying this phenomena. It sounds to me like you are frustrated by how your girlfriend's friends treat you. First off, having been through that many time (noticed repressed anger) women's friends tend to be horrible (my own unenlightened stereotype). That behavior is rude and totally inexcusable. If your relationship is good and your gf loves you, they should be happy and supportive of your relationship. But what can I say, they just lack civilty. My hunch is that they are just a group of emasculating hens and would have behaved the same way if you were wearing workboots. I'll even bet most of them are single or if not, do the same thing to their boyfriends. I have had very positive interactions with women while wearing heels, even flirtatious, forward interactions. The only time I was ever asked if I was gay, I was in a gay bar. I figured that was a fair question. And if she is asking, she must be inertested is the way I saw it. Kneehighs makes a good point. People also assume that there is a transgenders or fetish issue. Personally I hate being asked if I have a foot fetish or that assumption being made. Well, for me wearing heels is not a fetish or an outward sign of sexuality. Until people get their minds out of the gutters, stop the self-righteous proselytizing, anti-social rude behavior, and have an independent thought we are all in store for being labeled as something. No matter what shoes we wear. Style is built from the ground up!
sabotalot Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 I like open-back clogs, but have been discouraged from wearing them. "They're gay" my brother tells me. (I'm not.) I continue to wear them, and have even won on ebay a style that I favoured, but my pair (bought in 1979!) had become loose. I will soon have a pair of penny-loafer Bastads (almost new from the pix.) These are low key, yet they boast a nearly 3" heel. They are also open-back as are most other pairs of shooz that I have, (Brother likes lizard skin boots, and tries to advise me on shooz. Go figure.)
JeffB Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 Why? Because, just like men, they don't know any better. Period! Nothing could be simpler than that. It's also why we must do all we can to educate the public at large, telling them that our love for wearing heels is all about fashion choice and NOTHING about sexual preference. I don't want to LOOK like a woman, I just want to DRESS like a woman!
Thighboots2 Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 I often think that an easy way to spot a gay guy is to see just how well he is dressed and the care taken with appearance. Most straight guys don't seem to care nearly as much. Indeed gay men IMHO strive to be as masculine as possible in appearance. My wife thinks I am in touch with my "gay" side because I wear heels. It is an uphill struggle. Simon. Are you confusing me with someone who gives a damn?
roniheels Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 A female friend of mine owns an exotic boutique where Ihave bought several pairs of high heels. I explained to here the first time I was in her store that I wasn't gay, I didn't cross-dress, I just enjoyed wearing high heels. But last week when I went in to order a pair of high heels, she even asked me then if I was interested in some of the feminine attire that she had on sale. I explained to her again. And I thought I knew her real well. It's like others have said in this thread, people are going to think what they want to think, and you can't change their minds. You just have to do what you want to do, and ignore the stereotyping, and go about your business.
flavio Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 I never spoted a real gay wearing heels. Nobody came to me asking if I'm gay when in heels too. Flavio - Brazilian heel lover, now in France.
Danielinheels Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 I've gotten to the point where I just calmly explain that what I wear on my feet has nothing to do with whom I take to bed with me, and if they'd like proof, well... Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. - Oscar Wilde
crotchboots-m Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 gay people are mostly like the rest of us...pretty non-descript. now there are some that are so obviously feminine that is like a neon sign screaming it outloud. and then there are those really macho types that fool everyone. my question is this...where did everyone get this assumption about heels on men=gay? did they learn it or is inbred like our desire to wear the damn things.
jwhite44 Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Not to be discrimanatory, but while I've sometimes associated gay men with more effeminate clothing (frillier, more colorful), and while not in full makeup, they seem more concerned which their facial appearance, nails, etc., wearing heels is never something I would have associated with them. I know this don't sound right, but I'm not sure what group I'd put a man wearing heels in (to be honest, part of the reason, I'm not sure I ever saw one).
FXHH Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 I've gotten to the point where I just calmly explain that what I wear on my feet has nothing to do with whom I take to bed with me, and if they'd like proof, well... like your attitude, agree with you, and think along the same lines!!!
canadianbeaver17 Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 As most of you replied, once you tell them you are not gay, they change their opinion. It's almost the "are you gay?" is something to mask their own uncertainty of the situation. I think the issue is not that you are wearing something that isn't the norm, it is that they need time to comprehend what they just saw and think if they like it or not.
jwhite44 Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 I think if asked, I'd probably reply, "I just like the different sensation of wearing them." It's not because they are more comfortable, it's also not because I need the extra height, nor that they "just go's better" with the outfit I'm wearing (all perhaps typical female reasons). I'm sure if you asked woman why they like heels, some of the reasons they give are the same for them as for guys.
Dr. Shoe Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 I think the biggest reason is because guys in heels tell everyone they are not gay without any prompting at all which makes the other party assume that all the other high heel guys are! Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects.
johnieheel Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 Should have been with us at the Ohio heel meet in DSW, Aldo's and other stores. We definitely sat the public straight on this matter, didn't we guy's? lol. N. Canton will never be the same. real men wear heels
Histiletto Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Hey johnieheels! I haven't caught up on the Ohio heel meet, but I plan to read about it soon. Why do women/men automatically assume you're gay when you're in heels? Cus you ain't fitun them social ideals they growed up with. Their edjamacation ain't up to par neither. They ain't been learned that people have their own set of likes and dislikes. They further ain't been told that it is a right of choice for each person to choose for themselves how they want to exhibit their personage. Wish they'd let me choose their personage and see how they like it. Wouldn't that be fair? I apologize to those who are unfamiliar with the different dialects of the English language in the United States.
shorty82 Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Cus you ain't fitun them social ideals they growed up with. Their edjamacation ain't up to par neither. They ain't been learned that people have their own set of likes and dislikes. They further ain't been told that it is a right of choice for each person to choose for themselves how they want to exhibit their personage. Wish they'd let me choose their personage and see how they like it. Wouldn't that be fair? I apologize to those who are unfamiliar with the different dialects of the English language in the United States. Let me translate this for the people who don't know how to speak redneck. Because you are not fitting the social ideals they grew up with. Their education is not up to par either. They haven't been taught that people have their own set of likes and dislikes. Further, they have not been told that it is a right of choice for each person to choose for themselves how they want to exhibit their personage. Wish they'd let me choose their personage and see how they like it. Wouldn't that be fair?What scares me the most is that I had no trouble translating this. Comes from growing up in a small town with a number of rednecks I guess. I'll admit I use "ain't" and the like sometimes but I'm not proud of it and try not to.
Histiletto Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Hi! Shorty82, You don't need to be concerned about how or where you were brought up. Hold on to the good stuff that helped you make it to where you are. It's what you do with what you got, that will determine what you can achieve. The important thing is you have realized how much people can be mislead, because they don't make the effort to become familiar with things they don't understand. These type of "educated people" scare me the most. They don't seem to have minds of their own and often follow the popular roads or the roads of the least resistence. These people can't seem to cope with the anything that requires effort out of their usual realm. One of the signs of the maturity of a person is how well they can accept others as human beings, whether they seem to be or are different from them. Furthermore, they have no idea of where they will end up nor do they have goals to do any different.
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